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Contents
TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
EPILOGUE
TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE
A few words about Dostoevsky himself may help the
English reader to understand his work.
Dostoevsky was the son of a doctor. His parents
were very hard-working and deeply religious people, but so poor that
they lived with their five children in only two rooms. The father and
mother spent their evenings in reading aloud to their children,
generally from books of a serious character.
Though always sickly and delicate Dostoevsky came
out third in the final examination of the Petersburg school of
Engineering. There he had already begun his first work, "Poor
Folk."
This story was published by the poet Nekrassov in
his review and was received with acclamations. The shy, unknown youth
found himself instantly something of a celebrity. A brilliant and
successful career seemed to open before him, but those hopes were soon
dashed. In 1849 he was arrested.
Though neither by temperament nor conviction a
revolutionist, Dostoevsky was one of a little group of young men who met
together to read Fourier and Proudhon. He was accused of "taking
part in conversations against the censorship, of reading a letter from
Byelinsky to Gogol, and of knowing of the intention to set up a printing
press." Under Nicholas I. (that "stern and just man," as
Maurice Baring calls him) this was enough, and he was condemned to
death. After eight months' imprisonment he was with twenty-one others
taken out to the Semyonovsky Square to be shot. Writing to his brother
Mihail, Dostoevsky says: "They snapped words over our heads, and
they made us put on the white shirts worn by persons condemned to death.
Thereupon we were bound in threes to stakes, to suffer execution. Being
the third in the row, I concluded I had only a few minutes of life
before me. I thought of you and your dear ones and I contrived to kiss
Plestcheiev and Dourov, who were next to me, and to bid them farewell.
Suddenly the troops beat a tattoo, we were unbound, brought back upon
the scaffold, and informed that his Majesty had spared us our
lives." The sentence was commuted to hard labour.
One of the prisoners, Grigoryev, went mad as soon
as he was untied, and never regained his sanity.
The intense suffering of this experience left a
lasting stamp on Dostoevsky's mind. Though his religious temper led him
in the end to accept every suffering with resignation and to regard it
as a blessing in his own case, he constantly recurs to the subject in
his writings. He describes the awful agony of the condemned man and
insists on the cruelty of inflicting such torture. Then followed four
years of penal servitude, spent in the company of common criminals in
Siberia, where he began the "Dead House," and some years of
service in a disciplinary battalion.
He had shown signs of some obscure nervous disease
before his arrest and this now developed into violent attacks of
epilepsy, from which he suffered for the rest of his life. The fits
occurred three or four times a year and were more frequent in periods of
great strain. In 1859 he was allowed to return to Russia. He started a
journal—"Vremya," which was forbidden by the Censorship
through a misunderstanding. In 1864 he lost his first wife and his
brother Mihail. He was in terrible poverty, yet he took upon himself the
payment of his brother's debts. He started another journal—"The
Epoch," which within a few months was also prohibited. He was
weighed down by debt, his brother's family was dependent on him, he was
forced to write at heart-breaking speed, and is said never to have
corrected his work. The later years of his life were much softened by
the tenderness and devotion of his second wife.
In June 1880 he made his famous speech at the
unveiling of the monument to Pushkin in Moscow and he was received with
extraordinary demonstrations of love and honour.
A few months later Dostoevsky died. He was
followed to the grave by a vast multitude of mourners, who "gave
the hapless man the funeral of a king." He is still probably the
most widely read writer in Russia.
In the words of a Russian critic, who seeks to
explain the feeling inspired by Dostoevsky: "He was one of
ourselves, a man of our blood and our bone, but one who has suffered and
has seen so much more deeply than we have his insight impresses us as
wisdom... that wisdom of the heart which we seek that we may learn from
it how to live. All his other gifts came to him from nature, this he won
for himself and through it he became great."
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
PART I
CHAPTER I
On an exceptionally hot evening early in July a
young man came out of the garret in which he lodged in S. Place and
walked slowly, as though in hesitation, towards K. bridge.
He had successfully avoided meeting his landlady
on the staircase. His garret was under the roof of a high, five-storied
house and was more like a cupboard than a room. The landlady who
provided him with garret, dinners, and attendance, lived on the floor
below, and every time he went out he was obliged to pass her kitchen,
the door of which invariably stood open. And each time he passed, the
young man had a sick, frightened feeling, which made him scowl and feel
ashamed. He was hopelessly in debt to his landlady, and was afraid of
meeting her.
This was not because he was cowardly and abject,
quite the contrary; but for some time past he had been in an
overstrained irritable condition, verging on hypochondria. He had become
so completely absorbed in himself, and isolated from his fellows that he
dreaded meeting, not only his landlady, but anyone at all. He was
crushed by poverty, but the anxieties of his position had of late ceased
to weigh upon him. He had given up attending to matters of practical
importance; he had lost all desire to do so. Nothing that any landlady
could do had a real terror for him. But to be stopped on the stairs, to
be forced to listen to her trivial, irrelevant gossip, to pestering
demands for payment, threats and complaints, and to rack his brains for
excuses, to prevaricate, to lie—no, rather than that, he would creep
down the stairs like a cat and slip out unseen.
This evening, however, on coming out into the
street, he became acutely aware of his fears.
"I want to attempt a thing like that
and am frightened by these trifles," he thought, with an odd smile.
"Hm... yes, all is in a man's hands and he lets it all slip from
cowardice, that's an axiom. It would be interesting to know what it is
men are most afraid of. Taking a new step, uttering a new word is what
they fear most.... But I am talking too much. It's because I chatter
that I do nothing. Or perhaps it is that I chatter because I do nothing.
I've learned to chatter this last month, lying for days together in my
den thinking... of Jack the Giant-killer. Why am I going there now? Am I
capable of that? Is that serious? It is not serious at
all. It's simply a fantasy to amuse myself; a plaything! Yes, maybe it
is a plaything."
The heat in the street was terrible: and the
airlessness, the bustle and the plaster, scaffolding, bricks, and dust
all about him, and that special Petersburg stench, so familiar to all
who are unable to get out of town in summer—all worked painfully upon
the young man's already overwrought nerves. The insufferable stench from
the pot-houses, which are particularly numerous in that part of the
town, and the drunken men whom he met continually, although it was a
working day, completed the revolting misery of the picture. An
expression of the profoundest disgust gleamed for a moment in the young
man's refined face. He was, by the way, exceptionally handsome, above
the average in height, slim, well-built, with beautiful dark eyes and
dark brown hair. Soon he sank into deep thought, or more accurately
speaking into a complete blankness of mind; he walked along not
observing what was about him and not caring to observe it. From time to
time, he would mutter something, from the habit of talking to himself,
to which he had just confessed. At these moments he would become
conscious that his ideas were sometimes in a tangle and that he was very
weak; for two days he had scarcely tasted food.
He was so badly dressed that even a man accustomed
to shabbiness would have been ashamed to be seen in the street in such
rags. In that quarter of the town, however, scarcely any shortcoming in
dress would have created surprise. Owing to the proximity of the Hay
Market, the number of establishments of bad character, the preponderance
of the trading and working class population crowded in these streets and
alleys in the heart of Petersburg, types so various were to be seen in
the streets that no figure, however queer, would have caused surprise.
But there was such accumulated bitterness and contempt in the young
man's heart, that, in spite of all the fastidiousness of youth, he
minded his rags least of all in the street. It was a different matter
when he met with acquaintances or with former fellow students, whom,
indeed, he disliked meeting at any time. And yet when a drunken man who,
for some unknown reason, was being taken somewhere in a huge waggon
dragged by a heavy dray horse, suddenly shouted at him as he drove past:
"Hey there, German hatter" bawling at the top of his voice and
pointing at him—the young man stopped suddenly and clutched
tremulously at his hat. It was a tall round hat from Zimmerman's, but
completely worn out, rusty with age, all torn and bespattered, brimless
and bent on one side in a most unseemly fashion. Not shame, however, but
quite another feeling akin to terror had overtaken him.
"I knew it," he muttered in confusion,
"I thought so! That's the worst of all! Why, a stupid thing like
this, the most trivial detail might spoil the whole plan. Yes, my hat is
too noticeable.... It looks absurd and that makes it noticeable.... With
my rags I ought to wear a cap, any sort of old pancake, but not this
grotesque thing. Nobody wears such a hat, it would be noticed a mile
off, it would be remembered.... What matters is that people would
remember it, and that would give them a clue. For this business one
should be as little conspicuous as possible.... Trifles, trifles are
what matter! Why, it's just such trifles that always ruin
everything...."
He had not far to go; he knew indeed how many
steps it was from the gate of his lodging house: exactly seven hundred
and thirty. He had counted them once when he had been lost in dreams. At
the time he had put no faith in those dreams and was only tantalising
himself by their hideous but daring recklessness. Now, a month later, he
had begun to look upon them differently, and, in spite of the monologues
in which he jeered at his own impotence and indecision, he had
involuntarily come to regard this "hideous" dream as an
exploit to be attempted, although he still did not realise this himself.
He was positively going now for a "rehearsal" of his project,
and at every step his excitement grew more and more violent.
With a sinking heart and a nervous tremor, he went
up to a huge house which on one side looked on to the canal, and on the
other into the street. This house was let out in tiny tenements and was
inhabited by working people of all kinds—tailors, locksmiths, cooks,
Germans of sorts, girls picking up a living as best they could, petty
clerks, etc. There was a continual coming and going through the two
gates and in the two courtyards of the house. Three or four door-keepers
were employed on the building. The young man was very glad to meet none
of them, and at once slipped unnoticed through the door on the right,
and up the staircase. It was a back staircase, dark and narrow, but he
was familiar with it already, and knew his way, and he liked all these
surroundings: in such darkness even the most inquisitive eyes were not
to be dreaded.
"If I am so scared now, what would it be if
it somehow came to pass that I were really going to do it?" he
could not help asking himself as he reached the fourth storey. There his
progress was barred by some porters who were engaged in moving furniture
out of a flat. He knew that the flat had been occupied by a German clerk
in the civil service, and his family. This German was moving out then,
and so the fourth floor on this staircase would be untenanted except by
the old woman. "That's a good thing anyway," he thought to
himself, as he rang the bell of the old woman's flat. The bell gave a
faint tinkle as though it were made of tin and not of copper. The little
flats in such houses always have bells that ring like that. He had
forgotten the note of that bell, and now its peculiar tinkle seemed to
remind him of something and to bring it clearly before him.... He
started, his nerves were terribly overstrained by now. In a little
while, the door was opened a tiny crack: the old woman eyed her visitor
with evident distrust through the crack, and nothing could be seen but
her little eyes, glittering in the darkness. But, seeing a number of
people on the landing, she grew bolder, and opened the door wide. The
young man stepped into the dark entry, which was partitioned off from
the tiny kitchen. The old woman stood facing him in silence and looking
inquiringly at him. She was a diminutive, withered up old woman of
sixty, with sharp malignant eyes and a sharp little nose. Her colourless,
somewhat grizzled hair was thickly smeared with oil, and she wore no
kerchief over it. Round her thin long neck, which looked like a hen's
leg, was knotted some sort of flannel rag, and, in spite of the heat,
there hung flapping on her shoulders, a mangy fur cape, yellow with age.
The old woman coughed and groaned at every instant. The young man must
have looked at her with a rather peculiar expression, for a gleam of
mistrust came into her eyes again.
"Raskolnikov, a student, I came here a month
ago," the young man made haste to mutter, with a half bow,
remembering that he ought to be more polite.
"I remember, my good sir, I remember quite
well your coming here," the old woman said distinctly, still
keeping her inquiring eyes on his face.
"And here... I am again on the same
errand," Raskolnikov continued, a little disconcerted and surprised
at the old woman's mistrust. "Perhaps she is always like that
though, only I did not notice it the other time," he thought with
an uneasy feeling.
The old woman paused, as though hesitating; then
stepped on one side, and pointing to the door of the room, she said,
letting her visitor pass in front of her:
"Step in, my good sir."
The little room into which the young man walked,
with yellow paper on the walls, geraniums and muslin curtains in the
windows, was brightly lighted up at that moment by the setting sun.
"So the sun will shine like this then
too!" flashed as it were by chance through Raskolnikov's mind, and
with a rapid glance he scanned everything in the room, trying as far as
possible to notice and remember its arrangement. But there was nothing
special in the room. The furniture, all very old and of yellow wood,
consisted of a sofa with a huge bent wooden back, an oval table in front
of the sofa, a dressing-table with a looking-glass fixed on it between
the windows, chairs along the walls and two or three half-penny prints
in yellow frames, representing German damsels with birds in their
hands—that was all. In the corner a light was burning before a small
ikon. Everything was very clean; the floor and the furniture were
brightly polished; everything shone.
"Lizaveta's work," thought the young
man. There was not a speck of dust to be seen in the whole flat.
"It's in the houses of spiteful old widows
that one finds such cleanliness," Raskolnikov thought again, and he
stole a curious glance at the cotton curtain over the door leading into
another tiny room, in which stood the old woman's bed and chest of
drawers and into which he had never looked before. These two rooms made
up the whole flat.
"What do you want?" the old woman said
severely, coming into the room and, as before, standing in front of him
so as to look him straight in the face.
"I've brought something to pawn here,"
and he drew out of his pocket an old-fashioned flat silver watch, on the
back of which was engraved a globe; the chain was of steel.
"But the time is up for your last pledge. The
month was up the day before yesterday."
"I will bring you the interest for another
month; wait a little."
"But that's for me to do as I please, my good
sir, to wait or to sell your pledge at once."
"How much will you give me for the watch,
Alyona Ivanovna?"
"You come with such trifles, my good sir,
it's scarcely worth anything. I gave you two roubles last time for your
ring and one could buy it quite new at a jeweler's for a rouble and a
half."
"Give me four roubles for it, I shall redeem
it, it was my father's. I shall be getting some money soon."
"A rouble and a half, and interest in
advance, if you like!"
"A rouble and a half!" cried the young
man.
"Please yourself"—and the old woman
handed him back the watch. The young man took it, and was so angry that
he was on the point of going away; but checked himself at once,
remembering that there was nowhere else he could go, and that he had had
another object also in coming.
"Hand it over," he said roughly.
The old woman fumbled in her pocket for her keys,
and disappeared behind the curtain into the other room. The young man,
left standing alone in the middle of the room, listened inquisitively,
thinking. He could hear her unlocking the chest of drawers.
"It must be the top drawer," he
reflected. "So she carries the keys in a pocket on the right. All
in one bunch on a steel ring.... And there's one key there, three times
as big as all the others, with deep notches; that can't be the key of
the chest of drawers... then there must be some other chest or
strong-box... that's worth knowing. Strong-boxes always have keys like
that... but how degrading it all is."
The old woman came back.
"Here, sir: as we say ten copecks the rouble
a month, so I must take fifteen copecks from a rouble and a half for the
month in advance. But for the two roubles I lent you before, you owe me
now twenty copecks on the same reckoning in advance. That makes
thirty-five copecks altogether. So I must give you a rouble and fifteen
copecks for the watch. Here it is."
"What! only a rouble and fifteen copecks
now!"
"Just so."
The young man did not dispute it and took the
money. He looked at the old woman, and was in no hurry to get away, as
though there was still something he wanted to say or to do, but he did
not himself quite know what.
"I may be bringing you something else in a
day or two, Alyona Ivanovna—a valuable thing—silver—a
cigarette-box, as soon as I get it back from a friend..." he broke
off in confusion.
"Well, we will talk about it then, sir."
"Good-bye—are you always at home alone,
your sister is not here with you?" He asked her as casually as
possible as he went out into the passage.
"What business is she of yours, my good
sir?"
"Oh, nothing particular, I simply asked. You
are too quick.... Good-day, Alyona Ivanovna."
Raskolnikov went out in complete confusion. This
confusion became more and more intense. As he went down the stairs, he
even stopped short, two or three times, as though suddenly struck by
some thought. When he was in the street he cried out, "Oh, God, how
loathsome it all is! and can I, can I possibly.... No, it's nonsense,
it's rubbish!" he added resolutely. "And how could such an
atrocious thing come into my head? What filthy things my heart is
capable of. Yes, filthy above all, disgusting, loathsome,
loathsome!—and for a whole month I've been...." But no words, no
exclamations, could express his agitation. The feeling of intense
repulsion, which had begun to oppress and torture his heart while he was
on his way to the old woman, had by now reached such a pitch and had
taken such a definite form that he did not know what to do with himself
to escape from his wretchedness. He walked along the pavement like a
drunken man, regardless of the passers-by, and jostling against them,
and only came to his senses when he was in the next street. Looking
round, he noticed that he was standing close to a tavern which was
entered by steps leading from the pavement to the basement. At that
instant two drunken men came out at the door, and abusing and supporting
one another, they mounted the steps. Without stopping to think,
Raskolnikov went down the steps at once. Till that moment he had never
been into a tavern, but now he felt giddy and was tormented by a burning
thirst. He longed for a drink of cold beer, and attributed his sudden
weakness to the want of food. He sat down at a sticky little table in a
dark and dirty corner; ordered some beer, and eagerly drank off the
first glassful. At once he felt easier; and his thoughts became clear.
"All that's nonsense," he said
hopefully, "and there is nothing in it all to worry about! It's
simply physical derangement. Just a glass of beer, a piece of dry
bread—and in one moment the brain is stronger, the mind is clearer and
the will is firm! Phew, how utterly petty it all is!"
But in spite of this scornful reflection, he was
by now looking cheerful as though he were suddenly set free from a
terrible burden: and he gazed round in a friendly way at the people in
the room. But even at that moment he had a dim foreboding that this
happier frame of mind was also not normal.
There were few people at the time in the tavern.
Besides the two drunken men he had met on the steps, a group consisting
of about five men and a girl with a concertina had gone out at the same
time. Their departure left the room quiet and rather empty. The persons
still in the tavern were a man who appeared to be an artisan, drunk, but
not extremely so, sitting before a pot of beer, and his companion, a
huge, stout man with a grey beard, in a short full-skirted coat. He was
very drunk: and had dropped asleep on the bench; every now and then, he
began as though in his sleep, cracking his fingers, with his arms wide
apart and the upper part of his body bounding about on the bench, while
he hummed some meaningless refrain, trying to recall some such lines as
these:
"His wife a year he fondly loved His wife
a—a year he—fondly loved."
Or suddenly waking up again:
"Walking along the crowded row He met the one
he used to know."
But no one shared his enjoyment: his silent
companion looked with positive hostility and mistrust at all these
manifestations. There was another man in the room who looked somewhat
like a retired government clerk. He was sitting apart, now and then
sipping from his pot and looking round at the company. He, too, appeared
to be in some agitation.
CHAPTER II
Raskolnikov was not used to crowds, and, as we
said before, he avoided society of every sort, more especially of late.
But now all at once he felt a desire to be with other people. Something
new seemed to be taking place within him, and with it he felt a sort of
thirst for company. He was so weary after a whole month of concentrated
wretchedness and gloomy excitement that he longed to rest, if only for a
moment, in some other world, whatever it might be; and, in spite of the
filthiness of the surroundings, he was glad now to stay in the tavern.
The master of the establishment was in another
room, but he frequently came down some steps into the main room, his
jaunty, tarred boots with red turn-over tops coming into view each time
before the rest of his person. He wore a full coat and a horribly greasy
black satin waistcoat, with no cravat, and his whole face seemed smeared
with oil like an iron lock. At the counter stood a boy of about
fourteen, and there was another boy somewhat younger who handed whatever
was wanted. On the counter lay some sliced cucumber, some pieces of
dried black bread, and some fish, chopped up small, all smelling very
bad. It was insufferably close, and so heavy with the fumes of spirits
that five minutes in such an atmosphere might well make a man drunk.
There are chance meetings with strangers that
interest us from the first moment, before a word is spoken. Such was the
impression made on Raskolnikov by the person sitting a little distance
from him, who looked like a retired clerk. The young man often recalled
this impression afterwards, and even ascribed it to presentiment. He
looked repeatedly at the clerk, partly no doubt because the latter was
staring persistently at him, obviously anxious to enter into
conversation. At the other persons in the room, including the
tavern-keeper, the clerk looked as though he were used to their company,
and weary of it, showing a shade of condescending contempt for them as
persons of station and culture inferior to his own, with whom it would
be useless for him to converse. He was a man over fifty, bald and
grizzled, of medium height, and stoutly built. His face, bloated from
continual drinking, was of a yellow, even greenish, tinge, with swollen
eyelids out of which keen reddish eyes gleamed like little chinks. But
there was something very strange in him; there was a light in his eyes
as though of intense feeling—perhaps there were even thought and
intelligence, but at the same time there was a gleam of something like
madness. He was wearing an old and hopelessly ragged black dress coat,
with all its buttons missing except one, and that one he had buttoned,
evidently clinging to this last trace of respectability. A crumpled
shirt front, covered with spots and stains, protruded from his canvas
waistcoat. Like a clerk, he wore no beard, nor moustache, but had been
so long unshaven that his chin looked like a stiff greyish brush. And
there was something respectable and like an official about his manner
too. But he was restless; he ruffled up his hair and from time to time
let his head drop into his hands dejectedly resting his ragged elbows on
the stained and sticky table. At last he looked straight at Raskolnikov,
and said loudly and resolutely:
"May I venture, honoured sir, to engage you
in polite conversation? Forasmuch as, though your exterior would not
command respect, my experience admonishes me that you are a man of
education and not accustomed to drinking. I have always respected
education when in conjunction with genuine sentiments, and I am besides
a titular counsellor in rank. Marmeladov—such is my name; titular
counsellor. I make bold to inquire—have you been in the service?"
"No, I am studying," answered the young
man, somewhat surprised at the grandiloquent style of the speaker and
also at being so directly addressed. In spite of the momentary desire he
had just been feeling for company of any sort, on being actually spoken
to he felt immediately his habitual irritable and uneasy aversion for
any stranger who approached or attempted to approach him.
"A student then, or formerly a student,"
cried the clerk. "Just what I thought! I'm a man of experience,
immense experience, sir," and he tapped his forehead with his
fingers in self-approval. "You've been a student or have attended
some learned institution!... But allow me...." He got up,
staggered, took up his jug and glass, and sat down beside the young man,
facing him a little sideways. He was drunk, but spoke fluently and
boldly, only occasionally losing the thread of his sentences and
drawling his words. He pounced upon Raskolnikov as greedily as though he
too had not spoken to a soul for a month.
"Honoured sir," he began almost with
solemnity, "poverty is not a vice, that's a true saying. Yet I know
too that drunkenness is not a virtue, and that that's even truer. But
beggary, honoured sir, beggary is a vice. In poverty you may still
retain your innate nobility of soul, but in beggary—never—no one.
For beggary a man is not chased out of human society with a stick, he is
swept out with a broom, so as to make it as humiliating as possible; and
quite right, too, forasmuch as in beggary I am ready to be the first to
humiliate myself. Hence the pot-house! Honoured sir, a month ago Mr.
Lebeziatnikov gave my wife a beating, and my wife is a very different
matter from me! Do you understand? Allow me to ask you another question
out of simple curiosity: have you ever spent a night on a hay barge, on
the Neva?"
"No, I have not happened to," answered
Raskolnikov. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I've just come from one and it's the
fifth night I've slept so...." He filled his glass, emptied it and
paused. Bits of hay were in fact clinging to his clothes and sticking to
his hair. It seemed quite probable that he had not undressed or washed
for the last five days. His hands, particularly, were filthy. They were
fat and red, with black nails.
His conversation seemed to excite a general though
languid interest. The boys at the counter fell to sniggering. The
innkeeper came down from the upper room, apparently on purpose to listen
to the "funny fellow" and sat down at a little distance,
yawning lazily, but with dignity. Evidently Marmeladov was a familiar
figure here, and he had most likely acquired his weakness for high-flown
speeches from the habit of frequently entering into conversation with
strangers of all sorts in the tavern. This habit develops into a
necessity in some drunkards, and especially in those who are looked
after sharply and kept in order at home. Hence in the company of other
drinkers they try to justify themselves and even if possible obtain
consideration.
"Funny fellow!" pronounced the
innkeeper. "And why don't you work, why aren't you at your duty, if
you are in the service?"
"Why am I not at my duty, honoured sir,"
Marmeladov went on, addressing himself exclusively to Raskolnikov, as
though it had been he who put that question to him. "Why am I not
at my duty? Does not my heart ache to think what a useless worm I am? A
month ago when Mr. Lebeziatnikov beat my wife with his own hands, and I
lay drunk, didn't I suffer? Excuse me, young man, has it ever happened
to you... hm... well, to petition hopelessly for a loan?"
"Yes, it has. But what do you mean by
hopelessly?"
"Hopelessly in the fullest sense, when you
know beforehand that you will get nothing by it. You know, for instance,
beforehand with positive certainty that this man, this most reputable
and exemplary citizen, will on no consideration give you money; and
indeed I ask you why should he? For he knows of course that I shan't pay
it back. From compassion? But Mr. Lebeziatnikov who keeps up with modern
ideas explained the other day that compassion is forbidden nowadays by
science itself, and that that's what is done now in England, where there
is political economy. Why, I ask you, should he give it to me? And yet
though I know beforehand that he won't, I set off to him and..."
"Why do you go?" put in Raskolnikov.
"Well, when one has no one, nowhere else one
can go! For every man must have somewhere to go. Since there are times
when one absolutely must go somewhere! When my own daughter first went
out with a yellow ticket, then I had to go... (for my daughter has a
yellow passport)," he added in parenthesis, looking with a certain
uneasiness at the young man. "No matter, sir, no matter!" he
went on hurriedly and with apparent composure when both the boys at the
counter guffawed and even the innkeeper smiled—"No matter, I am
not confounded by the wagging of their heads; for everyone knows
everything about it already, and all that is secret is made open. And I
accept it all, not with contempt, but with humility. So be it! So be it!
'Behold the man!' Excuse me, young man, can you.... No, to put it more
strongly and more distinctly; not can you but dare you,
looking upon me, assert that I am not a pig?"
The young man did not answer a word.
"Well," the orator began again stolidly
and with even increased dignity, after waiting for the laughter in the
room to subside. "Well, so be it, I am a pig, but she is a lady! I
have the semblance of a beast, but Katerina Ivanovna, my spouse, is a
person of education and an officer's daughter. Granted, granted, I am a
scoundrel, but she is a woman of a noble heart, full of sentiments,
refined by education. And yet... oh, if only she felt for me! Honoured
sir, honoured sir, you know every man ought to have at least one place
where people feel for him! But Katerina Ivanovna, though she is
magnanimous, she is unjust.... And yet, although I realise that when she
pulls my hair she only does it out of pity—for I repeat without being
ashamed, she pulls my hair, young man," he declared with redoubled
dignity, hearing the sniggering again—"but, my God, if she would
but once.... But no, no! It's all in vain and it's no use talking! No
use talking! For more than once, my wish did come true and more than
once she has felt for me but... such is my fate and I am a beast by
nature!"
"Rather!" assented the innkeeper
yawning. Marmeladov struck his fist resolutely on the table.
"Such is my fate! Do you know, sir, do you
know, I have sold her very stockings for drink? Not her shoes—that
would be more or less in the order of things, but her stockings, her
stockings I have sold for drink! Her mohair shawl I sold for drink, a
present to her long ago, her own property, not mine; and we live in a
cold room and she caught cold this winter and has begun coughing and
spitting blood too. We have three little children and Katerina Ivanovna
is at work from morning till night; she is scrubbing and cleaning and
washing the children, for she's been used to cleanliness from a child.
But her chest is weak and she has a tendency to consumption and I feel
it! Do you suppose I don't feel it? And the more I drink the more I feel
it. That's why I drink too. I try to find sympathy and feeling in
drink.... I drink so that I may suffer twice as much!" And as
though in despair he laid his head down on the table.
"Young man," he went on, raising his
head again, "in your face I seem to read some trouble of mind. When
you came in I read it, and that was why I addressed you at once. For in
unfolding to you the story of my life, I do not wish to make myself a
laughing-stock before these idle listeners, who indeed know all about it
already, but I am looking for a man of feeling and education. Know then
that my wife was educated in a high-class school for the daughters of
noblemen, and on leaving she danced the shawl dance before the governor
and other personages for which she was presented with a gold medal and a
certificate of merit. The medal... well, the medal of course was
sold—long ago, hm... but the certificate of merit is in her trunk
still and not long ago she showed it to our landlady. And although she
is most continually on bad terms with the landlady, yet she wanted to
tell someone or other of her past honours and of the happy days that are
gone. I don't condemn her for it, I don't blame her, for the one thing
left her is recollection of the past, and all the rest is dust and
ashes. Yes, yes, she is a lady of spirit, proud and determined. She
scrubs the floors herself and has nothing but black bread to eat, but
won't allow herself to be treated with disrespect. That's why she would
not overlook Mr. Lebeziatnikov's rudeness to her, and so when he gave
her a beating for it, she took to her bed more from the hurt to her
feelings than from the blows. She was a widow when I married her, with
three children, one smaller than the other. She married her first
husband, an infantry officer, for love, and ran away with him from her
father's house. She was exceedingly fond of her husband; but he gave way
to cards, got into trouble and with that he died. He used to beat her at
the end: and although she paid him back, of which I have authentic
documentary evidence, to this day she speaks of him with tears and she
throws him up to me; and I am glad, I am glad that, though only in
imagination, she should think of herself as having once been happy....
And she was left at his death with three children in a wild and remote
district where I happened to be at the time; and she was left in such
hopeless poverty that, although I have seen many ups and downs of all
sort, I don't feel equal to describing it even. Her relations had all
thrown her off. And she was proud, too, excessively proud.... And then,
honoured sir, and then, I, being at the time a widower, with a daughter
of fourteen left me by my first wife, offered her my hand, for I could
not bear the sight of such suffering. You can judge the extremity of her
calamities, that she, a woman of education and culture and distinguished
family, should have consented to be my wife. But she did! Weeping and
sobbing and wringing her hands, she married me! For she had nowhere to
turn! Do you understand, sir, do you understand what it means when you
have absolutely nowhere to turn? No, that you don't understand yet....
And for a whole year, I performed my duties conscientiously and
faithfully, and did not touch this" (he tapped the jug with his
finger), "for I have feelings. But even so, I could not please her;
and then I lost my place too, and that through no fault of mine but
through changes in the office; and then I did touch it!... It will be a
year and a half ago soon since we found ourselves at last after many
wanderings and numerous calamities in this magnificent capital, adorned
with innumerable monuments. Here I obtained a situation.... I obtained
it and I lost it again. Do you understand? This time it was through my
own fault I lost it: for my weakness had come out.... We have now part
of a room at Amalia Fyodorovna Lippevechsel's; and what we live upon and
what we pay our rent with, I could not say. There are a lot of people
living there besides ourselves. Dirt and disorder, a perfect Bedlam...
hm... yes... And meanwhile my daughter by my first wife has grown up;
and what my daughter has had to put up with from her step-mother whilst
she was growing up, I won't speak of. For, though Katerina Ivanovna is
full of generous feelings, she is a spirited lady, irritable and
short—tempered.... Yes. But it's no use going over that! Sonia, as you
may well fancy, has had no education. I did make an effort four years
ago to give her a course of geography and universal history, but as I
was not very well up in those subjects myself and we had no suitable
books, and what books we had... hm, anyway we have not even those now,
so all our instruction came to an end. We stopped at Cyrus of Persia.
Since she has attained years of maturity, she has read other books of
romantic tendency and of late she had read with great interest a book
she got through Mr. Lebeziatnikov, Lewes' Physiology—do you know
it?—and even recounted extracts from it to us: and that's the whole of
her education. And now may I venture to address you, honoured sir, on my
own account with a private question. Do you suppose that a respectable
poor girl can earn much by honest work? Not fifteen farthings a day can
she earn, if she is respectable and has no special talent and that
without putting her work down for an instant! And what's more, Ivan
Ivanitch Klopstock the civil counsellor—have you heard of him?—has
not to this day paid her for the half-dozen linen shirts she made him
and drove her roughly away, stamping and reviling her, on the pretext
that the shirt collars were not made like the pattern and were put in
askew. And there are the little ones hungry.... And Katerina Ivanovna
walking up and down and wringing her hands, her cheeks flushed red, as
they always are in that disease: 'Here you live with us,' says she, 'you
eat and drink and are kept warm and you do nothing to help.' And much
she gets to eat and drink when there is not a crust for the little ones
for three days! I was lying at the time... well, what of it! I was lying
drunk and I heard my Sonia speaking (she is a gentle creature with a
soft little voice... fair hair and such a pale, thin little face). She
said: 'Katerina Ivanovna, am I really to do a thing like that?' And
Darya Frantsovna, a woman of evil character and very well known to the
police, had two or three times tried to get at her through the landlady.
'And why not?' said Katerina Ivanovna with a jeer, 'you are something
mighty precious to be so careful of!' But don't blame her, don't blame
her, honoured sir, don't blame her! She was not herself when she spoke,
but driven to distraction by her illness and the crying of the hungry
children; and it was said more to wound her than anything else.... For
that's Katerina Ivanovna's character, and when children cry, even from
hunger, she falls to beating them at once. At six o'clock I saw Sonia
get up, put on her kerchief and her cape, and go out of the room and
about nine o'clock she came back. She walked straight up to Katerina
Ivanovna and she laid thirty roubles on the table before her in silence.
She did not utter a word, she did not even look at her, she simply
picked up our big green drap de dames shawl (we have a shawl,
made of drap de dames), put it over her head and face and lay
down on the bed with her face to the wall; only her little shoulders and
her body kept shuddering.... And I went on lying there, just as
before.... And then I saw, young man, I saw Katerina Ivanovna, in the
same silence go up to Sonia's little bed; she was on her knees all the
evening kissing Sonia's feet, and would not get up, and then they both
fell asleep in each other's arms... together, together... yes... and
I... lay drunk."
Marmeladov stopped short, as though his voice had
failed him. Then he hurriedly filled his glass, drank, and cleared his
throat.
"Since then, sir," he went on after a
brief pause—"Since then, owing to an unfortunate occurrence and
through information given by evil-intentioned persons—in all which
Darya Frantsovna took a leading part on the pretext that she had been
treated with want of respect—since then my daughter Sofya Semyonovna
has been forced to take a yellow ticket, and owing to that she is unable
to go on living with us. For our landlady, Amalia Fyodorovna would not
hear of it (though she had backed up Darya Frantsovna before) and Mr.
Lebeziatnikov too... hm.... All the trouble between him and Katerina
Ivanovna was on Sonia's account. At first he was for making up to Sonia
himself and then all of a sudden he stood on his dignity: 'how,' said
he, 'can a highly educated man like me live in the same rooms with a
girl like that?' And Katerina Ivanovna would not let it pass, she stood
up for her... and so that's how it happened. And Sonia comes to us now,
mostly after dark; she comforts Katerina Ivanovna and gives her all she
can.... She has a room at the Kapernaumovs' the tailors, she lodges with
them; Kapernaumov is a lame man with a cleft palate and all of his
numerous family have cleft palates too. And his wife, too, has a cleft
palate. They all live in one room, but Sonia has her own, partitioned
off.... Hm... yes... very poor people and all with cleft palates... yes.
Then I got up in the morning, and put on my rags, lifted up my hands to
heaven and set off to his excellency Ivan Afanasyvitch. His excellency
Ivan Afanasyvitch, do you know him? No? Well, then, it's a man of God
you don't know. He is wax... wax before the face of the Lord; even as
wax melteth!... His eyes were dim when he heard my story. 'Marmeladov,
once already you have deceived my expectations... I'll take you once
more on my own responsibility'—that's what he said, 'remember,' he
said, 'and now you can go.' I kissed the dust at his feet—in thought
only, for in reality he would not have allowed me to do it, being a
statesman and a man of modern political and enlightened ideas. I
returned home, and when I announced that I'd been taken back into the
service and should receive a salary, heavens, what a to-do there
was!..."
Marmeladov stopped again in violent excitement. At
that moment a whole party of revellers already drunk came in from the
street, and the sounds of a hired concertina and the cracked piping
voice of a child of seven singing "The Hamlet" were heard in
the entry. The room was filled with noise. The tavern-keeper and the
boys were busy with the new-comers. Marmeladov paying no attention to
the new arrivals continued his story. He appeared by now to be extremely
weak, but as he became more and more drunk, he became more and more
talkative. The recollection of his recent success in getting the
situation seemed to revive him, and was positively reflected in a sort
of radiance on his face. Raskolnikov listened attentively.
"That was five weeks ago, sir. Yes.... As
soon as Katerina Ivanovna and Sonia heard of it, mercy on us, it was as
though I stepped into the kingdom of Heaven. It used to be: you can lie
like a beast, nothing but abuse. Now they were walking on tiptoe,
hushing the children. 'Semyon Zaharovitch is tired with his work at the
office, he is resting, shh!' They made me coffee before I went to work
and boiled cream for me! They began to get real cream for me, do you
hear that? And how they managed to get together the money for a decent
outfit—eleven roubles, fifty copecks, I can't guess. Boots, cotton
shirt-fronts—most magnificent, a uniform, they got up all in splendid
style, for eleven roubles and a half. The first morning I came back from
the office I found Katerina Ivanovna had cooked two courses for
dinner—soup and salt meat with horse radish—which we had never
dreamed of till then. She had not any dresses... none at all, but she
got herself up as though she were going on a visit; and not that she'd
anything to do it with, she smartened herself up with nothing at all,
she'd done her hair nicely, put on a clean collar of some sort, cuffs,
and there she was, quite a different person, she was younger and better
looking. Sonia, my little darling, had only helped with money 'for the
time,' she said, 'it won't do for me to come and see you too often.
After dark maybe when no one can see.' Do you hear, do you hear? I lay
down for a nap after dinner and what do you think: though Katerina
Ivanovna had quarrelled to the last degree with our landlady Amalia
Fyodorovna only a week before, she could not resist then asking her in
to coffee. For two hours they were sitting, whispering together. 'Semyon
Zaharovitch is in the service again, now, and receiving a salary,' says
she, 'and he went himself to his excellency and his excellency himself
came out to him, made all the others wait and led Semyon Zaharovitch by
the hand before everybody into his study.' Do you hear, do you hear? 'To
be sure,' says he, 'Semyon Zaharovitch, remembering your past services,'
says he, 'and in spite of your propensity to that foolish weakness,
since you promise now and since moreover we've got on badly without
you,' (do you hear, do you hear;) 'and so,' says he, 'I rely now on your
word as a gentleman.' And all that, let me tell you, she has simply made
up for herself, and not simply out of wantonness, for the sake of
bragging; no, she believes it all herself, she amuses herself with her
own fancies, upon my word she does! And I don't blame her for it, no, I
don't blame her!... Six days ago when I brought her my first earnings in
full—twenty-three roubles forty copecks altogether—she called me her
poppet: 'poppet,' said she, 'my little poppet.' And when we were by
ourselves, you understand? You would not think me a beauty, you would
not think much of me as a husband, would you?... Well, she pinched my
cheek, 'my little poppet,' said she."
Marmeladov broke off, tried to smile, but suddenly
his chin began to twitch. He controlled himself however. The tavern, the
degraded appearance of the man, the five nights in the hay barge, and
the pot of spirits, and yet this poignant love for his wife and children
bewildered his listener. Raskolnikov listened intently but with a sick
sensation. He felt vexed that he had come here.
"Honoured sir, honoured sir," cried
Marmeladov recovering himself—"Oh, sir, perhaps all this seems a
laughing matter to you, as it does to others, and perhaps I am only
worrying you with the stupidity of all the trivial details of my home
life, but it is not a laughing matter to me. For I can feel it all....
And the whole of that heavenly day of my life and the whole of that
evening I passed in fleeting dreams of how I would arrange it all, and
how I would dress all the children, and how I should give her rest, and
how I should rescue my own daughter from dishonour and restore her to
the bosom of her family.... And a great deal more.... Quite excusable,
sir. Well, then, sir" (Marmeladov suddenly gave a sort of start,
raised his head and gazed intently at his listener) "well, on the
very next day after all those dreams, that is to say, exactly five days
ago, in the evening, by a cunning trick, like a thief in the night, I
stole from Katerina Ivanovna the key of her box, took out what was left
of my earnings, how much it was I have forgotten, and now look at me,
all of you! It's the fifth day since I left home, and they are looking
for me there and it's the end of my employment, and my uniform is lying
in a tavern on the Egyptian bridge. I exchanged it for the garments I
have on... and it's the end of everything!"
Marmeladov struck his forehead with his fist,
clenched his teeth, closed his eyes and leaned heavily with his elbow on
the table. But a minute later his face suddenly changed and with a
certain assumed slyness and affectation of bravado, he glanced at
Raskolnikov, laughed and said:
"This morning I went to see Sonia, I went to
ask her for a pick-me-up! He-he-he!"
"You don't say she gave it to you?"
cried one of the new-comers; he shouted the words and went off into a
guffaw.
"This very quart was bought with her
money," Marmeladov declared, addressing himself exclusively to
Raskolnikov. "Thirty copecks she gave me with her own hands, her
last, all she had, as I saw.... She said nothing, she only looked at me
without a word.... Not on earth, but up yonder... they grieve over men,
they weep, but they don't blame them, they don't blame them! But it
hurts more, it hurts more when they don't blame! Thirty copecks yes! And
maybe she needs them now, eh? What do you think, my dear sir? For now
she's got to keep up her appearance. It costs money, that smartness,
that special smartness, you know? Do you understand? And there's
pomatum, too, you see, she must have things; petticoats, starched ones,
shoes, too, real jaunty ones to show off her foot when she has to step
over a puddle. Do you understand, sir, do you understand what all that
smartness means? And here I, her own father, here I took thirty copecks
of that money for a drink! And I am drinking it! And I have already
drunk it! Come, who will have pity on a man like me, eh? Are you sorry
for me, sir, or not? Tell me, sir, are you sorry or not? He-he-he!"
He would have filled his glass, but there was no
drink left. The pot was empty.
"What are you to be pitied for?" shouted
the tavern-keeper who was again near them.
Shouts of laughter and even oaths followed. The
laughter and the oaths came from those who were listening and also from
those who had heard nothing but were simply looking at the figure of the
discharged government clerk.
"To be pitied! Why am I to be pitied?"
Marmeladov suddenly declaimed, standing up with his arm outstretched, as
though he had been only waiting for that question.
"Why am I to be pitied, you say? Yes! there's
nothing to pity me for! I ought to be crucified, crucified on a cross,
not pitied! Crucify me, oh judge, crucify me but pity me! And then I
will go of myself to be crucified, for it's not merry-making I seek but
tears and tribulation!... Do you suppose, you that sell, that this pint
of yours has been sweet to me? It was tribulation I sought at the bottom
of it, tears and tribulation, and have found it, and I have tasted it;
but He will pity us Who has had pity on all men, Who has understood all
men and all things, He is the One, He too is the judge. He will come in
that day and He will ask: 'Where is the daughter who gave herself for
her cross, consumptive step-mother and for the little children of
another? Where is the daughter who had pity upon the filthy drunkard,
her earthly father, undismayed by his beastliness?' And He will say,
'Come to me! I have already forgiven thee once.... I have forgiven thee
once.... Thy sins which are many are forgiven thee for thou hast loved
much....' And he will forgive my Sonia, He will forgive, I know it... I
felt it in my heart when I was with her just now! And He will judge and
will forgive all, the good and the evil, the wise and the meek.... And
when He has done with all of them, then He will summon us. 'You too come
forth,' He will say, 'Come forth ye drunkards, come forth, ye weak ones,
come forth, ye children of shame!' And we shall all come forth, without
shame and shall stand before him. And He will say unto us, 'Ye are
swine, made in the Image of the Beast and with his mark; but come ye
also!' And the wise ones and those of understanding will say, 'Oh Lord,
why dost Thou receive these men?' And He will say, 'This is why I
receive them, oh ye wise, this is why I receive them, oh ye of
understanding, that not one of them believed himself to be worthy of
this.' And He will hold out His hands to us and we shall fall down
before him... and we shall weep... and we shall understand all things!
Then we shall understand all!... and all will understand, Katerina
Ivanovna even... she will understand.... Lord, Thy kingdom come!"
And he sank down on the bench exhausted, and helpless, looking at no
one, apparently oblivious of his surroundings and plunged in deep
thought. His words had created a certain impression; there was a moment
of silence; but soon laughter and oaths were heard again.
"That's his notion!"
"Talked himself silly!"
"A fine clerk he is!"
And so on, and so on.
"Let us go, sir," said Marmeladov all at
once, raising his head and addressing Raskolnikov—"come along
with me... Kozel's house, looking into the yard. I'm going to Katerina
Ivanovna—time I did."
Raskolnikov had for some time been wanting to go
and he had meant to help him. Marmeladov was much unsteadier on his legs
than in his speech and leaned heavily on the young man. They had two or
three hundred paces to go. The drunken man was more and more overcome by
dismay and confusion as they drew nearer the house.
"It's not Katerina Ivanovna I am afraid of
now," he muttered in agitation—"and that she will begin
pulling my hair. What does my hair matter! Bother my hair! That's what I
say! Indeed it will be better if she does begin pulling it, that's not
what I am afraid of... it's her eyes I am afraid of... yes, her eyes...
the red on her cheeks, too, frightens me... and her breathing too....
Have you noticed how people in that disease breathe... when they are
excited? I am frightened of the children's crying, too.... For if Sonia
has not taken them food... I don't know what's happened! I don't know!
But blows I am not afraid of.... Know, sir, that such blows are not a
pain to me, but even an enjoyment. In fact I can't get on without it....
It's better so. Let her strike me, it relieves her heart... it's better
so... There is the house. The house of Kozel, the cabinet-maker... a
German, well-to-do. Lead the way!"
They went in from the yard and up to the fourth
storey. The staircase got darker and darker as they went up. It was
nearly eleven o'clock and although in summer in Petersburg there is no
real night, yet it was quite dark at the top of the stairs.
A grimy little door at the very top of the stairs
stood ajar. A very poor-looking room about ten paces long was lighted up
by a candle-end; the whole of it was visible from the entrance. It was
all in disorder, littered up with rags of all sorts, especially
children's garments. Across the furthest corner was stretched a ragged
sheet. Behind it probably was the bed. There was nothing in the room
except two chairs and a sofa covered with American leather, full of
holes, before which stood an old deal kitchen-table, unpainted and
uncovered. At the edge of the table stood a smoldering tallow-candle in
an iron candlestick. It appeared that the family had a room to
themselves, not part of a room, but their room was practically a
passage. The door leading to the other rooms, or rather cupboards, into
which Amalia Lippevechsel's flat was divided stood half open, and there
was shouting, uproar and laughter within. People seemed to be playing
cards and drinking tea there. Words of the most unceremonious kind flew
out from time to time.
Raskolnikov recognised Katerina Ivanovna at once.
She was a rather tall, slim and graceful woman, terribly emaciated, with
magnificent dark brown hair and with a hectic flush in her cheeks. She
was pacing up and down in her little room, pressing her hands against
her chest; her lips were parched and her breathing came in nervous
broken gasps. Her eyes glittered as in fever and looked about with a
harsh immovable stare. And that consumptive and excited face with the
last flickering light of the candle-end playing upon it made a sickening
impression. She seemed to Raskolnikov about thirty years old and was
certainly a strange wife for Marmeladov.... She had not heard them and
did not notice them coming in. She seemed to be lost in thought, hearing
and seeing nothing. The room was close, but she had not opened the
window; a stench rose from the staircase, but the door on to the stairs
was not closed. From the inner rooms clouds of tobacco smoke floated in,
she kept coughing, but did not close the door. The youngest child, a
girl of six, was asleep, sitting curled up on the floor with her head on
the sofa. A boy a year older stood crying and shaking in the corner,
probably he had just had a beating. Beside him stood a girl of nine
years old, tall and thin, wearing a thin and ragged chemise with an
ancient cashmere pelisse flung over her bare shoulders, long outgrown
and barely reaching her knees. Her arm, as thin as a stick, was round
her brother's neck. She was trying to comfort him, whispering something
to him, and doing all she could to keep him from whimpering again. At
the same time her large dark eyes, which looked larger still from the
thinness of her frightened face, were watching her mother with alarm.
Marmeladov did not enter the door, but dropped on his knees in the very
doorway, pushing Raskolnikov in front of him. The woman seeing a
stranger stopped indifferently facing him, coming to herself for a
moment and apparently wondering what he had come for. But evidently she
decided that he was going into the next room, as he had to pass through
hers to get there. Taking no further notice of him, she walked towards
the outer door to close it and uttered a sudden scream on seeing her
husband on his knees in the doorway.
"Ah!" she cried out in a frenzy,
"he has come back! The criminal! the monster!... And where is the
money? What's in your pocket, show me! And your clothes are all
different! Where are your clothes? Where is the money! Speak!"
And she fell to searching him. Marmeladov
submissively and obediently held up both arms to facilitate the search.
Not a farthing was there.
"Where is the money?" she
cried—"Mercy on us, can he have drunk it all? There were twelve
silver roubles left in the chest!" and in a fury she seized him by
the hair and dragged him into the room. Marmeladov seconded her efforts
by meekly crawling along on his knees.
"And this is a consolation to me! This does
not hurt me, but is a positive con-so-la-tion, ho-nou-red sir," he
called out, shaken to and fro by his hair and even once striking the
ground with his forehead. The child asleep on the floor woke up, and
began to cry. The boy in the corner losing all control began trembling
and screaming and rushed to his sister in violent terror, almost in a
fit. The eldest girl was shaking like a leaf.
"He's drunk it! he's drunk it all," the
poor woman screamed in despair—"and his clothes are gone! And
they are hungry, hungry!"—and wringing her hands she pointed to
the children. "Oh, accursed life! And you, are you not
ashamed?"—she pounced all at once upon Raskolnikov—"from
the tavern! Have you been drinking with him? You have been drinking with
him, too! Go away!"
The young man was hastening away without uttering
a word. The inner door was thrown wide open and inquisitive faces were
peering in at it. Coarse laughing faces with pipes and cigarettes and
heads wearing caps thrust themselves in at the doorway. Further in could
be seen figures in dressing gowns flung open, in costumes of unseemly
scantiness, some of them with cards in their hands. They were
particularly diverted, when Marmeladov, dragged about by his hair,
shouted that it was a consolation to him. They even began to come into
the room; at last a sinister shrill outcry was heard: this came from
Amalia Lippevechsel herself pushing her way amongst them and trying to
restore order after her own fashion and for the hundredth time to
frighten the poor woman by ordering her with coarse abuse to clear out
of the room next day. As he went out, Raskolnikov had time to put his
hand into his pocket, to snatch up the coppers he had received in
exchange for his rouble in the tavern and to lay them unnoticed on the
window. Afterwards on the stairs, he changed his mind and would have
gone back.
"What a stupid thing I've done," he
thought to himself, "they have Sonia and I want it myself."
But reflecting that it would be impossible to take it back now and that
in any case he would not have taken it, he dismissed it with a wave of
his hand and went back to his lodging. "Sonia wants pomatum
too," he said as he walked along the street, and he laughed
malignantly—"such smartness costs money.... Hm! And maybe Sonia
herself will be bankrupt to-day, for there is always a risk, hunting big
game... digging for gold... then they would all be without a crust
to-morrow except for my money. Hurrah for Sonia! What a mine they've dug
there! And they're making the most of it! Yes, they are making the most
of it! They've wept over it and grown used to it. Man grows used to
everything, the scoundrel!"
He sank into thought.
"And what if I am wrong," he cried
suddenly after a moment's thought. "What if man is not really a
scoundrel, man in general, I mean, the whole race of mankind—then all
the rest is prejudice, simply artificial terrors and there are no
barriers and it's all as it should be."
CHAPTER III
He waked up late next day after a broken sleep.
But his sleep had not refreshed him; he waked up bilious, irritable,
ill-tempered, and looked with hatred at his room. It was a tiny cupboard
of a room about six paces in length. It had a poverty-stricken
appearance with its dusty yellow paper peeling off the walls, and it was
so low-pitched that a man of more than average height was ill at ease in
it and felt every moment that he would knock his head against the
ceiling. The furniture was in keeping with the room: there were three
old chairs, rather rickety; a painted table in the corner on which lay a
few manuscripts and books; the dust that lay thick upon them showed that
they had been long untouched. A big clumsy sofa occupied almost the
whole of one wall and half the floor space of the room; it was once
covered with chintz, but was now in rags and served Raskolnikov as a
bed. Often he went to sleep on it, as he was, without undressing,
without sheets, wrapped in his old student's overcoat, with his head on
one little pillow, under which he heaped up all the linen he had, clean
and dirty, by way of a bolster. A little table stood in front of the
sofa.
It would have been difficult to sink to a lower
ebb of disorder, but to Raskolnikov in his present state of mind this
was positively agreeable. He had got completely away from everyone, like
a tortoise in its shell, and even the sight of a servant girl who had to
wait upon him and looked sometimes into his room made him writhe with
nervous irritation. He was in the condition that overtakes some
monomaniacs entirely concentrated upon one thing. His landlady had for
the last fortnight given up sending him in meals, and he had not yet
thought of expostulating with her, though he went without his dinner.
Nastasya, the cook and only servant, was rather pleased at the lodger's
mood and had entirely given up sweeping and doing his room, only once a
week or so she would stray into his room with a broom. She waked him up
that day.
"Get up, why are you asleep?" she called
to him. "It's past nine, I have brought you some tea; will you have
a cup? I should think you're fairly starving?"
Raskolnikov opened his eyes, started and
recognised Nastasya.
"From the landlady, eh?" he asked,
slowly and with a sickly face sitting up on the sofa.
"From the landlady, indeed!"
She set before him her own cracked teapot full of
weak and stale tea and laid two yellow lumps of sugar by the side of it.
"Here, Nastasya, take it please," he
said, fumbling in his pocket (for he had slept in his clothes) and
taking out a handful of coppers—"run and buy me a loaf. And get
me a little sausage, the cheapest, at the pork-butcher's."
"The loaf I'll fetch you this very minute,
but wouldn't you rather have some cabbage soup instead of sausage? It's
capital soup, yesterday's. I saved it for you yesterday, but you came in
late. It's fine soup."
When the soup had been brought, and he had begun
upon it, Nastasya sat down beside him on the sofa and began chatting.
She was a country peasant-woman and a very talkative one.
"Praskovya Pavlovna means to complain to the
police about you," she said.
He scowled.
"To the police? What does she want?"
"You don't pay her money and you won't turn
out of the room. That's what she wants, to be sure."
"The devil, that's the last straw," he
muttered, grinding his teeth, "no, that would not suit me... just
now. She is a fool," he added aloud. "I'll go and talk to her
to-day."
"Fool she is and no mistake, just as I am.
But why, if you are so clever, do you lie here like a sack and have
nothing to show for it? One time you used to go out, you say, to teach
children. But why is it you do nothing now?"
"I am doing..." Raskolnikov began
sullenly and reluctantly.
"What are you doing?"
"Work..."
"What sort of work?"
"I am thinking," he answered seriously
after a pause.
Nastasya was overcome with a fit of laughter. She
was given to laughter and when anything amused her, she laughed
inaudibly, quivering and shaking all over till she felt ill.
"And have you made much money by your
thinking?" she managed to articulate at last.
"One can't go out to give lessons without
boots. And I'm sick of it."
"Don't quarrel with your bread and
butter."
"They pay so little for lessons. What's the
use of a few coppers?" he answered, reluctantly, as though replying
to his own thought.
"And you want to get a fortune all at
once?"
He looked at her strangely.
"Yes, I want a fortune," he answered
firmly, after a brief pause.
"Don't be in such a hurry, you quite frighten
me! Shall I get you the loaf or not?"
"As you please."
"Ah, I forgot! A letter came for you
yesterday when you were out."
"A letter? for me! from whom?"
"I can't say. I gave three copecks of my own
to the postman for it. Will you pay me back?"
"Then bring it to me, for God's sake, bring
it," cried Raskolnikov greatly excited—"good God!"
A minute later the letter was brought him. That
was it: from his mother, from the province of R——. He turned pale
when he took it. It was a long while since he had received a letter, but
another feeling also suddenly stabbed his heart.
"Nastasya, leave me alone, for goodness'
sake; here are your three copecks, but for goodness' sake, make haste
and go!"
The letter was quivering in his hand; he did not
want to open it in her presence; he wanted to be left alone with
this letter. When Nastasya had gone out, he lifted it quickly to his
lips and kissed it; then he gazed intently at the address, the small,
sloping handwriting, so dear and familiar, of the mother who had once
taught him to read and write. He delayed; he seemed almost afraid of
something. At last he opened it; it was a thick heavy letter, weighing
over two ounces, two large sheets of note paper were covered with very
small handwriting.
"My dear Rodya," wrote his
mother—"it's two months since I last had a talk with you by
letter which has distressed me and even kept me awake at night,
thinking. But I am sure you will not blame me for my inevitable silence.
You know how I love you; you are all we have to look to, Dounia and I,
you are our all, our one hope, our one stay. What a grief it was to me
when I heard that you had given up the university some months ago, for
want of means to keep yourself and that you had lost your lessons and
your other work! How could I help you out of my hundred and twenty
roubles a year pension? The fifteen roubles I sent you four months ago I
borrowed, as you know, on security of my pension, from Vassily
Ivanovitch Vahrushin a merchant of this town. He is a kind-hearted man
and was a friend of your father's too. But having given him the right to
receive the pension, I had to wait till the debt was paid off and that
is only just done, so that I've been unable to send you anything all
this time. But now, thank God, I believe I shall be able to send you
something more and in fact we may congratulate ourselves on our good
fortune now, of which I hasten to inform you. In the first place, would
you have guessed, dear Rodya, that your sister has been living with me
for the last six weeks and we shall not be separated in the future.
Thank God, her sufferings are over, but I will tell you everything in
order, so that you may know just how everything has happened and all
that we have hitherto concealed from you. When you wrote to me two
months ago that you had heard that Dounia had a great deal to put up
with in the Svidrigraïlovs' house, when you wrote that and asked me to
tell you all about it—what could I write in answer to you? If I had
written the whole truth to you, I dare say you would have thrown up
everything and have come to us, even if you had to walk all the way, for
I know your character and your feelings, and you would not let your
sister be insulted. I was in despair myself, but what could I do? And,
besides, I did not know the whole truth myself then. What made it all so
difficult was that Dounia received a hundred roubles in advance when she
took the place as governess in their family, on condition of part of her
salary being deducted every month, and so it was impossible to throw up
the situation without repaying the debt. This sum (now I can explain it
all to you, my precious Rodya) she took chiefly in order to send you
sixty roubles, which you needed so terribly then and which you received
from us last year. We deceived you then, writing that this money came
from Dounia's savings, but that was not so, and now I tell you all about
it, because, thank God, things have suddenly changed for the better, and
that you may know how Dounia loves you and what a heart she has. At
first indeed Mr. Svidrigaïlov treated her very rudely and used to make
disrespectful and jeering remarks at table.... But I don't want to go
into all those painful details, so as not to worry you for nothing when
it is now all over. In short, in spite of the kind and generous
behaviour of Marfa Petrovna, Mr. Svidrigaïlov's wife, and all the rest
of the household, Dounia had a very hard time, especially when Mr.
Svidrigaïlov, relapsing into his old regimental habits, was under the
influence of Bacchus. And how do you think it was all explained later
on? Would you believe that the crazy fellow had conceived a passion for
Dounia from the beginning, but had concealed it under a show of rudeness
and contempt. Possibly he was ashamed and horrified himself at his own
flighty hopes, considering his years and his being the father of a
family; and that made him angry with Dounia. And possibly, too, he hoped
by his rude and sneering behaviour to hide the truth from others. But at
last he lost all control and had the face to make Dounia an open and
shameful proposal, promising her all sorts of inducements and offering,
besides, to throw up everything and take her to another estate of his,
or even abroad. You can imagine all she went through! To leave her
situation at once was impossible not only on account of the money debt,
but also to spare the feelings of Marfa Petrovna, whose suspicions would
have been aroused: and then Dounia would have been the cause of a
rupture in the family. And it would have meant a terrible scandal for
Dounia too; that would have been inevitable. There were various other
reasons owing to which Dounia could not hope to escape from that awful
house for another six weeks. You know Dounia, of course; you know how
clever she is and what a strong will she has. Dounia can endure a great
deal and even in the most difficult cases she has the fortitude to
maintain her firmness. She did not even write to me about everything for
fear of upsetting me, although we were constantly in communication. It
all ended very unexpectedly. Marfa Petrovna accidentally overheard her
husband imploring Dounia in the garden, and, putting quite a wrong
interpretation on the position, threw the blame upon her, believing her
to be the cause of it all. An awful scene took place between them on the
spot in the garden; Marfa Petrovna went so far as to strike Dounia,
refused to hear anything and was shouting at her for a whole hour and
then gave orders that Dounia should be packed off at once to me in a
plain peasant's cart, into which they flung all her things, her linen
and her clothes, all pell-mell, without folding it up and packing it.
And a heavy shower of rain came on, too, and Dounia, insulted and put to
shame, had to drive with a peasant in an open cart all the seventeen
versts into town. Only think now what answer could I have sent to the
letter I received from you two months ago and what could I have written?
I was in despair; I dared not write to you the truth because you would
have been very unhappy, mortified and indignant, and yet what could you
do? You could only perhaps ruin yourself, and, besides, Dounia would not
allow it; and fill up my letter with trifles when my heart was so full
of sorrow, I could not. For a whole month the town was full of gossip
about this scandal, and it came to such a pass that Dounia and I dared
not even go to church on account of the contemptuous looks, whispers,
and even remarks made aloud about us. All our acquaintances avoided us,
nobody even bowed to us in the street, and I learnt that some shopmen
and clerks were intending to insult us in a shameful way, smearing the
gates of our house with pitch, so that the landlord began to tell us we
must leave. All this was set going by Marfa Petrovna who managed to
slander Dounia and throw dirt at her in every family. She knows everyone
in the neighbourhood, and that month she was continually coming into the
town, and as she is rather talkative and fond of gossiping about her
family affairs and particularly of complaining to all and each of her
husband—which is not at all right—so in a short time she had spread
her story not only in the town, but over the whole surrounding district.
It made me ill, but Dounia bore it better than I did, and if only you
could have seen how she endured it all and tried to comfort me and cheer
me up! She is an angel! But by God's mercy, our sufferings were cut
short: Mr. Svidrigaïlov returned to his senses and repented and,
probably feeling sorry for Dounia, he laid before Marfa Petrovna a
complete and unmistakable proof of Dounia's innocence, in the form of a
letter Dounia had been forced to write and give to him, before Marfa
Petrovna came upon them in the garden. This letter, which remained in
Mr. Svidrigaïlov's hands after her departure, she had written to refuse
personal explanations and secret interviews, for which he was entreating
her. In that letter she reproached him with great heat and indignation
for the baseness of his behaviour in regard to Marfa Petrovna, reminding
him that he was the father and head of a family and telling him how
infamous it was of him to torment and make unhappy a defenceless girl,
unhappy enough already. Indeed, dear Rodya, the letter was so nobly and
touchingly written that I sobbed when I read it and to this day I cannot
read it without tears. Moreover, the evidence of the servants, too,
cleared Dounia's reputation; they had seen and known a great deal more
than Mr. Svidrigaïlov had himself supposed—as indeed is always the
case with servants. Marfa Petrovna was completely taken aback, and
'again crushed' as she said herself to us, but she was completely
convinced of Dounia's innocence. The very next day, being Sunday, she
went straight to the Cathedral, knelt down and prayed with tears to Our
Lady to give her strength to bear this new trial and to do her duty.
Then she came straight from the Cathedral to us, told us the whole
story, wept bitterly and, fully penitent, she embraced Dounia and
besought her to forgive her. The same morning without any delay, she
went round to all the houses in the town and everywhere, shedding tears,
she asserted in the most flattering terms Dounia's innocence and the
nobility of her feelings and her behavior. What was more, she showed and
read to everyone the letter in Dounia's own handwriting to Mr. Svidrigaïlov
and even allowed them to take copies of it—which I must say I think
was superfluous. In this way she was busy for several days in driving
about the whole town, because some people had taken offence through
precedence having been given to others. And therefore they had to take
turns, so that in every house she was expected before she arrived, and
everyone knew that on such and such a day Marfa Petrovna would be
reading the letter in such and such a place and people assembled for
every reading of it, even many who had heard it several times already
both in their own houses and in other people's. In my opinion a great
deal, a very great deal of all this was unnecessary; but that's Marfa
Petrovna's character. Anyway she succeeded in completely re-establishing
Dounia's reputation and the whole ignominy of this affair rested as an
indelible disgrace upon her husband, as the only person to blame, so
that I really began to feel sorry for him; it was really treating the
crazy fellow too harshly. Dounia was at once asked to give lessons in
several families, but she refused. All of a sudden everyone began to
treat her with marked respect and all this did much to bring about the
event by which, one may say, our whole fortunes are now transformed. You
must know, dear Rodya, that Dounia has a suitor and that she has already
consented to marry him. I hasten to tell you all about the matter, and
though it has been arranged without asking your consent, I think you
will not be aggrieved with me or with your sister on that account, for
you will see that we could not wait and put off our decision till we
heard from you. And you could not have judged all the facts without
being on the spot. This was how it happened. He is already of the rank
of a counsellor, Pyotr Petrovitch Luzhin, and is distantly related to
Marfa Petrovna, who has been very active in bringing the match about. It
began with his expressing through her his desire to make our
acquaintance. He was properly received, drank coffee with us and the
very next day he sent us a letter in which he very courteously made an
offer and begged for a speedy and decided answer. He is a very busy man
and is in a great hurry to get to Petersburg, so that every moment is
precious to him. At first, of course, we were greatly surprised, as it
had all happened so quickly and unexpectedly. We thought and talked it
over the whole day. He is a well-to-do man, to be depended upon, he has
two posts in the government and has already made his fortune. It is true
that he is forty-five years old, but he is of a fairly prepossessing
appearance and might still be thought attractive by women, and he is
altogether a very respectable and presentable man, only he seems a
little morose and somewhat conceited. But possibly that may only be the
impression he makes at first sight. And beware, dear Rodya, when he
comes to Petersburg, as he shortly will do, beware of judging him too
hastily and severely, as your way is, if there is anything you do not
like in him at first sight. I give you this warning, although I feel
sure that he will make a favourable impression upon you. Moreover, in
order to understand any man one must be deliberate and careful to avoid
forming prejudices and mistaken ideas, which are very difficult to
correct and get over afterwards. And Pyotr Petrovitch, judging by many
indications, is a thoroughly estimable man. At his first visit, indeed,
he told us that he was a practical man, but still he shares, as he
expressed it, many of the convictions 'of our most rising generation'
and he is an opponent of all prejudices. He said a good deal more, for
he seems a little conceited and likes to be listened to, but this is
scarcely a vice. I, of course, understood very little of it, but Dounia
explained to me that, though he is not a man of great education, he is
clever and seems to be good-natured. You know your sister's character,
Rodya. She is a resolute, sensible, patient and generous girl, but she
has a passionate heart, as I know very well. Of course, there is no
great love either on his side, or on hers, but Dounia is a clever girl
and has the heart of an angel, and will make it her duty to make her
husband happy who on his side will make her happiness his care. Of that
we have no good reason to doubt, though it must be admitted the matter
has been arranged in great haste. Besides he is a man of great prudence
and he will see, to be sure, of himself, that his own happiness will be
the more secure, the happier Dounia is with him. And as for some defects
of character, for some habits and even certain differences of
opinion—which indeed are inevitable even in the happiest marriages—Dounia
has said that, as regards all that, she relies on herself, that there is
nothing to be uneasy about, and that she is ready to put up with a great
deal, if only their future relationship can be an honourable and
straightforward one. He struck me, for instance, at first, as rather
abrupt, but that may well come from his being an outspoken man, and that
is no doubt how it is. For instance, at his second visit, after he had
received Dounia's consent, in the course of conversation, he declared
that before making Dounia's acquaintance, he had made up his mind to
marry a girl of good reputation, without dowry and, above all, one who
had experienced poverty, because, as he explained, a man ought not to be
indebted to his wife, but that it is better for a wife to look upon her
husband as her benefactor. I must add that he expressed it more nicely
and politely than I have done, for I have forgotten his actual phrases
and only remember the meaning. And, besides, it was obviously not said
of design, but slipped out in the heat of conversation, so that he tried
afterwards to correct himself and smooth it over, but all the same it
did strike me as somewhat rude, and I said so afterwards to Dounia. But
Dounia was vexed, and answered that 'words are not deeds,' and that, of
course, is perfectly true. Dounia did not sleep all night before she
made up her mind, and, thinking that I was asleep, she got out of bed
and was walking up and down the room all night; at last she knelt down
before the ikon and prayed long and fervently and in the morning she
told me that she had decided.
"I have mentioned already that Pyotr
Petrovitch is just setting off for Petersburg, where he has a great deal
of business, and he wants to open a legal bureau. He has been occupied
for many years in conducting civil and commercial litigation, and only
the other day he won an important case. He has to be in Petersburg
because he has an important case before the Senate. So, Rodya dear, he
may be of the greatest use to you, in every way indeed, and Dounia and I
have agreed that from this very day you could definitely enter upon your
career and might consider that your future is marked out and assured for
you. Oh, if only this comes to pass! This would be such a benefit that
we could only look upon it as a providential blessing. Dounia is
dreaming of nothing else. We have even ventured already to drop a few
words on the subject to Pyotr Petrovitch. He was cautious in his answer,
and said that, of course, as he could not get on without a secretary, it
would be better to be paying a salary to a relation than to a stranger,
if only the former were fitted for the duties (as though there could be
doubt of your being fitted!) but then he expressed doubts whether your
studies at the university would leave you time for work at his office.
The matter dropped for the time, but Dounia is thinking of nothing else
now. She has been in a sort of fever for the last few days, and has
already made a regular plan for your becoming in the end an associate
and even a partner in Pyotr Petrovitch's business, which might well be,
seeing that you are a student of law. I am in complete agreement with
her, Rodya, and share all her plans and hopes, and think there is every
probability of realising them. And in spite of Pyotr Petrovitch's
evasiveness, very natural at present (since he does not know you),
Dounia is firmly persuaded that she will gain everything by her good
influence over her future husband; this she is reckoning upon. Of course
we are careful not to talk of any of these more remote plans to Pyotr
Petrovitch, especially of your becoming his partner. He is a practical
man and might take this very coldly, it might all seem to him simply a
day-dream. Nor has either Dounia or I breathed a word to him of the
great hopes we have of his helping us to pay for your university
studies; we have not spoken of it in the first place, because it will
come to pass of itself, later on, and he will no doubt without wasting
words offer to do it of himself, (as though he could refuse Dounia that)
the more readily since you may by your own efforts become his right hand
in the office, and receive this assistance not as a charity, but as a
salary earned by your own work. Dounia wants to arrange it all like this
and I quite agree with her. And we have not spoken of our plans for
another reason, that is, because I particularly wanted you to feel on an
equal footing when you first meet him. When Dounia spoke to him with
enthusiasm about you, he answered that one could never judge of a man
without seeing him close, for oneself, and that he looked forward to
forming his own opinion when he makes your acquaintance. Do you know, my
precious Rodya, I think that perhaps for some reasons (nothing to do
with Pyotr Petrovitch though, simply for my own personal, perhaps
old-womanish, fancies) I should do better to go on living by myself,
apart, than with them, after the wedding. I am convinced that he will be
generous and delicate enough to invite me and to urge me to remain with
my daughter for the future, and if he has said nothing about it
hitherto, it is simply because it has been taken for granted; but I
shall refuse. I have noticed more than once in my life that husbands
don't quite get on with their mothers-in-law, and I don't want to be the
least bit in anyone's way, and for my own sake, too, would rather be
quite independent, so long as I have a crust of bread of my own, and
such children as you and Dounia. If possible, I would settle somewhere
near you, for the most joyful piece of news, dear Rodya, I have kept for
the end of my letter: know then, my dear boy, that we may, perhaps, be
all together in a very short time and may embrace one another again
after a separation of almost three years! It is settled for certain
that Dounia and I are to set off for Petersburg, exactly when I don't
know, but very, very soon, possibly in a week. It all depends on Pyotr
Petrovitch who will let us know when he has had time to look round him
in Petersburg. To suit his own arrangements he is anxious to have the
ceremony as soon as possible, even before the fast of Our Lady, if it
could be managed, or if that is too soon to be ready, immediately after.
Oh, with what happiness I shall press you to my heart! Dounia is all
excitement at the joyful thought of seeing you, she said one day in joke
that she would be ready to marry Pyotr Petrovitch for that alone. She is
an angel! She is not writing anything to you now, and has only told me
to write that she has so much, so much to tell you that she is not going
to take up her pen now, for a few lines would tell you nothing, and it
would only mean upsetting herself; she bids me send you her love and
innumerable kisses. But although we shall be meeting so soon, perhaps I
shall send you as much money as I can in a day or two. Now that everyone
has heard that Dounia is to marry Pyotr Petrovitch, my credit has
suddenly improved and I know that Afanasy Ivanovitch will trust me now
even to seventy-five roubles on the security of my pension, so that
perhaps I shall be able to send you twenty-five or even thirty roubles.
I would send you more, but I am uneasy about our travelling expenses;
for though Pyotr Petrovitch has been so kind as to undertake part of the
expenses of the journey, that is to say, he has taken upon himself the
conveyance of our bags and big trunk (which will be conveyed through
some acquaintances of his), we must reckon upon some expense on our
arrival in Petersburg, where we can't be left without a halfpenny, at
least for the first few days. But we have calculated it all, Dounia and
I, to the last penny, and we see that the journey will not cost very
much. It is only ninety versts from us to the railway and we have come
to an agreement with a driver we know, so as to be in readiness; and
from there Dounia and I can travel quite comfortably third class. So
that I may very likely be able to send to you not twenty-five, but
thirty roubles. But enough; I have covered two sheets already and there
is no space left for more; our whole history, but so many events have
happened! And now, my precious Rodya, I embrace you and send you a
mother's blessing till we meet. Love Dounia your sister, Rodya; love her
as she loves you and understand that she loves you beyond everything,
more than herself. She is an angel and you, Rodya, you are everything to
us—our one hope, our one consolation. If only you are happy, we shall
be happy. Do you still say your prayers, Rodya, and believe in the mercy
of our Creator and our Redeemer? I am afraid in my heart that you may
have been visited by the new spirit of infidelity that is abroad to-day;
If it is so, I pray for you. Remember, dear boy, how in your childhood,
when your father was living, you used to lisp your prayers at my knee,
and how happy we all were in those days. Good-bye, till we meet then—I
embrace you warmly, warmly, with many kisses.
"Yours till death,
"PULCHERIA RASKOLNIKOV."
Almost from the first, while he read the letter,
Raskolnikov's face was wet with tears; but when he finished it, his face
was pale and distorted and a bitter, wrathful and malignant smile was on
his lips. He laid his head down on his threadbare dirty pillow and
pondered, pondered a long time. His heart was beating violently, and his
brain was in a turmoil. At last he felt cramped and stifled in the
little yellow room that was like a cupboard or a box. His eyes and his
mind craved for space. He took up his hat and went out, this time
without dread of meeting anyone; he had forgotten his dread. He turned
in the direction of the Vassilyevsky Ostrov, walking along Vassilyevsky
Prospect, as though hastening on some business, but he walked, as his
habit was, without noticing his way, muttering and even speaking aloud
to himself, to the astonishment of the passers-by. Many of them took him
to be drunk.
CHAPTER IV
His mother's letter had been a torture to him, but
as regards the chief fact in it, he had felt not one moment's
hesitation, even whilst he was reading the letter. The essential
question was settled, and irrevocably settled, in his mind: "Never
such a marriage while I am alive and Mr. Luzhin be damned!"
"The thing is perfectly clear," he muttered to himself, with a
malignant smile anticipating the triumph of his decision. "No,
mother, no, Dounia, you won't deceive me! and then they apologise for
not asking my advice and for taking the decision without me! I dare say!
They imagine it is arranged now and can't be broken off; but we will see
whether it can or not! A magnificent excuse: 'Pyotr Petrovitch is such a
busy man that even his wedding has to be in post-haste, almost by
express.' No, Dounia, I see it all and I know what you want to say to
me; and I know too what you were thinking about, when you walked up and
down all night, and what your prayers were like before the Holy Mother
of Kazan who stands in mother's bedroom. Bitter is the ascent to
Golgotha.... Hm... so it is finally settled; you have determined to
marry a sensible business man, Avdotya Romanovna, one who has a fortune
(has already made his fortune, that is so much more solid and
impressive) a man who holds two government posts and who shares the
ideas of our most rising generation, as mother writes, and who seems
to be kind, as Dounia herself observes. That seems beats
everything! And that very Dounia for that very 'seems' is
marrying him! Splendid! splendid!
"... But I should like to know why mother has
written to me about 'our most rising generation'? Simply as a
descriptive touch, or with the idea of prepossessing me in favour of Mr.
Luzhin? Oh, the cunning of them! I should like to know one thing more:
how far they were open with one another that day and night and all this
time since? Was it all put into words, or did both understand
that they had the same thing at heart and in their minds, so that there
was no need to speak of it aloud, and better not to speak of it. Most
likely it was partly like that, from mother's letter it's evident: he
struck her as rude a little, and mother in her simplicity took
her observations to Dounia. And she was sure to be vexed and 'answered
her angrily.' I should think so! Who would not be angered when it was
quite clear without any naïve questions and when it was understood that
it was useless to discuss it. And why does she write to me, 'love Dounia,
Rodya, and she loves you more than herself'? Has she a secret
conscience-prick at sacrificing her daughter to her son? 'You are our
one comfort, you are everything to us.' Oh, mother!"
His bitterness grew more and more intense, and if
he had happened to meet Mr. Luzhin at the moment, he might have murdered
him.
"Hm... yes, that's true," he continued,
pursuing the whirling ideas that chased each other in his brain,
"it is true that 'it needs time and care to get to know a man,' but
there is no mistake about Mr. Luzhin. The chief thing is he is 'a man of
business and seems kind,' that was something, wasn't it, to send
the bags and big box for them! A kind man, no doubt after that! But his bride
and her mother are to drive in a peasant's cart covered with sacking (I
know, I have been driven in it). No matter! It is only ninety versts and
then they can 'travel very comfortably, third class,' for a thousand
versts! Quite right, too. One must cut one's coat according to one's
cloth, but what about you, Mr. Luzhin? She is your bride.... And you
must be aware that her mother has to raise money on her pension for the
journey. To be sure it's a matter of business, a partnership for mutual
benefit, with equal shares and expenses;—food and drink provided, but
pay for your tobacco. The business man has got the better of them, too.
The luggage will cost less than their fares and very likely go for
nothing. How is it that they don't both see all that, or is it that they
don't want to see? And they are pleased, pleased! And to think that this
is only the first blossoming, and that the real fruits are to come! But
what really matters is not the stinginess, is not the meanness, but the tone
of the whole thing. For that will be the tone after marriage, it's a
foretaste of it. And mother too, why should she be so lavish? What will
she have by the time she gets to Petersburg? Three silver roubles or two
'paper ones' as she says.... that old woman... hm. What does she
expect to live upon in Petersburg afterwards? She has her reasons
already for guessing that she could not live with Dounia after
the marriage, even for the first few months. The good man has no doubt
let slip something on that subject also, though mother would deny it: 'I
shall refuse,' says she. On whom is she reckoning then? Is she counting
on what is left of her hundred and twenty roubles of pension when
Afanasy Ivanovitch's debt is paid? She knits woollen shawls and
embroiders cuffs, ruining her old eyes. And all her shawls don't add
more than twenty roubles a year to her hundred and twenty, I know that.
So she is building all her hopes all the time on Mr. Luzhin's
generosity; 'he will offer it of himself, he will press it on me.' You
may wait a long time for that! That's how it always is with these
Schilleresque noble hearts; till the last moment every goose is a swan
with them, till the last moment, they hope for the best and will see
nothing wrong, and although they have an inkling of the other side of
the picture, yet they won't face the truth till they are forced to; the
very thought of it makes them shiver; they thrust the truth away with
both hands, until the man they deck out in false colours puts a fool's
cap on them with his own hands. I should like to know whether Mr. Luzhin
has any orders of merit; I bet he has the Anna in his buttonhole and
that he puts it on when he goes to dine with contractors or merchants.
He will be sure to have it for his wedding, too! Enough of him, confound
him!
"Well,... mother I don't wonder at, it's like
her, God bless her, but how could Dounia? Dounia darling, as though I
did not know you! You were nearly twenty when I saw you last: I
understood you then. Mother writes that 'Dounia can put up with a great
deal.' I know that very well. I knew that two years and a half ago, and
for the last two and a half years I have been thinking about it,
thinking of just that, that 'Dounia can put up with a great deal.' If
she could put up with Mr. Svidrigaïlov and all the rest of it, she
certainly can put up with a great deal. And now mother and she have
taken it into their heads that she can put up with Mr. Luzhin, who
propounds the theory of the superiority of wives raised from destitution
and owing everything to their husband's bounty—who propounds it, too,
almost at the first interview. Granted that he 'let it slip,' though he
is a sensible man, (yet maybe it was not a slip at all, but he meant to
make himself clear as soon as possible) but Dounia, Dounia? She
understands the man, of course, but she will have to live with the man.
Why! she'd live on black bread and water, she would not sell her soul,
she would not barter her moral freedom for comfort; she would not barter
it for all Schleswig-Holstein, much less Mr. Luzhin's money. No, Dounia
was not that sort when I knew her and... she is still the same, of
course! Yes, there's no denying, the Svidrigaïlovs are a bitter pill!
It's a bitter thing to spend one's life a governess in the provinces for
two hundred roubles, but I know she would rather be a nigger on a
plantation or a Lett with a German master than degrade her soul, and her
moral dignity, by binding herself for ever to a man whom she does not
respect and with whom she has nothing in common—for her own advantage.
And if Mr. Luzhin had been of unalloyed gold, or one huge diamond, she
would never have consented to become his legal concubine. Why is she
consenting then? What's the point of it? What's the answer? It's clear
enough: for herself, for her comfort, to save her life she would not
sell herself, but for someone else she is doing it! For one she loves,
for one she adores, she will sell herself! That's what it all amounts
to; for her brother, for her mother, she will sell herself! She will
sell everything! In such cases, 'we overcome our moral feeling if
necessary,' freedom, peace, conscience even, all, all are brought into
the market. Let my life go, if only my dear ones may be happy! More than
that, we become casuists, we learn to be Jesuitical and for a time maybe
we can soothe ourselves, we can persuade ourselves that it is one's duty
for a good object. That's just like us, it's as clear as daylight. It's
clear that Rodion Romanovitch Raskolnikov is the central figure in the
business, and no one else. Oh, yes, she can ensure his happiness, keep
him in the university, make him a partner in the office, make his whole
future secure; perhaps he may even be a rich man later on, prosperous,
respected, and may even end his life a famous man! But my mother? It's
all Rodya, precious Rodya, her first born! For such a son who would not
sacrifice such a daughter! Oh, loving, over-partial hearts! Why, for his
sake we would not shrink even from Sonia's fate. Sonia, Sonia Marmeladov,
the eternal victim so long as the world lasts. Have you taken the
measure of your sacrifice, both of you? Is it right? Can you bear it? Is
it any use? Is there sense in it? And let me tell you, Dounia, Sonia's
life is no worse than life with Mr. Luzhin. 'There can be no question of
love,' mother writes. And what if there can be no respect either, if on
the contrary there is aversion, contempt, repulsion, what then? So you
will have to 'keep up your appearance,' too. Is not that so? Do you
understand what that smartness means? Do you understand that the Luzhin
smartness is just the same thing as Sonia's and may be worse, viler,
baser, because in your case, Dounia, it's a bargain for luxuries, after
all, but with Sonia it's simply a question of starvation. It has to be
paid for, it has to be paid for, Dounia, this smartness. And what if
it's more than you can bear afterwards, if you regret it? The
bitterness, the misery, the curses, the tears hidden from all the world,
for you are not a Marfa Petrovna. And how will your mother feel then?
Even now she is uneasy, she is worried, but then, when she sees it all
clearly? And I? Yes, indeed, what have you taken me for? I won't have
your sacrifice, Dounia, I won't have it, mother! It shall not be, so
long as I am alive, it shall not, it shall not! I won't accept it!"
He suddenly paused in his reflection and stood
still.
"It shall not be? But what are you going to
do to prevent it? You'll forbid it? And what right have you? What can
you promise them on your side to give you such a right? Your whole life,
your whole future, you will devote to them when you have finished
your studies and obtained a post? Yes, we have heard all that
before, and that's all words, but now? Now something must be
done, now, do you understand that? And what are you doing now? You are
living upon them. They borrow on their hundred roubles pension. They
borrow from the Svidrigaïlovs. How are you going to save them from
Svidrigaïlovs, from Afanasy Ivanovitch Vahrushin, oh, future
millionaire Zeus who would arrange their lives for them? In another ten
years? In another ten years, mother will be blind with knitting shawls,
maybe with weeping too. She will be worn to a shadow with fasting; and
my sister? Imagine for a moment what may have become of your sister in
ten years? What may happen to her during those ten years? Can you
fancy?"
So he tortured himself, fretting himself with such
questions, and finding a kind of enjoyment in it. And yet all these
questions were not new ones suddenly confronting him, they were old
familiar aches. It was long since they had first begun to grip and rend
his heart. Long, long ago his present anguish had its first beginnings;
it had waxed and gathered strength, it had matured and concentrated,
until it had taken the form of a fearful, frenzied and fantastic
question, which tortured his heart and mind, clamouring insistently for
an answer. Now his mother's letter had burst on him like a thunderclap.
It was clear that he must not now suffer passively, worrying himself
over unsolved questions, but that he must do something, do it at once,
and do it quickly. Anyway he must decide on something, or else...
"Or throw up life altogether!" he cried
suddenly, in a frenzy—"accept one's lot humbly as it is, once for
all and stifle everything in oneself, giving up all claim to activity,
life and love!"
"Do you understand, sir, do you understand
what it means when you have absolutely nowhere to turn?"
Marmeladov's question came suddenly into his mind, "for every man
must have somewhere to turn...."
He gave a sudden start; another thought, that he
had had yesterday, slipped back into his mind. But he did not start at
the thought recurring to him, for he knew, he had felt beforehand,
that it must come back, he was expecting it; besides it was not only
yesterday's thought. The difference was that a month ago, yesterday
even, the thought was a mere dream: but now... now it appeared not a
dream at all, it had taken a new menacing and quite unfamiliar shape,
and he suddenly became aware of this himself.... He felt a hammering in
his head, and there was a darkness before his eyes.
