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Contents
TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
EPILOGUE
TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE
A few words about Dostoevsky himself may help the
English reader to understand his work.
Dostoevsky was the son of a doctor. His parents
were very hard-working and deeply religious people, but so poor that
they lived with their five children in only two rooms. The father and
mother spent their evenings in reading aloud to their children,
generally from books of a serious character.
Though always sickly and delicate Dostoevsky came
out third in the final examination of the Petersburg school of
Engineering. There he had already begun his first work, "Poor
Folk."
This story was published by the poet Nekrassov in
his review and was received with acclamations. The shy, unknown youth
found himself instantly something of a celebrity. A brilliant and
successful career seemed to open before him, but those hopes were soon
dashed. In 1849 he was arrested.
Though neither by temperament nor conviction a
revolutionist, Dostoevsky was one of a little group of young men who met
together to read Fourier and Proudhon. He was accused of "taking
part in conversations against the censorship, of reading a letter from
Byelinsky to Gogol, and of knowing of the intention to set up a printing
press." Under Nicholas I. (that "stern and just man," as
Maurice Baring calls him) this was enough, and he was condemned to
death. After eight months' imprisonment he was with twenty-one others
taken out to the Semyonovsky Square to be shot. Writing to his brother
Mihail, Dostoevsky says: "They snapped words over our heads, and
they made us put on the white shirts worn by persons condemned to death.
Thereupon we were bound in threes to stakes, to suffer execution. Being
the third in the row, I concluded I had only a few minutes of life
before me. I thought of you and your dear ones and I contrived to kiss
Plestcheiev and Dourov, who were next to me, and to bid them farewell.
Suddenly the troops beat a tattoo, we were unbound, brought back upon
the scaffold, and informed that his Majesty had spared us our
lives." The sentence was commuted to hard labour.
One of the prisoners, Grigoryev, went mad as soon
as he was untied, and never regained his sanity.
The intense suffering of this experience left a
lasting stamp on Dostoevsky's mind. Though his religious temper led him
in the end to accept every suffering with resignation and to regard it
as a blessing in his own case, he constantly recurs to the subject in
his writings. He describes the awful agony of the condemned man and
insists on the cruelty of inflicting such torture. Then followed four
years of penal servitude, spent in the company of common criminals in
Siberia, where he began the "Dead House," and some years of
service in a disciplinary battalion.
He had shown signs of some obscure nervous disease
before his arrest and this now developed into violent attacks of
epilepsy, from which he suffered for the rest of his life. The fits
occurred three or four times a year and were more frequent in periods of
great strain. In 1859 he was allowed to return to Russia. He started a
journal—"Vremya," which was forbidden by the Censorship
through a misunderstanding. In 1864 he lost his first wife and his
brother Mihail. He was in terrible poverty, yet he took upon himself the
payment of his brother's debts. He started another journal—"The
Epoch," which within a few months was also prohibited. He was
weighed down by debt, his brother's family was dependent on him, he was
forced to write at heart-breaking speed, and is said never to have
corrected his work. The later years of his life were much softened by
the tenderness and devotion of his second wife.
In June 1880 he made his famous speech at the
unveiling of the monument to Pushkin in Moscow and he was received with
extraordinary demonstrations of love and honour.
A few months later Dostoevsky died. He was
followed to the grave by a vast multitude of mourners, who "gave
the hapless man the funeral of a king." He is still probably the
most widely read writer in Russia.
In the words of a Russian critic, who seeks to
explain the feeling inspired by Dostoevsky: "He was one of
ourselves, a man of our blood and our bone, but one who has suffered and
has seen so much more deeply than we have his insight impresses us as
wisdom... that wisdom of the heart which we seek that we may learn from
it how to live. All his other gifts came to him from nature, this he won
for himself and through it he became great."
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
PART I
CHAPTER I
On an exceptionally hot evening early in July a
young man came out of the garret in which he lodged in S. Place and
walked slowly, as though in hesitation, towards K. bridge.
He had successfully avoided meeting his landlady
on the staircase. His garret was under the roof of a high, five-storied
house and was more like a cupboard than a room. The landlady who
provided him with garret, dinners, and attendance, lived on the floor
below, and every time he went out he was obliged to pass her kitchen,
the door of which invariably stood open. And each time he passed, the
young man had a sick, frightened feeling, which made him scowl and feel
ashamed. He was hopelessly in debt to his landlady, and was afraid of
meeting her.
This was not because he was cowardly and abject,
quite the contrary; but for some time past he had been in an
overstrained irritable condition, verging on hypochondria. He had become
so completely absorbed in himself, and isolated from his fellows that he
dreaded meeting, not only his landlady, but anyone at all. He was
crushed by poverty, but the anxieties of his position had of late ceased
to weigh upon him. He had given up attending to matters of practical
importance; he had lost all desire to do so. Nothing that any landlady
could do had a real terror for him. But to be stopped on the stairs, to
be forced to listen to her trivial, irrelevant gossip, to pestering
demands for payment, threats and complaints, and to rack his brains for
excuses, to prevaricate, to lie—no, rather than that, he would creep
down the stairs like a cat and slip out unseen.
This evening, however, on coming out into the
street, he became acutely aware of his fears.
"I want to attempt a thing like that
and am frightened by these trifles," he thought, with an odd smile.
"Hm... yes, all is in a man's hands and he lets it all slip from
cowardice, that's an axiom. It would be interesting to know what it is
men are most afraid of. Taking a new step, uttering a new word is what
they fear most.... But I am talking too much. It's because I chatter
that I do nothing. Or perhaps it is that I chatter because I do nothing.
I've learned to chatter this last month, lying for days together in my
den thinking... of Jack the Giant-killer. Why am I going there now? Am I
capable of that? Is that serious? It is not serious at
all. It's simply a fantasy to amuse myself; a plaything! Yes, maybe it
is a plaything."
The heat in the street was terrible: and the
airlessness, the bustle and the plaster, scaffolding, bricks, and dust
all about him, and that special Petersburg stench, so familiar to all
who are unable to get out of town in summer—all worked painfully upon
the young man's already overwrought nerves. The insufferable stench from
the pot-houses, which are particularly numerous in that part of the
town, and the drunken men whom he met continually, although it was a
working day, completed the revolting misery of the picture. An
expression of the profoundest disgust gleamed for a moment in the young
man's refined face. He was, by the way, exceptionally handsome, above
the average in height, slim, well-built, with beautiful dark eyes and
dark brown hair. Soon he sank into deep thought, or more accurately
speaking into a complete blankness of mind; he walked along not
observing what was about him and not caring to observe it. From time to
time, he would mutter something, from the habit of talking to himself,
to which he had just confessed. At these moments he would become
conscious that his ideas were sometimes in a tangle and that he was very
weak; for two days he had scarcely tasted food.
He was so badly dressed that even a man accustomed
to shabbiness would have been ashamed to be seen in the street in such
rags. In that quarter of the town, however, scarcely any shortcoming in
dress would have created surprise. Owing to the proximity of the Hay
Market, the number of establishments of bad character, the preponderance
of the trading and working class population crowded in these streets and
alleys in the heart of Petersburg, types so various were to be seen in
the streets that no figure, however queer, would have caused surprise.
But there was such accumulated bitterness and contempt in the young
man's heart, that, in spite of all the fastidiousness of youth, he
minded his rags least of all in the street. It was a different matter
when he met with acquaintances or with former fellow students, whom,
indeed, he disliked meeting at any time. And yet when a drunken man who,
for some unknown reason, was being taken somewhere in a huge waggon
dragged by a heavy dray horse, suddenly shouted at him as he drove past:
"Hey there, German hatter" bawling at the top of his voice and
pointing at him—the young man stopped suddenly and clutched
tremulously at his hat. It was a tall round hat from Zimmerman's, but
completely worn out, rusty with age, all torn and bespattered, brimless
and bent on one side in a most unseemly fashion. Not shame, however, but
quite another feeling akin to terror had overtaken him.
"I knew it," he muttered in confusion,
"I thought so! That's the worst of all! Why, a stupid thing like
this, the most trivial detail might spoil the whole plan. Yes, my hat is
too noticeable.... It looks absurd and that makes it noticeable.... With
my rags I ought to wear a cap, any sort of old pancake, but not this
grotesque thing. Nobody wears such a hat, it would be noticed a mile
off, it would be remembered.... What matters is that people would
remember it, and that would give them a clue. For this business one
should be as little conspicuous as possible.... Trifles, trifles are
what matter! Why, it's just such trifles that always ruin
everything...."
He had not far to go; he knew indeed how many
steps it was from the gate of his lodging house: exactly seven hundred
and thirty. He had counted them once when he had been lost in dreams. At
the time he had put no faith in those dreams and was only tantalising
himself by their hideous but daring recklessness. Now, a month later, he
had begun to look upon them differently, and, in spite of the monologues
in which he jeered at his own impotence and indecision, he had
involuntarily come to regard this "hideous" dream as an
exploit to be attempted, although he still did not realise this himself.