He looked round hurriedly, he was searching for
something. He wanted to sit down and was looking for a seat; he was
walking along the K—— Boulevard. There was a seat about a hundred
paces in front of him. He walked towards it as fast he could; but on the
way he met with a little adventure which absorbed all his attention.
Looking for the seat, he had noticed a woman walking some twenty paces
in front of him, but at first he took no more notice of her than of
other objects that crossed his path. It had happened to him many times
going home not to notice the road by which he was going, and he was
accustomed to walk like that. But there was at first sight something so
strange about the woman in front of him, that gradually his attention
was riveted upon her, at first reluctantly and, as it were, resentfully,
and then more and more intently. He felt a sudden desire to find out
what it was that was so strange about the woman. In the first place, she
appeared to be a girl quite young, and she was walking in the great heat
bareheaded and with no parasol or gloves, waving her arms about in an
absurd way. She had on a dress of some light silky material, but put on
strangely awry, not properly hooked up, and torn open at the top of the
skirt, close to the waist: a great piece was rent and hanging loose. A
little kerchief was flung about her bare throat, but lay slanting on one
side. The girl was walking unsteadily, too, stumbling and staggering
from side to side. She drew Raskolnikov's whole attention at last. He
overtook the girl at the seat, but, on reaching it, she dropped down on
it, in the corner; she let her head sink on the back of the seat and
closed her eyes, apparently in extreme exhaustion. Looking at her
closely, he saw at once that she was completely drunk. It was a strange
and shocking sight. He could hardly believe that he was not mistaken. He
saw before him the face of a quite young, fair-haired girl—sixteen,
perhaps not more than fifteen, years old, pretty little face, but
flushed and heavy looking and, as it were, swollen. The girl seemed
hardly to know what she was doing; she crossed one leg over the other,
lifting it indecorously, and showed every sign of being unconscious that
she was in the street.
Raskolnikov did not sit down, but he felt
unwilling to leave her, and stood facing her in perplexity. This
boulevard was never much frequented; and now, at two o'clock, in the
stifling heat, it was quite deserted. And yet on the further side of the
boulevard, about fifteen paces away, a gentleman was standing on the
edge of the pavement. He, too, would apparently have liked to approach
the girl with some object of his own. He, too, had probably seen her in
the distance and had followed her, but found Raskolnikov in his way. He
looked angrily at him, though he tried to escape his notice, and stood
impatiently biding his time, till the unwelcome man in rags should have
moved away. His intentions were unmistakable. The gentleman was a plump,
thickly-set man, about thirty, fashionably dressed, with a high colour,
red lips and moustaches. Raskolnikov felt furious; he had a sudden
longing to insult this fat dandy in some way. He left the girl for a
moment and walked towards the gentleman.
"Hey! You Svidrigaïlov! What do you want
here?" he shouted, clenching his fists and laughing, spluttering
with rage.
"What do you mean?" the gentleman asked
sternly, scowling in haughty astonishment.
"Get away, that's what I mean."
"How dare you, you low fellow!"
He raised his cane. Raskolnikov rushed at him with
his fists, without reflecting that the stout gentleman was a match for
two men like himself. But at that instant someone seized him from
behind, and a police constable stood between them.
"That's enough, gentlemen, no fighting,
please, in a public place. What do you want? Who are you?" he asked
Raskolnikov sternly, noticing his rags.
Raskolnikov looked at him intently. He had a
straight-forward, sensible, soldierly face, with grey moustaches and
whiskers.
"You are just the man I want,"
Raskolnikov cried, catching at his arm. "I am a student,
Raskolnikov.... You may as well know that too," he added,
addressing the gentleman, "come along, I have something to show
you."
And taking the policeman by the hand he drew him
towards the seat.
"Look here, hopelessly drunk, and she has
just come down the boulevard. There is no telling who and what she is,
she does not look like a professional. It's more likely she has been
given drink and deceived somewhere... for the first time... you
understand? and they've put her out into the street like that. Look at
the way her dress is torn, and the way it has been put on: she has been
dressed by somebody, she has not dressed herself, and dressed by
unpractised hands, by a man's hands; that's evident. And now look there:
I don't know that dandy with whom I was going to fight, I see him for
the first time, but he, too, has seen her on the road, just now, drunk,
not knowing what she is doing, and now he is very eager to get hold of
her, to get her away somewhere while she is in this state... that's
certain, believe me, I am not wrong. I saw him myself watching her and
following her, but I prevented him, and he is just waiting for me to go
away. Now he has walked away a little, and is standing still, pretending
to make a cigarette.... Think how can we keep her out of his hands, and
how are we to get her home?"
The policeman saw it all in a flash. The stout
gentleman was easy to understand, he turned to consider the girl. The
policeman bent over to examine her more closely, and his face worked
with genuine compassion.
"Ah, what a pity!" he said, shaking his
head—"why, she is quite a child! She has been deceived, you can
see that at once. Listen, lady," he began addressing her,
"where do you live?" The girl opened her weary and
sleepy-looking eyes, gazed blankly at the speaker and waved her hand.
"Here," said Raskolnikov feeling in his
pocket and finding twenty copecks, "here, call a cab and tell him
to drive her to her address. The only thing is to find out her
address!"
"Missy, missy!" the policeman began
again, taking the money. "I'll fetch you a cab and take you home
myself. Where shall I take you, eh? Where do you live?"
"Go away! They won't let me alone," the
girl muttered, and once more waved her hand.
"Ach, ach, how shocking! It's shameful,
missy, it's a shame!" He shook his head again, shocked, sympathetic
and indignant.
"It's a difficult job," the policeman
said to Raskolnikov, and as he did so, he looked him up and down in a
rapid glance. He, too, must have seemed a strange figure to him: dressed
in rags and handing him money!
"Did you meet her far from here?" he
asked him.
"I tell you she was walking in front of me,
staggering, just here, in the boulevard. She only just reached the seat
and sank down on it."
"Ah, the shameful things that are done in the
world nowadays, God have mercy on us! An innocent creature like that,
drunk already! She has been deceived, that's a sure thing. See how her
dress has been torn too.... Ah, the vice one sees nowadays! And as
likely as not she belongs to gentlefolk too, poor ones maybe.... There
are many like that nowadays. She looks refined, too, as though she were
a lady," and he bent over her once more.
Perhaps he had daughters growing up like that,
"looking like ladies and refined" with pretensions to
gentility and smartness....
"The chief thing is," Raskolnikov
persisted, "to keep her out of this scoundrel's hands! Why should
he outrage her! It's as clear as day what he is after; ah, the brute, he
is not moving off!"
Raskolnikov spoke aloud and pointed to him. The
gentleman heard him, and seemed about to fly into a rage again, but
thought better of it, and confined himself to a contemptuous look. He
then walked slowly another ten paces away and again halted.
"Keep her out of his hands we can," said
the constable thoughtfully, "if only she'd tell us where to take
her, but as it is.... Missy, hey, missy!" he bent over her once
more.
She opened her eyes fully all of a sudden, looked
at him intently, as though realising something, got up from the seat and
walked away in the direction from which she had come. "Oh shameful
wretches, they won't let me alone!" she said, waving her hand
again. She walked quickly, though staggering as before. The dandy
followed her, but along another avenue, keeping his eye on her.
"Don't be anxious, I won't let him have
her," the policeman said resolutely, and he set off after them.
"Ah, the vice one sees nowadays!" he
repeated aloud, sighing.
At that moment something seemed to sting
Raskolnikov; in an instant a complete revulsion of feeling came over
him.
"Hey, here!" he shouted after the
policeman.
The latter turned round.
"Let them be! What is it to do with you? Let
her go! Let him amuse himself." He pointed at the dandy, "What
is it to do with you?"
The policeman was bewildered, and stared at him
open-eyed. Raskolnikov laughed.
"Well!" ejaculated the policeman, with a
gesture of contempt, and he walked after the dandy and the girl,
probably taking Raskolnikov for a madman or something even worse.
"He has carried off my twenty copecks,"
Raskolnikov murmured angrily when he was left alone. "Well, let him
take as much from the other fellow to allow him to have the girl and so
let it end. And why did I want to interfere? Is it for me to help? Have
I any right to help? Let them devour each other alive—what is to me?
How did I dare to give him twenty copecks? Were they mine?"
In spite of those strange words he felt very
wretched. He sat down on the deserted seat. His thoughts strayed
aimlessly.... He found it hard to fix his mind on anything at that
moment. He longed to forget himself altogether, to forget everything,
and then to wake up and begin life anew....
"Poor girl!" he said, looking at the
empty corner where she had sat—"She will come to herself and
weep, and then her mother will find out.... She will give her a beating,
a horrible, shameful beating and then maybe, turn her out of doors....
And even if she does not, the Darya Frantsovnas will get wind of it, and
the girl will soon be slipping out on the sly here and there. Then there
will be the hospital directly (that's always the luck of those girls
with respectable mothers, who go wrong on the sly) and then... again the
hospital... drink... the taverns... and more hospital, in two or three
years—a wreck, and her life over at eighteen or nineteen.... Have not
I seen cases like that? And how have they been brought to it? Why,
they've all come to it like that. Ugh! But what does it matter? That's
as it should be, they tell us. A certain percentage, they tell us, must
every year go... that way... to the devil, I suppose, so that the rest
may remain chaste, and not be interfered with. A percentage! What
splendid words they have; they are so scientific, so consolatory....
Once you've said 'percentage' there's nothing more to worry about. If we
had any other word... maybe we might feel more uneasy.... But what if
Dounia were one of the percentage! Of another one if not that one?
"But where am I going?" he thought
suddenly. "Strange, I came out for something. As soon as I had read
the letter I came out.... I was going to Vassilyevsky Ostrov, to
Razumihin. That's what it was... now I remember. What for, though? And
what put the idea of going to Razumihin into my head just now? That's
curious."
He wondered at himself. Razumihin was one of his
old comrades at the university. It was remarkable that Raskolnikov had
hardly any friends at the university; he kept aloof from everyone, went
to see no one, and did not welcome anyone who came to see him, and
indeed everyone soon gave him up. He took no part in the students'
gatherings, amusements or conversations. He worked with great intensity
without sparing himself, and he was respected for this, but no one liked
him. He was very poor, and there was a sort of haughty pride and reserve
about him, as though he were keeping something to himself. He seemed to
some of his comrades to look down upon them all as children, as though
he were superior in development, knowledge and convictions, as though
their beliefs and interests were beneath him.
With Razumihin he had got on, or, at least, he was
more unreserved and communicative with him. Indeed it was impossible to
be on any other terms with Razumihin. He was an exceptionally good-humoured
and candid youth, good-natured to the point of simplicity, though both
depth and dignity lay concealed under that simplicity. The better of his
comrades understood this, and all were fond of him. He was extremely
intelligent, though he was certainly rather a simpleton at times. He was
of striking appearance—tall, thin, blackhaired and always badly
shaved. He was sometimes uproarious and was reputed to be of great
physical strength. One night, when out in a festive company, he had with
one blow laid a gigantic policeman on his back. There was no limit to
his drinking powers, but he could abstain from drink altogether; he
sometimes went too far in his pranks; but he could do without pranks
altogether. Another thing striking about Razumihin, no failure
distressed him, and it seemed as though no unfavourable circumstances
could crush him. He could lodge anywhere, and bear the extremes of cold
and hunger. He was very poor, and kept himself entirely on what he could
earn by work of one sort or another. He knew of no end of resources by
which to earn money. He spent one whole winter without lighting his
stove, and used to declare that he liked it better, because one slept
more soundly in the cold. For the present he, too, had been obliged to
give up the university, but it was only for a time, and he was working
with all his might to save enough to return to his studies again.
Raskolnikov had not been to see him for the last four months, and
Razumihin did not even know his address. About two months before, they
had met in the street, but Raskolnikov had turned away and even crossed
to the other side that he might not be observed. And though Razumihin
noticed him, he passed him by, as he did not want to annoy him.
CHAPTER V
"Of course, I've been meaning lately to go to
Razumihin's to ask for work, to ask him to get me lessons or
something..." Raskolnikov thought, "but what help can he be to
me now? Suppose he gets me lessons, suppose he shares his last farthing
with me, if he has any farthings, so that I could get some boots and
make myself tidy enough to give lessons... hm... Well and what then?
What shall I do with the few coppers I earn? That's not what I want now.
It's really absurd for me to go to Razumihin...."
The question why he was now going to Razumihin
agitated him even more than he was himself aware; he kept uneasily
seeking for some sinister significance in this apparently ordinary
action.
"Could I have expected to set it all straight
and to find a way out by means of Razumihin alone?" he asked
himself in perplexity.
He pondered and rubbed his forehead, and, strange
to say, after long musing, suddenly, as if it were spontaneously and by
chance, a fantastic thought came into his head.
"Hm... to Razumihin's," he said all at
once, calmly, as though he had reached a final determination. "I
shall go to Razumihin's of course, but... not now. I shall go to him...
on the next day after It, when It will be over and everything will begin
afresh...."
And suddenly he realised what he was thinking.
"After It," he shouted, jumping up from
the seat, "but is It really going to happen? Is it possible it
really will happen?" He left the seat, and went off almost at a
run; he meant to turn back, homewards, but the thought of going home
suddenly filled him with intense loathing; in that hole, in that awful
little cupboard of his, all this had for a month past been
growing up in him; and he walked on at random.
His nervous shudder had passed into a fever that
made him feel shivering; in spite of the heat he felt cold. With a kind
of effort he began almost unconsciously, from some inner craving, to
stare at all the objects before him, as though looking for something to
distract his attention; but he did not succeed, and kept dropping every
moment into brooding. When with a start he lifted his head again and
looked round, he forgot at once what he had just been thinking about and
even where he was going. In this way he walked right across Vassilyevsky
Ostrov, came out on to the Lesser Neva, crossed the bridge and turned
towards the islands. The greenness and freshness were at first restful
to his weary eyes after the dust of the town and the huge houses that
hemmed him in and weighed upon him. Here there were no taverns, no
stifling closeness, no stench. But soon these new pleasant sensations
passed into morbid irritability. Sometimes he stood still before a
brightly painted summer villa standing among green foliage, he gazed
through the fence, he saw in the distance smartly dressed women on the
verandahs and balconies, and children running in the gardens. The
flowers especially caught his attention; he gazed at them longer than at
anything. He was met, too, by luxurious carriages and by men and women
on horseback; he watched them with curious eyes and forgot about them
before they had vanished from his sight. Once he stood still and counted
his money; he found he had thirty copecks. "Twenty to the
policeman, three to Nastasya for the letter, so I must have given
forty-seven or fifty to the Marmeladovs yesterday," he thought,
reckoning it up for some unknown reason, but he soon forgot with what
object he had taken the money out of his pocket. He recalled it on
passing an eating-house or tavern, and felt that he was hungry.... Going
into the tavern he drank a glass of vodka and ate a pie of some sort. He
finished eating it as he walked away. It was a long while since he had
taken vodka and it had an effect upon him at once, though he only drank
a wineglassful. His legs felt suddenly heavy and a great drowsiness came
upon him. He turned homewards, but reaching Petrovsky Ostrov he stopped
completely exhausted, turned off the road into the bushes, sank down
upon the grass and instantly fell asleep.
In a morbid condition of the brain, dreams often
have a singular actuality, vividness, and extraordinary semblance of
reality. At times monstrous images are created, but the setting and the
whole picture are so truth-like and filled with details so delicate, so
unexpectedly, but so artistically consistent, that the dreamer, were he
an artist like Pushkin or Turgenev even, could never have invented them
in the waking state. Such sick dreams always remain long in the memory
and make a powerful impression on the overwrought and deranged nervous
system.
Raskolnikov had a fearful dream. He dreamt he was
back in his childhood in the little town of his birth. He was a child
about seven years old, walking into the country with his father on the
evening of a holiday. It was a grey and heavy day, the country was
exactly as he remembered it; indeed he recalled it far more vividly in
his dream than he had done in memory. The little town stood on a level
flat as bare as the hand, not even a willow near it; only in the far
distance, a copse lay, a dark blur on the very edge of the horizon. A
few paces beyond the last market garden stood a tavern, a big tavern,
which had always aroused in him a feeling of aversion, even of fear,
when he walked by it with his father. There was always a crowd there,
always shouting, laughter and abuse, hideous hoarse singing and often
fighting. Drunken and horrible-looking figures were hanging about the
tavern. He used to cling close to his father, trembling all over when he
met them. Near the tavern the road became a dusty track, the dust of
which was always black. It was a winding road, and about a hundred paces
further on, it turned to the right to the graveyard. In the middle of
the graveyard stood a stone church with a green cupola where he used to
go to mass two or three times a year with his father and mother, when a
service was held in memory of his grandmother, who had long been dead,
and whom he had never seen. On these occasions they used to take on a
white dish tied up in a table napkin a special sort of rice pudding with
raisins stuck in it in the shape of a cross. He loved that church, the
old-fashioned, unadorned ikons and the old priest with the shaking head.
Near his grandmother's grave, which was marked by a stone, was the
little grave of his younger brother who had died at six months old. He
did not remember him at all, but he had been told about his little
brother, and whenever he visited the graveyard he used religiously and
reverently to cross himself and to bow down and kiss the little grave.
And now he dreamt that he was walking with his father past the tavern on
the way to the graveyard; he was holding his father's hand and looking
with dread at the tavern. A peculiar circumstance attracted his
attention: there seemed to be some kind of festivity going on, there
were crowds of gaily dressed townspeople, peasant women, their husbands,
and riff-raff of all sorts, all singing and all more or less drunk. Near
the entrance of the tavern stood a cart, but a strange cart. It was one
of those big carts usually drawn by heavy cart-horses and laden with
casks of wine or other heavy goods. He always liked looking at those
great cart-horses, with their long manes, thick legs, and slow even
pace, drawing along a perfect mountain with no appearance of effort, as
though it were easier going with a load than without it. But now,
strange to say, in the shafts of such a cart he saw a thin little sorrel
beast, one of those peasants' nags which he had often seen straining
their utmost under a heavy load of wood or hay, especially when the
wheels were stuck in the mud or in a rut. And the peasants would beat
them so cruelly, sometimes even about the nose and eyes, and he felt so
sorry, so sorry for them that he almost cried, and his mother always
used to take him away from the window. All of a sudden there was a great
uproar of shouting, singing and the balalaïka, and from the tavern a
number of big and very drunken peasants came out, wearing red and blue
shirts and coats thrown over their shoulders.
"Get in, get in!" shouted one of them, a
young thick-necked peasant with a fleshy face red as a carrot.
"I'll take you all, get in!"
But at once there was an outbreak of laughter and
exclamations in the crowd.
"Take us all with a beast like that!"
"Why, Mikolka, are you crazy to put a nag
like that in such a cart?"
"And this mare is twenty if she is a day,
mates!"
"Get in, I'll take you all," Mikolka
shouted again, leaping first into the cart, seizing the reins and
standing straight up in front. "The bay has gone with Matvey,"
he shouted from the cart—"and this brute, mates, is just breaking
my heart, I feel as if I could kill her. She's just eating her head off.
Get in, I tell you! I'll make her gallop! She'll gallop!" and he
picked up the whip, preparing himself with relish to flog the little
mare.
"Get in! Come along!" The crowd laughed.
"D'you hear, she'll gallop!"
"Gallop indeed! She has not had a gallop in
her for the last ten years!"
"She'll jog along!"
"Don't you mind her, mates, bring a whip each
of you, get ready!"
"All right! Give it to her!"
They all clambered into Mikolka's cart, laughing
and making jokes. Six men got in and there was still room for more. They
hauled in a fat, rosy-cheeked woman. She was dressed in red cotton, in a
pointed, beaded headdress and thick leather shoes; she was cracking nuts
and laughing. The crowd round them was laughing too and indeed, how
could they help laughing? That wretched nag was to drag all the cartload
of them at a gallop! Two young fellows in the cart were just getting
whips ready to help Mikolka. With the cry of "now," the mare
tugged with all her might, but far from galloping, could scarcely move
forward; she struggled with her legs, gasping and shrinking from the
blows of the three whips which were showered upon her like hail. The
laughter in the cart and in the crowd was redoubled, but Mikolka flew
into a rage and furiously thrashed the mare, as though he supposed she
really could gallop.
"Let me get in, too, mates," shouted a
young man in the crowd whose appetite was aroused.
"Get in, all get in," cried Mikolka,
"she will draw you all. I'll beat her to death!" And he
thrashed and thrashed at the mare, beside himself with fury.
"Father, father," he cried,
"father, what are they doing? Father, they are beating the poor
horse!"
"Come along, come along!" said his
father. "They are drunken and foolish, they are in fun; come away,
don't look!" and he tried to draw him away, but he tore himself
away from his hand, and, beside himself with horror, ran to the horse.
The poor beast was in a bad way. She was gasping, standing still, then
tugging again and almost falling.
"Beat her to death," cried Mikolka,
"it's come to that. I'll do for her!"
"What are you about, are you a Christian, you
devil?" shouted an old man in the crowd.
"Did anyone ever see the like? A wretched nag
like that pulling such a cartload," said another.
"You'll kill her," shouted the third.
"Don't meddle! It's my property, I'll do what
I choose. Get in, more of you! Get in, all of you! I will have her go at
a gallop!..."
All at once laughter broke into a roar and covered
everything: the mare, roused by the shower of blows, began feebly
kicking. Even the old man could not help smiling. To think of a wretched
little beast like that trying to kick!
Two lads in the crowd snatched up whips and ran to
the mare to beat her about the ribs. One ran each side.
"Hit her in the face, in the eyes, in the
eyes," cried Mikolka.
"Give us a song, mates," shouted someone
in the cart and everyone in the cart joined in a riotous song, jingling
a tambourine and whistling. The woman went on cracking nuts and
laughing.
... He ran beside the mare, ran in front of her,
saw her being whipped across the eyes, right in the eyes! He was crying,
he felt choking, his tears were streaming. One of the men gave him a cut
with the whip across the face, he did not feel it. Wringing his hands
and screaming, he rushed up to the grey-headed old man with the grey
beard, who was shaking his head in disapproval. One woman seized him by
the hand and would have taken him away, but he tore himself from her and
ran back to the mare. She was almost at the last gasp, but began kicking
once more.
"I'll teach you to kick," Mikolka
shouted ferociously. He threw down the whip, bent forward and picked up
from the bottom of the cart a long, thick shaft, he took hold of one end
with both hands and with an effort brandished it over the mare.
"He'll crush her," was shouted round
him. "He'll kill her!"
"It's my property," shouted Mikolka and
brought the shaft down with a swinging blow. There was a sound of a
heavy thud.
"Thrash her, thrash her! Why have you
stopped?" shouted voices in the crowd.
And Mikolka swung the shaft a second time and it
fell a second time on the spine of the luckless mare. She sank back on
her haunches, but lurched forward and tugged forward with all her force,
tugged first on one side and then on the other, trying to move the cart.
But the six whips were attacking her in all directions, and the shaft
was raised again and fell upon her a third time, then a fourth, with
heavy measured blows. Mikolka was in a fury that he could not kill her
at one blow.
"She's a tough one," was shouted in the
crowd.
"She'll fall in a minute, mates, there will
soon be an end of her," said an admiring spectator in the crowd.
"Fetch an axe to her! Finish her off,"
shouted a third.
"I'll show you! Stand off," Mikolka
screamed frantically; he threw down the shaft, stooped down in the cart
and picked up an iron crowbar. "Look out," he shouted, and
with all his might he dealt a stunning blow at the poor mare. The blow
fell; the mare staggered, sank back, tried to pull, but the bar fell
again with a swinging blow on her back and she fell on the ground like a
log.
"Finish her off," shouted Mikolka and he
leapt beside himself, out of the cart. Several young men, also flushed
with drink, seized anything they could come across—whips, sticks,
poles, and ran to the dying mare. Mikolka stood on one side and began
dealing random blows with the crowbar. The mare stretched out her head,
drew a long breath and died.
"You butchered her," someone shouted in
the crowd.
"Why wouldn't she gallop then?"
"My property!" shouted Mikolka, with
bloodshot eyes, brandishing the bar in his hands. He stood as though
regretting that he had nothing more to beat.
"No mistake about it, you are not a
Christian," many voices were shouting in the crowd.
But the poor boy, beside himself, made his way,
screaming, through the crowd to the sorrel nag, put his arms round her
bleeding dead head and kissed it, kissed the eyes and kissed the
lips.... Then he jumped up and flew in a frenzy with his little fists
out at Mikolka. At that instant his father, who had been running after
him, snatched him up and carried him out of the crowd.
"Come along, come! Let us go home," he
said to him.
"Father! Why did they... kill... the poor
horse!" he sobbed, but his voice broke and the words came in
shrieks from his panting chest.
"They are drunk.... They are brutal... it's
not our business!" said his father. He put his arms round his
father but he felt choked, choked. He tried to draw a breath, to cry
out—and woke up.
He waked up, gasping for breath, his hair soaked
with perspiration, and stood up in terror.
"Thank God, that was only a dream," he
said, sitting down under a tree and drawing deep breaths. "But what
is it? Is it some fever coming on? Such a hideous dream!"
He felt utterly broken: darkness and confusion
were in his soul. He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned his head
on his hands.
"Good God!" he cried, "can it be,
can it be, that I shall really take an axe, that I shall strike her on
the head, split her skull open... that I shall tread in the sticky warm
blood, break the lock, steal and tremble; hide, all spattered in the
blood... with the axe.... Good God, can it be?"
He was shaking like a leaf as he said this.
"But why am I going on like this?" he
continued, sitting up again, as it were in profound amazement. "I
knew that I could never bring myself to it, so what have I been
torturing myself for till now? Yesterday, yesterday, when I went to make
that... experiment, yesterday I realised completely that I could
never bear to do it.... Why am I going over it again, then? Why am I
hesitating? As I came down the stairs yesterday, I said myself that it
was base, loathsome, vile, vile... the very thought of it made me feel
sick and filled me with horror.
"No, I couldn't do it, I couldn't do it!
Granted, granted that there is no flaw in all that reasoning, that all
that I have concluded this last month is clear as day, true as
arithmetic.... My God! Anyway I couldn't bring myself to it! I couldn't
do it, I couldn't do it! Why, why then am I still...?"
He rose to his feet, looked round in wonder as
though surprised at finding himself in this place, and went towards the
bridge. He was pale, his eyes glowed, he was exhausted in every limb,
but he seemed suddenly to breathe more easily. He felt he had cast off
that fearful burden that had so long been weighing upon him, and all at
once there was a sense of relief and peace in his soul.
"Lord," he prayed, "show me my path—I renounce that
accursed... dream of mine."
Crossing the bridge, he gazed quietly and calmly
at the Neva, at the glowing red sun setting in the glowing sky. In spite
of his weakness he was not conscious of fatigue. It was as though an
abscess that had been forming for a month past in his heart had suddenly
broken. Freedom, freedom! He was free from that spell, that sorcery,
that obsession!
Later on, when he recalled that time and all that
happened to him during those days, minute by minute, point by point, he
was superstitiously impressed by one circumstance, which, though in
itself not very exceptional, always seemed to him afterwards the
predestined turning-point of his fate. He could never understand and
explain to himself why, when he was tired and worn out, when it would
have been more convenient for him to go home by the shortest and most
direct way, he had returned by the Hay Market where he had no need to
go. It was obviously and quite unnecessarily out of his way, though not
much so. It is true that it happened to him dozens of times to return
home without noticing what streets he passed through. But why, he was
always asking himself, why had such an important, such a decisive and at
the same time such an absolutely chance meeting happened in the Hay
Market (where he had moreover no reason to go) at the very hour, the
very minute of his life when he was just in the very mood and in the
very circumstances in which that meeting was able to exert the gravest
and most decisive influence on his whole destiny? As though it had been
lying in wait for him on purpose!
It was about nine o'clock when he crossed the Hay
Market. At the tables and the barrows, at the booths and the shops, all
the market people were closing their establishments or clearing away and
packing up their wares and, like their customers, were going home. Rag
pickers and costermongers of all kinds were crowding round the taverns
in the dirty and stinking courtyards of the Hay Market. Raskolnikov
particularly liked this place and the neighbouring alleys, when he
wandered aimlessly in the streets. Here his rags did not attract
contemptuous attention, and one could walk about in any attire without
scandalising people. At the corner of an alley a huckster and his wife
had two tables set out with tapes, thread, cotton handkerchiefs, etc.
They, too, had got up to go home, but were lingering in conversation
with a friend, who had just come up to them. This friend was Lizaveta
Ivanovna, or, as everyone called her, Lizaveta, the younger sister of
the old pawnbroker, Alyona Ivanovna, whom Raskolnikov had visited the
previous day to pawn his watch and make his experiment.... He
already knew all about Lizaveta and she knew him a little too. She was a
single woman of about thirty-five, tall, clumsy, timid, submissive and
almost idiotic. She was a complete slave and went in fear and trembling
of her sister, who made her work day and night, and even beat her. She
was standing with a bundle before the huckster and his wife, listening
earnestly and doubtfully. They were talking of something with special
warmth. The moment Raskolnikov caught sight of her, he was overcome by a
strange sensation as it were of intense astonishment, though there was
nothing astonishing about this meeting.
"You could make up your mind for yourself,
Lizaveta Ivanovna," the huckster was saying aloud. "Come round
to-morrow about seven. They will be here too."
"To-morrow?" said Lizaveta slowly and
thoughtfully, as though unable to make up her mind.
"Upon my word, what a fright you are in of
Alyona Ivanovna," gabbled the huckster's wife, a lively little
woman. "I look at you, you are like some little babe. And she is
not your own sister either-nothing but a step-sister and what a hand she
keeps over you!"
"But this time don't say a word to Alyona
Ivanovna," her husband interrupted; "that's my advice, but
come round to us without asking. It will be worth your while. Later on
your sister herself may have a notion."
"Am I to come?"
"About seven o'clock to-morrow. And they will
be here. You will be able to decide for yourself."
"And we'll have a cup of tea," added his
wife.
"All right, I'll come," said Lizaveta,
still pondering, and she began slowly moving away.
Raskolnikov had just passed and heard no more. He
passed softly, unnoticed, trying not to miss a word. His first amazement
was followed by a thrill of horror, like a shiver running down his
spine. He had learnt, he had suddenly quite unexpectedly learnt, that
the next day at seven o'clock Lizaveta, the old woman's sister and only
companion, would be away from home and that therefore at seven o'clock
precisely the old woman would be left alone.
He was only a few steps from his lodging. He went
in like a man condemned to death. He thought of nothing and was
incapable of thinking; but he felt suddenly in his whole being that he
had no more freedom of thought, no will, and that everything was
suddenly and irrevocably decided.
Certainly, if he had to wait whole years for a
suitable opportunity, he could not reckon on a more certain step towards
the success of the plan than that which had just presented itself. In
any case, it would have been difficult to find out beforehand and with
certainty, with greater exactness and less risk, and without dangerous
inquiries and investigations, that next day at a certain time an old
woman, on whose life an attempt was contemplated, would be at home and
entirely alone.
CHAPTER VI
Later on Raskolnikov happened to find out why the
huckster and his wife had invited Lizaveta. It was a very ordinary
matter and there was nothing exceptional about it. A family who had come
to the town and been reduced to poverty were selling their household
goods and clothes, all women's things. As the things would have fetched
little in the market, they were looking for a dealer. This was
Lizaveta's business. She undertook such jobs and was frequently
employed, as she was very honest and always fixed a fair price and stuck
to it. She spoke as a rule little and, as we have said already, she was
very submissive and timid.
But Raskolnikov had become superstitious of late.
The traces of superstition remained in him long after, and were almost
ineradicable. And in all this he was always afterwards disposed to see
something strange and mysterious, as it were, the presence of some
peculiar influences and coincidences. In the previous winter a student
he knew called Pokorev, who had left for Harkov, had chanced in
conversation to give him the address of Alyona Ivanovna, the old
pawnbroker, in case he might want to pawn anything. For a long while he
did not go to her, for he had lessons and managed to get along somehow.
Six weeks ago he had remembered the address; he had two articles that
could be pawned: his father's old silver watch and a little gold ring
with three red stones, a present from his sister at parting. He decided
to take the ring. When he found the old woman he had felt an
insurmountable repulsion for her at the first glance, though he knew
nothing special about her. He got two roubles from her and went into a
miserable little tavern on his way home. He asked for tea, sat down and
sank into deep thought. A strange idea was pecking at his brain like a
chicken in the egg, and very, very much absorbed him.
Almost beside him at the next table there was
sitting a student, whom he did not know and had never seen, and with him
a young officer. They had played a game of billiards and began drinking
tea. All at once he heard the student mention to the officer the
pawnbroker Alyona Ivanovna and give him her address. This of itself
seemed strange to Raskolnikov; he had just come from her and here at
once he heard her name. Of course it was a chance, but he could not
shake off a very extraordinary impression, and here someone seemed to be
speaking expressly for him; the student began telling his friend various
details about Alyona Ivanovna.
"She is first-rate," he said. "You
can always get money from her. She is as rich as a Jew, she can give you
five thousand roubles at a time and she is not above taking a pledge for
a rouble. Lots of our fellows have had dealings with her. But she is an
awful old harpy...."
And he began describing how spiteful and uncertain
she was, how if you were only a day late with your interest the pledge
was lost; how she gave a quarter of the value of an article and took
five and even seven percent a month on it and so on. The student
chattered on, saying that she had a sister Lizaveta, whom the wretched
little creature was continually beating, and kept in complete bondage
like a small child, though Lizaveta was at least six feet high.
"There's a phenomenon for you," cried
the student and he laughed.
They began talking about Lizaveta. The student
spoke about her with a peculiar relish and was continually laughing and
the officer listened with great interest and asked him to send Lizaveta
to do some mending for him. Raskolnikov did not miss a word and learned
everything about her. Lizaveta was younger than the old woman and was
her half-sister, being the child of a different mother. She was
thirty-five. She worked day and night for her sister, and besides doing
the cooking and the washing, she did sewing and worked as a charwoman
and gave her sister all she earned. She did not dare to accept an order
or job of any kind without her sister's permission. The old woman had
already made her will, and Lizaveta knew of it, and by this will she
would not get a farthing; nothing but the movables, chairs and so on;
all the money was left to a monastery in the province of N——, that
prayers might be said for her in perpetuity. Lizaveta was of lower rank
than her sister, unmarried and awfully uncouth in appearance, remarkably
tall with long feet that looked as if they were bent outwards. She
always wore battered goatskin shoes, and was clean in her person. What
the student expressed most surprise and amusement about was the fact
that Lizaveta was continually with child.
"But you say she is hideous?" observed
the officer.
"Yes, she is so dark-skinned and looks like a
soldier dressed up, but you know she is not at all hideous. She has such
a good-natured face and eyes. Strikingly so. And the proof of it is that
lots of people are attracted by her. She is such a soft, gentle
creature, ready to put up with anything, always willing, willing to do
anything. And her smile is really very sweet."
"You seem to find her attractive
yourself," laughed the officer.
"From her queerness. No, I'll tell you what.
I could kill that damned old woman and make off with her money, I assure
you, without the faintest conscience-prick," the student added with
warmth. The officer laughed again while Raskolnikov shuddered. How
strange it was!
"Listen, I want to ask you a serious
question," the student said hotly. "I was joking of course,
but look here; on one side we have a stupid, senseless, worthless,
spiteful, ailing, horrid old woman, not simply useless but doing actual
mischief, who has not an idea what she is living for herself, and who
will die in a day or two in any case. You understand? You
understand?"
"Yes, yes, I understand," answered the
officer, watching his excited companion attentively.
"Well, listen then. On the other side, fresh
young lives thrown away for want of help and by thousands, on every
side! A hundred thousand good deeds could be done and helped, on that
old woman's money which will be buried in a monastery! Hundreds,
thousands perhaps, might be set on the right path; dozens of families
saved from destitution, from ruin, from vice, from the Lock
hospitals—and all with her money. Kill her, take her money and with
the help of it devote oneself to the service of humanity and the good of
all. What do you think, would not one tiny crime be wiped out by
thousands of good deeds? For one life thousands would be saved from
corruption and decay. One death, and a hundred lives in exchange—it's
simple arithmetic! Besides, what value has the life of that sickly,
stupid, ill-natured old woman in the balance of existence! No more than
the life of a louse, of a black-beetle, less in fact because the old
woman is doing harm. She is wearing out the lives of others; the other
day she bit Lizaveta's finger out of spite; it almost had to be
amputated."
"Of course she does not deserve to
live," remarked the officer, "but there it is, it's
nature."
"Oh, well, brother, but we have to correct
and direct nature, and, but for that, we should drown in an ocean of
prejudice. But for that, there would never have been a single great man.
They talk of duty, conscience—I don't want to say anything against
duty and conscience;—but the point is, what do we mean by them. Stay,
I have another question to ask you. Listen!"
"No, you stay, I'll ask you a question.
Listen!"
"Well?"
"You are talking and speechifying away, but
tell me, would you kill the old woman yourself?"
"Of course not! I was only arguing the
justice of it.... It's nothing to do with me...."
"But I think, if you would not do it
yourself, there's no justice about it.... Let us have another
game."
Raskolnikov was violently agitated. Of course, it
was all ordinary youthful talk and thought, such as he had often heard
before in different forms and on different themes. But why had he
happened to hear such a discussion and such ideas at the very moment
when his own brain was just conceiving... the very same ideas?
And why, just at the moment when he had brought away the embryo of his
idea from the old woman had he dropped at once upon a conversation about
her? This coincidence always seemed strange to him. This trivial talk in
a tavern had an immense influence on him in his later action; as though
there had really been in it something preordained, some guiding hint....
On returning from the Hay Market he flung himself
on the sofa and sat for a whole hour without stirring. Meanwhile it got
dark; he had no candle and, indeed, it did not occur to him to light up.
He could never recollect whether he had been thinking about anything at
that time. At last he was conscious of his former fever and shivering,
and he realised with relief that he could lie down on the sofa. Soon
heavy, leaden sleep came over him, as it were crushing him.
He slept an extraordinarily long time and without
dreaming. Nastasya, coming into his room at ten o'clock the next
morning, had difficulty in rousing him. She brought him in tea and
bread. The tea was again the second brew and again in her own tea-pot.
"My goodness, how he sleeps!" she cried
indignantly. "And he is always asleep."
He got up with an effort. His head ached, he stood
up, took a turn in his garret and sank back on the sofa again.
"Going to sleep again," cried Nastasya.
"Are you ill, eh?"
He made no reply.
"Do you want some tea?"
"Afterwards," he said with an effort,
closing his eyes again and turning to the wall.
Nastasya stood over him.
"Perhaps he really is ill," she said,
turned and went out. She came in again at two o'clock with soup. He was
lying as before. The tea stood untouched. Nastasya felt positively
offended and began wrathfully rousing him.
"Why are you lying like a log?" she
shouted, looking at him with repulsion.
He got up, and sat down again, but said nothing
and stared at the floor.
"Are you ill or not?" asked Nastasya and
again received no answer. "You'd better go out and get a breath of
air," she said after a pause. "Will you eat it or not?"
"Afterwards," he said weakly. "You
can go."
And he motioned her out.
She remained a little longer, looked at him with
compassion and went out.
A few minutes afterwards, he raised his eyes and
looked for a long while at the tea and the soup. Then he took the bread,
took up a spoon and began to eat.
He ate a little, three or four spoonfuls, without
appetite, as it were mechanically. His head ached less. After his meal
he stretched himself on the sofa again, but now he could not sleep; he
lay without stirring, with his face in the pillow. He was haunted by
day-dreams and such strange day-dreams; in one, that kept recurring, he
fancied that he was in Africa, in Egypt, in some sort of oasis. The
caravan was resting, the camels were peacefully lying down; the palms
stood all around in a complete circle; all the party were at dinner. But
he was drinking water from a spring which flowed gurgling close by. And
it was so cool, it was wonderful, wonderful, blue, cold water running
among the parti-coloured stones and over the clean sand which glistened
here and there like gold.... Suddenly he heard a clock strike. He
started, roused himself, raised his head, looked out of the window, and
seeing how late it was, suddenly jumped up wide awake as though someone
had pulled him off the sofa. He crept on tiptoe to the door, stealthily
opened it and began listening on the staircase. His heart beat terribly.
But all was quiet on the stairs as if everyone was asleep.... It seemed
to him strange and monstrous that he could have slept in such
forgetfulness from the previous day and had done nothing, had prepared
nothing yet.... And meanwhile perhaps it had struck six. And his
drowsiness and stupefaction were followed by an extraordinary, feverish,
as it were distracted haste. But the preparations to be made were few.
He concentrated all his energies on thinking of everything and
forgetting nothing; and his heart kept beating and thumping so that he
could hardly breathe. First he had to make a noose and sew it into his
overcoat—a work of a moment. He rummaged under his pillow and picked
out amongst the linen stuffed away under it, a worn out, old unwashed
shirt. From its rags he tore a long strip, a couple of inches wide and
about sixteen inches long. He folded this strip in two, took off his
wide, strong summer overcoat of some stout cotton material (his only
outer garment) and began sewing the two ends of the rag on the inside,
under the left armhole. His hands shook as he sewed, but he did it
successfully so that nothing showed outside when he put the coat on
again. The needle and thread he had got ready long before and they lay
on his table in a piece of paper. As for the noose, it was a very
ingenious device of his own; the noose was intended for the axe. It was
impossible for him to carry the axe through the street in his hands. And
if hidden under his coat he would still have had to support it with his
hand, which would have been noticeable. Now he had only to put the head
of the axe in the noose, and it would hang quietly under his arm on the
inside. Putting his hand in his coat pocket, he could hold the end of
the handle all the way, so that it did not swing; and as the coat was
very full, a regular sack in fact, it could not be seen from outside
that he was holding something with the hand that was in the pocket. This
noose, too, he had designed a fortnight before.
When he had finished with this, he thrust his hand
into a little opening between his sofa and the floor, fumbled in the
left corner and drew out the pledge, which he had got ready long
before and hidden there. This pledge was, however, only a smoothly
planed piece of wood the size and thickness of a silver cigarette case.
He picked up this piece of wood in one of his wanderings in a courtyard
where there was some sort of a workshop. Afterwards he had added to the
wood a thin smooth piece of iron, which he had also picked up at the
same time in the street. Putting the iron which was a little the smaller
on the piece of wood, he fastened them very firmly, crossing and
re-crossing the thread round them; then wrapped them carefully and
daintily in clean white paper and tied up the parcel so that it would be
very difficult to untie it. This was in order to divert the attention of
the old woman for a time, while she was trying to undo the knot, and so
to gain a moment. The iron strip was added to give weight, so that the
woman might not guess the first minute that the "thing" was
made of wood. All this had been stored by him beforehand under the sofa.
He had only just got the pledge out when he heard someone suddenly about
in the yard.
"It struck six long ago."
"Long ago! My God!"
He rushed to the door, listened, caught up his hat
and began to descend his thirteen steps cautiously, noiselessly, like a
cat. He had still the most important thing to do—to steal the axe from
the kitchen. That the deed must be done with an axe he had decided long
ago. He had also a pocket pruning-knife, but he could not rely on the
knife and still less on his own strength, and so resolved finally on the
axe. We may note in passing, one peculiarity in regard to all the final
resolutions taken by him in the matter; they had one strange
characteristic: the more final they were, the more hideous and the more
absurd they at once became in his eyes. In spite of all his agonising
inward struggle, he never for a single instant all that time could
believe in the carrying out of his plans.
And, indeed, if it had ever happened that
everything to the least point could have been considered and finally
settled, and no uncertainty of any kind had remained, he would, it
seems, have renounced it all as something absurd, monstrous and
impossible. But a whole mass of unsettled points and uncertainties
remained. As for getting the axe, that trifling business cost him no
anxiety, for nothing could be easier. Nastasya was continually out of
the house, especially in the evenings; she would run in to the
neighbours or to a shop, and always left the door ajar. It was the one
thing the landlady was always scolding her about. And so, when the time
came, he would only have to go quietly into the kitchen and to take the
axe, and an hour later (when everything was over) go in and put it back
again. But these were doubtful points. Supposing he returned an hour
later to put it back, and Nastasya had come back and was on the spot. He
would of course have to go by and wait till she went out again. But
supposing she were in the meantime to miss the axe, look for it, make an
outcry—that would mean suspicion or at least grounds for suspicion.
But those were all trifles which he had not even
begun to consider, and indeed he had no time. He was thinking of the
chief point, and put off trifling details, until he could believe in
it all. But that seemed utterly unattainable. So it seemed to
himself at least. He could not imagine, for instance, that he would
sometime leave off thinking, get up and simply go there.... Even his
late experiment (i.e. his visit with the object of a final survey of the
place) was simply an attempt at an experiment, far from being the real
thing, as though one should say "come, let us go and try it—why
dream about it!"—and at once he had broken down and had run away
cursing, in a frenzy with himself. Meanwhile it would seem, as regards
the moral question, that his analysis was complete; his casuistry had
become keen as a razor, and he could not find rational objections in
himself. But in the last resort he simply ceased to believe in himself,
and doggedly, slavishly sought arguments in all directions, fumbling for
them, as though someone were forcing and drawing him to it.
At first—long before indeed—he had been much
occupied with one question; why almost all crimes are so badly concealed
and so easily detected, and why almost all criminals leave such obvious
traces? He had come gradually to many different and curious conclusions,
and in his opinion the chief reason lay not so much in the material
impossibility of concealing the crime, as in the criminal himself.
Almost every criminal is subject to a failure of will and reasoning
power by a childish and phenomenal heedlessness, at the very instant
when prudence and caution are most essential. It was his conviction that
this eclipse of reason and failure of will power attacked a man like a
disease, developed gradually and reached its highest point just before
the perpetration of the crime, continued with equal violence at the
moment of the crime and for longer or shorter time after, according to
the individual case, and then passed off like any other disease. The
question whether the disease gives rise to the crime, or whether the
crime from its own peculiar nature is always accompanied by something of
the nature of disease, he did not yet feel able to decide.
When he reached these conclusions, he decided that
in his own case there could not be such a morbid reaction, that his
reason and will would remain unimpaired at the time of carrying out his
design, for the simple reason that his design was "not a
crime...." We will omit all the process by means of which he
arrived at this last conclusion; we have run too far ahead already....
We may add only that the practical, purely material difficulties of the
affair occupied a secondary position in his mind. "One has but to
keep all one's will-power and reason to deal with them, and they will
all be overcome at the time when once one has familiarised oneself with
the minutest details of the business...." But this preparation had
never been begun. His final decisions were what he came to trust least,
and when the hour struck, it all came to pass quite differently, as it
were accidentally and unexpectedly.
One trifling circumstance upset his calculations,
before he had even left the staircase. When he reached the landlady's
kitchen, the door of which was open as usual, he glanced cautiously in
to see whether, in Nastasya's absence, the landlady herself was there,
or if not, whether the door to her own room was closed, so that she
might not peep out when he went in for the axe. But what was his
amazement when he suddenly saw that Nastasya was not only at home in the
kitchen, but was occupied there, taking linen out of a basket and
hanging it on a line. Seeing him, she left off hanging the clothes,
turned to him and stared at him all the time he was passing. He turned
away his eyes, and walked past as though he noticed nothing. But it was
the end of everything; he had not the axe! He was overwhelmed.
"What made me think," he reflected, as
he went under the gateway, "what made me think that she would be
sure not to be at home at that moment! Why, why, why did I assume this
so certainly?"
He was crushed and even humiliated. He could have
laughed at himself in his anger.... A dull animal rage boiled within
him.
He stood hesitating in the gateway. To go into the
street, to go a walk for appearance' sake was revolting; to go back to
his room, even more revolting. "And what a chance I have lost for
ever!" he muttered, standing aimlessly in the gateway, just
opposite the porter's little dark room, which was also open. Suddenly he
started. From the porter's room, two paces away from him, something
shining under the bench to the right caught his eye.... He looked about
him—nobody. He approached the room on tiptoe, went down two steps into
it and in a faint voice called the porter. "Yes, not at home!
Somewhere near though, in the yard, for the door is wide open." He
dashed to the axe (it was an axe) and pulled it out from under the
bench, where it lay between two chunks of wood; at once, before going
out, he made it fast in the noose, he thrust both hands into his pockets
and went out of the room; no one had noticed him! "When reason
fails, the devil helps!" he thought with a strange grin. This
chance raised his spirits extraordinarily.
He walked along quietly and sedately, without
hurry, to avoid awakening suspicion. He scarcely looked at the
passers-by, tried to escape looking at their faces at all, and to be as
little noticeable as possible. Suddenly he thought of his hat.
"Good heavens! I had the money the day before yesterday and did not
get a cap to wear instead!" A curse rose from the bottom of his
soul.
Glancing out of the corner of his eye into a shop,
he saw by a clock on the wall that it was ten minutes past seven. He had
to make haste and at the same time to go someway round, so as to
approach the house from the other side....
When he had happened to imagine all this
beforehand, he had sometimes thought that he would be very much afraid.
But he was not very much afraid now, was not afraid at all, indeed. His
mind was even occupied by irrelevant matters, but by nothing for long.
As he passed the Yusupov garden, he was deeply absorbed in considering
the building of great fountains, and of their refreshing effect on the
atmosphere in all the squares. By degrees he passed to the conviction
that if the summer garden were extended to the field of Mars, and
perhaps joined to the garden of the Mihailovsky Palace, it would be a
splendid thing and a great benefit to the town. Then he was interested
by the question why in all great towns men are not simply driven by
necessity, but in some peculiar way inclined to live in those parts of
the town where there are no gardens nor fountains; where there is most
dirt and smell and all sorts of nastiness. Then his own walks through
the Hay Market came back to his mind, and for a moment he waked up to
reality. "What nonsense!" he thought, "better think of
nothing at all!"
"So probably men led to execution clutch
mentally at every object that meets them on the way," flashed
through his mind, but simply flashed, like lightning; he made haste to
dismiss this thought.... And by now he was near; here was the house,
here was the gate. Suddenly a clock somewhere struck once. "What!
can it be half-past seven? Impossible, it must be fast!"
Luckily for him, everything went well again at the
gates. At that very moment, as though expressly for his benefit, a huge
waggon of hay had just driven in at the gate, completely screening him
as he passed under the gateway, and the waggon had scarcely had time to
drive through into the yard, before he had slipped in a flash to the
right. On the other side of the waggon he could hear shouting and
quarrelling; but no one noticed him and no one met him. Many windows
looking into that huge quadrangular yard were open at that moment, but
he did not raise his head—he had not the strength to. The staircase
leading to the old woman's room was close by, just on the right of the
gateway. He was already on the stairs....
Drawing a breath, pressing his hand against his
throbbing heart, and once more feeling for the axe and setting it
straight, he began softly and cautiously ascending the stairs, listening
every minute. But the stairs, too, were quite deserted; all the doors
were shut; he met no one. One flat indeed on the first floor was wide
open and painters were at work in it, but they did not glance at him. He
stood still, thought a minute and went on. "Of course it would be
better if they had not been here, but... it's two storeys above
them."
And there was the fourth storey, here was the
door, here was the flat opposite, the empty one. The flat underneath the
old woman's was apparently empty also; the visiting card nailed on the
door had been torn off—they had gone away!... He was out of breath.
For one instant the thought floated through his mind "Shall I go
back?" But he made no answer and began listening at the old woman's
door, a dead silence. Then he listened again on the staircase, listened
long and intently... then looked about him for the last time, pulled
himself together, drew himself up, and once more tried the axe in the
noose. "Am I very pale?" he wondered. "Am I not evidently
agitated? She is mistrustful.... Had I better wait a little longer...
till my heart leaves off thumping?"
But his heart did not leave off. On the contrary,
as though to spite him, it throbbed more and more violently. He could
stand it no longer, he slowly put out his hand to the bell and rang.
Half a minute later he rang again, more loudly.
No answer. To go on ringing was useless and out of
place. The old woman was, of course, at home, but she was suspicious and
alone. He had some knowledge of her habits... and once more he put his
ear to the door. Either his senses were peculiarly keen (which it is
difficult to suppose), or the sound was really very distinct. Anyway, he
suddenly heard something like the cautious touch of a hand on the lock
and the rustle of a skirt at the very door. Someone was standing
stealthily close to the lock and just as he was doing on the outside was
secretly listening within, and seemed to have her ear to the door.... He
moved a little on purpose and muttered something aloud that he might not
have the appearance of hiding, then rang a third time, but quietly,
soberly, and without impatience, Recalling it afterwards, that moment
stood out in his mind vividly, distinctly, for ever; he could not make
out how he had had such cunning, for his mind was as it were clouded at
moments and he was almost unconscious of his body.... An instant later
he heard the latch unfastened.
CHAPTER VII
The door was as before opened a tiny crack, and
again two sharp and suspicious eyes stared at him out of the darkness.
Then Raskolnikov lost his head and nearly made a great mistake.
Fearing the old woman would be frightened by their
being alone, and not hoping that the sight of him would disarm her
suspicions, he took hold of the door and drew it towards him to prevent
the old woman from attempting to shut it again. Seeing this she did not
pull the door back, but she did not let go the handle so that he almost
dragged her out with it on to the stairs. Seeing that she was standing
in the doorway not allowing him to pass, he advanced straight upon her.
She stepped back in alarm, tried to say something, but seemed unable to
speak and stared with open eyes at him.
"Good evening, Alyona Ivanovna," he
began, trying to speak easily, but his voice would not obey him, it
broke and shook. "I have come... I have brought something... but
we'd better come in... to the light...."
And leaving her, he passed straight into the room
uninvited. The old woman ran after him; her tongue was unloosed.
"Good heavens! What it is? Who is it? What do
you want?"
"Why, Alyona Ivanovna, you know me...
Raskolnikov... here, I brought you the pledge I promised the other
day..." And he held out the pledge.
The old woman glanced for a moment at the pledge,
but at once stared in the eyes of her uninvited visitor. She looked
intently, maliciously and mistrustfully. A minute passed; he even
fancied something like a sneer in her eyes, as though she had already
guessed everything. He felt that he was losing his head, that he was
almost frightened, so frightened that if she were to look like that and
not say a word for another half minute, he thought he would have run
away from her.
"Why do you look at me as though you did not
know me?" he said suddenly, also with malice. "Take it if you
like, if not I'll go elsewhere, I am in a hurry."
He had not even thought of saying this, but it was
suddenly said of itself. The old woman recovered herself, and her
visitor's resolute tone evidently restored her confidence.
"But why, my good sir, all of a minute....
What is it?" she asked, looking at the pledge.
"The silver cigarette case; I spoke of it
last time, you know."
She held out her hand.
"But how pale you are, to be sure... and your
hands are trembling too? Have you been bathing, or what?"
"Fever," he answered abruptly. "You
can't help getting pale... if you've nothing to eat," he added,
with difficulty articulating the words.
His strength was failing him again. But his answer
sounded like the truth; the old woman took the pledge.
"What is it?" she asked once more,
scanning Raskolnikov intently, and weighing the pledge in her hand.
"A thing... cigarette case.... Silver....
Look at it."
"It does not seem somehow like silver.... How
he has wrapped it up!"
Trying to untie the string and turning to the
window, to the light (all her windows were shut, in spite of the
stifling heat), she left him altogether for some seconds and stood with
her back to him. He unbuttoned his coat and freed the axe from the
noose, but did not yet take it out altogether, simply holding it in his
right hand under the coat. His hands were fearfully weak, he felt them
every moment growing more numb and more wooden. He was afraid he would
let the axe slip and fall.... A sudden giddiness came over him.
"But what has he tied it up like this
for?" the old woman cried with vexation and moved towards him.
He had not a minute more to lose. He pulled the
axe quite out, swung it with both arms, scarcely conscious of himself,
and almost without effort, almost mechanically, brought the blunt side
down on her head. He seemed not to use his own strength in this. But as
soon as he had once brought the axe down, his strength returned to him.
The old woman was as always bareheaded. Her thin,
light hair, streaked with grey, thickly smeared with grease, was plaited
in a rat's tail and fastened by a broken horn comb which stood out on
the nape of her neck. As she was so short, the blow fell on the very top
of her skull. She cried out, but very faintly, and suddenly sank all of
a heap on the floor, raising her hands to her head. In one hand she
still held "the pledge." Then he dealt her another and another
blow with the blunt side and on the same spot. The blood gushed as from
an overturned glass, the body fell back. He stepped back, let it fall,
and at once bent over her face; she was dead. Her eyes seemed to be
starting out of their sockets, the brow and the whole face were drawn
and contorted convulsively.
He laid the axe on the ground near the dead body
and felt at once in her pocket (trying to avoid the streaming
body)—the same right-hand pocket from which she had taken the key on
his last visit. He was in full possession of his faculties, free from
confusion or giddiness, but his hands were still trembling. He
remembered afterwards that he had been particularly collected and
careful, trying all the time not to get smeared with blood.... He pulled
out the keys at once, they were all, as before, in one bunch on a steel
ring. He ran at once into the bedroom with them. It was a very small
room with a whole shrine of holy images. Against the other wall stood a
big bed, very clean and covered with a silk patchwork wadded quilt.
Against a third wall was a chest of drawers. Strange to say, so soon as
he began to fit the keys into the chest, so soon as he heard their
jingling, a convulsive shudder passed over him. He suddenly felt tempted
again to give it all up and go away. But that was only for an instant;
it was too late to go back. He positively smiled at himself, when
suddenly another terrifying idea occurred to his mind. He suddenly
fancied that the old woman might be still alive and might recover her
senses. Leaving the keys in the chest, he ran back to the body, snatched
up the axe and lifted it once more over the old woman, but did not bring
it down. There was no doubt that she was dead. Bending down and
examining her again more closely, he saw clearly that the skull was
broken and even battered in on one side. He was about to feel it with
his finger, but drew back his hand and indeed it was evident without
that. Meanwhile there was a perfect pool of blood. All at once he
noticed a string on her neck; he tugged at it, but the string was strong
and did not snap and besides, it was soaked with blood. He tried to pull
it out from the front of the dress, but something held it and prevented
its coming. In his impatience he raised the axe again to cut the string
from above on the body, but did not dare, and with difficulty, smearing
his hand and the axe in the blood, after two minutes' hurried effort, he
cut the string and took it off without touching the body with the axe;
he was not mistaken—it was a purse. On the string were two crosses,
one of Cyprus wood and one of copper, and an image in silver filigree,
and with them a small greasy chamois leather purse with a steel rim and
ring. The purse was stuffed very full; Raskolnikov thrust it in his
pocket without looking at it, flung the crosses on the old woman's body
and rushed back into the bedroom, this time taking the axe with him.
He was in terrible haste, he snatched the keys,
and began trying them again. But he was unsuccessful. They would not fit
in the locks. It was not so much that his hands were shaking, but that
he kept making mistakes; though he saw for instance that a key was not
the right one and would not fit, still he tried to put it in. Suddenly
he remembered and realised that the big key with the deep notches, which
was hanging there with the small keys could not possibly belong to the
chest of drawers (on his last visit this had struck him), but to some
strong box, and that everything perhaps was hidden in that box. He left
the chest of drawers, and at once felt under the bedstead, knowing that
old women usually keep boxes under their beds. And so it was; there was
a good-sized box under the bed, at least a yard in length, with an
arched lid covered with red leather and studded with steel nails. The
notched key fitted at once and unlocked it. At the top, under a white
sheet, was a coat of red brocade lined with hareskin; under it was a
silk dress, then a shawl and it seemed as though there was nothing below
but clothes. The first thing he did was to wipe his blood-stained hands
on the red brocade. "It's red, and on red blood will be less
noticeable," the thought passed through his mind; then he suddenly
came to himself. "Good God, am I going out of my senses?" he
thought with terror.
But no sooner did he touch the clothes than a gold
watch slipped from under the fur coat. He made haste to turn them all
over. There turned out to be various articles made of gold among the
clothes—probably all pledges, unredeemed or waiting to be
redeemed—bracelets, chains, ear-rings, pins and such things. Some were
in cases, others simply wrapped in newspaper, carefully and exactly
folded, and tied round with tape. Without any delay, he began filling up
the pockets of his trousers and overcoat without examining or undoing
the parcels and cases; but he had not time to take many....
He suddenly heard steps in the room where the old
woman lay. He stopped short and was still as death. But all was quiet,
so it must have been his fancy. All at once he heard distinctly a faint
cry, as though someone had uttered a low broken moan. Then again dead
silence for a minute or two. He sat squatting on his heels by the box
and waited holding his breath. Suddenly he jumped up, seized the axe and
ran out of the bedroom.
In the middle of the room stood Lizaveta with a
big bundle in her arms. She was gazing in stupefaction at her murdered
sister, white as a sheet and seeming not to have the strength to cry
out. Seeing him run out of the bedroom, she began faintly quivering all
over, like a leaf, a shudder ran down her face; she lifted her hand,
opened her mouth, but still did not scream. She began slowly backing
away from him into the corner, staring intently, persistently at him,
but still uttered no sound, as though she could not get breath to
scream. He rushed at her with the axe; her mouth twitched piteously, as
one sees babies' mouths, when they begin to be frightened, stare
intently at what frightens them and are on the point of screaming. And
this hapless Lizaveta was so simple and had been so thoroughly crushed
and scared that she did not even raise a hand to guard her face, though
that was the most necessary and natural action at the moment, for the
axe was raised over her face. She only put up her empty left hand, but
not to her face, slowly holding it out before her as though motioning
him away. The axe fell with the sharp edge just on the skull and split
at one blow all the top of the head. She fell heavily at once.
Raskolnikov completely lost his head, snatching up her bundle, dropped
it again and ran into the entry.
Fear gained more and more mastery over him,
especially after this second, quite unexpected murder. He longed to run
away from the place as fast as possible. And if at that moment he had
been capable of seeing and reasoning more correctly, if he had been able
to realise all the difficulties of his position, the hopelessness, the
hideousness and the absurdity of it, if he could have understood how
many obstacles and, perhaps, crimes he had still to overcome or to
commit, to get out of that place and to make his way home, it is very
possible that he would have flung up everything, and would have gone to
give himself up, and not from fear, but from simple horror and loathing
of what he had done. The feeling of loathing especially surged up within
him and grew stronger every minute. He would not now have gone to the
box or even into the room for anything in the world.
But a sort of blankness, even dreaminess, had
begun by degrees to take possession of him; at moments he forgot
himself, or rather, forgot what was of importance, and caught at
trifles. Glancing, however, into the kitchen and seeing a bucket half
full of water on a bench, he bethought him of washing his hands and the
axe. His hands were sticky with blood. He dropped the axe with the blade
in the water, snatched a piece of soap that lay in a broken saucer on
the window, and began washing his hands in the bucket. When they were
clean, he took out the axe, washed the blade and spent a long time,
about three minutes, washing the wood where there were spots of blood
rubbing them with soap. Then he wiped it all with some linen that was
hanging to dry on a line in the kitchen and then he was a long while
attentively examining the axe at the window. There was no trace left on
it, only the wood was still damp. He carefully hung the axe in the noose
under his coat. Then as far as was possible, in the dim light in the
kitchen, he looked over his overcoat, his trousers and his boots. At the
first glance there seemed to be nothing but stains on the boots. He
wetted the rag and rubbed the boots. But he knew he was not looking
thoroughly, that there might be something quite noticeable that he was
overlooking. He stood in the middle of the room, lost in thought. Dark
agonising ideas rose in his mind—the idea that he was mad and that at
that moment he was incapable of reasoning, of protecting himself, that
he ought perhaps to be doing something utterly different from what he
was now doing. "Good God!" he muttered "I must fly,
fly," and he rushed into the entry. But here a shock of terror
awaited him such as he had never known before.
He stood and gazed and could not believe his eyes:
the door, the outer door from the stairs, at which he had not long
before waited and rung, was standing unfastened and at least six inches
open. No lock, no bolt, all the time, all that time! The old woman had
not shut it after him perhaps as a precaution. But, good God! Why, he
had seen Lizaveta afterwards! And how could he, how could he have failed
to reflect that she must have come in somehow! She could not have come
through the wall!
He dashed to the door and fastened the latch.
"But no, the wrong thing again! I must get
away, get away...."
He unfastened the latch, opened the door and began
listening on the staircase.
He listened a long time. Somewhere far away, it
might be in the gateway, two voices were loudly and shrilly shouting,
quarrelling and scolding. "What are they about?" He waited
patiently. At last all was still, as though suddenly cut off; they had
separated. He was meaning to go out, but suddenly, on the floor below, a
door was noisily opened and someone began going downstairs humming a
tune. "How is it they all make such a noise?" flashed through
his mind. Once more he closed the door and waited. At last all was
still, not a soul stirring. He was just taking a step towards the stairs
when he heard fresh footsteps.
The steps sounded very far off, at the very bottom
of the stairs, but he remembered quite clearly and distinctly that from
the first sound he began for some reason to suspect that this was
someone coming there, to the fourth floor, to the old woman. Why?
Were the sounds somehow peculiar, significant? The steps were heavy,
even and unhurried. Now he had passed the first floor, now he was
mounting higher, it was growing more and more distinct! He could hear
his heavy breathing. And now the third storey had been reached. Coming
here! And it seemed to him all at once that he was turned to stone, that
it was like a dream in which one is being pursued, nearly caught and
will be killed, and is rooted to the spot and cannot even move one's
arms.
At last when the unknown was mounting to the
fourth floor, he suddenly started, and succeeded in slipping neatly and
quickly back into the flat and closing the door behind him. Then he took
the hook and softly, noiselessly, fixed it in the catch. Instinct helped
him. When he had done this, he crouched holding his breath, by the door.
The unknown visitor was by now also at the door. They were now standing
opposite one another, as he had just before been standing with the old
woman, when the door divided them and he was listening.
The visitor panted several times. "He must be
a big, fat man," thought Raskolnikov, squeezing the axe in his
hand. It seemed like a dream indeed. The visitor took hold of the bell
and rang it loudly.
As soon as the tin bell tinkled, Raskolnikov
seemed to be aware of something moving in the room. For some seconds he
listened quite seriously. The unknown rang again, waited and suddenly
tugged violently and impatiently at the handle of the door. Raskolnikov
gazed in horror at the hook shaking in its fastening, and in blank
terror expected every minute that the fastening would be pulled out. It
certainly did seem possible, so violently was he shaking it. He was
tempted to hold the fastening, but he might be aware of it. A
giddiness came over him again. "I shall fall down!" flashed
through his mind, but the unknown began to speak and he recovered
himself at once.
"What's up? Are they asleep or murdered?
D-damn them!" he bawled in a thick voice, "Hey, Alyona
Ivanovna, old witch! Lizaveta Ivanovna, hey, my beauty! open the door!
Oh, damn them! Are they asleep or what?"
And again, enraged, he tugged with all his might a
dozen times at the bell. He must certainly be a man of authority and an
intimate acquaintance.
At this moment light hurried steps were heard not
far off, on the stairs. Someone else was approaching. Raskolnikov had
not heard them at first.
"You don't say there's no one at home,"
the new-comer cried in a cheerful, ringing voice, addressing the first
visitor, who still went on pulling the bell. "Good evening,
Koch."
"From his voice he must be quite young,"
thought Raskolnikov.
"Who the devil can tell? I've almost broken
the lock," answered Koch. "But how do you come to know me?
"Why! The day before yesterday I beat you
three times running at billiards at Gambrinus'."
"Oh!"
"So they are not at home? That's queer. It's
awfully stupid though. Where could the old woman have gone? I've come on
business."
"Yes; and I have business with her,
too."
"Well, what can we do? Go back, I suppose,
Aie—aie! And I was hoping to get some money!" cried the young
man.
"We must give it up, of course, but what did
she fix this time for? The old witch fixed the time for me to come
herself. It's out of my way. And where the devil she can have got to, I
can't make out. She sits here from year's end to year's end, the old
hag; her legs are bad and yet here all of a sudden she is out for a
walk!"
"Hadn't we better ask the porter?"
"What?"
"Where she's gone and when she'll be
back."
"Hm.... Damn it all!... We might ask.... But
you know she never does go anywhere."
And he once more tugged at the door-handle.
"Damn it all. There's nothing to be done, we
must go!"
"Stay!" cried the young man suddenly.
"Do you see how the door shakes if you pull it?"
"Well?"
"That shows it's not locked, but fastened
with the hook! Do you hear how the hook clanks?"
"Well?"
"Why, don't you see? That proves that one of
them is at home. If they were all out, they would have locked the door
from the outside with the key and not with the hook from inside. There,
do you hear how the hook is clanking? To fasten the hook on the inside
they must be at home, don't you see. So there they are sitting inside
and don't open the door!"
"Well! And so they must be!" cried Koch,
astonished. "What are they about in there?" And he began
furiously shaking the door.
"Stay!" cried the young man again.
"Don't pull at it! There must be something wrong.... Here, you've
been ringing and pulling at the door and still they don't open! So
either they've both fainted or..."
"What?"
"I tell you what. Let's go fetch the porter,
let him wake them up."
"All right."
Both were going down.
"Stay. You stop here while I run down for the
porter."
"What for?"
"Well, you'd better."
"All right."
"I'm studying the law you see! It's evident,
e-vi-dent there's something wrong here!" the young man cried hotly,
and he ran downstairs.
Koch remained. Once more he softly touched the
bell which gave one tinkle, then gently, as though reflecting and
looking about him, began touching the door-handle pulling it and letting
it go to make sure once more that it was only fastened by the hook. Then
puffing and panting he bent down and began looking at the keyhole: but
the key was in the lock on the inside and so nothing could be seen.
Raskolnikov stood keeping tight hold of the axe.
He was in a sort of delirium. He was even making ready to fight when
they should come in. While they were knocking and talking together, the
idea several times occurred to him to end it all at once and shout to
them through the door. Now and then he was tempted to swear at them, to
jeer at them, while they could not open the door! "Only make
haste!" was the thought that flashed through his mind.
"But what the devil is he about?..."
Time was passing, one minute, and another—no one came. Koch began to
be restless.
"What the devil?" he cried suddenly and
in impatience deserting his sentry duty, he, too, went down, hurrying
and thumping with his heavy boots on the stairs. The steps died away.
"Good heavens! What am I to do?"
Raskolnikov unfastened the hook, opened the
door—there was no sound. Abruptly, without any thought at all, he went
out, closing the door as thoroughly as he could, and went downstairs.
He had gone down three flights when he suddenly
heard a loud voice below—where could he go! There was nowhere to hide.
He was just going back to the flat.
"Hey there! Catch the brute!"
Somebody dashed out of a flat below, shouting, and
rather fell than ran down the stairs, bawling at the top of his voice.
"Mitka! Mitka! Mitka! Mitka! Mitka! Blast
him!"
The shout ended in a shriek; the last sounds came
from the yard; all was still. But at the same instant several men
talking loud and fast began noisily mounting the stairs. There were
three or four of them. He distinguished the ringing voice of the young
man. "They!"
Filled with despair he went straight to meet them,
feeling "come what must!" If they stopped him—all was lost;
if they let him pass—all was lost too; they would remember him. They
were approaching; they were only a flight from him—and suddenly
deliverance! A few steps from him on the right, there was an empty flat
with the door wide open, the flat on the second floor where the painters
had been at work, and which, as though for his benefit, they had just
left. It was they, no doubt, who had just run down, shouting. The floor
had only just been painted, in the middle of the room stood a pail and a
broken pot with paint and brushes. In one instant he had whisked in at
the open door and hidden behind the wall and only in the nick of time;
they had already reached the landing. Then they turned and went on up to
the fourth floor, talking loudly. He waited, went out on tiptoe and ran
down the stairs.
No one was on the stairs, nor in the gateway. He
passed quickly through the gateway and turned to the left in the street.
He knew, he knew perfectly well that at that
moment they were at the flat, that they were greatly astonished at
finding it unlocked, as the door had just been fastened, that by now
they were looking at the bodies, that before another minute had passed
they would guess and completely realise that the murderer had just been
there, and had succeeded in hiding somewhere, slipping by them and
escaping. They would guess most likely that he had been in the empty
flat, while they were going upstairs. And meanwhile he dared not quicken
his pace much, though the next turning was still nearly a hundred yards
away. "Should he slip through some gateway and wait somewhere in an
unknown street? No, hopeless! Should he fling away the axe? Should he
take a cab? Hopeless, hopeless!"
At last he reached the turning. He turned down it
more dead than alive. Here he was half way to safety, and he understood
it; it was less risky because there was a great crowd of people, and he
was lost in it like a grain of sand. But all he had suffered had so
weakened him that he could scarcely move. Perspiration ran down him in
drops, his neck was all wet. "My word, he has been going it!"
someone shouted at him when he came out on the canal bank.
He was only dimly conscious of himself now, and
the farther he went the worse it was. He remembered however, that on
coming out on to the canal bank, he was alarmed at finding few people
there and so being more conspicuous, and he had thought of turning back.
Though he was almost falling from fatigue, he went a long way round so
as to get home from quite a different direction.
He was not fully conscious when he passed through
the gateway of his house! he was already on the staircase before he
recollected the axe. And yet he had a very grave problem before him, to
put it back and to escape observation as far as possible in doing so. He
was of course incapable of reflecting that it might perhaps be far
better not to restore the axe at all, but to drop it later on in
somebody's yard. But it all happened fortunately, the door of the
porter's room was closed but not locked, so that it seemed most likely
that the porter was at home. But he had so completely lost all power of
reflection that he walked straight to the door and opened it. If the
porter had asked him, "What do you want?" he would perhaps
have simply handed him the axe. But again the porter was not at home,
and he succeeded in putting the axe back under the bench, and even
covering it with the chunk of wood as before. He met no one, not a soul,
afterwards on the way to his room; the landlady's door was shut. When he
was in his room, he flung himself on the sofa just as he was—he did
not sleep, but sank into blank forgetfulness. If anyone had come into
his room then, he would have jumped up at once and screamed. Scraps and
shreds of thoughts were simply swarming in his brain, but he could not
catch at one, he could not rest on one, in spite of all his efforts....
PART II
CHAPTER I
So he lay a very long while. Now and then he
seemed to wake up, and at such moments he noticed that it was far into
the night, but it did not occur to him to get up. At last he noticed
that it was beginning to get light. He was lying on his back, still
dazed from his recent oblivion. Fearful, despairing cries rose shrilly
from the street, sounds which he heard every night, indeed, under his
window after two o'clock. They woke him up now.
"Ah! the drunken men are coming out of the
taverns," he thought, "it's past two o'clock," and at
once he leaped up, as though someone had pulled him from the sofa.
"What! Past two o'clock!"
He sat down on the sofa—and instantly
recollected everything! All at once, in one flash, he recollected
everything.
For the first moment he thought he was going mad.
A dreadful chill came over him; but the chill was from the fever that
had begun long before in his sleep. Now he was suddenly taken with
violent shivering, so that his teeth chattered and all his limbs were
shaking. He opened the door and began listening—everything in the
house was asleep. With amazement he gazed at himself and everything in
the room around him, wondering how he could have come in the night
before without fastening the door, and have flung himself on the sofa
without undressing, without even taking his hat off. It had fallen off
and was lying on the floor near his pillow.
"If anyone had come in, what would he have
thought? That I'm drunk but..."
He rushed to the window. There was light enough,
and he began hurriedly looking himself all over from head to foot, all
his clothes; were there no traces? But there was no doing it like that;
shivering with cold, he began taking off everything and looking over
again. He turned everything over to the last threads and rags, and
mistrusting himself, went through his search three times.
But there seemed to be nothing, no trace, except
in one place, where some thick drops of congealed blood were clinging to
the frayed edge of his trousers. He picked up a big claspknife and cut
off the frayed threads. There seemed to be nothing more.
Suddenly he remembered that the purse and the
things he had taken out of the old woman's box were still in his
pockets! He had not thought till then of taking them out and hiding
them! He had not even thought of them while he was examining his
clothes! What next? Instantly he rushed to take them out and fling them
on the table. When he had pulled out everything, and turned the pocket
inside out to be sure there was nothing left, he carried the whole heap
to the corner. The paper had come off the bottom of the wall and hung
there in tatters. He began stuffing all the things into the hole under
the paper: "They're in! All out of sight, and the purse too!"
he thought gleefully, getting up and gazing blankly at the hole which
bulged out more than ever. Suddenly he shuddered all over with horror;
"My God!" he whispered in despair: "what's the matter
with me? Is that hidden? Is that the way to hide things?"
He had not reckoned on having trinkets to hide. He
had only thought of money, and so had not prepared a hiding-place.
"But now, now, what am I glad of?" he
thought, "Is that hiding things? My reason's deserting
me—simply!"
He sat down on the sofa in exhaustion and was at
once shaken by another unbearable fit of shivering. Mechanically he drew
from a chair beside him his old student's winter coat, which was still
warm though almost in rags, covered himself up with it and once more
sank into drowsiness and delirium. He lost consciousness.
Not more than five minutes had passed when he
jumped up a second time, and at once pounced in a frenzy on his clothes
again.
"How could I go to sleep again with nothing
done? Yes, yes; I have not taken the loop off the armhole! I forgot it,
forgot a thing like that! Such a piece of evidence!"
He pulled off the noose, hurriedly cut it to
pieces and threw the bits among his linen under the pillow.
"Pieces of torn linen couldn't rouse
suspicion, whatever happened; I think not, I think not, any way!"
he repeated, standing in the middle of the room, and with painful
concentration he fell to gazing about him again, at the floor and
everywhere, trying to make sure he had not forgotten anything. The
conviction that all his faculties, even memory, and the simplest power
of reflection were failing him, began to be an insufferable torture.
"Surely it isn't beginning already! Surely it
isn't my punishment coming upon me? It is!"
The frayed rags he had cut off his trousers were
actually lying on the floor in the middle of the room, where anyone
coming in would see them!
"What is the matter with me!" he cried
again, like one distraught.
Then a strange idea entered his head; that,
perhaps, all his clothes were covered with blood, that, perhaps, there
were a great many stains, but that he did not see them, did not notice
them because his perceptions were failing, were going to pieces... his
reason was clouded.... Suddenly he remembered that there had been blood
on the purse too. "Ah! Then there must be blood on the pocket too,
for I put the wet purse in my pocket!"
In a flash he had turned the pocket inside out
and, yes!—there were traces, stains on the lining of the pocket!
"So my reason has not quite deserted me, so I
still have some sense and memory, since I guessed it of myself," he
thought triumphantly, with a deep sigh of relief; "it's simply the
weakness of fever, a moment's delirium," and he tore the whole
lining out of the left pocket of his trousers. At that instant the
sunlight fell on his left boot; on the sock which poked out from the
boot, he fancied there were traces! He flung off his boots; "traces
indeed! The tip of the sock was soaked with blood;" he must have
unwarily stepped into that pool.... "But what am I to do with this
now? Where am I to put the sock and rags and pocket?"
He gathered them all up in his hands and stood in
the middle of the room.
"In the stove? But they would ransack the
stove first of all. Burn them? But what can I burn them with? There are
no matches even. No, better go out and throw it all away somewhere. Yes,
better throw it away," he repeated, sitting down on the sofa again,
"and at once, this minute, without lingering..."
But his head sank on the pillow instead. Again the
unbearable icy shivering came over him; again he drew his coat over him.
And for a long while, for some hours, he was
haunted by the impulse to "go off somewhere at once, this moment,
and fling it all away, so that it may be out of sight and done with, at
once, at once!" Several times he tried to rise from the sofa, but
could not.
He was thoroughly waked up at last by a violent
knocking at his door.
"Open, do, are you dead or alive? He keeps
sleeping here!" shouted Nastasya, banging with her fist on the
door. "For whole days together he's snoring here like a dog! A dog
he is too. Open I tell you. It's past ten."
"Maybe he's not at home," said a man's
voice.
"Ha! that's the porter's voice.... What does
he want?"
He jumped up and sat on the sofa. The beating of
his heart was a positive pain.
"Then who can have latched the door?"
retorted Nastasya. "He's taken to bolting himself in! As if he were
worth stealing! Open, you stupid, wake up!"
"What do they want? Why the porter? All's
discovered. Resist or open? Come what may!..."
He half rose, stooped forward and unlatched the
door.
His room was so small that he could undo the latch
without leaving the bed. Yes; the porter and Nastasya were standing
there.
Nastasya stared at him in a strange way. He
glanced with a defiant and desperate air at the porter, who without a
word held out a grey folded paper sealed with bottle-wax.
"A notice from the office," he
announced, as he gave him the paper.
"From what office?"
"A summons to the police office, of course.
You know which office."
"To the police?... What for?..."
"How can I tell? You're sent for, so you
go."
The man looked at him attentively, looked round
the room and turned to go away.
"He's downright ill!" observed Nastasya,
not taking her eyes off him. The porter turned his head for a moment.
"He's been in a fever since yesterday," she added.
Raskolnikov made no response and held the paper in
his hands, without opening it. "Don't you get up then,"
Nastasya went on compassionately, seeing that he was letting his feet
down from the sofa. "You're ill, and so don't go; there's no such
hurry. What have you got there?"
He looked; in his right hand he held the shreds he
had cut from his trousers, the sock, and the rags of the pocket. So he
had been asleep with them in his hand. Afterwards reflecting upon it, he
remembered that half waking up in his fever, he had grasped all this
tightly in his hand and so fallen asleep again.
"Look at the rags he's collected and sleeps
with them, as though he has got hold of a treasure..."
And Nastasya went off into her hysterical giggle.
Instantly he thrust them all under his great coat
and fixed his eyes intently upon her. Far as he was from being capable
of rational reflection at that moment, he felt that no one would behave
like that with a person who was going to be arrested. "But... the
police?"
"You'd better have some tea! Yes? I'll bring
it, there's some left."
"No... I'm going; I'll go at once," he
muttered, getting on to his feet.
"Why, you'll never get downstairs!"
"Yes, I'll go."
"As you please."
She followed the porter out.
At once he rushed to the light to examine the sock
and the rags.
"There are stains, but not very noticeable;
all covered with dirt, and rubbed and already discoloured. No one who
had no suspicion could distinguish anything. Nastasya from a distance
could not have noticed, thank God!" Then with a tremor he broke the
seal of the notice and began reading; he was a long while reading,
before he understood. It was an ordinary summons from the district
police-station to appear that day at half-past nine at the office of the
district superintendent.
"But when has such a thing happened? I never
have anything to do with the police! And why just to-day?" he
thought in agonising bewilderment. "Good God, only get it over
soon!"
He was flinging himself on his knees to pray, but
broke into laughter—not at the idea of prayer, but at himself.
He began, hurriedly dressing. "If I'm lost, I
am lost, I don't care! Shall I put the sock on?" he suddenly
wondered, "it will get dustier still and the traces will be
gone."
But no sooner had he put it on than he pulled it
off again in loathing and horror. He pulled it off, but reflecting that
he had no other socks, he picked it up and put it on again—and again
he laughed.
"That's all conventional, that's all
relative, merely a way of looking at it," he thought in a flash,
but only on the top surface of his mind, while he was shuddering all
over, "there, I've got it on! I have finished by getting it
on!"
But his laughter was quickly followed by despair.
"No, it's too much for me..." he
thought. His legs shook. "From fear," he muttered. His head
swam and ached with fever. "It's a trick! They want to decoy me
there and confound me over everything," he mused, as he went out on
to the stairs—"the worst of it is I'm almost light-headed... I
may blurt out something stupid..."
On the stairs he remembered that he was leaving
all the things just as they were in the hole in the wall, "and very
likely, it's on purpose to search when I'm out," he thought, and
stopped short. But he was possessed by such despair, such cynicism of
misery, if one may so call it, that with a wave of his hand he went on.
"Only to get it over!"
In the street the heat was insufferable again; not
a drop of rain had fallen all those days. Again dust, bricks and mortar,
again the stench from the shops and pot-houses, again the drunken men,
the Finnish pedlars and half-broken-down cabs. The sun shone straight in
his eyes, so that it hurt him to look out of them, and he felt his head
going round—as a man in a fever is apt to feel when he comes out into
the street on a bright sunny day.
When he reached the turning into the
street, in an agony of trepidation he looked down it... at the
house... and at once averted his eyes.
"If they question me, perhaps I'll simply
tell," he thought, as he drew near the police-station.
The police-station was about a quarter of a mile
off. It had lately been moved to new rooms on the fourth floor of a new
house. He had been once for a moment in the old office but long ago.
Turning in at the gateway, he saw on the right a flight of stairs which
a peasant was mounting with a book in his hand. "A house-porter, no
doubt; so then, the office is here," and he began ascending the
stairs on the chance. He did not want to ask questions of anyone.
"I'll go in, fall on my knees, and confess
everything..." he thought, as he reached the fourth floor.
The staircase was steep, narrow and all sloppy
with dirty water. The kitchens of the flats opened on to the stairs and
stood open almost the whole day. So there was a fearful smell and heat.
The staircase was crowded with porters going up and down with their
books under their arms, policemen, and persons of all sorts and both
sexes. The door of the office, too, stood wide open. Peasants stood
waiting within. There, too, the heat was stifling and there was a
sickening smell of fresh paint and stale oil from the newly decorated
rooms.
After waiting a little, he decided to move forward
into the next room. All the rooms were small and low-pitched. A fearful
impatience drew him on and on. No one paid attention to him. In the
second room some clerks sat writing, dressed hardly better than he was,
and rather a queer-looking set. He went up to one of them.
"What is it?"
He showed the notice he had received.
"You are a student?" the man asked,
glancing at the notice.
"Yes, formerly a student."
The clerk looked at him, but without the slightest
interest. He was a particularly unkempt person with the look of a fixed
idea in his eye.
"There would be no getting anything out of
him, because he has no interest in anything," thought Raskolnikov.
"Go in there to the head clerk," said
the clerk, pointing towards the furthest room.
He went into that room—the fourth in order; it
was a small room and packed full of people, rather better dressed than
in the outer rooms. Among them were two ladies. One, poorly dressed in
mourning, sat at the table opposite the chief clerk, writing something
at his dictation. The other, a very stout, buxom woman with a
purplish-red, blotchy face, excessively smartly dressed with a brooch on
her bosom as big as a saucer, was standing on one side, apparently
waiting for something. Raskolnikov thrust his notice upon the head
clerk. The latter glanced at it, said: "Wait a minute," and
went on attending to the lady in mourning.
He breathed more freely. "It can't be
that!"
By degrees he began to regain confidence, he kept
urging himself to have courage and be calm.
"Some foolishness, some trifling
carelessness, and I may betray myself! Hm... it's a pity there's no air
here," he added, "it's stifling.... It makes one's head
dizzier than ever... and one's mind too..."
He was conscious of a terrible inner turmoil. He
was afraid of losing his self-control; he tried to catch at something
and fix his mind on it, something quite irrelevant, but he could not
succeed in this at all. Yet the head clerk greatly interested him, he
kept hoping to see through him and guess something from his face.
He was a very young man, about two and twenty,
with a dark mobile face that looked older than his years. He was
fashionably dressed and foppish, with his hair parted in the middle,
well combed and pomaded, and wore a number of rings on his well-scrubbed
fingers and a gold chain on his waistcoat. He said a couple of words in
French to a foreigner who was in the room, and said them fairly
correctly.
"Luise Ivanovna, you can sit down," he
said casually to the gaily-dressed, purple-faced lady, who was still
standing as though not venturing to sit down, though there was a chair
beside her.
"Ich danke," said the latter, and
softly, with a rustle of silk she sank into the chair. Her light blue
dress trimmed with white lace floated about the table like an
air-balloon and filled almost half the room. She smelt of scent. But she
was obviously embarrassed at filling half the room and smelling so
strongly of scent; and though her smile was impudent as well as
cringing, it betrayed evident uneasiness.
The lady in mourning had done at last, and got up.
All at once, with some noise, an officer walked in very jauntily, with a
peculiar swing of his shoulders at each step. He tossed his cockaded cap
on the table and sat down in an easy-chair. The small lady positively
skipped from her seat on seeing him, and fell to curtsying in a sort of
ecstasy; but the officer took not the smallest notice of her, and she
did not venture to sit down again in his presence. He was the assistant
superintendent. He had a reddish moustache that stood out horizontally
on each side of his face, and extremely small features, expressive of
nothing much except a certain insolence. He looked askance and rather
indignantly at Raskolnikov; he was so very badly dressed, and in spite
of his humiliating position, his bearing was by no means in keeping with
his clothes. Raskolnikov had unwarily fixed a very long and direct look
on him, so that he felt positively affronted.
"What do you want?" he shouted,
apparently astonished that such a ragged fellow was not annihilated by
the majesty of his glance.
"I was summoned... by a notice..."
Raskolnikov faltered.
"For the recovery of money due, from the
student," the head clerk interfered hurriedly, tearing himself
from his papers. "Here!" and he flung Raskolnikov a document
and pointed out the place. "Read that!"
"Money? What money?" thought Raskolnikov,
"but... then... it's certainly not that."
And he trembled with joy. He felt sudden intense
indescribable relief. A load was lifted from his back.
"And pray, what time were you directed to
appear, sir?" shouted the assistant superintendent, seeming for
some unknown reason more and more aggrieved. "You are told to come
at nine, and now it's twelve!"
"The notice was only brought me a quarter of
an hour ago," Raskolnikov answered loudly over his shoulder. To his
own surprise he, too, grew suddenly angry and found a certain pleasure
in it. "And it's enough that I have come here ill with fever."
"Kindly refrain from shouting!"
"I'm not shouting, I'm speaking very quietly,
it's you who are shouting at me. I'm a student, and allow no one to
shout at me."
The assistant superintendent was so furious that
for the first minute he could only splutter inarticulately. He leaped up
from his seat.
"Be silent! You are in a government office.
Don't be impudent, sir!"
"You're in a government office, too,"
cried Raskolnikov, "and you're smoking a cigarette as well as
shouting, so you are showing disrespect to all of us."
He felt an indescribable satisfaction at having
said this.
The head clerk looked at him with a smile. The
angry assistant superintendent was obviously disconcerted.
"That's not your business!" he shouted
at last with unnatural loudness. "Kindly make the declaration
demanded of you. Show him. Alexandr Grigorievitch. There is a complaint
against you! You don't pay your debts! You're a fine bird!"
But Raskolnikov was not listening now; he had
eagerly clutched at the paper, in haste to find an explanation. He read
it once, and a second time, and still did not understand.
"What is this?" he asked the head clerk.
"It is for the recovery of money on an I O U,
a writ. You must either pay it, with all expenses, costs and so on, or
give a written declaration when you can pay it, and at the same time an
undertaking not to leave the capital without payment, and nor to sell or
conceal your property. The creditor is at liberty to sell your property,
and proceed against you according to the law."
"But I... am not in debt to anyone!"
"That's not our business. Here, an I O U for
a hundred and fifteen roubles, legally attested, and due for payment,
has been brought us for recovery, given by you to the widow of the
assessor Zarnitsyn, nine months ago, and paid over by the widow
Zarnitsyn to one Mr. Tchebarov. We therefore summon you, hereupon."
"But she is my landlady!"
"And what if she is your landlady?"
The head clerk looked at him with a condescending
smile of compassion, and at the same time with a certain triumph, as at
a novice under fire for the first time—as though he would say:
"Well, how do you feel now?" But what did he care now for an I
O U, for a writ of recovery! Was that worth worrying about now, was it
worth attention even! He stood, he read, he listened, he answered, he
even asked questions himself, but all mechanically. The triumphant sense
of security, of deliverance from overwhelming danger, that was what
filled his whole soul that moment without thought for the future,
without analysis, without suppositions or surmises, without doubts and
without questioning. It was an instant of full, direct, purely
instinctive joy. But at that very moment something like a thunderstorm
took place in the office. The assistant superintendent, still shaken by
Raskolnikov's disrespect, still fuming and obviously anxious to keep up
his wounded dignity, pounced on the unfortunate smart lady, who had been
gazing at him ever since he came in with an exceedingly silly smile.
"You shameful hussy!" he shouted
suddenly at the top of his voice. (The lady in mourning had left the
office.) "What was going on at your house last night? Eh! A
disgrace again, you're a scandal to the whole street. Fighting and
drinking again. Do you want the house of correction? Why, I have warned
you ten times over that I would not let you off the eleventh! And here
you are again, again, you... you...!"
The paper fell out of Raskolnikov's hands, and he
looked wildly at the smart lady who was so unceremoniously treated. But
he soon saw what it meant, and at once began to find positive amusement
in the scandal. He listened with pleasure, so that he longed to laugh
and laugh... all his nerves were on edge.
"Ilya Petrovitch!" the head clerk was
beginning anxiously, but stopped short, for he knew from experience that
the enraged assistant could not be stopped except by force.
As for the smart lady, at first she positively
trembled before the storm. But, strange to say, the more numerous and
violent the terms of abuse became, the more amiable she looked, and the
more seductive the smiles she lavished on the terrible assistant. She
moved uneasily, and curtsied incessantly, waiting impatiently for a
chance of putting in her word: and at last she found it.
"There was no sort of noise or fighting in my
house, Mr. Captain," she pattered all at once, like peas dropping,
speaking Russian confidently, though with a strong German accent,
"and no sort of scandal, and his honour came drunk, and it's the
whole truth I am telling, Mr. Captain, and I am not to blame.... Mine is
an honourable house, Mr. Captain, and honourable behaviour, Mr. Captain,
and I always, always dislike any scandal myself. But he came quite
tipsy, and asked for three bottles again, and then he lifted up one leg,
and began playing the pianoforte with one foot, and that is not at all
right in an honourable house, and he ganz broke the piano, and it
was very bad manners indeed and I said so. And he took up a bottle and
began hitting everyone with it. And then I called the porter, and Karl
came, and he took Karl and hit him in the eye; and he hit Henriette in
the eye, too, and gave me five slaps on the cheek. And it was so
ungentlemanly in an honourable house, Mr. Captain, and I screamed. And
he opened the window over the canal, and stood in the window, squealing
like a little pig; it was a disgrace. The idea of squealing like a
little pig at the window into the street! Fie upon him! And Karl pulled
him away from the window by his coat, and it is true, Mr. Captain, he
tore sein rock. And then he shouted that man muss pay him
fifteen roubles damages. And I did pay him, Mr. Captain, five roubles
for sein rock. And he is an ungentlemanly visitor and caused all
the scandal. 'I will show you up,' he said, 'for I can write to all the
papers about you.'"
"Then he was an author?"
"Yes, Mr. Captain, and what an ungentlemanly
visitor in an honourable house...."
"Now then! Enough! I have told you
already..."
"Ilya Petrovitch!" the head clerk
repeated significantly.
The assistant glanced rapidly at him; the head
clerk slightly shook his head.
"... So I tell you this, most respectable
Luise Ivanovna, and I tell it you for the last time," the assistant
went on. "If there is a scandal in your honourable house once
again, I will put you yourself in the lock-up, as it is called in polite
society. Do you hear? So a literary man, an author took five roubles for
his coat-tail in an 'honourable house'? A nice set, these authors!"
And he cast a contemptuous glance at Raskolnikov.
"There was a scandal the other day in a restaurant, too. An author
had eaten his dinner and would not pay; 'I'll write a satire on you,'
says he. And there was another of them on a steamer last week used the
most disgraceful language to the respectable family of a civil
councillor, his wife and daughter. And there was one of them turned out
of a confectioner's shop the other day. They are like that, authors,
literary men, students, town-criers.... Pfoo! You get along! I shall
look in upon you myself one day. Then you had better be careful! Do you
hear?"
With hurried deference, Luise Ivanovna fell to
curtsying in all directions, and so curtsied herself to the door. But at
the door, she stumbled backwards against a good-looking officer with a
fresh, open face and splendid thick fair whiskers. This was the
superintendent of the district himself, Nikodim Fomitch. Luise Ivanovna
made haste to curtsy almost to the ground, and with mincing little
steps, she fluttered out of the office.
"Again thunder and lightning—a
hurricane!" said Nikodim Fomitch to Ilya Petrovitch in a civil and
friendly tone. "You are aroused again, you are fuming again! I
heard it on the stairs!"
"Well, what then!" Ilya Petrovitch
drawled with gentlemanly nonchalance; and he walked with some papers to
another table, with a jaunty swing of his shoulders at each step.
"Here, if you will kindly look: an author, or a student, has been
one at least, does not pay his debts, has given an I O U, won't clear
out of his room, and complaints are constantly being lodged against him,
and here he has been pleased to make a protest against my smoking in his
presence! He behaves like a cad himself, and just look at him, please.
Here's the gentleman, and very attractive he is!"
"Poverty is not a vice, my friend, but we
know you go off like powder, you can't bear a slight, I daresay you took
offence at something and went too far yourself," continued Nikodim
Fomitch, turning affably to Raskolnikov. "But you were wrong there;
he is a capital fellow, I assure you, but explosive, explosive! He gets
hot, fires up, boils over, and no stopping him! And then it's all over!
And at the bottom he's a heart of gold! His nickname in the regiment was
the Explosive Lieutenant...."
"And what a regiment it was, too," cried
Ilya Petrovitch, much gratified at this agreeable banter, though still
sulky.
Raskolnikov had a sudden desire to say something
exceptionally pleasant to them all. "Excuse me, Captain," he
began easily, suddenly addressing Nikodim Fomitch, "will you enter
into my position?... I am ready to ask pardon, if I have been
ill-mannered. I am a poor student, sick and shattered (shattered was the
word he used) by poverty. I am not studying, because I cannot keep
myself now, but I shall get money.... I have a mother and sister in the
province of X. They will send it to me, and I will pay. My landlady is a
good-hearted woman, but she is so exasperated at my having lost my
lessons, and not paying her for the last four months, that she does not
even send up my dinner... and I don't understand this I O U at all. She
is asking me to pay her on this I O U. How am I to pay her? Judge for
yourselves!..."
"But that is not our business, you
know," the head clerk was observing.
"Yes, yes. I perfectly agree with you. But
allow me to explain..." Raskolnikov put in again, still addressing
Nikodim Fomitch, but trying his best to address Ilya Petrovitch also,
though the latter persistently appeared to be rummaging among his papers
and to be contemptuously oblivious of him. "Allow me to explain
that I have been living with her for nearly three years and at first...
at first... for why should I not confess it, at the very beginning I
promised to marry her daughter, it was a verbal promise, freely given...
she was a girl... indeed, I liked her, though I was not in love with
her... a youthful affair in fact... that is, I mean to say, that my
landlady gave me credit freely in those days, and I led a life of... I
was very heedless..."
"Nobody asks you for these personal details,
sir, we've no time to waste," Ilya Petrovitch interposed roughly
and with a note of triumph; but Raskolnikov stopped him hotly, though he
suddenly found it exceedingly difficult to speak.
"But excuse me, excuse me. It is for me to
explain... how it all happened... In my turn... though I agree with
you... it is unnecessary. But a year ago, the girl died of typhus. I
remained lodging there as before, and when my landlady moved into her
present quarters, she said to me... and in a friendly way... that she
had complete trust in me, but still, would I not give her an I O U for
one hundred and fifteen roubles, all the debt I owed her. She said if
only I gave her that, she would trust me again, as much as I liked, and
that she would never, never—those were her own words—make use of
that I O U till I could pay of myself... and now, when I have lost my
lessons and have nothing to eat, she takes action against me. What am I
to say to that?"
"All these affecting details are no business
of ours." Ilya Petrovitch interrupted rudely. "You must give a
written undertaking but as for your love affairs and all these tragic
events, we have nothing to do with that."
"Come now... you are harsh," muttered
Nikodim Fomitch, sitting down at the table and also beginning to write.
He looked a little ashamed.
"Write!" said the head clerk to
Raskolnikov.
"Write what?" the latter asked, gruffly.
"I will dictate to you."
Raskolnikov fancied that the head clerk treated
him more casually and contemptuously after his speech, but strange to
say he suddenly felt completely indifferent to anyone's opinion, and
this revulsion took place in a flash, in one instant. If he had cared to
think a little, he would have been amazed indeed that he could have
talked to them like that a minute before, forcing his feelings upon
them. And where had those feelings come from? Now if the whole room had
been filled, not with police officers, but with those nearest and
dearest to him, he would not have found one human word for them, so
empty was his heart. A gloomy sensation of agonising, everlasting
solitude and remoteness, took conscious form in his soul. It was not the
meanness of his sentimental effusions before Ilya Petrovitch, nor the
meanness of the latter's triumph over him that had caused this sudden
revulsion in his heart. Oh, what had he to do now with his own baseness,
with all these petty vanities, officers, German women, debts,
police-offices? If he had been sentenced to be burnt at that moment, he
would not have stirred, would hardly have heard the sentence to the end.
Something was happening to him entirely new, sudden and unknown. It was
not that he understood, but he felt clearly with all the intensity of
sensation that he could never more appeal to these people in the
police-office with sentimental effusions like his recent outburst, or
with anything whatever; and that if they had been his own brothers and
sisters and not police-officers, it would have been utterly out of the
question to appeal to them in any circumstance of life. He had never
experienced such a strange and awful sensation. And what was most
agonising—it was more a sensation than a conception or idea, a direct
sensation, the most agonising of all the sensations he had known in his
life.
The head clerk began dictating to him the usual
form of declaration, that he could not pay, that he undertook to do so
at a future date, that he would not leave the town, nor sell his
property, and so on.
"But you can't write, you can hardly hold the
pen," observed the head clerk, looking with curiosity at
Raskolnikov. "Are you ill?"
"Yes, I am giddy. Go on!"
"That's all. Sign it."
The head clerk took the paper, and turned to
attend to others.
Raskolnikov gave back the pen; but instead of
getting up and going away, he put his elbows on the table and pressed
his head in his hands. He felt as if a nail were being driven into his
skull. A strange idea suddenly occurred to him, to get up at once, to go
up to Nikodim Fomitch, and tell him everything that had happened
yesterday, and then to go with him to his lodgings and to show him the
things in the hole in the corner. The impulse was so strong that he got
up from his seat to carry it out. "Hadn't I better think a
minute?" flashed through his mind. "No, better cast off the
burden without thinking." But all at once he stood still, rooted to
the spot. Nikodim Fomitch was talking eagerly with Ilya Petrovitch, and
the words reached him:
"It's impossible, they'll both be released.
To begin with, the whole story contradicts itself. Why should they have
called the porter, if it had been their doing? To inform against
themselves? Or as a blind? No, that would be too cunning! Besides,
Pestryakov, the student, was seen at the gate by both the porters and a
woman as he went in. He was walking with three friends, who left him
only at the gate, and he asked the porters to direct him, in the
presence of the friends. Now, would he have asked his way if he had been
going with such an object? As for Koch, he spent half an hour at the
silversmith's below, before he went up to the old woman and he left him
at exactly a quarter to eight. Now just consider..."
"But excuse me, how do you explain this
contradiction? They state themselves that they knocked and the door was
locked; yet three minutes later when they went up with the porter, it
turned out the door was unfastened."
"That's just it; the murderer must have been
there and bolted himself in; and they'd have caught him for a certainty
if Koch had not been an ass and gone to look for the porter too. He
must have seized the interval to get downstairs and slip by them
somehow. Koch keeps crossing himself and saying: 'If I had been there,
he would have jumped out and killed me with his axe.' He is going to
have a thanksgiving service—ha, ha!"
"And no one saw the murderer?"
"They might well not see him; the house is a
regular Noah's Ark," said the head clerk, who was listening.
"It's clear, quite clear," Nikodim
Fomitch repeated warmly.
"No, it is anything but clear," Ilya
Petrovitch maintained.
Raskolnikov picked up his hat and walked towards
the door, but he did not reach it....
When he recovered consciousness, he found himself
sitting in a chair, supported by someone on the right side, while
someone else was standing on the left, holding a yellowish glass filled
with yellow water, and Nikodim Fomitch standing before him, looking
intently at him. He got up from the chair.
"What's this? Are you ill?" Nikodim
Fomitch asked, rather sharply.
"He could hardly hold his pen when he was
signing," said the head clerk, settling back in his place, and
taking up his work again.
"Have you been ill long?" cried Ilya
Petrovitch from his place, where he, too, was looking through papers. He
had, of course, come to look at the sick man when he fainted, but
retired at once when he recovered.
"Since yesterday," muttered Raskolnikov
in reply.
"Did you go out yesterday?"
"Yes."
"Though you were ill?"
"Yes."
"At what time?"
"About seven."
"And where did you go, my I ask?"
"Along the street."
"Short and clear."
Raskolnikov, white as a handkerchief, had answered
sharply, jerkily, without dropping his black feverish eyes before Ilya
Petrovitch's stare.
"He can scarcely stand upright. And
you..." Nikodim Fomitch was beginning.
"No matter," Ilya Petrovitch pronounced
rather peculiarly.
Nikodim Fomitch would have made some further
protest, but glancing at the head clerk who was looking very hard at
him, he did not speak. There was a sudden silence. It was strange.
"Very well, then," concluded Ilya
Petrovitch, "we will not detain you."
Raskolnikov went out. He caught the sound of eager
conversation on his departure, and above the rest rose the questioning
voice of Nikodim Fomitch. In the street, his faintness passed off
completely.
"A search—there will be a search at
once," he repeated to himself, hurrying home. "The brutes!
they suspect."
His former terror mastered him completely again.
CHAPTER II
"And what if there has been a search already?
What if I find them in my room?"
But here was his room. Nothing and no one in it.
No one had peeped in. Even Nastasya had not touched it. But heavens! how
could he have left all those things in the hole?
He rushed to the corner, slipped his hand under
the paper, pulled the things out and lined his pockets with them. There
were eight articles in all: two little boxes with ear-rings or something
of the sort, he hardly looked to see; then four small leather cases.
There was a chain, too, merely wrapped in newspaper and something else
in newspaper, that looked like a decoration.... He put them all in the
different pockets of his overcoat, and the remaining pocket of his
trousers, trying to conceal them as much as possible. He took the purse,
too. Then he went out of his room, leaving the door open. He walked
quickly and resolutely, and though he felt shattered, he had his senses
about him. He was afraid of pursuit, he was afraid that in another
half-hour, another quarter of an hour perhaps, instructions would be
issued for his pursuit, and so at all costs, he must hide all traces
before then. He must clear everything up while he still had some
strength, some reasoning power left him.... Where was he to go?
That had long been settled: "Fling them into
the canal, and all traces hidden in the water, the thing would be at an
end." So he had decided in the night of his delirium when several
times he had had the impulse to get up and go away, to make haste, and
get rid of it all. But to get rid of it, turned out to be a very
difficult task. He wandered along the bank of the Ekaterininsky Canal
for half an hour or more and looked several times at the steps running
down to the water, but he could not think of carrying out his plan;
either rafts stood at the steps' edge, and women were washing clothes on
them, or boats were moored there, and people were swarming everywhere.
Moreover he could be seen and noticed from the banks on all sides; it
would look suspicious for a man to go down on purpose, stop, and throw
something into the water. And what if the boxes were to float instead of
sinking? And of course they would. Even as it was, everyone he met
seemed to stare and look round, as if they had nothing to do but to
watch him. "Why is it, or can it be my fancy?" he thought.
At last the thought struck him that it might be
better to go to the Neva. There were not so many people there, he would
be less observed, and it would be more convenient in every way, above
all it was further off. He wondered how he could have been wandering for
a good half-hour, worried and anxious in this dangerous past without
thinking of it before. And that half-hour he had lost over an irrational
plan, simply because he had thought of it in delirium! He had become
extremely absent and forgetful and he was aware of it. He certainly must
make haste.
He walked towards the Neva along V—— Prospect,
but on the way another idea struck him. "Why to the Neva? Would it
not be better to go somewhere far off, to the Islands again, and there
hide the things in some solitary place, in a wood or under a bush, and
mark the spot perhaps?" And though he felt incapable of clear
judgment, the idea seemed to him a sound one. But he was not destined to
go there. For coming out of V—— Prospect towards the square, he saw
on the left a passage leading between two blank walls to a courtyard. On
the right hand, the blank unwhitewashed wall of a four-storied house
stretched far into the court; on the left, a wooden hoarding ran
parallel with it for twenty paces into the court, and then turned
sharply to the left. Here was a deserted fenced-off place where rubbish
of different sorts was lying. At the end of the court, the corner of a
low, smutty, stone shed, apparently part of some workshop, peeped from
behind the hoarding. It was probably a carriage builder's or carpenter's
shed; the whole place from the entrance was black with coal dust. Here
would be the place to throw it, he thought. Not seeing anyone in the
yard, he slipped in, and at once saw near the gate a sink, such as is
often put in yards where there are many workmen or cab-drivers; and on
the hoarding above had been scribbled in chalk the time-honoured
witticism, "Standing here strictly forbidden." This was all
the better, for there would be nothing suspicious about his going in.
"Here I could throw it all in a heap and get away!"
Looking round once more, with his hand already in
his pocket, he noticed against the outer wall, between the entrance and
the sink, a big unhewn stone, weighing perhaps sixty pounds. The other
side of the wall was a street. He could hear passers-by, always numerous
in that part, but he could not be seen from the entrance, unless someone
came in from the street, which might well happen indeed, so there was
need of haste.
He bent down over the stone, seized the top of it
firmly in both hands, and using all his strength turned it over. Under
the stone was a small hollow in the ground, and he immediately emptied
his pocket into it. The purse lay at the top, and yet the hollow was not
filled up. Then he seized the stone again and with one twist turned it
back, so that it was in the same position again, though it stood a very
little higher. But he scraped the earth about it and pressed it at the
edges with his foot. Nothing could be noticed.
Then he went out, and turned into the square.
Again an intense, almost unbearable joy overwhelmed him for an instant,
as it had in the police-office. "I have buried my tracks! And who,
who can think of looking under that stone? It has been lying there most
likely ever since the house was built, and will lie as many years more.
And if it were found, who would think of me? It is all over! No
clue!" And he laughed. Yes, he remembered that he began laughing a
thin, nervous noiseless laugh, and went on laughing all the time he was
crossing the square. But when he reached the K—— Boulevard where two
days before he had come upon that girl, his laughter suddenly ceased.
Other ideas crept into his mind. He felt all at once that it would be
loathsome to pass that seat on which after the girl was gone, he had sat
and pondered, and that it would be hateful, too, to meet that whiskered
policeman to whom he had given the twenty copecks: "Damn him!"
He walked, looking about him angrily and
distractedly. All his ideas now seemed to be circling round some single
point, and he felt that there really was such a point, and that now,
now, he was left facing that point—and for the first time, indeed,
during the last two months.
"Damn it all!" he thought suddenly, in a
fit of ungovernable fury. "If it has begun, then it has begun. Hang
the new life! Good Lord, how stupid it is!... And what lies I told
to-day! How despicably I fawned upon that wretched Ilya Petrovitch! But
that is all folly! What do I care for them all, and my fawning upon
them! It is not that at all! It is not that at all!"
Suddenly he stopped; a new utterly unexpected and
exceedingly simple question perplexed and bitterly confounded him.
"If it all has really been done deliberately
and not idiotically, if I really had a certain and definite object, how
is it I did not even glance into the purse and don't know what I had
there, for which I have undergone these agonies, and have deliberately
undertaken this base, filthy degrading business? And here I wanted at
once to throw into the water the purse together with all the things
which I had not seen either... how's that?"
Yes, that was so, that was all so. Yet he had
known it all before, and it was not a new question for him, even when it
was decided in the night without hesitation and consideration, as though
so it must be, as though it could not possibly be otherwise.... Yes, he
had known it all, and understood it all; it surely had all been settled
even yesterday at the moment when he was bending over the box and
pulling the jewel-cases out of it.... Yes, so it was.
"It is because I am very ill," he
decided grimly at last, "I have been worrying and fretting myself,
and I don't know what I am doing.... Yesterday and the day before
yesterday and all this time I have been worrying myself.... I shall get
well and I shall not worry.... But what if I don't get well at all? Good
God, how sick I am of it all!"
He walked on without resting. He had a terrible
longing for some distraction, but he did not know what to do, what to
attempt. A new overwhelming sensation was gaining more and more mastery
over him every moment; this was an immeasurable, almost physical,
repulsion for everything surrounding him, an obstinate, malignant
feeling of hatred. All who met him were loathsome to him—he loathed
their faces, their movements, their gestures. If anyone had addressed
him, he felt that he might have spat at him or bitten him....
He stopped suddenly, on coming out on the bank of
the Little Neva, near the bridge to Vassilyevsky Ostrov. "Why, he
lives here, in that house," he thought, "why, I have not come
to Razumihin of my own accord! Here it's the same thing over again....
Very interesting to know, though; have I come on purpose or have I
simply walked here by chance? Never mind, I said the day before
yesterday that I would go and see him the day after; well, and so
I will! Besides I really cannot go further now."
He went up to Razumihin's room on the fifth floor.
The latter was at home in his garret, busily
writing at the moment, and he opened the door himself. It was four
months since they had seen each other. Razumihin was sitting in a ragged
dressing-gown, with slippers on his bare feet, unkempt, unshaven and
unwashed. His face showed surprise.
"Is it you?" he cried. He looked his
comrade up and down; then after a brief pause, he whistled. "As
hard up as all that! Why, brother, you've cut me out!" he added,
looking at Raskolnikov's rags. "Come sit down, you are tired, I'll
be bound."
And when he had sunk down on the American leather
sofa, which was in even worse condition than his own, Razumihin saw at
once that his visitor was ill.
"Why, you are seriously ill, do you know
that?" He began feeling his pulse. Raskolnikov pulled away his
hand.
"Never mind," he said, "I have come
for this: I have no lessons.... I wanted,... but I don't really want
lessons...."
"But I say! You are delirious, you
know!" Razumihin observed, watching him carefully.
"No, I am not."
Raskolnikov got up from the sofa. As he had
mounted the stairs to Razumihin's, he had not realised that he would be
meeting his friend face to face. Now, in a flash, he knew, that what he
was least of all disposed for at that moment was to be face to face with
anyone in the wide world. His spleen rose within him. He almost choked
with rage at himself as soon as he crossed Razumihin's threshold.
"Good-bye," he said abruptly, and walked
to the door.
"Stop, stop! You queer fish."
"I don't want to," said the other, again
pulling away his hand.
"Then why the devil have you come? Are you
mad, or what? Why, this is... almost insulting! I won't let you go like
that."
"Well, then, I came to you because I know no
one but you who could help... to begin... because you are kinder than
anyone—cleverer, I mean, and can judge... and now I see that I want
nothing. Do you hear? Nothing at all... no one's services... no one's
sympathy. I am by myself... alone. Come, that's enough. Leave me
alone."
"Stay a minute, you sweep! You are a perfect
madman. As you like for all I care. I have no lessons, do you see, and I
don't care about that, but there's a bookseller, Heruvimov—and he
takes the place of a lesson. I would not exchange him for five lessons.
He's doing publishing of a kind, and issuing natural science manuals and
what a circulation they have! The very titles are worth the money! You
always maintained that I was a fool, but by Jove, my boy, there are
greater fools than I am! Now he is setting up for being advanced, not
that he has an inkling of anything, but, of course, I encourage him.
Here are two signatures of the German text—in my opinion, the crudest
charlatanism; it discusses the question, 'Is woman a human being?' And,
of course, triumphantly proves that she is. Heruvimov is going to bring
out this work as a contribution to the woman question; I am translating
it; he will expand these two and a half signatures into six, we shall
make up a gorgeous title half a page long and bring it out at half a
rouble. It will do! He pays me six roubles the signature, it works out
to about fifteen roubles for the job, and I've had six already in
advance. When we have finished this, we are going to begin a translation
about whales, and then some of the dullest scandals out of the second
part of Les Confessions we have marked for translation; somebody
has told Heruvimov, that Rousseau was a kind of Radishchev. You may be
sure I don't contradict him, hang him! Well, would you like to do the
second signature of 'Is woman a human being?' If you would, take
the German and pens and paper—all those are provided, and take three
roubles; for as I have had six roubles in advance on the whole thing,
three roubles come to you for your share. And when you have finished the
signature there will be another three roubles for you. And please don't
think I am doing you a service; quite the contrary, as soon as you came
in, I saw how you could help me; to begin with, I am weak in spelling,
and secondly, I am sometimes utterly adrift in German, so that I make it
up as I go along for the most part. The only comfort is, that it's bound
to be a change for the better. Though who can tell, maybe it's sometimes
for the worse. Will you take it?"
Raskolnikov took the German sheets in silence,
took the three roubles and without a word went out. Razumihin gazed
after him in astonishment. But when Raskolnikov was in the next street,
he turned back, mounted the stairs to Razumihin's again and laying on
the table the German article and the three roubles, went out again,
still without uttering a word.
"Are you raving, or what?" Razumihin
shouted, roused to fury at last. "What farce is this? You'll drive
me crazy too... what did you come to see me for, damn you?"
"I don't want... translation," muttered
Raskolnikov from the stairs.
"Then what the devil do you want?"
shouted Razumihin from above. Raskolnikov continued descending the
staircase in silence.
"Hey, there! Where are you living?"
No answer.
"Well, confound you then!"
But Raskolnikov was already stepping into the
street. On the Nikolaevsky Bridge he was roused to full consciousness
again by an unpleasant incident. A coachman, after shouting at him two
or three times, gave him a violent lash on the back with his whip, for
having almost fallen under his horses' hoofs. The lash so infuriated him
that he dashed away to the railing (for some unknown reason he had been
walking in the very middle of the bridge in the traffic). He angrily
clenched and ground his teeth. He heard laughter, of course.
"Serves him right!"
"A pickpocket I dare say."
"Pretending to be drunk, for sure, and
getting under the wheels on purpose; and you have to answer for
him."
"It's a regular profession, that's what it
is."
But while he stood at the railing, still looking
angry and bewildered after the retreating carriage, and rubbing his
back, he suddenly felt someone thrust money into his hand. He looked. It
was an elderly woman in a kerchief and goatskin shoes, with a girl,
probably her daughter wearing a hat, and carrying a green parasol.
"Take it, my good man, in Christ's
name."
He took it and they passed on. It was a piece of
twenty copecks. From his dress and appearance they might well have taken
him for a beggar asking alms in the streets, and the gift of the twenty
copecks he doubtless owed to the blow, which made them feel sorry for
him.
He closed his hand on the twenty copecks, walked
on for ten paces, and turned facing the Neva, looking towards the
palace. The sky was without a cloud and the water was almost bright
blue, which is so rare in the Neva. The cupola of the cathedral, which
is seen at its best from the bridge about twenty paces from the chapel,
glittered in the sunlight, and in the pure air every ornament on it
could be clearly distinguished. The pain from the lash went off, and
Raskolnikov forgot about it; one uneasy and not quite definite idea
occupied him now completely. He stood still, and gazed long and intently
into the distance; this spot was especially familiar to him. When he was
attending the university, he had hundreds of times—generally on his
way home—stood still on this spot, gazed at this truly magnificent
spectacle and almost always marvelled at a vague and mysterious emotion
it roused in him. It left him strangely cold; this gorgeous picture was
for him blank and lifeless. He wondered every time at his sombre and
enigmatic impression and, mistrusting himself, put off finding the
explanation of it. He vividly recalled those old doubts and
perplexities, and it seemed to him that it was no mere chance that he
recalled them now. It struck him as strange and grotesque, that he
should have stopped at the same spot as before, as though he actually
imagined he could think the same thoughts, be interested in the same
theories and pictures that had interested him... so short a time ago. He
felt it almost amusing, and yet it wrung his heart. Deep down, hidden
far away out of sight all that seemed to him now—all his old past, his
old thoughts, his old problems and theories, his old impressions and
that picture and himself and all, all.... He felt as though he were
flying upwards, and everything were vanishing from his sight. Making an
unconscious movement with his hand, he suddenly became aware of the
piece of money in his fist. He opened his hand, stared at the coin, and
with a sweep of his arm flung it into the water; then he turned and went
home. It seemed to him, he had cut himself off from everyone and from
everything at that moment.
Evening was coming on when he reached home, so
that he must have been walking about six hours. How and where he came
back he did not remember. Undressing, and quivering like an overdriven
horse, he lay down on the sofa, drew his greatcoat over him, and at once
sank into oblivion....
It was dusk when he was waked up by a fearful
scream. Good God, what a scream! Such unnatural sounds, such howling,
wailing, grinding, tears, blows and curses he had never heard.
He could never have imagined such brutality, such
frenzy. In terror he sat up in bed, almost swooning with agony. But the
fighting, wailing and cursing grew louder and louder. And then to his
intense amazement he caught the voice of his landlady. She was howling,
shrieking and wailing, rapidly, hurriedly, incoherently, so that he
could not make out what she was talking about; she was beseeching, no
doubt, not to be beaten, for she was being mercilessly beaten on the
stairs. The voice of her assailant was so horrible from spite and rage
that it was almost a croak; but he, too, was saying something, and just
as quickly and indistinctly, hurrying and spluttering. All at once
Raskolnikov trembled; he recognised the voice—it was the voice of Ilya
Petrovitch. Ilya Petrovitch here and beating the landlady! He is kicking
her, banging her head against the steps—that's clear, that can be told
from the sounds, from the cries and the thuds. How is it, is the world
topsy-turvy? He could hear people running in crowds from all the storeys
and all the staircases; he heard voices, exclamations, knocking, doors
banging. "But why, why, and how could it be?" he repeated,
thinking seriously that he had gone mad. But no, he heard too
distinctly! And they would come to him then next, "for no doubt...
it's all about that... about yesterday.... Good God!" He would have
fastened his door with the latch, but he could not lift his hand...
besides, it would be useless. Terror gripped his heart like ice,
tortured him and numbed him.... But at last all this uproar, after
continuing about ten minutes, began gradually to subside. The landlady
was moaning and groaning; Ilya Petrovitch was still uttering threats and
curses.... But at last he, too, seemed to be silent, and now he could
not be heard. "Can he have gone away? Good Lord!" Yes, and now
the landlady is going too, still weeping and moaning... and then her
door slammed.... Now the crowd was going from the stairs to their rooms,
exclaiming, disputing, calling to one another, raising their voices to a
shout, dropping them to a whisper. There must have been numbers of
them—almost all the inmates of the block. "But, good God, how
could it be! And why, why had he come here!"
Raskolnikov sank worn out on the sofa, but could
not close his eyes. He lay for half an hour in such anguish, such an
intolerable sensation of infinite terror as he had never experienced
before. Suddenly a bright light flashed into his room. Nastasya came in
with a candle and a plate of soup. Looking at him carefully and
ascertaining that he was not asleep, she set the candle on the table and
began to lay out what she had brought—bread, salt, a plate, a spoon.
"You've eaten nothing since yesterday, I
warrant. You've been trudging about all day, and you're shaking with
fever."
"Nastasya... what were they beating the
landlady for?"
She looked intently at him.
"Who beat the landlady?"
"Just now... half an hour ago, Ilya
Petrovitch, the assistant superintendent, on the stairs.... Why was he
ill-treating her like that, and... why was he here?"
Nastasya scrutinised him, silent and frowning, and
her scrutiny lasted a long time. He felt uneasy, even frightened at her
searching eyes.
"Nastasya, why don't you speak?" he said
timidly at last in a weak voice.
"It's the blood," she answered at last
softly, as though speaking to herself.
"Blood? What blood?" he muttered,
growing white and turning towards the wall.
Nastasya still looked at him without speaking.
"Nobody has been beating the landlady,"
she declared at last in a firm, resolute voice.
He gazed at her, hardly able to breathe.
"I heard it myself.... I was not asleep... I
was sitting up," he said still more timidly. "I listened a
long while. The assistant superintendent came.... Everyone ran out on to
the stairs from all the flats."
"No one has been here. That's the blood
crying in your ears. When there's no outlet for it and it gets clotted,
you begin fancying things.... Will you eat something?"
He made no answer. Nastasya still stood over him,
watching him.
"Give me something to drink... Nastasya."
She went downstairs and returned with a white
earthenware jug of water. He remembered only swallowing one sip of the
cold water and spilling some on his neck. Then followed forgetfulness.
CHAPTER III
He was not completely unconscious, however, all
the time he was ill; he was in a feverish state, sometimes delirious,
sometimes half conscious. He remembered a great deal afterwards.
Sometimes it seemed as though there were a number of people round him;
they wanted to take him away somewhere, there was a great deal of
squabbling and discussing about him. Then he would be alone in the room;
they had all gone away afraid of him, and only now and then opened the
door a crack to look at him; they threatened him, plotted something
together, laughed, and mocked at him. He remembered Nastasya often at
his bedside; he distinguished another person, too, whom he seemed to
know very well, though he could not remember who he was, and this
fretted him, even made him cry. Sometimes he fancied he had been lying
there a month; at other times it all seemed part of the same day. But of
that—of that he had no recollection, and yet every
minute he felt that he had forgotten something he ought to remember. He
worried and tormented himself trying to remember, moaned, flew into a
rage, or sank into awful, intolerable terror. Then he struggled to get
up, would have run away, but someone always prevented him by force, and
he sank back into impotence and forgetfulness. At last he returned to
complete consciousness.
It happened at ten o'clock in the morning. On fine
days the sun shone into the room at that hour, throwing a streak of
light on the right wall and the corner near the door. Nastasya was
standing beside him with another person, a complete stranger, who was
looking at him very inquisitively. He was a young man with a beard,
wearing a full, short-waisted coat, and looked like a messenger. The
landlady was peeping in at the half-opened door. Raskolnikov sat up.
"Who is this, Nastasya?" he asked,
pointing to the young man.
"I say, he's himself again!" she said.
"He is himself," echoed the man.
Concluding that he had returned to his senses, the
landlady closed the door and disappeared. She was always shy and dreaded
conversations or discussions. She was a woman of forty, not at all
bad-looking, fat and buxom, with black eyes and eyebrows, good-natured
from fatness and laziness, and absurdly bashful.
"Who... are you?" he went on, addressing
the man. But at that moment the door was flung open, and, stooping a
little, as he was so tall, Razumihin came in.
"What a cabin it is!" he cried. "I
am always knocking my head. You call this a lodging! So you are
conscious, brother? I've just heard the news from Pashenka."
"He has just come to," said Nastasya.
"Just come to," echoed the man again,
with a smile.
"And who are you?" Razumihin asked,
suddenly addressing him. "My name is Vrazumihin, at your service;
not Razumihin, as I am always called, but Vrazumihin, a student and
gentleman; and he is my friend. And who are you?"
"I am the messenger from our office, from the
merchant Shelopaev, and I've come on business."
"Please sit down." Razumihin seated
himself on the other side of the table. "It's a good thing you've
come to, brother," he went on to Raskolnikov. "For the last
four days you have scarcely eaten or drunk anything. We had to give you
tea in spoonfuls. I brought Zossimov to see you twice. You remember
Zossimov? He examined you carefully and said at once it was nothing
serious—something seemed to have gone to your head. Some nervous
nonsense, the result of bad feeding, he says you have not had enough
beer and radish, but it's nothing much, it will pass and you will be all
right. Zossimov is a first-rate fellow! He is making quite a name. Come,
I won't keep you," he said, addressing the man again. "Will
you explain what you want? You must know, Rodya, this is the second time
they have sent from the office; but it was another man last time, and I
talked to him. Who was it came before?"
"That was the day before yesterday, I venture
to say, if you please, sir. That was Alexey Semyonovitch; he is in our
office, too."
"He was more intelligent than you, don't you
think so?"
"Yes, indeed, sir, he is of more weight than
I am."
"Quite so; go on."
"At your mamma's request, through Afanasy
Ivanovitch Vahrushin, of whom I presume you have heard more than once, a
remittance is sent to you from our office," the man began,
addressing Raskolnikov. "If you are in an intelligible condition,
I've thirty-five roubles to remit to you, as Semyon Semyonovitch has
received from Afanasy Ivanovitch at your mamma's request instructions to
that effect, as on previous occasions. Do you know him, sir?"
"Yes, I remember... Vahrushin,"
Raskolnikov said dreamily.
"You hear, he knows Vahrushin," cried
Razumihin. "He is in 'an intelligible condition'! And I see you are
an intelligent man too. Well, it's always pleasant to hear words of
wisdom."
"That's the gentleman, Vahrushin, Afanasy
Ivanovitch. And at the request of your mamma, who has sent you a
remittance once before in the same manner through him, he did not refuse
this time also, and sent instructions to Semyon Semyonovitch some days
since to hand you thirty-five roubles in the hope of better to
come."
"That 'hoping for better to come' is the best
thing you've said, though 'your mamma' is not bad either. Come then,
what do you say? Is he fully conscious, eh?"
"That's all right. If only he can sign this
little paper."
"He can scrawl his name. Have you got the
book?"
"Yes, here's the book."
"Give it to me. Here, Rodya, sit up. I'll
hold you. Take the pen and scribble 'Raskolnikov' for him. For just now,
brother, money is sweeter to us than treacle."
"I don't want it," said Raskolnikov,
pushing away the pen.
"Not want it?"
"I won't sign it."
"How the devil can you do without signing
it?"
"I don't want... the money."
"Don't want the money! Come, brother, that's
nonsense, I bear witness. Don't trouble, please, it's only that he is on
his travels again. But that's pretty common with him at all times
though.... You are a man of judgment and we will take him in hand, that
is, more simply, take his hand and he will sign it. Here."
"But I can come another time."
"No, no. Why should we trouble you? You are a
man of judgment.... Now, Rodya, don't keep your visitor, you see he is
waiting," and he made ready to hold Raskolnikov's hand in earnest.
"Stop, I'll do it alone," said the
latter, taking the pen and signing his name.
The messenger took out the money and went away.
"Bravo! And now, brother, are you
hungry?"
"Yes," answered Raskolnikov.
"Is there any soup?"
"Some of yesterday's," answered Nastasya,
who was still standing there.
"With potatoes and rice in it?"
"Yes."
"I know it by heart. Bring soup and give us
some tea."
"Very well."
Raskolnikov looked at all this with profound
astonishment and a dull, unreasoning terror. He made up his mind to keep
quiet and see what would happen. "I believe I am not wandering. I
believe it's reality," he thought.
In a couple of minutes Nastasya returned with the
soup, and announced that the tea would be ready directly. With the soup
she brought two spoons, two plates, salt, pepper, mustard for the beef,
and so on. The table was set as it had not been for a long time. The
cloth was clean.
"It would not be amiss, Nastasya, if
Praskovya Pavlovna were to send us up a couple of bottles of beer. We
could empty them."
"Well, you are a cool hand," muttered
Nastasya, and she departed to carry out his orders.
Raskolnikov still gazed wildly with strained
attention. Meanwhile Razumihin sat down on the sofa beside him, as
clumsily as a bear put his left arm round Raskolnikov's head, although
he was able to sit up, and with his right hand gave him a spoonful of
soup, blowing on it that it might not burn him. But the soup was only
just warm. Raskolnikov swallowed one spoonful greedily, then a second,
then a third. But after giving him a few more spoonfuls of soup,
Razumihin suddenly stopped, and said that he must ask Zossimov whether
he ought to have more.
Nastasya came in with two bottles of beer.
"And will you have tea?"
"Yes."
"Cut along, Nastasya, and bring some tea, for
tea we may venture on without the faculty. But here is the beer!"
He moved back to his chair, pulled the soup and meat in front of him,
and began eating as though he had not touched food for three days.
"I must tell you, Rodya, I dine like this
here every day now," he mumbled with his mouth full of beef,
"and it's all Pashenka, your dear little landlady, who sees to
that; she loves to do anything for me. I don't ask for it, but, of
course, I don't object. And here's Nastasya with the tea. She is a quick
girl. Nastasya, my dear, won't you have some beer?"
"Get along with your nonsense!"
"A cup of tea, then?"
"A cup of tea, maybe."
"Pour it out. Stay, I'll pour it out myself.
Sit down."
He poured out two cups, left his dinner, and sat
on the sofa again. As before, he put his left arm round the sick man's
head, raised him up and gave him tea in spoonfuls, again blowing each
spoonful steadily and earnestly, as though this process was the
principal and most effective means towards his friend's recovery.
Raskolnikov said nothing and made no resistance, though he felt quite
strong enough to sit up on the sofa without support and could not merely
have held a cup or a spoon, but even perhaps could have walked about.
But from some queer, almost animal, cunning he conceived the idea of
hiding his strength and lying low for a time, pretending if necessary
not to be yet in full possession of his faculties, and meanwhile
listening to find out what was going on. Yet he could not overcome his
sense of repugnance. After sipping a dozen spoonfuls of tea, he suddenly
released his head, pushed the spoon away capriciously, and sank back on
the pillow. There were actually real pillows under his head now, down
pillows in clean cases, he observed that, too, and took note of it.
"Pashenka must give us some raspberry jam
to-day to make him some raspberry tea," said Razumihin, going back
to his chair and attacking his soup and beer again.
"And where is she to get raspberries for
you?" asked Nastasya, balancing a saucer on her five outspread
fingers and sipping tea through a lump of sugar.
"She'll get it at the shop, my dear. You see,
Rodya, all sorts of things have been happening while you have been laid
up. When you decamped in that rascally way without leaving your address,
I felt so angry that I resolved to find you out and punish you. I set to
work that very day. How I ran about making inquiries for you! This
lodging of yours I had forgotten, though I never remembered it, indeed,
because I did not know it; and as for your old lodgings, I could only
remember it was at the Five Corners, Harlamov's house. I kept trying to
find that Harlamov's house, and afterwards it turned out that it was not
Harlamov's, but Buch's. How one muddles up sound sometimes! So I lost my
temper, and I went on the chance to the address bureau next day, and
only fancy, in two minutes they looked you up! Your name is down
there."
"My name!"
"I should think so; and yet a General Kobelev
they could not find while I was there. Well, it's a long story. But as
soon as I did land on this place, I soon got to know all your
affairs—all, all, brother, I know everything; Nastasya here will tell
you. I made the acquaintance of Nikodim Fomitch and Ilya Petrovitch, and
the house-porter and Mr. Zametov, Alexandr Grigorievitch, the head clerk
in the police office, and, last, but not least, of Pashenka; Nastasya
here knows...."
"He's got round her," Nastasya murmured,
smiling slyly.
"Why don't you put the sugar in your tea,
Nastasya Nikiforovna?"
"You are a one!" Nastasya cried
suddenly, going off into a giggle. "I am not Nikiforovna, but
Petrovna," she added suddenly, recovering from her mirth.
"I'll make a note of it. Well, brother, to
make a long story short, I was going in for a regular explosion here to
uproot all malignant influences in the locality, but Pashenka won the
day. I had not expected, brother, to find her so... prepossessing. Eh,
what do you think?"
Raskolnikov did not speak, but he still kept his
eyes fixed upon him, full of alarm.
"And all that could be wished, indeed, in
every respect," Razumihin went on, not at all embarrassed by his
silence.
"Ah, the sly dog!" Nastasya shrieked
again. This conversation afforded her unspeakable delight.
"It's a pity, brother, that you did not set
to work in the right way at first. You ought to have approached her
differently. She is, so to speak, a most unaccountable character. But we
will talk about her character later.... How could you let things come to
such a pass that she gave up sending you your dinner? And that I O U?
You must have been mad to sign an I O U. And that promise of marriage
when her daughter, Natalya Yegorovna, was alive?... I know all about it!
But I see that's a delicate matter and I am an ass; forgive me. But,
talking of foolishness, do you know Praskovya Pavlovna is not nearly so
foolish as you would think at first sight?"
"No," mumbled Raskolnikov, looking away,
but feeling that it was better to keep up the conversation.
"She isn't, is she?" cried Razumihin,
delighted to get an answer out of him. "But she is not very clever
either, eh? She is essentially, essentially an unaccountable character!
I am sometimes quite at a loss, I assure you.... She must be forty; she
says she is thirty-six, and of course she has every right to say so. But
I swear I judge her intellectually, simply from the metaphysical point
of view; there is a sort of symbolism sprung up between us, a sort of
algebra or what not! I don't understand it! Well, that's all nonsense.
Only, seeing that you are not a student now and have lost your lessons
and your clothes, and that through the young lady's death she has no
need to treat you as a relation, she suddenly took fright; and as you
hid in your den and dropped all your old relations with her, she planned
to get rid of you. And she's been cherishing that design a long time,
but was sorry to lose the I O U, for you assured her yourself that your
mother would pay."
"It was base of me to say that.... My mother
herself is almost a beggar... and I told a lie to keep my lodging... and
be fed," Raskolnikov said loudly and distinctly.
"Yes, you did very sensibly. But the worst of
it is that at that point Mr. Tchebarov turns up, a business man.
Pashenka would never have thought of doing anything on her own account,
she is too retiring; but the business man is by no means retiring, and
first thing he puts the question, 'Is there any hope of realising the I
O U?' Answer: there is, because he has a mother who would save her Rodya
with her hundred and twenty-five roubles pension, if she has to starve
herself; and a sister, too, who would go into bondage for his sake.
That's what he was building upon.... Why do you start? I know all the
ins and outs of your affairs now, my dear boy—it's not for nothing
that you were so open with Pashenka when you were her prospective
son-in-law, and I say all this as a friend.... But I tell you what it
is; an honest and sensitive man is open; and a business man 'listens and
goes on eating' you up. Well, then she gave the I O U by way of payment
to this Tchebarov, and without hesitation he made a formal demand for
payment. When I heard of all this I wanted to blow him up, too, to clear
my conscience, but by that time harmony reigned between me and Pashenka,
and I insisted on stopping the whole affair, engaging that you would
pay. I went security for you, brother. Do you understand? We called
Tchebarov, flung him ten roubles and got the I O U back from him, and
here I have the honour of presenting it to you. She trusts your word
now. Here, take it, you see I have torn it."
Razumihin put the note on the table. Raskolnikov
looked at him and turned to the wall without uttering a word. Even
Razumihin felt a twinge.
"I see, brother," he said a moment
later, "that I have been playing the fool again. I thought I should
amuse you with my chatter, and I believe I have only made you
cross."
"Was it you I did not recognise when I was
delirious?" Raskolnikov asked, after a moment's pause without
turning his head.
"Yes, and you flew into a rage about it,
especially when I brought Zametov one day."
"Zametov? The head clerk? What for?"
Raskolnikov turned round quickly and fixed his eyes on Razumihin.
"What's the matter with you?... What are you
upset about? He wanted to make your acquaintance because I talked to him
a lot about you.... How could I have found out so much except from him?
He is a capital fellow, brother, first-rate... in his own way, of
course. Now we are friends—see each other almost every day. I have
moved into this part, you know. I have only just moved. I've been with
him to Luise Ivanovna once or twice.... Do you remember Luise, Luise
Ivanovna?
"Did I say anything in delirium?"
"I should think so! You were beside
yourself."
"What did I rave about?"
"What next? What did you rave about? What
people do rave about.... Well, brother, now I must not lose time. To
work." He got up from the table and took up his cap.
"What did I rave about?"
"How he keeps on! Are you afraid of having
let out some secret? Don't worry yourself; you said nothing about a
countess. But you said a lot about a bulldog, and about ear-rings and
chains, and about Krestovsky Island, and some porter, and Nikodim
Fomitch and Ilya Petrovitch, the assistant superintendent. And another
thing that was of special interest to you was your own sock. You whined,
'Give me my sock.' Zametov hunted all about your room for your socks,
and with his own scented, ring-bedecked fingers he gave you the rag. And
only then were you comforted, and for the next twenty-four hours you
held the wretched thing in your hand; we could not get it from you. It
is most likely somewhere under your quilt at this moment. And then you
asked so piteously for fringe for your trousers. We tried to find out
what sort of fringe, but we could not make it out. Now to business! Here
are thirty-five roubles; I take ten of them, and shall give you an
account of them in an hour or two. I will let Zossimov know at the same
time, though he ought to have been here long ago, for it is nearly
twelve. And you, Nastasya, look in pretty often while I am away, to see
whether he wants a drink or anything else. And I will tell Pashenka what
is wanted myself. Good-bye!"
"He calls her Pashenka! Ah, he's a deep
one!" said Nastasya as he went out; then she opened the door and
stood listening, but could not resist running downstairs after him. She
was very eager to hear what he would say to the landlady. She was
evidently quite fascinated by Razumihin.
No sooner had she left the room than the sick man
flung off the bedclothes and leapt out of bed like a madman. With
burning, twitching impatience he had waited for them to be gone so that
he might set to work. But to what work? Now, as though to spite him, it
eluded him.
"Good God, only tell me one thing: do they
know of it yet or not? What if they know it and are only pretending,
mocking me while I am laid up, and then they will come in and tell me
that it's been discovered long ago and that they have only... What am I
to do now? That's what I've forgotten, as though on purpose; forgotten
it all at once, I remembered a minute ago."
He stood in the middle of the room and gazed in
miserable bewilderment about him; he walked to the door, opened it,
listened; but that was not what he wanted. Suddenly, as though recalling
something, he rushed to the corner where there was a hole under the
paper, began examining it, put his hand into the hole, fumbled—but
that was not it. He went to the stove, opened it and began rummaging in
the ashes; the frayed edges of his trousers and the rags cut off his
pocket were lying there just as he had thrown them. No one had looked,
then! Then he remembered the sock about which Razumihin had just been
telling him. Yes, there it lay on the sofa under the quilt, but it was
so covered with dust and grime that Zametov could not have seen anything
on it.
"Bah, Zametov! The police office! And why am
I sent for to the police office? Where's the notice? Bah! I am mixing it
up; that was then. I looked at my sock then, too, but now... now I have
been ill. But what did Zametov come for? Why did Razumihin bring
him?" he muttered, helplessly sitting on the sofa again. "What
does it mean? Am I still in delirium, or is it real? I believe it is
real.... Ah, I remember; I must escape! Make haste to escape. Yes, I
must, I must escape! Yes... but where? And where are my clothes? I've no
boots. They've taken them away! They've hidden them! I understand! Ah,
here is my coat—they passed that over! And here is money on the table,
thank God! And here's the I O U... I'll take the money and go and take
another lodging. They won't find me!... Yes, but the address bureau?
They'll find me, Razumihin will find me. Better escape altogether... far
away... to America, and let them do their worst! And take the I O U...
it would be of use there.... What else shall I take? They think I am
ill! They don't know that I can walk, ha-ha-ha! I could see by their
eyes that they know all about it! If only I could get downstairs! And
what if they have set a watch there—policemen! What's this tea? Ah,
and here is beer left, half a bottle, cold!"
He snatched up the bottle, which still contained a
glassful of beer, and gulped it down with relish, as though quenching a
flame in his breast. But in another minute the beer had gone to his
head, and a faint and even pleasant shiver ran down his spine. He lay
down and pulled the quilt over him. His sick and incoherent thoughts
grew more and more disconnected, and soon a light, pleasant drowsiness
came upon him. With a sense of comfort he nestled his head into the
pillow, wrapped more closely about him the soft, wadded quilt which had
replaced the old, ragged greatcoat, sighed softly and sank into a deep,
sound, refreshing sleep.
He woke up, hearing someone come in. He opened his
eyes and saw Razumihin standing in the doorway, uncertain whether to
come in or not. Raskolnikov sat up quickly on the sofa and gazed at him,
as though trying to recall something.
"Ah, you are not asleep! Here I am! Nastasya,
bring in the parcel!" Razumihin shouted down the stairs. "You
shall have the account directly."
"What time is it?" asked Raskolnikov,
looking round uneasily.
"Yes, you had a fine sleep, brother, it's
almost evening, it will be six o'clock directly. You have slept more
than six hours."
"Good heavens! Have I?"
"And why not? It will do you good. What's the
hurry? A tryst, is it? We've all time before us. I've been waiting for
the last three hours for you; I've been up twice and found you asleep.
I've called on Zossimov twice; not at home, only fancy! But no matter,
he will turn up. And I've been out on my own business, too. You know
I've been moving to-day, moving with my uncle. I have an uncle living
with me now. But that's no matter, to business. Give me the parcel,
Nastasya. We will open it directly. And how do you feel now,
brother?"
"I am quite well, I am not ill. Razumihin,
have you been here long?"
"I tell you I've been waiting for the last
three hours."
"No, before."
"How do you mean?"
"How long have you been coming here?"
"Why I told you all about it this morning.
Don't you remember?"
Raskolnikov pondered. The morning seemed like a
dream to him. He could not remember alone, and looked inquiringly at
Razumihin.
"Hm!" said the latter, "he has
forgotten. I fancied then that you were not quite yourself. Now you are
better for your sleep.... You really look much better. First-rate! Well,
to business. Look here, my dear boy."
He began untying the bundle, which evidently
interested him.
"Believe me, brother, this is something
specially near my heart. For we must make a man of you. Let's begin from
the top. Do you see this cap?" he said, taking out of the bundle a
fairly good though cheap and ordinary cap. "Let me try it on."
"Presently, afterwards," said
Raskolnikov, waving it off pettishly.
"Come, Rodya, my boy, don't oppose it,
afterwards will be too late; and I shan't sleep all night, for I bought
it by guess, without measure. Just right!" he cried triumphantly,
fitting it on, "just your size! A proper head-covering is the first
thing in dress and a recommendation in its own way. Tolstyakov, a friend
of mine, is always obliged to take off his pudding basin when he goes
into any public place where other people wear their hats or caps. People
think he does it from slavish politeness, but it's simply because he is
ashamed of his bird's nest; he is such a boastful fellow! Look,
Nastasya, here are two specimens of headgear: this Palmerston"—he
took from the corner Raskolnikov's old, battered hat, which for some
unknown reason, he called a Palmerston—"or this jewel! Guess the
price, Rodya, what do you suppose I paid for it, Nastasya!" he
said, turning to her, seeing that Raskolnikov did not speak.
"Twenty copecks, no more, I dare say,"
answered Nastasya.
"Twenty copecks, silly!" he cried,
offended. "Why, nowadays you would cost more than that—eighty
copecks! And that only because it has been worn. And it's bought on
condition that when's it's worn out, they will give you another next
year. Yes, on my word! Well, now let us pass to the United States of
America, as they called them at school. I assure you I am proud of these
breeches," and he exhibited to Raskolnikov a pair of light, summer
trousers of grey woollen material. "No holes, no spots, and quite
respectable, although a little worn; and a waistcoat to match, quite in
the fashion. And its being worn really is an improvement, it's softer,
smoother.... You see, Rodya, to my thinking, the great thing for getting
on in the world is always to keep to the seasons; if you don't insist on
having asparagus in January, you keep your money in your purse; and it's
the same with this purchase. It's summer now, so I've been buying summer
things—warmer materials will be wanted for autumn, so you will have to
throw these away in any case... especially as they will be done for by
then from their own lack of coherence if not your higher standard of
luxury. Come, price them! What do you say? Two roubles twenty-five
copecks! And remember the condition: if you wear these out, you will
have another suit for nothing! They only do business on that system at
Fedyaev's; if you've bought a thing once, you are satisfied for life,
for you will never go there again of your own free will. Now for the
boots. What do you say? You see that they are a bit worn, but they'll
last a couple of months, for it's foreign work and foreign leather; the
secretary of the English Embassy sold them last week—he had only worn
them six days, but he was very short of cash. Price—a rouble and a
half. A bargain?"
"But perhaps they won't fit," observed
Nastasya.
"Not fit? Just look!" and he pulled out
of his pocket Raskolnikov's old, broken boot, stiffly coated with dry
mud. "I did not go empty-handed—they took the size from this
monster. We all did our best. And as to your linen, your landlady has
seen to that. Here, to begin with are three shirts, hempen but with a
fashionable front.... Well now then, eighty copecks the cap, two roubles
twenty-five copecks the suit—together three roubles five copecks—a
rouble and a half for the boots—for, you see, they are very good—and
that makes four roubles fifty-five copecks; five roubles for the
underclothes—they were bought in the lo—which makes exactly nine
roubles fifty-five copecks. Forty-five copecks change in coppers. Will
you take it? And so, Rodya, you are set up with a complete new rig-out,
for your overcoat will serve, and even has a style of its own. That
comes from getting one's clothes from Sharmer's! As for your socks and
other things, I leave them to you; we've twenty-five roubles left. And
as for Pashenka and paying for your lodging, don't you worry. I tell you
she'll trust you for anything. And now, brother, let me change your
linen, for I daresay you will throw off your illness with your
shirt."
"Let me be! I don't want to!"
Raskolnikov waved him off. He had listened with disgust to Razumihin's
efforts to be playful about his purchases.
"Come, brother, don't tell me I've been
trudging around for nothing," Razumihin insisted. "Nastasya,
don't be bashful, but help me—that's it," and in spite of
Raskolnikov's resistance he changed his linen. The latter sank back on
the pillows and for a minute or two said nothing.
"It will be long before I get rid of
them," he thought. "What money was all that bought with?"
he asked at last, gazing at the wall.
"Money? Why, your own, what the messenger
brought from Vahrushin, your mother sent it. Have you forgotten that,
too?"
"I remember now," said Raskolnikov after
a long, sullen silence. Razumihin looked at him, frowning and uneasy.
The door opened and a tall, stout man whose
appearance seemed familiar to Raskolnikov came in.
CHAPTER IV
Zossimov was a tall, fat man with a puffy,
colourless, clean-shaven face and straight flaxen hair. He wore
spectacles, and a big gold ring on his fat finger. He was twenty-seven.
He had on a light grey fashionable loose coat, light summer trousers,
and everything about him loose, fashionable and spick and span; his
linen was irreproachable, his watch-chain was massive. In manner he was
slow and, as it were, nonchalant, and at the same time studiously free
and easy; he made efforts to conceal his self-importance, but it was
apparent at every instant. All his acquaintances found him tedious, but
said he was clever at his work.
"I've been to you twice to-day, brother. You
see, he's come to himself," cried Razumihin.
"I see, I see; and how do we feel now,
eh?" said Zossimov to Raskolnikov, watching him carefully and,
sitting down at the foot of the sofa, he settled himself as comfortably
as he could.
"He is still depressed," Razumihin went
on. "We've just changed his linen and he almost cried."
"That's very natural; you might have put it
off if he did not wish it.... His pulse is first-rate. Is your head
still aching, eh?"
"I am well, I am perfectly well!"
Raskolnikov declared positively and irritably. He raised himself on the
sofa and looked at them with glittering eyes, but sank back on to the
pillow at once and turned to the wall. Zossimov watched him intently.
"Very good.... Going on all right," he
said lazily. "Has he eaten anything?"
They told him, and asked what he might have.
"He may have anything... soup, tea...
mushrooms and cucumbers, of course, you must not give him; he'd better
not have meat either, and... but no need to tell you that!"
Razumihin and he looked at each other. "No more medicine or
anything. I'll look at him again to-morrow. Perhaps, to-day even... but
never mind..."
"To-morrow evening I shall take him for a
walk," said Razumihin. "We are going to the Yusupov garden and
then to the Palais de Crystal."
"I would not disturb him to-morrow at all,
but I don't know... a little, maybe... but we'll see."
"Ach, what a nuisance! I've got a
house-warming party to-night; it's only a step from here. Couldn't he
come? He could lie on the sofa. You are coming?" Razumihin said to
Zossimov. "Don't forget, you promised."
"All right, only rather later. What are you
going to do?"
"Oh, nothing—tea, vodka, herrings. There
will be a pie... just our friends."
"And who?"
"All neighbours here, almost all new friends,
except my old uncle, and he is new too—he only arrived in Petersburg
yesterday to see to some business of his. We meet once in five
years."
"What is he?"
"He's been stagnating all his life as a
district postmaster; gets a little pension. He is sixty-five—not worth
talking about.... But I am fond of him. Porfiry Petrovitch, the head of
the Investigation Department here... But you know him."
"Is he a relation of yours, too?"
"A very distant one. But why are you
scowling? Because you quarrelled once, won't you come then?"
"I don't care a damn for him."
"So much the better. Well, there will be some
students, a teacher, a government clerk, a musician, an officer and
Zametov."
"Do tell me, please, what you or
he"—Zossimov nodded at Raskolnikov—"can have in common
with this Zametov?"
"Oh, you particular gentleman! Principles!
You are worked by principles, as it were by springs; you won't venture
to turn round on your own account. If a man is a nice fellow, that's the
only principle I go upon. Zametov is a delightful person."
"Though he does take bribes."
"Well, he does! and what of it? I don't care
if he does take bribes," Razumihin cried with unnatural
irritability. "I don't praise him for taking bribes. I only say he
is a nice man in his own way! But if one looks at men in all ways—are
there many good ones left? Why, I am sure I shouldn't be worth a baked
onion myself... perhaps with you thrown in."
"That's too little; I'd give two for
you."
"And I wouldn't give more than one for you.
No more of your jokes! Zametov is no more than a boy. I can pull his
hair and one must draw him not repel him. You'll never improve a man by
repelling him, especially a boy. One has to be twice as careful with a
boy. Oh, you progressive dullards! You don't understand. You harm
yourselves running another man down.... But if you want to know, we
really have something in common."
"I should like to know what."
"Why, it's all about a house-painter.... We
are getting him out of a mess! Though indeed there's nothing to fear
now. The matter is absolutely self-evident. We only put on steam."
"A painter?"
"Why, haven't I told you about it? I only
told you the beginning then about the murder of the old
pawnbroker-woman. Well, the painter is mixed up in it..."
"Oh, I heard about that murder before and was
rather interested in it... partly... for one reason.... I read about it
in the papers, too...."
"Lizaveta was murdered, too," Nastasya
blurted out, suddenly addressing Raskolnikov. She remained in the room
all the time, standing by the door listening.
"Lizaveta," murmured Raskolnikov hardly
audibly.
"Lizaveta, who sold old clothes. Didn't you
know her? She used to come here. She mended a shirt for you, too."
Raskolnikov turned to the wall where in the dirty,
yellow paper he picked out one clumsy, white flower with brown lines on
it and began examining how many petals there were in it, how many
scallops in the petals and how many lines on them. He felt his arms and
legs as lifeless as though they had been cut off. He did not attempt to
move, but stared obstinately at the flower.
"But what about the painter?" Zossimov
interrupted Nastasya's chatter with marked displeasure. She sighed and
was silent.
"Why, he was accused of the murder,"
Razumihin went on hotly.
"Was there evidence against him then?"
"Evidence, indeed! Evidence that was no
evidence, and that's what we have to prove. It was just as they pitched
on those fellows, Koch and Pestryakov, at first. Foo! how stupidly it's
all done, it makes one sick, though it's not one's business! Pestryakov
may be coming to-night.... By the way, Rodya, you've heard about the
business already; it happened before you were ill, the day before you
fainted at the police office while they were talking about it."
Zossimov looked curiously at Raskolnikov. He did
not stir.
"But I say, Razumihin, I wonder at you. What
a busybody you are!" Zossimov observed.
"Maybe I am, but we will get him off
anyway," shouted Razumihin, bringing his fist down on the table.
"What's the most offensive is not their lying—one can always
forgive lying—lying is a delightful thing, for it leads to
truth—what is offensive is that they lie and worship their own
lying.... I respect Porfiry, but... What threw them out at first? The
door was locked, and when they came back with the porter it was open. So
it followed that Koch and Pestryakov were the murderers—that was their
logic!"
"But don't excite yourself; they simply
detained them, they could not help that.... And, by the way, I've met
that man Koch. He used to buy unredeemed pledges from the old woman?
Eh?"
"Yes, he is a swindler. He buys up bad debts,
too. He makes a profession of it. But enough of him! Do you know what
makes me angry? It's their sickening rotten, petrified routine.... And
this case might be the means of introducing a new method. One can show
from the psychological data alone how to get on the track of the real
man. 'We have facts,' they say. But facts are not everything—at least
half the business lies in how you interpret them!"
"Can you interpret them, then?"
"Anyway, one can't hold one's tongue when one
has a feeling, a tangible feeling, that one might be a help if only....
Eh! Do you know the details of the case?"
"I am waiting to hear about the
painter."
"Oh, yes! Well, here's the story. Early on
the third day after the murder, when they were still dandling Koch and
Pestryakov—though they accounted for every step they took and it was
as plain as a pikestaff-an unexpected fact turned up. A peasant called
Dushkin, who keeps a dram-shop facing the house, brought to the police
office a jeweller's case containing some gold ear-rings, and told a long
rigamarole. 'The day before yesterday, just after eight o'clock'—mark
the day and the hour!—'a journeyman house-painter, Nikolay, who had
been in to see me already that day, brought me this box of gold
ear-rings and stones, and asked me to give him two roubles for them.
When I asked him where he got them, he said that he picked them up in
the street. I did not ask him anything more.' I am telling you Dushkin's
story. 'I gave him a note'—a rouble that is—'for I thought if he did
not pawn it with me he would with another. It would all come to the same
thing—he'd spend it on drink, so the thing had better be with me. The
further you hide it the quicker you will find it, and if anything turns
up, if I hear any rumours, I'll take it to the police.' Of course,
that's all taradiddle; he lies like a horse, for I know this Dushkin, he
is a pawnbroker and a receiver of stolen goods, and he did not cheat
Nikolay out of a thirty-rouble trinket in order to give it to the
police. He was simply afraid. But no matter, to return to Dushkin's
story. 'I've known this peasant, Nikolay Dementyev, from a child; he
comes from the same province and district of Zaraïsk, we are both
Ryazan men. And though Nikolay is not a drunkard, he drinks, and I knew
he had a job in that house, painting work with Dmitri, who comes from
the same village, too. As soon as he got the rouble he changed it, had a
couple of glasses, took his change and went out. But I did not see
Dmitri with him then. And the next day I heard that someone had murdered
Alyona Ivanovna and her sister, Lizaveta Ivanovna, with an axe. I knew
them, and I felt suspicious about the ear-rings at once, for I knew the
murdered woman lent money on pledges. I went to the house, and began to
make careful inquiries without saying a word to anyone. First of all I
asked, "Is Nikolay here?" Dmitri told me that Nikolay had gone
off on the spree; he had come home at daybreak drunk, stayed in the
house about ten minutes, and went out again. Dmitri didn't see him again
and is finishing the job alone. And their job is on the same staircase
as the murder, on the second floor. When I heard all that I did not say
a word to anyone'—that's Dushkin's tale—'but I found out what I
could about the murder, and went home feeling as suspicious as ever. And
at eight o'clock this morning'—that was the third day, you
understand—'I saw Nikolay coming in, not sober, though not to say very
drunk—he could understand what was said to him. He sat down on the
bench and did not speak. There was only one stranger in the bar and a
man I knew asleep on a bench and our two boys. "Have you seen
Dmitri?" said I. "No, I haven't," said he. "And
you've not been here either?" "Not since the day before
yesterday," said he. "And where did you sleep last
night?" "In Peski, with the Kolomensky men." "And
where did you get those ear-rings?" I asked. "I found them in
the street," and the way he said it was a bit queer; he did not
look at me. "Did you hear what happened that very evening, at that
very hour, on that same staircase?" said I. "No," said
he, "I had not heard," and all the while he was listening, his
eyes were staring out of his head and he turned as white as chalk. I
told him all about it and he took his hat and began getting up. I wanted
to keep him. "Wait a bit, Nikolay," said I, "won't you
have a drink?" And I signed to the boy to hold the door, and I came
out from behind the bar; but he darted out and down the street to the
turning at a run. I have not seen him since. Then my doubts were at an
end—it was his doing, as clear as could be....'"
"I should think so," said Zossimov.
"Wait! Hear the end. Of course they sought
high and low for Nikolay; they detained Dushkin and searched his house;
Dmitri, too, was arrested; the Kolomensky men also were turned inside
out. And the day before yesterday they arrested Nikolay in a tavern at
the end of the town. He had gone there, taken the silver cross off his
neck and asked for a dram for it. They gave it to him. A few minutes
afterwards the woman went to the cowshed, and through a crack in the
wall she saw in the stable adjoining he had made a noose of his sash
from the beam, stood on a block of wood, and was trying to put his neck
in the noose. The woman screeched her hardest; people ran in. 'So that's
what you are up to!' 'Take me,' he says, 'to such-and-such a police
officer; I'll confess everything.' Well, they took him to that police
station—that is here—with a suitable escort. So they asked him this
and that, how old he is, 'twenty-two,' and so on. At the question, 'When
you were working with Dmitri, didn't you see anyone on the staircase at
such-and-such a time?'—answer: 'To be sure folks may have gone up and
down, but I did not notice them.' 'And didn't you hear anything, any
noise, and so on?' 'We heard nothing special.' 'And did you hear,
Nikolay, that on the same day Widow So-and-so and her sister were
murdered and robbed?' 'I never knew a thing about it. The first I heard
of it was from Afanasy Pavlovitch the day before yesterday.' 'And where
did you find the ear-rings?' 'I found them on the pavement.' 'Why didn't
you go to work with Dmitri the other day?' 'Because I was drinking.'
'And where were you drinking?' 'Oh, in such-and-such a place.' 'Why did
you run away from Dushkin's?' 'Because I was awfully frightened.' 'What
were you frightened of?' 'That I should be accused.' 'How could you be
frightened, if you felt free from guilt?' Now, Zossimov, you may not
believe me, that question was put literally in those words. I know it
for a fact, it was repeated to me exactly! What do you say to
that?"
"Well, anyway, there's the evidence."
"I am not talking of the evidence now, I am
talking about that question, of their own idea of themselves. Well, so
they squeezed and squeezed him and he confessed: 'I did not find it in
the street, but in the flat where I was painting with Dmitri.' 'And how
was that?' 'Why, Dmitri and I were painting there all day, and we were
just getting ready to go, and Dmitri took a brush and painted my face,
and he ran off and I after him. I ran after him, shouting my hardest,
and at the bottom of the stairs I ran right against the porter and some
gentlemen—and how many gentlemen were there I don't remember. And the
porter swore at me, and the other porter swore, too, and the porter's
wife came out, and swore at us, too; and a gentleman came into the entry
with a lady, and he swore at us, too, for Dmitri and I lay right across
the way. I got hold of Dmitri's hair and knocked him down and began
beating him. And Dmitri, too, caught me by the hair and began beating
me. But we did it all not for temper but in a friendly way, for sport.
And then Dmitri escaped and ran into the street, and I ran after him;
but I did not catch him, and went back to the flat alone; I had to clear
up my things. I began putting them together, expecting Dmitri to come,
and there in the passage, in the corner by the door, I stepped on the
box. I saw it lying there wrapped up in paper. I took off the paper, saw
some little hooks, undid them, and in the box were the
ear-rings....'"
"Behind the door? Lying behind the door?
Behind the door?" Raskolnikov cried suddenly, staring with a blank
look of terror at Razumihin, and he slowly sat up on the sofa, leaning
on his hand.
"Yes... why? What's the matter? What's
wrong?" Razumihin, too, got up from his seat.
"Nothing," Raskolnikov answered faintly,
turning to the wall. All were silent for a while.
"He must have waked from a dream,"
Razumihin said at last, looking inquiringly at Zossimov. The latter
slightly shook his head.
"Well, go on," said Zossimov. "What
next?"
"What next? As soon as he saw the ear-rings,
forgetting Dmitri and everything, he took up his cap and ran to Dushkin
and, as we know, got a rouble from him. He told a lie saying he found
them in the street, and went off drinking. He keeps repeating his old
story about the murder: 'I know nothing of it, never heard of it till
the day before yesterday.' 'And why didn't you come to the police till
now?' 'I was frightened.' 'And why did you try to hang yourself?' 'From
anxiety.' 'What anxiety?' 'That I should be accused of it.' Well, that's
the whole story. And now what do you suppose they deduced from
that?"
"Why, there's no supposing. There's a clue,
such as it is, a fact. You wouldn't have your painter set free?"
"Now they've simply taken him for the
murderer. They haven't a shadow of doubt."
"That's nonsense. You are excited. But what
about the ear-rings? You must admit that, if on the very same day and
hour ear-rings from the old woman's box have come into Nikolay's hands,
they must have come there somehow. That's a good deal in such a
case."
"How did they get there? How did they get
there?" cried Razumihin. "How can you, a doctor, whose duty it
is to study man and who has more opportunity than anyone else for
studying human nature—how can you fail to see the character of the man
in the whole story? Don't you see at once that the answers he has given
in the examination are the holy truth? They came into his hand precisely
as he has told us—he stepped on the box and picked it up."
"The holy truth! But didn't he own himself
that he told a lie at first?"
"Listen to me, listen attentively. The porter
and Koch and Pestryakov and the other porter and the wife of the first
porter and the woman who was sitting in the porter's lodge and the man
Kryukov, who had just got out of a cab at that minute and went in at the
entry with a lady on his arm, that is eight or ten witnesses, agree that
Nikolay had Dmitri on the ground, was lying on him beating him, while
Dmitri hung on to his hair, beating him, too. They lay right across the
way, blocking the thoroughfare. They were sworn at on all sides while
they 'like children' (the very words of the witnesses) were falling over
one another, squealing, fighting and laughing with the funniest faces,
and, chasing one another like children, they ran into the street. Now
take careful note. The bodies upstairs were warm, you understand, warm
when they found them! If they, or Nikolay alone, had murdered them and
broken open the boxes, or simply taken part in the robbery, allow me to
ask you one question: do their state of mind, their squeals and giggles
and childish scuffling at the gate fit in with axes, bloodshed, fiendish
cunning, robbery? They'd just killed them, not five or ten minutes
before, for the bodies were still warm, and at once, leaving the flat
open, knowing that people would go there at once, flinging away their
booty, they rolled about like children, laughing and attracting general
attention. And there are a dozen witnesses to swear to that!"
"Of course it is strange! It's impossible,
indeed, but..."
"No, brother, no buts. And if the
ear-rings being found in Nikolay's hands at the very day and hour of the
murder constitutes an important piece of circumstantial evidence against
him—although the explanation given by him accounts for it, and
therefore it does not tell seriously against him—one must take into
consideration the facts which prove him innocent, especially as they are
facts that cannot be denied. And do you suppose, from the
character of our legal system, that they will accept, or that they are
in a position to accept, this fact—resting simply on a psychological
impossibility—as irrefutable and conclusively breaking down the
circumstantial evidence for the prosecution? No, they won't accept it,
they certainly won't, because they found the jewel-case and the man
tried to hang himself, 'which he could not have done if he hadn't felt
guilty.' That's the point, that's what excites me, you must
understand!"
"Oh, I see you are excited! Wait a bit. I
forgot to ask you; what proof is there that the box came from the old
woman?"
"That's been proved," said Razumihin
with apparent reluctance, frowning. "Koch recognised the jewel-case
and gave the name of the owner, who proved conclusively that it was
his."
"That's bad. Now another point. Did anyone
see Nikolay at the time that Koch and Pestryakov were going upstairs at
first, and is there no evidence about that?"
"Nobody did see him," Razumihin answered
with vexation. "That's the worst of it. Even Koch and Pestryakov
did not notice them on their way upstairs, though, indeed, their
evidence could not have been worth much. They said they saw the flat was
open, and that there must be work going on in it, but they took no
special notice and could not remember whether there actually were men at
work in it."
"Hm!... So the only evidence for the defence
is that they were beating one another and laughing. That constitutes a
strong presumption, but... How do you explain the facts yourself?"
"How do I explain them? What is there to
explain? It's clear. At any rate, the direction in which explanation is
to be sought is clear, and the jewel-case points to it. The real
murderer dropped those ear-rings. The murderer was upstairs, locked in,
when Koch and Pestryakov knocked at the door. Koch, like an ass, did not
stay at the door; so the murderer popped out and ran down, too; for he
had no other way of escape. He hid from Koch, Pestryakov and the porter
in the flat when Nikolay and Dmitri had just run out of it. He stopped
there while the porter and others were going upstairs, waited till they
were out of hearing, and then went calmly downstairs at the very minute
when Dmitri and Nikolay ran out into the street and there was no one in
the entry; possibly he was seen, but not noticed. There are lots of
people going in and out. He must have dropped the ear-rings out of his
pocket when he stood behind the door, and did not notice he dropped
them, because he had other things to think of. The jewel-case is a
conclusive proof that he did stand there.... That's how I explain
it."
"Too clever! No, my boy, you're too clever.
That beats everything."
"But, why, why?"
"Why, because everything fits too well...
it's too melodramatic."
"A-ach!" Razumihin was exclaiming, but
at that moment the door opened and a personage came in who was a
stranger to all present.
CHAPTER V
This was a gentleman no longer young, of a stiff
and portly appearance, and a cautious and sour countenance. He began by
stopping short in the doorway, staring about him with offensive and
undisguised astonishment, as though asking himself what sort of place he
had come to. Mistrustfully and with an affectation of being alarmed and
almost affronted, he scanned Raskolnikov's low and narrow
"cabin." With the same amazement he stared at Raskolnikov, who
lay undressed, dishevelled, unwashed, on his miserable dirty sofa,
looking fixedly at him. Then with the same deliberation he scrutinised
the uncouth, unkempt figure and unshaven face of Razumihin, who looked
him boldly and inquiringly in the face without rising from his seat. A
constrained silence lasted for a couple of minutes, and then, as might
be expected, some scene-shifting took place. Reflecting, probably from
certain fairly unmistakable signs, that he would get nothing in this
"cabin" by attempting to overawe them, the gentleman softened
somewhat, and civilly, though with some severity, emphasising every
syllable of his question, addressed Zossimov:
"Rodion Romanovitch Raskolnikov, a student,
or formerly a student?"
Zossimov made a slight movement, and would have
answered, had not Razumihin anticipated him.
"Here he is lying on the sofa! What do you
want?"
This familiar "what do you want" seemed
to cut the ground from the feet of the pompous gentleman. He was turning
to Razumihin, but checked himself in time and turned to Zossimov again.
"This is Raskolnikov," mumbled Zossimov,
nodding towards him. Then he gave a prolonged yawn, opening his mouth as
wide as possible. Then he lazily put his hand into his waistcoat-pocket,
pulled out a huge gold watch in a round hunter's case, opened it, looked
at it and as slowly and lazily proceeded to put it back.
Raskolnikov himself lay without speaking, on his
back, gazing persistently, though without understanding, at the
stranger. Now that his face was turned away from the strange flower on
the paper, it was extremely pale and wore a look of anguish, as though
he had just undergone an agonising operation or just been taken from the
rack. But the new-comer gradually began to arouse his attention, then
his wonder, then suspicion and even alarm. When Zossimov said "This
is Raskolnikov" he jumped up quickly, sat on the sofa and with an
almost defiant, but weak and breaking, voice articulated:
"Yes, I am Raskolnikov! What do you
want?"
The visitor scrutinised him and pronounced
impressively:
"Pyotr Petrovitch Luzhin. I believe I have
reason to hope that my name is not wholly unknown to you?"
But Raskolnikov, who had expected something quite
different, gazed blankly and dreamily at him, making no reply, as though
he heard the name of Pyotr Petrovitch for the first time.
"Is it possible that you can up to the
present have received no information?" asked Pyotr Petrovitch,
somewhat disconcerted.
In reply Raskolnikov sank languidly back on the
pillow, put his hands behind his head and gazed at the ceiling. A look
of dismay came into Luzhin's face. Zossimov and Razumihin stared at him
more inquisitively than ever, and at last he showed unmistakable signs
of embarrassment.
"I had presumed and calculated," he
faltered, "that a letter posted more than ten days, if not a
fortnight ago..."
"I say, why are you standing in the
doorway?" Razumihin interrupted suddenly. "If you've something
to say, sit down. Nastasya and you are so crowded. Nastasya, make room.
Here's a chair, thread your way in!"
He moved his chair back from the table, made a
little space between the table and his knees, and waited in a rather
cramped position for the visitor to "thread his way in." The
minute was so chosen that it was impossible to refuse, and the visitor
squeezed his way through, hurrying and stumbling. Reaching the chair, he
sat down, looking suspiciously at Razumihin.
"No need to be nervous," the latter
blurted out. "Rodya has been ill for the last five days and
delirious for three, but now he is recovering and has got an appetite.
This is his doctor, who has just had a look at him. I am a comrade of
Rodya's, like him, formerly a student, and now I am nursing him; so
don't you take any notice of us, but go on with your business."
"Thank you. But shall I not disturb the
invalid by my presence and conversation?" Pyotr Petrovitch asked of
Zossimov.
"N-no," mumbled Zossimov; "you may
amuse him." He yawned again.
"He has been conscious a long time, since the
morning," went on Razumihin, whose familiarity seemed so much like
unaffected good-nature that Pyotr Petrovitch began to be more cheerful,
partly, perhaps, because this shabby and impudent person had introduced
himself as a student.
"Your mamma," began Luzhin.
"Hm!" Razumihin cleared his throat
loudly. Luzhin looked at him inquiringly.
"That's all right, go on."
Luzhin shrugged his shoulders.
"Your mamma had commenced a letter to you
while I was sojourning in her neighbourhood. On my arrival here I
purposely allowed a few days to elapse before coming to see you, in
order that I might be fully assured that you were in full possession of
the tidings; but now, to my astonishment..."
"I know, I know!" Raskolnikov cried
suddenly with impatient vexation. "So you are the fiancé? I
know, and that's enough!"
There was no doubt about Pyotr Petrovitch's being
offended this time, but he said nothing. He made a violent effort to
understand what it all meant. There was a moment's silence.