He was positively going now for a "rehearsal" of his project,
and at every step his excitement grew more and more violent.
With a sinking heart and a nervous tremor, he went
up to a huge house which on one side looked on to the canal, and on the
other into the street. This house was let out in tiny tenements and was
inhabited by working people of all kinds—tailors, locksmiths, cooks,
Germans of sorts, girls picking up a living as best they could, petty
clerks, etc. There was a continual coming and going through the two
gates and in the two courtyards of the house. Three or four door-keepers
were employed on the building. The young man was very glad to meet none
of them, and at once slipped unnoticed through the door on the right,
and up the staircase. It was a back staircase, dark and narrow, but he
was familiar with it already, and knew his way, and he liked all these
surroundings: in such darkness even the most inquisitive eyes were not
to be dreaded.
"If I am so scared now, what would it be if
it somehow came to pass that I were really going to do it?" he
could not help asking himself as he reached the fourth storey. There his
progress was barred by some porters who were engaged in moving furniture
out of a flat. He knew that the flat had been occupied by a German clerk
in the civil service, and his family. This German was moving out then,
and so the fourth floor on this staircase would be untenanted except by
the old woman. "That's a good thing anyway," he thought to
himself, as he rang the bell of the old woman's flat. The bell gave a
faint tinkle as though it were made of tin and not of copper. The little
flats in such houses always have bells that ring like that. He had
forgotten the note of that bell, and now its peculiar tinkle seemed to
remind him of something and to bring it clearly before him.... He
started, his nerves were terribly overstrained by now. In a little
while, the door was opened a tiny crack: the old woman eyed her visitor
with evident distrust through the crack, and nothing could be seen but
her little eyes, glittering in the darkness. But, seeing a number of
people on the landing, she grew bolder, and opened the door wide. The
young man stepped into the dark entry, which was partitioned off from
the tiny kitchen. The old woman stood facing him in silence and looking
inquiringly at him. She was a diminutive, withered up old woman of
sixty, with sharp malignant eyes and a sharp little nose. Her colourless,
somewhat grizzled hair was thickly smeared with oil, and she wore no
kerchief over it. Round her thin long neck, which looked like a hen's
leg, was knotted some sort of flannel rag, and, in spite of the heat,
there hung flapping on her shoulders, a mangy fur cape, yellow with age.
The old woman coughed and groaned at every instant. The young man must
have looked at her with a rather peculiar expression, for a gleam of
mistrust came into her eyes again.
"Raskolnikov, a student, I came here a month
ago," the young man made haste to mutter, with a half bow,
remembering that he ought to be more polite.
"I remember, my good sir, I remember quite
well your coming here," the old woman said distinctly, still
keeping her inquiring eyes on his face.
"And here... I am again on the same
errand," Raskolnikov continued, a little disconcerted and surprised
at the old woman's mistrust. "Perhaps she is always like that
though, only I did not notice it the other time," he thought with
an uneasy feeling.
The old woman paused, as though hesitating; then
stepped on one side, and pointing to the door of the room, she said,
letting her visitor pass in front of her:
"Step in, my good sir."
The little room into which the young man walked,
with yellow paper on the walls, geraniums and muslin curtains in the
windows, was brightly lighted up at that moment by the setting sun.
"So the sun will shine like this then
too!" flashed as it were by chance through Raskolnikov's mind, and
with a rapid glance he scanned everything in the room, trying as far as
possible to notice and remember its arrangement. But there was nothing
special in the room. The furniture, all very old and of yellow wood,
consisted of a sofa with a huge bent wooden back, an oval table in front
of the sofa, a dressing-table with a looking-glass fixed on it between
the windows, chairs along the walls and two or three half-penny prints
in yellow frames, representing German damsels with birds in their
hands—that was all. In the corner a light was burning before a small
ikon. Everything was very clean; the floor and the furniture were
brightly polished; everything shone.
"Lizaveta's work," thought the young
man. There was not a speck of dust to be seen in the whole flat.
"It's in the houses of spiteful old widows
that one finds such cleanliness," Raskolnikov thought again, and he
stole a curious glance at the cotton curtain over the door leading into
another tiny room, in which stood the old woman's bed and chest of
drawers and into which he had never looked before. These two rooms made
up the whole flat.
"What do you want?" the old woman said
severely, coming into the room and, as before, standing in front of him
so as to look him straight in the face.
"I've brought something to pawn here,"
and he drew out of his pocket an old-fashioned flat silver watch, on the
back of which was engraved a globe; the chain was of steel.
"But the time is up for your last pledge. The
month was up the day before yesterday."
"I will bring you the interest for another
month; wait a little."
"But that's for me to do as I please, my good
sir, to wait or to sell your pledge at once."
"How much will you give me for the watch,
Alyona Ivanovna?"
"You come with such trifles, my good sir,
it's scarcely worth anything. I gave you two roubles last time for your
ring and one could buy it quite new at a jeweler's for a rouble and a
half."
"Give me four roubles for it, I shall redeem
it, it was my father's. I shall be getting some money soon."
"A rouble and a half, and interest in
advance, if you like!"
"A rouble and a half!" cried the young
man.
"Please yourself"—and the old woman
handed him back the watch. The young man took it, and was so angry that
he was on the point of going away; but checked himself at once,
remembering that there was nowhere else he could go, and that he had had
another object also in coming.
"Hand it over," he said roughly.
The old woman fumbled in her pocket for her keys,
and disappeared behind the curtain into the other room. The young man,
left standing alone in the middle of the room, listened inquisitively,
thinking. He could hear her unlocking the chest of drawers.
"It must be the top drawer," he
reflected. "So she carries the keys in a pocket on the right. All
in one bunch on a steel ring.... And there's one key there, three times
as big as all the others, with deep notches; that can't be the key of
the chest of drawers... then there must be some other chest or
strong-box... that's worth knowing. Strong-boxes always have keys like
that... but how degrading it all is."
The old woman came back.
"Here, sir: as we say ten copecks the rouble
a month, so I must take fifteen copecks from a rouble and a half for the
month in advance. But for the two roubles I lent you before, you owe me
now twenty copecks on the same reckoning in advance. That makes
thirty-five copecks altogether. So I must give you a rouble and fifteen
copecks for the watch. Here it is."
"What! only a rouble and fifteen copecks
now!"
"Just so."
The young man did not dispute it and took the
money. He looked at the old woman, and was in no hurry to get away, as
though there was still something he wanted to say or to do, but he did
not himself quite know what.
"I may be bringing you something else in a
day or two, Alyona Ivanovna—a valuable thing—silver—a
cigarette-box, as soon as I get it back from a friend..." he broke
off in confusion.
"Well, we will talk about it then, sir."
"Good-bye—are you always at home alone,
your sister is not here with you?" He asked her as casually as
possible as he went out into the passage.
"What business is she of yours, my good
sir?"
"Oh, nothing particular, I simply asked. You
are too quick.... Good-day, Alyona Ivanovna."
Raskolnikov went out in complete confusion. This
confusion became more and more intense. As he went down the stairs, he
even stopped short, two or three times, as though suddenly struck by
some thought. When he was in the street he cried out, "Oh, God, how
loathsome it all is! and can I, can I possibly.... No, it's nonsense,
it's rubbish!" he added resolutely. "And how could such an
atrocious thing come into my head? What filthy things my heart is
capable of. Yes, filthy above all, disgusting, loathsome,
loathsome!—and for a whole month I've been...." But no words, no
exclamations, could express his agitation. The feeling of intense
repulsion, which had begun to oppress and torture his heart while he was
on his way to the old woman, had by now reached such a pitch and had
taken such a definite form that he did not know what to do with himself
to escape from his wretchedness. He walked along the pavement like a
drunken man, regardless of the passers-by, and jostling against them,
and only came to his senses when he was in the next street. Looking
round, he noticed that he was standing close to a tavern which was
entered by steps leading from the pavement to the basement. At that
instant two drunken men came out at the door, and abusing and supporting
one another, they mounted the steps. Without stopping to think,
Raskolnikov went down the steps at once. Till that moment he had never
been into a tavern, but now he felt giddy and was tormented by a burning
thirst. He longed for a drink of cold beer, and attributed his sudden
weakness to the want of food. He sat down at a sticky little table in a
dark and dirty corner; ordered some beer, and eagerly drank off the
first glassful. At once he felt easier; and his thoughts became clear.
"All that's nonsense," he said
hopefully, "and there is nothing in it all to worry about! It's
simply physical derangement. Just a glass of beer, a piece of dry
bread—and in one moment the brain is stronger, the mind is clearer and
the will is firm! Phew, how utterly petty it all is!"