Meanwhile Raskolnikov, who had turned a little
towards him when he answered, began suddenly staring at him again with
marked curiosity, as though he had not had a good look at him yet, or as
though something new had struck him; he rose from his pillow on purpose
to stare at him. There certainly was something peculiar in Pyotr
Petrovitch's whole appearance, something which seemed to justify the
title of "fiancé" so unceremoniously applied to him. In the
first place, it was evident, far too much so indeed, that Pyotr
Petrovitch had made eager use of his few days in the capital to get
himself up and rig himself out in expectation of his betrothed—a
perfectly innocent and permissible proceeding, indeed. Even his own,
perhaps too complacent, consciousness of the agreeable improvement in
his appearance might have been forgiven in such circumstances, seeing
that Pyotr Petrovitch had taken up the rôle of fiancé. All his clothes
were fresh from the tailor's and were all right, except for being too
new and too distinctly appropriate. Even the stylish new round hat had
the same significance. Pyotr Petrovitch treated it too respectfully and
held it too carefully in his hands. The exquisite pair of lavender
gloves, real Louvain, told the same tale, if only from the fact of his
not wearing them, but carrying them in his hand for show. Light and
youthful colours predominated in Pyotr Petrovitch's attire. He wore a
charming summer jacket of a fawn shade, light thin trousers, a waistcoat
of the same, new and fine linen, a cravat of the lightest cambric with
pink stripes on it, and the best of it was, this all suited Pyotr
Petrovitch. His very fresh and even handsome face looked younger than
his forty-five years at all times. His dark, mutton-chop whiskers made
an agreeable setting on both sides, growing thickly upon his shining,
clean-shaven chin. Even his hair, touched here and there with grey,
though it had been combed and curled at a hairdresser's, did not give
him a stupid appearance, as curled hair usually does, by inevitably
suggesting a German on his wedding-day. If there really was something
unpleasing and repulsive in his rather good-looking and imposing
countenance, it was due to quite other causes. After scanning Mr. Luzhin
unceremoniously, Raskolnikov smiled malignantly, sank back on the pillow
and stared at the ceiling as before.
But Mr. Luzhin hardened his heart and seemed to
determine to take no notice of their oddities.
"I feel the greatest regret at finding you in
this situation," he began, again breaking the silence with an
effort. "If I had been aware of your illness I should have come
earlier. But you know what business is. I have, too, a very important
legal affair in the Senate, not to mention other preoccupations which
you may well conjecture. I am expecting your mamma and sister any
minute."
Raskolnikov made a movement and seemed about to
speak; his face showed some excitement. Pyotr Petrovitch paused, waited,
but as nothing followed, he went on:
"... Any minute. I have found a lodging for
them on their arrival."
"Where?" asked Raskolnikov weakly.
"Very near here, in Bakaleyev's house."
"That's in Voskresensky," put in
Razumihin. "There are two storeys of rooms, let by a merchant
called Yushin; I've been there."
"Yes, rooms..."
"A disgusting place—filthy, stinking and,
what's more, of doubtful character. Things have happened there, and
there are all sorts of queer people living there. And I went there about
a scandalous business. It's cheap, though..."
"I could not, of course, find out so much
about it, for I am a stranger in Petersburg myself," Pyotr
Petrovitch replied huffily. "However, the two rooms are exceedingly
clean, and as it is for so short a time... I have already taken a
permanent, that is, our future flat," he said, addressing
Raskolnikov, "and I am having it done up. And meanwhile I am myself
cramped for room in a lodging with my friend Andrey Semyonovitch
Lebeziatnikov, in the flat of Madame Lippevechsel; it was he who told me
of Bakaleyev's house, too..."
"Lebeziatnikov?" said Raskolnikov
slowly, as if recalling something.
"Yes, Andrey Semyonovitch Lebeziatnikov, a
clerk in the Ministry. Do you know him?"
"Yes... no," Raskolnikov answered.
"Excuse me, I fancied so from your inquiry. I
was once his guardian.... A very nice young man and advanced. I like to
meet young people: one learns new things from them." Luzhin looked
round hopefully at them all.
"How do you mean?" asked Razumihin.
"In the most serious and essential
matters," Pyotr Petrovitch replied, as though delighted at the
question. "You see, it's ten years since I visited Petersburg. All
the novelties, reforms, ideas have reached us in the provinces, but to
see it all more clearly one must be in Petersburg. And it's my notion
that you observe and learn most by watching the younger generation. And
I confess I am delighted..."
"At what?"
"Your question is a wide one. I may be
mistaken, but I fancy I find clearer views, more, so to say, criticism,
more practicality..."
"That's true," Zossimov let drop.
"Nonsense! There's no practicality."
Razumihin flew at him. "Practicality is a difficult thing to find;
it does not drop down from heaven. And for the last two hundred years we
have been divorced from all practical life. Ideas, if you like, are
fermenting," he said to Pyotr Petrovitch, "and desire for good
exists, though it's in a childish form, and honesty you may find,
although there are crowds of brigands. Anyway, there's no practicality.
Practicality goes well shod."
"I don't agree with you," Pyotr
Petrovitch replied, with evident enjoyment. "Of course, people do
get carried away and make mistakes, but one must have indulgence; those
mistakes are merely evidence of enthusiasm for the cause and of abnormal
external environment. If little has been done, the time has been but
short; of means I will not speak. It's my personal view, if you care to
know, that something has been accomplished already. New valuable ideas,
new valuable works are circulating in the place of our old dreamy and
romantic authors. Literature is taking a maturer form, many injurious
prejudice have been rooted up and turned into ridicule.... In a word, we
have cut ourselves off irrevocably from the past, and that, to my
thinking, is a great thing..."
"He's learnt it by heart to show off!"
Raskolnikov pronounced suddenly.
"What?" asked Pyotr Petrovitch, not
catching his words; but he received no reply.
"That's all true," Zossimov hastened to
interpose.
"Isn't it so?" Pyotr Petrovitch went on,
glancing affably at Zossimov. "You must admit," he went on,
addressing Razumihin with a shade of triumph and superciliousness—he
almost added "young man"—"that there is an advance, or,
as they say now, progress in the name of science and economic
truth..."
"A commonplace."
"No, not a commonplace! Hitherto, for
instance, if I were told, 'love thy neighbour,' what came of it?"
Pyotr Petrovitch went on, perhaps with excessive haste. "It came to
my tearing my coat in half to share with my neighbour and we both were
left half naked. As a Russian proverb has it, 'Catch several hares and
you won't catch one.' Science now tells us, love yourself before all
men, for everything in the world rests on self-interest. You love
yourself and manage your own affairs properly and your coat remains
whole. Economic truth adds that the better private affairs are organised
in society—the more whole coats, so to say—the firmer are its
foundations and the better is the common welfare organised too.
Therefore, in acquiring wealth solely and exclusively for myself, I am
acquiring, so to speak, for all, and helping to bring to pass my
neighbour's getting a little more than a torn coat; and that not from
private, personal liberality, but as a consequence of the general
advance. The idea is simple, but unhappily it has been a long time
reaching us, being hindered by idealism and sentimentality. And yet it
would seem to want very little wit to perceive it..."
"Excuse me, I've very little wit
myself," Razumihin cut in sharply, "and so let us drop it. I
began this discussion with an object, but I've grown so sick during the
last three years of this chattering to amuse oneself, of this incessant
flow of commonplaces, always the same, that, by Jove, I blush even when
other people talk like that. You are in a hurry, no doubt, to exhibit
your acquirements; and I don't blame you, that's quite pardonable. I
only wanted to find out what sort of man you are, for so many
unscrupulous people have got hold of the progressive cause of late and
have so distorted in their own interests everything they touched, that
the whole cause has been dragged in the mire. That's enough!"
"Excuse me, sir," said Luzhin,
affronted, and speaking with excessive dignity. "Do you mean to
suggest so unceremoniously that I too..."
"Oh, my dear sir... how could I?... Come,
that's enough," Razumihin concluded, and he turned abruptly to
Zossimov to continue their previous conversation.
Pyotr Petrovitch had the good sense to accept the
disavowal. He made up his mind to take leave in another minute or two.
"I trust our acquaintance," he said,
addressing Raskolnikov, "may, upon your recovery and in view of the
circumstances of which you are aware, become closer... Above all, I hope
for your return to health..."
Raskolnikov did not even turn his head. Pyotr
Petrovitch began getting up from his chair.
"One of her customers must have killed
her," Zossimov declared positively.
"Not a doubt of it," replied Razumihin.
"Porfiry doesn't give his opinion, but is examining all who have
left pledges with her there."
"Examining them?" Raskolnikov asked
aloud.
"Yes. What then?"
"Nothing."
"How does he get hold of them?" asked
Zossimov.
"Koch has given the names of some of them,
other names are on the wrappers of the pledges and some have come
forward of themselves."
"It must have been a cunning and practised
ruffian! The boldness of it! The coolness!"
"That's just what it wasn't!" interposed
Razumihin. "That's what throws you all off the scent. But I
maintain that he is not cunning, not practised, and probably this was
his first crime! The supposition that it was a calculated crime and a
cunning criminal doesn't work. Suppose him to have been inexperienced,
and it's clear that it was only a chance that saved him—and chance may
do anything. Why, he did not foresee obstacles, perhaps! And how did he
set to work? He took jewels worth ten or twenty roubles, stuffing his
pockets with them, ransacked the old woman's trunks, her rags—and they
found fifteen hundred roubles, besides notes, in a box in the top drawer
of the chest! He did not know how to rob; he could only murder. It was
his first crime, I assure you, his first crime; he lost his head. And he
got off more by luck than good counsel!"
"You are talking of the murder of the old
pawnbroker, I believe?" Pyotr Petrovitch put in, addressing
Zossimov. He was standing, hat and gloves in hand, but before departing
he felt disposed to throw off a few more intellectual phrases. He was
evidently anxious to make a favourable impression and his vanity
overcame his prudence.
"Yes. You've heard of it?"
"Oh, yes, being in the neighbourhood."
"Do you know the details?"
"I can't say that; but another circumstance
interests me in the case—the whole question, so to say. Not to speak
of the fact that crime has been greatly on the increase among the lower
classes during the last five years, not to speak of the cases of robbery
and arson everywhere, what strikes me as the strangest thing is that in
the higher classes, too, crime is increasing proportionately. In one
place one hears of a student's robbing the mail on the high road; in
another place people of good social position forge false banknotes; in
Moscow of late a whole gang has been captured who used to forge lottery
tickets, and one of the ringleaders was a lecturer in universal history;
then our secretary abroad was murdered from some obscure motive of
gain.... And if this old woman, the pawnbroker, has been murdered by
someone of a higher class in society—for peasants don't pawn gold
trinkets—how are we to explain this demoralisation of the civilised
part of our society?"
"There are many economic changes," put
in Zossimov.
"How are we to explain it?" Razumihin
caught him up. "It might be explained by our inveterate
impracticality."
"How do you mean?"
"What answer had your lecturer in Moscow to
make to the question why he was forging notes? 'Everybody is getting
rich one way or another, so I want to make haste to get rich too.' I
don't remember the exact words, but the upshot was that he wants money
for nothing, without waiting or working! We've grown used to having
everything ready-made, to walking on crutches, to having our food chewed
for us. Then the great hour struck,[*] and every man showed himself in
his true colours."
[*] The emancipation of the serfs in 1861 is meant.
—TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.
"But morality? And so to speak,
principles..."
"But why do you worry about it?"
Raskolnikov interposed suddenly. "It's in accordance with your
theory!"
"In accordance with my theory?"
"Why, carry out logically the theory you were
advocating just now, and it follows that people may be killed..."
"Upon my word!" cried Luzhin.
"No, that's not so," put in Zossimov.
Raskolnikov lay with a white face and twitching
upper lip, breathing painfully.
"There's a measure in all things,"
Luzhin went on superciliously. "Economic ideas are not an
incitement to murder, and one has but to suppose..."
"And is it true," Raskolnikov interposed
once more suddenly, again in a voice quivering with fury and delight in
insulting him, "is it true that you told your fiancée...
within an hour of her acceptance, that what pleased you most... was that
she was a beggar... because it was better to raise a wife from poverty,
so that you may have complete control over her, and reproach her with
your being her benefactor?"
"Upon my word," Luzhin cried wrathfully
and irritably, crimson with confusion, "to distort my words in this
way! Excuse me, allow me to assure you that the report which has reached
you, or rather, let me say, has been conveyed to you, has no foundation
in truth, and I... suspect who... in a word... this arrow... in a word,
your mamma... She seemed to me in other things, with all her excellent
qualities, of a somewhat high-flown and romantic way of thinking.... But
I was a thousand miles from supposing that she would misunderstand and
misrepresent things in so fanciful a way.... And indeed...
indeed..."
"I tell you what," cried Raskolnikov,
raising himself on his pillow and fixing his piercing, glittering eyes
upon him, "I tell you what."
"What?" Luzhin stood still, waiting with
a defiant and offended face. Silence lasted for some seconds.
"Why, if ever again... you dare to mention a
single word... about my mother... I shall send you flying
downstairs!"
"What's the matter with you?" cried
Razumihin.
"So that's how it is?" Luzhin turned
pale and bit his lip. "Let me tell you, sir," he began
deliberately, doing his utmost to restrain himself but breathing hard,
"at the first moment I saw you you were ill-disposed to me, but I
remained here on purpose to find out more. I could forgive a great deal
in a sick man and a connection, but you... never after this..."
"I am not ill," cried Raskolnikov.
"So much the worse..."
"Go to hell!"
But Luzhin was already leaving without finishing
his speech, squeezing between the table and the chair; Razumihin got up
this time to let him pass. Without glancing at anyone, and not even
nodding to Zossimov, who had for some time been making signs to him to
let the sick man alone, he went out, lifting his hat to the level of his
shoulders to avoid crushing it as he stooped to go out of the door. And
even the curve of his spine was expressive of the horrible insult he had
received.
"How could you—how could you!"
Razumihin said, shaking his head in perplexity.
"Let me alone—let me alone all of
you!" Raskolnikov cried in a frenzy. "Will you ever leave off
tormenting me? I am not afraid of you! I am not afraid of anyone, anyone
now! Get away from me! I want to be alone, alone, alone!"
"Come along," said Zossimov, nodding to
Razumihin.
"But we can't leave him like this!"
"Come along," Zossimov repeated
insistently, and he went out. Razumihin thought a minute and ran to
overtake him.
"It might be worse not to obey him,"
said Zossimov on the stairs. "He mustn't be irritated."
"What's the matter with him?"
"If only he could get some favourable shock,
that's what would do it! At first he was better.... You know he has got
something on his mind! Some fixed idea weighing on him.... I am very
much afraid so; he must have!"
"Perhaps it's that gentleman, Pyotr
Petrovitch. From his conversation I gather he is going to marry his
sister, and that he had received a letter about it just before his
illness...."
"Yes, confound the man! he may have upset the
case altogether. But have you noticed, he takes no interest in anything,
he does not respond to anything except one point on which he seems
excited—that's the murder?"
"Yes, yes," Razumihin agreed, "I
noticed that, too. He is interested, frightened. It gave him a shock on
the day he was ill in the police office; he fainted."
"Tell me more about that this evening and
I'll tell you something afterwards. He interests me very much! In half
an hour I'll go and see him again.... There'll be no inflammation
though."
"Thanks! And I'll wait with Pashenka meantime
and will keep watch on him through Nastasya...."
Raskolnikov, left alone, looked with impatience
and misery at Nastasya, but she still lingered.
"Won't you have some tea now?" she
asked.
"Later! I am sleepy! Leave me."
He turned abruptly to the wall; Nastasya went out.
CHAPTER VI
But as soon as she went out, he got up, latched
the door, undid the parcel which Razumihin had brought in that evening
and had tied up again and began dressing. Strange to say, he seemed
immediately to have become perfectly calm; not a trace of his recent
delirium nor of the panic fear that had haunted him of late. It was the
first moment of a strange sudden calm. His movements were precise and
definite; a firm purpose was evident in them. "To-day,
to-day," he muttered to himself. He understood that he was still
weak, but his intense spiritual concentration gave him strength and
self-confidence. He hoped, moreover, that he would not fall down in the
street. When he had dressed in entirely new clothes, he looked at the
money lying on the table, and after a moment's thought put it in his
pocket. It was twenty-five roubles. He took also all the copper change
from the ten roubles spent by Razumihin on the clothes. Then he softly
unlatched the door, went out, slipped downstairs and glanced in at the
open kitchen door. Nastasya was standing with her back to him, blowing
up the landlady's samovar. She heard nothing. Who would have dreamed of
his going out, indeed? A minute later he was in the street.
It was nearly eight o'clock, the sun was setting.
It was as stifling as before, but he eagerly drank in the stinking,
dusty town air. His head felt rather dizzy; a sort of savage energy
gleamed suddenly in his feverish eyes and his wasted, pale and yellow
face. He did not know and did not think where he was going, he had one
thought only: "that all this must be ended to-day, once for
all, immediately; that he would not return home without it, because he would
not go on living like that." How, with what to make an end? He
had not an idea about it, he did not even want to think of it. He drove
away thought; thought tortured him. All he knew, all he felt was that
everything must be changed "one way or another," he repeated
with desperate and immovable self-confidence and determination.
From old habit he took his usual walk in the
direction of the Hay Market. A dark-haired young man with a barrel organ
was standing in the road in front of a little general shop and was
grinding out a very sentimental song. He was accompanying a girl of
fifteen, who stood on the pavement in front of him. She was dressed up
in a crinoline, a mantle and a straw hat with a flame-coloured feather
in it, all very old and shabby. In a strong and rather agreeable voice,
cracked and coarsened by street singing, she sang in hope of getting a
copper from the shop. Raskolnikov joined two or three listeners, took
out a five copeck piece and put it in the girl's hand. She broke off
abruptly on a sentimental high note, shouted sharply to the organ
grinder "Come on," and both moved on to the next shop.
"Do you like street music?" said
Raskolnikov, addressing a middle-aged man standing idly by him. The man
looked at him, startled and wondering.
"I love to hear singing to a street
organ," said Raskolnikov, and his manner seemed strangely out of
keeping with the subject—"I like it on cold, dark, damp autumn
evenings—they must be damp—when all the passers-by have pale green,
sickly faces, or better still when wet snow is falling straight down,
when there's no wind—you know what I mean?—and the street lamps
shine through it..."
"I don't know.... Excuse me..." muttered
the stranger, frightened by the question and Raskolnikov's strange
manner, and he crossed over to the other side of the street.
Raskolnikov walked straight on and came out at the
corner of the Hay Market, where the huckster and his wife had talked
with Lizaveta; but they were not there now. Recognising the place, he
stopped, looked round and addressed a young fellow in a red shirt who
stood gaping before a corn chandler's shop.
"Isn't there a man who keeps a booth with his
wife at this corner?"
"All sorts of people keep booths here,"
answered the young man, glancing superciliously at Raskolnikov.
"What's his name?"
"What he was christened."
"Aren't you a Zaraïsky man, too? Which
province?"
The young man looked at Raskolnikov again.
"It's not a province, your excellency, but a
district. Graciously forgive me, your excellency!"
"Is that a tavern at the top there?"
"Yes, it's an eating-house and there's a
billiard-room and you'll find princesses there too.... La-la!"
Raskolnikov crossed the square. In that corner
there was a dense crowd of peasants. He pushed his way into the thickest
part of it, looking at the faces. He felt an unaccountable inclination
to enter into conversation with people. But the peasants took no notice
of him; they were all shouting in groups together. He stood and thought
a little and took a turning to the right in the direction of V.
He had often crossed that little street which
turns at an angle, leading from the market-place to Sadovy Street. Of
late he had often felt drawn to wander about this district, when he felt
depressed, that he might feel more so.
Now he walked along, thinking of nothing. At that
point there is a great block of buildings, entirely let out in dram
shops and eating-houses; women were continually running in and out,
bare-headed and in their indoor clothes. Here and there they gathered in
groups, on the pavement, especially about the entrances to various
festive establishments in the lower storeys. From one of these a loud
din, sounds of singing, the tinkling of a guitar and shouts of
merriment, floated into the street. A crowd of women were thronging
round the door; some were sitting on the steps, others on the pavement,
others were standing talking. A drunken soldier, smoking a cigarette,
was walking near them in the road, swearing; he seemed to be trying to
find his way somewhere, but had forgotten where. One beggar was
quarrelling with another, and a man dead drunk was lying right across
the road. Raskolnikov joined the throng of women, who were talking in
husky voices. They were bare-headed and wore cotton dresses and goatskin
shoes. There were women of forty and some not more than seventeen;
almost all had blackened eyes.
He felt strangely attracted by the singing and all
the noise and uproar in the saloon below.... someone could be heard
within dancing frantically, marking time with his heels to the sounds of
the guitar and of a thin falsetto voice singing a jaunty air. He
listened intently, gloomily and dreamily, bending down at the entrance
and peeping inquisitively in from the pavement.
"Oh, my handsome soldier Don't beat me for
nothing,"
trilled the thin voice of the singer. Raskolnikov
felt a great desire to make out what he was singing, as though
everything depended on that.
"Shall I go in?" he thought. "They
are laughing. From drink. Shall I get drunk?"
"Won't you come in?" one of the women
asked him. Her voice was still musical and less thick than the others,
she was young and not repulsive—the only one of the group.
"Why, she's pretty," he said, drawing
himself up and looking at her.
She smiled, much pleased at the compliment.
"You're very nice looking yourself," she
said.
"Isn't he thin though!" observed another
woman in a deep bass. "Have you just come out of a hospital?"
"They're all generals' daughters, it seems,
but they have all snub noses," interposed a tipsy peasant with a
sly smile on his face, wearing a loose coat. "See how jolly they
are."
"Go along with you!"
"I'll go, sweetie!"
And he darted down into the saloon below.
Raskolnikov moved on.
"I say, sir," the girl shouted after
him.
"What is it?"
She hesitated.
"I'll always be pleased to spend an hour with
you, kind gentleman, but now I feel shy. Give me six copecks for a
drink, there's a nice young man!"
Raskolnikov gave her what came first—fifteen
copecks.
"Ah, what a good-natured gentleman!"
"What's your name?"
"Ask for Duclida."
"Well, that's too much," one of the
women observed, shaking her head at Duclida. "I don't know how you
can ask like that. I believe I should drop with shame...."
Raskolnikov looked curiously at the speaker. She
was a pock-marked wench of thirty, covered with bruises, with her upper
lip swollen. She made her criticism quietly and earnestly. "Where
is it," thought Raskolnikov. "Where is it I've read that
someone condemned to death says or thinks, an hour before his death,
that if he had to live on some high rock, on such a narrow ledge that
he'd only room to stand, and the ocean, everlasting darkness,
everlasting solitude, everlasting tempest around him, if he had to
remain standing on a square yard of space all his life, a thousand
years, eternity, it were better to live so than to die at once! Only to
live, to live and live! Life, whatever it may be!... How true it is!
Good God, how true! Man is a vile creature!... And vile is he who calls
him vile for that," he added a moment later.
He went into another street. "Bah, the Palais
de Cristal! Razumihin was just talking of the Palais de Cristal. But
what on earth was it I wanted? Yes, the newspapers.... Zossimov said
he'd read it in the papers. Have you the papers?" he asked, going
into a very spacious and positively clean restaurant, consisting of
several rooms, which were, however, rather empty. Two or three people
were drinking tea, and in a room further away were sitting four men
drinking champagne. Raskolnikov fancied that Zametov was one of them,
but he could not be sure at that distance. "What if it is?" he
thought.
"Will you have vodka?" asked the waiter.
"Give me some tea and bring me the papers,
the old ones for the last five days, and I'll give you something."
"Yes, sir, here's to-day's. No vodka?"
The old newspapers and the tea were brought.
Raskolnikov sat down and began to look through them.
"Oh, damn... these are the items of
intelligence. An accident on a staircase, spontaneous combustion of a
shopkeeper from alcohol, a fire in Peski... a fire in the Petersburg
quarter... another fire in the Petersburg quarter... and another fire in
the Petersburg quarter.... Ah, here it is!" He found at last what
he was seeking and began to read it. The lines danced before his eyes,
but he read it all and began eagerly seeking later additions in the
following numbers. His hands shook with nervous impatience as he turned
the sheets. Suddenly someone sat down beside him at his table. He looked
up, it was the head clerk Zametov, looking just the same, with the rings
on his fingers and the watch-chain, with the curly, black hair, parted
and pomaded, with the smart waistcoat, rather shabby coat and doubtful
linen. He was in a good humour, at least he was smiling very gaily and
good-humouredly. His dark face was rather flushed from the champagne he
had drunk.
"What, you here?" he began in surprise,
speaking as though he'd known him all his life. "Why, Razumihin
told me only yesterday you were unconscious. How strange! And do you
know I've been to see you?"
Raskolnikov knew he would come up to him. He laid
aside the papers and turned to Zametov. There was a smile on his lips,
and a new shade of irritable impatience was apparent in that smile.
"I know you have," he answered.
"I've heard it. You looked for my sock.... And you know Razumihin
has lost his heart to you? He says you've been with him to Luise
Ivanovna's—you know, the woman you tried to befriend, for whom you
winked to the Explosive Lieutenant and he would not understand. Do you
remember? How could he fail to understand—it was quite clear, wasn't
it?"
"What a hot head he is!"
"The explosive one?"
"No, your friend Razumihin."
"You must have a jolly life, Mr. Zametov;
entrance free to the most agreeable places. Who's been pouring champagne
into you just now?"
"We've just been... having a drink
together.... You talk about pouring it into me!"
"By way of a fee! You profit by
everything!" Raskolnikov laughed, "it's all right, my dear
boy," he added, slapping Zametov on the shoulder. "I am not
speaking from temper, but in a friendly way, for sport, as that workman
of yours said when he was scuffling with Dmitri, in the case of the old
woman...."
"How do you know about it?"
"Perhaps I know more about it than you
do."
"How strange you are.... I am sure you are
still very unwell. You oughtn't to have come out."
"Oh, do I seem strange to you?"
"Yes. What are you doing, reading the
papers?"
"Yes."
"There's a lot about the fires."
"No, I am not reading about the fires."
Here he looked mysteriously at Zametov; his lips were twisted again in a
mocking smile. "No, I am not reading about the fires," he went
on, winking at Zametov. "But confess now, my dear fellow, you're
awfully anxious to know what I am reading about?"
"I am not in the least. Mayn't I ask a
question? Why do you keep on...?"
"Listen, you are a man of culture and
education?"
"I was in the sixth class at the
gymnasium," said Zametov with some dignity.
"Sixth class! Ah, my cock-sparrow! With your
parting and your rings—you are a gentleman of fortune. Foo! what a
charming boy!" Here Raskolnikov broke into a nervous laugh right in
Zametov's face. The latter drew back, more amazed than offended.
"Foo! how strange you are!" Zametov
repeated very seriously. "I can't help thinking you are still
delirious."
"I am delirious? You are fibbing, my
cock-sparrow! So I am strange? You find me curious, do you?"
"Yes, curious."
"Shall I tell you what I was reading about,
what I was looking for? See what a lot of papers I've made them bring
me. Suspicious, eh?"
"Well, what is it?"
"You prick up your ears?"
"How do you mean—'prick up my ears'?"
"I'll explain that afterwards, but now, my
boy, I declare to you... no, better 'I confess'... No, that's not right
either; 'I make a deposition and you take it.' I depose that I was
reading, that I was looking and searching...." he screwed up his
eyes and paused. "I was searching—and came here on purpose to do
it—for news of the murder of the old pawnbroker woman," he
articulated at last, almost in a whisper, bringing his face exceedingly
close to the face of Zametov. Zametov looked at him steadily, without
moving or drawing his face away. What struck Zametov afterwards as the
strangest part of it all was that silence followed for exactly a minute,
and that they gazed at one another all the while.
"What if you have been reading about
it?" he cried at last, perplexed and impatient. "That's no
business of mine! What of it?"
"The same old woman," Raskolnikov went
on in the same whisper, not heeding Zametov's explanation, "about
whom you were talking in the police-office, you remember, when I
fainted. Well, do you understand now?"
"What do you mean? Understand... what?"
Zametov brought out, almost alarmed.
Raskolnikov's set and earnest face was suddenly
transformed, and he suddenly went off into the same nervous laugh as
before, as though utterly unable to restrain himself. And in one flash
he recalled with extraordinary vividness of sensation a moment in the
recent past, that moment when he stood with the axe behind the door,
while the latch trembled and the men outside swore and shook it, and he
had a sudden desire to shout at them, to swear at them, to put out his
tongue at them, to mock them, to laugh, and laugh, and laugh!
"You are either mad, or..." began
Zametov, and he broke off, as though stunned by the idea that had
suddenly flashed into his mind.
"Or? Or what? What? Come, tell me!"
"Nothing," said Zametov, getting angry,
"it's all nonsense!"
Both were silent. After his sudden fit of laughter
Raskolnikov became suddenly thoughtful and melancholy. He put his elbow
on the table and leaned his head on his hand. He seemed to have
completely forgotten Zametov. The silence lasted for some time.
"Why don't you drink your tea? It's getting
cold," said Zametov.
"What! Tea? Oh, yes...." Raskolnikov
sipped the glass, put a morsel of bread in his mouth and, suddenly
looking at Zametov, seemed to remember everything and pulled himself
together. At the same moment his face resumed its original mocking
expression. He went on drinking tea.
"There have been a great many of these crimes
lately," said Zametov. "Only the other day I read in the Moscow
News that a whole gang of false coiners had been caught in Moscow.
It was a regular society. They used to forge tickets!"
"Oh, but it was a long time ago! I read about
it a month ago," Raskolnikov answered calmly. "So you consider
them criminals?" he added, smiling.
"Of course they are criminals."
"They? They are children, simpletons, not
criminals! Why, half a hundred people meeting for such an object—what
an idea! Three would be too many, and then they want to have more faith
in one another than in themselves! One has only to blab in his cups and
it all collapses. Simpletons! They engaged untrustworthy people to
change the notes—what a thing to trust to a casual stranger! Well, let
us suppose that these simpletons succeed and each makes a million, and
what follows for the rest of their lives? Each is dependent on the
others for the rest of his life! Better hang oneself at once! And they
did not know how to change the notes either; the man who changed the
notes took five thousand roubles, and his hands trembled. He counted the
first four thousand, but did not count the fifth thousand—he was in
such a hurry to get the money into his pocket and run away. Of course he
roused suspicion. And the whole thing came to a crash through one fool!
Is it possible?"
"That his hands trembled?" observed
Zametov, "yes, that's quite possible. That, I feel quite sure, is
possible. Sometimes one can't stand things."
"Can't stand that?"
"Why, could you stand it then? No, I
couldn't. For the sake of a hundred roubles to face such a terrible
experience? To go with false notes into a bank where it's their business
to spot that sort of thing! No, I should not have the face to do it.
Would you?"
Raskolnikov had an intense desire again "to
put his tongue out." Shivers kept running down his spine.
"I should do it quite differently,"
Raskolnikov began. "This is how I would change the notes: I'd count
the first thousand three or four times backwards and forwards, looking
at every note and then I'd set to the second thousand; I'd count that
half-way through and then hold some fifty-rouble note to the light, then
turn it, then hold it to the light again—to see whether it was a good
one. 'I am afraid,' I would say, 'a relation of mine lost twenty-five
roubles the other day through a false note,' and then I'd tell them the
whole story. And after I began counting the third, 'No, excuse me,' I
would say, 'I fancy I made a mistake in the seventh hundred in that
second thousand, I am not sure.' And so I would give up the third
thousand and go back to the second and so on to the end. And when I had
finished, I'd pick out one from the fifth and one from the second
thousand and take them again to the light and ask again, 'Change them,
please,' and put the clerk into such a stew that he would not know how
to get rid of me. When I'd finished and had gone out, I'd come back,
'No, excuse me,' and ask for some explanation. That's how I'd do
it."
"Foo! what terrible things you say!"
said Zametov, laughing. "But all that is only talk. I dare say when
it came to deeds you'd make a slip. I believe that even a practised,
desperate man cannot always reckon on himself, much less you and I. To
take an example near home—that old woman murdered in our district. The
murderer seems to have been a desperate fellow, he risked everything in
open daylight, was saved by a miracle—but his hands shook, too. He did
not succeed in robbing the place, he couldn't stand it. That was clear
from the..."
Raskolnikov seemed offended.
"Clear? Why don't you catch him then?"
he cried, maliciously gibing at Zametov.
"Well, they will catch him."
"Who? You? Do you suppose you could catch
him? You've a tough job! A great point for you is whether a man is
spending money or not. If he had no money and suddenly begins spending,
he must be the man. So that any child can mislead you."
"The fact is they always do that,
though," answered Zametov. "A man will commit a clever murder
at the risk of his life and then at once he goes drinking in a tavern.
They are caught spending money, they are not all as cunning as you are.
You wouldn't go to a tavern, of course?"
Raskolnikov frowned and looked steadily at
Zametov.
"You seem to enjoy the subject and would like
to know how I should behave in that case, too?" he asked with
displeasure.
"I should like to," Zametov answered
firmly and seriously. Somewhat too much earnestness began to appear in
his words and looks.
"Very much?"
"Very much!"
"All right then. This is how I should
behave," Raskolnikov began, again bringing his face close to
Zametov's, again staring at him and speaking in a whisper, so that the
latter positively shuddered. "This is what I should have done. I
should have taken the money and jewels, I should have walked out of
there and have gone straight to some deserted place with fences round it
and scarcely anyone to be seen, some kitchen garden or place of that
sort. I should have looked out beforehand some stone weighing a
hundredweight or more which had been lying in the corner from the time
the house was built. I would lift that stone—there would sure to be a
hollow under it, and I would put the jewels and money in that hole. Then
I'd roll the stone back so that it would look as before, would press it
down with my foot and walk away. And for a year or two, three maybe, I
would not touch it. And, well, they could search! There'd be no
trace."
"You are a madman," said Zametov, and
for some reason he too spoke in a whisper, and moved away from
Raskolnikov, whose eyes were glittering. He had turned fearfully pale
and his upper lip was twitching and quivering. He bent down as close as
possible to Zametov, and his lips began to move without uttering a word.
This lasted for half a minute; he knew what he was doing, but could not
restrain himself. The terrible word trembled on his lips, like the latch
on that door; in another moment it will break out, in another moment he
will let it go, he will speak out.
"And what if it was I who murdered the old
woman and Lizaveta?" he said suddenly and—realised what he had
done.
Zametov looked wildly at him and turned white as
the tablecloth. His face wore a contorted smile.
"But is it possible?" he brought out
faintly. Raskolnikov looked wrathfully at him.
"Own up that you believed it, yes, you
did?"
"Not a bit of it, I believe it less than ever
now," Zametov cried hastily.
"I've caught my cock-sparrow! So you did
believe it before, if now you believe less than ever?"
"Not at all," cried Zametov, obviously
embarrassed. "Have you been frightening me so as to lead up to
this?"
"You don't believe it then? What were you
talking about behind my back when I went out of the police-office? And
why did the explosive lieutenant question me after I fainted? Hey,
there," he shouted to the waiter, getting up and taking his cap,
"how much?"
"Thirty copecks," the latter replied,
running up.
"And there is twenty copecks for vodka. See
what a lot of money!" he held out his shaking hand to Zametov with
notes in it. "Red notes and blue, twenty-five roubles. Where did I
get them? And where did my new clothes come from? You know I had not a
copeck. You've cross-examined my landlady, I'll be bound.... Well,
that's enough! Assez causé! Till we meet again!"
He went out, trembling all over from a sort of
wild hysterical sensation, in which there was an element of insufferable
rapture. Yet he was gloomy and terribly tired. His face was twisted as
after a fit. His fatigue increased rapidly. Any shock, any irritating
sensation stimulated and revived his energies at once, but his strength
failed as quickly when the stimulus was removed.
Zametov, left alone, sat for a long time in the
same place, plunged in thought. Raskolnikov had unwittingly worked a
revolution in his brain on a certain point and had made up his mind for
him conclusively.
"Ilya Petrovitch is a blockhead," he
decided.
Raskolnikov had hardly opened the door of the
restaurant when he stumbled against Razumihin on the steps. They did not
see each other till they almost knocked against each other. For a moment
they stood looking each other up and down. Razumihin was greatly
astounded, then anger, real anger gleamed fiercely in his eyes.
"So here you are!" he shouted at the top
of his voice—"you ran away from your bed! And here I've been
looking for you under the sofa! We went up to the garret. I almost beat
Nastasya on your account. And here he is after all. Rodya! What is the
meaning of it? Tell me the whole truth! Confess! Do you hear?"
"It means that I'm sick to death of you all
and I want to be alone," Raskolnikov answered calmly.
"Alone? When you are not able to walk, when
your face is as white as a sheet and you are gasping for breath!
Idiot!... What have you been doing in the Palais de Cristal? Own up at
once!"
"Let me go!" said Raskolnikov and tried
to pass him. This was too much for Razumihin; he gripped him firmly by
the shoulder.
"Let you go? You dare tell me to let you go?
Do you know what I'll do with you directly? I'll pick you up, tie you up
in a bundle, carry you home under my arm and lock you up!"
"Listen, Razumihin," Raskolnikov began
quietly, apparently calm—"can't you see that I don't want your
benevolence? A strange desire you have to shower benefits on a man
who... curses them, who feels them a burden in fact! Why did you seek me
out at the beginning of my illness? Maybe I was very glad to die. Didn't
I tell you plainly enough to-day that you were torturing me, that I
was... sick of you! You seem to want to torture people! I assure you
that all that is seriously hindering my recovery, because it's
continually irritating me. You saw Zossimov went away just now to avoid
irritating me. You leave me alone too, for goodness' sake! What right
have you, indeed, to keep me by force? Don't you see that I am in
possession of all my faculties now? How, how can I persuade you not to
persecute me with your kindness? I may be ungrateful, I may be mean,
only let me be, for God's sake, let me be! Let me be, let me be!"
He began calmly, gloating beforehand over the
venomous phrases he was about to utter, but finished, panting for
breath, in a frenzy, as he had been with Luzhin.
Razumihin stood a moment, thought and let his hand
drop.
"Well, go to hell then," he said gently
and thoughtfully. "Stay," he roared, as Raskolnikov was about
to move. "Listen to me. Let me tell you, that you are all a set of
babbling, posing idiots! If you've any little trouble you brood over it
like a hen over an egg. And you are plagiarists even in that! There
isn't a sign of independent life in you! You are made of spermaceti
ointment and you've lymph in your veins instead of blood. I don't
believe in anyone of you! In any circumstances the first thing for all
of you is to be unlike a human being! Stop!" he cried with
redoubled fury, noticing that Raskolnikov was again making a
movement—"hear me out! You know I'm having a house-warming this
evening, I dare say they've arrived by now, but I left my uncle
there—I just ran in—to receive the guests. And if you weren't a
fool, a common fool, a perfect fool, if you were an original instead of
a translation... you see, Rodya, I recognise you're a clever fellow, but
you're a fool!—and if you weren't a fool you'd come round to me this
evening instead of wearing out your boots in the street! Since you have
gone out, there's no help for it! I'd give you a snug easy chair, my
landlady has one... a cup of tea, company.... Or you could lie on the
sofa—any way you would be with us.... Zossimov will be there too. Will
you come?"
"No."
"R-rubbish!" Razumihin shouted, out of
patience. "How do you know? You can't answer for yourself! You
don't know anything about it.... Thousands of times I've fought tooth
and nail with people and run back to them afterwards.... One feels
ashamed and goes back to a man! So remember, Potchinkov's house on the
third storey...."
"Why, Mr. Razumihin, I do believe you'd let
anybody beat you from sheer benevolence."
"Beat? Whom? Me? I'd twist his nose off at
the mere idea! Potchinkov's house, 47, Babushkin's flat...."
"I shall not come, Razumihin."
Raskolnikov turned and walked away.
"I bet you will," Razumihin shouted
after him. "I refuse to know you if you don't! Stay, hey, is
Zametov in there?"
"Yes."
"Did you see him?"
"Yes."
"Talked to him?"
"Yes."
"What about? Confound you, don't tell me
then. Potchinkov's house, 47, Babushkin's flat, remember!"
Raskolnikov walked on and turned the corner into
Sadovy Street. Razumihin looked after him thoughtfully. Then with a wave
of his hand he went into the house but stopped short of the stairs.
"Confound it," he went on almost aloud.
"He talked sensibly but yet... I am a fool! As if madmen didn't
talk sensibly! And this was just what Zossimov seemed afraid of."
He struck his finger on his forehead. "What if... how could I let
him go off alone? He may drown himself.... Ach, what a blunder! I
can't." And he ran back to overtake Raskolnikov, but there was no
trace of him. With a curse he returned with rapid steps to the Palais de
Cristal to question Zametov.
Raskolnikov walked straight to X—— Bridge,
stood in the middle, and leaning both elbows on the rail stared into the
distance. On parting with Razumihin, he felt so much weaker that he
could scarcely reach this place. He longed to sit or lie down somewhere
in the street. Bending over the water, he gazed mechanically at the last
pink flush of the sunset, at the row of houses growing dark in the
gathering twilight, at one distant attic window on the left bank,
flashing as though on fire in the last rays of the setting sun, at the
darkening water of the canal, and the water seemed to catch his
attention. At last red circles flashed before his eyes, the houses
seemed moving, the passers-by, the canal banks, the carriages, all
danced before his eyes. Suddenly he started, saved again perhaps from
swooning by an uncanny and hideous sight. He became aware of someone
standing on the right side of him; he looked and saw a tall woman with a
kerchief on her head, with a long, yellow, wasted face and red sunken
eyes. She was looking straight at him, but obviously she saw nothing and
recognised no one. Suddenly she leaned her right hand on the parapet,
lifted her right leg over the railing, then her left and threw herself
into the canal. The filthy water parted and swallowed up its victim for
a moment, but an instant later the drowning woman floated to the
surface, moving slowly with the current, her head and legs in the water,
her skirt inflated like a balloon over her back.
"A woman drowning! A woman drowning!"
shouted dozens of voices; people ran up, both banks were thronged with
spectators, on the bridge people crowded about Raskolnikov, pressing up
behind him.
"Mercy on it! it's our Afrosinya!" a
woman cried tearfully close by. "Mercy! save her! kind people, pull
her out!"
"A boat, a boat" was shouted in the
crowd. But there was no need of a boat; a policeman ran down the steps
to the canal, threw off his great coat and his boots and rushed into the
water. It was easy to reach her: she floated within a couple of yards
from the steps, he caught hold of her clothes with his right hand and
with his left seized a pole which a comrade held out to him; the
drowning woman was pulled out at once. They laid her on the granite
pavement of the embankment. She soon recovered consciousness, raised her
head, sat up and began sneezing and coughing, stupidly wiping her wet
dress with her hands. She said nothing.
"She's drunk herself out of her senses,"
the same woman's voice wailed at her side. "Out of her senses. The
other day she tried to hang herself, we cut her down. I ran out to the
shop just now, left my little girl to look after her—and here she's in
trouble again! A neighbour, gentleman, a neighbour, we live close by,
the second house from the end, see yonder...."
The crowd broke up. The police still remained
round the woman, someone mentioned the police station.... Raskolnikov
looked on with a strange sensation of indifference and apathy. He felt
disgusted. "No, that's loathsome... water... it's not good
enough," he muttered to himself. "Nothing will come of
it," he added, "no use to wait. What about the police
office...? And why isn't Zametov at the police office? The police office
is open till ten o'clock...." He turned his back to the railing and
looked about him.
"Very well then!" he said resolutely; he
moved from the bridge and walked in the direction of the police office.
His heart felt hollow and empty. He did not want to think. Even his
depression had passed, there was not a trace now of the energy with
which he had set out "to make an end of it all." Complete
apathy had succeeded to it.
"Well, it's a way out of it," he
thought, walking slowly and listlessly along the canal bank.
"Anyway I'll make an end, for I want to.... But is it a way out?
What does it matter! There'll be the square yard of space—ha! But what
an end! Is it really the end? Shall I tell them or not? Ah... damn! How
tired I am! If I could find somewhere to sit or lie down soon! What I am
most ashamed of is its being so stupid. But I don't care about that
either! What idiotic ideas come into one's head."
To reach the police office he had to go straight
forward and take the second turning to the left. It was only a few paces
away. But at the first turning he stopped and, after a minute's thought,
turned into a side street and went two streets out of his way, possibly
without any object, or possibly to delay a minute and gain time. He
walked, looking at the ground; suddenly someone seemed to whisper in his
ear; he lifted his head and saw that he was standing at the very gate of
the house. He had not passed it, he had not been near it since that
evening. An overwhelming, unaccountable prompting drew him on. He went
into the house, passed through the gateway, then into the first entrance
on the right, and began mounting the familiar staircase to the fourth
storey. The narrow, steep staircase was very dark. He stopped at each
landing and looked round him with curiosity; on the first landing the
framework of the window had been taken out. "That wasn't so
then," he thought. Here was the flat on the second storey where
Nikolay and Dmitri had been working. "It's shut up and the door
newly painted. So it's to let." Then the third storey and the
fourth. "Here!" He was perplexed to find the door of the flat
wide open. There were men there, he could hear voices; he had not
expected that. After brief hesitation he mounted the last stairs and
went into the flat. It, too, was being done up; there were workmen in
it. This seemed to amaze him; he somehow fancied that he would find
everything as he left it, even perhaps the corpses in the same places on
the floor. And now, bare walls, no furniture; it seemed strange. He
walked to the window and sat down on the window-sill. There were two
workmen, both young fellows, but one much younger than the other. They
were papering the walls with a new white paper covered with lilac
flowers, instead of the old, dirty, yellow one. Raskolnikov for some
reason felt horribly annoyed by this. He looked at the new paper with
dislike, as though he felt sorry to have it all so changed. The workmen
had obviously stayed beyond their time and now they were hurriedly
rolling up their paper and getting ready to go home. They took no notice
of Raskolnikov's coming in; they were talking. Raskolnikov folded his
arms and listened.
"She comes to me in the morning," said
the elder to the younger, "very early, all dressed up. 'Why are you
preening and prinking?' says I. 'I am ready to do anything to please
you, Tit Vassilitch!' That's a way of going on! And she dressed up like
a regular fashion book!"
"And what is a fashion book?" the
younger one asked. He obviously regarded the other as an authority.
"A fashion book is a lot of pictures,
coloured, and they come to the tailors here every Saturday, by post from
abroad, to show folks how to dress, the male sex as well as the female.
They're pictures. The gentlemen are generally wearing fur coats and for
the ladies' fluffles, they're beyond anything you can fancy."
"There's nothing you can't find in
Petersburg," the younger cried enthusiastically, "except
father and mother, there's everything!"
"Except them, there's everything to be found,
my boy," the elder declared sententiously.
Raskolnikov got up and walked into the other room
where the strong box, the bed, and the chest of drawers had been; the
room seemed to him very tiny without furniture in it. The paper was the
same; the paper in the corner showed where the case of ikons had stood.
He looked at it and went to the window. The elder workman looked at him
askance.
"What do you want?" he asked suddenly.
Instead of answering Raskolnikov went into the
passage and pulled the bell. The same bell, the same cracked note. He
rang it a second and a third time; he listened and remembered. The
hideous and agonisingly fearful sensation he had felt then began to come
back more and more vividly. He shuddered at every ring and it gave him
more and more satisfaction.
"Well, what do you want? Who are you?"
the workman shouted, going out to him. Raskolnikov went inside again.
"I want to take a flat," he said.
"I am looking round."
"It's not the time to look at rooms at night!
and you ought to come up with the porter."
"The floors have been washed, will they be
painted?" Raskolnikov went on. "Is there no blood?"
"What blood?"
"Why, the old woman and her sister were
murdered here. There was a perfect pool there."
"But who are you?" the workman cried,
uneasy.
"Who am I?"
"Yes."
"You want to know? Come to the police
station, I'll tell you."
The workmen looked at him in amazement.
"It's time for us to go, we are late. Come
along, Alyoshka. We must lock up," said the elder workman.
"Very well, come along," said
Raskolnikov indifferently, and going out first, he went slowly
downstairs. "Hey, porter," he cried in the gateway.
At the entrance several people were standing,
staring at the passers-by; the two porters, a peasant woman, a man in a
long coat and a few others. Raskolnikov went straight up to them.
"What do you want?" asked one of the
porters.
"Have you been to the police office?"
"I've just been there. What do you
want?"
"Is it open?"
"Of course."
"Is the assistant there?"
"He was there for a time. What do you
want?"
Raskolnikov made no reply, but stood beside them
lost in thought.
"He's been to look at the flat," said
the elder workman, coming forward.
"Which flat?"
"Where we are at work. 'Why have you washed
away the blood?' says he. 'There has been a murder here,' says he, 'and
I've come to take it.' And he began ringing at the bell, all but broke
it. 'Come to the police station,' says he. 'I'll tell you everything
there.' He wouldn't leave us."
The porter looked at Raskolnikov, frowning and
perplexed.
"Who are you?" he shouted as
impressively as he could.
"I am Rodion Romanovitch Raskolnikov,
formerly a student, I live in Shil's house, not far from here, flat
Number 14, ask the porter, he knows me." Raskolnikov said all this
in a lazy, dreamy voice, not turning round, but looking intently into
the darkening street.
"Why have you been to the flat?"
"To look at it."
"What is there to look at?"
"Take him straight to the police
station," the man in the long coat jerked in abruptly.
Raskolnikov looked intently at him over his
shoulder and said in the same slow, lazy tones:
"Come along."
"Yes, take him," the man went on more
confidently. "Why was he going into that, what's in his
mind, eh?"
"He's not drunk, but God knows what's the
matter with him," muttered the workman.
"But what do you want?" the porter
shouted again, beginning to get angry in earnest—"Why are you
hanging about?"
"You funk the police station then?" said
Raskolnikov jeeringly.
"How funk it? Why are you hanging
about?"
"He's a rogue!" shouted the peasant
woman.
"Why waste time talking to him?" cried
the other porter, a huge peasant in a full open coat and with keys on
his belt. "Get along! He is a rogue and no mistake. Get
along!"
And seizing Raskolnikov by the shoulder he flung
him into the street. He lurched forward, but recovered his footing,
looked at the spectators in silence and walked away.
"Strange man!" observed the workman.
"There are strange folks about
nowadays," said the woman.
"You should have taken him to the police
station all the same," said the man in the long coat.
"Better have nothing to do with him,"
decided the big porter. "A regular rogue! Just what he wants, you
may be sure, but once take him up, you won't get rid of him.... We know
the sort!"
"Shall I go there or not?" thought
Raskolnikov, standing in the middle of the thoroughfare at the
cross-roads, and he looked about him, as though expecting from someone a
decisive word. But no sound came, all was dead and silent like the
stones on which he walked, dead to him, to him alone.... All at once at
the end of the street, two hundred yards away, in the gathering dusk he
saw a crowd and heard talk and shouts. In the middle of the crowd stood
a carriage.... A light gleamed in the middle of the street. "What
is it?" Raskolnikov turned to the right and went up to the crowd.
He seemed to clutch at everything and smiled coldly when he recognised
it, for he had fully made up his mind to go to the police station and
knew that it would all soon be over.
CHAPTER VII
An elegant carriage stood in the middle of the
road with a pair of spirited grey horses; there was no one in it, and
the coachman had got off his box and stood by; the horses were being
held by the bridle.... A mass of people had gathered round, the police
standing in front. One of them held a lighted lantern which he was
turning on something lying close to the wheels. Everyone was talking,
shouting, exclaiming; the coachman seemed at a loss and kept repeating:
"What a misfortune! Good Lord, what a
misfortune!"
Raskolnikov pushed his way in as far as he could,
and succeeded at last in seeing the object of the commotion and
interest. On the ground a man who had been run over lay apparently
unconscious, and covered with blood; he was very badly dressed, but not
like a workman. Blood was flowing from his head and face; his face was
crushed, mutilated and disfigured. He was evidently badly injured.
"Merciful heaven!" wailed the coachman,
"what more could I do? If I'd been driving fast or had not shouted
to him, but I was going quietly, not in a hurry. Everyone could see I
was going along just like everybody else. A drunken man can't walk
straight, we all know.... I saw him crossing the street, staggering and
almost falling. I shouted again and a second and a third time, then I
held the horses in, but he fell straight under their feet! Either he did
it on purpose or he was very tipsy.... The horses are young and ready to
take fright... they started, he screamed... that made them worse. That's
how it happened!"
"That's just how it was," a voice in the
crowd confirmed.
"He shouted, that's true, he shouted three
times," another voice declared.
"Three times it was, we all heard it,"
shouted a third.
But the coachman was not very much distressed and
frightened. It was evident that the carriage belonged to a rich and
important person who was awaiting it somewhere; the police, of course,
were in no little anxiety to avoid upsetting his arrangements. All they
had to do was to take the injured man to the police station and the
hospital. No one knew his name.
Meanwhile Raskolnikov had squeezed in and stooped
closer over him. The lantern suddenly lighted up the unfortunate man's
face. He recognised him.
"I know him! I know him!" he shouted,
pushing to the front. "It's a government clerk retired from the
service, Marmeladov. He lives close by in Kozel's house.... Make haste
for a doctor! I will pay, see?" He pulled money out of his pocket
and showed it to the policeman. He was in violent agitation.
The police were glad that they had found out who
the man was. Raskolnikov gave his own name and address, and, as
earnestly as if it had been his father, he besought the police to carry
the unconscious Marmeladov to his lodging at once.
"Just here, three houses away," he said
eagerly, "the house belongs to Kozel, a rich German. He was going
home, no doubt drunk. I know him, he is a drunkard. He has a family
there, a wife, children, he has one daughter.... It will take time to
take him to the hospital, and there is sure to be a doctor in the house.
I'll pay, I'll pay! At least he will be looked after at home... they
will help him at once. But he'll die before you get him to the
hospital." He managed to slip something unseen into the policeman's
hand. But the thing was straightforward and legitimate, and in any case
help was closer here. They raised the injured man; people volunteered to
help.
Kozel's house was thirty yards away. Raskolnikov
walked behind, carefully holding Marmeladov's head and showing the way.
"This way, this way! We must take him
upstairs head foremost. Turn round! I'll pay, I'll make it worth your
while," he muttered.
Katerina Ivanovna had just begun, as she always
did at every free moment, walking to and fro in her little room from
window to stove and back again, with her arms folded across her chest,
talking to herself and coughing. Of late she had begun to talk more than
ever to her eldest girl, Polenka, a child of ten, who, though there was
much she did not understand, understood very well that her mother needed
her, and so always watched her with her big clever eyes and strove her
utmost to appear to understand. This time Polenka was undressing her
little brother, who had been unwell all day and was going to bed. The
boy was waiting for her to take off his shirt, which had to be washed at
night. He was sitting straight and motionless on a chair, with a silent,
serious face, with his legs stretched out straight before him—heels
together and toes turned out.
He was listening to what his mother was saying to
his sister, sitting perfectly still with pouting lips and wide-open
eyes, just as all good little boys have to sit when they are undressed
to go to bed. A little girl, still younger, dressed literally in rags,
stood at the screen, waiting for her turn. The door on to the stairs was
open to relieve them a little from the clouds of tobacco smoke which
floated in from the other rooms and brought on long terrible fits of
coughing in the poor, consumptive woman. Katerina Ivanovna seemed to
have grown even thinner during that week and the hectic flush on her
face was brighter than ever.
"You wouldn't believe, you can't imagine,
Polenka," she said, walking about the room, "what a happy
luxurious life we had in my papa's house and how this drunkard has
brought me, and will bring you all, to ruin! Papa was a civil colonel
and only a step from being a governor; so that everyone who came to see
him said, 'We look upon you, Ivan Mihailovitch, as our governor!' When
I... when..." she coughed violently, "oh, cursed life,"
she cried, clearing her throat and pressing her hands to her breast,
"when I... when at the last ball... at the marshal's... Princess
Bezzemelny saw me—who gave me the blessing when your father and I were
married, Polenka—she asked at once 'Isn't that the pretty girl who
danced the shawl dance at the breaking-up?' (You must mend that tear,
you must take your needle and darn it as I showed you, or
to-morrow—cough, cough, cough—he will make the hole bigger,"
she articulated with effort.) "Prince Schegolskoy, a kammerjunker,
had just come from Petersburg then... he danced the mazurka with me and
wanted to make me an offer next day; but I thanked him in flattering
expressions and told him that my heart had long been another's. That
other was your father, Polya; papa was fearfully angry.... Is the water
ready? Give me the shirt, and the stockings! Lida," said she to the
youngest one, "you must manage without your chemise to-night... and
lay your stockings out with it... I'll wash them together.... How is it
that drunken vagabond doesn't come in? He has worn his shirt till it
looks like a dish-clout, he has torn it to rags! I'd do it all together,
so as not to have to work two nights running! Oh, dear! (Cough, cough,
cough, cough!) Again! What's this?" she cried, noticing a crowd in
the passage and the men, who were pushing into her room, carrying a
burden. "What is it? What are they bringing? Mercy on us!"
"Where are we to put him?" asked the
policeman, looking round when Marmeladov, unconscious and covered with
blood, had been carried in.
"On the sofa! Put him straight on the sofa,
with his head this way," Raskolnikov showed him.
"Run over in the road! Drunk!" someone
shouted in the passage.
Katerina Ivanovna stood, turning white and gasping
for breath. The children were terrified. Little Lida screamed, rushed to
Polenka and clutched at her, trembling all over.
Having laid Marmeladov down, Raskolnikov flew to
Katerina Ivanovna.
"For God's sake be calm, don't be
frightened!" he said, speaking quickly, "he was crossing the
road and was run over by a carriage, don't be frightened, he will come
to, I told them bring him here... I've been here already, you remember?
He will come to; I'll pay!"
"He's done it this time!" Katerina
Ivanovna cried despairingly and she rushed to her husband.
Raskolnikov noticed at once that she was not one
of those women who swoon easily. She instantly placed under the luckless
man's head a pillow, which no one had thought of and began undressing
and examining him. She kept her head, forgetting herself, biting her
trembling lips and stifling the screams which were ready to break from
her.
Raskolnikov meanwhile induced someone to run for a
doctor. There was a doctor, it appeared, next door but one.
"I've sent for a doctor," he kept
assuring Katerina Ivanovna, "don't be uneasy, I'll pay. Haven't you
water?... and give me a napkin or a towel, anything, as quick as you
can.... He is injured, but not killed, believe me.... We shall see what
the doctor says!"
Katerina Ivanovna ran to the window; there, on a
broken chair in the corner, a large earthenware basin full of water had
been stood, in readiness for washing her children's and husband's linen
that night. This washing was done by Katerina Ivanovna at night at least
twice a week, if not oftener. For the family had come to such a pass
that they were practically without change of linen, and Katerina
Ivanovna could not endure uncleanliness and, rather than see dirt in the
house, she preferred to wear herself out at night, working beyond her
strength when the rest were asleep, so as to get the wet linen hung on a
line and dry by the morning. She took up the basin of water at
Raskolnikov's request, but almost fell down with her burden. But the
latter had already succeeded in finding a towel, wetted it and began
washing the blood off Marmeladov's face.
Katerina Ivanovna stood by, breathing painfully
and pressing her hands to her breast. She was in need of attention
herself. Raskolnikov began to realise that he might have made a mistake
in having the injured man brought here. The policeman, too, stood in
hesitation.
"Polenka," cried Katerina Ivanovna,
"run to Sonia, make haste. If you don't find her at home, leave
word that her father has been run over and that she is to come here at
once... when she comes in. Run, Polenka! there, put on the shawl."
"Run your fastest!" cried the little boy
on the chair suddenly, after which he relapsed into the same dumb
rigidity, with round eyes, his heels thrust forward and his toes spread
out.
Meanwhile the room had become so full of people
that you couldn't have dropped a pin. The policemen left, all except
one, who remained for a time, trying to drive out the people who came in
from the stairs. Almost all Madame Lippevechsel's lodgers had streamed
in from the inner rooms of the flat; at first they were squeezed
together in the doorway, but afterwards they overflowed into the room.
Katerina Ivanovna flew into a fury.
"You might let him die in peace, at
least," she shouted at the crowd, "is it a spectacle for you
to gape at? With cigarettes! (Cough, cough, cough!) You might as well
keep your hats on.... And there is one in his hat!... Get away! You
should respect the dead, at least!"
Her cough choked her—but her reproaches were not
without result. They evidently stood in some awe of Katerina Ivanovna.
The lodgers, one after another, squeezed back into the doorway with that
strange inner feeling of satisfaction which may be observed in the
presence of a sudden accident, even in those nearest and dearest to the
victim, from which no living man is exempt, even in spite of the
sincerest sympathy and compassion.
Voices outside were heard, however, speaking of
the hospital and saying that they'd no business to make a disturbance
here.
"No business to die!" cried Katerina
Ivanovna, and she was rushing to the door to vent her wrath upon them,
but in the doorway came face to face with Madame Lippevechsel who had
only just heard of the accident and ran in to restore order. She was a
particularly quarrelsome and irresponsible German.
"Ah, my God!" she cried, clasping her
hands, "your husband drunken horses have trampled! To the hospital
with him! I am the landlady!"
"Amalia Ludwigovna, I beg you to recollect
what you are saying," Katerina Ivanovna began haughtily (she always
took a haughty tone with the landlady that she might "remember her
place" and even now could not deny herself this satisfaction).
"Amalia Ludwigovna..."
"I have you once before told that you to call
me Amalia Ludwigovna may not dare; I am Amalia Ivanovna."
"You are not Amalia Ivanovna, but Amalia
Ludwigovna, and as I am not one of your despicable flatterers like Mr.
Lebeziatnikov, who's laughing behind the door at this moment (a laugh
and a cry of 'they are at it again' was in fact audible at the door) so
I shall always call you Amalia Ludwigovna, though I fail to understand
why you dislike that name. You can see for yourself what has happened to
Semyon Zaharovitch; he is dying. I beg you to close that door at once
and to admit no one. Let him at least die in peace! Or I warn you the
Governor-General, himself, shall be informed of your conduct to-morrow.
The prince knew me as a girl; he remembers Semyon Zaharovitch well and
has often been a benefactor to him. Everyone knows that Semyon
Zaharovitch had many friends and protectors, whom he abandoned himself
from an honourable pride, knowing his unhappy weakness, but now (she
pointed to Raskolnikov) a generous young man has come to our assistance,
who has wealth and connections and whom Semyon Zaharovitch has known
from a child. You may rest assured, Amalia Ludwigovna..."
All this was uttered with extreme rapidity,
getting quicker and quicker, but a cough suddenly cut short Katerina
Ivanovna's eloquence. At that instant the dying man recovered
consciousness and uttered a groan; she ran to him. The injured man
opened his eyes and without recognition or understanding gazed at
Raskolnikov who was bending over him. He drew deep, slow, painful
breaths; blood oozed at the corners of his mouth and drops of
perspiration came out on his forehead. Not recognising Raskolnikov, he
began looking round uneasily. Katerina Ivanovna looked at him with a sad
but stern face, and tears trickled from her eyes.
"My God! His whole chest is crushed! How he
is bleeding," she said in despair. "We must take off his
clothes. Turn a little, Semyon Zaharovitch, if you can," she cried
to him.
Marmeladov recognised her.
"A priest," he articulated huskily.
Katerina Ivanovna walked to the window, laid her
head against the window frame and exclaimed in despair:
"Oh, cursed life!"
"A priest," the dying man said again
after a moment's silence.
"They've gone for him," Katerina
Ivanovna shouted to him, he obeyed her shout and was silent. With sad
and timid eyes he looked for her; she returned and stood by his pillow.
He seemed a little easier but not for long.
Soon his eyes rested on little Lida, his
favourite, who was shaking in the corner, as though she were in a fit,
and staring at him with her wondering childish eyes.
"A-ah," he signed towards her uneasily.
He wanted to say something.
"What now?" cried Katerina Ivanovna.
"Barefoot, barefoot!" he muttered,
indicating with frenzied eyes the child's bare feet.
"Be silent," Katerina Ivanovna cried
irritably, "you know why she is barefooted."
"Thank God, the doctor," exclaimed
Raskolnikov, relieved.
The doctor came in, a precise little old man, a
German, looking about him mistrustfully; he went up to the sick man,
took his pulse, carefully felt his head and with the help of Katerina
Ivanovna he unbuttoned the blood-stained shirt, and bared the injured
man's chest. It was gashed, crushed and fractured, several ribs on the
right side were broken. On the left side, just over the heart, was a
large, sinister-looking yellowish-black bruise—a cruel kick from the
horse's hoof. The doctor frowned. The policeman told him that he was
caught in the wheel and turned round with it for thirty yards on the
road.
"It's wonderful that he has recovered
consciousness," the doctor whispered softly to Raskolnikov.
"What do you think of him?" he asked.
"He will die immediately."
"Is there really no hope?"
"Not the faintest! He is at the last gasp....
His head is badly injured, too... Hm... I could bleed him if you like,
but... it would be useless. He is bound to die within the next five or
ten minutes."
"Better bleed him then."
"If you like.... But I warn you it will be
perfectly useless."
At that moment other steps were heard; the crowd
in the passage parted, and the priest, a little, grey old man, appeared
in the doorway bearing the sacrament. A policeman had gone for him at
the time of the accident. The doctor changed places with him, exchanging
glances with him. Raskolnikov begged the doctor to remain a little
while. He shrugged his shoulders and remained.
All stepped back. The confession was soon over.
The dying man probably understood little; he could only utter indistinct
broken sounds. Katerina Ivanovna took little Lida, lifted the boy from
the chair, knelt down in the corner by the stove and made the children
kneel in front of her. The little girl was still trembling; but the boy,
kneeling on his little bare knees, lifted his hand rhythmically,
crossing himself with precision and bowed down, touching the floor with
his forehead, which seemed to afford him especial satisfaction. Katerina
Ivanovna bit her lips and held back her tears; she prayed, too, now and
then pulling straight the boy's shirt, and managed to cover the girl's
bare shoulders with a kerchief, which she took from the chest without
rising from her knees or ceasing to pray. Meanwhile the door from the
inner rooms was opened inquisitively again. In the passage the crowd of
spectators from all the flats on the staircase grew denser and denser,
but they did not venture beyond the threshold. A single candle-end
lighted up the scene.
At that moment Polenka forced her way through the
crowd at the door. She came in panting from running so fast, took off
her kerchief, looked for her mother, went up to her and said,
"She's coming, I met her in the street." Her mother made her
kneel beside her.
Timidly and noiselessly a young girl made her way
through the crowd, and strange was her appearance in that room, in the
midst of want, rags, death and despair. She, too, was in rags, her
attire was all of the cheapest, but decked out in gutter finery of a
special stamp, unmistakably betraying its shameful purpose. Sonia
stopped short in the doorway and looked about her bewildered,
unconscious of everything. She forgot her fourth-hand, gaudy silk dress,
so unseemly here with its ridiculous long train, and her immense
crinoline that filled up the whole doorway, and her light-coloured
shoes, and the parasol she brought with her, though it was no use at
night, and the absurd round straw hat with its flaring flame-coloured
feather. Under this rakishly-tilted hat was a pale, frightened little
face with lips parted and eyes staring in terror. Sonia was a small thin
girl of eighteen with fair hair, rather pretty, with wonderful blue
eyes. She looked intently at the bed and the priest; she too was out of
breath with running. At last whispers, some words in the crowd probably,
reached her. She looked down and took a step forward into the room,
still keeping close to the door.
The service was over. Katerina Ivanovna went up to
her husband again. The priest stepped back and turned to say a few words
of admonition and consolation to Katerina Ivanovna on leaving.
"What am I to do with these?" she
interrupted sharply and irritably, pointing to the little ones.
"God is merciful; look to the Most High for
succour," the priest began.
"Ach! He is merciful, but not to us."
"That's a sin, a sin, madam," observed
the priest, shaking his head.
"And isn't that a sin?" cried Katerina
Ivanovna, pointing to the dying man.
"Perhaps those who have involuntarily caused
the accident will agree to compensate you, at least for the loss of his
earnings."
"You don't understand!" cried Katerina
Ivanovna angrily waving her hand. "And why should they compensate
me? Why, he was drunk and threw himself under the horses! What earnings?
He brought us in nothing but misery. He drank everything away, the
drunkard! He robbed us to get drink, he wasted their lives and mine for
drink! And thank God he's dying! One less to keep!"
"You must forgive in the hour of death,
that's a sin, madam, such feelings are a great sin."
Katerina Ivanovna was busy with the dying man; she
was giving him water, wiping the blood and sweat from his head, setting
his pillow straight, and had only turned now and then for a moment to
address the priest. Now she flew at him almost in a frenzy.
"Ah, father! That's words and only words!
Forgive! If he'd not been run over, he'd have come home to-day drunk and
his only shirt dirty and in rags and he'd have fallen asleep like a log,
and I should have been sousing and rinsing till daybreak, washing his
rags and the children's and then drying them by the window and as soon
as it was daylight I should have been darning them. That's how I spend
my nights!... What's the use of talking of forgiveness! I have forgiven
as it is!"
A terrible hollow cough interrupted her words. She
put her handkerchief to her lips and showed it to the priest, pressing
her other hand to her aching chest. The handkerchief was covered with
blood. The priest bowed his head and said nothing.
Marmeladov was in the last agony; he did not take
his eyes off the face of Katerina Ivanovna, who was bending over him
again. He kept trying to say something to her; he began moving his
tongue with difficulty and articulating indistinctly, but Katerina
Ivanovna, understanding that he wanted to ask her forgiveness, called
peremptorily to him:
"Be silent! No need! I know what you want to
say!" And the sick man was silent, but at the same instant his
wandering eyes strayed to the doorway and he saw Sonia.
Till then he had not noticed her: she was standing
in the shadow in a corner.
"Who's that? Who's that?" he said
suddenly in a thick gasping voice, in agitation, turning his eyes in
horror towards the door where his daughter was standing, and trying to
sit up.
"Lie down! Lie do-own!" cried Katerina
Ivanovna.
With unnatural strength he had succeeded in
propping himself on his elbow. He looked wildly and fixedly for some
time on his daughter, as though not recognising her. He had never seen
her before in such attire. Suddenly he recognised her, crushed and
ashamed in her humiliation and gaudy finery, meekly awaiting her turn to
say good-bye to her dying father. His face showed intense suffering.
"Sonia! Daughter! Forgive!" he cried,
and he tried to hold out his hand to her, but losing his balance, he
fell off the sofa, face downwards on the floor. They rushed to pick him
up, they put him on the sofa; but he was dying. Sonia with a faint cry
ran up, embraced him and remained so without moving. He died in her
arms.
"He's got what he wanted," Katerina
Ivanovna cried, seeing her husband's dead body. "Well, what's to be
done now? How am I to bury him! What can I give them to-morrow to
eat?"
Raskolnikov went up to Katerina Ivanovna.
"Katerina Ivanovna," he began,
"last week your husband told me all his life and circumstances....
Believe me, he spoke of you with passionate reverence. From that
evening, when I learnt how devoted he was to you all and how he loved
and respected you especially, Katerina Ivanovna, in spite of his
unfortunate weakness, from that evening we became friends.... Allow me
now... to do something... to repay my debt to my dead friend. Here are
twenty roubles, I think—and if that can be of any assistance to you,
then... I... in short, I will come again, I will be sure to come
again... I shall, perhaps, come again to-morrow.... Good-bye!"
And he went quickly out of the room, squeezing his
way through the crowd to the stairs. But in the crowd he suddenly
jostled against Nikodim Fomitch, who had heard of the accident and had
come to give instructions in person. They had not met since the scene at
the police station, but Nikodim Fomitch knew him instantly.
"Ah, is that you?" he asked him.
"He's dead," answered Raskolnikov.
"The doctor and the priest have been, all as it should have been.
Don't worry the poor woman too much, she is in consumption as it is. Try
and cheer her up, if possible... you are a kind-hearted man, I
know..." he added with a smile, looking straight in his face.
"But you are spattered with blood,"
observed Nikodim Fomitch, noticing in the lamplight some fresh stains on
Raskolnikov's waistcoat.
"Yes... I'm covered with blood,"
Raskolnikov said with a peculiar air; then he smiled, nodded and went
downstairs.
He walked down slowly and deliberately, feverish
but not conscious of it, entirely absorbed in a new overwhelming
sensation of life and strength that surged up suddenly within him. This
sensation might be compared to that of a man condemned to death who has
suddenly been pardoned. Halfway down the staircase he was overtaken by
the priest on his way home; Raskolnikov let him pass, exchanging a
silent greeting with him. He was just descending the last steps when he
heard rapid footsteps behind him. Someone overtook him; it was Polenka.
She was running after him, calling "Wait! wait!"
He turned round. She was at the bottom of the
staircase and stopped short a step above him. A dim light came in from
the yard. Raskolnikov could distinguish the child's thin but pretty
little face, looking at him with a bright childish smile. She had run
after him with a message which she was evidently glad to give.
"Tell me, what is your name?... and where do
you live?" she said hurriedly in a breathless voice.
He laid both hands on her shoulders and looked at
her with a sort of rapture. It was such a joy to him to look at her, he
could not have said why.
"Who sent you?"
"Sister Sonia sent me," answered the
girl, smiling still more brightly.
"I knew it was sister Sonia sent you."
"Mamma sent me, too... when sister Sonia was
sending me, mamma came up, too, and said 'Run fast, Polenka.'"
"Do you love sister Sonia?"
"I love her more than anyone," Polenka
answered with a peculiar earnestness, and her smile became graver.
"And will you love me?"
By way of answer he saw the little girl's face
approaching him, her full lips naïvely held out to kiss him. Suddenly
her arms as thin as sticks held him tightly, her head rested on his
shoulder and the little girl wept softly, pressing her face against him.
"I am sorry for father," she said a
moment later, raising her tear-stained face and brushing away the tears
with her hands. "It's nothing but misfortunes now," she added
suddenly with that peculiarly sedate air which children try hard to
assume when they want to speak like grown-up people.
"Did your father love you?"
"He loved Lida most," she went on very
seriously without a smile, exactly like grown-up people, "he loved
her because she is little and because she is ill, too. And he always
used to bring her presents. But he taught us to read and me grammar and
scripture, too," she added with dignity. "And mother never
used to say anything, but we knew that she liked it and father knew it,
too. And mother wants to teach me French, for it's time my education
began."
"And do you know your prayers?"
"Of course, we do! We knew them long ago. I
say my prayers to myself as I am a big girl now, but Kolya and Lida say
them aloud with mother. First they repeat the 'Ave Maria' and then
another prayer: 'Lord, forgive and bless sister Sonia,' and then
another, 'Lord, forgive and bless our second father.' For our elder
father is dead and this is another one, but we do pray for the other as
well."
"Polenka, my name is Rodion. Pray sometimes
for me, too. 'And Thy servant Rodion,' nothing more."
"I'll pray for you all the rest of my
life," the little girl declared hotly, and suddenly smiling again
she rushed at him and hugged him warmly once more.
Raskolnikov told her his name and address and
promised to be sure to come next day. The child went away quite
enchanted with him. It was past ten when he came out into the street. In
five minutes he was standing on the bridge at the spot where the woman
had jumped in.
"Enough," he pronounced resolutely and
triumphantly. "I've done with fancies, imaginary terrors and
phantoms! Life is real! haven't I lived just now? My life has not yet
died with that old woman! The Kingdom of Heaven to her—and now enough,
madam, leave me in peace! Now for the reign of reason and light... and
of will, and of strength... and now we will see! We will try our
strength!" he added defiantly, as though challenging some power of
darkness. "And I was ready to consent to live in a square of space!
"I am very weak at this moment, but... I
believe my illness is all over. I knew it would be over when I went out.
By the way, Potchinkov's house is only a few steps away. I certainly
must go to Razumihin even if it were not close by... let him win his
bet! Let us give him some satisfaction, too—no matter! Strength,
strength is what one wants, you can get nothing without it, and strength
must be won by strength—that's what they don't know," he added
proudly and self-confidently and he walked with flagging footsteps from
the bridge. Pride and self-confidence grew continually stronger in him;
he was becoming a different man every moment. What was it had happened
to work this revolution in him? He did not know himself; like a man
catching at a straw, he suddenly felt that he, too, 'could live, that
there was still life for him, that his life had not died with the old
woman.' Perhaps he was in too great a hurry with his conclusions, but he
did not think of that.
"But I did ask her to remember 'Thy servant
Rodion' in her prayers," the idea struck him. "Well, that
was... in case of emergency," he added and laughed himself at his
boyish sally. He was in the best of spirits.
He easily found Razumihin; the new lodger was
already known at Potchinkov's and the porter at once showed him the way.
Half-way upstairs he could hear the noise and animated conversation of a
big gathering of people. The door was wide open on the stairs; he could
hear exclamations and discussion. Razumihin's room was fairly large; the
company consisted of fifteen people. Raskolnikov stopped in the entry,
where two of the landlady's servants were busy behind a screen with two
samovars, bottles, plates and dishes of pie and savouries, brought up
from the landlady's kitchen. Raskolnikov sent in for Razumihin. He ran
out delighted. At the first glance it was apparent that he had had a
great deal to drink and, though no amount of liquor made Razumihin quite
drunk, this time he was perceptibly affected by it.
"Listen," Raskolnikov hastened to say,
"I've only just come to tell you you've won your bet and that no
one really knows what may not happen to him. I can't come in; I am so
weak that I shall fall down directly. And so good evening and good-bye!
Come and see me to-morrow."
"Do you know what? I'll see you home. If you
say you're weak yourself, you must..."
"And your visitors? Who is the curly-headed
one who has just peeped out?"
"He? Goodness only knows! Some friend of
uncle's, I expect, or perhaps he has come without being invited... I'll
leave uncle with them, he is an invaluable person, pity I can't
introduce you to him now. But confound them all now! They won't notice
me, and I need a little fresh air, for you've come just in the nick of
time—another two minutes and I should have come to blows! They are
talking such a lot of wild stuff... you simply can't imagine what men
will say! Though why shouldn't you imagine? Don't we talk nonsense
ourselves? And let them... that's the way to learn not to!... Wait a
minute, I'll fetch Zossimov."
Zossimov pounced upon Raskolnikov almost greedily;
he showed a special interest in him; soon his face brightened.
"You must go to bed at once," he
pronounced, examining the patient as far as he could, "and take
something for the night. Will you take it? I got it ready some time
ago... a powder."
"Two, if you like," answered
Raskolnikov. The powder was taken at once.
"It's a good thing you are taking him
home," observed Zossimov to Razumihin—"we shall see how he
is to-morrow, to-day he's not at all amiss—a considerable change since
the afternoon. Live and learn..."
"Do you know what Zossimov whispered to me
when we were coming out?" Razumihin blurted out, as soon as they
were in the street. "I won't tell you everything, brother, because
they are such fools. Zossimov told me to talk freely to you on the way
and get you to talk freely to me, and afterwards I am to tell him about
it, for he's got a notion in his head that you are... mad or close on
it. Only fancy! In the first place, you've three times the brains he
has; in the second, if you are not mad, you needn't care a hang that he
has got such a wild idea; and thirdly, that piece of beef whose
specialty is surgery has gone mad on mental diseases, and what's brought
him to this conclusion about you was your conversation to-day with
Zametov."
"Zametov told you all about it?"
"Yes, and he did well. Now I understand what
it all means and so does Zametov.... Well, the fact is, Rodya... the
point is... I am a little drunk now.... But that's... no matter... the
point is that this idea... you understand? was just being hatched in
their brains... you understand? That is, no one ventured to say it
aloud, because the idea is too absurd and especially since the arrest of
that painter, that bubble's burst and gone for ever. But why are they
such fools? I gave Zametov a bit of a thrashing at the time—that's
between ourselves, brother; please don't let out a hint that you know of
it; I've noticed he is a ticklish subject; it was at Luise Ivanovna's.
But to-day, to-day it's all cleared up. That Ilya Petrovitch is at the
bottom of it! He took advantage of your fainting at the police station,
but he is ashamed of it himself now; I know that..."
Raskolnikov listened greedily. Razumihin was drunk
enough to talk too freely.
"I fainted then because it was so close and
the smell of paint," said Raskolnikov.
"No need to explain that! And it wasn't the
paint only: the fever had been coming on for a month; Zossimov testifies
to that! But how crushed that boy is now, you wouldn't believe! 'I am
not worth his little finger,' he says. Yours, he means. He has good
feelings at times, brother. But the lesson, the lesson you gave him
to-day in the Palais de Cristal, that was too good for anything! You
frightened him at first, you know, he nearly went into convulsions! You
almost convinced him again of the truth of all that hideous nonsense,
and then you suddenly—put out your tongue at him: 'There now, what do
you make of it?' It was perfect! He is crushed, annihilated now! It was
masterly, by Jove, it's what they deserve! Ah, that I wasn't there! He
was hoping to see you awfully. Porfiry, too, wants to make your
acquaintance..."
"Ah!... he too... but why did they put me
down as mad?"
"Oh, not mad. I must have said too much,
brother.... What struck him, you see, was that only that subject seemed
to interest you; now it's clear why it did interest you; knowing all the
circumstances... and how that irritated you and worked in with your
illness... I am a little drunk, brother, only, confound him, he has some
idea of his own... I tell you, he's mad on mental diseases. But don't
you mind him..."
For half a minute both were silent.
"Listen, Razumihin," began Raskolnikov,
"I want to tell you plainly: I've just been at a death-bed, a clerk
who died... I gave them all my money... and besides I've just been
kissed by someone who, if I had killed anyone, would just the same... in
fact I saw someone else there... with a flame-coloured feather... but I
am talking nonsense; I am very weak, support me... we shall be at the
stairs directly..."
"What's the matter? What's the matter with
you?" Razumihin asked anxiously.
"I am a little giddy, but that's not the
point, I am so sad, so sad... like a woman. Look, what's that? Look,
look!"
"What is it?"
"Don't you see? A light in my room, you see?
Through the crack..."
They were already at the foot of the last flight
of stairs, at the level of the landlady's door, and they could, as a
fact, see from below that there was a light in Raskolnikov's garret.
"Queer! Nastasya, perhaps," observed
Razumihin.
"She is never in my room at this time and she
must be in bed long ago, but... I don't care! Good-bye!"
"What do you mean? I am coming with you,
we'll come in together!"
"I know we are going in together, but I want
to shake hands here and say good-bye to you here. So give me your hand,
good-bye!"
"What's the matter with you, Rodya?"
"Nothing... come along... you shall be
witness."
They began mounting the stairs, and the idea
struck Razumihin that perhaps Zossimov might be right after all.
"Ah, I've upset him with my chatter!" he muttered to himself.
When they reached the door they heard voices in
the room.
"What is it?" cried Razumihin.
Raskolnikov was the first to open the door; he flung it wide and stood
still in the doorway, dumbfoundered.
His mother and sister were sitting on his sofa and
had been waiting an hour and a half for him. Why had he never expected,
never thought of them, though the news that they had started, were on
their way and would arrive immediately, had been repeated to him only
that day? They had spent that hour and a half plying Nastasya with
questions. She was standing before them and had told them everything by
now. They were beside themselves with alarm when they heard of his
"running away" to-day, ill and, as they understood from her
story, delirious! "Good Heavens, what had become of him?" Both
had been weeping, both had been in anguish for that hour and a half.
A cry of joy, of ecstasy, greeted Raskolnikov's
entrance. Both rushed to him. But he stood like one dead; a sudden
intolerable sensation struck him like a thunderbolt. He did not lift his
arms to embrace them, he could not. His mother and sister clasped him in
their arms, kissed him, laughed and cried. He took a step, tottered and
fell to the ground, fainting.
Anxiety, cries of horror, moans... Razumihin who
was standing in the doorway flew into the room, seized the sick man in
his strong arms and in a moment had him on the sofa.
"It's nothing, nothing!" he cried to the
mother and sister—"it's only a faint, a mere trifle! Only just
now the doctor said he was much better, that he is perfectly well!
Water! See, he is coming to himself, he is all right again!"
And seizing Dounia by the arm so that he almost
dislocated it, he made her bend down to see that "he is all right
again." The mother and sister looked on him with emotion and
gratitude, as their Providence. They had heard already from Nastasya all
that had been done for their Rodya during his illness, by this
"very competent young man," as Pulcheria Alexandrovna
Raskolnikov called him that evening in conversation with Dounia.
PART III
CHAPTER I
Raskolnikov got up, and sat down on the sofa. He
waved his hand weakly to Razumihin to cut short the flow of warm and
incoherent consolations he was addressing to his mother and sister, took
them both by the hand and for a minute or two gazed from one to the
other without speaking. His mother was alarmed by his expression. It
revealed an emotion agonisingly poignant, and at the same time something
immovable, almost insane. Pulcheria Alexandrovna began to cry.
Avdotya Romanovna was pale; her hand trembled in
her brother's.
"Go home... with him," he said in a
broken voice, pointing to Razumihin, "good-bye till to-morrow;
to-morrow everything... Is it long since you arrived?"
"This evening, Rodya," answered
Pulcheria Alexandrovna, "the train was awfully late. But, Rodya,
nothing would induce me to leave you now! I will spend the night here,
near you..."
"Don't torture me!" he said with a
gesture of irritation.
"I will stay with him," cried Razumihin,
"I won't leave him for a moment. Bother all my visitors! Let them
rage to their hearts' content! My uncle is presiding there."
"How, how can I thank you!" Pulcheria
Alexandrovna was beginning, once more pressing Razumihin's hands, but
Raskolnikov interrupted her again.
"I can't have it! I can't have it!" he
repeated irritably, "don't worry me! Enough, go away... I can't
stand it!"
"Come, mamma, come out of the room at least
for a minute," Dounia whispered in dismay; "we are distressing
him, that's evident."
"Mayn't I look at him after three
years?" wept Pulcheria Alexandrovna.
"Stay," he stopped them again, "you
keep interrupting me, and my ideas get muddled.... Have you seen
Luzhin?"
"No, Rodya, but he knows already of our
arrival. We have heard, Rodya, that Pyotr Petrovitch was so kind as to
visit you today," Pulcheria Alexandrovna added somewhat timidly.
"Yes... he was so kind... Dounia, I promised
Luzhin I'd throw him downstairs and told him to go to hell...."
"Rodya, what are you saying! Surely, you
don't mean to tell us..." Pulcheria Alexandrovna began in alarm,
but she stopped, looking at Dounia.
Avdotya Romanovna was looking attentively at her
brother, waiting for what would come next. Both of them had heard of the
quarrel from Nastasya, so far as she had succeeded in understanding and
reporting it, and were in painful perplexity and suspense.
"Dounia," Raskolnikov continued with an
effort, "I don't want that marriage, so at the first opportunity
to-morrow you must refuse Luzhin, so that we may never hear his name
again."
"Good Heavens!" cried Pulcheria
Alexandrovna.
"Brother, think what you are saying!"
Avdotya Romanovna began impetuously, but immediately checked herself.
"You are not fit to talk now, perhaps; you are tired," she
added gently.
"You think I am delirious? No... You are
marrying Luzhin for my sake. But I won't accept the sacrifice.
And so write a letter before to-morrow, to refuse him... Let me read it
in the morning and that will be the end of it!"