But in spite of this scornful reflection, he was
by now looking cheerful as though he were suddenly set free from a
terrible burden: and he gazed round in a friendly way at the people in
the room. But even at that moment he had a dim foreboding that this
happier frame of mind was also not normal.
There were few people at the time in the tavern.
Besides the two drunken men he had met on the steps, a group consisting
of about five men and a girl with a concertina had gone out at the same
time. Their departure left the room quiet and rather empty. The persons
still in the tavern were a man who appeared to be an artisan, drunk, but
not extremely so, sitting before a pot of beer, and his companion, a
huge, stout man with a grey beard, in a short full-skirted coat. He was
very drunk: and had dropped asleep on the bench; every now and then, he
began as though in his sleep, cracking his fingers, with his arms wide
apart and the upper part of his body bounding about on the bench, while
he hummed some meaningless refrain, trying to recall some such lines as
these:
"His wife a year he fondly loved His wife
a—a year he—fondly loved."
Or suddenly waking up again:
"Walking along the crowded row He met the one
he used to know."
But no one shared his enjoyment: his silent
companion looked with positive hostility and mistrust at all these
manifestations. There was another man in the room who looked somewhat
like a retired government clerk. He was sitting apart, now and then
sipping from his pot and looking round at the company. He, too, appeared
to be in some agitation.
CHAPTER II
Raskolnikov was not used to crowds, and, as we
said before, he avoided society of every sort, more especially of late.
But now all at once he felt a desire to be with other people. Something
new seemed to be taking place within him, and with it he felt a sort of
thirst for company. He was so weary after a whole month of concentrated
wretchedness and gloomy excitement that he longed to rest, if only for a
moment, in some other world, whatever it might be; and, in spite of the
filthiness of the surroundings, he was glad now to stay in the tavern.
The master of the establishment was in another
room, but he frequently came down some steps into the main room, his
jaunty, tarred boots with red turn-over tops coming into view each time
before the rest of his person. He wore a full coat and a horribly greasy
black satin waistcoat, with no cravat, and his whole face seemed smeared
with oil like an iron lock. At the counter stood a boy of about
fourteen, and there was another boy somewhat younger who handed whatever
was wanted. On the counter lay some sliced cucumber, some pieces of
dried black bread, and some fish, chopped up small, all smelling very
bad. It was insufferably close, and so heavy with the fumes of spirits
that five minutes in such an atmosphere might well make a man drunk.
There are chance meetings with strangers that
interest us from the first moment, before a word is spoken. Such was the
impression made on Raskolnikov by the person sitting a little distance
from him, who looked like a retired clerk. The young man often recalled
this impression afterwards, and even ascribed it to presentiment. He
looked repeatedly at the clerk, partly no doubt because the latter was
staring persistently at him, obviously anxious to enter into
conversation. At the other persons in the room, including the
tavern-keeper, the clerk looked as though he were used to their company,
and weary of it, showing a shade of condescending contempt for them as
persons of station and culture inferior to his own, with whom it would
be useless for him to converse. He was a man over fifty, bald and
grizzled, of medium height, and stoutly built. His face, bloated from
continual drinking, was of a yellow, even greenish, tinge, with swollen
eyelids out of which keen reddish eyes gleamed like little chinks. But
there was something very strange in him; there was a light in his eyes
as though of intense feeling—perhaps there were even thought and
intelligence, but at the same time there was a gleam of something like
madness. He was wearing an old and hopelessly ragged black dress coat,
with all its buttons missing except one, and that one he had buttoned,
evidently clinging to this last trace of respectability. A crumpled
shirt front, covered with spots and stains, protruded from his canvas
waistcoat. Like a clerk, he wore no beard, nor moustache, but had been
so long unshaven that his chin looked like a stiff greyish brush. And
there was something respectable and like an official about his manner
too. But he was restless; he ruffled up his hair and from time to time
let his head drop into his hands dejectedly resting his ragged elbows on
the stained and sticky table. At last he looked straight at Raskolnikov,
and said loudly and resolutely:
"May I venture, honoured sir, to engage you
in polite conversation? Forasmuch as, though your exterior would not
command respect, my experience admonishes me that you are a man of
education and not accustomed to drinking. I have always respected
education when in conjunction with genuine sentiments, and I am besides
a titular counsellor in rank. Marmeladov—such is my name; titular
counsellor. I make bold to inquire—have you been in the service?"
"No, I am studying," answered the young
man, somewhat surprised at the grandiloquent style of the speaker and
also at being so directly addressed. In spite of the momentary desire he
had just been feeling for company of any sort, on being actually spoken
to he felt immediately his habitual irritable and uneasy aversion for
any stranger who approached or attempted to approach him.
"A student then, or formerly a student,"
cried the clerk. "Just what I thought! I'm a man of experience,
immense experience, sir," and he tapped his forehead with his
fingers in self-approval. "You've been a student or have attended
some learned institution!... But allow me...." He got up,
staggered, took up his jug and glass, and sat down beside the young man,
facing him a little sideways. He was drunk, but spoke fluently and
boldly, only occasionally losing the thread of his sentences and
drawling his words. He pounced upon Raskolnikov as greedily as though he
too had not spoken to a soul for a month.
"Honoured sir," he began almost with
solemnity, "poverty is not a vice, that's a true saying. Yet I know
too that drunkenness is not a virtue, and that that's even truer. But
beggary, honoured sir, beggary is a vice. In poverty you may still
retain your innate nobility of soul, but in beggary—never—no one.
For beggary a man is not chased out of human society with a stick, he is
swept out with a broom, so as to make it as humiliating as possible; and
quite right, too, forasmuch as in beggary I am ready to be the first to
humiliate myself. Hence the pot-house! Honoured sir, a month ago Mr.
Lebeziatnikov gave my wife a beating, and my wife is a very different
matter from me! Do you understand? Allow me to ask you another question
out of simple curiosity: have you ever spent a night on a hay barge, on
the Neva?"
"No, I have not happened to," answered
Raskolnikov. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I've just come from one and it's the
fifth night I've slept so...." He filled his glass, emptied it and
paused. Bits of hay were in fact clinging to his clothes and sticking to
his hair. It seemed quite probable that he had not undressed or washed
for the last five days. His hands, particularly, were filthy. They were
fat and red, with black nails.
His conversation seemed to excite a general though
languid interest. The boys at the counter fell to sniggering. The
innkeeper came down from the upper room, apparently on purpose to listen
to the "funny fellow" and sat down at a little distance,
yawning lazily, but with dignity. Evidently Marmeladov was a familiar
figure here, and he had most likely acquired his weakness for high-flown
speeches from the habit of frequently entering into conversation with
strangers of all sorts in the tavern. This habit develops into a
necessity in some drunkards, and especially in those who are looked
after sharply and kept in order at home. Hence in the company of other
drinkers they try to justify themselves and even if possible obtain
consideration.
"Funny fellow!" pronounced the
innkeeper. "And why don't you work, why aren't you at your duty, if
you are in the service?"
"Why am I not at my duty, honoured sir,"
Marmeladov went on, addressing himself exclusively to Raskolnikov, as
though it had been he who put that question to him. "Why am I not
at my duty? Does not my heart ache to think what a useless worm I am? A
month ago when Mr. Lebeziatnikov beat my wife with his own hands, and I
lay drunk, didn't I suffer? Excuse me, young man, has it ever happened
to you... hm... well, to petition hopelessly for a loan?"
"Yes, it has. But what do you mean by
hopelessly?"
"Hopelessly in the fullest sense, when you
know beforehand that you will get nothing by it. You know, for instance,
beforehand with positive certainty that this man, this most reputable
and exemplary citizen, will on no consideration give you money; and
indeed I ask you why should he? For he knows of course that I shan't pay
it back. From compassion? But Mr. Lebeziatnikov who keeps up with modern
ideas explained the other day that compassion is forbidden nowadays by
science itself, and that that's what is done now in England, where there
is political economy. Why, I ask you, should he give it to me? And yet
though I know beforehand that he won't, I set off to him and..."
"Why do you go?" put in Raskolnikov.
"Well, when one has no one, nowhere else one
can go! For every man must have somewhere to go. Since there are times
when one absolutely must go somewhere! When my own daughter first went
out with a yellow ticket, then I had to go... (for my daughter has a
yellow passport)," he added in parenthesis, looking with a certain
uneasiness at the young man. "No matter, sir, no matter!" he
went on hurriedly and with apparent composure when both the boys at the
counter guffawed and even the innkeeper smiled—"No matter, I am
not confounded by the wagging of their heads; for everyone knows
everything about it already, and all that is secret is made open. And I
accept it all, not with contempt, but with humility. So be it! So be it!
'Behold the man!' Excuse me, young man, can you.... No, to put it more
strongly and more distinctly; not can you but dare you,
looking upon me, assert that I am not a pig?"
The young man did not answer a word.