"That I can't do!" the girl cried,
offended, "what right have you..."
"Dounia, you are hasty, too, be quiet,
to-morrow... Don't you see..." the mother interposed in dismay.
"Better come away!"
"He is raving," Razumihin cried tipsily,
"or how would he dare! To-morrow all this nonsense will be over...
to-day he certainly did drive him away. That was so. And Luzhin got
angry, too.... He made speeches here, wanted to show off his learning
and he went out crest-fallen...."
"Then it's true?" cried Pulcheria
Alexandrovna.
"Good-bye till to-morrow, brother," said
Dounia compassionately—"let us go, mother... Good-bye,
Rodya."
"Do you hear, sister," he repeated after
them, making a last effort, "I am not delirious; this marriage
is—an infamy. Let me act like a scoundrel, but you mustn't... one is
enough... and though I am a scoundrel, I wouldn't own such a sister.
It's me or Luzhin! Go now...."
"But you're out of your mind! Despot!"
roared Razumihin; but Raskolnikov did not and perhaps could not answer.
He lay down on the sofa, and turned to the wall, utterly exhausted.
Avdotya Romanovna looked with interest at Razumihin; her black eyes
flashed; Razumihin positively started at her glance.
Pulcheria Alexandrovna stood overwhelmed.
"Nothing would induce me to go," she
whispered in despair to Razumihin. "I will stay somewhere here...
escort Dounia home."
"You'll spoil everything," Razumihin
answered in the same whisper, losing patience—"come out on to the
stairs, anyway. Nastasya, show a light! I assure you," he went on
in a half whisper on the stairs-"that he was almost beating the
doctor and me this afternoon! Do you understand? The doctor himself!
Even he gave way and left him, so as not to irritate him. I remained
downstairs on guard, but he dressed at once and slipped off. And he will
slip off again if you irritate him, at this time of night, and will do
himself some mischief...."
"What are you saying?"
"And Avdotya Romanovna can't possibly be left
in those lodgings without you. Just think where you are staying! That
blackguard Pyotr Petrovitch couldn't find you better lodgings... But you
know I've had a little to drink, and that's what makes me... swear;
don't mind it...."
"But I'll go to the landlady here,"
Pulcheria Alexandrovna insisted, "Ill beseech her to find some
corner for Dounia and me for the night. I can't leave him like that, I
cannot!"
This conversation took place on the landing just
before the landlady's door. Nastasya lighted them from a step below.
Razumihin was in extraordinary excitement. Half an hour earlier, while
he was bringing Raskolnikov home, he had indeed talked too freely, but
he was aware of it himself, and his head was clear in spite of the vast
quantities he had imbibed. Now he was in a state bordering on ecstasy,
and all that he had drunk seemed to fly to his head with redoubled
effect. He stood with the two ladies, seizing both by their hands,
persuading them, and giving them reasons with astonishing plainness of
speech, and at almost every word he uttered, probably to emphasise his
arguments, he squeezed their hands painfully as in a vise. He stared at
Avdotya Romanovna without the least regard for good manners. They
sometimes pulled their hands out of his huge bony paws, but far from
noticing what was the matter, he drew them all the closer to him. If
they'd told him to jump head foremost from the staircase, he would have
done it without thought or hesitation in their service. Though Pulcheria
Alexandrovna felt that the young man was really too eccentric and
pinched her hand too much, in her anxiety over her Rodya she looked on
his presence as providential, and was unwilling to notice all his
peculiarities. But though Avdotya Romanovna shared her anxiety, and was
not of timorous disposition, she could not see the glowing light in his
eyes without wonder and almost alarm. It was only the unbounded
confidence inspired by Nastasya's account of her brother's queer friend,
which prevented her from trying to run away from him, and to persuade
her mother to do the same. She realised, too, that even running away was
perhaps impossible now. Ten minutes later, however, she was considerably
reassured; it was characteristic of Razumihin that he showed his true
nature at once, whatever mood he might be in, so that people quickly saw
the sort of man they had to deal with.
"You can't go to the landlady, that's perfect
nonsense!" he cried. "If you stay, though you are his mother,
you'll drive him to a frenzy, and then goodness knows what will happen!
Listen, I'll tell you what I'll do: Nastasya will stay with him now, and
I'll conduct you both home, you can't be in the streets alone;
Petersburg is an awful place in that way.... But no matter! Then I'll
run straight back here and a quarter of an hour later, on my word of
honour, I'll bring you news how he is, whether he is asleep, and all
that. Then, listen! Then I'll run home in a twinkling—I've a lot of
friends there, all drunk—I'll fetch Zossimov—that's the doctor who
is looking after him, he is there, too, but he is not drunk; he is not
drunk, he is never drunk! I'll drag him to Rodya, and then to you, so
that you'll get two reports in the hour—from the doctor, you
understand, from the doctor himself, that's a very different thing from
my account of him! If there's anything wrong, I swear I'll bring you
here myself, but, if it's all right, you go to bed. And I'll spend the
night here, in the passage, he won't hear me, and I'll tell Zossimov to
sleep at the landlady's, to be at hand. Which is better for him: you or
the doctor? So come home then! But the landlady is out of the question;
it's all right for me, but it's out of the question for you: she
wouldn't take you, for she's... for she's a fool... She'd be jealous on
my account of Avdotya Romanovna and of you, too, if you want to know...
of Avdotya Romanovna certainly. She is an absolutely, absolutely
unaccountable character! But I am a fool, too!... No matter! Come along!
Do you trust me? Come, do you trust me or not?"
"Let us go, mother," said Avdotya
Romanovna, "he will certainly do what he has promised. He has saved
Rodya already, and if the doctor really will consent to spend the night
here, what could be better?"
"You see, you... you... understand me,
because you are an angel!" Razumihin cried in ecstasy, "let us
go! Nastasya! Fly upstairs and sit with him with a light; I'll come in a
quarter of an hour."
Though Pulcheria Alexandrovna was not perfectly
convinced, she made no further resistance. Razumihin gave an arm to each
and drew them down the stairs. He still made her uneasy, as though he
was competent and good-natured, was he capable of carrying out his
promise? He seemed in such a condition....
"Ah, I see you think I am in such a
condition!" Razumihin broke in upon her thoughts, guessing them, as
he strolled along the pavement with huge steps, so that the two ladies
could hardly keep up with him, a fact he did not observe, however.
"Nonsense! That is... I am drunk like a fool, but that's not it; I
am not drunk from wine. It's seeing you has turned my head... But don't
mind me! Don't take any notice: I am talking nonsense, I am not worthy
of you.... I am utterly unworthy of you! The minute I've taken you home,
I'll pour a couple of pailfuls of water over my head in the gutter here,
and then I shall be all right.... If only you knew how I love you both!
Don't laugh, and don't be angry! You may be angry with anyone, but not
with me! I am his friend, and therefore I am your friend, too, I want to
be... I had a presentiment... Last year there was a moment... though it
wasn't a presentiment really, for you seem to have fallen from heaven.
And I expect I shan't sleep all night... Zossimov was afraid a little
time ago that he would go mad... that's why he mustn't be
irritated."
"What do you say?" cried the mother.
"Did the doctor really say that?" asked
Avdotya Romanovna, alarmed.
"Yes, but it's not so, not a bit of it. He
gave him some medicine, a powder, I saw it, and then your coming
here.... Ah! It would have been better if you had come to-morrow. It's a
good thing we went away. And in an hour Zossimov himself will report to
you about everything. He is not drunk! And I shan't be drunk.... And
what made me get so tight? Because they got me into an argument, damn
them! I've sworn never to argue! They talk such trash! I almost came to
blows! I've left my uncle to preside. Would you believe, they insist on
complete absence of individualism and that's just what they relish! Not
to be themselves, to be as unlike themselves as they can. That's what
they regard as the highest point of progress. If only their nonsense
were their own, but as it is..."
"Listen!" Pulcheria Alexandrovna
interrupted timidly, but it only added fuel to the flames.
"What do you think?" shouted Razumihin,
louder than ever, "you think I am attacking them for talking
nonsense? Not a bit! I like them to talk nonsense. That's man's one
privilege over all creation. Through error you come to the truth! I am a
man because I err! You never reach any truth without making fourteen
mistakes and very likely a hundred and fourteen. And a fine thing, too,
in its way; but we can't even make mistakes on our own account! Talk
nonsense, but talk your own nonsense, and I'll kiss you for it. To go
wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's. In
the first case you are a man, in the second you're no better than a
bird. Truth won't escape you, but life can be cramped. There have been
examples. And what are we doing now? In science, development, thought,
invention, ideals, aims, liberalism, judgment, experience and
everything, everything, everything, we are still in the preparatory
class at school. We prefer to live on other people's ideas, it's what we
are used to! Am I right, am I right?" cried Razumihin, pressing and
shaking the two ladies' hands.
"Oh, mercy, I do not know," cried poor
Pulcheria Alexandrovna.
"Yes, yes... though I don't agree with you in
everything," added Avdotya Romanovna earnestly and at once uttered
a cry, for he squeezed her hand so painfully.
"Yes, you say yes... well after that you...
you..." he cried in a transport, "you are a fount of goodness,
purity, sense... and perfection. Give me your hand... you give me yours,
too! I want to kiss your hands here at once, on my knees..." and he
fell on his knees on the pavement, fortunately at that time deserted.
"Leave off, I entreat you, what are you
doing?" Pulcheria Alexandrovna cried, greatly distressed.
"Get up, get up!" said Dounia laughing,
though she, too, was upset.
"Not for anything till you let me kiss your
hands! That's it! Enough! I get up and we'll go on! I am a luckless
fool, I am unworthy of you and drunk... and I am ashamed.... I am not
worthy to love you, but to do homage to you is the duty of every man who
is not a perfect beast! And I've done homage.... Here are your lodgings,
and for that alone Rodya was right in driving your Pyotr Petrovitch
away.... How dare he! how dare he put you in such lodgings! It's a
scandal! Do you know the sort of people they take in here? And you his
betrothed! You are his betrothed? Yes? Well, then, I'll tell you, your fiancé
is a scoundrel."
"Excuse me, Mr. Razumihin, you are
forgetting..." Pulcheria Alexandrovna was beginning.
"Yes, yes, you are right, I did forget
myself, I am ashamed of it," Razumihin made haste to apologise.
"But... but you can't be angry with me for speaking so! For I speak
sincerely and not because... hm, hm! That would be disgraceful; in fact
not because I'm in... hm! Well, anyway, I won't say why, I daren't....
But we all saw to-day when he came in that that man is not of our sort.
Not because he had his hair curled at the barber's, not because he was
in such a hurry to show his wit, but because he is a spy, a speculator,
because he is a skin-flint and a buffoon. That's evident. Do you think
him clever? No, he is a fool, a fool. And is he a match for you? Good
heavens! Do you see, ladies?" he stopped suddenly on the way
upstairs to their rooms, "though all my friends there are drunk,
yet they are all honest, and though we do talk a lot of trash, and I do,
too, yet we shall talk our way to the truth at last, for we are on the
right path, while Pyotr Petrovitch... is not on the right path. Though
I've been calling them all sorts of names just now, I do respect them
all... though I don't respect Zametov, I like him, for he is a puppy,
and that bullock Zossimov, because he is an honest man and knows his
work. But enough, it's all said and forgiven. Is it forgiven? Well,
then, let's go on. I know this corridor, I've been here, there was a
scandal here at Number 3.... Where are you here? Which number? eight?
Well, lock yourselves in for the night, then. Don't let anybody in. In a
quarter of an hour I'll come back with news, and half an hour later I'll
bring Zossimov, you'll see! Good-bye, I'll run."
"Good heavens, Dounia, what is going to
happen?" said Pulcheria Alexandrovna, addressing her daughter with
anxiety and dismay.
"Don't worry yourself, mother," said
Dounia, taking off her hat and cape. "God has sent this gentleman
to our aid, though he has come from a drinking party. We can depend on
him, I assure you. And all that he has done for Rodya...."
"Ah. Dounia, goodness knows whether he will
come! How could I bring myself to leave Rodya?... And how different, how
different I had fancied our meeting! How sullen he was, as though not
pleased to see us...."
Tears came into her eyes.
"No, it's not that, mother. You didn't see,
you were crying all the time. He is quite unhinged by serious
illness—that's the reason."
"Ah, that illness! What will happen, what
will happen? And how he talked to you, Dounia!" said the mother,
looking timidly at her daughter, trying to read her thoughts and,
already half consoled by Dounia's standing up for her brother, which
meant that she had already forgiven him. "I am sure he will think
better of it to-morrow," she added, probing her further.
"And I am sure that he will say the same
to-morrow... about that," Avdotya Romanovna said finally. And, of
course, there was no going beyond that, for this was a point which
Pulcheria Alexandrovna was afraid to discuss. Dounia went up and kissed
her mother. The latter warmly embraced her without speaking. Then she
sat down to wait anxiously for Razumihin's return, timidly watching her
daughter who walked up and down the room with her arms folded, lost in
thought. This walking up and down when she was thinking was a habit of
Avdotya Romanovna's and the mother was always afraid to break in on her
daughter's mood at such moments.
Razumihin, of course, was ridiculous in his sudden
drunken infatuation for Avdotya Romanovna. Yet apart from his eccentric
condition, many people would have thought it justified if they had seen
Avdotya Romanovna, especially at that moment when she was walking to and
fro with folded arms, pensive and melancholy. Avdotya Romanovna was
remarkably good looking; she was tall, strikingly well-proportioned,
strong and self-reliant—the latter quality was apparent in every
gesture, though it did not in the least detract from the grace and
softness of her movements. In face she resembled her brother, but she
might be described as really beautiful. Her hair was dark brown, a
little lighter than her brother's; there was a proud light in her almost
black eyes and yet at times a look of extraordinary kindness. She was
pale, but it was a healthy pallor; her face was radiant with freshness
and vigour. Her mouth was rather small; the full red lower lip projected
a little as did her chin; it was the only irregularity in her beautiful
face, but it gave it a peculiarly individual and almost haughty
expression. Her face was always more serious and thoughtful than gay;
but how well smiles, how well youthful, lighthearted, irresponsible,
laughter suited her face! It was natural enough that a warm, open,
simple-hearted, honest giant like Razumihin, who had never seen anyone
like her and was not quite sober at the time, should lose his head
immediately. Besides, as chance would have it, he saw Dounia for the
first time transfigured by her love for her brother and her joy at
meeting him. Afterwards he saw her lower lip quiver with indignation at
her brother's insolent, cruel and ungrateful words—and his fate was
sealed.
He had spoken the truth, moreover, when he blurted
out in his drunken talk on the stairs that Praskovya Pavlovna,
Raskolnikov's eccentric landlady, would be jealous of Pulcheria
Alexandrovna as well as of Avdotya Romanovna on his account. Although
Pulcheria Alexandrovna was forty-three, her face still retained traces
of her former beauty; she looked much younger than her age, indeed,
which is almost always the case with women who retain serenity of
spirit, sensitiveness and pure sincere warmth of heart to old age. We
may add in parenthesis that to preserve all this is the only means of
retaining beauty to old age. Her hair had begun to grow grey and thin,
there had long been little crow's foot wrinkles round her eyes, her
cheeks were hollow and sunken from anxiety and grief, and yet it was a
handsome face. She was Dounia over again, twenty years older, but
without the projecting underlip. Pulcheria Alexandrovna was emotional,
but not sentimental, timid and yielding, but only to a certain point.
She could give way and accept a great deal even of what was contrary to
her convictions, but there was a certain barrier fixed by honesty,
principle and the deepest convictions which nothing would induce her to
cross.
Exactly twenty minutes after Razumihin's
departure, there came two subdued but hurried knocks at the door: he had
come back.
"I won't come in, I haven't time," he
hastened to say when the door was opened. "He sleeps like a top,
soundly, quietly, and God grant he may sleep ten hours. Nastasya's with
him; I told her not to leave till I came. Now I am fetching Zossimov, he
will report to you and then you'd better turn in; I can see you are too
tired to do anything...."
And he ran off down the corridor.
"What a very competent and... devoted young
man!" cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna exceedingly delighted.
"He seems a splendid person!" Avdotya
Romanovna replied with some warmth, resuming her walk up and down the
room.
It was nearly an hour later when they heard
footsteps in the corridor and another knock at the door. Both women
waited this time completely relying on Razumihin's promise; he actually
had succeeded in bringing Zossimov. Zossimov had agreed at once to
desert the drinking party to go to Raskolnikov's, but he came
reluctantly and with the greatest suspicion to see the ladies,
mistrusting Razumihin in his exhilarated condition. But his vanity was
at once reassured and flattered; he saw that they were really expecting
him as an oracle. He stayed just ten minutes and succeeded in completely
convincing and comforting Pulcheria Alexandrovna. He spoke with marked
sympathy, but with the reserve and extreme seriousness of a young doctor
at an important consultation. He did not utter a word on any other
subject and did not display the slightest desire to enter into more
personal relations with the two ladies. Remarking at his first entrance
the dazzling beauty of Avdotya Romanovna, he endeavoured not to notice
her at all during his visit and addressed himself solely to Pulcheria
Alexandrovna. All this gave him extraordinary inward satisfaction. He
declared that he thought the invalid at this moment going on very
satisfactorily. According to his observations the patient's illness was
due partly to his unfortunate material surroundings during the last few
months, but it had partly also a moral origin, "was, so to speak,
the product of several material and moral influences, anxieties,
apprehensions, troubles, certain ideas... and so on." Noticing
stealthily that Avdotya Romanovna was following his words with close
attention, Zossimov allowed himself to enlarge on this theme. On
Pulcheria Alexandrovna's anxiously and timidly inquiring as to
"some suspicion of insanity," he replied with a composed and
candid smile that his words had been exaggerated; that certainly the
patient had some fixed idea, something approaching a monomania—he,
Zossimov, was now particularly studying this interesting branch of
medicine—but that it must be recollected that until to-day the patient
had been in delirium and... and that no doubt the presence of his family
would have a favourable effect on his recovery and distract his mind,
"if only all fresh shocks can be avoided," he added
significantly. Then he got up, took leave with an impressive and affable
bow, while blessings, warm gratitude, and entreaties were showered upon
him, and Avdotya Romanovna spontaneously offered her hand to him. He
went out exceedingly pleased with his visit and still more so with
himself.
"We'll talk to-morrow; go to bed at
once!" Razumihin said in conclusion, following Zossimov out.
"I'll be with you to-morrow morning as early as possible with my
report."
"That's a fetching little girl, Avdotya
Romanovna," remarked Zossimov, almost licking his lips as they both
came out into the street.
"Fetching? You said fetching?" roared
Razumihin and he flew at Zossimov and seized him by the throat. "If
you ever dare.... Do you understand? Do you understand?" he
shouted, shaking him by the collar and squeezing him against the wall.
"Do you hear?"
"Let me go, you drunken devil," said
Zossimov, struggling and when he had let him go, he stared at him and
went off into a sudden guffaw. Razumihin stood facing him in gloomy and
earnest reflection.
"Of course, I am an ass," he observed,
sombre as a storm cloud, "but still... you are another."
"No, brother, not at all such another. I am
not dreaming of any folly."
They walked along in silence and only when they
were close to Raskolnikov's lodgings, Razumihin broke the silence in
considerable anxiety.
"Listen," he said, "you're a
first-rate fellow, but among your other failings, you're a loose fish,
that I know, and a dirty one, too. You are a feeble, nervous wretch, and
a mass of whims, you're getting fat and lazy and can't deny yourself
anything—and I call that dirty because it leads one straight into the
dirt. You've let yourself get so slack that I don't know how it is you
are still a good, even a devoted doctor. You—a doctor—sleep on a
feather bed and get up at night to your patients! In another three or
four years you won't get up for your patients... But hang it all, that's
not the point!... You are going to spend to-night in the landlady's flat
here. (Hard work I've had to persuade her!) And I'll be in the kitchen.
So here's a chance for you to get to know her better.... It's not as you
think! There's not a trace of anything of the sort, brother...!"
"But I don't think!"
"Here you have modesty, brother, silence,
bashfulness, a savage virtue... and yet she's sighing and melting like
wax, simply melting! Save me from her, by all that's unholy! She's most
prepossessing... I'll repay you, I'll do anything...."
Zossimov laughed more violently than ever.
"Well, you are smitten! But what am I to do
with her?"
"It won't be much trouble, I assure you. Talk
any rot you like to her, as long as you sit by her and talk. You're a
doctor, too; try curing her of something. I swear you won't regret it.
She has a piano, and you know, I strum a little. I have a song there, a
genuine Russian one: 'I shed hot tears.' She likes the genuine
article—and well, it all began with that song; Now you're a regular
performer, a maître, a Rubinstein.... I assure you, you won't
regret it!"
"But have you made her some promise?
Something signed? A promise of marriage, perhaps?"
"Nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing of the
kind! Besides she is not that sort at all.... Tchebarov tried
that...."
"Well then, drop her!"
"But I can't drop her like that!"
"Why can't you?"
"Well, I can't, that's all about it! There's
an element of attraction here, brother."
"Then why have you fascinated her?"
"I haven't fascinated her; perhaps I was
fascinated myself in my folly. But she won't care a straw whether it's
you or I, so long as somebody sits beside her, sighing.... I can't
explain the position, brother... look here, you are good at mathematics,
and working at it now... begin teaching her the integral calculus; upon
my soul, I'm not joking, I'm in earnest, it'll be just the same to her.
She will gaze at you and sigh for a whole year together. I talked to her
once for two days at a time about the Prussian House of Lords (for one
must talk of something)—she just sighed and perspired! And you mustn't
talk of love—she's bashful to hysterics—but just let her see you
can't tear yourself away—that's enough. It's fearfully comfortable;
you're quite at home, you can read, sit, lie about, write. You may even
venture on a kiss, if you're careful."
"But what do I want with her?"
"Ach, I can't make you understand! You see,
you are made for each other! I have often been reminded of you!...
You'll come to it in the end! So does it matter whether it's sooner or
later? There's the feather-bed element here, brother—ach! and not only
that! There's an attraction here—here you have the end of the world,
an anchorage, a quiet haven, the navel of the earth, the three fishes
that are the foundation of the world, the essence of pancakes, of
savoury fish-pies, of the evening samovar, of soft sighs and warm
shawls, and hot stoves to sleep on—as snug as though you were dead,
and yet you're alive—the advantages of both at once! Well, hang it,
brother, what stuff I'm talking, it's bedtime! Listen. I sometimes wake
up at night; so I'll go in and look at him. But there's no need, it's
all right. Don't you worry yourself, yet if you like, you might just
look in once, too. But if you notice anything—delirium or fever—wake
me at once. But there can't be...."
CHAPTER II
Razumihin waked up next morning at eight o'clock,
troubled and serious. He found himself confronted with many new and
unlooked-for perplexities. He had never expected that he would ever wake
up feeling like that. He remembered every detail of the previous day and
he knew that a perfectly novel experience had befallen him, that he had
received an impression unlike anything he had known before. At the same
time he recognised clearly that the dream which had fired his
imagination was hopelessly unattainable—so unattainable that he felt
positively ashamed of it, and he hastened to pass to the other more
practical cares and difficulties bequeathed him by that "thrice
accursed yesterday."
The most awful recollection of the previous day
was the way he had shown himself "base and mean," not only
because he had been drunk, but because he had taken advantage of the
young girl's position to abuse her fiancé in his stupid
jealousy, knowing nothing of their mutual relations and obligations and
next to nothing of the man himself. And what right had he to criticise
him in that hasty and unguarded manner? Who had asked for his opinion?
Was it thinkable that such a creature as Avdotya Romanovna would be
marrying an unworthy man for money? So there must be something in him.
The lodgings? But after all how could he know the character of the
lodgings? He was furnishing a flat... Foo! how despicable it all was!
And what justification was it that he was drunk? Such a stupid excuse
was even more degrading! In wine is truth, and the truth had all come
out, "that is, all the uncleanness of his coarse and envious
heart"! And would such a dream ever be permissible to him,
Razumihin? What was he beside such a girl—he, the drunken noisy
braggart of last night? Was it possible to imagine so absurd and cynical
a juxtaposition? Razumihin blushed desperately at the very idea and
suddenly the recollection forced itself vividly upon him of how he had
said last night on the stairs that the landlady would be jealous of
Avdotya Romanovna... that was simply intolerable. He brought his fist
down heavily on the kitchen stove, hurt his hand and sent one of the
bricks flying.
"Of course," he muttered to himself a
minute later with a feeling of self-abasement, "of course, all
these infamies can never be wiped out or smoothed over... and so it's
useless even to think of it, and I must go to them in silence and do my
duty... in silence, too... and not ask forgiveness, and say nothing...
for all is lost now!"
And yet as he dressed he examined his attire more
carefully than usual. He hadn't another suit—if he had had, perhaps he
wouldn't have put it on. "I would have made a point of not putting
it on." But in any case he could not remain a cynic and a dirty
sloven; he had no right to offend the feelings of others, especially
when they were in need of his assistance and asking him to see them. He
brushed his clothes carefully. His linen was always decent; in that
respect he was especially clean.
He washed that morning scrupulously—he got some
soap from Nastasya—he washed his hair, his neck and especially his
hands. When it came to the question whether to shave his stubbly chin or
not (Praskovya Pavlovna had capital razors that had been left by her
late husband), the question was angrily answered in the negative.
"Let it stay as it is! What if they think that I shaved on purpose
to...? They certainly would think so! Not on any account!"
"And... the worst of it was he was so coarse,
so dirty, he had the manners of a pothouse; and... and even admitting
that he knew he had some of the essentials of a gentleman... what was
there in that to be proud of? Everyone ought to be a gentleman and more
than that... and all the same (he remembered) he, too, had done little
things... not exactly dishonest, and yet.... And what thoughts he
sometimes had; hm... and to set all that beside Avdotya Romanovna!
Confound it! So be it! Well, he'd make a point then of being dirty,
greasy, pothouse in his manners and he wouldn't care! He'd be
worse!"
He was engaged in such monologues when Zossimov,
who had spent the night in Praskovya Pavlovna's parlour, came in.
He was going home and was in a hurry to look at
the invalid first. Razumihin informed him that Raskolnikov was sleeping
like a dormouse. Zossimov gave orders that they shouldn't wake him and
promised to see him again about eleven.
"If he is still at home," he added.
"Damn it all! If one can't control one's patients, how is one to
cure them? Do you know whether he will go to them, or whether they
are coming here?"
"They are coming, I think," said
Razumihin, understanding the object of the question, "and they will
discuss their family affairs, no doubt. I'll be off. You, as the doctor,
have more right to be here than I."
"But I am not a father confessor; I shall
come and go away; I've plenty to do besides looking after them."
"One thing worries me," interposed
Razumihin, frowning. "On the way home I talked a lot of drunken
nonsense to him... all sorts of things... and amongst them that you were
afraid that he... might become insane."
"You told the ladies so, too."
"I know it was stupid! You may beat me if you
like! Did you think so seriously?"
"That's nonsense, I tell you, how could I
think it seriously? You, yourself, described him as a monomaniac when
you fetched me to him... and we added fuel to the fire yesterday, you
did, that is, with your story about the painter; it was a nice
conversation, when he was, perhaps, mad on that very point! If only I'd
known what happened then at the police station and that some wretch...
had insulted him with this suspicion! Hm... I would not have allowed
that conversation yesterday. These monomaniacs will make a mountain out
of a mole-hill... and see their fancies as solid realities.... As far as
I remember, it was Zametov's story that cleared up half the mystery, to
my mind. Why, I know one case in which a hypochondriac, a man of forty,
cut the throat of a little boy of eight, because he couldn't endure the
jokes he made every day at table! And in this case his rags, the
insolent police officer, the fever and this suspicion! All that working
upon a man half frantic with hypochondria, and with his morbid
exceptional vanity! That may well have been the starting-point of
illness. Well, bother it all!... And, by the way, that Zametov certainly
is a nice fellow, but hm... he shouldn't have told all that last night.
He is an awful chatterbox!"
"But whom did he tell it to? You and
me?"
"And Porfiry."
"What does that matter?"
"And, by the way, have you any influence on
them, his mother and sister? Tell them to be more careful with him
to-day...."
"They'll get on all right!" Razumihin
answered reluctantly.
"Why is he so set against this Luzhin? A man
with money and she doesn't seem to dislike him... and they haven't a
farthing, I suppose? eh?"
"But what business is it of yours?"
Razumihin cried with annoyance. "How can I tell whether they've a
farthing? Ask them yourself and perhaps you'll find out...."
"Foo! what an ass you are sometimes! Last
night's wine has not gone off yet.... Good-bye; thank your Praskovya
Pavlovna from me for my night's lodging. She locked herself in, made no
reply to my bonjour through the door; she was up at seven
o'clock, the samovar was taken into her from the kitchen. I was not
vouchsafed a personal interview...."
At nine o'clock precisely Razumihin reached the
lodgings at Bakaleyev's house. Both ladies were waiting for him with
nervous impatience. They had risen at seven o'clock or earlier. He
entered looking as black as night, bowed awkwardly and was at once
furious with himself for it. He had reckoned without his host: Pulcheria
Alexandrovna fairly rushed at him, seized him by both hands and was
almost kissing them. He glanced timidly at Avdotya Romanovna, but her
proud countenance wore at that moment an expression of such gratitude
and friendliness, such complete and unlooked-for respect (in place of
the sneering looks and ill-disguised contempt he had expected), that it
threw him into greater confusion than if he had been met with abuse.
Fortunately there was a subject for conversation, and he made haste to
snatch at it.
Hearing that everything was going well and that
Rodya had not yet waked, Pulcheria Alexandrovna declared that she was
glad to hear it, because "she had something which it was very, very
necessary to talk over beforehand." Then followed an inquiry about
breakfast and an invitation to have it with them; they had waited to
have it with him. Avdotya Romanovna rang the bell: it was answered by a
ragged dirty waiter, and they asked him to bring tea which was served at
last, but in such a dirty and disorderly way that the ladies were
ashamed. Razumihin vigorously attacked the lodgings, but, remembering
Luzhin, stopped in embarrassment and was greatly relieved by Pulcheria
Alexandrovna's questions, which showered in a continual stream upon him.
He talked for three quarters of an hour, being
constantly interrupted by their questions, and succeeded in describing
to them all the most important facts he knew of the last year of
Raskolnikov's life, concluding with a circumstantial account of his
illness. He omitted, however, many things, which were better omitted,
including the scene at the police station with all its consequences.
They listened eagerly to his story, and, when he thought he had finished
and satisfied his listeners, he found that they considered he had hardly
begun.
"Tell me, tell me! What do you think...?
Excuse me, I still don't know your name!" Pulcheria Alexandrovna
put in hastily.
"Dmitri Prokofitch."
"I should like very, very much to know,
Dmitri Prokofitch... how he looks... on things in general now, that is,
how can I explain, what are his likes and dislikes? Is he always so
irritable? Tell me, if you can, what are his hopes and, so to say, his
dreams? Under what influences is he now? In a word, I should
like..."
"Ah, mother, how can he answer all that at
once?" observed Dounia.
"Good heavens, I had not expected to find him
in the least like this, Dmitri Prokofitch!"
"Naturally," answered Razumihin. "I
have no mother, but my uncle comes every year and almost every time he
can scarcely recognise me, even in appearance, though he is a clever
man; and your three years' separation means a great deal. What am I to
tell you? I have known Rodion for a year and a half; he is morose,
gloomy, proud and haughty, and of late—and perhaps for a long time
before—he has been suspicious and fanciful. He has a noble nature and
a kind heart. He does not like showing his feelings and would rather do
a cruel thing than open his heart freely. Sometimes, though, he is not
at all morbid, but simply cold and inhumanly callous; it's as though he
were alternating between two characters. Sometimes he is fearfully
reserved! He says he is so busy that everything is a hindrance, and yet
he lies in bed doing nothing. He doesn't jeer at things, not because he
hasn't the wit, but as though he hadn't time to waste on such trifles.
He never listens to what is said to him. He is never interested in what
interests other people at any given moment. He thinks very highly of
himself and perhaps he is right. Well, what more? I think your arrival
will have a most beneficial influence upon him."
"God grant it may," cried Pulcheria
Alexandrovna, distressed by Razumihin's account of her Rodya.
And Razumihin ventured to look more boldly at
Avdotya Romanovna at last. He glanced at her often while he was talking,
but only for a moment and looked away again at once. Avdotya Romanovna
sat at the table, listening attentively, then got up again and began
walking to and fro with her arms folded and her lips compressed,
occasionally putting in a question, without stopping her walk. She had
the same habit of not listening to what was said. She was wearing a
dress of thin dark stuff and she had a white transparent scarf round her
neck. Razumihin soon detected signs of extreme poverty in their
belongings. Had Avdotya Romanovna been dressed like a queen, he felt
that he would not be afraid of her, but perhaps just because she was
poorly dressed and that he noticed all the misery of her surroundings,
his heart was filled with dread and he began to be afraid of every word
he uttered, every gesture he made, which was very trying for a man who
already felt diffident.
"You've told us a great deal that is
interesting about my brother's character... and have told it
impartially. I am glad. I thought that you were too uncritically devoted
to him," observed Avdotya Romanovna with a smile. "I think you
are right that he needs a woman's care," she added thoughtfully.
"I didn't say so; but I daresay you are
right, only..."
"What?"
"He loves no one and perhaps he never
will," Razumihin declared decisively.
"You mean he is not capable of love?"
"Do you know, Avdotya Romanovna, you are
awfully like your brother, in everything, indeed!" he blurted out
suddenly to his own surprise, but remembering at once what he had just
before said of her brother, he turned as red as a crab and was overcome
with confusion. Avdotya Romanovna couldn't help laughing when she looked
at him.
"You may both be mistaken about Rodya,"
Pulcheria Alexandrovna remarked, slightly piqued. "I am not talking
of our present difficulty, Dounia. What Pyotr Petrovitch writes in this
letter and what you and I have supposed may be mistaken, but you can't
imagine, Dmitri Prokofitch, how moody and, so to say, capricious he is.
I never could depend on what he would do when he was only fifteen. And I
am sure that he might do something now that nobody else would think of
doing... Well, for instance, do you know how a year and a half ago he
astounded me and gave me a shock that nearly killed me, when he had the
idea of marrying that girl—what was her name—his landlady's
daughter?"
"Did you hear about that affair?" asked
Avdotya Romanovna.
"Do you suppose——" Pulcheria
Alexandrovna continued warmly. "Do you suppose that my tears, my
entreaties, my illness, my possible death from grief, our poverty would
have made him pause? No, he would calmly have disregarded all obstacles.
And yet it isn't that he doesn't love us!"
"He has never spoken a word of that affair to
me," Razumihin answered cautiously. "But I did hear something
from Praskovya Pavlovna herself, though she is by no means a gossip. And
what I heard certainly was rather strange."
"And what did you hear?" both the ladies
asked at once.
"Well, nothing very special. I only learned
that the marriage, which only failed to take place through the girl's
death, was not at all to Praskovya Pavlovna's liking. They say, too, the
girl was not at all pretty, in fact I am told positively ugly... and
such an invalid... and queer. But she seems to have had some good
qualities. She must have had some good qualities or it's quite
inexplicable.... She had no money either and he wouldn't have considered
her money.... But it's always difficult to judge in such matters."
"I am sure she was a good girl," Avdotya
Romanovna observed briefly.
"God forgive me, I simply rejoiced at her
death. Though I don't know which of them would have caused most misery
to the other—he to her or she to him," Pulcheria Alexandrovna
concluded. Then she began tentatively questioning him about the scene on
the previous day with Luzhin, hesitating and continually glancing at
Dounia, obviously to the latter's annoyance. This incident more than all
the rest evidently caused her uneasiness, even consternation. Razumihin
described it in detail again, but this time he added his own
conclusions: he openly blamed Raskolnikov for intentionally insulting
Pyotr Petrovitch, not seeking to excuse him on the score of his illness.
"He had planned it before his illness,"
he added.
"I think so, too," Pulcheria
Alexandrovna agreed with a dejected air. But she was very much surprised
at hearing Razumihin express himself so carefully and even with a
certain respect about Pyotr Petrovitch. Avdotya Romanovna, too, was
struck by it.
"So this is your opinion of Pyotr
Petrovitch?" Pulcheria Alexandrovna could not resist asking.
"I can have no other opinion of your
daughter's future husband," Razumihin answered firmly and with
warmth, "and I don't say it simply from vulgar politeness, but
because... simply because Avdotya Romanovna has of her own free will
deigned to accept this man. If I spoke so rudely of him last night, it
was because I was disgustingly drunk and... mad besides; yes, mad,
crazy, I lost my head completely... and this morning I am ashamed of
it."
He crimsoned and ceased speaking. Avdotya
Romanovna flushed, but did not break the silence. She had not uttered a
word from the moment they began to speak of Luzhin.
Without her support Pulcheria Alexandrovna
obviously did not know what to do. At last, faltering and continually
glancing at her daughter, she confessed that she was exceedingly worried
by one circumstance.
"You see, Dmitri Prokofitch," she began.
"I'll be perfectly open with Dmitri Prokofitch, Dounia?"
"Of course, mother," said Avdotya
Romanovna emphatically.
"This is what it is," she began in
haste, as though the permission to speak of her trouble lifted a weight
off her mind. "Very early this morning we got a note from Pyotr
Petrovitch in reply to our letter announcing our arrival. He promised to
meet us at the station, you know; instead of that he sent a servant to
bring us the address of these lodgings and to show us the way; and he
sent a message that he would be here himself this morning. But this
morning this note came from him. You'd better read it yourself; there is
one point in it which worries me very much... you will soon see what
that is, and... tell me your candid opinion, Dmitri Prokofitch! You know
Rodya's character better than anyone and no one can advise us better
than you can. Dounia, I must tell you, made her decision at once, but I
still don't feel sure how to act and I... I've been waiting for your
opinion."
Razumihin opened the note which was dated the
previous evening and read as follows:
"Dear Madam, Pulcheria Alexandrovna, I have
the honour to inform you that owing to unforeseen obstacles I was
rendered unable to meet you at the railway station; I sent a very
competent person with the same object in view. I likewise shall be
deprived of the honour of an interview with you to-morrow morning by
business in the Senate that does not admit of delay, and also that I may
not intrude on your family circle while you are meeting your son, and
Avdotya Romanovna her brother. I shall have the honour of visiting you
and paying you my respects at your lodgings not later than to-morrow
evening at eight o'clock precisely, and herewith I venture to present my
earnest and, I may add, imperative request that Rodion Romanovitch may
not be present at our interview—as he offered me a gross and
unprecedented affront on the occasion of my visit to him in his illness
yesterday, and, moreover, since I desire from you personally an
indispensable and circumstantial explanation upon a certain point, in
regard to which I wish to learn your own interpretation. I have the
honour to inform you, in anticipation, that if, in spite of my request,
I meet Rodion Romanovitch, I shall be compelled to withdraw immediately
and then you have only yourself to blame. I write on the assumption that
Rodion Romanovitch who appeared so ill at my visit, suddenly recovered
two hours later and so, being able to leave the house, may visit you
also. I was confirmed in that belief by the testimony of my own eyes in
the lodging of a drunken man who was run over and has since died, to
whose daughter, a young woman of notorious behaviour, he gave
twenty-five roubles on the pretext of the funeral, which gravely
surprised me knowing what pains you were at to raise that sum. Herewith
expressing my special respect to your estimable daughter, Avdotya
Romanovna, I beg you to accept the respectful homage of
"Your humble servant,
"P. LUZHIN."
"What am I to do now, Dmitri
Prokofitch?" began Pulcheria Alexandrovna, almost weeping.
"How can I ask Rodya not to come? Yesterday he insisted so
earnestly on our refusing Pyotr Petrovitch and now we are ordered not to
receive Rodya! He will come on purpose if he knows, and... what will
happen then?"
"Act on Avdotya Romanovna's decision,"
Razumihin answered calmly at once.
"Oh, dear me! She says... goodness knows what
she says, she doesn't explain her object! She says that it would be
best, at least, not that it would be best, but that it's absolutely
necessary that Rodya should make a point of being here at eight o'clock
and that they must meet.... I didn't want even to show him the letter,
but to prevent him from coming by some stratagem with your help...
because he is so irritable.... Besides I don't understand about that
drunkard who died and that daughter, and how he could have given the
daughter all the money... which..."
"Which cost you such sacrifice, mother,"
put in Avdotya Romanovna.
"He was not himself yesterday,"
Razumihin said thoughtfully, "if you only knew what he was up to in
a restaurant yesterday, though there was sense in it too.... Hm! He did
say something, as we were going home yesterday evening, about a dead man
and a girl, but I didn't understand a word.... But last night, I
myself..."
"The best thing, mother, will be for us to go
to him ourselves and there I assure you we shall see at once what's to
be done. Besides, it's getting late—good heavens, it's past ten,"
she cried looking at a splendid gold enamelled watch which hung round
her neck on a thin Venetian chain, and looked entirely out of keeping
with the rest of her dress. "A present from her fiancé,"
thought Razumihin.
"We must start, Dounia, we must start,"
her mother cried in a flutter. "He will be thinking we are still
angry after yesterday, from our coming so late. Merciful heavens!"
While she said this she was hurriedly putting on
her hat and mantle; Dounia, too, put on her things. Her gloves, as
Razumihin noticed, were not merely shabby but had holes in them, and yet
this evident poverty gave the two ladies an air of special dignity,
which is always found in people who know how to wear poor clothes.
Razumihin looked reverently at Dounia and felt proud of escorting her.
"The queen who mended her stockings in prison," he thought,
"must have looked then every inch a queen and even more a queen
than at sumptuous banquets and levées."
"My God!" exclaimed Pulcheria
Alexandrovna, "little did I think that I should ever fear seeing my
son, my darling, darling Rodya! I am afraid, Dmitri Prokofitch,"
she added, glancing at him timidly.
"Don't be afraid, mother," said Dounia,
kissing her, "better have faith in him."
"Oh, dear, I have faith in him, but I haven't
slept all night," exclaimed the poor woman.
They came out into the street.
"Do you know, Dounia, when I dozed a little
this morning I dreamed of Marfa Petrovna... she was all in white... she
came up to me, took my hand, and shook her head at me, but so sternly as
though she were blaming me.... Is that a good omen? Oh, dear me! You
don't know, Dmitri Prokofitch, that Marfa Petrovna's dead!"
"No, I didn't know; who is Marfa
Petrovna?"
"She died suddenly; and only fancy..."
"Afterwards, mamma," put in Dounia.
"He doesn't know who Marfa Petrovna is."
"Ah, you don't know? And I was thinking that
you knew all about us. Forgive me, Dmitri Prokofitch, I don't know what
I am thinking about these last few days. I look upon you really as a
providence for us, and so I took it for granted that you knew all about
us. I look on you as a relation.... Don't be angry with me for saying
so. Dear me, what's the matter with your right hand? Have you knocked
it?"
"Yes, I bruised it," muttered Razumihin
overjoyed.
"I sometimes speak too much from the heart,
so that Dounia finds fault with me.... But, dear me, what a cupboard he
lives in! I wonder whether he is awake? Does this woman, his landlady,
consider it a room? Listen, you say he does not like to show his
feelings, so perhaps I shall annoy him with my... weaknesses? Do advise
me, Dmitri Prokofitch, how am I to treat him? I feel quite distracted,
you know."
"Don't question him too much about anything
if you see him frown; don't ask him too much about his health; he
doesn't like that."
"Ah, Dmitri Prokofitch, how hard it is to be
a mother! But here are the stairs.... What an awful staircase!"
"Mother, you are quite pale, don't distress
yourself, darling," said Dounia caressing her, then with flashing
eyes she added: "He ought to be happy at seeing you, and you are
tormenting yourself so."
"Wait, I'll peep in and see whether he has
waked up."
The ladies slowly followed Razumihin, who went on
before, and when they reached the landlady's door on the fourth storey,
they noticed that her door was a tiny crack open and that two keen black
eyes were watching them from the darkness within. When their eyes met,
the door was suddenly shut with such a slam that Pulcheria Alexandrovna
almost cried out.
CHAPTER III
"He is well, quite well!" Zossimov
cried cheerfully as they entered.
He had come in ten minutes earlier and was sitting
in the same place as before, on the sofa. Raskolnikov was sitting in the
opposite corner, fully dressed and carefully washed and combed, as he
had not been for some time past. The room was immediately crowded, yet
Nastasya managed to follow the visitors in and stayed to listen.
Raskolnikov really was almost well, as compared
with his condition the day before, but he was still pale, listless, and
sombre. He looked like a wounded man or one who has undergone some
terrible physical suffering. His brows were knitted, his lips
compressed, his eyes feverish. He spoke little and reluctantly, as
though performing a duty, and there was a restlessness in his movements.
He only wanted a sling on his arm or a bandage on
his finger to complete the impression of a man with a painful abscess or
a broken arm. The pale, sombre face lighted up for a moment when his
mother and sister entered, but this only gave it a look of more intense
suffering, in place of its listless dejection. The light soon died away,
but the look of suffering remained, and Zossimov, watching and studying
his patient with all the zest of a young doctor beginning to practise,
noticed in him no joy at the arrival of his mother and sister, but a
sort of bitter, hidden determination to bear another hour or two of
inevitable torture. He saw later that almost every word of the following
conversation seemed to touch on some sore place and irritate it. But at
the same time he marvelled at the power of controlling himself and
hiding his feelings in a patient who the previous day had, like a
monomaniac, fallen into a frenzy at the slightest word.
"Yes, I see myself now that I am almost
well," said Raskolnikov, giving his mother and sister a kiss of
welcome which made Pulcheria Alexandrovna radiant at once. "And I
don't say this as I did yesterday," he said, addressing
Razumihin, with a friendly pressure of his hand.
"Yes, indeed, I am quite surprised at him
to-day," began Zossimov, much delighted at the ladies' entrance,
for he had not succeeded in keeping up a conversation with his patient
for ten minutes. "In another three or four days, if he goes on like
this, he will be just as before, that is, as he was a month ago, or
two... or perhaps even three. This has been coming on for a long
while.... eh? Confess, now, that it has been perhaps your own
fault?" he added, with a tentative smile, as though still afraid of
irritating him.
"It is very possible," answered
Raskolnikov coldly.
"I should say, too," continued Zossimov
with zest, "that your complete recovery depends solely on yourself.
Now that one can talk to you, I should like to impress upon you that it
is essential to avoid the elementary, so to speak, fundamental causes
tending to produce your morbid condition: in that case you will be
cured, if not, it will go from bad to worse. These fundamental causes I
don't know, but they must be known to you. You are an intelligent man,
and must have observed yourself, of course. I fancy the first stage of
your derangement coincides with your leaving the university. You must
not be left without occupation, and so, work and a definite aim set
before you might, I fancy, be very beneficial."
"Yes, yes; you are perfectly right.... I will
make haste and return to the university: and then everything will go
smoothly...."
Zossimov, who had begun his sage advice partly to
make an effect before the ladies, was certainly somewhat mystified,
when, glancing at his patient, he observed unmistakable mockery on his
face. This lasted an instant, however. Pulcheria Alexandrovna began at
once thanking Zossimov, especially for his visit to their lodging the
previous night.
"What! he saw you last night?"
Raskolnikov asked, as though startled. "Then you have not slept
either after your journey."
"Ach, Rodya, that was only till two o'clock.
Dounia and I never go to bed before two at home."
"I don't know how to thank him either,"
Raskolnikov went on, suddenly frowning and looking down. "Setting
aside the question of payment—forgive me for referring to it (he
turned to Zossimov)—I really don't know what I have done to deserve
such special attention from you! I simply don't understand it... and...
and... it weighs upon me, indeed, because I don't understand it. I tell
you so candidly."
"Don't be irritated." Zossimov forced
himself to laugh. "Assume that you are my first patient—well—we
fellows just beginning to practise love our first patients as if they
were our children, and some almost fall in love with them. And, of
course, I am not rich in patients."
"I say nothing about him," added
Raskolnikov, pointing to Razumihin, "though he has had nothing from
me either but insult and trouble."
"What nonsense he is talking! Why, you are in
a sentimental mood to-day, are you?" shouted Razumihin.
If he had had more penetration he would have seen
that there was no trace of sentimentality in him, but something indeed
quite the opposite. But Avdotya Romanovna noticed it. She was intently
and uneasily watching her brother.
"As for you, mother, I don't dare to
speak," he went on, as though repeating a lesson learned by heart.
"It is only to-day that I have been able to realise a little how
distressed you must have been here yesterday, waiting for me to come
back."
When he had said this, he suddenly held out his
hand to his sister, smiling without a word. But in this smile there was
a flash of real unfeigned feeling. Dounia caught it at once, and warmly
pressed his hand, overjoyed and thankful. It was the first time he had
addressed her since their dispute the previous day. The mother's face
lighted up with ecstatic happiness at the sight of this conclusive
unspoken reconciliation. "Yes, that is what I love him for,"
Razumihin, exaggerating it all, muttered to himself, with a vigorous
turn in his chair. "He has these movements."
"And how well he does it all," the
mother was thinking to herself. "What generous impulses he has, and
how simply, how delicately he put an end to all the misunderstanding
with his sister—simply by holding out his hand at the right minute and
looking at her like that.... And what fine eyes he has, and how fine his
whole face is!... He is even better looking than Dounia.... But, good
heavens, what a suit—how terribly he's dressed!... Vasya, the
messenger boy in Afanasy Ivanitch's shop, is better dressed! I could
rush at him and hug him... weep over him—but I am afraid.... Oh, dear,
he's so strange! He's talking kindly, but I'm afraid! Why, what am I
afraid of?..."
"Oh, Rodya, you wouldn't believe," she
began suddenly, in haste to answer his words to her, "how unhappy
Dounia and I were yesterday! Now that it's all over and done with and we
are quite happy again—I can tell you. Fancy, we ran here almost
straight from the train to embrace you and that woman—ah, here she is!
Good morning, Nastasya!... She told us at once that you were lying in a
high fever and had just run away from the doctor in delirium, and they
were looking for you in the streets. You can't imagine how we felt! I
couldn't help thinking of the tragic end of Lieutenant Potanchikov, a
friend of your father's—you can't remember him, Rodya—who ran out in
the same way in a high fever and fell into the well in the court-yard
and they couldn't pull him out till next day. Of course, we exaggerated
things. We were on the point of rushing to find Pyotr Petrovitch to ask
him to help.... Because we were alone, utterly alone," she said
plaintively and stopped short, suddenly, recollecting it was still
somewhat dangerous to speak of Pyotr Petrovitch, although "we are
quite happy again."
"Yes, yes.... Of course it's very
annoying...." Raskolnikov muttered in reply, but with such a
preoccupied and inattentive air that Dounia gazed at him in perplexity.
"What else was it I wanted to say?" He
went on trying to recollect. "Oh, yes; mother, and you too, Dounia,
please don't think that I didn't mean to come and see you to-day and was
waiting for you to come first."
"What are you saying, Rodya?" cried
Pulcheria Alexandrovna. She, too, was surprised.
"Is he answering us as a duty?" Dounia
wondered. "Is he being reconciled and asking forgiveness as though
he were performing a rite or repeating a lesson?"
"I've only just waked up, and wanted to go to
you, but was delayed owing to my clothes; I forgot yesterday to ask
her... Nastasya... to wash out the blood... I've only just
dressed."
"Blood! What blood?" Pulcheria
Alexandrovna asked in alarm.
"Oh, nothing—don't be uneasy. It was when I
was wandering about yesterday, rather delirious, I chanced upon a man
who had been run over... a clerk..."
"Delirious? But you remember
everything!" Razumihin interrupted.
"That's true," Raskolnikov answered with
special carefulness. "I remember everything even to the slightest
detail, and yet—why I did that and went there and said that, I can't
clearly explain now."
"A familiar phenomenon," interposed
Zossimov, "actions are sometimes performed in a masterly and most
cunning way, while the direction of the actions is deranged and
dependent on various morbid impressions—it's like a dream."
"Perhaps it's a good thing really that he
should think me almost a madman," thought Raskolnikov.
"Why, people in perfect health act in the
same way too," observed Dounia, looking uneasily at Zossimov.
"There is some truth in your
observation," the latter replied. "In that sense we are
certainly all not infrequently like madmen, but with the slight
difference that the deranged are somewhat madder, for we must draw a
line. A normal man, it is true, hardly exists. Among dozens—perhaps
hundreds of thousands—hardly one is to be met with."
At the word "madman," carelessly dropped
by Zossimov in his chatter on his favourite subject, everyone frowned.
Raskolnikov sat seeming not to pay attention,
plunged in thought with a strange smile on his pale lips. He was still
meditating on something.
"Well, what about the man who was run over? I
interrupted you!" Razumihin cried hastily.
"What?" Raskolnikov seemed to wake up.
"Oh... I got spattered with blood helping to carry him to his
lodging. By the way, mamma, I did an unpardonable thing yesterday. I was
literally out of my mind. I gave away all the money you sent me... to
his wife for the funeral. She's a widow now, in consumption, a poor
creature... three little children, starving... nothing in the house...
there's a daughter, too... perhaps you'd have given it yourself if you'd
seen them. But I had no right to do it I admit, especially as I knew how
you needed the money yourself. To help others one must have the right to
do it, or else Crevez, chiens, si vous n'êtes pas contents."
He laughed, "That's right, isn't it, Dounia?"
"No, it's not," answered Dounia firmly.
"Bah! you, too, have ideals," he
muttered, looking at her almost with hatred, and smiling sarcastically.
"I ought to have considered that.... Well, that's praiseworthy, and
it's better for you... and if you reach a line you won't overstep, you
will be unhappy... and if you overstep it, maybe you will be still
unhappier.... But all that's nonsense," he added irritably, vexed
at being carried away. "I only meant to say that I beg your
forgiveness, mother," he concluded, shortly and abruptly.
"That's enough, Rodya, I am sure that
everything you do is very good," said his mother, delighted.
"Don't be too sure," he answered,
twisting his mouth into a smile.
A silence followed. There was a certain constraint
in all this conversation, and in the silence, and in the reconciliation,
and in the forgiveness, and all were feeling it.
"It is as though they were afraid of
me," Raskolnikov was thinking to himself, looking askance at his
mother and sister. Pulcheria Alexandrovna was indeed growing more timid
the longer she kept silent.
"Yet in their absence I seemed to love them
so much," flashed through his mind.
"Do you know, Rodya, Marfa Petrovna is
dead," Pulcheria Alexandrovna suddenly blurted out.
"What Marfa Petrovna?"
"Oh, mercy on us—Marfa Petrovna Svidrigaïlov.
I wrote you so much about her."
"A-a-h! Yes, I remember.... So she's dead!
Oh, really?" he roused himself suddenly, as if waking up.
"What did she die of?"
"Only imagine, quite suddenly,"
Pulcheria Alexandrovna answered hurriedly, encouraged by his curiosity.
"On the very day I was sending you that letter! Would you believe
it, that awful man seems to have been the cause of her death. They say
he beat her dreadfully."
"Why, were they on such bad terms?" he
asked, addressing his sister.
"Not at all. Quite the contrary indeed. With
her, he was always very patient, considerate even. In fact, all those
seven years of their married life he gave way to her, too much so
indeed, in many cases. All of a sudden he seems to have lost
patience."
"Then he could not have been so awful if he
controlled himself for seven years? You seem to be defending him,
Dounia?"
"No, no, he's an awful man! I can imagine
nothing more awful!" Dounia answered, almost with a shudder,
knitting her brows, and sinking into thought.
"That had happened in the morning,"
Pulcheria Alexandrovna went on hurriedly. "And directly afterwards
she ordered the horses to be harnessed to drive to the town immediately
after dinner. She always used to drive to the town in such cases. She
ate a very good dinner, I am told...."
"After the beating?"
"That was always her... habit; and
immediately after dinner, so as not to be late in starting, she went to
the bath-house.... You see, she was undergoing some treatment with
baths. They have a cold spring there, and she used to bathe in it
regularly every day, and no sooner had she got into the water when she
suddenly had a stroke!"
"I should think so," said Zossimov.
"And did he beat her badly?"
"What does that matter!" put in Dounia.
"H'm! But I don't know why you want to tell
us such gossip, mother," said Raskolnikov irritably, as it were in
spite of himself.
"Ah, my dear, I don't know what to talk
about," broke from Pulcheria Alexandrovna.
"Why, are you all afraid of me?" he
asked, with a constrained smile.
"That's certainly true," said Dounia,
looking directly and sternly at her brother. "Mother was crossing
herself with terror as she came up the stairs."
His face worked, as though in convulsion.
"Ach, what are you saying, Dounia! Don't be
angry, please, Rodya.... Why did you say that, Dounia?" Pulcheria
Alexandrovna began, overwhelmed—"You see, coming here, I was
dreaming all the way, in the train, how we should meet, how we should
talk over everything together.... And I was so happy, I did not notice
the journey! But what am I saying? I am happy now.... You should not,
Dounia.... I am happy now—simply in seeing you, Rodya...."
"Hush, mother," he muttered in
confusion, not looking at her, but pressing her hand. "We shall
have time to speak freely of everything!"
As he said this, he was suddenly overwhelmed with
confusion and turned pale. Again that awful sensation he had known of
late passed with deadly chill over his soul. Again it became suddenly
plain and perceptible to him that he had just told a fearful lie—that
he would never now be able to speak freely of everything—that he would
never again be able to speak of anything to anyone. The anguish
of this thought was such that for a moment he almost forgot himself. He
got up from his seat, and not looking at anyone walked towards the door.
"What are you about?" cried Razumihin,
clutching him by the arm.
He sat down again, and began looking about him, in
silence. They were all looking at him in perplexity.
"But what are you all so dull for?" he
shouted, suddenly and quite unexpectedly. "Do say something! What's
the use of sitting like this? Come, do speak. Let us talk.... We meet
together and sit in silence.... Come, anything!"
"Thank God; I was afraid the same thing as
yesterday was beginning again," said Pulcheria Alexandrovna,
crossing herself.
"What is the matter, Rodya?" asked
Avdotya Romanovna, distrustfully.
"Oh, nothing! I remembered something,"
he answered, and suddenly laughed.
"Well, if you remembered something; that's
all right!... I was beginning to think..." muttered Zossimov,
getting up from the sofa. "It is time for me to be off. I will look
in again perhaps... if I can..." He made his bows, and went out.
"What an excellent man!" observed
Pulcheria Alexandrovna.
"Yes, excellent, splendid, well-educated,
intelligent," Raskolnikov began, suddenly speaking with surprising
rapidity, and a liveliness he had not shown till then. "I can't
remember where I met him before my illness.... I believe I have met him
somewhere——... And this is a good man, too," he nodded at
Razumihin. "Do you like him, Dounia?" he asked her; and
suddenly, for some unknown reason, laughed.
"Very much," answered Dounia.
"Foo!—what a pig you are!" Razumihin
protested, blushing in terrible confusion, and he got up from his chair.
Pulcheria Alexandrovna smiled faintly, but Raskolnikov laughed aloud.
"Where are you off to?"
"I must go."
"You need not at all. Stay. Zossimov has
gone, so you must. Don't go. What's the time? Is it twelve o'clock? What
a pretty watch you have got, Dounia. But why are you all silent again? I
do all the talking."
"It was a present from Marfa Petrovna,"
answered Dounia.
"And a very expensive one!" added
Pulcheria Alexandrovna.
"A-ah! What a big one! Hardly like a
lady's."
"I like that sort," said Dounia.
"So it is not a present from her fiancé,"
thought Razumihin, and was unreasonably delighted.
"I thought it was Luzhin's present,"
observed Raskolnikov.
"No, he has not made Dounia any presents
yet."
"A-ah! And do you remember, mother, I was in
love and wanted to get married?" he said suddenly, looking at his
mother, who was disconcerted by the sudden change of subject and the way
he spoke of it.
"Oh, yes, my dear."
Pulcheria Alexandrovna exchanged glances with
Dounia and Razumihin.
"H'm, yes. What shall I tell you? I don't
remember much indeed. She was such a sickly girl," he went on,
growing dreamy and looking down again. "Quite an invalid. She was
fond of giving alms to the poor, and was always dreaming of a nunnery,
and once she burst into tears when she began talking to me about it.
Yes, yes, I remember. I remember very well. She was an ugly little
thing. I really don't know what drew me to her then—I think it was
because she was always ill. If she had been lame or hunchback, I believe
I should have liked her better still," he smiled dreamily.
"Yes, it was a sort of spring delirium."
"No, it was not only spring delirium,"
said Dounia, with warm feeling.
He fixed a strained intent look on his sister, but
did not hear or did not understand her words. Then, completely lost in
thought, he got up, went up to his mother, kissed her, went back to his
place and sat down.
"You love her even now?" said Pulcheria
Alexandrovna, touched.
"Her? Now? Oh, yes.... You ask about her?
No... that's all now, as it were, in another world... and so long ago.
And indeed everything happening here seems somehow far away." He
looked attentively at them. "You, now... I seem to be looking at
you from a thousand miles away... but, goodness knows why we are talking
of that! And what's the use of asking about it?" he added with
annoyance, and biting his nails, fell into dreamy silence again.
"What a wretched lodging you have, Rodya!
It's like a tomb," said Pulcheria Alexandrovna, suddenly breaking
the oppressive silence. "I am sure it's quite half through your
lodging you have become so melancholy."
"My lodging," he answered, listlessly.
"Yes, the lodging had a great deal to do with it.... I thought
that, too.... If only you knew, though, what a strange thing you said
just now, mother," he said, laughing strangely.
A little more, and their companionship, this
mother and this sister, with him after three years' absence, this
intimate tone of conversation, in face of the utter impossibility of
really speaking about anything, would have been beyond his power of
endurance. But there was one urgent matter which must be settled one way
or the other that day—so he had decided when he woke. Now he was glad
to remember it, as a means of escape.
"Listen, Dounia," he began, gravely and
drily, "of course I beg your pardon for yesterday, but I consider
it my duty to tell you again that I do not withdraw from my chief point.
It is me or Luzhin. If I am a scoundrel, you must not be. One is enough.
If you marry Luzhin, I cease at once to look on you as a sister."
"Rodya, Rodya! It is the same as yesterday
again," Pulcheria Alexandrovna cried, mournfully. "And why do
you call yourself a scoundrel? I can't bear it. You said the same
yesterday."
"Brother," Dounia answered firmly and
with the same dryness. "In all this there is a mistake on your
part. I thought it over at night, and found out the mistake. It is all
because you seem to fancy I am sacrificing myself to someone and for
someone. That is not the case at all. I am simply marrying for my own
sake, because things are hard for me. Though, of course, I shall be glad
if I succeed in being useful to my family. But that is not the chief
motive for my decision...."
"She is lying," he thought to himself,
biting his nails vindictively. "Proud creature! She won't admit she
wants to do it out of charity! Too haughty! Oh, base characters! They
even love as though they hate.... Oh, how I... hate them all!"
"In fact," continued Dounia, "I am
marrying Pyotr Petrovitch because of two evils I choose the less. I
intend to do honestly all he expects of me, so I am not deceiving
him.... Why did you smile just now?" She, too, flushed, and there
was a gleam of anger in her eyes.
"All?" he asked, with a malignant grin.
"Within certain limits. Both the manner and
form of Pyotr Petrovitch's courtship showed me at once what he wanted.
He may, of course, think too well of himself, but I hope he esteems me,
too.... Why are you laughing again?"
"And why are you blushing again? You are
lying, sister. You are intentionally lying, simply from feminine
obstinacy, simply to hold your own against me.... You cannot respect
Luzhin. I have seen him and talked with him. So you are selling yourself
for money, and so in any case you are acting basely, and I am glad at
least that you can blush for it."
"It is not true. I am not lying," cried
Dounia, losing her composure. "I would not marry him if I were not
convinced that he esteems me and thinks highly of me. I would not marry
him if I were not firmly convinced that I can respect him. Fortunately,
I can have convincing proof of it this very day... and such a marriage
is not a vileness, as you say! And even if you were right, if I really
had determined on a vile action, is it not merciless on your part to
speak to me like that? Why do you demand of me a heroism that perhaps
you have not either? It is despotism; it is tyranny. If I ruin anyone,
it is only myself.... I am not committing a murder. Why do you look at
me like that? Why are you so pale? Rodya, darling, what's the
matter?"
"Good heavens! You have made him faint,"
cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna.
"No, no, nonsense! It's nothing. A little
giddiness—not fainting. You have fainting on the brain. H'm, yes, what
was I saying? Oh, yes. In what way will you get convincing proof to-day
that you can respect him, and that he... esteems you, as you said. I
think you said to-day?"
"Mother, show Rodya Pyotr Petrovitch's
letter," said Dounia.
With trembling hands, Pulcheria Alexandrovna gave
him the letter. He took it with great interest, but, before opening it,
he suddenly looked with a sort of wonder at Dounia.
"It is strange," he said, slowly, as
though struck by a new idea. "What am I making such a fuss for?
What is it all about? Marry whom you like!"
He said this as though to himself, but said it
aloud, and looked for some time at his sister, as though puzzled. He
opened the letter at last, still with the same look of strange wonder on
his face. Then, slowly and attentively, he began reading, and read it
through twice. Pulcheria Alexandrovna showed marked anxiety, and all
indeed expected something particular.
"What surprises me," he began, after a
short pause, handing the letter to his mother, but not addressing anyone
in particular, "is that he is a business man, a lawyer, and his
conversation is pretentious indeed, and yet he writes such an uneducated
letter."
They all started. They had expected something
quite different.
"But they all write like that, you
know," Razumihin observed, abruptly.
"Have you read it?"
"Yes."
"We showed him, Rodya. We... consulted him
just now," Pulcheria Alexandrovna began, embarrassed.
"That's just the jargon of the courts,"
Razumihin put in. "Legal documents are written like that to this
day."
"Legal? Yes, it's just legal—business
language—not so very uneducated, and not quite educated—business
language!"
"Pyotr Petrovitch makes no secret of the fact
that he had a cheap education, he is proud indeed of having made his own
way," Avdotya Romanovna observed, somewhat offended by her
brother's tone.
"Well, if he's proud of it, he has reason, I
don't deny it. You seem to be offended, sister, at my making only such a
frivolous criticism on the letter, and to think that I speak of such
trifling matters on purpose to annoy you. It is quite the contrary, an
observation apropos of the style occurred to me that is by no means
irrelevant as things stand. There is one expression, 'blame yourselves'
put in very significantly and plainly, and there is besides a threat
that he will go away at once if I am present. That threat to go away is
equivalent to a threat to abandon you both if you are disobedient, and
to abandon you now after summoning you to Petersburg. Well, what do you
think? Can one resent such an expression from Luzhin, as we should if he
(he pointed to Razumihin) had written it, or Zossimov, or one of
us?"
"N-no," answered Dounia, with more
animation. "I saw clearly that it was too naïvely expressed, and
that perhaps he simply has no skill in writing... that is a true
criticism, brother. I did not expect, indeed..."
"It is expressed in legal style, and sounds
coarser than perhaps he intended. But I must disillusion you a little.
There is one expression in the letter, one slander about me, and rather
a contemptible one. I gave the money last night to the widow, a woman in
consumption, crushed with trouble, and not 'on the pretext of the
funeral,' but simply to pay for the funeral, and not to the daughter—a
young woman, as he writes, of notorious behaviour (whom I saw last night
for the first time in my life)—but to the widow. In all this I see a
too hasty desire to slander me and to raise dissension between us. It is
expressed again in legal jargon, that is to say, with a too obvious
display of the aim, and with a very naïve eagerness. He is a man of
intelligence, but to act sensibly, intelligence is not enough. It all
shows the man and... I don't think he has a great esteem for you. I tell
you this simply to warn you, because I sincerely wish for your
good..."
Dounia did not reply. Her resolution had been
taken. She was only awaiting the evening.
"Then what is your decision, Rodya?"
asked Pulcheria Alexandrovna, who was more uneasy than ever at the
sudden, new businesslike tone of his talk.
"What decision?"
"You see Pyotr Petrovitch writes that you are
not to be with us this evening, and that he will go away if you come. So
will you... come?"
"That, of course, is not for me to decide,
but for you first, if you are not offended by such a request; and
secondly, by Dounia, if she, too, is not offended. I will do what you
think best," he added, drily.
"Dounia has already decided, and I fully
agree with her," Pulcheria Alexandrovna hastened to declare.
"I decided to ask you, Rodya, to urge you not
to fail to be with us at this interview," said Dounia. "Will
you come?"
"Yes."
"I will ask you, too, to be with us at eight
o'clock," she said, addressing Razumihin. "Mother, I am
inviting him, too."
"Quite right, Dounia. Well, since you have
decided," added Pulcheria Alexandrovna, "so be it. I shall
feel easier myself. I do not like concealment and deception. Better let
us have the whole truth.... Pyotr Petrovitch may be angry or not,
now!"
CHAPTER IV
At that moment the door was softly opened, and a
young girl walked into the room, looking timidly about her. Everyone
turned towards her with surprise and curiosity. At first sight,
Raskolnikov did not recognise her. It was Sofya Semyonovna Marmeladov.
He had seen her yesterday for the first time, but at such a moment, in
such surroundings and in such a dress, that his memory retained a very
different image of her. Now she was a modestly and poorly-dressed young
girl, very young, indeed, almost like a child, with a modest and refined
manner, with a candid but somewhat frightened-looking face. She was
wearing a very plain indoor dress, and had on a shabby old-fashioned
hat, but she still carried a parasol. Unexpectedly finding the room full
of people, she was not so much embarrassed as completely overwhelmed
with shyness, like a little child. She was even about to retreat.
"Oh... it's you!" said Raskolnikov, extremely astonished, and
he, too, was confused. He at once recollected that his mother and sister
knew through Luzhin's letter of "some young woman of notorious
behaviour." He had only just been protesting against Luzhin's
calumny and declaring that he had seen the girl last night for the first
time, and suddenly she had walked in. He remembered, too, that he had
not protested against the expression "of notorious behaviour."
All this passed vaguely and fleetingly through his brain, but looking at
her more intently, he saw that the humiliated creature was so humiliated
that he felt suddenly sorry for her. When she made a movement to retreat
in terror, it sent a pang to his heart.
"I did not expect you," he said,
hurriedly, with a look that made her stop. "Please sit down. You
come, no doubt, from Katerina Ivanovna. Allow me—not there. Sit
here...."
At Sonia's entrance, Razumihin, who had been
sitting on one of Raskolnikov's three chairs, close to the door, got up
to allow her to enter. Raskolnikov had at first shown her the place on
the sofa where Zossimov had been sitting, but feeling that the sofa
which served him as a bed, was too familiar a place, he hurriedly
motioned her to Razumihin's chair.
"You sit here," he said to Razumihin,
putting him on the sofa.
Sonia sat down, almost shaking with terror, and
looked timidly at the two ladies. It was evidently almost inconceivable
to herself that she could sit down beside them. At the thought of it,
she was so frightened that she hurriedly got up again, and in utter
confusion addressed Raskolnikov.
"I... I... have come for one minute. Forgive
me for disturbing you," she began falteringly. "I come from
Katerina Ivanovna, and she had no one to send. Katerina Ivanovna told me
to beg you... to be at the service... in the morning... at
Mitrofanievsky... and then... to us... to her... to do her the honour...
she told me to beg you..." Sonia stammered and ceased speaking.
"I will try, certainly, most certainly,"
answered Raskolnikov. He, too, stood up, and he, too, faltered and could
not finish his sentence. "Please sit down," he said, suddenly.
"I want to talk to you. You are perhaps in a hurry, but please, be
so kind, spare me two minutes," and he drew up a chair for her.
Sonia sat down again, and again timidly she took a
hurried, frightened look at the two ladies, and dropped her eyes.
Raskolnikov's pale face flushed, a shudder passed over him, his eyes
glowed.
"Mother," he said, firmly and
insistently, "this is Sofya Semyonovna Marmeladov, the daughter of
that unfortunate Mr. Marmeladov, who was run over yesterday before my
eyes, and of whom I was just telling you."
Pulcheria Alexandrovna glanced at Sonia, and
slightly screwed up her eyes. In spite of her embarrassment before
Rodya's urgent and challenging look, she could not deny herself that
satisfaction. Dounia gazed gravely and intently into the poor girl's
face, and scrutinised her with perplexity. Sonia, hearing herself
introduced, tried to raise her eyes again, but was more embarrassed than
ever.
"I wanted to ask you," said Raskolnikov,
hastily, "how things were arranged yesterday. You were not worried
by the police, for instance?"
"No, that was all right... it was too
evident, the cause of death... they did not worry us... only the lodgers
are angry."
"Why?"
"At the body's remaining so long. You see it
is hot now. So that, to-day, they will carry it to the cemetery, into
the chapel, until to-morrow. At first Katerina Ivanovna was unwilling,
but now she sees herself that it's necessary..."
"To-day, then?"
"She begs you to do us the honour to be in
the church to-morrow for the service, and then to be present at the
funeral lunch."
"She is giving a funeral lunch?"
"Yes... just a little.... She told me to
thank you very much for helping us yesterday. But for you, we should
have had nothing for the funeral."
All at once her lips and chin began trembling,
but, with an effort, she controlled herself, looking down again.
During the conversation, Raskolnikov watched her
carefully. She had a thin, very thin, pale little face, rather irregular
and angular, with a sharp little nose and chin. She could not have been
called pretty, but her blue eyes were so clear, and when they lighted
up, there was such a kindliness and simplicity in her expression that
one could not help being attracted. Her face, and her whole figure
indeed, had another peculiar characteristic. In spite of her eighteen
years, she looked almost a little girl—almost a child. And in some of
her gestures, this childishness seemed almost absurd.
"But has Katerina Ivanovna been able to
manage with such small means? Does she even mean to have a funeral
lunch?" Raskolnikov asked, persistently keeping up the
conversation.
"The coffin will be plain, of course... and
everything will be plain, so it won't cost much. Katerina Ivanovna and I
have reckoned it all out, so that there will be enough left... and
Katerina Ivanovna was very anxious it should be so. You know one
can't... it's a comfort to her... she is like that, you know...."
"I understand, I understand... of course...
why do you look at my room like that? My mother has just said it is like
a tomb."
"You gave us everything yesterday,"
Sonia said suddenly, in reply, in a loud rapid whisper; and again she
looked down in confusion. Her lips and chin were trembling once more.
She had been struck at once by Raskolnikov's poor surroundings, and now
these words broke out spontaneously. A silence followed. There was a
light in Dounia's eyes, and even Pulcheria Alexandrovna looked kindly at
Sonia.
"Rodya," she said, getting up, "we
shall have dinner together, of course. Come, Dounia.... And you, Rodya,
had better go for a little walk, and then rest and lie down before you
come to see us.... I am afraid we have exhausted you...."
"Yes, yes, I'll come," he answered,
getting up fussily. "But I have something to see to."
"But surely you will have dinner
together?" cried Razumihin, looking in surprise at Raskolnikov.
"What do you mean?"
"Yes, yes, I am coming... of course, of
course! And you stay a minute. You do not want him just now, do you,
mother? Or perhaps I am taking him from you?"
"Oh, no, no. And will you, Dmitri Prokofitch,
do us the favour of dining with us?"
"Please do," added Dounia.
Razumihin bowed, positively radiant. For one
moment, they were all strangely embarrassed.
"Good-bye, Rodya, that is till we meet. I do
not like saying good-bye. Good-bye, Nastasya. Ah, I have said good-bye
again."
Pulcheria Alexandrovna meant to greet Sonia, too;
but it somehow failed to come off, and she went in a flutter out of the
room.
But Avdotya Romanovna seemed to await her turn,
and following her mother out, gave Sonia an attentive, courteous bow.
Sonia, in confusion, gave a hurried, frightened curtsy. There was a look
of poignant discomfort in her face, as though Avdotya Romanovna's
courtesy and attention were oppressive and painful to her.
"Dounia, good-bye," called Raskolnikov,
in the passage. "Give me your hand."
"Why, I did give it to you. Have you
forgotten?" said Dounia, turning warmly and awkwardly to him.
"Never mind, give it to me again." And
he squeezed her fingers warmly.
Dounia smiled, flushed, pulled her hand away, and
went off quite happy.
"Come, that's capital," he said to
Sonia, going back and looking brightly at her. "God give peace to
the dead, the living have still to live. That is right, isn't it?"
Sonia looked surprised at the sudden brightness of
his face. He looked at her for some moments in silence. The whole
history of the dead father floated before his memory in those
moments....
"Heavens, Dounia," Pulcheria
Alexandrovna began, as soon as they were in the street, "I really
feel relieved myself at coming away—more at ease. How little did I
think yesterday in the train that I could ever be glad of that."
"I tell you again, mother, he is still very
ill. Don't you see it? Perhaps worrying about us upset him. We must be
patient, and much, much can be forgiven."
"Well, you were not very patient!"
Pulcheria Alexandrovna caught her up, hotly and jealously. "Do you
know, Dounia, I was looking at you two. You are the very portrait of
him, and not so much in face as in soul. You are both melancholy, both
morose and hot-tempered, both haughty and both generous.... Surely he
can't be an egoist, Dounia. Eh? When I think of what is in store for us
this evening, my heart sinks!"
"Don't be uneasy, mother. What must be, will
be."
"Dounia, only think what a position we are
in! What if Pyotr Petrovitch breaks it off?" poor Pulcheria
Alexandrovna blurted out, incautiously.
"He won't be worth much if he does,"
answered Dounia, sharply and contemptuously.
"We did well to come away," Pulcheria
Alexandrovna hurriedly broke in. "He was in a hurry about some
business or other. If he gets out and has a breath of air... it is
fearfully close in his room.... But where is one to get a breath of air
here? The very streets here feel like shut-up rooms. Good heavens! what
a town!... stay... this side... they will crush you—carrying
something. Why, it is a piano they have got, I declare... how they
push!... I am very much afraid of that young woman, too."
"What young woman, mother?
"Why, that Sofya Semyonovna, who was there
just now."
"Why?"
"I have a presentiment, Dounia. Well, you may
believe it or not, but as soon as she came in, that very minute, I felt
that she was the chief cause of the trouble...."
"Nothing of the sort!" cried Dounia, in
vexation. "What nonsense, with your presentiments, mother! He only
made her acquaintance the evening before, and he did not know her when
she came in."
"Well, you will see.... She worries me; but
you will see, you will see! I was so frightened. She was gazing at me
with those eyes. I could scarcely sit still in my chair when he began
introducing her, do you remember? It seems so strange, but Pyotr
Petrovitch writes like that about her, and he introduces her to us—to
you! So he must think a great deal of her."
"People will write anything. We were talked
about and written about, too. Have you forgotten? I am sure that she is
a good girl, and that it is all nonsense."
"God grant it may be!"
"And Pyotr Petrovitch is a contemptible
slanderer," Dounia snapped out, suddenly.
Pulcheria Alexandrovna was crushed; the
conversation was not resumed.
"I will tell you what I want with you,"
said Raskolnikov, drawing Razumihin to the window.
"Then I will tell Katerina Ivanovna that you
are coming," Sonia said hurriedly, preparing to depart.
"One minute, Sofya Semyonovna. We have no
secrets. You are not in our way. I want to have another word or two with
you. Listen!" he turned suddenly to Razumihin again. "You know
that... what's his name... Porfiry Petrovitch?"
"I should think so! He is a relation.
Why?" added the latter, with interest.
"Is not he managing that case... you know,
about that murder?... You were speaking about it yesterday."
"Yes... well?" Razumihin's eyes opened
wide.
"He was inquiring for people who had pawned
things, and I have some pledges there, too—trifles—a ring my sister
gave me as a keepsake when I left home, and my father's silver
watch—they are only worth five or six roubles altogether... but I
value them. So what am I to do now? I do not want to lose the things,
especially the watch. I was quaking just now, for fear mother would ask
to look at it, when we spoke of Dounia's watch. It is the only thing of
father's left us. She would be ill if it were lost. You know what women
are. So tell me what to do. I know I ought to have given notice at the
police station, but would it not be better to go straight to Porfiry?
Eh? What do you think? The matter might be settled more quickly. You
see, mother may ask for it before dinner."
"Certainly not to the police station.
Certainly to Porfiry," Razumihin shouted in extraordinary
excitement. "Well, how glad I am. Let us go at once. It is a couple
of steps. We shall be sure to find him."
"Very well, let us go."
"And he will be very, very glad to make your
acquaintance. I have often talked to him of you at different times. I
was speaking of you yesterday. Let us go. So you knew the old woman? So
that's it! It is all turning out splendidly.... Oh, yes, Sofya
Ivanovna..."
"Sofya Semyonovna," corrected
Raskolnikov. "Sofya Semyonovna, this is my friend Razumihin, and he
is a good man."
"If you have to go now," Sonia was
beginning, not looking at Razumihin at all, and still more embarrassed.
"Let us go," decided Raskolnikov.
"I will come to you to-day, Sofya Semyonovna. Only tell me where
you live."
He was not exactly ill at ease, but seemed
hurried, and avoided her eyes. Sonia gave her address, and flushed as
she did so. They all went out together.
"Don't you lock up?" asked Razumihin,
following him on to the stairs.
"Never," answered Raskolnikov. "I
have been meaning to buy a lock for these two years. People are happy
who have no need of locks," he said, laughing, to Sonia. They stood
still in the gateway.
"Do you go to the right, Sofya Semyonovna?
How did you find me, by the way?" he added, as though he wanted to
say something quite different. He wanted to look at her soft clear eyes,
but this was not easy.
"Why, you gave your address to Polenka
yesterday."
"Polenka? Oh, yes; Polenka, that is the
little girl. She is your sister? Did I give her the address?"
"Why, had you forgotten?"
"No, I remember."
"I had heard my father speak of you... only I
did not know your name, and he did not know it. And now I came... and as
I had learnt your name, I asked to-day, 'Where does Mr. Raskolnikov
live?' I did not know you had only a room too.... Good-bye, I will tell
Katerina Ivanovna."
She was extremely glad to escape at last; she went
away looking down, hurrying to get out of sight as soon as possible, to
walk the twenty steps to the turning on the right and to be at last
alone, and then moving rapidly along, looking at no one, noticing
nothing, to think, to remember, to meditate on every word, every detail.
Never, never had she felt anything like this. Dimly and unconsciously a
whole new world was opening before her. She remembered suddenly that
Raskolnikov meant to come to her that day, perhaps at once!
"Only not to-day, please, not to-day!"
she kept muttering with a sinking heart, as though entreating someone,
like a frightened child. "Mercy! to me... to that room... he will
see... oh, dear!"
She was not capable at that instant of noticing an
unknown gentleman who was watching her and following at her heels. He
had accompanied her from the gateway. At the moment when Razumihin,
Raskolnikov, and she stood still at parting on the pavement, this
gentleman, who was just passing, started on hearing Sonia's words:
"and I asked where Mr. Raskolnikov lived?" He turned a rapid
but attentive look upon all three, especially upon Raskolnikov, to whom
Sonia was speaking; then looked back and noted the house. All this was
done in an instant as he passed, and trying not to betray his interest,
he walked on more slowly as though waiting for something. He was waiting
for Sonia; he saw that they were parting, and that Sonia was going home.
"Home? Where? I've seen that face
somewhere," he thought. "I must find out."
At the turning he crossed over, looked round, and
saw Sonia coming the same way, noticing nothing. She turned the corner.
He followed her on the other side. After about fifty paces he crossed
over again, overtook her and kept two or three yards behind her.
He was a man about fifty, rather tall and thickly
set, with broad high shoulders which made him look as though he stooped
a little. He wore good and fashionable clothes, and looked like a
gentleman of position. He carried a handsome cane, which he tapped on
the pavement at each step; his gloves were spotless. He had a broad,
rather pleasant face with high cheek-bones and a fresh colour, not often
seen in Petersburg. His flaxen hair was still abundant, and only touched
here and there with grey, and his thick square beard was even lighter
than his hair. His eyes were blue and had a cold and thoughtful look;
his lips were crimson. He was a remarkedly well-preserved man and looked
much younger than his years.
When Sonia came out on the canal bank, they were
the only two persons on the pavement. He observed her dreaminess and
preoccupation. On reaching the house where she lodged, Sonia turned in
at the gate; he followed her, seeming rather surprised. In the courtyard
she turned to the right corner. "Bah!" muttered the unknown
gentleman, and mounted the stairs behind her. Only then Sonia noticed
him. She reached the third storey, turned down the passage, and rang at
No. 9. On the door was inscribed in chalk, "Kapernaumov,
Tailor." "Bah!" the stranger repeated again, wondering at
the strange coincidence, and he rang next door, at No. 8. The doors were
two or three yards apart.
"You lodge at Kapernaumov's," he said,
looking at Sonia and laughing. "He altered a waistcoat for me
yesterday. I am staying close here at Madame Resslich's. How odd!"
Sonia looked at him attentively.
"We are neighbours," he went on gaily.
"I only came to town the day before yesterday. Good-bye for the
present."
Sonia made no reply; the door opened and she
slipped in. She felt for some reason ashamed and uneasy.
On the way to Porfiry's, Razumihin was obviously
excited.
"That's capital, brother," he repeated
several times, "and I am glad! I am glad!"
"What are you glad about?" Raskolnikov
thought to himself.
"I didn't know that you pledged things at the
old woman's, too. And... was it long ago? I mean, was it long since you
were there?"
"What a simple-hearted fool he is!"
"When was it?" Raskolnikov stopped still
to recollect. "Two or three days before her death it must have
been. But I am not going to redeem the things now," he put in with
a sort of hurried and conspicuous solicitude about the things.
"I've not more than a silver rouble left... after last night's
accursed delirium!"
He laid special emphasis on the delirium.
"Yes, yes," Razumihin hastened to
agree—with what was not clear. "Then that's why you... were
stuck... partly... you know in your delirium you were continually
mentioning some rings or chains! Yes, yes... that's clear, it's all
clear now."
"Hullo! How that idea must have got about
among them. Here this man will go to the stake for me, and I find him
delighted at having it cleared up why I spoke of rings in my
delirium! What a hold the idea must have on all of them!"
"Shall we find him?" he asked suddenly.
"Oh, yes," Razumihin answered quickly.
"He is a nice fellow, you will see, brother. Rather clumsy, that is
to say, he is a man of polished manners, but I mean clumsy in a
different sense. He is an intelligent fellow, very much so indeed, but
he has his own range of ideas.... He is incredulous, sceptical,
cynical... he likes to impose on people, or rather to make fun of them.
His is the old, circumstantial method.... But he understands his work...
thoroughly.... Last year he cleared up a case of murder in which the
police had hardly a clue. He is very, very anxious to make your
acquaintance!"
"On what grounds is he so anxious?"