"Well," the orator began again stolidly
and with even increased dignity, after waiting for the laughter in the
room to subside. "Well, so be it, I am a pig, but she is a lady! I
have the semblance of a beast, but Katerina Ivanovna, my spouse, is a
person of education and an officer's daughter. Granted, granted, I am a
scoundrel, but she is a woman of a noble heart, full of sentiments,
refined by education. And yet... oh, if only she felt for me! Honoured
sir, honoured sir, you know every man ought to have at least one place
where people feel for him! But Katerina Ivanovna, though she is
magnanimous, she is unjust.... And yet, although I realise that when she
pulls my hair she only does it out of pity—for I repeat without being
ashamed, she pulls my hair, young man," he declared with redoubled
dignity, hearing the sniggering again—"but, my God, if she would
but once.... But no, no! It's all in vain and it's no use talking! No
use talking! For more than once, my wish did come true and more than
once she has felt for me but... such is my fate and I am a beast by
nature!"
"Rather!" assented the innkeeper
yawning. Marmeladov struck his fist resolutely on the table.
"Such is my fate! Do you know, sir, do you
know, I have sold her very stockings for drink? Not her shoes—that
would be more or less in the order of things, but her stockings, her
stockings I have sold for drink! Her mohair shawl I sold for drink, a
present to her long ago, her own property, not mine; and we live in a
cold room and she caught cold this winter and has begun coughing and
spitting blood too. We have three little children and Katerina Ivanovna
is at work from morning till night; she is scrubbing and cleaning and
washing the children, for she's been used to cleanliness from a child.
But her chest is weak and she has a tendency to consumption and I feel
it! Do you suppose I don't feel it? And the more I drink the more I feel
it. That's why I drink too. I try to find sympathy and feeling in
drink.... I drink so that I may suffer twice as much!" And as
though in despair he laid his head down on the table.
"Young man," he went on, raising his
head again, "in your face I seem to read some trouble of mind. When
you came in I read it, and that was why I addressed you at once. For in
unfolding to you the story of my life, I do not wish to make myself a
laughing-stock before these idle listeners, who indeed know all about it
already, but I am looking for a man of feeling and education. Know then
that my wife was educated in a high-class school for the daughters of
noblemen, and on leaving she danced the shawl dance before the governor
and other personages for which she was presented with a gold medal and a
certificate of merit. The medal... well, the medal of course was
sold—long ago, hm... but the certificate of merit is in her trunk
still and not long ago she showed it to our landlady. And although she
is most continually on bad terms with the landlady, yet she wanted to
tell someone or other of her past honours and of the happy days that are
gone. I don't condemn her for it, I don't blame her, for the one thing
left her is recollection of the past, and all the rest is dust and
ashes. Yes, yes, she is a lady of spirit, proud and determined. She
scrubs the floors herself and has nothing but black bread to eat, but
won't allow herself to be treated with disrespect. That's why she would
not overlook Mr. Lebeziatnikov's rudeness to her, and so when he gave
her a beating for it, she took to her bed more from the hurt to her
feelings than from the blows. She was a widow when I married her, with
three children, one smaller than the other. She married her first
husband, an infantry officer, for love, and ran away with him from her
father's house. She was exceedingly fond of her husband; but he gave way
to cards, got into trouble and with that he died. He used to beat her at
the end: and although she paid him back, of which I have authentic
documentary evidence, to this day she speaks of him with tears and she
throws him up to me; and I am glad, I am glad that, though only in
imagination, she should think of herself as having once been happy....
And she was left at his death with three children in a wild and remote
district where I happened to be at the time; and she was left in such
hopeless poverty that, although I have seen many ups and downs of all
sort, I don't feel equal to describing it even. Her relations had all
thrown her off. And she was proud, too, excessively proud.... And then,
honoured sir, and then, I, being at the time a widower, with a daughter
of fourteen left me by my first wife, offered her my hand, for I could
not bear the sight of such suffering. You can judge the extremity of her
calamities, that she, a woman of education and culture and distinguished
family, should have consented to be my wife. But she did! Weeping and
sobbing and wringing her hands, she married me! For she had nowhere to
turn! Do you understand, sir, do you understand what it means when you
have absolutely nowhere to turn? No, that you don't understand yet....
And for a whole year, I performed my duties conscientiously and
faithfully, and did not touch this" (he tapped the jug with his
finger), "for I have feelings. But even so, I could not please her;
and then I lost my place too, and that through no fault of mine but
through changes in the office; and then I did touch it!... It will be a
year and a half ago soon since we found ourselves at last after many
wanderings and numerous calamities in this magnificent capital, adorned
with innumerable monuments. Here I obtained a situation.... I obtained
it and I lost it again. Do you understand? This time it was through my
own fault I lost it: for my weakness had come out.... We have now part
of a room at Amalia Fyodorovna Lippevechsel's; and what we live upon and
what we pay our rent with, I could not say. There are a lot of people
living there besides ourselves. Dirt and disorder, a perfect Bedlam...
hm... yes... And meanwhile my daughter by my first wife has grown up;
and what my daughter has had to put up with from her step-mother whilst
she was growing up, I won't speak of. For, though Katerina Ivanovna is
full of generous feelings, she is a spirited lady, irritable and
short—tempered.... Yes. But it's no use going over that! Sonia, as you
may well fancy, has had no education. I did make an effort four years
ago to give her a course of geography and universal history, but as I
was not very well up in those subjects myself and we had no suitable
books, and what books we had... hm, anyway we have not even those now,
so all our instruction came to an end. We stopped at Cyrus of Persia.
Since she has attained years of maturity, she has read other books of
romantic tendency and of late she had read with great interest a book
she got through Mr. Lebeziatnikov, Lewes' Physiology—do you know
it?—and even recounted extracts from it to us: and that's the whole of
her education. And now may I venture to address you, honoured sir, on my
own account with a private question. Do you suppose that a respectable
poor girl can earn much by honest work? Not fifteen farthings a day can
she earn, if she is respectable and has no special talent and that
without putting her work down for an instant! And what's more, Ivan
Ivanitch Klopstock the civil counsellor—have you heard of him?—has
not to this day paid her for the half-dozen linen shirts she made him
and drove her roughly away, stamping and reviling her, on the pretext
that the shirt collars were not made like the pattern and were put in
askew. And there are the little ones hungry.... And Katerina Ivanovna
walking up and down and wringing her hands, her cheeks flushed red, as
they always are in that disease: 'Here you live with us,' says she, 'you
eat and drink and are kept warm and you do nothing to help.' And much
she gets to eat and drink when there is not a crust for the little ones
for three days! I was lying at the time... well, what of it! I was lying
drunk and I heard my Sonia speaking (she is a gentle creature with a
soft little voice... fair hair and such a pale, thin little face). She
said: 'Katerina Ivanovna, am I really to do a thing like that?' And
Darya Frantsovna, a woman of evil character and very well known to the
police, had two or three times tried to get at her through the landlady.
'And why not?' said Katerina Ivanovna with a jeer, 'you are something
mighty precious to be so careful of!' But don't blame her, don't blame
her, honoured sir, don't blame her! She was not herself when she spoke,
but driven to distraction by her illness and the crying of the hungry
children; and it was said more to wound her than anything else.... For
that's Katerina Ivanovna's character, and when children cry, even from
hunger, she falls to beating them at once. At six o'clock I saw Sonia
get up, put on her kerchief and her cape, and go out of the room and
about nine o'clock she came back. She walked straight up to Katerina
Ivanovna and she laid thirty roubles on the table before her in silence.
She did not utter a word, she did not even look at her, she simply
picked up our big green drap de dames shawl (we have a shawl,
made of drap de dames), put it over her head and face and lay
down on the bed with her face to the wall; only her little shoulders and
her body kept shuddering.... And I went on lying there, just as
before.... And then I saw, young man, I saw Katerina Ivanovna, in the
same silence go up to Sonia's little bed; she was on her knees all the
evening kissing Sonia's feet, and would not get up, and then they both
fell asleep in each other's arms... together, together... yes... and
I... lay drunk."
Marmeladov stopped short, as though his voice had
failed him. Then he hurriedly filled his glass, drank, and cleared his
throat.
"Since then, sir," he went on after a
brief pause—"Since then, owing to an unfortunate occurrence and
through information given by evil-intentioned persons—in all which
Darya Frantsovna took a leading part on the pretext that she had been
treated with want of respect—since then my daughter Sofya Semyonovna
has been forced to take a yellow ticket, and owing to that she is unable
to go on living with us. For our landlady, Amalia Fyodorovna would not
hear of it (though she had backed up Darya Frantsovna before) and Mr.
Lebeziatnikov too... hm.... All the trouble between him and Katerina
Ivanovna was on Sonia's account. At first he was for making up to Sonia
himself and then all of a sudden he stood on his dignity: 'how,' said
he, 'can a highly educated man like me live in the same rooms with a
girl like that?' And Katerina Ivanovna would not let it pass, she stood
up for her... and so that's how it happened. And Sonia comes to us now,
mostly after dark; she comforts Katerina Ivanovna and gives her all she
can.... She has a room at the Kapernaumovs' the tailors, she lodges with
them; Kapernaumov is a lame man with a cleft palate and all of his
numerous family have cleft palates too. And his wife, too, has a cleft
palate. They all live in one room, but Sonia has her own, partitioned
off.... Hm... yes... very poor people and all with cleft palates... yes.
Then I got up in the morning, and put on my rags, lifted up my hands to
heaven and set off to his excellency Ivan Afanasyvitch. His excellency
Ivan Afanasyvitch, do you know him? No? Well, then, it's a man of God
you don't know. He is wax... wax before the face of the Lord; even as
wax melteth!... His eyes were dim when he heard my story. 'Marmeladov,
once already you have deceived my expectations... I'll take you once
more on my own responsibility'—that's what he said, 'remember,' he
said, 'and now you can go.' I kissed the dust at his feet—in thought
only, for in reality he would not have allowed me to do it, being a
statesman and a man of modern political and enlightened ideas. I
returned home, and when I announced that I'd been taken back into the
service and should receive a salary, heavens, what a to-do there
was!..."
Marmeladov stopped again in violent excitement. At
that moment a whole party of revellers already drunk came in from the
street, and the sounds of a hired concertina and the cracked piping
voice of a child of seven singing "The Hamlet" were heard in
the entry. The room was filled with noise. The tavern-keeper and the
boys were busy with the new-comers. Marmeladov paying no attention to
the new arrivals continued his story. He appeared by now to be extremely
weak, but as he became more and more drunk, he became more and more
talkative. The recollection of his recent success in getting the
situation seemed to revive him, and was positively reflected in a sort
of radiance on his face. Raskolnikov listened attentively.
"That was five weeks ago, sir. Yes.... As
soon as Katerina Ivanovna and Sonia heard of it, mercy on us, it was as
though I stepped into the kingdom of Heaven. It used to be: you can lie
like a beast, nothing but abuse. Now they were walking on tiptoe,
hushing the children. 'Semyon Zaharovitch is tired with his work at the
office, he is resting, shh!' They made me coffee before I went to work
and boiled cream for me! They began to get real cream for me, do you
hear that? And how they managed to get together the money for a decent
outfit—eleven roubles, fifty copecks, I can't guess. Boots, cotton
shirt-fronts—most magnificent, a uniform, they got up all in splendid
style, for eleven roubles and a half. The first morning I came back from
the office I found Katerina Ivanovna had cooked two courses for
dinner—soup and salt meat with horse radish—which we had never
dreamed of till then. She had not any dresses... none at all, but she
got herself up as though she were going on a visit; and not that she'd
anything to do it with, she smartened herself up with nothing at all,
she'd done her hair nicely, put on a clean collar of some sort, cuffs,
and there she was, quite a different person, she was younger and better
looking. Sonia, my little darling, had only helped with money 'for the
time,' she said, 'it won't do for me to come and see you too often.
After dark maybe when no one can see.' Do you hear, do you hear? I lay
down for a nap after dinner and what do you think: though Katerina
Ivanovna had quarrelled to the last degree with our landlady Amalia
Fyodorovna only a week before, she could not resist then asking her in
to coffee. For two hours they were sitting, whispering together. 'Semyon
Zaharovitch is in the service again, now, and receiving a salary,' says
she, 'and he went himself to his excellency and his excellency himself
came out to him, made all the others wait and led Semyon Zaharovitch by
the hand before everybody into his study.' Do you hear, do you hear? 'To
be sure,' says he, 'Semyon Zaharovitch, remembering your past services,'
says he, 'and in spite of your propensity to that foolish weakness,
since you promise now and since moreover we've got on badly without
you,' (do you hear, do you hear;) 'and so,' says he, 'I rely now on your
word as a gentleman.' And all that, let me tell you, she has simply made
up for herself, and not simply out of wantonness, for the sake of
bragging; no, she believes it all herself, she amuses herself with her
own fancies, upon my word she does! And I don't blame her for it, no, I
don't blame her!... Six days ago when I brought her my first earnings in
full—twenty-three roubles forty copecks altogether—she called me her
poppet: 'poppet,' said she, 'my little poppet.' And when we were by
ourselves, you understand? You would not think me a beauty, you would
not think much of me as a husband, would you?... Well, she pinched my
cheek, 'my little poppet,' said she."
Marmeladov broke off, tried to smile, but suddenly
his chin began to twitch. He controlled himself however. The tavern, the
degraded appearance of the man, the five nights in the hay barge, and
the pot of spirits, and yet this poignant love for his wife and children
bewildered his listener. Raskolnikov listened intently but with a sick
sensation. He felt vexed that he had come here.
"Honoured sir, honoured sir," cried
Marmeladov recovering himself—"Oh, sir, perhaps all this seems a
laughing matter to you, as it does to others, and perhaps I am only
worrying you with the stupidity of all the trivial details of my home
life, but it is not a laughing matter to me. For I can feel it all....
And the whole of that heavenly day of my life and the whole of that
evening I passed in fleeting dreams of how I would arrange it all, and
how I would dress all the children, and how I should give her rest, and
how I should rescue my own daughter from dishonour and restore her to
the bosom of her family.... And a great deal more.... Quite excusable,
sir. Well, then, sir" (Marmeladov suddenly gave a sort of start,
raised his head and gazed intently at his listener) "well, on the
very next day after all those dreams, that is to say, exactly five days
ago, in the evening, by a cunning trick, like a thief in the night, I
stole from Katerina Ivanovna the key of her box, took out what was left
of my earnings, how much it was I have forgotten, and now look at me,
all of you! It's the fifth day since I left home, and they are looking
for me there and it's the end of my employment, and my uniform is lying
in a tavern on the Egyptian bridge. I exchanged it for the garments I
have on... and it's the end of everything!"
Marmeladov struck his forehead with his fist,
clenched his teeth, closed his eyes and leaned heavily with his elbow on
the table. But a minute later his face suddenly changed and with a
certain assumed slyness and affectation of bravado, he glanced at
Raskolnikov, laughed and said:
"This morning I went to see Sonia, I went to
ask her for a pick-me-up! He-he-he!"
"You don't say she gave it to you?"
cried one of the new-comers; he shouted the words and went off into a
guffaw.
"This very quart was bought with her
money," Marmeladov declared, addressing himself exclusively to
Raskolnikov. "Thirty copecks she gave me with her own hands, her
last, all she had, as I saw.... She said nothing, she only looked at me
without a word.... Not on earth, but up yonder... they grieve over men,
they weep, but they don't blame them, they don't blame them! But it
hurts more, it hurts more when they don't blame! Thirty copecks yes! And
maybe she needs them now, eh? What do you think, my dear sir? For now
she's got to keep up her appearance. It costs money, that smartness,
that special smartness, you know? Do you understand? And there's
pomatum, too, you see, she must have things; petticoats, starched ones,
shoes, too, real jaunty ones to show off her foot when she has to step
over a puddle. Do you understand, sir, do you understand what all that
smartness means? And here I, her own father, here I took thirty copecks
of that money for a drink! And I am drinking it! And I have already
drunk it! Come, who will have pity on a man like me, eh? Are you sorry
for me, sir, or not? Tell me, sir, are you sorry or not? He-he-he!"
He would have filled his glass, but there was no
drink left. The pot was empty.
"What are you to be pitied for?" shouted
the tavern-keeper who was again near them.
Shouts of laughter and even oaths followed. The
laughter and the oaths came from those who were listening and also from
those who had heard nothing but were simply looking at the figure of the
discharged government clerk.
"To be pitied! Why am I to be pitied?"
Marmeladov suddenly declaimed, standing up with his arm outstretched, as
though he had been only waiting for that question.
"Why am I to be pitied, you say? Yes! there's
nothing to pity me for! I ought to be crucified, crucified on a cross,
not pitied! Crucify me, oh judge, crucify me but pity me! And then I
will go of myself to be crucified, for it's not merry-making I seek but
tears and tribulation!... Do you suppose, you that sell, that this pint
of yours has been sweet to me? It was tribulation I sought at the bottom
of it, tears and tribulation, and have found it, and I have tasted it;
but He will pity us Who has had pity on all men, Who has understood all
men and all things, He is the One, He too is the judge. He will come in
that day and He will ask: 'Where is the daughter who gave herself for
her cross, consumptive step-mother and for the little children of
another? Where is the daughter who had pity upon the filthy drunkard,
her earthly father, undismayed by his beastliness?' And He will say,
'Come to me! I have already forgiven thee once.... I have forgiven thee
once.... Thy sins which are many are forgiven thee for thou hast loved
much....' And he will forgive my Sonia, He will forgive, I know it... I
felt it in my heart when I was with her just now! And He will judge and
will forgive all, the good and the evil, the wise and the meek.... And
when He has done with all of them, then He will summon us. 'You too come
forth,' He will say, 'Come forth ye drunkards, come forth, ye weak ones,
come forth, ye children of shame!' And we shall all come forth, without
shame and shall stand before him. And He will say unto us, 'Ye are
swine, made in the Image of the Beast and with his mark; but come ye
also!' And the wise ones and those of understanding will say, 'Oh Lord,
why dost Thou receive these men?' And He will say, 'This is why I
receive them, oh ye wise, this is why I receive them, oh ye of
understanding, that not one of them believed himself to be worthy of
this.' And He will hold out His hands to us and we shall fall down
before him... and we shall weep... and we shall understand all things!