"Oh, it's not exactly... you see, since
you've been ill I happen to have mentioned you several times.... So,
when he heard about you... about your being a law student and not able
to finish your studies, he said, 'What a pity!' And so I concluded...
from everything together, not only that; yesterday Zametov... you know,
Rodya, I talked some nonsense on the way home to you yesterday, when I
was drunk... I am afraid, brother, of your exaggerating it, you
see."
"What? That they think I am a madman? Maybe
they are right," he said with a constrained smile.
"Yes, yes.... That is, pooh, no!... But all
that I said (and there was something else too) it was all nonsense,
drunken nonsense."
"But why are you apologising? I am so sick of
it all!" Raskolnikov cried with exaggerated irritability. It was
partly assumed, however.
"I know, I know, I understand. Believe me, I
understand. One's ashamed to speak of it."
"If you are ashamed, then don't speak of
it."
Both were silent. Razumihin was more than ecstatic
and Raskolnikov perceived it with repulsion. He was alarmed, too, by
what Razumihin had just said about Porfiry.
"I shall have to pull a long face with him
too," he thought, with a beating heart, and he turned white,
"and do it naturally, too. But the most natural thing would be to
do nothing at all. Carefully do nothing at all! No, carefully
would not be natural again.... Oh, well, we shall see how it turns
out.... We shall see... directly. Is it a good thing to go or not? The
butterfly flies to the light. My heart is beating, that's what's
bad!"
"In this grey house," said Razumihin.
"The most important thing, does Porfiry know
that I was at the old hag's flat yesterday... and asked about the blood?
I must find that out instantly, as soon as I go in, find out from his
face; otherwise... I'll find out, if it's my ruin."
"I say, brother," he said suddenly,
addressing Razumihin, with a sly smile, "I have been noticing all
day that you seem to be curiously excited. Isn't it so?"
"Excited? Not a bit of it," said
Razumihin, stung to the quick.
"Yes, brother, I assure you it's noticeable.
Why, you sat on your chair in a way you never do sit, on the edge
somehow, and you seemed to be writhing all the time. You kept jumping up
for nothing. One moment you were angry, and the next your face looked
like a sweetmeat. You even blushed; especially when you were invited to
dinner, you blushed awfully."
"Nothing of the sort, nonsense! What do you
mean?"
"But why are you wriggling out of it, like a
schoolboy? By Jove, there he's blushing again."
"What a pig you are!"
"But why are you so shamefaced about it?
Romeo! Stay, I'll tell of you to-day. Ha-ha-ha! I'll make mother laugh,
and someone else, too..."
"Listen, listen, listen, this is serious....
What next, you fiend!" Razumihin was utterly overwhelmed, turning
cold with horror. "What will you tell them? Come, brother... foo!
what a pig you are!"
"You are like a summer rose. And if only you
knew how it suits you; a Romeo over six foot high! And how you've washed
to-day—you cleaned your nails, I declare. Eh? That's something unheard
of! Why, I do believe you've got pomatum on your hair! Bend down."
"Pig!"
Raskolnikov laughed as though he could not
restrain himself. So laughing, they entered Porfiry Petrovitch's flat.
This is what Raskolnikov wanted: from within they could be heard
laughing as they came in, still guffawing in the passage.
"Not a word here or I'll... brain you!"
Razumihin whispered furiously, seizing Raskolnikov by the shoulder.
CHAPTER V
Raskolnikov was already entering the room. He came
in looking as though he had the utmost difficulty not to burst out
laughing again. Behind him Razumihin strode in gawky and awkward,
shamefaced and red as a peony, with an utterly crestfallen and ferocious
expression. His face and whole figure really were ridiculous at that
moment and amply justified Raskolnikov's laughter. Raskolnikov, not
waiting for an introduction, bowed to Porfiry Petrovitch, who stood in
the middle of the room looking inquiringly at them. He held out his hand
and shook hands, still apparently making desperate efforts to subdue his
mirth and utter a few words to introduce himself. But he had no sooner
succeeded in assuming a serious air and muttering something when he
suddenly glanced again as though accidentally at Razumihin, and could no
longer control himself: his stifled laughter broke out the more
irresistibly the more he tried to restrain it. The extraordinary
ferocity with which Razumihin received this "spontaneous"
mirth gave the whole scene the appearance of most genuine fun and
naturalness. Razumihin strengthened this impression as though on
purpose.
"Fool! You fiend," he roared, waving his
arm which at once struck a little round table with an empty tea-glass on
it. Everything was sent flying and crashing.
"But why break chairs, gentlemen? You know
it's a loss to the Crown," Porfiry Petrovitch quoted gaily.
Raskolnikov was still laughing, with his hand in
Porfiry Petrovitch's, but anxious not to overdo it, awaited the right
moment to put a natural end to it. Razumihin, completely put to
confusion by upsetting the table and smashing the glass, gazed gloomily
at the fragments, cursed and turned sharply to the window where he stood
looking out with his back to the company with a fiercely scowling
countenance, seeing nothing. Porfiry Petrovitch laughed and was ready to
go on laughing, but obviously looked for explanations. Zametov had been
sitting in the corner, but he rose at the visitors' entrance and was
standing in expectation with a smile on his lips, though he looked with
surprise and even it seemed incredulity at the whole scene and at
Raskolnikov with a certain embarrassment. Zametov's unexpected presence
struck Raskolnikov unpleasantly.
"I've got to think of that," he thought.
"Excuse me, please," he began, affecting extreme
embarrassment. "Raskolnikov."
"Not at all, very pleasant to see you... and
how pleasantly you've come in.... Why, won't he even say
good-morning?" Porfiry Petrovitch nodded at Razumihin.
"Upon my honour I don't know why he is in
such a rage with me. I only told him as we came along that he was like
Romeo... and proved it. And that was all, I think!"
"Pig!" ejaculated Razumihin, without
turning round.
"There must have been very grave grounds for
it, if he is so furious at the word," Porfiry laughed.
"Oh, you sharp lawyer!... Damn you all!"
snapped Razumihin, and suddenly bursting out laughing himself, he went
up to Porfiry with a more cheerful face as though nothing had happened.
"That'll do! We are all fools. To come to business. This is my
friend Rodion Romanovitch Raskolnikov; in the first place he has heard
of you and wants to make your acquaintance, and secondly, he has a
little matter of business with you. Bah! Zametov, what brought you here?
Have you met before? Have you known each other long?"
"What does this mean?" thought
Raskolnikov uneasily.
Zametov seemed taken aback, but not very much so.
"Why, it was at your rooms we met
yesterday," he said easily.
"Then I have been spared the trouble. All
last week he was begging me to introduce him to you. Porfiry and you
have sniffed each other out without me. Where is your tobacco?"
Porfiry Petrovitch was wearing a dressing-gown,
very clean linen, and trodden-down slippers. He was a man of about five
and thirty, short, stout even to corpulence, and clean shaven. He wore
his hair cut short and had a large round head, particularly prominent at
the back. His soft, round, rather snub-nosed face was of a sickly
yellowish colour, but had a vigorous and rather ironical expression. It
would have been good-natured except for a look in the eyes, which shone
with a watery, mawkish light under almost white, blinking eyelashes. The
expression of those eyes was strangely out of keeping with his somewhat
womanish figure, and gave it something far more serious than could be
guessed at first sight.
As soon as Porfiry Petrovitch heard that his
visitor had a little matter of business with him, he begged him to sit
down on the sofa and sat down himself on the other end, waiting for him
to explain his business, with that careful and over-serious attention
which is at once oppressive and embarrassing, especially to a stranger,
and especially if what you are discussing is in your opinion of far too
little importance for such exceptional solemnity. But in brief and
coherent phrases Raskolnikov explained his business clearly and exactly,
and was so well satisfied with himself that he even succeeded in taking
a good look at Porfiry. Porfiry Petrovitch did not once take his eyes
off him. Razumihin, sitting opposite at the same table, listened warmly
and impatiently, looking from one to the other every moment with rather
excessive interest.
"Fool," Raskolnikov swore to himself.
"You have to give information to the
police," Porfiry replied, with a most businesslike air, "that
having learnt of this incident, that is of the murder, you beg to inform
the lawyer in charge of the case that such and such things belong to
you, and that you desire to redeem them... or... but they will write to
you."
"That's just the point, that at the present
moment," Raskolnikov tried his utmost to feign embarrassment,
"I am not quite in funds... and even this trifling sum is beyond
me... I only wanted, you see, for the present to declare that the things
are mine, and that when I have money...."
"That's no matter," answered Porfiry
Petrovitch, receiving his explanation of his pecuniary position coldly,
"but you can, if you prefer, write straight to me, to say, that
having been informed of the matter, and claiming such and such as your
property, you beg..."
"On an ordinary sheet of paper?"
Raskolnikov interrupted eagerly, again interested in the financial side
of the question.
"Oh, the most ordinary," and suddenly
Porfiry Petrovitch looked with obvious irony at him, screwing up his
eyes and, as it were, winking at him. But perhaps it was Raskolnikov's
fancy, for it all lasted but a moment. There was certainly something of
the sort, Raskolnikov could have sworn he winked at him, goodness knows
why.
"He knows," flashed through his mind
like lightning.
"Forgive my troubling you about such
trifles," he went on, a little disconcerted, "the things are
only worth five roubles, but I prize them particularly for the sake of
those from whom they came to me, and I must confess that I was alarmed
when I heard..."
"That's why you were so much struck when I
mentioned to Zossimov that Porfiry was inquiring for everyone who had
pledges!" Razumihin put in with obvious intention.
This was really unbearable. Raskolnikov could not
help glancing at him with a flash of vindictive anger in his black eyes,
but immediately recollected himself.
"You seem to be jeering at me, brother?"
he said to him, with a well-feigned irritability. "I dare say I do
seem to you absurdly anxious about such trash; but you mustn't think me
selfish or grasping for that, and these two things may be anything but
trash in my eyes. I told you just now that the silver watch, though it's
not worth a cent, is the only thing left us of my father's. You may
laugh at me, but my mother is here," he turned suddenly to Porfiry,
"and if she knew," he turned again hurriedly to Razumihin,
carefully making his voice tremble, "that the watch was lost, she
would be in despair! You know what women are!"
"Not a bit of it! I didn't mean that at all!
Quite the contrary!" shouted Razumihin distressed.
"Was it right? Was it natural? Did I overdo
it?" Raskolnikov asked himself in a tremor. "Why did I say
that about women?"
"Oh, your mother is with you?" Porfiry
Petrovitch inquired.
"Yes."
"When did she come?"
"Last night."
Porfiry paused as though reflecting.
"Your things would not in any case be
lost," he went on calmly and coldly. "I have been expecting
you here for some time."
And as though that was a matter of no importance,
he carefully offered the ash-tray to Razumihin, who was ruthlessly
scattering cigarette ash over the carpet. Raskolnikov shuddered, but
Porfiry did not seem to be looking at him, and was still concerned with
Razumihin's cigarette.
"What? Expecting him? Why, did you know that
he had pledges there?" cried Razumihin.
Porfiry Petrovitch addressed himself to
Raskolnikov.
"Your things, the ring and the watch, were
wrapped up together, and on the paper your name was legibly written in
pencil, together with the date on which you left them with her..."
"How observant you are!" Raskolnikov
smiled awkwardly, doing his very utmost to look him straight in the
face, but he failed, and suddenly added:
"I say that because I suppose there were a
great many pledges... that it must be difficult to remember them all....
But you remember them all so clearly, and... and..."
"Stupid! Feeble!" he thought. "Why
did I add that?"
"But we know all who had pledges, and you are
the only one who hasn't come forward," Porfiry answered with hardly
perceptible irony.
"I haven't been quite well."
"I heard that too. I heard, indeed, that you
were in great distress about something. You look pale still."
"I am not pale at all.... No, I am quite
well," Raskolnikov snapped out rudely and angrily, completely
changing his tone. His anger was mounting, he could not repress it.
"And in my anger I shall betray myself," flashed through his
mind again. "Why are they torturing me?"
"Not quite well!" Razumihin caught him
up. "What next! He was unconscious and delirious all yesterday.
Would you believe, Porfiry, as soon as our backs were turned, he
dressed, though he could hardly stand, and gave us the slip and went off
on a spree somewhere till midnight, delirious all the time! Would you
believe it! Extraordinary!"
"Really delirious? You don't say so!"
Porfiry shook his head in a womanish way.
"Nonsense! Don't you believe it! But you
don't believe it anyway," Raskolnikov let slip in his anger. But
Porfiry Petrovitch did not seem to catch those strange words.
"But how could you have gone out if you
hadn't been delirious?" Razumihin got hot suddenly. "What did
you go out for? What was the object of it? And why on the sly? Were you
in your senses when you did it? Now that all danger is over I can speak
plainly."
"I was awfully sick of them yesterday."
Raskolnikov addressed Porfiry suddenly with a smile of insolent
defiance, "I ran away from them to take lodgings where they
wouldn't find me, and took a lot of money with me. Mr. Zametov there saw
it. I say, Mr. Zametov, was I sensible or delirious yesterday; settle
our dispute."
He could have strangled Zametov at that moment, so
hateful were his expression and his silence to him.
"In my opinion you talked sensibly and even
artfully, but you were extremely irritable," Zametov pronounced
dryly.
"And Nikodim Fomitch was telling me
to-day," put in Porfiry Petrovitch, "that he met you very late
last night in the lodging of a man who had been run over."
"And there," said Razumihin,
"weren't you mad then? You gave your last penny to the widow for
the funeral. If you wanted to help, give fifteen or twenty even, but
keep three roubles for yourself at least, but he flung away all the
twenty-five at once!"
"Maybe I found a treasure somewhere and you
know nothing of it? So that's why I was liberal yesterday.... Mr.
Zametov knows I've found a treasure! Excuse us, please, for disturbing
you for half an hour with such trivialities," he said, turning to
Porfiry Petrovitch, with trembling lips. "We are boring you, aren't
we?"
"Oh no, quite the contrary, quite the
contrary! If only you knew how you interest me! It's interesting to look
on and listen... and I am really glad you have come forward at
last."
"But you might give us some tea! My throat's
dry," cried Razumihin.
"Capital idea! Perhaps we will all keep you
company. Wouldn't you like... something more essential before tea?"
"Get along with you!"
Porfiry Petrovitch went out to order tea.
Raskolnikov's thoughts were in a whirl. He was in
terrible exasperation.
"The worst of it is they don't disguise it;
they don't care to stand on ceremony! And how if you didn't know me at
all, did you come to talk to Nikodim Fomitch about me? So they don't
care to hide that they are tracking me like a pack of dogs. They simply
spit in my face." He was shaking with rage. "Come, strike me
openly, don't play with me like a cat with a mouse. It's hardly civil,
Porfiry Petrovitch, but perhaps I won't allow it! I shall get up and
throw the whole truth in your ugly faces, and you'll see how I despise
you." He could hardly breathe. "And what if it's only my
fancy? What if I am mistaken, and through inexperience I get angry and
don't keep up my nasty part? Perhaps it's all unintentional. All their
phrases are the usual ones, but there is something about them.... It all
might be said, but there is something. Why did he say bluntly, 'With
her'? Why did Zametov add that I spoke artfully? Why do they speak in
that tone? Yes, the tone.... Razumihin is sitting here, why does he see
nothing? That innocent blockhead never does see anything! Feverish
again! Did Porfiry wink at me just now? Of course it's nonsense! What
could he wink for? Are they trying to upset my nerves or are they
teasing me? Either it's ill fancy or they know! Even Zametov is rude....
Is Zametov rude? Zametov has changed his mind. I foresaw he would change
his mind! He is at home here, while it's my first visit. Porfiry does
not consider him a visitor; sits with his back to him. They're as thick
as thieves, no doubt, over me! Not a doubt they were talking about me
before we came. Do they know about the flat? If only they'd make haste!
When I said that I ran away to take a flat he let it pass.... I put that
in cleverly about a flat, it may be of use afterwards.... Delirious,
indeed... ha-ha-ha! He knows all about last night! He didn't know of my
mother's arrival! The hag had written the date on in pencil! You are
wrong, you won't catch me! There are no facts... it's all supposition!
You produce facts! The flat even isn't a fact but delirium. I know what
to say to them.... Do they know about the flat? I won't go without
finding out. What did I come for? But my being angry now, maybe is a
fact! Fool, how irritable I am! Perhaps that's right; to play the
invalid.... He is feeling me. He will try to catch me. Why did I
come?"
All this flashed like lightning through his mind.
Porfiry Petrovitch returned quickly. He became
suddenly more jovial.
"Your party yesterday, brother, has left my
head rather.... And I am out of sorts altogether," he began in
quite a different tone, laughing to Razumihin.
"Was it interesting? I left you yesterday at
the most interesting point. Who got the best of it?"
"Oh, no one, of course. They got on to
everlasting questions, floated off into space."
"Only fancy, Rodya, what we got on to
yesterday. Whether there is such a thing as crime. I told you that we
talked our heads off."
"What is there strange? It's an everyday
social question," Raskolnikov answered casually.
"The question wasn't put quite like
that," observed Porfiry.
"Not quite, that's true," Razumihin
agreed at once, getting warm and hurried as usual. "Listen, Rodion,
and tell us your opinion, I want to hear it. I was fighting tooth and
nail with them and wanted you to help me. I told them you were
coming.... It began with the socialist doctrine. You know their
doctrine; crime is a protest against the abnormality of the social
organisation and nothing more, and nothing more; no other causes
admitted!..."
"You are wrong there," cried Porfiry
Petrovitch; he was noticeably animated and kept laughing as he looked at
Razumihin, which made him more excited than ever.
"Nothing is admitted," Razumihin
interrupted with heat.
"I am not wrong. I'll show you their
pamphlets. Everything with them is 'the influence of environment,' and
nothing else. Their favourite phrase! From which it follows that, if
society is normally organised, all crime will cease at once, since there
will be nothing to protest against and all men will become righteous in
one instant. Human nature is not taken into account, it is excluded,
it's not supposed to exist! They don't recognise that humanity,
developing by a historical living process, will become at last a normal
society, but they believe that a social system that has come out of some
mathematical brain is going to organise all humanity at once and make it
just and sinless in an instant, quicker than any living process! That's
why they instinctively dislike history, 'nothing but ugliness and
stupidity in it,' and they explain it all as stupidity! That's why they
so dislike the living process of life; they don't want a living
soul! The living soul demands life, the soul won't obey the rules of
mechanics, the soul is an object of suspicion, the soul is retrograde!
But what they want though it smells of death and can be made of
India-rubber, at least is not alive, has no will, is servile and won't
revolt! And it comes in the end to their reducing everything to the
building of walls and the planning of rooms and passages in a
phalanstery! The phalanstery is ready, indeed, but your human nature is
not ready for the phalanstery—it wants life, it hasn't completed its
vital process, it's too soon for the graveyard! You can't skip over
nature by logic. Logic presupposes three possibilities, but there are
millions! Cut away a million, and reduce it all to the question of
comfort! That's the easiest solution of the problem! It's seductively
clear and you musn't think about it. That's the great thing, you mustn't
think! The whole secret of life in two pages of print!"
"Now he is off, beating the drum! Catch hold
of him, do!" laughed Porfiry. "Can you imagine," he
turned to Raskolnikov, "six people holding forth like that last
night, in one room, with punch as a preliminary! No, brother, you are
wrong, environment accounts for a great deal in crime; I can assure you
of that."
"Oh, I know it does, but just tell me: a man
of forty violates a child of ten; was it environment drove him to
it?"
"Well, strictly speaking, it did,"
Porfiry observed with noteworthy gravity; "a crime of that nature
may be very well ascribed to the influence of environment."
Razumihin was almost in a frenzy. "Oh, if you
like," he roared. "I'll prove to you that your white eyelashes
may very well be ascribed to the Church of Ivan the Great's being two
hundred and fifty feet high, and I will prove it clearly, exactly,
progressively, and even with a Liberal tendency! I undertake to! Will
you bet on it?"
"Done! Let's hear, please, how he will prove
it!"
"He is always humbugging, confound him,"
cried Razumihin, jumping up and gesticulating. "What's the use of
talking to you? He does all that on purpose; you don't know him, Rodion!
He took their side yesterday, simply to make fools of them. And the
things he said yesterday! And they were delighted! He can keep it up for
a fortnight together. Last year he persuaded us that he was going into a
monastery: he stuck to it for two months. Not long ago he took it into
his head to declare he was going to get married, that he had everything
ready for the wedding. He ordered new clothes indeed. We all began to
congratulate him. There was no bride, nothing, all pure fantasy!"
"Ah, you are wrong! I got the clothes before.
It was the new clothes in fact that made me think of taking you
in."
"Are you such a good dissembler?"
Raskolnikov asked carelessly.
"You wouldn't have supposed it, eh? Wait a
bit, I shall take you in, too. Ha-ha-ha! No, I'll tell you the truth.
All these questions about crime, environment, children, recall to my
mind an article of yours which interested me at the time. 'On Crime'...
or something of the sort, I forget the title, I read it with pleasure
two months ago in the Periodical Review."
"My article? In the Periodical Review?"
Raskolnikov asked in astonishment. "I certainly did write an
article upon a book six months ago when I left the university, but I
sent it to the Weekly Review."
"But it came out in the Periodical."
"And the Weekly Review ceased to
exist, so that's why it wasn't printed at the time."
"That's true; but when it ceased to exist,
the Weekly Review was amalgamated with the Periodical, and
so your article appeared two months ago in the latter. Didn't you
know?"
Raskolnikov had not known.
"Why, you might get some money out of them
for the article! What a strange person you are! You lead such a solitary
life that you know nothing of matters that concern you directly. It's a
fact, I assure you."
"Bravo, Rodya! I knew nothing about it
either!" cried Razumihin. "I'll run to-day to the reading-room
and ask for the number. Two months ago? What was the date? It doesn't
matter though, I will find it. Think of not telling us!"
"How did you find out that the article was
mine? It's only signed with an initial."
"I only learnt it by chance, the other day.
Through the editor; I know him.... I was very much interested."
"I analysed, if I remember, the psychology of
a criminal before and after the crime."
"Yes, and you maintained that the
perpetration of a crime is always accompanied by illness. Very, very
original, but... it was not that part of your article that interested me
so much, but an idea at the end of the article which I regret to say you
merely suggested without working it out clearly. There is, if you
recollect, a suggestion that there are certain persons who can... that
is, not precisely are able to, but have a perfect right to commit
breaches of morality and crimes, and that the law is not for them."
Raskolnikov smiled at the exaggerated and
intentional distortion of his idea.
"What? What do you mean? A right to crime?
But not because of the influence of environment?" Razumihin
inquired with some alarm even.
"No, not exactly because of it,"
answered Porfiry. "In his article all men are divided into
'ordinary' and 'extraordinary.' Ordinary men have to live in submission,
have no right to transgress the law, because, don't you see, they are
ordinary. But extraordinary men have a right to commit any crime and to
transgress the law in any way, just because they are extraordinary. That
was your idea, if I am not mistaken?"
"What do you mean? That can't be right?"
Razumihin muttered in bewilderment.
Raskolnikov smiled again. He saw the point at
once, and knew where they wanted to drive him. He decided to take up the
challenge.
"That wasn't quite my contention," he
began simply and modestly. "Yet I admit that you have stated it
almost correctly; perhaps, if you like, perfectly so." (It almost
gave him pleasure to admit this.) "The only difference is that I
don't contend that extraordinary people are always bound to commit
breaches of morals, as you call it. In fact, I doubt whether such an
argument could be published. I simply hinted that an 'extraordinary' man
has the right... that is not an official right, but an inner right to
decide in his own conscience to overstep... certain obstacles, and only
in case it is essential for the practical fulfilment of his idea
(sometimes, perhaps, of benefit to the whole of humanity). You say that
my article isn't definite; I am ready to make it as clear as I can.
Perhaps I am right in thinking you want me to; very well. I maintain
that if the discoveries of Kepler and Newton could not have been made
known except by sacrificing the lives of one, a dozen, a hundred, or
more men, Newton would have had the right, would indeed have been in
duty bound... to eliminate the dozen or the hundred men for the
sake of making his discoveries known to the whole of humanity. But it
does not follow from that that Newton had a right to murder people right
and left and to steal every day in the market. Then, I remember, I
maintain in my article that all... well, legislators and leaders of men,
such as Lycurgus, Solon, Mahomet, Napoleon, and so on, were all without
exception criminals, from the very fact that, making a new law, they
transgressed the ancient one, handed down from their ancestors and held
sacred by the people, and they did not stop short at bloodshed either,
if that bloodshed—often of innocent persons fighting bravely in
defence of ancient law—were of use to their cause. It's remarkable, in
fact, that the majority, indeed, of these benefactors and leaders of
humanity were guilty of terrible carnage. In short, I maintain that all
great men or even men a little out of the common, that is to say capable
of giving some new word, must from their very nature be criminals—more
or less, of course. Otherwise it's hard for them to get out of the
common rut; and to remain in the common rut is what they can't submit
to, from their very nature again, and to my mind they ought not, indeed,
to submit to it. You see that there is nothing particularly new in all
that. The same thing has been printed and read a thousand times before.
As for my division of people into ordinary and extraordinary, I
acknowledge that it's somewhat arbitrary, but I don't insist upon exact
numbers. I only believe in my leading idea that men are in general
divided by a law of nature into two categories, inferior (ordinary),
that is, so to say, material that serves only to reproduce its kind, and
men who have the gift or the talent to utter a new word. There
are, of course, innumerable sub-divisions, but the distinguishing
features of both categories are fairly well marked. The first category,
generally speaking, are men conservative in temperament and law-abiding;
they live under control and love to be controlled. To my thinking it is
their duty to be controlled, because that's their vocation, and there is
nothing humiliating in it for them. The second category all transgress
the law; they are destroyers or disposed to destruction according to
their capacities. The crimes of these men are of course relative and
varied; for the most part they seek in very varied ways the destruction
of the present for the sake of the better. But if such a one is forced
for the sake of his idea to step over a corpse or wade through blood, he
can, I maintain, find within himself, in his conscience, a sanction for
wading through blood—that depends on the idea and its dimensions, note
that. It's only in that sense I speak of their right to crime in my
article (you remember it began with the legal question). There's no need
for such anxiety, however; the masses will scarcely ever admit this
right, they punish them or hang them (more or less), and in doing so
fulfil quite justly their conservative vocation. But the same masses set
these criminals on a pedestal in the next generation and worship them
(more or less). The first category is always the man of the present, the
second the man of the future. The first preserve the world and people
it, the second move the world and lead it to its goal. Each class has an
equal right to exist. In fact, all have equal rights with me—and vive
la guerre éternelle—till the New Jerusalem, of course!"
"Then you believe in the New Jerusalem, do
you?"
"I do," Raskolnikov answered firmly; as
he said these words and during the whole preceding tirade he kept his
eyes on one spot on the carpet.
"And... and do you believe in God? Excuse my
curiosity."
"I do," repeated Raskolnikov, raising
his eyes to Porfiry.
"And... do you believe in Lazarus' rising
from the dead?"
"I... I do. Why do you ask all this?"
"You believe it literally?"
"Literally."
"You don't say so.... I asked from curiosity.
Excuse me. But let us go back to the question; they are not always
executed. Some, on the contrary..."
"Triumph in their lifetime? Oh, yes, some
attain their ends in this life, and then..."
"They begin executing other people?"
"If it's necessary; indeed, for the most part
they do. Your remark is very witty."
"Thank you. But tell me this: how do you
distinguish those extraordinary people from the ordinary ones? Are there
signs at their birth? I feel there ought to be more exactitude, more
external definition. Excuse the natural anxiety of a practical
law-abiding citizen, but couldn't they adopt a special uniform, for
instance, couldn't they wear something, be branded in some way? For you
know if confusion arises and a member of one category imagines that he
belongs to the other, begins to 'eliminate obstacles' as you so happily
expressed it, then..."
"Oh, that very often happens! That remark is
wittier than the other."
"Thank you."
"No reason to; but take note that the mistake
can only arise in the first category, that is among the ordinary people
(as I perhaps unfortunately called them). In spite of their
predisposition to obedience very many of them, through a playfulness of
nature, sometimes vouchsafed even to the cow, like to imagine themselves
advanced people, 'destroyers,' and to push themselves into the 'new
movement,' and this quite sincerely. Meanwhile the really new
people are very often unobserved by them, or even despised as
reactionaries of grovelling tendencies. But I don't think there is any
considerable danger here, and you really need not be uneasy for they
never go very far. Of course, they might have a thrashing sometimes for
letting their fancy run away with them and to teach them their place,
but no more; in fact, even this isn't necessary as they castigate
themselves, for they are very conscientious: some perform this service
for one another and others chastise themselves with their own hands....
They will impose various public acts of penitence upon themselves with a
beautiful and edifying effect; in fact you've nothing to be uneasy
about.... It's a law of nature."
"Well, you have certainly set my mind more at
rest on that score; but there's another thing worries me. Tell me,
please, are there many people who have the right to kill others, these
extraordinary people? I am ready to bow down to them, of course, but you
must admit it's alarming if there are a great many of them, eh?"
"Oh, you needn't worry about that
either," Raskolnikov went on in the same tone. "People with
new ideas, people with the faintest capacity for saying something new,
are extremely few in number, extraordinarily so in fact. One thing only
is clear, that the appearance of all these grades and sub-divisions of
men must follow with unfailing regularity some law of nature. That law,
of course, is unknown at present, but I am convinced that it exists, and
one day may become known. The vast mass of mankind is mere material, and
only exists in order by some great effort, by some mysterious process,
by means of some crossing of races and stocks, to bring into the world
at last perhaps one man out of a thousand with a spark of independence.
One in ten thousand perhaps—I speak roughly, approximately—is born
with some independence, and with still greater independence one in a
hundred thousand. The man of genius is one of millions, and the great
geniuses, the crown of humanity, appear on earth perhaps one in many
thousand millions. In fact I have not peeped into the retort in which
all this takes place. But there certainly is and must be a definite law,
it cannot be a matter of chance."
"Why, are you both joking?" Razumihin
cried at last. "There you sit, making fun of one another. Are you
serious, Rodya?"
Raskolnikov raised his pale and almost mournful
face and made no reply. And the unconcealed, persistent, nervous, and discourteous
sarcasm of Porfiry seemed strange to Razumihin beside that quiet and
mournful face.
"Well, brother, if you are really serious...
You are right, of course, in saying that it's not new, that it's like
what we've read and heard a thousand times already; but what is really
original in all this, and is exclusively your own, to my horror, is that
you sanction bloodshed in the name of conscience, and, excuse my
saying so, with such fanaticism.... That, I take it, is the point of
your article. But that sanction of bloodshed by conscience is to
my mind... more terrible than the official, legal sanction of
bloodshed...."
"You are quite right, it is more
terrible," Porfiry agreed.
"Yes, you must have exaggerated! There is
some mistake, I shall read it. You can't think that! I shall read
it."
"All that is not in the article, there's only
a hint of it," said Raskolnikov.
"Yes, yes." Porfiry couldn't sit still.
"Your attitude to crime is pretty clear to me now, but... excuse me
for my impertinence (I am really ashamed to be worrying you like this),
you see, you've removed my anxiety as to the two grades getting mixed,
but... there are various practical possibilities that make me uneasy!
What if some man or youth imagines that he is a Lycurgus or Mahomet—a
future one of course—and suppose he begins to remove all obstacles....
He has some great enterprise before him and needs money for it... and
tries to get it... do you see?"
Zametov gave a sudden guffaw in his corner.
Raskolnikov did not even raise his eyes to him.
"I must admit," he went on calmly,
"that such cases certainly must arise. The vain and foolish are
particularly apt to fall into that snare; young people especially."
"Yes, you see. Well then?"
"What then?" Raskolnikov smiled in
reply; "that's not my fault. So it is and so it always will be. He
said just now (he nodded at Razumihin) that I sanction bloodshed.
Society is too well protected by prisons, banishment, criminal
investigators, penal servitude. There's no need to be uneasy. You have
but to catch the thief."
"And what if we do catch him?"
"Then he gets what he deserves."
"You are certainly logical. But what of his
conscience?"
"Why do you care about that?"
"Simply from humanity."
"If he has a conscience he will suffer for
his mistake. That will be his punishment—as well as the prison."
"But the real geniuses," asked Razumihin
frowning, "those who have the right to murder? Oughtn't they to
suffer at all even for the blood they've shed?"
"Why the word ought? It's not a matter
of permission or prohibition. He will suffer if he is sorry for his
victim. Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large
intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have
great sadness on earth," he added dreamily, not in the tone of the
conversation.
He raised his eyes, looked earnestly at them all,
smiled, and took his cap. He was too quiet by comparison with his manner
at his entrance, and he felt this. Everyone got up.
"Well, you may abuse me, be angry with me if
you like," Porfiry Petrovitch began again, "but I can't
resist. Allow me one little question (I know I am troubling you). There
is just one little notion I want to express, simply that I may not
forget it."
"Very good, tell me your little notion,"
Raskolnikov stood waiting, pale and grave before him.
"Well, you see... I really don't know how to
express it properly.... It's a playful, psychological idea.... When you
were writing your article, surely you couldn't have helped, he-he!
fancying yourself... just a little, an 'extraordinary' man, uttering a new
word in your sense.... That's so, isn't it?"
"Quite possibly," Raskolnikov answered
contemptuously.
Razumihin made a movement.
"And, if so, could you bring yourself in case
of worldly difficulties and hardship or for some service to
humanity—to overstep obstacles?... For instance, to rob and
murder?"
And again he winked with his left eye, and laughed
noiselessly just as before.
"If I did I certainly should not tell
you," Raskolnikov answered with defiant and haughty contempt.
"No, I was only interested on account of your
article, from a literary point of view..."
"Foo! how obvious and insolent that is!"
Raskolnikov thought with repulsion.
"Allow me to observe," he answered
dryly, "that I don't consider myself a Mahomet or a Napoleon, nor
any personage of that kind, and not being one of them I cannot tell you
how I should act."
"Oh, come, don't we all think ourselves
Napoleons now in Russia?" Porfiry Petrovitch said with alarming
familiarity.
Something peculiar betrayed itself in the very
intonation of his voice.
"Perhaps it was one of these future Napoleons
who did for Alyona Ivanovna last week?" Zametov blurted out from
the corner.
Raskolnikov did not speak, but looked firmly and
intently at Porfiry. Razumihin was scowling gloomily. He seemed before
this to be noticing something. He looked angrily around. There was a
minute of gloomy silence. Raskolnikov turned to go.
"Are you going already?" Porfiry said
amiably, holding out his hand with excessive politeness. "Very,
very glad of your acquaintance. As for your request, have no uneasiness,
write just as I told you, or, better still, come to me there yourself in
a day or two... to-morrow, indeed. I shall be there at eleven o'clock
for certain. We'll arrange it all; we'll have a talk. As one of the last
to be there, you might perhaps be able to tell us
something," he added with a most good-natured expression.
"You want to cross-examine me officially in
due form?" Raskolnikov asked sharply.
"Oh, why? That's not necessary for the
present. You misunderstand me. I lose no opportunity, you see, and...
I've talked with all who had pledges.... I obtained evidence from some
of them, and you are the last.... Yes, by the way," he cried,
seemingly suddenly delighted, "I just remember, what was I thinking
of?" he turned to Razumihin, "you were talking my ears off
about that Nikolay... of course, I know, I know very well," he
turned to Raskolnikov, "that the fellow is innocent, but what is
one to do? We had to trouble Dmitri too.... This is the point, this is
all: when you went up the stairs it was past seven, wasn't it?"
"Yes," answered Raskolnikov, with an
unpleasant sensation at the very moment he spoke that he need not have
said it.
"Then when you went upstairs between seven
and eight, didn't you see in a flat that stood open on a second storey,
do you remember? two workmen or at least one of them? They were painting
there, didn't you notice them? It's very, very important for them."
"Painters? No, I didn't see them,"
Raskolnikov answered slowly, as though ransacking his memory, while at
the same instant he was racking every nerve, almost swooning with
anxiety to conjecture as quickly as possible where the trap lay and not
to overlook anything. "No, I didn't see them, and I don't think I
noticed a flat like that open.... But on the fourth storey" (he had
mastered the trap now and was triumphant) "I remember now that
someone was moving out of the flat opposite Alyona Ivanovna's.... I
remember... I remember it clearly. Some porters were carrying out a sofa
and they squeezed me against the wall. But painters... no, I don't
remember that there were any painters, and I don't think that there was
a flat open anywhere, no, there wasn't."
"What do you mean?" Razumihin shouted
suddenly, as though he had reflected and realised. "Why, it was on
the day of the murder the painters were at work, and he was there three
days before? What are you asking?"
"Foo! I have muddled it!" Porfiry
slapped himself on the forehead. "Deuce take it! This business is
turning my brain!" he addressed Raskolnikov somewhat
apologetically. "It would be such a great thing for us to find out
whether anyone had seen them between seven and eight at the flat, so I
fancied you could perhaps have told us something.... I quite muddled
it."
"Then you should be more careful,"
Razumihin observed grimly.
The last words were uttered in the passage.
Porfiry Petrovitch saw them to the door with excessive politeness.
They went out into the street gloomy and sullen,
and for some steps they did not say a word. Raskolnikov drew a deep
breath.
CHAPTER VI
"I don't believe it, I can't believe
it!" repeated Razumihin, trying in perplexity to refute
Raskolnikov's arguments.
They were by now approaching Bakaleyev's lodgings,
where Pulcheria Alexandrovna and Dounia had been expecting them a long
while. Razumihin kept stopping on the way in the heat of discussion,
confused and excited by the very fact that they were for the first time
speaking openly about it.
"Don't believe it, then!" answered
Raskolnikov, with a cold, careless smile. "You were noticing
nothing as usual, but I was weighing every word."
"You are suspicious. That is why you weighed
their words... h'm... certainly, I agree, Porfiry's tone was rather
strange, and still more that wretch Zametov!... You are right, there was
something about him—but why? Why?"
"He has changed his mind since last
night."
"Quite the contrary! If they had that
brainless idea, they would do their utmost to hide it, and conceal their
cards, so as to catch you afterwards.... But it was all impudent and
careless."
"If they had had facts—I mean, real
facts—or at least grounds for suspicion, then they would certainly
have tried to hide their game, in the hope of getting more (they would
have made a search long ago besides). But they have no facts, not one.
It is all mirage—all ambiguous. Simply a floating idea. So they try to
throw me out by impudence. And perhaps, he was irritated at having no
facts, and blurted it out in his vexation—or perhaps he has some
plan... he seems an intelligent man. Perhaps he wanted to frighten me by
pretending to know. They have a psychology of their own, brother. But it
is loathsome explaining it all. Stop!"
"And it's insulting, insulting! I understand
you. But... since we have spoken openly now (and it is an excellent
thing that we have at last—I am glad) I will own now frankly that I
noticed it in them long ago, this idea. Of course the merest hint
only—an insinuation—but why an insinuation even? How dare they? What
foundation have they? If only you knew how furious I have been. Think
only! Simply because a poor student, unhinged by poverty and
hypochondria, on the eve of a severe delirious illness (note that),
suspicious, vain, proud, who has not seen a soul to speak to for six
months, in rags and in boots without soles, has to face some wretched
policemen and put up with their insolence; and the unexpected debt
thrust under his nose, the I.O.U. presented by Tchebarov, the new paint,
thirty degrees Reaumur and a stifling atmosphere, a crowd of people, the
talk about the murder of a person where he had been just before, and all
that on an empty stomach—he might well have a fainting fit! And that,
that is what they found it all on! Damn them! I understand how annoying
it is, but in your place, Rodya, I would laugh at them, or better still,
spit in their ugly faces, and spit a dozen times in all directions. I'd
hit out in all directions, neatly too, and so I'd put an end to it. Damn
them! Don't be downhearted. It's a shame!"
"He really has put it well, though,"
Raskolnikov thought.
"Damn them? But the cross-examination again,
to-morrow?" he said with bitterness. "Must I really enter into
explanations with them? I feel vexed as it is, that I condescended to
speak to Zametov yesterday in the restaurant...."
"Damn it! I will go myself to Porfiry. I will
squeeze it out of him, as one of the family: he must let me know the ins
and outs of it all! And as for Zametov..."
"At last he sees through him!" thought
Raskolnikov.
"Stay!" cried Razumihin, seizing him by
the shoulder again. "Stay! you were wrong. I have thought it out.
You are wrong! How was that a trap? You say that the question about the
workmen was a trap. But if you had done that, could you have said
you had seen them painting the flat... and the workmen? On the contrary,
you would have seen nothing, even if you had seen it. Who would own it
against himself?"
"If I had done that thing, I should
certainly have said that I had seen the workmen and the flat,"
Raskolnikov answered, with reluctance and obvious disgust.
"But why speak against yourself?"
"Because only peasants, or the most
inexperienced novices deny everything flatly at examinations. If a man
is ever so little developed and experienced, he will certainly try to
admit all the external facts that can't be avoided, but will seek other
explanations of them, will introduce some special, unexpected turn, that
will give them another significance and put them in another light.
Porfiry might well reckon that I should be sure to answer so, and say I
had seen them to give an air of truth, and then make some
explanation."
"But he would have told you at once that the
workmen could not have been there two days before, and that therefore
you must have been there on the day of the murder at eight o'clock. And
so he would have caught you over a detail."
"Yes, that is what he was reckoning on, that
I should not have time to reflect, and should be in a hurry to make the
most likely answer, and so would forget that the workmen could not have
been there two days before."
"But how could you forget it?"
"Nothing easier. It is in just such stupid
things clever people are most easily caught. The more cunning a man is,
the less he suspects that he will be caught in a simple thing. The more
cunning a man is, the simpler the trap he must be caught in. Porfiry is
not such a fool as you think...."
"He is a knave then, if that is so!"
Raskolnikov could not help laughing. But at the
very moment, he was struck by the strangeness of his own frankness, and
the eagerness with which he had made this explanation, though he had
kept up all the preceding conversation with gloomy repulsion, obviously
with a motive, from necessity.
"I am getting a relish for certain
aspects!" he thought to himself. But almost at the same instant he
became suddenly uneasy, as though an unexpected and alarming idea had
occurred to him. His uneasiness kept on increasing. They had just
reached the entrance to Bakaleyev's.
"Go in alone!" said Raskolnikov
suddenly. "I will be back directly."
"Where are you going? Why, we are just
here."
"I can't help it.... I will come in half an
hour. Tell them."
"Say what you like, I will come with
you."
"You, too, want to torture me!" he
screamed, with such bitter irritation, such despair in his eyes that
Razumihin's hands dropped. He stood for some time on the steps, looking
gloomily at Raskolnikov striding rapidly away in the direction of his
lodging. At last, gritting his teeth and clenching his fist, he swore he
would squeeze Porfiry like a lemon that very day, and went up the stairs
to reassure Pulcheria Alexandrovna, who was by now alarmed at their long
absence.
When Raskolnikov got home, his hair was soaked
with sweat and he was breathing heavily. He went rapidly up the stairs,
walked into his unlocked room and at once fastened the latch. Then in
senseless terror he rushed to the corner, to that hole under the paper
where he had put the things; put his hand in, and for some minutes felt
carefully in the hole, in every crack and fold of the paper. Finding
nothing, he got up and drew a deep breath. As he was reaching the steps
of Bakaleyev's, he suddenly fancied that something, a chain, a stud or
even a bit of paper in which they had been wrapped with the old woman's
handwriting on it, might somehow have slipped out and been lost in some
crack, and then might suddenly turn up as unexpected, conclusive
evidence against him.
He stood as though lost in thought, and a strange,
humiliated, half senseless smile strayed on his lips. He took his cap at
last and went quietly out of the room. His ideas were all tangled. He
went dreamily through the gateway.
"Here he is himself," shouted a loud
voice.
He raised his head.
The porter was standing at the door of his little
room and was pointing him out to a short man who looked like an artisan,
wearing a long coat and a waistcoat, and looking at a distance
remarkably like a woman. He stooped, and his head in a greasy cap hung
forward. From his wrinkled flabby face he looked over fifty; his little
eyes were lost in fat and they looked out grimly, sternly and
discontentedly.
"What is it?" Raskolnikov asked, going
up to the porter.
The man stole a look at him from under his brows
and he looked at him attentively, deliberately; then he turned slowly
and went out of the gate into the street without saying a word.
"What is it?" cried Raskolnikov.
"Why, he there was asking whether a student
lived here, mentioned your name and whom you lodged with. I saw you
coming and pointed you out and he went away. It's funny."
The porter too seemed rather puzzled, but not much
so, and after wondering for a moment he turned and went back to his
room.
Raskolnikov ran after the stranger, and at once
caught sight of him walking along the other side of the street with the
same even, deliberate step with his eyes fixed on the ground, as though
in meditation. He soon overtook him, but for some time walked behind
him. At last, moving on to a level with him, he looked at his face. The
man noticed him at once, looked at him quickly, but dropped his eyes
again; and so they walked for a minute side by side without uttering a
word.
"You were inquiring for me... of the
porter?" Raskolnikov said at last, but in a curiously quiet voice.
The man made no answer; he didn't even look at
him. Again they were both silent.
"Why do you... come and ask for me... and say
nothing.... What's the meaning of it?"
Raskolnikov's voice broke and he seemed unable to
articulate the words clearly.
The man raised his eyes this time and turned a
gloomy sinister look at Raskolnikov.
"Murderer!" he said suddenly in a quiet
but clear and distinct voice.
Raskolnikov went on walking beside him. His legs
felt suddenly weak, a cold shiver ran down his spine, and his heart
seemed to stand still for a moment, then suddenly began throbbing as
though it were set free. So they walked for about a hundred paces, side
by side in silence.
The man did not look at him.
"What do you mean... what is.... Who is a
murderer?" muttered Raskolnikov hardly audibly.
"You are a murderer," the man
answered still more articulately and emphatically, with a smile of
triumphant hatred, and again he looked straight into Raskolnikov's pale
face and stricken eyes.
They had just reached the cross-roads. The man
turned to the left without looking behind him. Raskolnikov remained
standing, gazing after him. He saw him turn round fifty paces away and
look back at him still standing there. Raskolnikov could not see
clearly, but he fancied that he was again smiling the same smile of cold
hatred and triumph.
With slow faltering steps, with shaking knees,
Raskolnikov made his way back to his little garret, feeling chilled all
over. He took off his cap and put it on the table, and for ten minutes
he stood without moving. Then he sank exhausted on the sofa and with a
weak moan of pain he stretched himself on it. So he lay for half an
hour.
He thought of nothing. Some thoughts or fragments
of thoughts, some images without order or coherence floated before his
mind—faces of people he had seen in his childhood or met somewhere
once, whom he would never have recalled, the belfry of the church at V.,
the billiard table in a restaurant and some officers playing billiards,
the smell of cigars in some underground tobacco shop, a tavern room, a
back staircase quite dark, all sloppy with dirty water and strewn with
egg-shells, and the Sunday bells floating in from somewhere.... The
images followed one another, whirling like a hurricane. Some of them he
liked and tried to clutch at, but they faded and all the while there was
an oppression within him, but it was not overwhelming, sometimes it was
even pleasant.... The slight shivering still persisted, but that too was
an almost pleasant sensation.
He heard the hurried footsteps of Razumihin; he
closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. Razumihin opened the door
and stood for some time in the doorway as though hesitating, then he
stepped softly into the room and went cautiously to the sofa.
Raskolnikov heard Nastasya's whisper:
"Don't disturb him! Let him sleep. He can
have his dinner later."
"Quite so," answered Razumihin. Both
withdrew carefully and closed the door. Another half-hour passed.
Raskolnikov opened his eyes, turned on his back again, clasping his
hands behind his head.
"Who is he? Who is that man who sprang out of
the earth? Where was he, what did he see? He has seen it all, that's
clear. Where was he then? And from where did he see? Why has he only now
sprung out of the earth? And how could he see? Is it possible?
Hm..." continued Raskolnikov, turning cold and shivering, "and
the jewel case Nikolay found behind the door—was that possible? A
clue? You miss an infinitesimal line and you can build it into a pyramid
of evidence! A fly flew by and saw it! Is it possible?" He felt
with sudden loathing how weak, how physically weak he had become.
"I ought to have known it," he thought with a bitter smile.
"And how dared I, knowing myself, knowing how I should be, take up
an axe and shed blood! I ought to have known beforehand.... Ah, but I
did know!" he whispered in despair. At times he came to a
standstill at some thought.
"No, those men are not made so. The real Master
to whom all is permitted storms Toulon, makes a massacre in Paris, forgets
an army in Egypt, wastes half a million men in the Moscow
expedition and gets off with a jest at Vilna. And altars are set up to
him after his death, and so all is permitted. No, such people, it
seems, are not of flesh but of bronze!"
One sudden irrelevant idea almost made him laugh.
Napoleon, the pyramids, Waterloo, and a wretched skinny old woman, a
pawnbroker with a red trunk under her bed—it's a nice hash for Porfiry
Petrovitch to digest! How can they digest it! It's too inartistic.
"A Napoleon creep under an old woman's bed! Ugh, how
loathsome!"
At moments he felt he was raving. He sank into a
state of feverish excitement. "The old woman is of no
consequence," he thought, hotly and incoherently. "The old
woman was a mistake perhaps, but she is not what matters! The old woman
was only an illness.... I was in a hurry to overstep.... I didn't kill a
human being, but a principle! I killed the principle, but I didn't
overstep, I stopped on this side.... I was only capable of killing. And
it seems I wasn't even capable of that... Principle? Why was that fool
Razumihin abusing the socialists? They are industrious, commercial
people; 'the happiness of all' is their case. No, life is only given to
me once and I shall never have it again; I don't want to wait for 'the
happiness of all.' I want to live myself, or else better not live at
all. I simply couldn't pass by my mother starving, keeping my rouble in
my pocket while I waited for the 'happiness of all.' I am putting my
little brick into the happiness of all and so my heart is at peace.
Ha-ha! Why have you let me slip? I only live once, I too want.... Ech, I
am an æsthetic louse and nothing more," he added suddenly,
laughing like a madman. "Yes, I am certainly a louse," he went
on, clutching at the idea, gloating over it and playing with it with
vindictive pleasure. "In the first place, because I can reason that
I am one, and secondly, because for a month past I have been troubling
benevolent Providence, calling it to witness that not for my own fleshly
lusts did I undertake it, but with a grand and noble object—ha-ha!
Thirdly, because I aimed at carrying it out as justly as possible,
weighing, measuring and calculating. Of all the lice I picked out the
most useless one and proposed to take from her only as much as I needed
for the first step, no more nor less (so the rest would have gone to a
monastery, according to her will, ha-ha!). And what shows that I am
utterly a louse," he added, grinding his teeth, "is that I am
perhaps viler and more loathsome than the louse I killed, and I felt
beforehand that I should tell myself so after killing her.
Can anything be compared with the horror of that? The vulgarity! The
abjectness! I understand the 'prophet' with his sabre, on his steed:
Allah commands and 'trembling' creation must obey! The 'prophet' is
right, he is right when he sets a battery across the street and blows up
the innocent and the guilty without deigning to explain! It's for you to
obey, trembling creation, and not to have desires, for that's not
for you!... I shall never, never forgive the old woman!"
His hair was soaked with sweat, his quivering lips
were parched, his eyes were fixed on the ceiling.
"Mother, sister—how I loved them! Why do I
hate them now? Yes, I hate them, I feel a physical hatred for them, I
can't bear them near me.... I went up to my mother and kissed her, I
remember.... To embrace her and think if she only knew... shall I tell
her then? That's just what I might do.... She must be the same as
I am," he added, straining himself to think, as it were struggling
with delirium. "Ah, how I hate the old woman now! I feel I should
kill her again if she came to life! Poor Lizaveta! Why did she come
in?... It's strange though, why is it I scarcely ever think of her, as
though I hadn't killed her? Lizaveta! Sonia! Poor gentle things, with
gentle eyes.... Dear women! Why don't they weep? Why don't they moan?
They give up everything... their eyes are soft and gentle.... Sonia,
Sonia! Gentle Sonia!"
He lost consciousness; it seemed strange to him
that he didn't remember how he got into the street. It was late evening.
The twilight had fallen and the full moon was shining more and more
brightly; but there was a peculiar breathlessness in the air. There were
crowds of people in the street; workmen and business people were making
their way home; other people had come out for a walk; there was a smell
of mortar, dust and stagnant water. Raskolnikov walked along, mournful
and anxious; he was distinctly aware of having come out with a purpose,
of having to do something in a hurry, but what it was he had forgotten.
Suddenly he stood still and saw a man standing on the other side of the
street, beckoning to him. He crossed over to him, but at once the man
turned and walked away with his head hanging, as though he had made no
sign to him. "Stay, did he really beckon?" Raskolnikov
wondered, but he tried to overtake him. When he was within ten paces he
recognised him and was frightened; it was the same man with stooping
shoulders in the long coat. Raskolnikov followed him at a distance; his
heart was beating; they went down a turning; the man still did not look
round. "Does he know I am following him?" thought Raskolnikov.
The man went into the gateway of a big house. Raskolnikov hastened to
the gate and looked in to see whether he would look round and sign to
him. In the court-yard the man did turn round and again seemed to beckon
him. Raskolnikov at once followed him into the yard, but the man was
gone. He must have gone up the first staircase. Raskolnikov rushed after
him. He heard slow measured steps two flights above. The staircase
seemed strangely familiar. He reached the window on the first floor; the
moon shone through the panes with a melancholy and mysterious light;
then he reached the second floor. Bah! this is the flat where the
painters were at work... but how was it he did not recognise it at once?
The steps of the man above had died away. "So he must have stopped
or hidden somewhere." He reached the third storey, should he go on?
There was a stillness that was dreadful.... But he went on. The sound of
his own footsteps scared and frightened him. How dark it was! The man
must be hiding in some corner here. Ah! the flat was standing wide open,
he hesitated and went in. It was very dark and empty in the passage, as
though everything had been removed; he crept on tiptoe into the parlour
which was flooded with moonlight. Everything there was as before, the
chairs, the looking-glass, the yellow sofa and the pictures in the
frames. A huge, round, copper-red moon looked in at the windows.
"It's the moon that makes it so still, weaving some mystery,"
thought Raskolnikov. He stood and waited, waited a long while, and the
more silent the moonlight, the more violently his heart beat, till it
was painful. And still the same hush. Suddenly he heard a momentary
sharp crack like the snapping of a splinter and all was still again. A
fly flew up suddenly and struck the window pane with a plaintive buzz.
At that moment he noticed in the corner between the window and the
little cupboard something like a cloak hanging on the wall. "Why is
that cloak here?" he thought, "it wasn't there
before...." He went up to it quietly and felt that there was
someone hiding behind it. He cautiously moved the cloak and saw, sitting
on a chair in the corner, the old woman bent double so that he couldn't
see her face; but it was she. He stood over her. "She is
afraid," he thought. He stealthily took the axe from the noose and
struck her one blow, then another on the skull. But strange to say she
did not stir, as though she were made of wood. He was frightened, bent
down nearer and tried to look at her; but she, too, bent her head lower.
He bent right down to the ground and peeped up into her face from below,
he peeped and turned cold with horror: the old woman was sitting and
laughing, shaking with noiseless laughter, doing her utmost that he
should not hear it. Suddenly he fancied that the door from the bedroom
was opened a little and that there was laughter and whispering within.
He was overcome with frenzy and he began hitting the old woman on the
head with all his force, but at every blow of the axe the laughter and
whispering from the bedroom grew louder and the old woman was simply
shaking with mirth. He was rushing away, but the passage was full of
people, the doors of the flats stood open and on the landing, on the
stairs and everywhere below there were people, rows of heads, all
looking, but huddled together in silence and expectation. Something
gripped his heart, his legs were rooted to the spot, they would not
move.... He tried to scream and woke up.
He drew a deep breath—but his dream seemed
strangely to persist: his door was flung open and a man whom he had
never seen stood in the doorway watching him intently.
Raskolnikov had hardly opened his eyes and he
instantly closed them again. He lay on his back without stirring.
"Is it still a dream?" he wondered and
again raised his eyelids hardly perceptibly; the stranger was standing
in the same place, still watching him.
He stepped cautiously into the room, carefully
closing the door after him, went up to the table, paused a moment, still
keeping his eyes on Raskolnikov, and noiselessly seated himself on the
chair by the sofa; he put his hat on the floor beside him and leaned his
hands on his cane and his chin on his hands. It was evident that he was
prepared to wait indefinitely. As far as Raskolnikov could make out from
his stolen glances, he was a man no longer young, stout, with a full,
fair, almost whitish beard.
Ten minutes passed. It was still light, but
beginning to get dusk. There was complete stillness in the room. Not a
sound came from the stairs. Only a big fly buzzed and fluttered against
the window pane. It was unbearable at last. Raskolnikov suddenly got up
and sat on the sofa.
"Come, tell me what you want."
"I knew you were not asleep, but only
pretending," the stranger answered oddly, laughing calmly.
"Arkady Ivanovitch Svidrigaïlov, allow me to introduce
myself...."
PART IV
CHAPTER I
"Can this be still a dream?"
Raskolnikov thought once more.
He looked carefully and suspiciously at the
unexpected visitor.
"Svidrigaïlov! What nonsense! It can't
be!" he said at last aloud in bewilderment.
His visitor did not seem at all surprised at this
exclamation.
"I've come to you for two reasons. In the
first place, I wanted to make your personal acquaintance, as I have
already heard a great deal about you that is interesting and flattering;
secondly, I cherish the hope that you may not refuse to assist me in a
matter directly concerning the welfare of your sister, Avdotya
Romanovna. For without your support she might not let me come near her
now, for she is prejudiced against me, but with your assistance I reckon
on..."
"You reckon wrongly," interrupted
Raskolnikov.
"They only arrived yesterday, may I ask
you?"
Raskolnikov made no reply.
"It was yesterday, I know. I only arrived
myself the day before. Well, let me tell you this, Rodion Romanovitch, I
don't consider it necessary to justify myself, but kindly tell me what
was there particularly criminal on my part in all this business,
speaking without prejudice, with common sense?"
Raskolnikov continued to look at him in silence.
"That in my own house I persecuted a
defenceless girl and 'insulted her with my infamous proposals'—is that
it? (I am anticipating you.) But you've only to assume that I, too, am a
man et nihil humanum... in a word, that I am capable of being
attracted and falling in love (which does not depend on our will), then
everything can be explained in the most natural manner. The question is,
am I a monster, or am I myself a victim? And what if I am a victim? In
proposing to the object of my passion to elope with me to America or
Switzerland, I may have cherished the deepest respect for her and may
have thought that I was promoting our mutual happiness! Reason is the
slave of passion, you know; why, probably, I was doing more harm to
myself than anyone!"
"But that's not the point," Raskolnikov
interrupted with disgust. "It's simply that whether you are right
or wrong, we dislike you. We don't want to have anything to do with you.
We show you the door. Go out!"
Svidrigaïlov broke into a sudden laugh.
"But you're... but there's no getting round
you," he said, laughing in the frankest way. "I hoped to get
round you, but you took up the right line at once!"
"But you are trying to get round me
still!"
"What of it? What of it?" cried Svidrigaïlov,
laughing openly. "But this is what the French call bonne guerre,
and the most innocent form of deception!... But still you have
interrupted me; one way or another, I repeat again: there would never
have been any unpleasantness except for what happened in the garden.
Marfa Petrovna..."
"You have got rid of Marfa Petrovna, too, so
they say?" Raskolnikov interrupted rudely.
"Oh, you've heard that, too, then? You'd be
sure to, though.... But as for your question, I really don't know what
to say, though my own conscience is quite at rest on that score. Don't
suppose that I am in any apprehension about it. All was regular and in
order; the medical inquiry diagnosed apoplexy due to bathing immediately
after a heavy dinner and a bottle of wine, and indeed it could have
proved nothing else. But I'll tell you what I have been thinking to
myself of late, on my way here in the train, especially: didn't I
contribute to all that... calamity, morally, in a way, by irritation or
something of the sort. But I came to the conclusion that that, too, was
quite out of the question."
Raskolnikov laughed.
"I wonder you trouble yourself about
it!"
"But what are you laughing at? Only consider,
I struck her just twice with a switch—there were no marks even...
don't regard me as a cynic, please; I am perfectly aware how atrocious
it was of me and all that; but I know for certain, too, that Marfa
Petrovna was very likely pleased at my, so to say, warmth. The story of
your sister had been wrung out to the last drop; for the last three days
Marfa Petrovna had been forced to sit at home; she had nothing to show
herself with in the town. Besides, she had bored them so with that
letter (you heard about her reading the letter). And all of a sudden
those two switches fell from heaven! Her first act was to order the
carriage to be got out.... Not to speak of the fact that there are cases
when women are very, very glad to be insulted in spite of all their show
of indignation. There are instances of it with everyone; human beings in
general, indeed, greatly love to be insulted, have you noticed that? But
it's particularly so with women. One might even say it's their only
amusement."
At one time Raskolnikov thought of getting up and
walking out and so finishing the interview. But some curiosity and even
a sort of prudence made him linger for a moment.
"You are fond of fighting?" he asked
carelessly.
"No, not very," Svidrigaïlov answered,
calmly. "And Marfa Petrovna and I scarcely ever fought. We lived
very harmoniously, and she was always pleased with me. I only used the
whip twice in all our seven years (not counting a third occasion of a
very ambiguous character). The first time, two months after our
marriage, immediately after we arrived in the country, and the last time
was that of which we are speaking. Did you suppose I was such a monster,
such a reactionary, such a slave driver? Ha, ha! By the way, do you
remember, Rodion Romanovitch, how a few years ago, in those days of
beneficent publicity, a nobleman, I've forgotten his name, was put to
shame everywhere, in all the papers, for having thrashed a German woman
in the railway train. You remember? It was in those days, that very year
I believe, the 'disgraceful action of the Age' took place (you
know, 'The Egyptian Nights,' that public reading, you remember? The dark
eyes, you know! Ah, the golden days of our youth, where are they?).
Well, as for the gentleman who thrashed the German, I feel no sympathy
with him, because after all what need is there for sympathy? But I must
say that there are sometimes such provoking 'Germans' that I don't
believe there is a progressive who could quite answer for himself. No
one looked at the subject from that point of view then, but that's the
truly humane point of view, I assure you."
After saying this, Svidrigaïlov broke into a
sudden laugh again. Raskolnikov saw clearly that this was a man with a
firm purpose in his mind and able to keep it to himself.
"I expect you've not talked to anyone for
some days?" he asked.
"Scarcely anyone. I suppose you are wondering
at my being such an adaptable man?"
"No, I am only wondering at your being too
adaptable a man."
"Because I am not offended at the rudeness of
your questions? Is that it? But why take offence? As you asked, so I
answered," he replied, with a surprising expression of simplicity.
"You know, there's hardly anything I take interest in," he
went on, as it were dreamily, "especially now, I've nothing to
do.... You are quite at liberty to imagine though that I am making up to
you with a motive, particularly as I told you I want to see your sister
about something. But I'll confess frankly, I am very much bored. The
last three days especially, so I am delighted to see you.... Don't be
angry, Rodion Romanovitch, but you seem to be somehow awfully strange
yourself. Say what you like, there's something wrong with you, and now,
too... not this very minute, I mean, but now, generally.... Well, well,
I won't, I won't, don't scowl! I am not such a bear, you know, as you
think."
Raskolnikov looked gloomily at him.
"You are not a bear, perhaps, at all,"
he said. "I fancy indeed that you are a man of very good breeding,
or at least know how on occasion to behave like one."
"I am not particularly interested in anyone's
opinion," Svidrigaïlov answered, dryly and even with a shade of
haughtiness, "and therefore why not be vulgar at times when
vulgarity is such a convenient cloak for our climate... and especially
if one has a natural propensity that way," he added, laughing
again.
"But I've heard you have many friends here.
You are, as they say, 'not without connections.' What can you want with
me, then, unless you've some special object?"
"That's true that I have friends here,"
Svidrigaïlov admitted, not replying to the chief point. "I've met
some already. I've been lounging about for the last three days, and I've
seen them, or they've seen me. That's a matter of course. I am well
dressed and reckoned not a poor man; the emancipation of the serfs
hasn't affected me; my property consists chiefly of forests and water
meadows. The revenue has not fallen off; but... I am not going to see
them, I was sick of them long ago. I've been here three days and have
called on no one.... What a town it is! How has it come into existence
among us, tell me that? A town of officials and students of all sorts.
Yes, there's a great deal I didn't notice when I was here eight years
ago, kicking up my heels.... My only hope now is in anatomy, by Jove, it
is!"
"Anatomy?"
"But as for these clubs, Dussauts, parades,
or progress, indeed, maybe—well, all that can go on without me,"
he went on, again without noticing the question. "Besides, who
wants to be a card-sharper?"
"Why, have you been a card-sharper
then?"
"How could I help being? There was a regular
set of us, men of the best society, eight years ago; we had a fine time.
And all men of breeding, you know, poets, men of property. And indeed as
a rule in our Russian society the best manners are found among those
who've been thrashed, have you noticed that? I've deteriorated in the
country. But I did get into prison for debt, through a low Greek who
came from Nezhin. Then Marfa Petrovna turned up; she bargained with him
and bought me off for thirty thousand silver pieces (I owed seventy
thousand). We were united in lawful wedlock and she bore me off into the
country like a treasure. You know she was five years older than I. She
was very fond of me. For seven years I never left the country. And, take
note, that all my life she held a document over me, the IOU for thirty
thousand roubles, so if I were to elect to be restive about anything I
should be trapped at once! And she would have done it! Women find
nothing incompatible in that."
"If it hadn't been for that, would you have
given her the slip?"
"I don't know what to say. It was scarcely
the document restrained me. I didn't want to go anywhere else. Marfa
Petrovna herself invited me to go abroad, seeing I was bored, but I've
been abroad before, and always felt sick there. For no reason, but the
sunrise, the bay of Naples, the sea—you look at them and it makes you
sad. What's most revolting is that one is really sad! No, it's better at
home. Here at least one blames others for everything and excuses
oneself. I should have gone perhaps on an expedition to the North Pole,
because j'ai le vin mauvais and hate drinking, and there's
nothing left but wine. I have tried it. But, I say, I've been told Berg
is going up in a great balloon next Sunday from the Yusupov Garden and
will take up passengers at a fee. Is it true?"
"Why, would you go up?"
"I... No, oh, no," muttered Svidrigaïlov
really seeming to be deep in thought.
"What does he mean? Is he in earnest?"
Raskolnikov wondered.
"No, the document didn't restrain me,"
Svidrigaïlov went on, meditatively. "It was my own doing, not
leaving the country, and nearly a year ago Marfa Petrovna gave me back
the document on my name-day and made me a present of a considerable sum
of money, too. She had a fortune, you know. 'You see how I trust you,
Arkady Ivanovitch'—that was actually her expression. You don't believe
she used it? But do you know I managed the estate quite decently, they
know me in the neighbourhood. I ordered books, too. Marfa Petrovna at
first approved, but afterwards she was afraid of my over-studying."
"You seem to be missing Marfa Petrovna very
much?"
"Missing her? Perhaps. Really, perhaps I am.
And, by the way, do you believe in ghosts?"
"What ghosts?"
"Why, ordinary ghosts."
"Do you believe in them?"
"Perhaps not, pour vous plaire.... I
wouldn't say no exactly."
"Do you see them, then?"
Svidrigaïlov looked at him rather oddly.
"Marfa Petrovna is pleased to visit me,"
he said, twisting his mouth into a strange smile.
"How do you mean 'she is pleased to visit
you'?"
"She has been three times. I saw her first on
the very day of the funeral, an hour after she was buried. It was the
day before I left to come here. The second time was the day before
yesterday, at daybreak, on the journey at the station of Malaya Vishera,
and the third time was two hours ago in the room where I am staying. I
was alone."
"Were you awake?"
"Quite awake. I was wide awake every time.
She comes, speaks to me for a minute and goes out at the door—always
at the door. I can almost hear her."
"What made me think that something of the
sort must be happening to you?" Raskolnikov said suddenly.
At the same moment he was surprised at having said
it. He was much excited.
"What! Did you think so?" Svidrigaïlov
asked in astonishment. "Did you really? Didn't I say that there was
something in common between us, eh?"
"You never said so!" Raskolnikov cried
sharply and with heat.
"Didn't I?"
"No!"
"I thought I did. When I came in and saw you
lying with your eyes shut, pretending, I said to myself at once, 'Here's
the man.'"
"What do you mean by 'the man?' What are you
talking about?" cried Raskolnikov.
"What do I mean? I really don't
know...." Svidrigaïlov muttered ingenuously, as though he, too,
were puzzled.
For a minute they were silent. They stared in each
other's faces.
"That's all nonsense!" Raskolnikov
shouted with vexation. "What does she say when she comes to
you?"
"She! Would you believe it, she talks of the
silliest trifles and—man is a strange creature—it makes me angry.
The first time she came in (I was tired you know: the funeral service,
the funeral ceremony, the lunch afterwards. At last I was left alone in
my study. I lighted a cigar and began to think), she came in at the
door. 'You've been so busy to-day, Arkady Ivanovitch, you have forgotten
to wind the dining-room clock,' she said. All those seven years I've
wound that clock every week, and if I forgot it she would always remind
me. The next day I set off on my way here. I got out at the station at
daybreak; I'd been asleep, tired out, with my eyes half open, I was
drinking some coffee. I looked up and there was suddenly Marfa Petrovna
sitting beside me with a pack of cards in her hands. 'Shall I tell your
fortune for the journey, Arkady Ivanovitch?' She was a great hand at
telling fortunes. I shall never forgive myself for not asking her to. I
ran away in a fright, and, besides, the bell rang. I was sitting to-day,
feeling very heavy after a miserable dinner from a cookshop; I was
sitting smoking, all of a sudden Marfa Petrovna again. She came in very
smart in a new green silk dress with a long train. 'Good day, Arkady
Ivanovitch! How do you like my dress? Aniska can't make like this.'
(Aniska was a dressmaker in the country, one of our former serf girls
who had been trained in Moscow, a pretty wench.) She stood turning round
before me. I looked at the dress, and then I looked carefully, very
carefully, at her face. 'I wonder you trouble to come to me about such
trifles, Marfa Petrovna.' 'Good gracious, you won't let one disturb you
about anything!' To tease her I said, 'I want to get married, Marfa
Petrovna.' 'That's just like you, Arkady Ivanovitch; it does you very
little credit to come looking for a bride when you've hardly buried your
wife. And if you could make a good choice, at least, but I know it won't
be for your happiness or hers, you will only be a laughing-stock to all
good people.' Then she went out and her train seemed to rustle. Isn't it
nonsense, eh?"
"But perhaps you are telling lies?"
Raskolnikov put in.
"I rarely lie," answered Svidrigaïlov
thoughtfully, apparently not noticing the rudeness of the question.
"And in the past, have you ever seen ghosts
before?"
"Y-yes, I have seen them, but only once in my
life, six years ago. I had a serf, Filka; just after his burial I called
out forgetting 'Filka, my pipe!' He came in and went to the cupboard
where my pipes were. I sat still and thought 'he is doing it out of
revenge,' because we had a violent quarrel just before his death. 'How
dare you come in with a hole in your elbow?' I said. 'Go away, you
scamp!' He turned and went out, and never came again. I didn't tell
Marfa Petrovna at the time. I wanted to have a service sung for him, but
I was ashamed."
"You should go to a doctor."
"I know I am not well, without your telling
me, though I don't know what's wrong; I believe I am five times as
strong as you are. I didn't ask you whether you believe that ghosts are
seen, but whether you believe that they exist."
"No, I won't believe it!" Raskolnikov
cried, with positive anger.
"What do people generally say?" muttered
Svidrigaïlov, as though speaking to himself, looking aside and bowing
his head. "They say, 'You are ill, so what appears to you is only
unreal fantasy.' But that's not strictly logical. I agree that ghosts
only appear to the sick, but that only proves that they are unable to
appear except to the sick, not that they don't exist."
"Nothing of the sort," Raskolnikov
insisted irritably.
"No? You don't think so?" Svidrigaïlov
went on, looking at him deliberately. "But what do you say to this
argument (help me with it): ghosts are, as it were, shreds and fragments
of other worlds, the beginning of them. A man in health has, of course,
no reason to see them, because he is above all a man of this earth and
is bound for the sake of completeness and order to live only in this
life. But as soon as one is ill, as soon as the normal earthly order of
the organism is broken, one begins to realise the possibility of another
world; and the more seriously ill one is, the closer becomes one's
contact with that other world, so that as soon as the man dies he steps
straight into that world. I thought of that long ago. If you believe in
a future life, you could believe in that, too."
"I don't believe in a future life," said
Raskolnikov.
Svidrigaïlov sat lost in thought.
"And what if there are only spiders there, or
something of that sort," he said suddenly.
"He is a madman," thought Raskolnikov.
"We always imagine eternity as something
beyond our conception, something vast, vast! But why must it be vast?
Instead of all that, what if it's one little room, like a bath house in
the country, black and grimy and spiders in every corner, and that's all
eternity is? I sometimes fancy it like that."
"Can it be you can imagine nothing juster and
more comforting than that?" Raskolnikov cried, with a feeling of
anguish.
"Juster? And how can we tell, perhaps that is
just, and do you know it's what I would certainly have made it,"
answered Svidrigaïlov, with a vague smile.
This horrible answer sent a cold chill through
Raskolnikov. Svidrigaïlov raised his head, looked at him, and suddenly
began laughing.
"Only think," he cried, "half an
hour ago we had never seen each other, we regarded each other as
enemies; there is a matter unsettled between us; we've thrown it aside,
and away we've gone into the abstract! Wasn't I right in saying that we
were birds of a feather?"
"Kindly allow me," Raskolnikov went on
irritably, "to ask you to explain why you have honoured me with
your visit... and... and I am in a hurry, I have no time to waste. I
want to go out."
"By all means, by all means. Your sister,
Avdotya Romanovna, is going to be married to Mr. Luzhin, Pyotr
Petrovitch?"
"Can you refrain from any question about my
sister and from mentioning her name? I can't understand how you dare
utter her name in my presence, if you really are Svidrigaïlov."
"Why, but I've come here to speak about her;
how can I avoid mentioning her?"
"Very good, speak, but make haste."
"I am sure that you must have formed your own
opinion of this Mr. Luzhin, who is a connection of mine through my wife,
if you have only seen him for half an hour, or heard any facts about
him. He is no match for Avdotya Romanovna. I believe Avdotya Romanovna
is sacrificing herself generously and imprudently for the sake of... for
the sake of her family. I fancied from all I had heard of you that you
would be very glad if the match could be broken off without the
sacrifice of worldly advantages. Now I know you personally, I am
convinced of it."
"All this is very naïve... excuse me, I
should have said impudent on your part," said Raskolnikov.
"You mean to say that I am seeking my own
ends. Don't be uneasy, Rodion Romanovitch, if I were working for my own
advantage, I would not have spoken out so directly. I am not quite a
fool. I will confess something psychologically curious about that: just
now, defending my love for Avdotya Romanovna, I said I was myself the
victim. Well, let me tell you that I've no feeling of love now, not the
slightest, so that I wonder myself indeed, for I really did feel
something..."
"Through idleness and depravity,"
Raskolnikov put in.
"I certainly am idle and depraved, but your
sister has such qualities that even I could not help being impressed by
them. But that's all nonsense, as I see myself now."
"Have you seen that long?"
"I began to be aware of it before, but was
only perfectly sure of it the day before yesterday, almost at the moment
I arrived in Petersburg. I still fancied in Moscow, though, that I was
coming to try to get Avdotya Romanovna's hand and to cut out Mr.
Luzhin."
"Excuse me for interrupting you; kindly be
brief, and come to the object of your visit. I am in a hurry, I want to
go out..."
"With the greatest pleasure. On arriving here
and determining on a certain... journey, I should like to make some
necessary preliminary arrangements. I left my children with an aunt;
they are well provided for; and they have no need of me personally. And
a nice father I should make, too! I have taken nothing but what Marfa
Petrovna gave me a year ago. That's enough for me. Excuse me, I am just
coming to the point. Before the journey which may come off, I want to
settle Mr. Luzhin, too. It's not that I detest him so much, but it was
through him I quarrelled with Marfa Petrovna when I learned that she had
dished up this marriage. I want now to see Avdotya Romanovna through
your mediation, and if you like in your presence, to explain to her that
in the first place she will never gain anything but harm from Mr.
Luzhin. Then, begging her pardon for all past unpleasantness, to make
her a present of ten thousand roubles and so assist the rupture with Mr.
Luzhin, a rupture to which I believe she is herself not disinclined, if
she could see the way to it."
"You are certainly mad," cried
Raskolnikov not so much angered as astonished. "How dare you talk
like that!"
"I knew you would scream at me; but in the
first place, though I am not rich, this ten thousand roubles is
perfectly free; I have absolutely no need for it. If Avdotya Romanovna
does not accept it, I shall waste it in some more foolish way. That's
the first thing. Secondly, my conscience is perfectly easy; I make the
offer with no ulterior motive. You may not believe it, but in the end
Avdotya Romanovna and you will know. The point is, that I did actually
cause your sister, whom I greatly respect, some trouble and
unpleasantness, and so, sincerely regretting it, I want—not to
compensate, not to repay her for the unpleasantness, but simply to do
something to her advantage, to show that I am not, after all, privileged
to do nothing but harm. If there were a millionth fraction of
self-interest in my offer, I should not have made it so openly; and I
should not have offered her ten thousand only, when five weeks ago I
offered her more, Besides, I may, perhaps, very soon marry a young lady,
and that alone ought to prevent suspicion of any design on Avdotya
Romanovna. In conclusion, let me say that in marrying Mr. Luzhin, she is
taking money just the same, only from another man. Don't be angry,
Rodion Romanovitch, think it over coolly and quietly."
Svidrigaïlov himself was exceedingly cool and
quiet as he was saying this.
"I beg you to say no more," said
Raskolnikov. "In any case this is unpardonable impertinence."
"Not in the least. Then a man may do nothing
but harm to his neighbour in this world, and is prevented from doing the
tiniest bit of good by trivial conventional formalities. That's absurd.
If I died, for instance, and left that sum to your sister in my will,
surely she wouldn't refuse it?"
"Very likely she would."
"Oh, no, indeed. However, if you refuse it,
so be it, though ten thousand roubles is a capital thing to have on
occasion. In any case I beg you to repeat what I have said to Avdotya
Romanovna."
"No, I won't."
"In that case, Rodion Romanovitch, I shall be
obliged to try and see her myself and worry her by doing so."
"And if I do tell her, will you not try to
see her?"
"I don't know really what to say. I should
like very much to see her once more."
"Don't hope for it."
"I'm sorry. But you don't know me. Perhaps we
may become better friends."
"You think we may become friends?"
"And why not?" Svidrigaïlov said,
smiling. He stood up and took his hat. "I didn't quite intend to
disturb you and I came here without reckoning on it... though I was very
much struck by your face this morning."
"Where did you see me this morning?"
Raskolnikov asked uneasily.
"I saw you by chance.... I kept fancying
there is something about you like me.... But don't be uneasy. I am not
intrusive; I used to get on all right with card-sharpers, and I never
bored Prince Svirbey, a great personage who is a distant relation of
mine, and I could write about Raphael's Madonna in Madam
Prilukov's album, and I never left Marfa Petrovna's side for seven
years, and I used to stay the night at Viazemsky's house in the Hay
Market in the old days, and I may go up in a balloon with Berg,
perhaps."
"Oh, all right. Are you starting soon on your
travels, may I ask?"
"What travels?"
"Why, on that 'journey'; you spoke of it
yourself."
"A journey? Oh, yes. I did speak of a
journey. Well, that's a wide subject.... if only you knew what you are
asking," he added, and gave a sudden, loud, short laugh.
"Perhaps I'll get married instead of the journey. They're making a
match for me."
"Here?"
"Yes."
"How have you had time for that?"
"But I am very anxious to see Avdotya
Romanovna once. I earnestly beg it. Well, good-bye for the present. Oh,
yes. I have forgotten something. Tell your sister, Rodion Romanovitch,
that Marfa Petrovna remembered her in her will and left her three
thousand roubles. That's absolutely certain. Marfa Petrovna arranged it
a week before her death, and it was done in my presence. Avdotya
Romanovna will be able to receive the money in two or three weeks."
"Are you telling the truth?"
"Yes, tell her. Well, your servant. I am
staying very near you."
As he went out, Svidrigaïlov ran up against
Razumihin in the doorway.
CHAPTER II
It was nearly eight o'clock. The two young men
hurried to Bakaleyev's, to arrive before Luzhin.
"Why, who was that?" asked Razumihin, as
soon as they were in the street.
"It was Svidrigaïlov, that landowner in
whose house my sister was insulted when she was their governess. Through
his persecuting her with his attentions, she was turned out by his wife,
Marfa Petrovna. This Marfa Petrovna begged Dounia's forgiveness
afterwards, and she's just died suddenly. It was of her we were talking
this morning. I don't know why I'm afraid of that man. He came here at
once after his wife's funeral. He is very strange, and is determined on
doing something.... We must guard Dounia from him... that's what I
wanted to tell you, do you hear?"
"Guard her! What can he do to harm Avdotya
Romanovna? Thank you, Rodya, for speaking to me like that.... We will,
we will guard her. Where does he live?"
"I don't know."
"Why didn't you ask? What a pity! I'll find
out, though."
"Did you see him?" asked Raskolnikov
after a pause.
"Yes, I noticed him, I noticed him
well."
"You did really see him? You saw him
clearly?" Raskolnikov insisted.
"Yes, I remember him perfectly, I should know
him in a thousand; I have a good memory for faces."
They were silent again.
"Hm!... that's all right," muttered
Raskolnikov. "Do you know, I fancied... I keep thinking that it may
have been an hallucination."
"What do you mean? I don't understand
you."
"Well, you all say," Raskolnikov went
on, twisting his mouth into a smile, "that I am mad. I thought just
now that perhaps I really am mad, and have only seen a phantom."
"What do you mean?"
"Why, who can tell? Perhaps I am really mad,
and perhaps everything that happened all these days may be only
imagination."
"Ach, Rodya, you have been upset again!...
But what did he say, what did he come for?"
Raskolnikov did not answer. Razumihin thought a
minute.
"Now let me tell you my story," he
began, "I came to you, you were asleep. Then we had dinner and then
I went to Porfiry's, Zametov was still with him. I tried to begin, but
it was no use. I couldn't speak in the right way. They don't seem to
understand and can't understand, but are not a bit ashamed. I drew
Porfiry to the window, and began talking to him, but it was still no
use. He looked away and I looked away. At last I shook my fist in his
ugly face, and told him as a cousin I'd brain him. He merely looked at
me, I cursed and came away. That was all. It was very stupid. To Zametov
I didn't say a word. But, you see, I thought I'd made a mess of it, but
as I went downstairs a brilliant idea struck me: why should we trouble?
Of course if you were in any danger or anything, but why need you care?
You needn't care a hang for them. We shall have a laugh at them
afterwards, and if I were in your place I'd mystify them more than ever.
How ashamed they'll be afterwards! Hang them! We can thrash them
afterwards, but let's laugh at them now!"
"To be sure," answered Raskolnikov.
"But what will you say to-morrow?" he thought to himself.
Strange to say, till that moment it had never occurred to him to wonder
what Razumihin would think when he knew. As he thought it, Raskolnikov
looked at him. Razumihin's account of his visit to Porfiry had very
little interest for him, so much had come and gone since then.
In the corridor they came upon Luzhin; he had
arrived punctually at eight, and was looking for the number, so that all
three went in together without greeting or looking at one another. The
young men walked in first, while Pyotr Petrovitch, for good manners,
lingered a little in the passage, taking off his coat. Pulcheria
Alexandrovna came forward at once to greet him in the doorway, Dounia
was welcoming her brother. Pyotr Petrovitch walked in and quite amiably,
though with redoubled dignity, bowed to the ladies. He looked, however,
as though he were a little put out and could not yet recover himself.
Pulcheria Alexandrovna, who seemed also a little embarrassed, hastened
to make them all sit down at the round table where a samovar was
boiling. Dounia and Luzhin were facing one another on opposite sides of
the table. Razumihin and Raskolnikov were facing Pulcheria Alexandrovna,
Razumihin was next to Luzhin and Raskolnikov was beside his sister.
A moment's silence followed. Pyotr Petrovitch
deliberately drew out a cambric handkerchief reeking of scent and blew
his nose with an air of a benevolent man who felt himself slighted, and
was firmly resolved to insist on an explanation. In the passage the idea
had occurred to him to keep on his overcoat and walk away, and so give
the two ladies a sharp and emphatic lesson and make them feel the
gravity of the position. But he could not bring himself to do this.
Besides, he could not endure uncertainty, and he wanted an explanation:
if his request had been so openly disobeyed, there was something behind
it, and in that case it was better to find it out beforehand; it rested
with him to punish them and there would always be time for that.
"I trust you had a favourable journey,"
he inquired officially of Pulcheria Alexandrovna.
"Oh, very, Pyotr Petrovitch."
"I am gratified to hear it. And Avdotya
Romanovna is not over-fatigued either?"
"I am young and strong, I don't get tired,
but it was a great strain for mother," answered Dounia.
"That's unavoidable! our national railways
are of terrible length. 'Mother Russia,' as they say, is a vast
country.... In spite of all my desire to do so, I was unable to meet you
yesterday. But I trust all passed off without inconvenience?"
"Oh, no, Pyotr Petrovitch, it was all
terribly disheartening," Pulcheria Alexandrovna hastened to declare
with peculiar intonation, "and if Dmitri Prokofitch had not been
sent us, I really believe by God Himself, we should have been utterly
lost. Here, he is! Dmitri Prokofitch Razumihin," she added,
introducing him to Luzhin.
"I had the pleasure... yesterday,"
muttered Pyotr Petrovitch with a hostile glance sidelong at Razumihin;
then he scowled and was silent.
Pyotr Petrovitch belonged to that class of
persons, on the surface very polite in society, who make a great point
of punctiliousness, but who, directly they are crossed in anything, are
completely disconcerted, and become more like sacks of flour than
elegant and lively men of society. Again all was silent; Raskolnikov was
obstinately mute, Avdotya Romanovna was unwilling to open the
conversation too soon. Razumihin had nothing to say, so Pulcheria
Alexandrovna was anxious again.
"Marfa Petrovna is dead, have you
heard?" she began having recourse to her leading item of
conversation.
"To be sure, I heard so. I was immediately
informed, and I have come to make you acquainted with the fact that
Arkady Ivanovitch Svidrigaïlov set off in haste for Petersburg
immediately after his wife's funeral. So at least I have excellent
authority for believing."
"To Petersburg? here?" Dounia asked in
alarm and looked at her mother.
"Yes, indeed, and doubtless not without some
design, having in view the rapidity of his departure, and all the
circumstances preceding it."
"Good heavens! won't he leave Dounia in peace
even here?" cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna.
"I imagine that neither you nor Avdotya
Romanovna have any grounds for uneasiness, unless, of course, you are
yourselves desirous of getting into communication with him. For my part
I am on my guard, and am now discovering where he is lodging."
"Oh, Pyotr Petrovitch, you would not believe
what a fright you have given me," Pulcheria Alexandrovna went on:
"I've only seen him twice, but I thought him terrible, terrible! I
am convinced that he was the cause of Marfa Petrovna's death."
"It's impossible to be certain about that. I
have precise information. I do not dispute that he may have contributed
to accelerate the course of events by the moral influence, so to say, of
the affront; but as to the general conduct and moral characteristics of
that personage, I am in agreement with you. I do not know whether he is
well off now, and precisely what Marfa Petrovna left him; this will be
known to me within a very short period; but no doubt here in Petersburg,
if he has any pecuniary resources, he will relapse at once into his old
ways. He is the most depraved, and abjectly vicious specimen of that
class of men. I have considerable reason to believe that Marfa Petrovna,
who was so unfortunate as to fall in love with him and to pay his debts
eight years ago, was of service to him also in another way. Solely by
her exertions and sacrifices, a criminal charge, involving an element of
fantastic and homicidal brutality for which he might well have been
sentenced to Siberia, was hushed up. That's the sort of man he is, if
you care to know."
"Good heavens!" cried Pulcheria
Alexandrovna. Raskolnikov listened attentively.
"Are you speaking the truth when you say that
you have good evidence of this?" Dounia asked sternly and
emphatically.
"I only repeat what I was told in secret by
Marfa Petrovna. I must observe that from the legal point of view the
case was far from clear. There was, and I believe still is, living here
a woman called Resslich, a foreigner, who lent small sums of money at
interest, and did other commissions, and with this woman Svidrigaïlov
had for a long while close and mysterious relations. She had a relation,
a niece I believe, living with her, a deaf and dumb girl of fifteen, or
perhaps not more than fourteen. Resslich hated this girl, and grudged
her every crust; she used to beat her mercilessly. One day the girl was
found hanging in the garret. At the inquest the verdict was suicide.
After the usual proceedings the matter ended, but, later on, information
was given that the child had been... cruelly outraged by Svidrigaïlov.
It is true, this was not clearly established, the information was given
by another German woman of loose character whose word could not be
trusted; no statement was actually made to the police, thanks to Marfa
Petrovna's money and exertions; it did not get beyond gossip. And yet
the story is a very significant one. You heard, no doubt, Avdotya
Romanovna, when you were with them the story of the servant Philip who
died of ill treatment he received six years ago, before the abolition of
serfdom."
"I heard, on the contrary, that this Philip
hanged himself."
"Quite so, but what drove him, or rather
perhaps disposed him, to suicide was the systematic persecution and
severity of Mr. Svidrigaïlov."
"I don't know that," answered Dounia,
dryly. "I only heard a queer story that Philip was a sort of
hypochondriac, a sort of domestic philosopher, the servants used to say,
'he read himself silly,' and that he hanged himself partly on account of
Mr. Svidrigaïlov's mockery of him and not his blows. When I was there
he behaved well to the servants, and they were actually fond of him,
though they certainly did blame him for Philip's death."
"I perceive, Avdotya Romanovna, that you seem
disposed to undertake his defence all of a sudden," Luzhin
observed, twisting his lips into an ambiguous smile, "there's no
doubt that he is an astute man, and insinuating where ladies are
concerned, of which Marfa Petrovna, who has died so strangely, is a
terrible instance. My only desire has been to be of service to you and
your mother with my advice, in view of the renewed efforts which may
certainly be anticipated from him. For my part it's my firm conviction,
that he will end in a debtor's prison again. Marfa Petrovna had not the
slightest intention of settling anything substantial on him, having
regard for his children's interests, and, if she left him anything, it
would only be the merest sufficiency, something insignificant and
ephemeral, which would not last a year for a man of his habits."
"Pyotr Petrovitch, I beg you," said
Dounia, "say no more of Mr. Svidrigaïlov. It makes me
miserable."
"He has just been to see me," said
Raskolnikov, breaking his silence for the first time.
There were exclamations from all, and they all
turned to him. Even Pyotr Petrovitch was roused.
"An hour and a half ago, he came in when I
was asleep, waked me, and introduced himself," Raskolnikov
continued. "He was fairly cheerful and at ease, and quite hopes
that we shall become friends. He is particularly anxious, by the way,
Dounia, for an interview with you, at which he asked me to assist. He
has a proposition to make to you, and he told me about it. He told me,
too, that a week before her death Marfa Petrovna left you three thousand
roubles in her will, Dounia, and that you can receive the money very
shortly."
"Thank God!" cried Pulcheria
Alexandrovna, crossing herself. "Pray for her soul, Dounia!"
"It's a fact!" broke from Luzhin.
"Tell us, what more?" Dounia urged
Raskolnikov.
"Then he said that he wasn't rich and all the
estate was left to his children who are now with an aunt, then that he
was staying somewhere not far from me, but where, I don't know, I didn't
ask...."
"But what, what does he want to propose to
Dounia?" cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna in a fright. "Did he
tell you?"
"Yes."
"What was it?"
"I'll tell you afterwards."
Raskolnikov ceased speaking and turned his
attention to his tea.
Pyotr Petrovitch looked at his watch.
"I am compelled to keep a business
engagement, and so I shall not be in your way," he added with an
air of some pique and he began getting up.
"Don't go, Pyotr Petrovitch," said
Dounia, "you intended to spend the evening. Besides, you wrote
yourself that you wanted to have an explanation with mother."
"Precisely so, Avdotya Romanovna," Pyotr
Petrovitch answered impressively, sitting down again, but still holding
his hat. "I certainly desired an explanation with you and your
honoured mother upon a very important point indeed. But as your brother
cannot speak openly in my presence of some proposals of Mr. Svidrigaïlov,
I, too, do not desire and am not able to speak openly... in the presence
of others... of certain matters of the greatest gravity. Moreover, my
most weighty and urgent request has been disregarded...."
Assuming an aggrieved air, Luzhin relapsed into
dignified silence.
"Your request that my brother should not be
present at our meeting was disregarded solely at my instance," said
Dounia. "You wrote that you had been insulted by my brother; I
think that this must be explained at once, and you must be reconciled.
And if Rodya really has insulted you, then he should and will
apologise."
Pyotr Petrovitch took a stronger line.
"There are insults, Avdotya Romanovna, which
no goodwill can make us forget. There is a line in everything which it
is dangerous to overstep; and when it has been overstepped, there is no
return."
"That wasn't what I was speaking of exactly,
Pyotr Petrovitch," Dounia interrupted with some impatience.
"Please understand that our whole future depends now on whether all
this is explained and set right as soon as possible. I tell you frankly
at the start that I cannot look at it in any other light, and if you
have the least regard for me, all this business must be ended to-day,
however hard that may be. I repeat that if my brother is to blame he
will ask your forgiveness."
"I am surprised at your putting the question
like that," said Luzhin, getting more and more irritated.
"Esteeming, and so to say, adoring you, I may at the same time,
very well indeed, be able to dislike some member of your family. Though
I lay claim to the happiness of your hand, I cannot accept duties
incompatible with..."
"Ah, don't be so ready to take offence, Pyotr
Petrovitch," Dounia interrupted with feeling, "and be the
sensible and generous man I have always considered, and wish to
consider, you to be. I've given you a great promise, I am your
betrothed. Trust me in this matter and, believe me, I shall be capable
of judging impartially. My assuming the part of judge is as much a
surprise for my brother as for you. When I insisted on his coming to our
interview to-day after your letter, I told him nothing of what I meant
to do. Understand that, if you are not reconciled, I must choose between
you—it must be either you or he. That is how the question rests on
your side and on his. I don't want to be mistaken in my choice, and I
must not be. For your sake I must break off with my brother, for my
brother's sake I must break off with you. I can find out for certain now
whether he is a brother to me, and I want to know it; and of you,
whether I am dear to you, whether you esteem me, whether you are the
husband for me."
"Avdotya Romanovna," Luzhin declared
huffily, "your words are of too much consequence to me; I will say
more, they are offensive in view of the position I have the honour to
occupy in relation to you. To say nothing of your strange and offensive
setting me on a level with an impertinent boy, you admit the possibility
of breaking your promise to me. You say 'you or he,' showing thereby of
how little consequence I am in your eyes... I cannot let this pass
considering the relationship and... the obligations existing between
us."
"What!" cried Dounia, flushing. "I
set your interest beside all that has hitherto been most precious in my
life, what has made up the whole of my life, and here you are
offended at my making too little account of you."
Raskolnikov smiled sarcastically, Razumihin
fidgeted, but Pyotr Petrovitch did not accept the reproof; on the
contrary, at every word he became more persistent and irritable, as
though he relished it.
"Love for the future partner of your life,
for your husband, ought to outweigh your love for your brother," he
pronounced sententiously, "and in any case I cannot be put on the
same level.... Although I said so emphatically that I would not speak
openly in your brother's presence, nevertheless, I intend now to ask
your honoured mother for a necessary explanation on a point of great
importance closely affecting my dignity. Your son," he turned to
Pulcheria Alexandrovna, "yesterday in the presence of Mr. Razsudkin
(or... I think that's it? excuse me I have forgotten your surname,"
he bowed politely to Razumihin) "insulted me by misrepresenting the
idea I expressed to you in a private conversation, drinking coffee, that
is, that marriage with a poor girl who has had experience of trouble is
more advantageous from the conjugal point of view than with one who has
lived in luxury, since it is more profitable for the moral character.
Your son intentionally exaggerated the significance of my words and made
them ridiculous, accusing me of malicious intentions, and, as far as I
could see, relied upon your correspondence with him. I shall consider
myself happy, Pulcheria Alexandrovna, if it is possible for you to
convince me of an opposite conclusion, and thereby considerately
reassure me. Kindly let me know in what terms precisely you repeated my
words in your letter to Rodion Romanovitch."
"I don't remember," faltered Pulcheria
Alexandrovna. "I repeated them as I understood them. I don't know
how Rodya repeated them to you, perhaps he exaggerated."
"He could not have exaggerated them, except
at your instigation."
"Pyotr Petrovitch," Pulcheria
Alexandrovna declared with dignity, "the proof that Dounia and I
did not take your words in a very bad sense is the fact that we are
here."
"Good, mother," said Dounia approvingly.
"Then this is my fault again," said
Luzhin, aggrieved.
"Well, Pyotr Petrovitch, you keep blaming
Rodion, but you yourself have just written what was false about
him," Pulcheria Alexandrovna added, gaining courage.
"I don't remember writing anything
false."
"You wrote," Raskolnikov said sharply,
not turning to Luzhin, "that I gave money yesterday not to the
widow of the man who was killed, as was the fact, but to his daughter
(whom I had never seen till yesterday). You wrote this to make
dissension between me and my family, and for that object added coarse
expressions about the conduct of a girl whom you don't know. All that is
mean slander."
"Excuse me, sir," said Luzhin, quivering
with fury. "I enlarged upon your qualities and conduct in my letter
solely in response to your sister's and mother's inquiries, how I found
you, and what impression you made on me. As for what you've alluded to
in my letter, be so good as to point out one word of falsehood, show,
that is, that you didn't throw away your money, and that there are not
worthless persons in that family, however unfortunate."
"To my thinking, you, with all your virtues,
are not worth the little finger of that unfortunate girl at whom you
throw stones."
"Would you go so far then as to let her
associate with your mother and sister?"
"I have done so already, if you care to know.
I made her sit down to-day with mother and Dounia."
"Rodya!" cried Pulcheria Alexandrovna.
Dounia crimsoned, Razumihin knitted his brows. Luzhin smiled with lofty
sarcasm.
"You may see for yourself, Avdotya
Romanovna," he said, "whether it is possible for us to agree.
I hope now that this question is at an end, once and for all. I will
withdraw, that I may not hinder the pleasures of family intimacy, and
the discussion of secrets." He got up from his chair and took his
hat. "But in withdrawing, I venture to request that for the future
I may be spared similar meetings, and, so to say, compromises. I appeal
particularly to you, honoured Pulcheria Alexandrovna, on this subject,
the more as my letter was addressed to you and to no one else."
Pulcheria Alexandrovna was a little offended.
"You seem to think we are completely under
your authority, Pyotr Petrovitch. Dounia has told you the reason your
desire was disregarded, she had the best intentions. And indeed you
write as though you were laying commands upon me. Are we to consider
every desire of yours as a command? Let me tell you on the contrary that
you ought to show particular delicacy and consideration for us now,
because we have thrown up everything, and have come here relying on you,
and so we are in any case in a sense in your hands."
"That is not quite true, Pulcheria
Alexandrovna, especially at the present moment, when the news has come
of Marfa Petrovna's legacy, which seems indeed very apropos, judging
from the new tone you take to me," he added sarcastically.
"Judging from that remark, we may certainly
presume that you were reckoning on our helplessness," Dounia
observed irritably.
"But now in any case I cannot reckon on it,
and I particularly desire not to hinder your discussion of the secret
proposals of Arkady Ivanovitch Svidrigaïlov, which he has entrusted to
your brother and which have, I perceive, a great and possibly a very
agreeable interest for you."
"Good heavens!" cried Pulcheria
Alexandrovna.
Razumihin could not sit still on his chair.
"Aren't you ashamed now, sister?" asked
Raskolnikov.
"I am ashamed, Rodya," said Dounia.
"Pyotr Petrovitch, go away," she turned to him, white with
anger.
Pyotr Petrovitch had apparently not at all
expected such a conclusion. He had too much confidence in himself, in
his power and in the helplessness of his victims. He could not believe
it even now. He turned pale, and his lips quivered.
"Avdotya Romanovna, if I go out of this door
now, after such a dismissal, then, you may reckon on it, I will never
come back. Consider what you are doing. My word is not to be
shaken."
"What insolence!" cried Dounia,
springing up from her seat. "I don't want you to come back
again."
"What! So that's how it stands!" cried
Luzhin, utterly unable to the last moment to believe in the rupture and
so completely thrown out of his reckoning now. "So that's how it
stands! But do you know, Avdotya Romanovna, that I might protest?"
"What right have you to speak to her like
that?" Pulcheria Alexandrovna intervened hotly. "And what can
you protest about? What rights have you? Am I to give my Dounia to a man
like you? Go away, leave us altogether! We are to blame for having
agreed to a wrong action, and I above all...."
"But you have bound me, Pulcheria
Alexandrovna," Luzhin stormed in a frenzy, "by your promise,
and now you deny it and... besides... I have been led on account of that
into expenses...."
This last complaint was so characteristic of Pyotr
Petrovitch, that Raskolnikov, pale with anger and with the effort of
restraining it, could not help breaking into laughter. But Pulcheria
Alexandrovna was furious.
"Expenses? What expenses? Are you speaking of
our trunk? But the conductor brought it for nothing for you. Mercy on
us, we have bound you! What are you thinking about, Pyotr Petrovitch, it
was you bound us, hand and foot, not we!"
"Enough, mother, no more please,"
Avdotya Romanovna implored. "Pyotr Petrovitch, do be kind and
go!"
"I am going, but one last word," he
said, quite unable to control himself. "Your mamma seems to have
entirely forgotten that I made up my mind to take you, so to speak,
after the gossip of the town had spread all over the district in regard
to your reputation. Disregarding public opinion for your sake and
reinstating your reputation, I certainly might very well reckon on a
fitting return, and might indeed look for gratitude on your part. And my
eyes have only now been opened! I see myself that I may have acted very,
very recklessly in disregarding the universal verdict...."
"Does the fellow want his head smashed?"
cried Razumihin, jumping up.
"You are a mean and spiteful man!" cried
Dounia.
"Not a word! Not a movement!" cried
Raskolnikov, holding Razumihin back; then going close up to Luzhin,
"Kindly leave the room!" he said quietly and distinctly,
"and not a word more or..."
Pyotr Petrovitch gazed at him for some seconds
with a pale face that worked with anger, then he turned, went out, and
rarely has any man carried away in his heart such vindictive hatred as
he felt against Raskolnikov. Him, and him alone, he blamed for
everything. It is noteworthy that as he went downstairs he still
imagined that his case was perhaps not utterly lost, and that, so far as
the ladies were concerned, all might "very well indeed" be set
right again.
CHAPTER III
The fact was that up to the last moment he had
never expected such an ending; he had been overbearing to the last
degree, never dreaming that two destitute and defenceless women could
escape from his control. This conviction was strengthened by his vanity
and conceit, a conceit to the point of fatuity. Pyotr Petrovitch, who
had made his way up from insignificance, was morbidly given to
self-admiration, had the highest opinion of his intelligence and
capacities, and sometimes even gloated in solitude over his image in the
glass. But what he loved and valued above all was the money he had
amassed by his labour, and by all sorts of devices: that money made him
the equal of all who had been his superiors.
When he had bitterly reminded Dounia that he had
decided to take her in spite of evil report, Pyotr Petrovitch had spoken
with perfect sincerity and had, indeed, felt genuinely indignant at such
"black ingratitude." And yet, when he made Dounia his offer,
he was fully aware of the groundlessness of all the gossip. The story
had been everywhere contradicted by Marfa Petrovna, and was by then
disbelieved by all the townspeople, who were warm in Dounia'a defence.
And he would not have denied that he knew all that at the time. Yet he
still thought highly of his own resolution in lifting Dounia to his
level and regarded it as something heroic. In speaking of it to Dounia,
he had let out the secret feeling he cherished and admired, and he could
not understand that others should fail to admire it too. He had called
on Raskolnikov with the feelings of a benefactor who is about to reap
the fruits of his good deeds and to hear agreeable flattery. And as he
went downstairs now, he considered himself most undeservedly injured and
unrecognised.
Dounia was simply essential to him; to do without
her was unthinkable. For many years he had had voluptuous dreams of
marriage, but he had gone on waiting and amassing money. He brooded with
relish, in profound secret, over the image of a girl—virtuous, poor
(she must be poor), very young, very pretty, of good birth and
education, very timid, one who had suffered much, and was completely
humbled before him, one who would all her life look on him as her
saviour, worship him, admire him and only him. How many scenes, how many
amorous episodes he had imagined on this seductive and playful theme,
when his work was over! And, behold, the dream of so many years was all
but realised; the beauty and education of Avdotya Romanovna had
impressed him; her helpless position had been a great allurement; in her
he had found even more than he dreamed of. Here was a girl of pride,
character, virtue, of education and breeding superior to his own (he
felt that), and this creature would be slavishly grateful all her life
for his heroic condescension, and would humble herself in the dust
before him, and he would have absolute, unbounded power over her!... Not
long before, he had, too, after long reflection and hesitation, made an
important change in his career and was now entering on a wider circle of
business. With this change his cherished dreams of rising into a higher
class of society seemed likely to be realised.... He was, in fact,
determined to try his fortune in Petersburg. He knew that women could do
a very great deal. The fascination of a charming, virtuous, highly
educated woman might make his way easier, might do wonders in attracting
people to him, throwing an aureole round him, and now everything was in
ruins! This sudden horrible rupture affected him like a clap of thunder;
it was like a hideous joke, an absurdity. He had only been a tiny bit
masterful, had not even time to speak out, had simply made a joke, been
carried away—and it had ended so seriously. And, of course, too, he
did love Dounia in his own way; he already possessed her in his
dreams—and all at once! No! The next day, the very next day, it must
all be set right, smoothed over, settled. Above all he must crush that
conceited milksop who was the cause of it all. With a sick feeling he
could not help recalling Razumihin too, but, he soon reassured himself
on that score; as though a fellow like that could be put on a level with
him! The man he really dreaded in earnest was Svidrigaïlov.... He had,
in short, a great deal to attend to....
"No, I, I am more to blame than anyone!"
said Dounia, kissing and embracing her mother. "I was tempted by
his money, but on my honour, brother, I had no idea he was such a base
man. If I had seen through him before, nothing would have tempted me!
Don't blame me, brother!"
"God has delivered us! God has delivered
us!" Pulcheria Alexandrovna muttered, but half consciously, as
though scarcely able to realise what had happened.
They were all relieved, and in five minutes they
were laughing. Only now and then Dounia turned white and frowned,
remembering what had passed. Pulcheria Alexandrovna was surprised to
find that she, too, was glad: she had only that morning thought rupture
with Luzhin a terrible misfortune. Razumihin was delighted. He did not
yet dare to express his joy fully, but he was in a fever of excitement
as though a ton-weight had fallen off his heart. Now he had the right to
devote his life to them, to serve them.... Anything might happen now!
But he felt afraid to think of further possibilities and dared not let
his imagination range. But Raskolnikov sat still in the same place,
almost sullen and indifferent. Though he had been the most insistent on
getting rid of Luzhin, he seemed now the least concerned at what had
happened. Dounia could not help thinking that he was still angry with
her, and Pulcheria Alexandrovna watched him timidly.
"What did Svidrigaïlov say to you?"
said Dounia, approaching him.
"Yes, yes!" cried Pulcheria
Alexandrovna.
Raskolnikov raised his head.
"He wants to make you a present of ten
thousand roubles and he desires to see you once in my presence."
"See her! On no account!" cried
Pulcheria Alexandrovna. "And how dare he offer her money!"
Then Raskolnikov repeated (rather dryly) his
conversation with Svidrigaïlov, omitting his account of the ghostly
visitations of Marfa Petrovna, wishing to avoid all unnecessary talk.
"What answer did you give him?" asked
Dounia.
"At first I said I would not take any message
to you. Then he said that he would do his utmost to obtain an interview
with you without my help. He assured me that his passion for you was a
passing infatuation, now he has no feeling for you. He doesn't want you
to marry Luzhin.... His talk was altogether rather muddled."
"How do you explain him to yourself, Rodya?
How did he strike you?"
"I must confess I don't quite understand him.
He offers you ten thousand, and yet says he is not well off. He says he
is going away, and in ten minutes he forgets he has said it. Then he
says is he going to be married and has already fixed on the girl.... No
doubt he has a motive, and probably a bad one. But it's odd that he
should be so clumsy about it if he had any designs against you.... Of
course, I refused this money on your account, once for all. Altogether,
I thought him very strange.... One might almost think he was mad. But I
may be mistaken; that may only be the part he assumes. The death of
Marfa Petrovna seems to have made a great impression on him."
"God rest her soul," exclaimed Pulcheria
Alexandrovna. "I shall always, always pray for her! Where should we
be now, Dounia, without this three thousand! It's as though it had
fallen from heaven! Why, Rodya, this morning we had only three roubles
in our pocket and Dounia and I were just planning to pawn her watch, so
as to avoid borrowing from that man until he offered help."
Dounia seemed strangely impressed by Svidrigaïlov's
offer. She still stood meditating.
"He has got some terrible plan," she
said in a half whisper to herself, almost shuddering.
Raskolnikov noticed this disproportionate terror.
"I fancy I shall have to see him more than
once again," he said to Dounia.
"We will watch him! I will track him
out!" cried Razumihin, vigorously. "I won't lose sight of him.
Rodya has given me leave. He said to me himself just now. 'Take care of
my sister.' Will you give me leave, too, Avdotya Romanovna?"
Dounia smiled and held out her hand, but the look
of anxiety did not leave her face. Pulcheria Alexandrovna gazed at her
timidly, but the three thousand roubles had obviously a soothing effect
on her.
A quarter of an hour later, they were all engaged
in a lively conversation. Even Raskolnikov listened attentively for some
time, though he did not talk. Razumihin was the speaker.
"And why, why should you go away?" he
flowed on ecstatically. "And what are you to do in a little town?
The great thing is, you are all here together and you need one
another—you do need one another, believe me. For a time, anyway....
Take me into partnership, and I assure you we'll plan a capital
enterprise. Listen! I'll explain it all in detail to you, the whole
project! It all flashed into my head this morning, before anything had
happened... I tell you what; I have an uncle, I must introduce him to
you (a most accommodating and respectable old man). This uncle has got a
capital of a thousand roubles, and he lives on his pension and has no
need of that money. For the last two years he has been bothering me to
borrow it from him and pay him six per cent. interest. I know what that
means; he simply wants to help me. Last year I had no need of it, but
this year I resolved to borrow it as soon as he arrived. Then you lend
me another thousand of your three and we have enough for a start, so
we'll go into partnership, and what are we going to do?"
Then Razumihin began to unfold his project, and he
explained at length that almost all our publishers and booksellers know
nothing at all of what they are selling, and for that reason they are
usually bad publishers, and that any decent publications pay as a rule
and give a profit, sometimes a considerable one. Razumihin had, indeed,
been dreaming of setting up as a publisher. For the last two years he
had been working in publishers' offices, and knew three European
languages well, though he had told Raskolnikov six days before that he
was "schwach" in German with an object of persuading him to
take half his translation and half the payment for it. He had told a lie
then, and Raskolnikov knew he was lying.
"Why, why should we let our chance slip when
we have one of the chief means of success—money of our own!"
cried Razumihin warmly. "Of course there will be a lot of work, but
we will work, you, Avdotya Romanovna, I, Rodion.... You get a splendid
profit on some books nowadays! And the great point of the business is
that we shall know just what wants translating, and we shall be
translating, publishing, learning all at once. I can be of use because I
have experience. For nearly two years I've been scuttling about among
the publishers, and now I know every detail of their business. You need
not be a saint to make pots, believe me! And why, why should we let our
chance slip! Why, I know—and I kept the secret—two or three books
which one might get a hundred roubles simply for thinking of translating
and publishing. Indeed, and I would not take five hundred for the very
idea of one of them. And what do you think? If I were to tell a
publisher, I dare say he'd hesitate—they are such blockheads! And as
for the business side, printing, paper, selling, you trust to me, I know
my way about. We'll begin in a small way and go on to a large. In any
case it will get us our living and we shall get back our capital."
Dounia's eyes shone.
"I like what you are saying, Dmitri
Prokofitch!" she said.
"I know nothing about it, of course,"
put in Pulcheria Alexandrovna, "it may be a good idea, but again
God knows. It's new and untried. Of course, we must remain here at least
for a time." She looked at Rodya.
"What do you think, brother?" said
Dounia.
"I think he's got a very good idea," he
answered. "Of course, it's too soon to dream of a publishing firm,
but we certainly might bring out five or six books and be sure of
success. I know of one book myself which would be sure to go well. And
as for his being able to manage it, there's no doubt about that either.
He knows the business.... But we can talk it over later...."
"Hurrah!" cried Razumihin. "Now,
stay, there's a flat here in this house, belonging to the same owner.
It's a special flat apart, not communicating with these lodgings. It's
furnished, rent moderate, three rooms. Suppose you take them to begin
with. I'll pawn your watch to-morrow and bring you the money, and
everything can be arranged then. You can all three live together, and
Rodya will be with you. But where are you off to, Rodya?"
"What, Rodya, you are going already?"
Pulcheria Alexandrovna asked in dismay.
"At such a minute?" cried Razumihin.
Dounia looked at her brother with incredulous
wonder. He held his cap in his hand, he was preparing to leave them.
"One would think you were burying me or
saying good-bye for ever," he said somewhat oddly. He attempted to
smile, but it did not turn out a smile. "But who knows, perhaps it
is the last time we shall see each other..." he let slip
accidentally. It was what he was thinking, and it somehow was uttered
aloud.
"What is the matter with you?" cried his
mother.
"Where are you going, Rodya?" asked
Dounia rather strangely.
"Oh, I'm quite obliged to..." he
answered vaguely, as though hesitating what he would say. But there was
a look of sharp determination in his white face.
"I meant to say... as I was coming here... I
meant to tell you, mother, and you, Dounia, that it would be better for
us to part for a time. I feel ill, I am not at peace.... I will come
afterwards, I will come of myself... when it's possible. I remember you
and love you.... Leave me, leave me alone. I decided this even before...
I'm absolutely resolved on it. Whatever may come to me, whether I come
to ruin or not, I want to be alone. Forget me altogether, it's better.
Don't inquire about me. When I can, I'll come of myself or... I'll send
for you. Perhaps it will all come back, but now if you love me, give me
up... else I shall begin to hate you, I feel it.... Good-bye!"
"Good God!" cried Pulcheria
Alexandrovna. Both his mother and his sister were terribly alarmed.
Razumihin was also.
"Rodya, Rodya, be reconciled with us! Let us
be as before!" cried his poor mother.
He turned slowly to the door and slowly went out
of the room. Dounia overtook him.
"Brother, what are you doing to mother?"
she whispered, her eyes flashing with indignation.
He looked dully at her.
"No matter, I shall come.... I'm
coming," he muttered in an undertone, as though not fully conscious
of what he was saying, and he went out of the room.
"Wicked, heartless egoist!" cried
Dounia.
"He is insane, but not heartless. He is mad!
Don't you see it? You're heartless after that!" Razumihin whispered
in her ear, squeezing her hand tightly. "I shall be back
directly," he shouted to the horror-stricken mother, and he ran out
of the room.
Raskolnikov was waiting for him at the end of the
passage.
"I knew you would run after me," he
said. "Go back to them—be with them... be with them to-morrow and
always.... I... perhaps I shall come... if I can. Good-bye."
And without holding out his hand he walked away.
"But where are you going? What are you doing?
What's the matter with you? How can you go on like this?" Razumihin
muttered, at his wits' end.
Raskolnikov stopped once more.
"Once for all, never ask me about anything. I
have nothing to tell you. Don't come to see me. Maybe I'll come here....
Leave me, but don't leave them. Do you understand me?"
It was dark in the corridor, they were standing
near the lamp. For a minute they were looking at one another in silence.
Razumihin remembered that minute all his life. Raskolnikov's burning and
intent eyes grew more penetrating every moment, piercing into his soul,
into his consciousness. Suddenly Razumihin started. Something strange,
as it were, passed between them.... Some idea, some hint, as it were,
slipped, something awful, hideous, and suddenly understood on both
sides.... Razumihin turned pale.
"Do you understand now?" said
Raskolnikov, his face twitching nervously. "Go back, go to
them," he said suddenly, and turning quickly, he went out of the
house.
I will not attempt to describe how Razumihin went
back to the ladies, how he soothed them, how he protested that Rodya
needed rest in his illness, protested that Rodya was sure to come, that
he would come every day, that he was very, very much upset, that he must
not be irritated, that he, Razumihin, would watch over him, would get
him a doctor, the best doctor, a consultation.... In fact from that
evening Razumihin took his place with them as a son and a brother.
CHAPTER IV
Raskolnikov went straight to the house on the
canal bank where Sonia lived. It was an old green house of three
storeys. He found the porter and obtained from him vague directions as
to the whereabouts of Kapernaumov, the tailor. Having found in the
corner of the courtyard the entrance to the dark and narrow staircase,
he mounted to the second floor and came out into a gallery that ran
round the whole second storey over the yard. While he was wandering in
the darkness, uncertain where to turn for Kapernaumov's door, a door
opened three paces from him; he mechanically took hold of it.
"Who is there?" a woman's voice asked
uneasily.
"It's I... come to see you," answered
Raskolnikov and he walked into the tiny entry.
On a broken chair stood a candle in a battered
copper candlestick.
"It's you! Good heavens!" cried Sonia
weakly, and she stood rooted to the spot.
"Which is your room? This way?" and
Raskolnikov, trying not to look at her, hastened in.
A minute later Sonia, too, came in with the
candle, set down the candlestick and, completely disconcerted, stood
before him inexpressibly agitated and apparently frightened by his
unexpected visit. The colour rushed suddenly to her pale face and tears
came into her eyes... She felt sick and ashamed and happy, too....
Raskolnikov turned away quickly and sat on a chair by the table. He
scanned the room in a rapid glance.
It was a large but exceedingly low-pitched room,
the only one let by the Kapernaumovs, to whose rooms a closed door led
in the wall on the left. In the opposite side on the right hand wall was
another door, always kept locked. That led to the next flat, which
formed a separate lodging. Sonia's room looked like a barn; it was a
very irregular quadrangle and this gave it a grotesque appearance. A
wall with three windows looking out on to the canal ran aslant so that
one corner formed a very acute angle, and it was difficult to see in it
without very strong light. The other corner was disproportionately
obtuse. There was scarcely any furniture in the big room: in the corner
on the right was a bedstead, beside it, nearest the door, a chair. A
plain, deal table covered by a blue cloth stood against the same wall,
close to the door into the other flat. Two rush-bottom chairs stood by
the table. On the opposite wall near the acute angle stood a small plain
wooden chest of drawers looking, as it were, lost in a desert. That was
all there was in the room. The yellow, scratched and shabby wall-paper
was black in the corners. It must have been damp and full of fumes in
the winter. There was every sign of poverty; even the bedstead had no
curtain.
Sonia looked in silence at her visitor, who was so
attentively and unceremoniously scrutinising her room, and even began at
last to tremble with terror, as though she was standing before her judge
and the arbiter of her destinies.
"I am late.... It's eleven, isn't it?"
he asked, still not lifting his eyes.
"Yes," muttered Sonia, "oh yes, it
is," she added, hastily, as though in that lay her means of escape.
"My landlady's clock has just struck... I heard it myself...."
"I've come to you for the last time,"
Raskolnikov went on gloomily, although this was the first time. "I
may perhaps not see you again..."
"Are you... going away?"
"I don't know... to-morrow...."
"Then you are not coming to Katerina Ivanovna
to-morrow?" Sonia's voice shook.
"I don't know. I shall know to-morrow
morning.... Never mind that: I've come to say one word...."
He raised his brooding eyes to her and suddenly
noticed that he was sitting down while she was all the while standing
before him.
"Why are you standing? Sit down," he
said in a changed voice, gentle and friendly.
She sat down. He looked kindly and almost
compassionately at her.
"How thin you are! What a hand! Quite
transparent, like a dead hand."
He took her hand. Sonia smiled faintly.
"I have always been like that," she
said.
"Even when you lived at home?"
"Yes."
"Of course, you were," he added abruptly
and the expression of his face and the sound of his voice changed again
suddenly.
He looked round him once more.
"You rent this room from the
Kapernaumovs?"
"Yes...."
"They live there, through that door?"
"Yes.... They have another room like
this."
"All in one room?"
"Yes."
"I should be afraid in your room at
night," he observed gloomily.
"They are very good people, very kind,"
answered Sonia, who still seemed bewildered, "and all the
furniture, everything... everything is theirs. And they are very kind
and the children, too, often come to see me."
"They all stammer, don't they?"
"Yes.... He stammers and he's lame. And his
wife, too.... It's not exactly that she stammers, but she can't speak
plainly. She is a very kind woman. And he used to be a house serf. And
there are seven children... and it's only the eldest one that stammers
and the others are simply ill... but they don't stammer.... But where
did you hear about them?" she added with some surprise.
"Your father told me, then. He told me all
about you.... And how you went out at six o'clock and came back at nine
and how Katerina Ivanovna knelt down by your bed."
Sonia was confused.
"I fancied I saw him to-day," she
whispered hesitatingly.
"Whom?"
"Father. I was walking in the street, out
there at the corner, about ten o'clock and he seemed to be walking in
front. It looked just like him. I wanted to go to Katerina
Ivanovna...."
"You were walking in the streets?"
"Yes," Sonia whispered abruptly, again
overcome with confusion and looking down.
"Katerina Ivanovna used to beat you, I dare
say?"
"Oh no, what are you saying? No!" Sonia
looked at him almost with dismay.
"You love her, then?"
"Love her? Of course!" said Sonia with
plaintive emphasis, and she clasped her hands in distress. "Ah, you
don't.... If you only knew! You see, she is quite like a child.... Her
mind is quite unhinged, you see... from sorrow. And how clever she used
to be... how generous... how kind! Ah, you don't understand, you don't
understand!"
Sonia said this as though in despair, wringing her
hands in excitement and distress. Her pale cheeks flushed, there was a
look of anguish in her eyes. It was clear that she was stirred to the
very depths, that she was longing to speak, to champion, to express
something. A sort of insatiable compassion, if one may so express
it, was reflected in every feature of her face.
"Beat me! how can you? Good heavens, beat me!
And if she did beat me, what then? What of it? You know nothing, nothing
about it.... She is so unhappy... ah, how unhappy! And ill.... She is
seeking righteousness, she is pure. She has such faith that there must
be righteousness everywhere and she expects it.... And if you were to
torture her, she wouldn't do wrong. She doesn't see that it's impossible
for people to be righteous and she is angry at it. Like a child, like a
child. She is good!"
"And what will happen to you?"
Sonia looked at him inquiringly.
"They are left on your hands, you see. They
were all on your hands before, though.... And your father came to you to
beg for drink. Well, how will it be now?"
"I don't know," Sonia articulated
mournfully.
"Will they stay there?"
"I don't know.... They are in debt for the
lodging, but the landlady, I hear, said to-day that she wanted to get
rid of them, and Katerina Ivanovna says that she won't stay another
minute."
"How is it she is so bold? She relies upon
you?"
"Oh, no, don't talk like that.... We are one,
we live like one." Sonia was agitated again and even angry, as
though a canary or some other little bird were to be angry. "And
what could she do? What, what could she do?" she persisted, getting
hot and excited. "And how she cried to-day! Her mind is unhinged,
haven't you noticed it? At one minute she is worrying like a child that
everything should be right to-morrow, the lunch and all that.... Then
she is wringing her hands, spitting blood, weeping, and all at once she
will begin knocking her head against the wall, in despair. Then she will
be comforted again. She builds all her hopes on you; she says that you
will help her now and that she will borrow a little money somewhere and
go to her native town with me and set up a boarding school for the
daughters of gentlemen and take me to superintend it, and we will begin
a new splendid life. And she kisses and hugs me, comforts me, and you
know she has such faith, such faith in her fancies! One can't contradict
her. And all the day long she has been washing, cleaning, mending. She
dragged the wash tub into the room with her feeble hands and sank on the
bed, gasping for breath. We went this morning to the shops to buy shoes
for Polenka and Lida for theirs are quite worn out. Only the money we'd
reckoned wasn't enough, not nearly enough. And she picked out such dear
little boots, for she has taste, you don't know. And there in the shop
she burst out crying before the shopmen because she hadn't enough....
Ah, it was sad to see her...."
"Well, after that I can understand your
living like this," Raskolnikov said with a bitter smile.
"And aren't you sorry for them? Aren't you
sorry?" Sonia flew at him again. "Why, I know, you gave your
last penny yourself, though you'd seen nothing of it, and if you'd seen
everything, oh dear! And how often, how often I've brought her to tears!
Only last week! Yes, I! Only a week before his death. I was cruel! And
how often I've done it! Ah, I've been wretched at the thought of it all
day!"
Sonia wrung her hands as she spoke at the pain of
remembering it.
"You were cruel?"
"Yes, I—I. I went to see them," she
went on, weeping, "and father said, 'read me something, Sonia, my
head aches, read to me, here's a book.' He had a book he had got from
Andrey Semyonovitch Lebeziatnikov, he lives there, he always used to get
hold of such funny books. And I said, 'I can't stay,' as I didn't want
to read, and I'd gone in chiefly to show Katerina Ivanovna some collars.
Lizaveta, the pedlar, sold me some collars and cuffs cheap, pretty, new,
embroidered ones. Katerina Ivanovna liked them very much; she put them
on and looked at herself in the glass and was delighted with them. 'Make
me a present of them, Sonia,' she said, 'please do.' 'Please do,'
she said, she wanted them so much. And when could she wear them? They
just reminded her of her old happy days. She looked at herself in the
glass, admired herself, and she has no clothes at all, no things of her
own, hasn't had all these years! And she never asks anyone for anything;
she is proud, she'd sooner give away everything. And these she asked
for, she liked them so much. And I was sorry to give them. 'What use are
they to you, Katerina Ivanovna?' I said. I spoke like that to her, I
ought not to have said that! She gave me such a look. And she was so
grieved, so grieved at my refusing her. And it was so sad to see.... And
she was not grieved for the collars, but for my refusing, I saw that.
Ah, if only I could bring it all back, change it, take back those words!
Ah, if I... but it's nothing to you!"
"Did you know Lizaveta, the pedlar?"
"Yes.... Did you know her?" Sonia asked
with some surprise.
"Katerina Ivanovna is in consumption, rapid
consumption; she will soon die," said Raskolnikov after a pause,
without answering her question.
"Oh, no, no, no!"
And Sonia unconsciously clutched both his hands,
as though imploring that she should not.
"But it will be better if she does die."
"No, not better, not at all better!"
Sonia unconsciously repeated in dismay.
"And the children? What can you do except
take them to live with you?"
"Oh, I don't know," cried Sonia, almost
in despair, and she put her hands to her head.
It was evident that that idea had very often
occurred to her before and he had only roused it again.
"And, what, if even now, while Katerina
Ivanovna is alive, you get ill and are taken to the hospital, what will
happen then?" he persisted pitilessly.
"How can you? That cannot be!"
And Sonia's face worked with awful terror.
"Cannot be?" Raskolnikov went on with a
harsh smile. "You are not insured against it, are you? What will
happen to them then? They will be in the street, all of them, she will
cough and beg and knock her head against some wall, as she did to-day,
and the children will cry.... Then she will fall down, be taken to the
police station and to the hospital, she will die, and the
children..."
"Oh, no.... God will not let it be!"
broke at last from Sonia's overburdened bosom.
She listened, looking imploringly at him, clasping
her hands in dumb entreaty, as though it all depended upon him.
Raskolnikov got up and began to walk about the
room. A minute passed. Sonia was standing with her hands and her head
hanging in terrible dejection.
"And can't you save? Put by for a rainy
day?" he asked, stopping suddenly before her.
"No," whispered Sonia.
"Of course not. Have you tried?" he
added almost ironically.
"Yes."
"And it didn't come off! Of course not! No
need to ask."
And again he paced the room. Another minute
passed.
"You don't get money every day?"
Sonia was more confused than ever and colour
rushed into her face again.
"No," she whispered with a painful
effort.
"It will be the same with Polenka, no
doubt," he said suddenly.
"No, no! It can't be, no!" Sonia cried
aloud in desperation, as though she had been stabbed. "God would
not allow anything so awful!"
"He lets others come to it."
"No, no! God will protect her, God!" she
repeated beside herself.
"But, perhaps, there is no God at all,"
Raskolnikov answered with a sort of malignance, laughed and looked at
her.
Sonia's face suddenly changed; a tremor passed
over it. She looked at him with unutterable reproach, tried to say
something, but could not speak and broke into bitter, bitter sobs,
hiding her face in her hands.
"You say Katerina Ivanovna's mind is
unhinged; your own mind is unhinged," he said after a brief
silence.
Five minutes passed. He still paced up and down
the room in silence, not looking at her. At last he went up to her; his
eyes glittered. He put his two hands on her shoulders and looked
straight into her tearful face. His eyes were hard, feverish and
piercing, his lips were twitching. All at once he bent down quickly and
dropping to the ground, kissed her foot. Sonia drew back from him as
from a madman. And certainly he looked like a madman.
"What are you doing to me?" she
muttered, turning pale, and a sudden anguish clutched at her heart.
He stood up at once.
"I did not bow down to you, I bowed down to
all the suffering of humanity," he said wildly and walked away to
the window. "Listen," he added, turning to her a minute later.
"I said just now to an insolent man that he was not worth your
little finger... and that I did my sister honour making her sit beside
you."
"Ach, you said that to them! And in her
presence?" cried Sonia, frightened. "Sit down with me! An
honour! Why, I'm... dishonourable.... Ah, why did you say that?"
"It was not because of your dishonour and
your sin I said that of you, but because of your great suffering. But
you are a great sinner, that's true," he added almost solemnly,
"and your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed
yourself for nothing. Isn't that fearful? Isn't it fearful that
you are living in this filth which you loathe so, and at the same time
you know yourself (you've only to open your eyes) that you are not
helping anyone by it, not saving anyone from anything? Tell me," he
went on almost in a frenzy, "how this shame and degradation can
exist in you side by side with other, opposite, holy feelings? It would
be better, a thousand times better and wiser to leap into the water and
end it all!"
"But what would become of them?" Sonia
asked faintly, gazing at him with eyes of anguish, but not seeming
surprised at his suggestion.
Raskolnikov looked strangely at her. He read it
all in her face; so she must have had that thought already, perhaps many
times, and earnestly she had thought out in her despair how to end it
and so earnestly, that now she scarcely wondered at his suggestion. She
had not even noticed the cruelty of his words. (The significance of his
reproaches and his peculiar attitude to her shame she had, of course,
not noticed either, and that, too, was clear to him.) But he saw how
monstrously the thought of her disgraceful, shameful position was
torturing her and had long tortured her. "What, what," he
thought, "could hitherto have hindered her from putting an end to
it?" Only then he realised what those poor little orphan children
and that pitiful half-crazy Katerina Ivanovna, knocking her head against
the wall in her consumption, meant for Sonia.
But, nevertheless, it was clear to him again that
with her character and the amount of education she had after all
received, she could not in any case remain so. He was still confronted
by the question, how could she have remained so long in that position
without going out of her mind, since she could not bring herself to jump
into the water? Of course he knew that Sonia's position was an
exceptional case, though unhappily not unique and not infrequent,
indeed; but that very exceptionalness, her tinge of education, her
previous life might, one would have thought, have killed her at the
first step on that revolting path. What held her up—surely not
depravity? All that infamy had obviously only touched her mechanically,
not one drop of real depravity had penetrated to her heart; he saw that.
He saw through her as she stood before him....
"There are three ways before her," he
thought, "the canal, the madhouse, or... at last to sink into
depravity which obscures the mind and turns the heart to stone."
The last idea was the most revolting, but he was a
sceptic, he was young, abstract, and therefore cruel, and so he could
not help believing that the last end was the most likely.
"But can that be true?" he cried to
himself. "Can that creature who has still preserved the purity of
her spirit be consciously drawn at last into that sink of filth and
iniquity? Can the process already have begun? Can it be that she has
only been able to bear it till now, because vice has begun to be less
loathsome to her? No, no, that cannot be!" he cried, as Sonia had
just before. "No, what has kept her from the canal till now is the
idea of sin and they, the children.... And if she has not gone out of
her mind... but who says she has not gone out of her mind? Is she in her
senses? Can one talk, can one reason as she does? How can she sit on the
edge of the abyss of loathsomeness into which she is slipping and refuse
to listen when she is told of danger? Does she expect a miracle? No
doubt she does. Doesn't that all mean madness?"
He stayed obstinately at that thought. He liked
that explanation indeed better than any other. He began looking more
intently at her.
"So you pray to God a great deal,
Sonia?" he asked her.
Sonia did not speak; he stood beside her waiting
for an answer.
"What should I be without God?" she
whispered rapidly, forcibly, glancing at him with suddenly flashing
eyes, and squeezing his hand.
"Ah, so that is it!" he thought.
"And what does God do for you?" he
asked, probing her further.
Sonia was silent a long while, as though she could
not answer. Her weak chest kept heaving with emotion.
"Be silent! Don't ask! You don't
deserve!" she cried suddenly, looking sternly and wrathfully at
him.
"That's it, that's it," he repeated to
himself.
"He does everything," she whispered
quickly, looking down again.
"That's the way out! That's the
explanation," he decided, scrutinising her with eager curiosity,
with a new, strange, almost morbid feeling. He gazed at that pale, thin,
irregular, angular little face, those soft blue eyes, which could flash
with such fire, such stern energy, that little body still shaking with
indignation and anger—and it all seemed to him more and more strange,
almost impossible. "She is a religious maniac!" he repeated to
himself.
There was a book lying on the chest of drawers. He
had noticed it every time he paced up and down the room. Now he took it
up and looked at it. It was the New Testament in the Russian
translation. It was bound in leather, old and worn.
"Where did you get that?" he called to
her across the room.
She was still standing in the same place, three
steps from the table.
"It was brought me," she answered, as it
were unwillingly, not looking at him.
"Who brought it?"
"Lizaveta, I asked her for it."
"Lizaveta! strange!" he thought.
Everything about Sonia seemed to him stranger and
more wonderful every moment. He carried the book to the candle and began
to turn over the pages.
"Where is the story of Lazarus?" he
asked suddenly.
Sonia looked obstinately at the ground and would
not answer. She was standing sideways to the table.
"Where is the raising of Lazarus? Find it for
me, Sonia."
She stole a glance at him.
"You are not looking in the right place....
It's in the fourth gospel," she whispered sternly, without looking
at him.
"Find it and read it to me," he said. He
sat down with his elbow on the table, leaned his head on his hand and
looked away sullenly, prepared to listen.
"In three weeks' time they'll welcome me in
the madhouse! I shall be there if I am not in a worse place," he
muttered to himself.
Sonia heard Raskolnikov's request distrustfully
and moved hesitatingly to the table. She took the book however.
"Haven't you read it?" she asked,
looking up at him across the table.
Her voice became sterner and sterner.
"Long ago.... When I was at school.
Read!"
"And haven't you heard it in church?"
"I... haven't been. Do you often go?"
"N-no," whispered Sonia.
Raskolnikov smiled.
"I understand.... And you won't go to your
father's funeral to-morrow?"
"Yes, I shall. I was at church last week,
too... I had a requiem service."
"For whom?"
"For Lizaveta. She was killed with an
axe."
His nerves were more and more strained. His head
began to go round.
"Were you friends with Lizaveta?"
"Yes.... She was good... she used to come...
not often... she couldn't.... We used to read together and... talk. She
will see God."
The last phrase sounded strange in his ears. And
here was something new again: the mysterious meetings with Lizaveta and
both of them—religious maniacs.
"I shall be a religious maniac myself soon!
It's infectious!"
"Read!" he cried irritably and
insistently.
Sonia still hesitated. Her heart was throbbing.
She hardly dared to read to him. He looked almost with exasperation at
the "unhappy lunatic."
"What for? You don't believe?..." she
whispered softly and as it were breathlessly.
"Read! I want you to," he persisted.
"You used to read to Lizaveta."
Sonia opened the book and found the place. Her
hands were shaking, her voice failed her. Twice she tried to begin and
could not bring out the first syllable.
"Now a certain man was sick named Lazarus of
Bethany..." she forced herself at last to read, but at the third
word her voice broke like an overstrained string. There was a catch in
her breath.
Raskolnikov saw in part why Sonia could not bring
herself to read to him and the more he saw this, the more roughly and
irritably he insisted on her doing so. He understood only too well how
painful it was for her to betray and unveil all that was her own.
He understood that these feelings really were her secret treasure,
which she had kept perhaps for years, perhaps from childhood, while she
lived with an unhappy father and a distracted stepmother crazed by
grief, in the midst of starving children and unseemly abuse and
reproaches. But at the same time he knew now and knew for certain that,
although it filled her with dread and suffering, yet she had a
tormenting desire to read and to read to him that he might hear
it, and to read now whatever might come of it!... He read this in
her eyes, he could see it in her intense emotion. She mastered herself,
controlled the spasm in her throat and went on reading the eleventh
chapter of St. John. She went on to the nineteenth verse:
"And many of the Jews came to Martha and Mary
to comfort them concerning their brother.
"Then Martha as soon as she heard that Jesus
was coming went and met Him: but Mary sat still in the house.
"Then said Martha unto Jesus, Lord, if Thou
hadst been here, my brother had not died.
"But I know that even now whatsoever Thou
wilt ask of God, God will give it Thee...."
Then she stopped again with a shamefaced feeling
that her voice would quiver and break again.
"Jesus said unto her, thy brother shall rise
again.
"Martha saith unto Him, I know that he shall
rise again in the resurrection, at the last day.
"Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection
and the life: he that believeth in Me though he were dead, yet shall he
live.
"And whosoever liveth and believeth in Me
shall never die. Believest thou this?
"She saith unto Him,"
(And drawing a painful breath, Sonia read
distinctly and forcibly as though she were making a public confession of
faith.)
"Yea, Lord: I believe that Thou art the
Christ, the Son of God Which should come into the world."
She stopped and looked up quickly at him, but
controlling herself went on reading. Raskolnikov sat without moving, his
elbows on the table and his eyes turned away. She read to the
thirty-second verse.
"Then when Mary was come where Jesus was and
saw Him, she fell down at His feet, saying unto Him, Lord if Thou hadst
been here, my brother had not died.
"When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and
the Jews also weeping which came with her, He groaned in the spirit and
was troubled,
"And said, Where have ye laid him? They said
unto Him, Lord, come and see.
"Jesus wept.
"Then said the Jews, behold how He loved him!
"And some of them said, could not this Man
which opened the eyes of the blind, have caused that even this man
should not have died?"
Raskolnikov turned and looked at her with emotion.
Yes, he had known it! She was trembling in a real physical fever. He had
expected it. She was getting near the story of the greatest miracle and
a feeling of immense triumph came over her. Her voice rang out like a
bell; triumph and joy gave it power. The lines danced before her eyes,
but she knew what she was reading by heart. At the last verse
"Could not this Man which opened the eyes of the blind..."
dropping her voice she passionately reproduced the doubt, the reproach
and censure of the blind disbelieving Jews, who in another moment would
fall at His feet as though struck by thunder, sobbing and believing....
"And he, he—too, is blinded and unbelieving, he, too, will
hear, he, too, will believe, yes, yes! At once, now," was what she
was dreaming, and she was quivering with happy anticipation.
"Jesus therefore again groaning in Himself
cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it.
"Jesus said, Take ye away the stone. Martha,
the sister of him that was dead, saith unto Him, Lord by this time he
stinketh: for he hath been dead four days."
She laid emphasis on the word four.
"Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee
that if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?
"Then they took away the stone from the place
where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, Father,
I thank Thee that Thou hast heard Me.
"And I knew that Thou hearest Me always; but
because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe
that Thou hast sent Me.
"And when He thus had spoken, He cried with a
loud voice, Lazarus, come forth.
"And he that was dead came forth."
(She read loudly, cold and trembling with ecstasy,
as though she were seeing it before her eyes.)
"Bound hand and foot with graveclothes; and
his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him
and let him go.
"Then many of the Jews which came to Mary and
had seen the things which Jesus did believed on Him."
She could read no more, closed the book and got up
from her chair quickly.
"That is all about the raising of
Lazarus," she whispered severely and abruptly, and turning away she
stood motionless, not daring to raise her eyes to him. She still
trembled feverishly. The candle-end was flickering out in the battered
candlestick, dimly lighting up in the poverty-stricken room the murderer
and the harlot who had so strangely been reading together the eternal
book. Five minutes or more passed.
"I came to speak of something,"
Raskolnikov said aloud, frowning. He got up and went to Sonia. She
lifted her eyes to him in silence. His face was particularly stern and
there was a sort of savage determination in it.
"I have abandoned my family to-day," he
said, "my mother and sister. I am not going to see them. I've
broken with them completely."
"What for?" asked Sonia amazed. Her
recent meeting with his mother and sister had left a great impression
which she could not analyse. She heard his news almost with horror.
"I have only you now," he added.
"Let us go together.... I've come to you, we are both accursed, let
us go our way together!"
His eyes glittered "as though he were
mad," Sonia thought, in her turn.
"Go where?" she asked in alarm and she
involuntarily stepped back.
"How do I know? I only know it's the same
road, I know that and nothing more. It's the same goal!"
She looked at him and understood nothing. She knew
only that he was terribly, infinitely unhappy.
"No one of them will understand, if you tell
them, but I have understood. I need you, that is why I have come to
you."
"I don't understand," whispered Sonia.
"You'll understand later. Haven't you done
the same? You, too, have transgressed... have had the strength to
transgress. You have laid hands on yourself, you have destroyed a
life... your own (it's all the same!). You might have lived in
spirit and understanding, but you'll end in the Hay Market.... But you
won't be able to stand it, and if you remain alone you'll go out of your
mind like me. You are like a mad creature already. So we must go
together on the same road! Let us go!"
"What for? What's all this for?" said
Sonia, strangely and violently agitated by his words.
"What for? Because you can't remain like
this, that's why! You must look things straight in the face at last, and
not weep like a child and cry that God won't allow it. What will happen,
if you should really be taken to the hospital to-morrow? She is mad and
in consumption, she'll soon die and the children? Do you mean to tell me
Polenka won't come to grief? Haven't you seen children here at the
street corners sent out by their mothers to beg? I've found out where
those mothers live and in what surroundings. Children can't remain
children there! At seven the child is vicious and a thief. Yet children,
you know, are the image of Christ: 'theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.' He
bade us honour and love them, they are the humanity of the
future...."
"What's to be done, what's to be done?"
repeated Sonia, weeping hysterically and wringing her hands.
"What's to be done? Break what must be
broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.
What, you don't understand? You'll understand later.... Freedom and
power, and above all, power! Over all trembling creation and all the
ant-heap!... That's the goal, remember that! That's my farewell message.
Perhaps it's the last time I shall speak to you. If I don't come
to-morrow, you'll hear of it all, and then remember these words. And
some day later on, in years to come, you'll understand perhaps what they
meant. If I come to-morrow, I'll tell you who killed Lizaveta....
Good-bye."
Sonia started with terror.
"Why, do you know who killed her?" she
asked, chilled with horror, looking wildly at him.
"I know and will tell... you, only you. I
have chosen you out. I'm not coming to you to ask forgiveness, but
simply to tell you. I chose you out long ago to hear this, when your
father talked of you and when Lizaveta was alive, I thought of it.
Good-bye, don't shake hands. To-morrow!"
He went out. Sonia gazed at him as at a madman.
But she herself was like one insane and felt it. Her head was going
round.
"Good heavens, how does he know who killed
Lizaveta? What did those words mean? It's awful!" But at the same
time the idea did not enter her head, not for a moment! "Oh,
he must be terribly unhappy!... He has abandoned his mother and
sister.... What for? What has happened? And what had he in his mind?
What did he say to her? He had kissed her foot and said... said (yes, he
had said it clearly) that he could not live without her.... Oh, merciful
heavens!"
Sonia spent the whole night feverish and
delirious. She jumped up from time to time, wept and wrung her hands,
then sank again into feverish sleep and dreamt of Polenka, Katerina
Ivanovna and Lizaveta, of reading the gospel and him... him with pale
face, with burning eyes... kissing her feet, weeping.
On the other side of the door on the right, which
divided Sonia's room from Madame Resslich's flat, was a room which had
long stood empty. A card was fixed on the gate and a notice stuck in the
windows over the canal advertising it to let. Sonia had long been
accustomed to the room's being uninhabited. But all that time Mr.
Svidrigaïlov had been standing, listening at the door of the empty
room. When Raskolnikov went out he stood still, thought a moment, went
on tiptoe to his own room which adjoined the empty one, brought a chair
and noiselessly carried it to the door that led to Sonia's room. The
conversation had struck him as interesting and remarkable, and he had
greatly enjoyed it—so much so that he brought a chair that he might
not in the future, to-morrow, for instance, have to endure the
inconvenience of standing a whole hour, but might listen in comfort.
CHAPTER V
When next morning at eleven o'clock punctually
Raskolnikov went into the department of the investigation of criminal
causes and sent his name in to Porfiry Petrovitch, he was surprised at
being kept waiting so long: it was at least ten minutes before he was
summoned. He had expected that they would pounce upon him. But he stood
in the waiting-room, and people, who apparently had nothing to do with
him, were continually passing to and fro before him. In the next room
which looked like an office, several clerks were sitting writing and
obviously they had no notion who or what Raskolnikov might be. He looked
uneasily and suspiciously about him to see whether there was not some
guard, some mysterious watch being kept on him to prevent his escape.
But there was nothing of the sort: he saw only the faces of clerks
absorbed in petty details, then other people, no one seemed to have any
concern with him. He might go where he liked for them. The conviction
grew stronger in him that if that enigmatic man of yesterday, that
phantom sprung out of the earth, had seen everything, they would not
have let him stand and wait like that. And would they have waited till
he elected to appear at eleven? Either the man had not yet given
information, or... or simply he knew nothing, had seen nothing (and how
could he have seen anything?) and so all that had happened to him the
day before was again a phantom exaggerated by his sick and overstrained
imagination. This conjecture had begun to grow strong the day before, in
the midst of all his alarm and despair. Thinking it all over now and
preparing for a fresh conflict, he was suddenly aware that he was
trembling—and he felt a rush of indignation at the thought that he was
trembling with fear at facing that hateful Porfiry Petrovitch. What he
dreaded above all was meeting that man again; he hated him with an
intense, unmitigated hatred and was afraid his hatred might betray him.
His indignation was such that he ceased trembling at once; he made ready
to go in with a cold and arrogant bearing and vowed to himself to keep
as silent as possible, to watch and listen and for once at least to
control his overstrained nerves. At that moment he was summoned to
Porfiry Petrovitch.
He found Porfiry Petrovitch alone in his study.
His study was a room neither large nor small, furnished with a large
writing-table, that stood before a sofa, upholstered in checked
material, a bureau, a bookcase in the corner and several chairs—all
government furniture, of polished yellow wood. In the further wall there
was a closed door, beyond it there were no doubt other rooms. On
Raskolnikov's entrance Porfiry Petrovitch had at once closed the door by
which he had come in and they remained alone. He met his visitor with an
apparently genial and good-tempered air, and it was only after a few
minutes that Raskolnikov saw signs of a certain awkwardness in him, as
though he had been thrown out of his reckoning or caught in something
very secret.
"Ah, my dear fellow! Here you are... in our
domain"... began Porfiry, holding out both hands to him.
"Come, sit down, old man... or perhaps you don't like to be called
'my dear fellow' and 'old man!'—tout court? Please don't think
it too familiar.... Here, on the sofa."
Raskolnikov sat down, keeping his eyes fixed on
him. "In our domain," the apologies for familiarity, the
French phrase tout court, were all characteristic signs.
"He held out both hands to me, but he did not
give me one—he drew it back in time," struck him suspiciously.
Both were watching each other, but when their eyes met, quick as
lightning they looked away.
"I brought you this paper... about the watch.
Here it is. Is it all right or shall I copy it again?"
"What? A paper? Yes, yes, don't be uneasy,
it's all right," Porfiry Petrovitch said as though in haste, and
after he had said it he took the paper and looked at it. "Yes, it's
all right. Nothing more is needed," he declared with the same
rapidity and he laid the paper on the table.
A minute later when he was talking of something
else he took it from the table and put it on his bureau.
"I believe you said yesterday you would like
to question me... formally... about my acquaintance with the murdered
woman?" Raskolnikov was beginning again. "Why did I put in 'I
believe'" passed through his mind in a flash. "Why am I so
uneasy at having put in that 'I believe'?" came in a second
flash. And he suddenly felt that his uneasiness at the mere contact with
Porfiry, at the first words, at the first looks, had grown in an instant
to monstrous proportions, and that this was fearfully dangerous. His
nerves were quivering, his emotion was increasing. "It's bad, it's
bad! I shall say too much again."
"Yes, yes, yes! There's no hurry, there's no
hurry," muttered Porfiry Petrovitch, moving to and fro about the
table without any apparent aim, as it were making dashes towards the
window, the bureau and the table, at one moment avoiding Raskolnikov's
suspicious glance, then again standing still and looking him straight in
the face.
His fat round little figure looked very strange,
like a ball rolling from one side to the other and rebounding back.
"We've plenty of time. Do you smoke? have you
your own? Here, a cigarette!" he went on, offering his visitor a
cigarette. "You know I am receiving you here, but my own quarters
are through there, you know, my government quarters. But I am living
outside for the time, I had to have some repairs done here. It's almost
finished now.... Government quarters, you know, are a capital thing. Eh,
what do you think?"
"Yes, a capital thing," answered
Raskolnikov, looking at him almost ironically.
"A capital thing, a capital thing,"
repeated Porfiry Petrovitch, as though he had just thought of something
quite different. "Yes, a capital thing," he almost shouted at
last, suddenly staring at Raskolnikov and stopping short two steps from
him.
This stupid repetition was too incongruous in its
ineptitude with the serious, brooding and enigmatic glance he turned
upon his visitor.
But this stirred Raskolnikov's spleen more than
ever and he could not resist an ironical and rather incautious
challenge.
"Tell me, please," he asked suddenly,
looking almost insolently at him and taking a kind of pleasure in his
own insolence. "I believe it's a sort of legal rule, a sort of
legal tradition—for all investigating lawyers—to begin their attack
from afar, with a trivial, or at least an irrelevant subject, so as to
encourage, or rather, to divert the man they are cross-examining, to
disarm his caution and then all at once to give him an unexpected
knock-down blow with some fatal question. Isn't that so? It's a sacred
tradition, mentioned, I fancy, in all the manuals of the art?"
"Yes, yes.... Why, do you imagine that was
why I spoke about government quarters... eh?"
And as he said this Porfiry Petrovitch screwed up
his eyes and winked; a good-humoured, crafty look passed over his face.
The wrinkles on his forehead were smoothed out, his eyes contracted, his
features broadened and he suddenly went off into a nervous prolonged
laugh, shaking all over and looking Raskolnikov straight in the face.
The latter forced himself to laugh, too, but when Porfiry, seeing that
he was laughing, broke into such a guffaw that he turned almost crimson,
Raskolnikov's repulsion overcame all precaution; he left off laughing,
scowled and stared with hatred at Porfiry, keeping his eyes fixed on him
while his intentionally prolonged laughter lasted. There was lack of
precaution on both sides, however, for Porfiry Petrovitch seemed to be
laughing in his visitor's face and to be very little disturbed at the
annoyance with which the visitor received it. The latter fact was very
significant in Raskolnikov's eyes: he saw that Porfiry Petrovitch had
not been embarrassed just before either, but that he, Raskolnikov, had
perhaps fallen into a trap; that there must be something, some motive
here unknown to him; that, perhaps, everything was in readiness and in
another moment would break upon him...
He went straight to the point at once, rose from
his seat and took his cap.
"Porfiry Petrovitch," he began
resolutely, though with considerable irritation, "yesterday you
expressed a desire that I should come to you for some inquiries"
(he laid special stress on the word "inquiries"). "I have
come and if you have anything to ask me, ask it, and if not, allow me to
withdraw. I have no time to spare.... I have to be at the funeral of
that man who was run over, of whom you... know also," he added,
feeling angry at once at having made this addition and more irritated at
his anger. "I am sick of it all, do you hear? and have long been.
It's partly what made me ill. In short," he shouted, feeling that
the phrase about his illness was still more out of place, "in
short, kindly examine me or let me go, at once. And if you must examine
me, do so in the proper form! I will not allow you to do so otherwise,
and so meanwhile, good-bye, as we have evidently nothing to keep us
now."
"Good heavens! What do you mean? What shall I
question you about?" cackled Porfiry Petrovitch with a change of
tone, instantly leaving off laughing. "Please don't disturb
yourself," he began fidgeting from place to place and fussily
making Raskolnikov sit down. "There's no hurry, there's no hurry,
it's all nonsense. Oh, no, I'm very glad you've come to see me at
last... I look upon you simply as a visitor. And as for my confounded
laughter, please excuse it, Rodion Romanovitch. Rodion Romanovitch? That
is your name?... It's my nerves, you tickled me so with your witty
observation; I assure you, sometimes I shake with laughter like an
india-rubber ball for half an hour at a time.... I'm often afraid of an
attack of paralysis. Do sit down. Please do, or I shall think you are
angry..."
Raskolnikov did not speak; he listened, watching
him, still frowning angrily. He did sit down, but still held his cap.
"I must tell you one thing about myself, my
dear Rodion Romanovitch," Porfiry Petrovitch continued, moving
about the room and again avoiding his visitor's eyes. "You see, I'm
a bachelor, a man of no consequence and not used to society; besides, I
have nothing before me, I'm set, I'm running to seed and... and have you
noticed, Rodion Romanovitch, that in our Petersburg circles, if two
clever men meet who are not intimate, but respect each other, like you
and me, it takes them half an hour before they can find a subject for
conversation—they are dumb, they sit opposite each other and feel
awkward. Everyone has subjects of conversation, ladies for instance...
people in high society always have their subjects of conversation, c'est
de rigueur, but people of the middle sort like us, thinking people
that is, are always tongue-tied and awkward. What is the reason of it?
Whether it is the lack of public interest, or whether it is we are so
honest we don't want to deceive one another, I don't know. What do you
think? Do put down your cap, it looks as if you were just going, it
makes me uncomfortable... I am so delighted..."
Raskolnikov put down his cap and continued
listening in silence with a serious frowning face to the vague and empty
chatter of Porfiry Petrovitch. "Does he really want to distract my
attention with his silly babble?"
"I can't offer you coffee here; but why not
spend five minutes with a friend?" Porfiry pattered on, "and
you know all these official duties... please don't mind my running up
and down, excuse it, my dear fellow, I am very much afraid of offending
you, but exercise is absolutely indispensable for me. I'm always sitting
and so glad to be moving about for five minutes... I suffer from my
sedentary life... I always intend to join a gymnasium; they say that
officials of all ranks, even Privy Councillors, may be seen skipping
gaily there; there you have it, modern science... yes, yes.... But as
for my duties here, inquiries and all such formalities... you mentioned
inquiries yourself just now... I assure you these interrogations are
sometimes more embarrassing for the interrogator than for the
interrogated.... You made the observation yourself just now very aptly
and wittily." (Raskolnikov had made no observation of the kind.)
"One gets into a muddle! A regular muddle! One keeps harping on the
same note, like a drum! There is to be a reform and we shall be called
by a different name, at least, he-he-he! And as for our legal tradition,
as you so wittily called it, I thoroughly agree with you. Every prisoner
on trial, even the rudest peasant, knows that they begin by disarming
him with irrelevant questions (as you so happily put it) and then deal
him a knock-down blow, he-he-he!—your felicitous comparison, he-he! So
you really imagined that I meant by 'government quarters'... he-he! You
are an ironical person. Come. I won't go on! Ah, by the way, yes! One
word leads to another. You spoke of formality just now, apropos of the
inquiry, you know. But what's the use of formality? In many cases it's
nonsense. Sometimes one has a friendly chat and gets a good deal more
out of it. One can always fall back on formality, allow me to assure
you. And after all, what does it amount to? An examining lawyer cannot
be bounded by formality at every step. The work of investigation is, so
to speak, a free art in its own way, he-he-he!"
Porfiry Petrovitch took breath a moment. He had
simply babbled on uttering empty phrases, letting slip a few enigmatic
words and again reverting to incoherence. He was almost running about
the room, moving his fat little legs quicker and quicker, looking at the
ground, with his right hand behind his back, while with his left making
gesticulations that were extraordinarily incongruous with his words.
Raskolnikov suddenly noticed that as he ran about the room he seemed
twice to stop for a moment near the door, as though he were listening.
"Is he expecting anything?"
"You are certainly quite right about
it," Porfiry began gaily, looking with extraordinary simplicity at
Raskolnikov (which startled him and instantly put him on his guard);
"certainly quite right in laughing so wittily at our legal forms,
he-he! Some of these elaborate psychological methods are exceedingly
ridiculous and perhaps useless, if one adheres too closely to the forms.
Yes... I am talking of forms again. Well, if I recognise, or more
strictly speaking, if I suspect someone or other to be a criminal in any
case entrusted to me... you're reading for the law, of course, Rodion
Romanovitch?"
"Yes, I was..."
"Well, then it is a precedent for you for the
future—though don't suppose I should venture to instruct you after the
articles you publish about crime! No, I simply make bold to state it by
way of fact, if I took this man or that for a criminal, why, I ask,
should I worry him prematurely, even though I had evidence against him?
In one case I may be bound, for instance, to arrest a man at once, but
another may be in quite a different position, you know, so why shouldn't
I let him walk about the town a bit? he-he-he! But I see you don't quite
understand, so I'll give you a clearer example. If I put him in prison
too soon, I may very likely give him, so to speak, moral support, he-he!
You're laughing?"
Raskolnikov had no idea of laughing. He was
sitting with compressed lips, his feverish eyes fixed on Porfiry
Petrovitch's.
"Yet that is the case, with some types
especially, for men are so different. You say 'evidence'. Well, there
may be evidence. But evidence, you know, can generally be taken two
ways. I am an examining lawyer and a weak man, I confess it. I should
like to make a proof, so to say, mathematically clear. I should like to
make a chain of evidence such as twice two are four, it ought to be a
direct, irrefutable proof! And if I shut him up too soon—even though I
might be convinced he was the man, I should very likely be
depriving myself of the means of getting further evidence against him.
And how? By giving him, so to speak, a definite position, I shall put
him out of suspense and set his mind at rest, so that he will retreat
into his shell. They say that at Sevastopol, soon after Alma, the clever
people were in a terrible fright that the enemy would attack openly and
take Sevastopol at once. But when they saw that the enemy preferred a
regular siege, they were delighted, I am told and reassured, for the
thing would drag on for two months at least. You're laughing, you don't
believe me again? Of course, you're right, too. You're right, you're
right. These are special cases, I admit. But you must observe this, my
dear Rodion Romanovitch, the general case, the case for which all legal
forms and rules are intended, for which they are calculated and laid
down in books, does not exist at all, for the reason that every case,
every crime, for instance, so soon as it actually occurs, at once
becomes a thoroughly special case and sometimes a case unlike any that's
gone before. Very comic cases of that sort sometimes occur. If I leave
one man quite alone, if I don't touch him and don't worry him, but let
him know or at least suspect every moment that I know all about it and
am watching him day and night, and if he is in continual suspicion and
terror, he'll be bound to lose his head. He'll come of himself, or maybe
do something which will make it as plain as twice two are four—it's
delightful. It may be so with a simple peasant, but with one of our
sort, an intelligent man cultivated on a certain side, it's a dead
certainty. For, my dear fellow, it's a very important matter to know on
what side a man is cultivated. And then there are nerves, there are
nerves, you have overlooked them! Why, they are all sick, nervous and
irritable!... And then how they all suffer from spleen! That I assure
you is a regular gold-mine for us. And it's no anxiety to me, his
running about the town free! Let him, let him walk about for a bit! I
know well enough that I've caught him and that he won't escape me. Where
could he escape to, he-he? Abroad, perhaps? A Pole will escape abroad,
but not here, especially as I am watching and have taken measures. Will
he escape into the depths of the country perhaps? But you know, peasants
live there, real rude Russian peasants. A modern cultivated man would
prefer prison to living with such strangers as our peasants. He-he! But
that's all nonsense, and on the surface. It's not merely that he has
nowhere to run to, he is psychologically unable to escape me,
he-he! What an expression! Through a law of nature he can't escape me if
he had anywhere to go. Have you seen a butterfly round a candle? That's
how he will keep circling and circling round me. Freedom will lose its
attractions. He'll begin to brood, he'll weave a tangle round himself,
he'll worry himself to death! What's more he will provide me with a
mathematical proof—if I only give him long enough interval.... And
he'll keep circling round me, getting nearer and nearer and then—flop!
He'll fly straight into my mouth and I'll swallow him, and that will be
very amusing, he-he-he! You don't believe me?"
Raskolnikov made no reply; he sat pale and
motionless, still gazing with the same intensity into Porfiry's face.
"It's a lesson," he thought, turning
cold. "This is beyond the cat playing with a mouse, like yesterday.
He can't be showing off his power with no motive... prompting me; he is
far too clever for that... he must have another object. What is it? It's
all nonsense, my friend, you are pretending, to scare me! You've no
proofs and the man I saw had no real existence. You simply want to make
me lose my head, to work me up beforehand and so to crush me. But you
are wrong, you won't do it! But why give me such a hint? Is he reckoning
on my shattered nerves? No, my friend, you are wrong, you won't do it
even though you have some trap for me... let us see what you have in
store for me."
And he braced himself to face a terrible and
unknown ordeal. At times he longed to fall on Porfiry and strangle him.
This anger was what he dreaded from the beginning. He felt that his
parched lips were flecked with foam, his heart was throbbing. But he was
still determined not to speak till the right moment. He realised that
this was the best policy in his position, because instead of saying too
much he would be irritating his enemy by his silence and provoking him
into speaking too freely. Anyhow, this was what he hoped for.
"No, I see you don't believe me, you think I
am playing a harmless joke on you," Porfiry began again, getting
more and more lively, chuckling at every instant and again pacing round
the room. "And to be sure you're right: God has given me a figure
that can awaken none but comic ideas in other people; a buffoon; but let
me tell you, and I repeat it, excuse an old man, my dear Rodion
Romanovitch, you are a man still young, so to say, in your first youth
and so you put intellect above everything, like all young people.
Playful wit and abstract arguments fascinate you and that's for all the
world like the old Austrian Hof-kriegsrath, as far as I can judge
of military matters, that is: on paper they'd beaten Napoleon and taken
him prisoner, and there in their study they worked it all out in the
cleverest fashion, but look you, General Mack surrendered with all his
army, he-he-he! I see, I see, Rodion Romanovitch, you are laughing at a
civilian like me, taking examples out of military history! But I can't
help it, it's my weakness. I am fond of military science. And I'm ever
so fond of reading all military histories. I've certainly missed my
proper career. I ought to have been in the army, upon my word I ought. I
shouldn't have been a Napoleon, but I might have been a major, he-he!
Well, I'll tell you the whole truth, my dear fellow, about this special
case, I mean: actual fact and a man's temperament, my dear sir, are
weighty matters and it's astonishing how they sometimes deceive the
sharpest calculation! I—listen to an old man—am speaking seriously,
Rodion Romanovitch" (as he said this Porfiry Petrovitch, who was
scarcely five-and-thirty, actually seemed to have grown old; even his
voice changed and he seemed to shrink together) "Moreover, I'm a
candid man... am I a candid man or not? What do you say? I fancy I
really am: I tell you these things for nothing and don't even expect a
reward for it, he-he! Well, to proceed, wit in my opinion is a splendid
thing, it is, so to say, an adornment of nature and a consolation of
life, and what tricks it can play! So that it sometimes is hard for a
poor examining lawyer to know where he is, especially when he's liable
to be carried away by his own fancy, too, for you know he is a man after
all! But the poor fellow is saved by the criminal's temperament, worse
luck for him! But young people carried away by their own wit don't think
of that 'when they overstep all obstacles,' as you wittily and cleverly
expressed it yesterday. He will lie—that is, the man who is a special
case, the incognito, and he will lie well, in the cleverest fashion;
you might think he would triumph and enjoy the fruits of his wit, but at
the most interesting, the most flagrant moment he will faint. Of course
there may be illness and a stuffy room as well, but anyway! Anyway he's
given us the idea! He lied incomparably, but he didn't reckon on his
temperament. That's what betrays him! Another time he will be carried
away by his playful wit into making fun of the man who suspects him, he
will turn pale as it were on purpose to mislead, but his paleness will
be too natural, too much like the real thing, again he has given
us an idea! Though his questioner may be deceived at first, he will
think differently next day if he is not a fool, and, of course, it is
like that at every step! He puts himself forward where he is not wanted,
speaks continually when he ought to keep silent, brings in all sorts of
allegorical allusions, he-he! Comes and asks why didn't you take me long
ago? he-he-he! And that can happen, you know, with the cleverest man,
the psychologist, the literary man. The temperament reflects everything
like a mirror! Gaze into it and admire what you see! But why are you so
pale, Rodion Romanovitch? Is the room stuffy? Shall I open the
window?"
"Oh, don't trouble, please," cried
Raskolnikov and he suddenly broke into a laugh. "Please don't
trouble."
Porfiry stood facing him, paused a moment and
suddenly he too laughed. Raskolnikov got up from the sofa, abruptly
checking his hysterical laughter.
"Porfiry Petrovitch," he began, speaking
loudly and distinctly, though his legs trembled and he could scarcely
stand. "I see clearly at last that you actually suspect me of
murdering that old woman and her sister Lizaveta. Let me tell you for my
part that I am sick of this. If you find that you have a right to
prosecute me legally, to arrest me, then prosecute me, arrest me. But I
will not let myself be jeered at to my face and worried..."
His lips trembled, his eyes glowed with fury and
he could not restrain his voice.
"I won't allow it!" he shouted, bringing
his fist down on the table. "Do you hear that, Porfiry Petrovitch?
I won't allow it."
"Good heavens! What does it mean?" cried
Porfiry Petrovitch, apparently quite frightened. "Rodion
Romanovitch, my dear fellow, what is the matter with you?"
"I won't allow it," Raskolnikov shouted
again.
"Hush, my dear man! They'll hear and come in.
Just think, what could we say to them?" Porfiry Petrovitch
whispered in horror, bringing his face close to Raskolnikov's.
"I won't allow it, I won't allow it,"
Raskolnikov repeated mechanically, but he too spoke in a sudden whisper.
Porfiry turned quickly and ran to open the window.
"Some fresh air! And you must have some
water, my dear fellow. You're ill!" and he was running to the door
to call for some when he found a decanter of water in the corner.
"Come, drink a little," he whispered, rushing up to him with
the decanter. "It will be sure to do you good."
Porfiry Petrovitch's alarm and sympathy were so
natural that Raskolnikov was silent and began looking at him with wild
curiosity. He did not take the water, however.
"Rodion Romanovitch, my dear fellow, you'll
drive yourself out of your mind, I assure you, ach, ach! Have some
water, do drink a little."
He forced him to take the glass. Raskolnikov
raised it mechanically to his lips, but set it on the table again with
disgust.
"Yes, you've had a little attack! You'll
bring back your illness again, my dear fellow," Porfiry Petrovitch
cackled with friendly sympathy, though he still looked rather
disconcerted. "Good heavens, you must take more care of yourself!
Dmitri Prokofitch was here, came to see me yesterday—I know, I know,
I've a nasty, ironical temper, but what they made of it!... Good
heavens, he came yesterday after you'd been. We dined and he talked and
talked away, and I could only throw up my hands in despair! Did he come
from you? But do sit down, for mercy's sake, sit down!"
"No, not from me, but I knew he went to you
and why he went," Raskolnikov answered sharply.
"You knew?"
"I knew. What of it?"
"Why this, Rodion Romanovitch, that I know
more than that about you; I know about everything. I know how you went to
take a flat at night when it was dark and how you rang the bell and
asked about the blood, so that the workmen and the porter did not know
what to make of it. Yes, I understand your state of mind at that time...
but you'll drive yourself mad like that, upon my word! You'll lose your
head! You're full of generous indignation at the wrongs you've received,
first from destiny, and then from the police officers, and so you rush
from one thing to another to force them to speak out and make an end of
it all, because you are sick of all this suspicion and foolishness.
That's so, isn't it? I have guessed how you feel, haven't I? Only in
that way you'll lose your head and Razumihin's, too; he's too good
a man for such a position, you must know that. You are ill and he is
good and your illness is infectious for him... I'll tell you about it
when you are more yourself.... But do sit down, for goodness' sake.
Please rest, you look shocking, do sit down."
Raskolnikov sat down; he no longer shivered, he
was hot all over. In amazement he listened with strained attention to
Porfiry Petrovitch who still seemed frightened as he looked after him
with friendly solicitude. But he did not believe a word he said, though
he felt a strange inclination to believe. Porfiry's unexpected words
about the flat had utterly overwhelmed him. "How can it be, he
knows about the flat then," he thought suddenly, "and he tells
it me himself!"
"Yes, in our legal practice there was a case
almost exactly similar, a case of morbid psychology," Porfiry went
on quickly. "A man confessed to murder and how he kept it up! It
was a regular hallucination; he brought forward facts, he imposed upon
everyone and why? He had been partly, but only partly, unintentionally
the cause of a murder and when he knew that he had given the murderers
the opportunity, he sank into dejection, it got on his mind and turned
his brain, he began imagining things and he persuaded himself that he
was the murderer. But at last the High Court of Appeal went into it and
the poor fellow was acquitted and put under proper care. Thanks to the
Court of Appeal! Tut-tut-tut! Why, my dear fellow, you may drive
yourself into delirium if you have the impulse to work upon your nerves,
to go ringing bells at night and asking about blood! I've studied all
this morbid psychology in my practice. A man is sometimes tempted to
jump out of a window or from a belfry. Just the same with
bell-ringing.... It's all illness, Rodion Romanovitch! You have begun to
neglect your illness. You should consult an experienced doctor, what's
the good of that fat fellow? You are lightheaded! You were delirious
when you did all this!"
For a moment Raskolnikov felt everything going
round.
"Is it possible, is it possible,"
flashed through his mind, "that he is still lying? He can't be, he
can't be." He rejected that idea, feeling to what a degree of fury
it might drive him, feeling that that fury might drive him mad.
"I was not delirious. I knew what I was
doing," he cried, straining every faculty to penetrate Porfiry's
game, "I was quite myself, do you hear?"
"Yes, I hear and understand. You said
yesterday you were not delirious, you were particularly emphatic about
it! I understand all you can tell me! A-ach!... Listen, Rodion
Romanovitch, my dear fellow. If you were actually a criminal, or were
somehow mixed up in this damnable business, would you insist that you
were not delirious but in full possession of your faculties? And so
emphatically and persistently? Would it be possible? Quite impossible,
to my thinking. If you had anything on your conscience, you certainly
ought to insist that you were delirious. That's so, isn't it?"
There was a note of slyness in this inquiry.
Raskolnikov drew back on the sofa as Porfiry bent over him and stared in
silent perplexity at him.
"Another thing about Razumihin—you
certainly ought to have said that he came of his own accord, to have
concealed your part in it! But you don't conceal it! You lay stress on
his coming at your instigation."
Raskolnikov had not done so. A chill went down his
back.
"You keep telling lies," he said slowly
and weakly, twisting his lips into a sickly smile, "you are trying
again to show that you know all my game, that you know all I shall say
beforehand," he said, conscious himself that he was not weighing
his words as he ought. "You want to frighten me... or you are
simply laughing at me..."
He still stared at him as he said this and again
there was a light of intense hatred in his eyes.
"You keep lying," he said. "You
know perfectly well that the best policy for the criminal is to tell the
truth as nearly as possible... to conceal as little as possible. I don't
believe you!"
"What a wily person you are!" Porfiry
tittered, "there's no catching you; you've a perfect monomania. So
you don't believe me? But still you do believe me, you believe a
quarter; I'll soon make you believe the whole, because I have a sincere
liking for you and genuinely wish you good."
Raskolnikov's lips trembled.
"Yes, I do," went on Porfiry, touching
Raskolnikov's arm genially, "you must take care of your illness.
Besides, your mother and sister are here now; you must think of them.
You must soothe and comfort them and you do nothing but frighten
them..."
"What has that to do with you? How do you
know it? What concern is it of yours? You are keeping watch on me and
want to let me know it?"