Then we shall understand all!... and all will understand, Katerina
Ivanovna even... she will understand.... Lord, Thy kingdom come!"
And he sank down on the bench exhausted, and helpless, looking at no
one, apparently oblivious of his surroundings and plunged in deep
thought. His words had created a certain impression; there was a moment
of silence; but soon laughter and oaths were heard again.
"That's his notion!"
"Talked himself silly!"
"A fine clerk he is!"
And so on, and so on.
"Let us go, sir," said Marmeladov all at
once, raising his head and addressing Raskolnikov—"come along
with me... Kozel's house, looking into the yard. I'm going to Katerina
Ivanovna—time I did."
Raskolnikov had for some time been wanting to go
and he had meant to help him. Marmeladov was much unsteadier on his legs
than in his speech and leaned heavily on the young man. They had two or
three hundred paces to go. The drunken man was more and more overcome by
dismay and confusion as they drew nearer the house.
"It's not Katerina Ivanovna I am afraid of
now," he muttered in agitation—"and that she will begin
pulling my hair. What does my hair matter! Bother my hair! That's what I
say! Indeed it will be better if she does begin pulling it, that's not
what I am afraid of... it's her eyes I am afraid of... yes, her eyes...
the red on her cheeks, too, frightens me... and her breathing too....
Have you noticed how people in that disease breathe... when they are
excited? I am frightened of the children's crying, too.... For if Sonia
has not taken them food... I don't know what's happened! I don't know!
But blows I am not afraid of.... Know, sir, that such blows are not a
pain to me, but even an enjoyment. In fact I can't get on without it....
It's better so. Let her strike me, it relieves her heart... it's better
so... There is the house. The house of Kozel, the cabinet-maker... a
German, well-to-do. Lead the way!"
They went in from the yard and up to the fourth
storey. The staircase got darker and darker as they went up. It was
nearly eleven o'clock and although in summer in Petersburg there is no
real night, yet it was quite dark at the top of the stairs.
A grimy little door at the very top of the stairs
stood ajar. A very poor-looking room about ten paces long was lighted up
by a candle-end; the whole of it was visible from the entrance. It was
all in disorder, littered up with rags of all sorts, especially
children's garments. Across the furthest corner was stretched a ragged
sheet. Behind it probably was the bed. There was nothing in the room
except two chairs and a sofa covered with American leather, full of
holes, before which stood an old deal kitchen-table, unpainted and
uncovered. At the edge of the table stood a smoldering tallow-candle in
an iron candlestick. It appeared that the family had a room to
themselves, not part of a room, but their room was practically a
passage. The door leading to the other rooms, or rather cupboards, into
which Amalia Lippevechsel's flat was divided stood half open, and there
was shouting, uproar and laughter within. People seemed to be playing
cards and drinking tea there. Words of the most unceremonious kind flew
out from time to time.
Raskolnikov recognised Katerina Ivanovna at once.
She was a rather tall, slim and graceful woman, terribly emaciated, with
magnificent dark brown hair and with a hectic flush in her cheeks. She
was pacing up and down in her little room, pressing her hands against
her chest; her lips were parched and her breathing came in nervous
broken gasps. Her eyes glittered as in fever and looked about with a
harsh immovable stare. And that consumptive and excited face with the
last flickering light of the candle-end playing upon it made a sickening
impression. She seemed to Raskolnikov about thirty years old and was
certainly a strange wife for Marmeladov.... She had not heard them and
did not notice them coming in. She seemed to be lost in thought, hearing
and seeing nothing. The room was close, but she had not opened the
window; a stench rose from the staircase, but the door on to the stairs
was not closed. From the inner rooms clouds of tobacco smoke floated in,
she kept coughing, but did not close the door. The youngest child, a
girl of six, was asleep, sitting curled up on the floor with her head on
the sofa. A boy a year older stood crying and shaking in the corner,
probably he had just had a beating. Beside him stood a girl of nine
years old, tall and thin, wearing a thin and ragged chemise with an
ancient cashmere pelisse flung over her bare shoulders, long outgrown
and barely reaching her knees. Her arm, as thin as a stick, was round
her brother's neck. She was trying to comfort him, whispering something
to him, and doing all she could to keep him from whimpering again. At
the same time her large dark eyes, which looked larger still from the
thinness of her frightened face, were watching her mother with alarm.
Marmeladov did not enter the door, but dropped on his knees in the very
doorway, pushing Raskolnikov in front of him. The woman seeing a
stranger stopped indifferently facing him, coming to herself for a
moment and apparently wondering what he had come for. But evidently she
decided that he was going into the next room, as he had to pass through
hers to get there. Taking no further notice of him, she walked towards
the outer door to close it and uttered a sudden scream on seeing her
husband on his knees in the doorway.
"Ah!" she cried out in a frenzy,
"he has come back! The criminal! the monster!... And where is the
money? What's in your pocket, show me! And your clothes are all
different! Where are your clothes? Where is the money! Speak!"
And she fell to searching him. Marmeladov
submissively and obediently held up both arms to facilitate the search.
Not a farthing was there.
"Where is the money?" she
cried—"Mercy on us, can he have drunk it all? There were twelve
silver roubles left in the chest!" and in a fury she seized him by
the hair and dragged him into the room. Marmeladov seconded her efforts
by meekly crawling along on his knees.
"And this is a consolation to me! This does
not hurt me, but is a positive con-so-la-tion, ho-nou-red sir," he
called out, shaken to and fro by his hair and even once striking the
ground with his forehead. The child asleep on the floor woke up, and
began to cry. The boy in the corner losing all control began trembling
and screaming and rushed to his sister in violent terror, almost in a
fit. The eldest girl was shaking like a leaf.
"He's drunk it! he's drunk it all," the
poor woman screamed in despair—"and his clothes are gone! And
they are hungry, hungry!"—and wringing her hands she pointed to
the children. "Oh, accursed life! And you, are you not
ashamed?"—she pounced all at once upon Raskolnikov—"from
the tavern! Have you been drinking with him? You have been drinking with
him, too! Go away!"
The young man was hastening away without uttering
a word. The inner door was thrown wide open and inquisitive faces were
peering in at it. Coarse laughing faces with pipes and cigarettes and
heads wearing caps thrust themselves in at the doorway. Further in could
be seen figures in dressing gowns flung open, in costumes of unseemly
scantiness, some of them with cards in their hands. They were
particularly diverted, when Marmeladov, dragged about by his hair,
shouted that it was a consolation to him. They even began to come into
the room; at last a sinister shrill outcry was heard: this came from
Amalia Lippevechsel herself pushing her way amongst them and trying to
restore order after her own fashion and for the hundredth time to
frighten the poor woman by ordering her with coarse abuse to clear out
of the room next day. As he went out, Raskolnikov had time to put his
hand into his pocket, to snatch up the coppers he had received in
exchange for his rouble in the tavern and to lay them unnoticed on the
window. Afterwards on the stairs, he changed his mind and would have
gone back.
"What a stupid thing I've done," he
thought to himself, "they have Sonia and I want it myself."
But reflecting that it would be impossible to take it back now and that
in any case he would not have taken it, he dismissed it with a wave of
his hand and went back to his lodging. "Sonia wants pomatum
too," he said as he walked along the street, and he laughed
malignantly—"such smartness costs money.... Hm! And maybe Sonia
herself will be bankrupt to-day, for there is always a risk, hunting big
game... digging for gold... then they would all be without a crust
to-morrow except for my money. Hurrah for Sonia! What a mine they've dug
there! And they're making the most of it! Yes, they are making the most
of it! They've wept over it and grown used to it. Man grows used to
everything, the scoundrel!"
He sank into thought.
"And what if I am wrong," he cried
suddenly after a moment's thought. "What if man is not really a
scoundrel, man in general, I mean, the whole race of mankind—then all
the rest is prejudice, simply artificial terrors and there are no
barriers and it's all as it should be."
CHAPTER III
He waked up late next day after a broken sleep.
But his sleep had not refreshed him; he waked up bilious, irritable,
ill-tempered, and looked with hatred at his room. It was a tiny cupboard
of a room about six paces in length. It had a poverty-stricken
appearance with its dusty yellow paper peeling off the walls, and it was
so low-pitched that a man of more than average height was ill at ease in
it and felt every moment that he would knock his head against the
ceiling. The furniture was in keeping with the room: there were three
old chairs, rather rickety; a painted table in the corner on which lay a
few manuscripts and books; the dust that lay thick upon them showed that
they had been long untouched. A big clumsy sofa occupied almost the
whole of one wall and half the floor space of the room; it was once
covered with chintz, but was now in rags and served Raskolnikov as a
bed. Often he went to sleep on it, as he was, without undressing,
without sheets, wrapped in his old student's overcoat, with his head on
one little pillow, under which he heaped up all the linen he had, clean
and dirty, by way of a bolster. A little table stood in front of the
sofa.
It would have been difficult to sink to a lower
ebb of disorder, but to Raskolnikov in his present state of mind this
was positively agreeable. He had got completely away from everyone, like
a tortoise in its shell, and even the sight of a servant girl who had to
wait upon him and looked sometimes into his room made him writhe with
nervous irritation. He was in the condition that overtakes some
monomaniacs entirely concentrated upon one thing. His landlady had for
the last fortnight given up sending him in meals, and he had not yet
thought of expostulating with her, though he went without his dinner.
Nastasya, the cook and only servant, was rather pleased at the lodger's
mood and had entirely given up sweeping and doing his room, only once a
week or so she would stray into his room with a broom. She waked him up
that day.
"Get up, why are you asleep?" she called
to him. "It's past nine, I have brought you some tea; will you have
a cup? I should think you're fairly starving?"
Raskolnikov opened his eyes, started and
recognised Nastasya.
"From the landlady, eh?" he asked,
slowly and with a sickly face sitting up on the sofa.
"From the landlady, indeed!"
She set before him her own cracked teapot full of
weak and stale tea and laid two yellow lumps of sugar by the side of it.
"Here, Nastasya, take it please," he
said, fumbling in his pocket (for he had slept in his clothes) and
taking out a handful of coppers—"run and buy me a loaf. And get
me a little sausage, the cheapest, at the pork-butcher's."
"The loaf I'll fetch you this very minute,
but wouldn't you rather have some cabbage soup instead of sausage? It's
capital soup, yesterday's. I saved it for you yesterday, but you came in
late. It's fine soup."
When the soup had been brought, and he had begun
upon it, Nastasya sat down beside him on the sofa and began chatting.
She was a country peasant-woman and a very talkative one.
"Praskovya Pavlovna means to complain to the
police about you," she said.
He scowled.
"To the police? What does she want?"
"You don't pay her money and you won't turn
out of the room. That's what she wants, to be sure."
"The devil, that's the last straw," he
muttered, grinding his teeth, "no, that would not suit me... just
now. She is a fool," he added aloud. "I'll go and talk to her
to-day."
"Fool she is and no mistake, just as I am.
But why, if you are so clever, do you lie here like a sack and have
nothing to show for it? One time you used to go out, you say, to teach
children. But why is it you do nothing now?"
"I am doing..." Raskolnikov began
sullenly and reluctantly.
"What are you doing?"
"Work..."
"What sort of work?"
"I am thinking," he answered seriously
after a pause.
Nastasya was overcome with a fit of laughter. She
was given to laughter and when anything amused her, she laughed
inaudibly, quivering and shaking all over till she felt ill.
"And have you made much money by your
thinking?" she managed to articulate at last.
"One can't go out to give lessons without
boots. And I'm sick of it."
"Don't quarrel with your bread and
butter."
"They pay so little for lessons. What's the
use of a few coppers?" he answered, reluctantly, as though replying
to his own thought.
"And you want to get a fortune all at
once?"
He looked at her strangely.
"Yes, I want a fortune," he answered
firmly, after a brief pause.
"Don't be in such a hurry, you quite frighten
me! Shall I get you the loaf or not?"
"As you please."
"Ah, I forgot! A letter came for you
yesterday when you were out."
"A letter? for me! from whom?"
"I can't say. I gave three copecks of my own
to the postman for it. Will you pay me back?"
"Then bring it to me, for God's sake, bring
it," cried Raskolnikov greatly excited—"good God!"
A minute later the letter was brought him. That
was it: from his mother, from the province of R——. He turned pale
when he took it. It was a long while since he had received a letter, but
another feeling also suddenly stabbed his heart.
"Nastasya, leave me alone, for goodness'
sake; here are your three copecks, but for goodness' sake, make haste
and go!"
The letter was quivering in his hand; he did not
want to open it in her presence; he wanted to be left alone with
this letter. When Nastasya had gone out, he lifted it quickly to his
lips and kissed it; then he gazed intently at the address, the small,
sloping handwriting, so dear and familiar, of the mother who had once
taught him to read and write. He delayed; he seemed almost afraid of
something. At last he opened it; it was a thick heavy letter, weighing
over two ounces, two large sheets of note paper were covered with very
small handwriting.
"My dear Rodya," wrote his
mother—"it's two months since I last had a talk with you by
letter which has distressed me and even kept me awake at night,
thinking. But I am sure you will not blame me for my inevitable silence.
You know how I love you; you are all we have to look to, Dounia and I,
you are our all, our one hope, our one stay. What a grief it was to me
when I heard that you had given up the university some months ago, for
want of means to keep yourself and that you had lost your lessons and
your other work! How could I help you out of my hundred and twenty
roubles a year pension? The fifteen roubles I sent you four months ago I
borrowed, as you know, on security of my pension, from Vassily
Ivanovitch Vahrushin a merchant of this town. He is a kind-hearted man
and was a friend of your father's too. But having given him the right to
receive the pension, I had to wait till the debt was paid off and that
is only just done, so that I've been unable to send you anything all
this time. But now, thank God, I believe I shall be able to send you
something more and in fact we may congratulate ourselves on our good
fortune now, of which I hasten to inform you. In the first place, would
you have guessed, dear Rodya, that your sister has been living with me
for the last six weeks and we shall not be separated in the future.
Thank God, her sufferings are over, but I will tell you everything in
order, so that you may know just how everything has happened and all
that we have hitherto concealed from you. When you wrote to me two
months ago that you had heard that Dounia had a great deal to put up
with in the Svidrigraïlovs' house, when you wrote that and asked me to
tell you all about it—what could I write in answer to you? If I had
written the whole truth to you, I dare say you would have thrown up
everything and have come to us, even if you had to walk all the way, for
I know your character and your feelings, and you would not let your
sister be insulted. I was in despair myself, but what could I do? And,
besides, I did not know the whole truth myself then. What made it all so
difficult was that Dounia received a hundred roubles in advance when she
took the place as governess in their family, on condition of part of her
salary being deducted every month, and so it was impossible to throw up
the situation without repaying the debt. This sum (now I can explain it
all to you, my precious Rodya) she took chiefly in order to send you
sixty roubles, which you needed so terribly then and which you received
from us last year. We deceived you then, writing that this money came
from Dounia's savings, but that was not so, and now I tell you all about
it, because, thank God, things have suddenly changed for the better, and
that you may know how Dounia loves you and what a heart she has. At
first indeed Mr. Svidrigaïlov treated her very rudely and used to make
disrespectful and jeering remarks at table.... But I don't want to go
into all those painful details, so as not to worry you for nothing when
it is now all over. In short, in spite of the kind and generous
behaviour of Marfa Petrovna, Mr. Svidrigaïlov's wife, and all the rest
of the household, Dounia had a very hard time, especially when Mr.
Svidrigaïlov, relapsing into his old regimental habits, was under the
influence of Bacchus. And how do you think it was all explained later
on? Would you believe that the crazy fellow had conceived a passion for
Dounia from the beginning, but had concealed it under a show of rudeness
and contempt. Possibly he was ashamed and horrified himself at his own
flighty hopes, considering his years and his being the father of a
family; and that made him angry with Dounia. And possibly, too, he hoped
by his rude and sneering behaviour to hide the truth from others. But at
last he lost all control and had the face to make Dounia an open and
shameful proposal, promising her all sorts of inducements and offering,
besides, to throw up everything and take her to another estate of his,
or even abroad. You can imagine all she went through! To leave her
situation at once was impossible not only on account of the money debt,
but also to spare the feelings of Marfa Petrovna, whose suspicions would
have been aroused: and then Dounia would have been the cause of a
rupture in the family. And it would have meant a terrible scandal for
Dounia too; that would have been inevitable. There were various other
reasons owing to which Dounia could not hope to escape from that awful
house for another six weeks. You know Dounia, of course; you know how
clever she is and what a strong will she has. Dounia can endure a great
deal and even in the most difficult cases she has the fortitude to
maintain her firmness. She did not even write to me about everything for
fear of upsetting me, although we were constantly in communication. It
all ended very unexpectedly. Marfa Petrovna accidentally overheard her
husband imploring Dounia in the garden, and, putting quite a wrong
interpretation on the position, threw the blame upon her, believing her
to be the cause of it all. An awful scene took place between them on the
spot in the garden; Marfa Petrovna went so far as to strike Dounia,
refused to hear anything and was shouting at her for a whole hour and
then gave orders that Dounia should be packed off at once to me in a
plain peasant's cart, into which they flung all her things, her linen
and her clothes, all pell-mell, without folding it up and packing it.
And a heavy shower of rain came on, too, and Dounia, insulted and put to
shame, had to drive with a peasant in an open cart all the seventeen
versts into town. Only think now what answer could I have sent to the
letter I received from you two months ago and what could I have written?
I was in despair; I dared not write to you the truth because you would
have been very unhappy, mortified and indignant, and yet what could you
do? You could only perhaps ruin yourself, and, besides, Dounia would not
allow it; and fill up my letter with trifles when my heart was so full
of sorrow, I could not. For a whole month the town was full of gossip
about this scandal, and it came to such a pass that Dounia and I dared
not even go to church on account of the contemptuous looks, whispers,
and even remarks made aloud about us. All our acquaintances avoided us,
nobody even bowed to us in the street, and I learnt that some shopmen
and clerks were intending to insult us in a shameful way, smearing the
gates of our house with pitch, so that the landlord began to tell us we
must leave. All this was set going by Marfa Petrovna who managed to
slander Dounia and throw dirt at her in every family. She knows everyone
in the neighbourhood, and that month she was continually coming into the
town, and as she is rather talkative and fond of gossiping about her
family affairs and particularly of complaining to all and each of her
husband—which is not at all right—so in a short time she had spread
her story not only in the town, but over the whole surrounding district.
It made me ill, but Dounia bore it better than I did, and if only you
could have seen how she endured it all and tried to comfort me and cheer
me up! She is an angel! But by God's mercy, our sufferings were cut
short: Mr. Svidrigaïlov returned to his senses and repented and,
probably feeling sorry for Dounia, he laid before Marfa Petrovna a
complete and unmistakable proof of Dounia's innocence, in the form of a
letter Dounia had been forced to write and give to him, before Marfa
Petrovna came upon them in the garden. This letter, which remained in
Mr. Svidrigaïlov's hands after her departure, she had written to refuse
personal explanations and secret interviews, for which he was entreating
her. In that letter she reproached him with great heat and indignation
for the baseness of his behaviour in regard to Marfa Petrovna, reminding
him that he was the father and head of a family and telling him how
infamous it was of him to torment and make unhappy a defenceless girl,
unhappy enough already. Indeed, dear Rodya, the letter was so nobly and
touchingly written that I sobbed when I read it and to this day I cannot
read it without tears. Moreover, the evidence of the servants, too,
cleared Dounia's reputation; they had seen and known a great deal more
than Mr. Svidrigaïlov had himself supposed—as indeed is always the
case with servants. Marfa Petrovna was completely taken aback, and
'again crushed' as she said herself to us, but she was completely
convinced of Dounia's innocence. The very next day, being Sunday, she
went straight to the Cathedral, knelt down and prayed with tears to Our
Lady to give her strength to bear this new trial and to do her duty.
Then she came straight from the Cathedral to us, told us the whole
story, wept bitterly and, fully penitent, she embraced Dounia and
besought her to forgive her. The same morning without any delay, she
went round to all the houses in the town and everywhere, shedding tears,
she asserted in the most flattering terms Dounia's innocence and the
nobility of her feelings and her behavior. What was more, she showed and
read to everyone the letter in Dounia's own handwriting to Mr. Svidrigaïlov
and even allowed them to take copies of it—which I must say I think
was superfluous. In this way she was busy for several days in driving
about the whole town, because some people had taken offence through
precedence having been given to others. And therefore they had to take
turns, so that in every house she was expected before she arrived, and
everyone knew that on such and such a day Marfa Petrovna would be
reading the letter in such and such a place and people assembled for
every reading of it, even many who had heard it several times already
both in their own houses and in other people's. In my opinion a great
deal, a very great deal of all this was unnecessary; but that's Marfa
Petrovna's character. Anyway she succeeded in completely re-establishing
Dounia's reputation and the whole ignominy of this affair rested as an
indelible disgrace upon her husband, as the only person to blame, so
that I really began to feel sorry for him; it was really treating the
crazy fellow too harshly. Dounia was at once asked to give lessons in
several families, but she refused. All of a sudden everyone began to
treat her with marked respect and all this did much to bring about the
event by which, one may say, our whole fortunes are now transformed. You
must know, dear Rodya, that Dounia has a suitor and that she has already
consented to marry him. I hasten to tell you all about the matter, and
though it has been arranged without asking your consent, I think you
will not be aggrieved with me or with your sister on that account, for
you will see that we could not wait and put off our decision till we
heard from you. And you could not have judged all the facts without
being on the spot. This was how it happened. He is already of the rank
of a counsellor, Pyotr Petrovitch Luzhin, and is distantly related to
Marfa Petrovna, who has been very active in bringing the match about. It
began with his expressing through her his desire to make our
acquaintance. He was properly received, drank coffee with us and the
very next day he sent us a letter in which he very courteously made an
offer and begged for a speedy and decided answer. He is a very busy man
and is in a great hurry to get to Petersburg, so that every moment is
precious to him. At first, of course, we were greatly surprised, as it
had all happened so quickly and unexpectedly. We thought and talked it
over the whole day. He is a well-to-do man, to be depended upon, he has
two posts in the government and has already made his fortune. It is true
that he is forty-five years old, but he is of a fairly prepossessing
appearance and might still be thought attractive by women, and he is
altogether a very respectable and presentable man, only he seems a
little morose and somewhat conceited. But possibly that may only be the
impression he makes at first sight. And beware, dear Rodya, when he
comes to Petersburg, as he shortly will do, beware of judging him too
hastily and severely, as your way is, if there is anything you do not
like in him at first sight. I give you this warning, although I feel
sure that he will make a favourable impression upon you. Moreover, in
order to understand any man one must be deliberate and careful to avoid
forming prejudices and mistaken ideas, which are very difficult to
correct and get over afterwards. And Pyotr Petrovitch, judging by many
indications, is a thoroughly estimable man. At his first visit, indeed,
he told us that he was a practical man, but still he shares, as he
expressed it, many of the convictions 'of our most rising generation'
and he is an opponent of all prejudices. He said a good deal more, for
he seems a little conceited and likes to be listened to, but this is
scarcely a vice. I, of course, understood very little of it, but Dounia
explained to me that, though he is not a man of great education, he is
clever and seems to be good-natured. You know your sister's character,
Rodya. She is a resolute, sensible, patient and generous girl, but she
has a passionate heart, as I know very well. Of course, there is no
great love either on his side, or on hers, but Dounia is a clever girl
and has the heart of an angel, and will make it her duty to make her
husband happy who on his side will make her happiness his care. Of that
we have no good reason to doubt, though it must be admitted the matter
has been arranged in great haste. Besides he is a man of great prudence
and he will see, to be sure, of himself, that his own happiness will be
the more secure, the happier Dounia is with him. And as for some defects
of character, for some habits and even certain differences of
opinion—which indeed are inevitable even in the happiest marriages—Dounia
has said that, as regards all that, she relies on herself, that there is
nothing to be uneasy about, and that she is ready to put up with a great
deal, if only their future relationship can be an honourable and
straightforward one. He struck me, for instance, at first, as rather
abrupt, but that may well come from his being an outspoken man, and that
is no doubt how it is. For instance, at his second visit, after he had
received Dounia's consent, in the course of conversation, he declared
that before making Dounia's acquaintance, he had made up his mind to
marry a girl of good reputation, without dowry and, above all, one who
had experienced poverty, because, as he explained, a man ought not to be
indebted to his wife, but that it is better for a wife to look upon her
husband as her benefactor. I must add that he expressed it more nicely
and politely than I have done, for I have forgotten his actual phrases
and only remember the meaning. And, besides, it was obviously not said
of design, but slipped out in the heat of conversation, so that he tried
afterwards to correct himself and smooth it over, but all the same it
did strike me as somewhat rude, and I said so afterwards to Dounia. But
Dounia was vexed, and answered that 'words are not deeds,' and that, of
course, is perfectly true. Dounia did not sleep all night before she
made up her mind, and, thinking that I was asleep, she got out of bed
and was walking up and down the room all night; at last she knelt down
before the ikon and prayed long and fervently and in the morning she
told me that she had decided.
"I have mentioned already that Pyotr
Petrovitch is just setting off for Petersburg, where he has a great deal
of business, |