"Good heavens! Why, I learnt it all from you
yourself! You don't notice that in your excitement you tell me and
others everything. From Razumihin, too, I learnt a number of interesting
details yesterday. No, you interrupted me, but I must tell you that, for
all your wit, your suspiciousness makes you lose the common-sense view
of things. To return to bell-ringing, for instance. I, an examining
lawyer, have betrayed a precious thing like that, a real fact (for it is
a fact worth having), and you see nothing in it! Why, if I had the
slightest suspicion of you, should I have acted like that? No, I should
first have disarmed your suspicions and not let you see I knew of that
fact, should have diverted your attention and suddenly have dealt you a
knock-down blow (your expression) saying: 'And what were you doing, sir,
pray, at ten or nearly eleven at the murdered woman's flat and why did
you ring the bell and why did you ask about blood? And why did you
invite the porters to go with you to the police station, to the
lieutenant?' That's how I ought to have acted if I had a grain of
suspicion of you. I ought to have taken your evidence in due form,
searched your lodging and perhaps have arrested you, too... so I have no
suspicion of you, since I have not done that! But you can't look at it
normally and you see nothing, I say again."
Raskolnikov started so that Porfiry Petrovitch
could not fail to perceive it.
"You are lying all the while," he cried,
"I don't know your object, but you are lying. You did not speak
like that just now and I cannot be mistaken!"
"I am lying?" Porfiry repeated,
apparently incensed, but preserving a good-humoured and ironical face,
as though he were not in the least concerned at Raskolnikov's opinion of
him. "I am lying... but how did I treat you just now, I, the
examining lawyer? Prompting you and giving you every means for your
defence; illness, I said, delirium, injury, melancholy and the police
officers and all the rest of it? Ah! He-he-he! Though, indeed, all those
psychological means of defence are not very reliable and cut both ways:
illness, delirium, I don't remember—that's all right, but why, my good
sir, in your illness and in your delirium were you haunted by just those
delusions and not by any others? There may have been others, eh?
He-he-he!"
Raskolnikov looked haughtily and contemptuously at
him.
"Briefly," he said loudly and
imperiously, rising to his feet and in so doing pushing Porfiry back a
little, "briefly, I want to know, do you acknowledge me perfectly
free from suspicion or not? Tell me, Porfiry Petrovitch, tell me once
for all and make haste!"
"What a business I'm having with you!"
cried Porfiry with a perfectly good-humoured, sly and composed face.
"And why do you want to know, why do you want to know so much,
since they haven't begun to worry you? Why, you are like a child asking
for matches! And why are you so uneasy? Why do you force yourself upon
us, eh? He-he-he!"
"I repeat," Raskolnikov cried furiously,
"that I can't put up with it!"
"With what? Uncertainty?" interrupted
Porfiry.
"Don't jeer at me! I won't have it! I tell
you I won't have it. I can't and I won't, do you hear, do you
hear?" he shouted, bringing his fist down on the table again.
"Hush! Hush! They'll overhear! I warn you
seriously, take care of yourself. I am not joking," Porfiry
whispered, but this time there was not the look of old womanish good
nature and alarm in his face. Now he was peremptory, stern, frowning and
for once laying aside all mystification.
But this was only for an instant. Raskolnikov,
bewildered, suddenly fell into actual frenzy, but, strange to say, he
again obeyed the command to speak quietly, though he was in a perfect
paroxysm of fury.
"I will not allow myself to be
tortured," he whispered, instantly recognising with hatred that he
could not help obeying the command and driven to even greater fury by
the thought. "Arrest me, search me, but kindly act in due form and
don't play with me! Don't dare!"
"Don't worry about the form," Porfiry
interrupted with the same sly smile, as it were, gloating with enjoyment
over Raskolnikov. "I invited you to see me quite in a friendly
way."
"I don't want your friendship and I spit on
it! Do you hear? And, here, I take my cap and go. What will you say now
if you mean to arrest me?"
He took up his cap and went to the door.
"And won't you see my little surprise?"
chuckled Porfiry, again taking him by the arm and stopping him at the
door.
He seemed to become more playful and good-humoured
which maddened Raskolnikov.
"What surprise?" he asked, standing
still and looking at Porfiry in alarm.
"My little surprise, it's sitting there
behind the door, he-he-he!" (He pointed to the locked door.)
"I locked him in that he should not escape."
"What is it? Where? What?..."
Raskolnikov walked to the door and would have
opened it, but it was locked.
"It's locked, here is the key!"
And he brought a key out of his pocket.
"You are lying," roared Raskolnikov
without restraint, "you lie, you damned punchinello!" and he
rushed at Porfiry who retreated to the other door, not at all alarmed.
"I understand it all! You are lying and
mocking so that I may betray myself to you..."
"Why, you could not betray yourself any
further, my dear Rodion Romanovitch. You are in a passion. Don't shout,
I shall call the clerks."
"You are lying! Call the clerks! You knew I
was ill and tried to work me into a frenzy to make me betray myself,
that was your object! Produce your facts! I understand it all. You've no
evidence, you have only wretched rubbishly suspicions like Zametov's!
You knew my character, you wanted to drive me to fury and then to knock
me down with priests and deputies.... Are you waiting for them? eh! What
are you waiting for? Where are they? Produce them?"
"Why deputies, my good man? What things
people will imagine! And to do so would not be acting in form as you
say, you don't know the business, my dear fellow.... And there's no
escaping form, as you see," Porfiry muttered, listening at the door
through which a noise could be heard.
"Ah, they're coming," cried Raskolnikov.
"You've sent for them! You expected them! Well, produce them all:
your deputies, your witnesses, what you like!... I am ready!"
But at this moment a strange incident occurred,
something so unexpected that neither Raskolnikov nor Porfiry Petrovitch
could have looked for such a conclusion to their interview.
CHAPTER VI
When he remembered the scene afterwards, this is
how Raskolnikov saw it.
The noise behind the door increased, and suddenly
the door was opened a little.
"What is it?" cried Porfiry Petrovitch,
annoyed. "Why, I gave orders..."
For an instant there was no answer, but it was
evident that there were several persons at the door, and that they were
apparently pushing somebody back.
"What is it?" Porfiry Petrovitch
repeated, uneasily.
"The prisoner Nikolay has been brought,"
someone answered.
"He is not wanted! Take him away! Let him
wait! What's he doing here? How irregular!" cried Porfiry, rushing
to the door.
"But he..." began the same voice, and
suddenly ceased.
Two seconds, not more, were spent in actual
struggle, then someone gave a violent shove, and then a man, very pale,
strode into the room.
This man's appearance was at first sight very
strange. He stared straight before him, as though seeing nothing. There
was a determined gleam in his eyes; at the same time there was a deathly
pallor in his face, as though he were being led to the scaffold. His
white lips were faintly twitching.
He was dressed like a workman and was of medium
height, very young, slim, his hair cut in round crop, with thin spare
features. The man whom he had thrust back followed him into the room and
succeeded in seizing him by the shoulder; he was a warder; but Nikolay
pulled his arm away.
Several persons crowded inquisitively into the
doorway. Some of them tried to get in. All this took place almost
instantaneously.
"Go away, it's too soon! Wait till you are
sent for!... Why have you brought him so soon?" Porfiry Petrovitch
muttered, extremely annoyed, and as it were thrown out of his reckoning.
But Nikolay suddenly knelt down.
"What's the matter?" cried Porfiry,
surprised.
"I am guilty! Mine is the sin! I am the
murderer," Nikolay articulated suddenly, rather breathless, but
speaking fairly loudly.
For ten seconds there was silence as though all
had been struck dumb; even the warder stepped back, mechanically
retreated to the door, and stood immovable.
"What is it?" cried Porfiry Petrovitch,
recovering from his momentary stupefaction.
"I... am the murderer," repeated
Nikolay, after a brief pause.
"What... you... what... whom did you
kill?" Porfiry Petrovitch was obviously bewildered.
Nikolay again was silent for a moment.
"Alyona Ivanovna and her sister Lizaveta
Ivanovna, I... killed... with an axe. Darkness came over me," he
added suddenly, and was again silent.
He still remained on his knees. Porfiry Petrovitch
stood for some moments as though meditating, but suddenly roused himself
and waved back the uninvited spectators. They instantly vanished and
closed the door. Then he looked towards Raskolnikov, who was standing in
the corner, staring wildly at Nikolay and moved towards him, but stopped
short, looked from Nikolay to Raskolnikov and then again at Nikolay, and
seeming unable to restrain himself darted at the latter.
"You're in too great a hurry," he
shouted at him, almost angrily. "I didn't ask you what came over
you.... Speak, did you kill them?"
"I am the murderer.... I want to give
evidence," Nikolay pronounced.
"Ach! What did you kill them with?"
"An axe. I had it ready."
"Ach, he is in a hurry! Alone?"
Nikolay did not understand the question.
"Did you do it alone?"
"Yes, alone. And Mitka is not guilty and had
no share in it."
"Don't be in a hurry about Mitka! A-ach! How
was it you ran downstairs like that at the time? The porters met you
both!"
"It was to put them off the scent... I ran
after Mitka," Nikolay replied hurriedly, as though he had prepared
the answer.
"I knew it!" cried Porfiry, with
vexation. "It's not his own tale he is telling," he muttered
as though to himself, and suddenly his eyes rested on Raskolnikov again.
He was apparently so taken up with Nikolay that
for a moment he had forgotten Raskolnikov. He was a little taken aback.
"My dear Rodion Romanovitch, excuse me!"
he flew up to him, "this won't do; I'm afraid you must go... it's
no good your staying... I will... you see, what a surprise!...
Good-bye!"
And taking him by the arm, he showed him to the
door.
"I suppose you didn't expect it?" said
Raskolnikov who, though he had not yet fully grasped the situation, had
regained his courage.
"You did not expect it either, my friend. See
how your hand is trembling! He-he!"
"You're trembling, too, Porfiry
Petrovitch!"
"Yes, I am; I didn't expect it."
They were already at the door; Porfiry was
impatient for Raskolnikov to be gone.
"And your little surprise, aren't you going
to show it to me?" Raskolnikov said, sarcastically.
"Why, his teeth are chattering as he asks,
he-he! You are an ironical person! Come, till we meet!"
"I believe we can say good-bye!"
"That's in God's hands," muttered
Porfiry, with an unnatural smile.
As he walked through the office, Raskolnikov
noticed that many people were looking at him. Among them he saw the two
porters from the house, whom he had invited that night to the
police station. They stood there waiting. But he was no sooner on the
stairs than he heard the voice of Porfiry Petrovitch behind him. Turning
round, he saw the latter running after him, out of breath.
"One word, Rodion Romanovitch; as to all the
rest, it's in God's hands, but as a matter of form there are some
questions I shall have to ask you... so we shall meet again, shan't
we?"
And Porfiry stood still, facing him with a smile.
"Shan't we?" he added again.
He seemed to want to say something more, but could
not speak out.
"You must forgive me, Porfiry Petrovitch, for
what has just passed... I lost my temper," began Raskolnikov, who
had so far regained his courage that he felt irresistibly inclined to
display his coolness.
"Don't mention it, don't mention it,"
Porfiry replied, almost gleefully. "I myself, too... I have a
wicked temper, I admit it! But we shall meet again. If it's God's will,
we may see a great deal of one another."
"And will get to know each other through and
through?" added Raskolnikov.
"Yes; know each other through and
through," assented Porfiry Petrovitch, and he screwed up his eyes,
looking earnestly at Raskolnikov. "Now you're going to a birthday
party?"
"To a funeral."
"Of course, the funeral! Take care of
yourself, and get well."
"I don't know what to wish you," said
Raskolnikov, who had begun to descend the stairs, but looked back again.
"I should like to wish you success, but your office is such a
comical one."
"Why comical?" Porfiry Petrovitch had
turned to go, but he seemed to prick up his ears at this.
"Why, how you must have been torturing and
harassing that poor Nikolay psychologically, after your fashion, till he
confessed! You must have been at him day and night, proving to him that
he was the murderer, and now that he has confessed, you'll begin
vivisecting him again. 'You are lying,' you'll say. 'You are not the
murderer! You can't be! It's not your own tale you are telling!' You
must admit it's a comical business!"
"He-he-he! You noticed then that I said to
Nikolay just now that it was not his own tale he was telling?"
"How could I help noticing it!"
"He-he! You are quick-witted. You notice
everything! You've really a playful mind! And you always fasten on the
comic side... he-he! They say that was the marked characteristic of
Gogol, among the writers."
"Yes, of Gogol."
"Yes, of Gogol.... I shall look forward to
meeting you."
"So shall I."
Raskolnikov walked straight home. He was so
muddled and bewildered that on getting home he sat for a quarter of an
hour on the sofa, trying to collect his thoughts. He did not attempt to
think about Nikolay; he was stupefied; he felt that his confession was
something inexplicable, amazing—something beyond his understanding.
But Nikolay's confession was an actual fact. The consequences of this
fact were clear to him at once, its falsehood could not fail to be
discovered, and then they would be after him again. Till then, at least,
he was free and must do something for himself, for the danger was
imminent.
But how imminent? His position gradually became
clear to him. Remembering, sketchily, the main outlines of his recent
scene with Porfiry, he could not help shuddering again with horror. Of
course, he did not yet know all Porfiry's aims, he could not see into
all his calculations. But he had already partly shown his hand, and no
one knew better than Raskolnikov how terrible Porfiry's "lead"
had been for him. A little more and he might have given himself
away completely, circumstantially. Knowing his nervous temperament and
from the first glance seeing through him, Porfiry, though playing a bold
game, was bound to win. There's no denying that Raskolnikov had
compromised himself seriously, but no facts had come to light as
yet; there was nothing positive. But was he taking a true view of the
position? Wasn't he mistaken? What had Porfiry been trying to get at?
Had he really some surprise prepared for him? And what was it? Had he
really been expecting something or not? How would they have parted if it
had not been for the unexpected appearance of Nikolay?
Porfiry had shown almost all his cards—of
course, he had risked something in showing them—and if he had really
had anything up his sleeve (Raskolnikov reflected), he would have shown
that, too. What was that "surprise"? Was it a joke? Had it
meant anything? Could it have concealed anything like a fact, a piece of
positive evidence? His yesterday's visitor? What had become of him?
Where was he to-day? If Porfiry really had any evidence, it must be
connected with him....
He sat on the sofa with his elbows on his knees
and his face hidden in his hands. He was still shivering nervously. At
last he got up, took his cap, thought a minute, and went to the door.
He had a sort of presentiment that for to-day, at
least, he might consider himself out of danger. He had a sudden sense
almost of joy; he wanted to make haste to Katerina Ivanovna's. He would
be too late for the funeral, of course, but he would be in time for the
memorial dinner, and there at once he would see Sonia.
He stood still, thought a moment, and a suffering
smile came for a moment on to his lips.
"To-day! To-day," he repeated to
himself. "Yes, to-day! So it must be...."
But as he was about to open the door, it began
opening of itself. He started and moved back. The door opened gently and
slowly, and there suddenly appeared a figure—yesterday's visitor from
underground.
The man stood in the doorway, looked at
Raskolnikov without speaking, and took a step forward into the room. He
was exactly the same as yesterday; the same figure, the same dress, but
there was a great change in his face; he looked dejected and sighed
deeply. If he had only put his hand up to his cheek and leaned his head
on one side he would have looked exactly like a peasant woman.
"What do you want?" asked Raskolnikov,
numb with terror. The man was still silent, but suddenly he bowed down
almost to the ground, touching it with his finger.
"What is it?" cried Raskolnikov.
"I have sinned," the man articulated
softly.
"How?"
"By evil thoughts."
They looked at one another.
"I was vexed. When you came, perhaps in
drink, and bade the porters go to the police station and asked about the
blood, I was vexed that they let you go and took you for drunken. I was
so vexed that I lost my sleep. And remembering the address we came here
yesterday and asked for you...."
"Who came?" Raskolnikov interrupted,
instantly beginning to recollect.
"I did, I've wronged you."
"Then you come from that house?"
"I was standing at the gate with them...
don't you remember? We have carried on our trade in that house for years
past. We cure and prepare hides, we take work home... most of all I was
vexed...."
And the whole scene of the day before yesterday in
the gateway came clearly before Raskolnikov's mind; he recollected that
there had been several people there besides the porters, women among
them. He remembered one voice had suggested taking him straight to the
police-station. He could not recall the face of the speaker, and even
now he did not recognise it, but he remembered that he had turned round
and made him some answer....
So this was the solution of yesterday's horror.
The most awful thought was that he had been actually almost lost, had
almost done for himself on account of such a trivial
circumstance. So this man could tell nothing except his asking about the
flat and the blood stains. So Porfiry, too, had nothing but that delirium,
no facts but this psychology which cuts both ways, nothing
positive. So if no more facts come to light (and they must not, they
must not!) then... then what can they do to him? How can they convict
him, even if they arrest him? And Porfiry then had only just heard about
the flat and had not known about it before.
"Was it you who told Porfiry... that I'd been
there?" he cried, struck by a sudden idea.
"What Porfiry?"
"The head of the detective department?"
"Yes. The porters did not go there, but I
went."
"To-day?"
"I got there two minutes before you. And I
heard, I heard it all, how he worried you."
"Where? What? When?"
"Why, in the next room. I was sitting there
all the time."
"What? Why, then you were the surprise? But
how could it happen? Upon my word!"
"I saw that the porters did not want to do
what I said," began the man; "for it's too late, said they,
and maybe he'll be angry that we did not come at the time. I was vexed
and I lost my sleep, and I began making inquiries. And finding out
yesterday where to go, I went to-day. The first time I went he wasn't
there, when I came an hour later he couldn't see me. I went the third
time, and they showed me in. I informed him of everything, just as it
happened, and he began skipping about the room and punching himself on
the chest. 'What do you scoundrels mean by it? If I'd known about it I
should have arrested him!' Then he ran out, called somebody and began
talking to him in the corner, then he turned to me, scolding and
questioning me. He scolded me a great deal; and I told him everything,
and I told him that you didn't dare to say a word in answer to me
yesterday and that you didn't recognise me. And he fell to running about
again and kept hitting himself on the chest, and getting angry and
running about, and when you were announced he told me to go into the
next room. 'Sit there a bit,' he said. 'Don't move, whatever you may
hear.' And he set a chair there for me and locked me in. 'Perhaps,' he
said, 'I may call you.' And when Nikolay'd been brought he let me out as
soon as you were gone. 'I shall send for you again and question you,' he
said."
"And did he question Nikolay while you were
there?"
"He got rid of me as he did of you, before he
spoke to Nikolay."
The man stood still, and again suddenly bowed
down, touching the ground with his finger.
"Forgive me for my evil thoughts, and my
slander."
"May God forgive you," answered
Raskolnikov.
And as he said this, the man bowed down again, but
not to the ground, turned slowly and went out of the room.
"It all cuts both ways, now it all cuts both
ways," repeated Raskolnikov, and he went out more confident than
ever.
"Now we'll make a fight for it," he
said, with a malicious smile, as he went down the stairs. His malice was
aimed at himself; with shame and contempt he recollected his
"cowardice."
PART V
CHAPTER I
The morning that followed the fateful interview
with Dounia and her mother brought sobering influences to bear on Pyotr
Petrovitch. Intensely unpleasant as it was, he was forced little by
little to accept as a fact beyond recall what had seemed to him only the
day before fantastic and incredible. The black snake of wounded vanity
had been gnawing at his heart all night. When he got out of bed, Pyotr
Petrovitch immediately looked in the looking-glass. He was afraid that
he had jaundice. However his health seemed unimpaired so far, and
looking at his noble, clear-skinned countenance which had grown fattish
of late, Pyotr Petrovitch for an instant was positively comforted in the
conviction that he would find another bride and, perhaps, even a better
one. But coming back to the sense of his present position, he turned
aside and spat vigorously, which excited a sarcastic smile in Andrey
Semyonovitch Lebeziatnikov, the young friend with whom he was staying.
That smile Pyotr Petrovitch noticed, and at once set it down against his
young friend's account. He had set down a good many points against him
of late. His anger was redoubled when he reflected that he ought not to
have told Andrey Semyonovitch about the result of yesterday's interview.
That was the second mistake he had made in temper, through impulsiveness
and irritability.... Moreover, all that morning one unpleasantness
followed another. He even found a hitch awaiting him in his legal case
in the senate. He was particularly irritated by the owner of the flat
which had been taken in view of his approaching marriage and was being
redecorated at his own expense; the owner, a rich German tradesman,
would not entertain the idea of breaking the contract which had just
been signed and insisted on the full forfeit money, though Pyotr
Petrovitch would be giving him back the flat practically redecorated. In
the same way the upholsterers refused to return a single rouble of the
instalment paid for the furniture purchased but not yet removed to the
flat.
"Am I to get married simply for the sake of
the furniture?" Pyotr Petrovitch ground his teeth and at the same
time once more he had a gleam of desperate hope. "Can all that be
really so irrevocably over? Is it no use to make another effort?"
The thought of Dounia sent a voluptuous pang through his heart. He
endured anguish at that moment, and if it had been possible to slay
Raskolnikov instantly by wishing it, Pyotr Petrovitch would promptly
have uttered the wish.
"It was my mistake, too, not to have given
them money," he thought, as he returned dejectedly to
Lebeziatnikov's room, "and why on earth was I such a Jew? It was
false economy! I meant to keep them without a penny so that they should
turn to me as their providence, and look at them! foo! If I'd spent some
fifteen hundred roubles on them for the trousseau and presents, on
knick-knacks, dressing-cases, jewellery, materials, and all that sort of
trash from Knopp's and the English shop, my position would have been
better and... stronger! They could not have refused me so easily! They
are the sort of people that would feel bound to return money and
presents if they broke it off; and they would find it hard to do it! And
their conscience would prick them: how can we dismiss a man who has
hitherto been so generous and delicate?.... H'm! I've made a
blunder."
And grinding his teeth again, Pyotr Petrovitch
called himself a fool—but not aloud, of course.
He returned home, twice as irritated and angry as
before. The preparations for the funeral dinner at Katerina Ivanovna's
excited his curiosity as he passed. He had heard about it the day
before; he fancied, indeed, that he had been invited, but absorbed in
his own cares he had paid no attention. Inquiring of Madame Lippevechsel
who was busy laying the table while Katerina Ivanovna was away at the
cemetery, he heard that the entertainment was to be a great affair, that
all the lodgers had been invited, among them some who had not known the
dead man, that even Andrey Semyonovitch Lebeziatnikov was invited in
spite of his previous quarrel with Katerina Ivanovna, that he, Pyotr
Petrovitch, was not only invited, but was eagerly expected as he was the
most important of the lodgers. Amalia Ivanovna herself had been invited
with great ceremony in spite of the recent unpleasantness, and so she
was very busy with preparations and was taking a positive pleasure in
them; she was moreover dressed up to the nines, all in new black silk,
and she was proud of it. All this suggested an idea to Pyotr Petrovitch
and he went into his room, or rather Lebeziatnikov's, somewhat
thoughtful. He had learnt that Raskolnikov was to be one of the guests.
Andrey Semyonovitch had been at home all the
morning. The attitude of Pyotr Petrovitch to this gentleman was strange,
though perhaps natural. Pyotr Petrovitch had despised and hated him from
the day he came to stay with him and at the same time he seemed somewhat
afraid of him. He had not come to stay with him on his arrival in
Petersburg simply from parsimony, though that had been perhaps his chief
object. He had heard of Andrey Semyonovitch, who had once been his ward,
as a leading young progressive who was taking an important part in
certain interesting circles, the doings of which were a legend in the
provinces. It had impressed Pyotr Petrovitch. These powerful omniscient
circles who despised everyone and showed everyone up had long inspired
in him a peculiar but quite vague alarm. He had not, of course, been
able to form even an approximate notion of what they meant. He, like
everyone, had heard that there were, especially in Petersburg,
progressives of some sort, nihilists and so on, and, like many people,
he exaggerated and distorted the significance of those words to an
absurd degree. What for many years past he had feared more than anything
was being shown up and this was the chief ground for his
continual uneasiness at the thought of transferring his business to
Petersburg. He was afraid of this as little children are sometimes
panic-stricken. Some years before, when he was just entering on his own
career, he had come upon two cases in which rather important personages
in the province, patrons of his, had been cruelly shown up. One instance
had ended in great scandal for the person attacked and the other had
very nearly ended in serious trouble. For this reason Pyotr Petrovitch
intended to go into the subject as soon as he reached Petersburg and, if
necessary, to anticipate contingencies by seeking the favour of
"our younger generation." He relied on Andrey Semyonovitch for
this and before his visit to Raskolnikov he had succeeded in picking up
some current phrases. He soon discovered that Andrey Semyonovitch was a
commonplace simpleton, but that by no means reassured Pyotr Petrovitch.
Even if he had been certain that all the progressives were fools like
him, it would not have allayed his uneasiness. All the doctrines, the
ideas, the systems, with which Andrey Semyonovitch pestered him had no
interest for him. He had his own object—he simply wanted to find out
at once what was happening here. Had these people any power or
not? Had he anything to fear from them? Would they expose any enterprise
of his? And what precisely was now the object of their attacks? Could he
somehow make up to them and get round them if they really were powerful?
Was this the thing to do or not? Couldn't he gain something through
them? In fact hundreds of questions presented themselves.
Andrey Semyonovitch was an anæmic, scrofulous
little man, with strangely flaxen mutton-chop whiskers of which he was
very proud. He was a clerk and had almost always something wrong with
his eyes. He was rather soft-hearted, but self-confident and sometimes
extremely conceited in speech, which had an absurd effect, incongruous
with his little figure. He was one of the lodgers most respected by
Amalia Ivanovna, for he did not get drunk and paid regularly for his
lodgings. Andrey Semyonovitch really was rather stupid; he attached
himself to the cause of progress and "our younger generation"
from enthusiasm. He was one of the numerous and varied legion of
dullards, of half-animate abortions, conceited, half-educated coxcombs,
who attach themselves to the idea most in fashion only to vulgarise it
and who caricature every cause they serve, however sincerely.
Though Lebeziatnikov was so good-natured, he, too,
was beginning to dislike Pyotr Petrovitch. This happened on both sides
unconsciously. However simple Andrey Semyonovitch might be, he began to
see that Pyotr Petrovitch was duping him and secretly despising him, and
that "he was not the right sort of man." He had tried
expounding to him the system of Fourier and the Darwinian theory, but of
late Pyotr Petrovitch began to listen too sarcastically and even to be
rude. The fact was he had begun instinctively to guess that
Lebeziatnikov was not merely a commonplace simpleton, but, perhaps, a
liar, too, and that he had no connections of any consequence even in his
own circle, but had simply picked things up third-hand; and that very
likely he did not even know much about his own work of propaganda, for
he was in too great a muddle. A fine person he would be to show anyone
up! It must be noted, by the way, that Pyotr Petrovitch had during those
ten days eagerly accepted the strangest praise from Andrey Semyonovitch;
he had not protested, for instance, when Andrey Semyonovitch belauded
him for being ready to contribute to the establishment of the new
"commune," or to abstain from christening his future children,
or to acquiesce if Dounia were to take a lover a month after marriage,
and so on. Pyotr Petrovitch so enjoyed hearing his own praises that he
did not disdain even such virtues when they were attributed to him.
Pyotr Petrovitch had had occasion that morning to
realise some five-per-cent bonds and now he sat down to the table and
counted over bundles of notes. Andrey Semyonovitch who hardly ever had
any money walked about the room pretending to himself to look at all
those bank notes with indifference and even contempt. Nothing would have
convinced Pyotr Petrovitch that Andrey Semyonovitch could really look on
the money unmoved, and the latter, on his side, kept thinking bitterly
that Pyotr Petrovitch was capable of entertaining such an idea about him
and was, perhaps, glad of the opportunity of teasing his young friend by
reminding him of his inferiority and the great difference between them.
He found him incredibly inattentive and irritable,
though he, Andrey Semyonovitch, began enlarging on his favourite
subject, the foundation of a new special "commune." The brief
remarks that dropped from Pyotr Petrovitch between the clicking of the
beads on the reckoning frame betrayed unmistakable and discourteous
irony. But the "humane" Andrey Semyonovitch ascribed Pyotr
Petrovitch's ill-humour to his recent breach with Dounia and he was
burning with impatience to discourse on that theme. He had something
progressive to say on the subject which might console his worthy friend
and "could not fail" to promote his development.
"There is some sort of festivity being
prepared at that... at the widow's, isn't there?" Pyotr Petrovitch
asked suddenly, interrupting Andrey Semyonovitch at the most interesting
passage.
"Why, don't you know? Why, I was telling you
last night what I think about all such ceremonies. And she invited you
too, I heard. You were talking to her yesterday..."
"I should never have expected that beggarly
fool would have spent on this feast all the money she got from that
other fool, Raskolnikov. I was surprised just now as I came through at
the preparations there, the wines! Several people are invited. It's
beyond everything!" continued Pyotr Petrovitch, who seemed to have
some object in pursuing the conversation. "What? You say I am asked
too? When was that? I don't remember. But I shan't go. Why should I? I
only said a word to her in passing yesterday of the possibility of her
obtaining a year's salary as a destitute widow of a government clerk. I
suppose she has invited me on that account, hasn't she? He-he-he!"
"I don't intend to go either," said
Lebeziatnikov.
"I should think not, after giving her a
thrashing! You might well hesitate, he-he!"
"Who thrashed? Whom?" cried
Lebeziatnikov, flustered and blushing.
"Why, you thrashed Katerina Ivanovna a month
ago. I heard so yesterday... so that's what your convictions amount
to... and the woman question, too, wasn't quite sound, he-he-he!"
and Pyotr Petrovitch, as though comforted, went back to clicking his
beads.
"It's all slander and nonsense!" cried
Lebeziatnikov, who was always afraid of allusions to the subject.
"It was not like that at all, it was quite different. You've heard
it wrong; it's a libel. I was simply defending myself. She rushed at me
first with her nails, she pulled out all my whiskers.... It's
permissable for anyone, I should hope, to defend himself and I never
allow anyone to use violence to me on principle, for it's an act of
despotism. What was I to do? I simply pushed her back."
"He-he-he!" Luzhin went on laughing
maliciously.
"You keep on like that because you are out of
humour yourself.... But that's nonsense and it has nothing, nothing
whatever to do with the woman question! You don't understand; I used to
think, indeed, that if women are equal to men in all respects, even in
strength (as is maintained now) there ought to be equality in that, too.
Of course, I reflected afterwards that such a question ought not really
to arise, for there ought not to be fighting and in the future society
fighting is unthinkable... and that it would be a queer thing to seek
for equality in fighting. I am not so stupid... though, of course, there
is fighting... there won't be later, but at present there is... confound
it! How muddled one gets with you! It's not on that account that I am
not going. I am not going on principle, not to take part in the
revolting convention of memorial dinners, that's why! Though, of course,
one might go to laugh at it.... I am sorry there won't be any priests at
it. I should certainly go if there were."
"Then you would sit down at another man's
table and insult it and those who invited you. Eh?"
"Certainly not insult, but protest. I should
do it with a good object. I might indirectly assist the cause of
enlightenment and propaganda. It's a duty of every man to work for
enlightenment and propaganda and the more harshly, perhaps, the better.
I might drop a seed, an idea.... And something might grow up from that
seed. How should I be insulting them? They might be offended at first,
but afterwards they'd see I'd done them a service. You know, Terebyeva
(who is in the community now) was blamed because when she left her
family and... devoted... herself, she wrote to her father and mother
that she wouldn't go on living conventionally and was entering on a free
marriage and it was said that that was too harsh, that she might have
spared them and have written more kindly. I think that's all nonsense
and there's no need of softness; on the contrary, what's wanted is
protest. Varents had been married seven years, she abandoned her two
children, she told her husband straight out in a letter: 'I have
realised that I cannot be happy with you. I can never forgive you that
you have deceived me by concealing from me that there is another
organisation of society by means of the communities. I have only lately
learned it from a great-hearted man to whom I have given myself and with
whom I am establishing a community. I speak plainly because I consider
it dishonest to deceive you. Do as you think best. Do not hope to get me
back, you are too late. I hope you will be happy.' That's how letters
like that ought to be written!"
"Is that Terebyeva the one you said had made
a third free marriage?"
"No, it's only the second, really! But what
if it were the fourth, what if it were the fifteenth, that's all
nonsense! And if ever I regretted the death of my father and mother, it
is now, and I sometimes think if my parents were living what a protest I
would have aimed at them! I would have done something on purpose... I
would have shown them! I would have astonished them! I am really sorry
there is no one!"
"To surprise! He-he! Well, be that as you
will," Pyotr Petrovitch interrupted, "but tell me this; do you
know the dead man's daughter, the delicate-looking little thing? It's
true what they say about her, isn't it?"
"What of it? I think, that is, it is my own
personal conviction that this is the normal condition of women. Why not?
I mean, distinguons. In our present society it is not altogether
normal, because it is compulsory, but in the future society it will be
perfectly normal, because it will be voluntary. Even as it is, she was
quite right: she was suffering and that was her asset, so to speak, her
capital which she had a perfect right to dispose of. Of course, in the
future society there will be no need of assets, but her part will have
another significance, rational and in harmony with her environment. As
to Sofya Semyonovna personally, I regard her action as a vigorous
protest against the organisation of society, and I respect her deeply
for it; I rejoice indeed when I look at her!"
"I was told that you got her turned out of
these lodgings."
Lebeziatnikov was enraged.
"That's another slander," he yelled.
"It was not so at all! That was all Katerina Ivanovna's invention,
for she did not understand! And I never made love to Sofya Semyonovna! I
was simply developing her, entirely disinterestedly, trying to rouse her
to protest.... All I wanted was her protest and Sofya Semyonovna could
not have remained here anyway!"
"Have you asked her to join your
community?"
"You keep on laughing and very
inappropriately, allow me to tell you. You don't understand! There is no
such rôle in a community. The community is established that there
should be no such rôles. In a community, such a rôle is essentially
transformed and what is stupid here is sensible there, what, under
present conditions, is unnatural becomes perfectly natural in the
community. It all depends on the environment. It's all the environment
and man himself is nothing. And I am on good terms with Sofya Semyonovna
to this day, which is a proof that she never regarded me as having
wronged her. I am trying now to attract her to the community, but on
quite, quite a different footing. What are you laughing at? We are
trying to establish a community of our own, a special one, on a broader
basis. We have gone further in our convictions. We reject more! And
meanwhile I'm still developing Sofya Semyonovna. She has a beautiful,
beautiful character!"
"And you take advantage of her fine
character, eh? He-he!"
"No, no! Oh, no! On the contrary."
"Oh, on the contrary! He-he-he! A queer thing
to say!"
"Believe me! Why should I disguise it? In
fact, I feel it strange myself how timid, chaste and modern she is with
me!"
"And you, of course, are developing her...
he-he! trying to prove to her that all that modesty is nonsense?"
"Not at all, not at all! How coarsely, how
stupidly—excuse me saying so—you misunderstand the word development!
Good heavens, how... crude you still are! We are striving for the
freedom of women and you have only one idea in your head.... Setting
aside the general question of chastity and feminine modesty as useless
in themselves and indeed prejudices, I fully accept her chastity with
me, because that's for her to decide. Of course if she were to tell me
herself that she wanted me, I should think myself very lucky, because I
like the girl very much; but as it is, no one has ever treated her more
courteously than I, with more respect for her dignity... I wait in
hopes, that's all!"
"You had much better make her a present of
something. I bet you never thought of that."
"You don't understand, as I've told you
already! Of course, she is in such a position, but it's another
question. Quite another question! You simply despise her. Seeing a fact
which you mistakenly consider deserving of contempt, you refuse to take
a humane view of a fellow creature. You don't know what a character she
is! I am only sorry that of late she has quite given up reading and
borrowing books. I used to lend them to her. I am sorry, too, that with
all the energy and resolution in protesting—which she has already
shown once—she has little self-reliance, little, so to say,
independence, so as to break free from certain prejudices and certain
foolish ideas. Yet she thoroughly understands some questions, for
instance about kissing of hands, that is, that it's an insult to a woman
for a man to kiss her hand, because it's a sign of inequality. We had a
debate about it and I described it to her. She listened attentively to
an account of the workmen's associations in France, too. Now I am
explaining the question of coming into the room in the future
society."
"And what's that, pray?"
"We had a debate lately on the question: Has
a member of the community the right to enter another member's room,
whether man or woman, at any time... and we decided that he has!"
"It might be at an inconvenient moment,
he-he!"
Lebeziatnikov was really angry.
"You are always thinking of something
unpleasant," he cried with aversion. "Tfoo! How vexed I am
that when I was expounding our system, I referred prematurely to the
question of personal privacy! It's always a stumbling-block to people
like you, they turn it into ridicule before they understand it. And how
proud they are of it, too! Tfoo! I've often maintained that that
question should not be approached by a novice till he has a firm faith
in the system. And tell me, please, what do you find so shameful even in
cesspools? I should be the first to be ready to clean out any cesspool
you like. And it's not a question of self-sacrifice, it's simply work,
honourable, useful work which is as good as any other and much better
than the work of a Raphael and a Pushkin, because it is more
useful."
"And more honourable, more honourable,
he-he-he!"
"What do you mean by 'more honourable'? I
don't understand such expressions to describe human activity. 'More
honourable,' 'nobler'—all those are old-fashioned prejudices which I
reject. Everything which is of use to mankind is honourable. I
only understand one word: useful! You can snigger as much as you
like, but that's so!"
Pyotr Petrovitch laughed heartily. He had finished
counting the money and was putting it away. But some of the notes he
left on the table. The "cesspool question" had already been a
subject of dispute between them. What was absurd was that it made
Lebeziatnikov really angry, while it amused Luzhin and at that moment he
particularly wanted to anger his young friend.
"It's your ill-luck yesterday that makes you
so ill-humoured and annoying," blurted out Lebeziatnikov, who in
spite of his "independence" and his "protests" did
not venture to oppose Pyotr Petrovitch and still behaved to him with
some of the respect habitual in earlier years.
"You'd better tell me this," Pyotr
Petrovitch interrupted with haughty displeasure, "can you... or
rather are you really friendly enough with that young person to ask her
to step in here for a minute? I think they've all come back from the
cemetery... I heard the sound of steps... I want to see her, that young
person."
"What for?" Lebeziatnikov asked with
surprise.
"Oh, I want to. I am leaving here to-day or
to-morrow and therefore I wanted to speak to her about... However, you
may be present during the interview. It's better you should be, indeed.
For there's no knowing what you might imagine."
"I shan't imagine anything. I only asked and,
if you've anything to say to her, nothing is easier than to call her in.
I'll go directly and you may be sure I won't be in your way."
Five minutes later Lebeziatnikov came in with
Sonia. She came in very much surprised and overcome with shyness as
usual. She was always shy in such circumstances and was always afraid of
new people, she had been as a child and was even more so now.... Pyotr
Petrovitch met her "politely and affably," but with a certain
shade of bantering familiarity which in his opinion was suitable for a
man of his respectability and weight in dealing with a creature so young
and so interesting as she. He hastened to "reassure"
her and made her sit down facing him at the table. Sonia sat down,
looked about her—at Lebeziatnikov, at the notes lying on the table and
then again at Pyotr Petrovitch and her eyes remained riveted on him.
Lebeziatnikov was moving to the door. Pyotr Petrovitch signed to Sonia
to remain seated and stopped Lebeziatnikov.
"Is Raskolnikov in there? Has he come?"
he asked him in a whisper.
"Raskolnikov? Yes. Why? Yes, he is there. I
saw him just come in.... Why?"
"Well, I particularly beg you to remain here
with us and not to leave me alone with this... young woman. I only want
a few words with her, but God knows what they may make of it. I
shouldn't like Raskolnikov to repeat anything.... You understand what I
mean?"
"I understand!" Lebeziatnikov saw the
point. "Yes, you are right.... Of course, I am convinced personally
that you have no reason to be uneasy, but... still, you are right.
Certainly I'll stay. I'll stand here at the window and not be in your
way... I think you are right..."
Pyotr Petrovitch returned to the sofa, sat down
opposite Sonia, looked attentively at her and assumed an extremely
dignified, even severe expression, as much as to say, "don't you
make any mistake, madam." Sonia was overwhelmed with embarrassment.
"In the first place, Sofya Semyonovna, will
you make my excuses to your respected mamma.... That's right, isn't it?
Katerina Ivanovna stands in the place of a mother to you?" Pyotr
Petrovitch began with great dignity, though affably.
It was evident that his intentions were friendly.
"Quite so, yes; the place of a mother,"
Sonia answered, timidly and hurriedly.
"Then will you make my apologies to her?
Through inevitable circumstances I am forced to be absent and shall not
be at the dinner in spite of your mamma's kind invitation."
"Yes... I'll tell her... at once."
And Sonia hastily jumped up from her seat.
"Wait, that's not all," Pyotr Petrovitch
detained her, smiling at her simplicity and ignorance of good manners,
"and you know me little, my dear Sofya Semyonovna, if you suppose I
would have ventured to trouble a person like you for a matter of so
little consequence affecting myself only. I have another object."
Sonia sat down hurriedly. Her eyes rested again
for an instant on the grey-and-rainbow-coloured notes that remained on
the table, but she quickly looked away and fixed her eyes on Pyotr
Petrovitch. She felt it horribly indecorous, especially for her,
to look at another person's money. She stared at the gold eye-glass
which Pyotr Petrovitch held in his left hand and at the massive and
extremely handsome ring with a yellow stone on his middle finger. But
suddenly she looked away and, not knowing where to turn, ended by
staring Pyotr Petrovitch again straight in the face. After a pause of
still greater dignity he continued.
"I chanced yesterday in passing to exchange a
couple of words with Katerina Ivanovna, poor woman. That was sufficient
to enable me to ascertain that she is in a position—preternatural, if
one may so express it."
"Yes... preternatural..." Sonia
hurriedly assented.
"Or it would be simpler and more
comprehensible to say, ill."
"Yes, simpler and more comprehen... yes,
ill."
"Quite so. So then from a feeling of humanity
and so to speak compassion, I should be glad to be of service to her in
any way, foreseeing her unfortunate position. I believe the whole of
this poverty-stricken family depends now entirely on you?"
"Allow me to ask," Sonia rose to her
feet, "did you say something to her yesterday of the possibility of
a pension? Because she told me you had undertaken to get her one. Was
that true?"
"Not in the slightest, and indeed it's an
absurdity! I merely hinted at her obtaining temporary assistance as the
widow of an official who had died in the service—if only she has
patronage... but apparently your late parent had not served his full
term and had not indeed been in the service at all of late. In fact, if
there could be any hope, it would be very ephemeral, because there would
be no claim for assistance in that case, far from it.... And she is
dreaming of a pension already, he-he-he!... A go-ahead lady!"
"Yes, she is. For she is credulous and
good-hearted, and she believes everything from the goodness of her heart
and... and... and she is like that... yes... You must excuse her,"
said Sonia, and again she got up to go.
"But you haven't heard what I have to
say."
"No, I haven't heard," muttered Sonia.
"Then sit down." She was terribly
confused; she sat down again a third time.
"Seeing her position with her unfortunate
little ones, I should be glad, as I have said before, so far as lies in
my power, to be of service, that is, so far as is in my power, not more.
One might for instance get up a subscription for her, or a lottery,
something of the sort, such as is always arranged in such cases by
friends or even outsiders desirous of assisting people. It was of that I
intended to speak to you; it might be done."
"Yes, yes... God will repay you for it,"
faltered Sonia, gazing intently at Pyotr Petrovitch.
"It might be, but we will talk of it later.
We might begin it to-day, we will talk it over this evening and lay the
foundation so to speak. Come to me at seven o'clock. Mr. Lebeziatnikov,
I hope, will assist us. But there is one circumstance of which I ought
to warn you beforehand and for which I venture to trouble you, Sofya
Semyonovna, to come here. In my opinion money cannot be, indeed it's
unsafe to put it into Katerina Ivanovna's own hands. The dinner to-day
is a proof of that. Though she has not, so to speak, a crust of bread
for to-morrow and... well, boots or shoes, or anything; she has bought
to-day Jamaica rum, and even, I believe, Madeira and... and coffee. I
saw it as I passed through. To-morrow it will all fall upon you again,
they won't have a crust of bread. It's absurd, really, and so, to my
thinking, a subscription ought to be raised so that the unhappy widow
should not know of the money, but only you, for instance. Am I
right?"
"I don't know... this is only to-day, once in
her life.... She was so anxious to do honour, to celebrate the
memory.... And she is very sensible... but just as you think and I shall
be very, very... they will all be... and God will reward... and the
orphans..."
Sonia burst into tears.
"Very well, then, keep it in mind; and now
will you accept for the benefit of your relation the small sum that I am
able to spare, from me personally. I am very anxious that my name should
not be mentioned in connection with it. Here... having so to speak
anxieties of my own, I cannot do more..."
And Pyotr Petrovitch held out to Sonia a
ten-rouble note carefully unfolded. Sonia took it, flushed crimson,
jumped up, muttered something and began taking leave. Pyotr Petrovitch
accompanied her ceremoniously to the door. She got out of the room at
last, agitated and distressed, and returned to Katerina Ivanovna,
overwhelmed with confusion.
All this time Lebeziatnikov had stood at the
window or walked about the room, anxious not to interrupt the
conversation; when Sonia had gone he walked up to Pyotr Petrovitch and
solemnly held out his hand.
"I heard and saw everything," he
said, laying stress on the last verb. "That is honourable, I mean
to say, it's humane! You wanted to avoid gratitude, I saw! And although
I cannot, I confess, in principle sympathise with private charity, for
it not only fails to eradicate the evil but even promotes it, yet I must
admit that I saw your action with pleasure—yes, yes, I like it."
"That's all nonsense," muttered Pyotr
Petrovitch, somewhat disconcerted, looking carefully at Lebeziatnikov.
"No, it's not nonsense! A man who has
suffered distress and annoyance as you did yesterday and who yet can
sympathise with the misery of others, such a man... even though he is
making a social mistake—is still deserving of respect! I did not
expect it indeed of you, Pyotr Petrovitch, especially as according to
your ideas... oh, what a drawback your ideas are to you! How distressed
you are for instance by your ill-luck yesterday," cried the
simple-hearted Lebeziatnikov, who felt a return of affection for Pyotr
Petrovitch. "And, what do you want with marriage, with legal
marriage, my dear, noble Pyotr Petrovitch? Why do you cling to this legality
of marriage? Well, you may beat me if you like, but I am glad,
positively glad it hasn't come off, that you are free, that you are not
quite lost for humanity.... you see, I've spoken my mind!"
"Because I don't want in your free marriage
to be made a fool of and to bring up another man's children, that's why
I want legal marriage," Luzhin replied in order to make some
answer.
He seemed preoccupied by something.
"Children? You referred to children,"
Lebeziatnikov started off like a warhorse at the trumpet call.
"Children are a social question and a question of first importance,
I agree; but the question of children has another solution. Some refuse
to have children altogether, because they suggest the institution of the
family. We'll speak of children later, but now as to the question of
honour, I confess that's my weak point. That horrid, military, Pushkin
expression is unthinkable in the dictionary of the future. What does it
mean indeed? It's nonsense, there will be no deception in a free
marriage! That is only the natural consequence of a legal marriage, so
to say, its corrective, a protest. So that indeed it's not
humiliating... and if I ever, to suppose an absurdity, were to be
legally married, I should be positively glad of it. I should say to my
wife: 'My dear, hitherto I have loved you, now I respect you, for you've
shown you can protest!' You laugh! That's because you are of incapable
of getting away from prejudices. Confound it all! I understand now where
the unpleasantness is of being deceived in a legal marriage, but it's
simply a despicable consequence of a despicable position in which both
are humiliated. When the deception is open, as in a free marriage, then
it does not exist, it's unthinkable. Your wife will only prove how she
respects you by considering you incapable of opposing her happiness and
avenging yourself on her for her new husband. Damn it all! I sometimes
dream if I were to be married, pfoo! I mean if I were to marry, legally
or not, it's just the same, I should present my wife with a lover if she
had not found one for herself. 'My dear,' I should say, 'I love you, but
even more than that I desire you to respect me. See!' Am I not
right?"
Pyotr Petrovitch sniggered as he listened, but
without much merriment. He hardly heard it indeed. He was preoccupied
with something else and even Lebeziatnikov at last noticed it. Pyotr
Petrovitch seemed excited and rubbed his hands. Lebeziatnikov remembered
all this and reflected upon it afterwards.
CHAPTER II
It would be difficult to explain exactly what
could have originated the idea of that senseless dinner in Katerina
Ivanovna's disordered brain. Nearly ten of the twenty roubles, given by
Raskolnikov for Marmeladov's funeral, were wasted upon it. Possibly
Katerina Ivanovna felt obliged to honour the memory of the deceased
"suitably," that all the lodgers, and still more Amalia
Ivanovna, might know "that he was in no way their inferior, and
perhaps very much their superior," and that no one had the right
"to turn up his nose at him." Perhaps the chief element was
that peculiar "poor man's pride," which compels many poor
people to spend their last savings on some traditional social ceremony,
simply in order to do "like other people," and not to "be
looked down upon." It is very probable, too, that Katerina Ivanovna
longed on this occasion, at the moment when she seemed to be abandoned
by everyone, to show those "wretched contemptible lodgers"
that she knew "how to do things, how to entertain" and that
she had been brought up "in a genteel, she might almost say
aristocratic colonel's family" and had not been meant for sweeping
floors and washing the children's rags at night. Even the poorest and
most broken-spirited people are sometimes liable to these paroxysms of
pride and vanity which take the form of an irresistible nervous craving.
And Katerina Ivanovna was not broken-spirited; she might have been
killed by circumstance, but her spirit could not have been broken, that
is, she could not have been intimidated, her will could not be crushed.
Moreover Sonia had said with good reason that her mind was unhinged. She
could not be said to be insane, but for a year past she had been so
harassed that her mind might well be overstrained. The later stages of
consumption are apt, doctors tell us, to affect the intellect.
There was no great variety of wines, nor was there
Madeira; but wine there was. There was vodka, rum and Lisbon wine, all
of the poorest quality but in sufficient quantity. Besides the
traditional rice and honey, there were three or four dishes, one of
which consisted of pancakes, all prepared in Amalia Ivanovna's kitchen.
Two samovars were boiling, that tea and punch might be offered after
dinner. Katerina Ivanovna had herself seen to purchasing the provisions,
with the help of one of the lodgers, an unfortunate little Pole who had
somehow been stranded at Madame Lippevechsel's. He promptly put himself
at Katerina Ivanovna's disposal and had been all that morning and all
the day before running about as fast as his legs could carry him, and
very anxious that everyone should be aware of it. For every trifle he
ran to Katerina Ivanovna, even hunting her out at the bazaar, at every
instant called her "Pani." She was heartily sick of him
before the end, though she had declared at first that she could not have
got on without this "serviceable and magnanimous man." It was
one of Katerina Ivanovna's characteristics to paint everyone she met in
the most glowing colours. Her praises were so exaggerated as sometimes
to be embarrassing; she would invent various circumstances to the credit
of her new acquaintance and quite genuinely believe in their reality.
Then all of a sudden she would be disillusioned and would rudely and
contemptuously repulse the person she had only a few hours before been
literally adoring. She was naturally of a gay, lively and peace-loving
disposition, but from continual failures and misfortunes she had come to
desire so keenly that all should live in peace and joy and should
not dare to break the peace, that the slightest jar, the smallest
disaster reduced her almost to frenzy, and she would pass in an instant
from the brightest hopes and fancies to cursing her fate and raving, and
knocking her head against the wall.
Amalia Ivanovna, too, suddenly acquired
extraordinary importance in Katerina Ivanovna's eyes and was treated by
her with extraordinary respect, probably only because Amalia Ivanovna
had thrown herself heart and soul into the preparations. She had
undertaken to lay the table, to provide the linen, crockery, etc., and
to cook the dishes in her kitchen, and Katerina Ivanovna had left it all
in her hands and gone herself to the cemetery. Everything had been well
done. Even the table-cloth was nearly clean; the crockery, knives, forks
and glasses were, of course, of all shapes and patterns, lent by
different lodgers, but the table was properly laid at the time fixed,
and Amalia Ivanovna, feeling she had done her work well, had put on a
black silk dress and a cap with new mourning ribbons and met the
returning party with some pride. This pride, though justifiable,
displeased Katerina Ivanovna for some reason: "as though the table
could not have been laid except by Amalia Ivanovna!" She disliked
the cap with new ribbons, too. "Could she be stuck up, the stupid
German, because she was mistress of the house, and had consented as a
favour to help her poor lodgers! As a favour! Fancy that! Katerina
Ivanovna's father who had been a colonel and almost a governor had
sometimes had the table set for forty persons, and then anyone like
Amalia Ivanovna, or rather Ludwigovna, would not have been allowed into
the kitchen."
Katerina Ivanovna, however, put off expressing her
feelings for the time and contented herself with treating her coldly,
though she decided inwardly that she would certainly have to put Amalia
Ivanovna down and set her in her proper place, for goodness only knew
what she was fancying herself. Katerina Ivanovna was irritated too by
the fact that hardly any of the lodgers invited had come to the funeral,
except the Pole who had just managed to run into the cemetery, while to
the memorial dinner the poorest and most insignificant of them had
turned up, the wretched creatures, many of them not quite sober. The
older and more respectable of them all, as if by common consent, stayed
away. Pyotr Petrovitch Luzhin, for instance, who might be said to be the
most respectable of all the lodgers, did not appear, though Katerina
Ivanovna had the evening before told all the world, that is Amalia
Ivanovna, Polenka, Sonia and the Pole, that he was the most generous,
noble-hearted man with a large property and vast connections, who had
been a friend of her first husband's, and a guest in her father's house,
and that he had promised to use all his influence to secure her a
considerable pension. It must be noted that when Katerina Ivanovna
exalted anyone's connections and fortune, it was without any ulterior
motive, quite disinterestedly, for the mere pleasure of adding to the
consequence of the person praised. Probably "taking his cue"
from Luzhin, "that contemptible wretch Lebeziatnikov had not turned
up either. What did he fancy himself? He was only asked out of kindness
and because he was sharing the same room with Pyotr Petrovitch and was a
friend of his, so that it would have been awkward not to invite
him."
Among those who failed to appear were "the
genteel lady and her old-maidish daughter," who had only been
lodgers in the house for the last fortnight, but had several times
complained of the noise and uproar in Katerina Ivanovna's room,
especially when Marmeladov had come back drunk. Katerina Ivanovna heard
this from Amalia Ivanovna who, quarrelling with Katerina Ivanovna, and
threatening to turn the whole family out of doors, had shouted at her
that they "were not worth the foot" of the honourable lodgers
whom they were disturbing. Katerina Ivanovna determined now to invite
this lady and her daughter, "whose foot she was not worth,"
and who had turned away haughtily when she casually met them, so that
they might know that "she was more noble in her thoughts and
feelings and did not harbour malice," and might see that she was
not accustomed to her way of living. She had proposed to make this clear
to them at dinner with allusions to her late father's governorship, and
also at the same time to hint that it was exceedingly stupid of them to
turn away on meeting her. The fat colonel-major (he was really a
discharged officer of low rank) was also absent, but it appeared that he
had been "not himself" for the last two days. The party
consisted of the Pole, a wretched looking clerk with a spotty face and a
greasy coat, who had not a word to say for himself, and smelt
abominably, a deaf and almost blind old man who had once been in the
post office and who had been from immemorial ages maintained by someone
at Amalia Ivanovna's.
A retired clerk of the commissariat department
came, too; he was drunk, had a loud and most unseemly laugh and only
fancy—was without a waistcoat! One of the visitors sat straight down
to the table without even greeting Katerina Ivanovna. Finally one person
having no suit appeared in his dressing-gown, but this was too much, and
the efforts of Amalia Ivanovna and the Pole succeeded in removing him.
The Pole brought with him, however, two other Poles who did not live at
Amalia Ivanovna's and whom no one had seen here before. All this
irritated Katerina Ivanovna intensely. "For whom had they made all
these preparations then?" To make room for the visitors the
children had not even been laid for at the table; but the two little
ones were sitting on a bench in the furthest corner with their dinner
laid on a box, while Polenka as a big girl had to look after them, feed
them, and keep their noses wiped like well-bred children's.
Katerina Ivanovna, in fact, could hardly help
meeting her guests with increased dignity, and even haughtiness. She
stared at some of them with special severity, and loftily invited them
to take their seats. Rushing to the conclusion that Amalia Ivanovna must
be responsible for those who were absent, she began treating her with
extreme nonchalance, which the latter promptly observed and resented.
Such a beginning was no good omen for the end. All were seated at last.
Raskolnikov came in almost at the moment of their
return from the cemetery. Katerina Ivanovna was greatly delighted to see
him, in the first place, because he was the one "educated visitor,
and, as everyone knew, was in two years to take a professorship in the
university," and secondly because he immediately and respectfully
apologised for having been unable to be at the funeral. She positively
pounced upon him, and made him sit on her left hand (Amalia Ivanovna was
on her right). In spite of her continual anxiety that the dishes should
be passed round correctly and that everyone should taste them, in spite
of the agonising cough which interrupted her every minute and seemed to
have grown worse during the last few days, she hastened to pour out in a
half whisper to Raskolnikov all her suppressed feelings and her just
indignation at the failure of the dinner, interspersing her remarks with
lively and uncontrollable laughter at the expense of her visitors and
especially of her landlady.
"It's all that cuckoo's fault! You know whom
I mean? Her, her!" Katerina Ivanovna nodded towards the landlady.
"Look at her, she's making round eyes, she feels that we are
talking about her and can't understand. Pfoo, the owl! Ha-ha!
(Cough-cough-cough.) And what does she put on that cap for?
(Cough-cough-cough.) Have you noticed that she wants everyone to
consider that she is patronising me and doing me an honour by being
here? I asked her like a sensible woman to invite people, especially
those who knew my late husband, and look at the set of fools she has
brought! The sweeps! Look at that one with the spotty face. And those
wretched Poles, ha-ha-ha! (Cough-cough-cough.) Not one of them has ever
poked his nose in here, I've never set eyes on them. What have they come
here for, I ask you? There they sit in a row. Hey, pan!" she
cried suddenly to one of them, "have you tasted the pancakes? Take
some more! Have some beer! Won't you have some vodka? Look, he's jumped
up and is making his bows, they must be quite starved, poor things.
Never mind, let them eat! They don't make a noise, anyway, though I'm
really afraid for our landlady's silver spoons... Amalia Ivanovna!"
she addressed her suddenly, almost aloud, "if your spoons should
happen to be stolen, I won't be responsible, I warn you! Ha-ha-ha!"
She laughed turning to Raskolnikov, and again nodding towards the
landlady, in high glee at her sally. "She didn't understand, she
didn't understand again! Look how she sits with her mouth open! An owl,
a real owl! An owl in new ribbons, ha-ha-ha!"
Here her laugh turned again to an insufferable fit
of coughing that lasted five minutes. Drops of perspiration stood out on
her forehead and her handkerchief was stained with blood. She showed
Raskolnikov the blood in silence, and as soon as she could get her
breath began whispering to him again with extreme animation and a hectic
flush on her cheeks.
"Do you know, I gave her the most delicate
instructions, so to speak, for inviting that lady and her daughter, you
understand of whom I am speaking? It needed the utmost delicacy, the
greatest nicety, but she has managed things so that that fool, that
conceited baggage, that provincial nonentity, simply because she is the
widow of a major, and has come to try and get a pension and to fray out
her skirts in the government offices, because at fifty she paints her
face (everybody knows it)... a creature like that did not think fit to
come, and has not even answered the invitation, which the most ordinary
good manners required! I can't understand why Pyotr Petrovitch has not
come? But where's Sonia? Where has she gone? Ah, there she is at last!
what is it, Sonia, where have you been? It's odd that even at your
father's funeral you should be so unpunctual. Rodion Romanovitch, make
room for her beside you. That's your place, Sonia... take what you like.
Have some of the cold entrée with jelly, that's the best. They'll bring
the pancakes directly. Have they given the children some? Polenka, have
you got everything? (Cough-cough-cough.) That's all right. Be a good
girl, Lida, and, Kolya, don't fidget with your feet; sit like a little
gentleman. What are you saying, Sonia?"
Sonia hastened to give her Pyotr Petrovitch's
apologies, trying to speak loud enough for everyone to hear and
carefully choosing the most respectful phrases which she attributed to
Pyotr Petrovitch. She added that Pyotr Petrovitch had particularly told
her to say that, as soon as he possibly could, he would come immediately
to discuss business alone with her and to consider what could be
done for her, etc., etc.
Sonia knew that this would comfort Katerina
Ivanovna, would flatter her and gratify her pride. She sat down beside
Raskolnikov; she made him a hurried bow, glancing curiously at him. But
for the rest of the time she seemed to avoid looking at him or speaking
to him. She seemed absent-minded, though she kept looking at Katerina
Ivanovna, trying to please her. Neither she nor Katerina Ivanovna had
been able to get mourning; Sonia was wearing dark brown, and Katerina
Ivanovna had on her only dress, a dark striped cotton one.
The message from Pyotr Petrovitch was very
successful. Listening to Sonia with dignity, Katerina Ivanovna inquired
with equal dignity how Pyotr Petrovitch was, then at once whispered
almost aloud to Raskolnikov that it certainly would have been strange
for a man of Pyotr Petrovitch's position and standing to find himself in
such "extraordinary company," in spite of his devotion to her
family and his old friendship with her father.
"That's why I am so grateful to you, Rodion
Romanovitch, that you have not disdained my hospitality, even in such
surroundings," she added almost aloud. "But I am sure that it
was only your special affection for my poor husband that has made you
keep your promise."
Then once more with pride and dignity she scanned
her visitors, and suddenly inquired aloud across the table of the deaf
man: "Wouldn't he have some more meat, and had he been given some
wine?" The old man made no answer and for a long while could not
understand what he was asked, though his neighbours amused themselves by
poking and shaking him. He simply gazed about him with his mouth open,
which only increased the general mirth.
"What an imbecile! Look, look! Why was he
brought? But as to Pyotr Petrovitch, I always had confidence in
him," Katerina Ivanovna continued, "and, of course, he is not
like..." with an extremely stern face she addressed Amalia Ivanovna
so sharply and loudly that the latter was quite disconcerted, "not
like your dressed up draggletails whom my father would not have taken as
cooks into his kitchen, and my late husband would have done them honour
if he had invited them in the goodness of his heart."
"Yes, he was fond of drink, he was fond of
it, he did drink!" cried the commissariat clerk, gulping down his
twelfth glass of vodka.
"My late husband certainly had that weakness,
and everyone knows it," Katerina Ivanovna attacked him at once,
"but he was a kind and honourable man, who loved and respected his
family. The worst of it was his good nature made him trust all sorts of
disreputable people, and he drank with fellows who were not worth the
sole of his shoe. Would you believe it, Rodion Romanovitch, they found a
gingerbread cock in his pocket; he was dead drunk, but he did not forget
the children!"
"A cock? Did you say a cock?" shouted
the commissariat clerk.
Katerina Ivanovna did not vouchsafe a reply. She
sighed, lost in thought.
"No doubt you think, like everyone, that I
was too severe with him," she went on, addressing Raskolnikov.
"But that's not so! He respected me, he respected me very much! He
was a kind-hearted man! And how sorry I was for him sometimes! He would
sit in a corner and look at me, I used to feel so sorry for him, I used
to want to be kind to him and then would think to myself: 'Be kind to
him and he will drink again,' it was only by severity that you could
keep him within bounds."
"Yes, he used to get his hair pulled pretty
often," roared the commissariat clerk again, swallowing another
glass of vodka.
"Some fools would be the better for a good
drubbing, as well as having their hair pulled. I am not talking of my
late husband now!" Katerina Ivanovna snapped at him.
The flush on her cheeks grew more and more marked,
her chest heaved. In another minute she would have been ready to make a
scene. Many of the visitors were sniggering, evidently delighted. They
began poking the commissariat clerk and whispering something to him.
They were evidently trying to egg him on.
"Allow me to ask what are you alluding
to," began the clerk, "that is to say, whose... about whom...
did you say just now... But I don't care! That's nonsense! Widow! I
forgive you.... Pass!"
And he took another drink of vodka.
Raskolnikov sat in silence, listening with
disgust. He only ate from politeness, just tasting the food that
Katerina Ivanovna was continually putting on his plate, to avoid hurting
her feelings. He watched Sonia intently. But Sonia became more and more
anxious and distressed; she, too, foresaw that the dinner would not end
peaceably, and saw with terror Katerina Ivanovna's growing irritation.
She knew that she, Sonia, was the chief reason for the 'genteel' ladies'
contemptuous treatment of Katerina Ivanovna's invitation. She had heard
from Amalia Ivanovna that the mother was positively offended at the
invitation and had asked the question: "How could she let her
daughter sit down beside that young person?" Sonia had a
feeling that Katerina Ivanovna had already heard this and an insult to
Sonia meant more to Katerina Ivanovna than an insult to herself, her
children, or her father, Sonia knew that Katerina Ivanovna would not be
satisfied now, "till she had shown those draggletails that they
were both..." To make matters worse someone passed Sonia, from the
other end of the table, a plate with two hearts pierced with an arrow,
cut out of black bread. Katerina Ivanovna flushed crimson and at once
said aloud across the table that the man who sent it was "a drunken
ass!"
Amalia Ivanovna was foreseeing something amiss,
and at the same time deeply wounded by Katerina Ivanovna's haughtiness,
and to restore the good-humour of the company and raise herself in their
esteem she began, apropos of nothing, telling a story about an
acquaintance of hers "Karl from the chemist's," who was
driving one night in a cab, and that "the cabman wanted him to
kill, and Karl very much begged him not to kill, and wept and clasped
hands, and frightened and from fear pierced his heart." Though
Katerina Ivanovna smiled, she observed at once that Amalia Ivanovna
ought not to tell anecdotes in Russian; the latter was still more
offended, and she retorted that her "Vater aus Berlin was a
very important man, and always went with his hands in pockets."
Katerina Ivanovna could not restrain herself and laughed so much that
Amalia Ivanovna lost patience and could scarcely control herself.
"Listen to the owl!" Katerina Ivanovna
whispered at once, her good-humour almost restored, "she meant to
say he kept his hands in his pockets, but she said he put his hands in
people's pockets. (Cough-cough.) And have you noticed, Rodion
Romanovitch, that all these Petersburg foreigners, the Germans
especially, are all stupider than we! Can you fancy anyone of us telling
how 'Karl from the chemist's' 'pierced his heart from fear' and that the
idiot, instead of punishing the cabman, 'clasped his hands and wept, and
much begged.' Ah, the fool! And you know she fancies it's very touching
and does not suspect how stupid she is! To my thinking that drunken
commissariat clerk is a great deal cleverer, anyway one can see that he
has addled his brains with drink, but you know, these foreigners are
always so well behaved and serious.... Look how she sits glaring! She is
angry, ha-ha! (Cough-cough-cough.)"
Regaining her good-humour, Katerina Ivanovna began
at once telling Raskolnikov that when she had obtained her pension, she
intended to open a school for the daughters of gentlemen in her native
town T——. This was the first time she had spoken to him of the
project, and she launched out into the most alluring details. It
suddenly appeared that Katerina Ivanovna had in her hands the very
certificate of honour of which Marmeladov had spoken to Raskolnikov in
the tavern, when he told him that Katerina Ivanovna, his wife, had
danced the shawl dance before the governor and other great personages on
leaving school. This certificate of honour was obviously intended now to
prove Katerina Ivanovna's right to open a boarding-school; but she had
armed herself with it chiefly with the object of overwhelming
"those two stuck-up draggletails" if they came to the dinner,
and proving incontestably that Katerina Ivanovna was of the most noble,
"she might even say aristocratic family, a colonel's daughter and
was far superior to certain adventuresses who have been so much to the
fore of late." The certificate of honour immediately passed into
the hands of the drunken guests, and Katerina Ivanovna did not try to
retain it, for it actually contained the statement en toutes lettres,
that her father was of the rank of a major, and also a companion of an
order, so that she really was almost the daughter of a colonel.
Warming up, Katerina Ivanovna proceeded to enlarge
on the peaceful and happy life they would lead in T——, on the
gymnasium teachers whom she would engage to give lessons in her
boarding-school, one a most respectable old Frenchman, one Mangot, who
had taught Katerina Ivanovna herself in old days and was still living in
T——, and would no doubt teach in her school on moderate terms. Next
she spoke of Sonia who would go with her to T—— and help her in all
her plans. At this someone at the further end of the table gave a sudden
guffaw.
Though Katerina Ivanovna tried to appear to be
disdainfully unaware of it, she raised her voice and began at once
speaking with conviction of Sonia's undoubted ability to assist her, of
"her gentleness, patience, devotion, generosity and good
education," tapping Sonia on the cheek and kissing her warmly
twice. Sonia flushed crimson, and Katerina Ivanovna suddenly burst into
tears, immediately observing that she was "nervous and silly, that
she was too much upset, that it was time to finish, and as the dinner
was over, it was time to hand round the tea."
At that moment, Amalia Ivanovna, deeply aggrieved
at taking no part in the conversation, and not being listened to, made
one last effort, and with secret misgivings ventured on an exceedingly
deep and weighty observation, that "in the future boarding-school
she would have to pay particular attention to die Wäsche, and
that there certainly must be a good dame to look after the linen,
and secondly that the young ladies must not novels at night read."
Katerina Ivanovna, who certainly was upset and
very tired, as well as heartily sick of the dinner, at once cut short
Amalia Ivanovna, saying "she knew nothing about it and was talking
nonsense, that it was the business of the laundry maid, and not of the
directress of a high-class boarding-school to look after die Wäsche,
and as for novel-reading, that was simply rudeness, and she begged her
to be silent." Amalia Ivanovna fired up and getting angry observed
that she only "meant her good," and that "she had meant
her very good," and that "it was long since she had paid her gold
for the lodgings."
Katerina Ivanovna at once "set her
down," saying that it was a lie to say she wished her good, because
only yesterday when her dead husband was lying on the table, she had
worried her about the lodgings. To this Amalia Ivanovna very
appropriately observed that she had invited those ladies, but
"those ladies had not come, because those ladies are ladies
and cannot come to a lady who is not a lady." Katerina Ivanovna at
once pointed out to her, that as she was a slut she could not judge what
made one really a lady. Amalia Ivanovna at once declared that her "Vater
aus Berlin was a very, very important man, and both hands in pockets
went, and always used to say: 'Poof! poof!'" and she leapt up from
the table to represent her father, sticking her hands in her pockets,
puffing her cheeks, and uttering vague sounds resembling "poof!
poof!" amid loud laughter from all the lodgers, who purposely
encouraged Amalia Ivanovna, hoping for a fight.
But this was too much for Katerina Ivanovna, and
she at once declared, so that all could hear, that Amalia Ivanovna
probably never had a father, but was simply a drunken Petersburg Finn,
and had certainly once been a cook and probably something worse. Amalia
Ivanovna turned as red as a lobster and squealed that perhaps Katerina
Ivanovna never had a father, "but she had a Vater aus Berlin
and that he wore a long coat and always said poof-poof-poof!"
Katerina Ivanovna observed contemptuously that all
knew what her family was and that on that very certificate of honour it
was stated in print that her father was a colonel, while Amalia
Ivanovna's father—if she really had one—was probably some Finnish
milkman, but that probably she never had a father at all, since it was
still uncertain whether her name was Amalia Ivanovna or Amalia
Ludwigovna.
At this Amalia Ivanovna, lashed to fury, struck
the table with her fist, and shrieked that she was Amalia Ivanovna, and
not Ludwigovna, "that her Vater was named Johann and that he
was a burgomeister, and that Katerina Ivanovna's Vater was quite
never a burgomeister." Katerina Ivanovna rose from her chair, and
with a stern and apparently calm voice (though she was pale and her
chest was heaving) observed that "if she dared for one moment to
set her contemptible wretch of a father on a level with her papa, she,
Katerina Ivanovna, would tear her cap off her head and trample it under
foot." Amalia Ivanovna ran about the room, shouting at the top of
her voice, that she was mistress of the house and that Katerina Ivanovna
should leave the lodgings that minute; then she rushed for some reason
to collect the silver spoons from the table. There was a great outcry
and uproar, the children began crying. Sonia ran to restrain Katerina
Ivanovna, but when Amalia Ivanovna shouted something about "the
yellow ticket," Katerina Ivanovna pushed Sonia away, and rushed at
the landlady to carry out her threat.
At that minute the door opened, and Pyotr
Petrovitch Luzhin appeared on the threshold. He stood scanning the party
with severe and vigilant eyes. Katerina Ivanovna rushed to him.
CHAPTER III
"Pyotr Petrovitch," she cried,
"protect me... you at least! Make this foolish woman understand
that she can't behave like this to a lady in misfortune... that there is
a law for such things.... I'll go to the governor-general himself....
She shall answer for it.... Remembering my father's hospitality protect
these orphans."
"Allow me, madam.... Allow me." Pyotr
Petrovitch waved her off. "Your papa as you are well aware I had
not the honour of knowing" (someone laughed aloud) "and I do
not intend to take part in your everlasting squabbles with Amalia
Ivanovna.... I have come here to speak of my own affairs... and I want
to have a word with your stepdaughter, Sofya... Ivanovna, I think it is?
Allow me to pass."
Pyotr Petrovitch, edging by her, went to the
opposite corner where Sonia was.
Katerina Ivanovna remained standing where she was,
as though thunderstruck. She could not understand how Pyotr Petrovitch
could deny having enjoyed her father's hospitality. Though she had
invented it herself, she believed in it firmly by this time. She was
struck too by the businesslike, dry and even contemptuous menacing tone
of Pyotr Petrovitch. All the clamour gradually died away at his
entrance. Not only was this "serious business man" strikingly
incongruous with the rest of the party, but it was evident, too, that he
had come upon some matter of consequence, that some exceptional cause
must have brought him and that therefore something was going to happen.
Raskolnikov, standing beside Sonia, moved aside to let him pass; Pyotr
Petrovitch did not seem to notice him. A minute later Lebeziatnikov,
too, appeared in the doorway; he did not come in, but stood still,
listening with marked interest, almost wonder, and seemed for a time
perplexed.
"Excuse me for possibly interrupting you, but
it's a matter of some importance," Pyotr Petrovitch observed,
addressing the company generally. "I am glad indeed to find other
persons present. Amalia Ivanovna, I humbly beg you as mistress of the
house to pay careful attention to what I have to say to Sofya Ivanovna.
Sofya Ivanovna," he went on, addressing Sonia, who was very much
surprised and already alarmed, "immediately after your visit I
found that a hundred-rouble note was missing from my table, in the room
of my friend Mr. Lebeziatnikov. If in any way whatever you know and will
tell us where it is now, I assure you on my word of honour and call all
present to witness that the matter shall end there. In the opposite case
I shall be compelled to have recourse to very serious measures and
then... you must blame yourself."
Complete silence reigned in the room. Even the
crying children were still. Sonia stood deadly pale, staring at Luzhin
and unable to say a word. She seemed not to understand. Some seconds
passed.
"Well, how is it to be then?" asked
Luzhin, looking intently at her.
"I don't know.... I know nothing about
it," Sonia articulated faintly at last.
"No, you know nothing?" Luzhin repeated
and again he paused for some seconds. "Think a moment,
mademoiselle," he began severely, but still, as it were,
admonishing her. "Reflect, I am prepared to give you time for
consideration. Kindly observe this: if I were not so entirely convinced
I should not, you may be sure, with my experience venture to accuse you
so directly. Seeing that for such direct accusation before witnesses, if
false or even mistaken, I should myself in a certain sense be made
responsible, I am aware of that. This morning I changed for my own
purposes several five-per-cent securities for the sum of approximately
three thousand roubles. The account is noted down in my pocket-book. On
my return home I proceeded to count the money—as Mr. Lebeziatnikov
will bear witness—and after counting two thousand three hundred
roubles I put the rest in my pocket-book in my coat pocket. About five
hundred roubles remained on the table and among them three notes of a
hundred roubles each. At that moment you entered (at my
invitation)—and all the time you were present you were exceedingly
embarrassed; so that three times you jumped up in the middle of the
conversation and tried to make off. Mr. Lebeziatnikov can bear witness
to this. You yourself, mademoiselle, probably will not refuse to confirm
my statement that I invited you through Mr. Lebeziatnikov, solely in
order to discuss with you the hopeless and destitute position of your
relative, Katerina Ivanovna (whose dinner I was unable to attend), and
the advisability of getting up something of the nature of a
subscription, lottery or the like, for her benefit. You thanked me and
even shed tears. I describe all this as it took place, primarily to
recall it to your mind and secondly to show you that not the slightest
detail has escaped my recollection. Then I took a ten-rouble note from
the table and handed it to you by way of first instalment on my part for
the benefit of your relative. Mr. Lebeziatnikov saw all this. Then I
accompanied you to the door—you being still in the same state of
embarrassment—after which, being left alone with Mr. Lebeziatnikov I
talked to him for ten minutes—then Mr. Lebeziatnikov went out and I
returned to the table with the money lying on it, intending to count it
and to put it aside, as I proposed doing before. To my surprise one
hundred-rouble note had disappeared. Kindly consider the position. Mr.
Lebeziatnikov I cannot suspect. I am ashamed to allude to such a
supposition. I cannot have made a mistake in my reckoning, for the
minute before your entrance I had finished my accounts and found the
total correct. You will admit that recollecting your embarrassment, your
eagerness to get away and the fact that you kept your hands for some
time on the table, and taking into consideration your social position
and the habits associated with it, I was, so to say, with horror and
positively against my will, compelled to entertain a
suspicion—a cruel, but justifiable suspicion! I will add further and
repeat that in spite of my positive conviction, I realise that I run a
certain risk in making this accusation, but as you see, I could not let
it pass. I have taken action and I will tell you why: solely, madam,
solely, owing to your black ingratitude! Why! I invite you for the
benefit of your destitute relative, I present you with my donation of
ten roubles and you, on the spot, repay me for all that with such an
action. It is too bad! You need a lesson. Reflect! Moreover, like a true
friend I beg you—and you could have no better friend at this
moment—think what you are doing, otherwise I shall be immovable! Well,
what do you say?"
"I have taken nothing," Sonia whispered
in terror, "you gave me ten roubles, here it is, take it."
Sonia pulled her handkerchief out of her pocket,
untied a corner of it, took out the ten-rouble note and gave it to
Luzhin.
"And the hundred roubles you do not confess
to taking?" he insisted reproachfully, not taking the note.
Sonia looked about her. All were looking at her
with such awful, stern, ironical, hostile eyes. She looked at
Raskolnikov... he stood against the wall, with his arms crossed, looking
at her with glowing eyes.
"Good God!" broke from Sonia.
"Amalia Ivanovna, we shall have to send word
to the police and therefore I humbly beg you meanwhile to send for the
house porter," Luzhin said softly and even kindly.
"Gott der Barmherzige! I knew she was
the thief," cried Amalia Ivanovna, throwing up her hands.
"You knew it?" Luzhin caught her up,
"then I suppose you had some reason before this for thinking so. I
beg you, worthy Amalia Ivanovna, to remember your words which have been
uttered before witnesses."
There was a buzz of loud conversation on all
sides. All were in movement.
"What!" cried Katerina Ivanovna,
suddenly realising the position, and she rushed at Luzhin. "What!
You accuse her of stealing? Sonia? Ah, the wretches, the wretches!"
And running to Sonia she flung her wasted arms
round her and held her as in a vise.
"Sonia! how dared you take ten roubles from
him? Foolish girl! Give it to me! Give me the ten roubles at
once—here!"
And snatching the note from Sonia, Katerina
Ivanovna crumpled it up and flung it straight into Luzhin's face. It hit
him in the eye and fell on the ground. Amalia Ivanovna hastened to pick
it up. Pyotr Petrovitch lost his temper.
"Hold that mad woman!" he shouted.
At that moment several other persons, besides
Lebeziatnikov, appeared in the doorway, among them the two ladies.
"What! Mad? Am I mad? Idiot!" shrieked
Katerina Ivanovna. "You are an idiot yourself, pettifogging lawyer,
base man! Sonia, Sonia take his money! Sonia a thief! Why, she'd give
away her last penny!" and Katerina Ivanovna broke into hysterical
laughter. "Did you ever see such an idiot?" she turned from
side to side. "And you too?" she suddenly saw the landlady,
"and you too, sausage eater, you declare that she is a thief, you
trashy Prussian hen's leg in a crinoline! She hasn't been out of this
room: she came straight from you, you wretch, and sat down beside me,
everyone saw her. She sat here, by Rodion Romanovitch. Search her! Since
she's not left the room, the money would have to be on her! Search her,
search her! But if you don't find it, then excuse me, my dear fellow,
you'll answer for it! I'll go to our Sovereign, to our Sovereign, to our
gracious Tsar himself, and throw myself at his feet, to-day, this
minute! I am alone in the world! They would let me in! Do you think they
wouldn't? You're wrong, I will get in! I will get in! You reckoned on
her meekness! You relied upon that! But I am not so submissive, let me
tell you! You've gone too far yourself. Search her, search her!"
And Katerina Ivanovna in a frenzy shook Luzhin and
dragged him towards Sonia.
"I am ready, I'll be responsible... but calm
yourself, madam, calm yourself. I see that you are not so submissive!...
Well, well, but as to that..." Luzhin muttered, "that ought to
be before the police... though indeed there are witnesses enough as it
is.... I am ready.... But in any case it's difficult for a man... on
account of her sex.... But with the help of Amalia Ivanovna... though,
of course, it's not the way to do things.... How is it to be done?"
"As you will! Let anyone who likes search
her!" cried Katerina Ivanovna. "Sonia, turn out your pockets!
See! Look, monster, the pocket is empty, here was her handkerchief! Here
is the other pocket, look! D'you see, d'you see?"
And Katerina Ivanovna turned—or rather
snatched—both pockets inside out. But from the right pocket a piece of
paper flew out and describing a parabola in the air fell at Luzhin's
feet. Everyone saw it, several cried out. Pyotr Petrovitch stooped down,
picked up the paper in two fingers, lifted it where all could see it and
opened it. It was a hundred-rouble note folded in eight. Pyotr
Petrovitch held up the note showing it to everyone.
"Thief! Out of my lodging. Police,
police!" yelled Amalia Ivanovna. "They must to Siberia be
sent! Away!"
Exclamations arose on all sides. Raskolnikov was
silent, keeping his eyes fixed on Sonia, except for an occasional rapid
glance at Luzhin. Sonia stood still, as though unconscious. She was
hardly able to feel surprise. Suddenly the colour rushed to her cheeks;
she uttered a cry and hid her face in her hands.
"No, it wasn't I! I didn't take it! I know
nothing about it," she cried with a heartrending wail, and she ran
to Katerina Ivanovna, who clasped her tightly in her arms, as though she
would shelter her from all the world.
"Sonia! Sonia! I don't believe it! You see, I
don't believe it!" she cried in the face of the obvious fact,
swaying her to and fro in her arms like a baby, kissing her face
continually, then snatching at her hands and kissing them, too,
"you took it! How stupid these people are! Oh dear! You are fools,
fools," she cried, addressing the whole room, "you don't know,
you don't know what a heart she has, what a girl she is! She take it,
she? She'd sell her last rag, she'd go barefoot to help you if you
needed it, that's what she is! She has the yellow passport because my
children were starving, she sold herself for us! Ah, husband, husband!
Do you see? Do you see? What a memorial dinner for you! Merciful
heavens! Defend her, why are you all standing still? Rodion Romanovitch,
why don't you stand up for her? Do you believe it, too? You are not
worth her little finger, all of you together! Good God! Defend her now,
at least!"
The wail of the poor, consumptive, helpless woman
seemed to produce a great effect on her audience. The agonised, wasted,
consumptive face, the parched blood-stained lips, the hoarse voice, the
tears unrestrained as a child's, the trustful, childish and yet
despairing prayer for help were so piteous that everyone seemed to feel
for her. Pyotr Petrovitch at any rate was at once moved to compassion.
"Madam, madam, this incident does not reflect
upon you!" he cried impressively, "no one would take upon
himself to accuse you of being an instigator or even an accomplice in
it, especially as you have proved her guilt by turning out her pockets,
showing that you had no previous idea of it. I am most ready, most ready
to show compassion, if poverty, so to speak, drove Sofya Semyonovna to
it, but why did you refuse to confess, mademoiselle? Were you afraid of
the disgrace? The first step? You lost your head, perhaps? One can quite
understand it.... But how could you have lowered yourself to such an
action? Gentlemen," he addressed the whole company,
"gentlemen! Compassionate and, so to say, commiserating these
people, I am ready to overlook it even now in spite of the personal
insult lavished upon me! And may this disgrace be a lesson to you for
the future," he said, addressing Sonia, "and I will carry the
matter no further. Enough!"
Pyotr Petrovitch stole a glance at Raskolnikov.
Their eyes met, and the fire in Raskolnikov's seemed ready to reduce him
to ashes. Meanwhile Katerina Ivanovna apparently heard nothing. She was
kissing and hugging Sonia like a madwoman. The children, too, were
embracing Sonia on all sides, and Polenka—though she did not fully
understand what was wrong—was drowned in tears and shaking with sobs,
as she hid her pretty little face, swollen with weeping, on Sonia's
shoulder.
"How vile!" a loud voice cried suddenly
in the doorway.
Pyotr Petrovitch looked round quickly.
"What vileness!" Lebeziatnikov repeated,
staring him straight in the face.
Pyotr Petrovitch gave a positive start—all
noticed it and recalled it afterwards. Lebeziatnikov strode into the
room.
"And you dared to call me as witness?"
he said, going up to Pyotr Petrovitch.
"What do you mean? What are you talking
about?" muttered Luzhin.
"I mean that you... are a slanderer, that's
what my words mean!" Lebeziatnikov said hotly, looking sternly at
him with his short-sighted eyes.
He was extremely angry. Raskolnikov gazed intently
at him, as though seizing and weighing each word. Again there was a
silence. Pyotr Petrovitch indeed seemed almost dumbfounded for the first
moment.
"If you mean that for me,..." he began,
stammering. "But what's the matter with you? Are you out of your
mind?"
"I'm in my mind, but you are a scoundrel! Ah,
how vile! I have heard everything. I kept waiting on purpose to
understand it, for I must own even now it is not quite logical.... What
you have done it all for I can't understand."
"Why, what have I done then? Give over
talking in your nonsensical riddles! Or maybe you are drunk!"
"You may be a drunkard, perhaps, vile man,
but I am not! I never touch vodka, for it's against my convictions.
Would you believe it, he, he himself, with his own hands gave Sofya
Semyonovna that hundred-rouble note—I saw it, I was a witness, I'll
take my oath! He did it, he!" repeated Lebeziatnikov, addressing
all.
"Are you crazy, milksop?" squealed
Luzhin. "She is herself before you—she herself here declared just
now before everyone that I gave her only ten roubles. How could I have
given it to her?"
"I saw it, I saw it," Lebeziatnikov
repeated, "and though it is against my principles, I am ready this
very minute to take any oath you like before the court, for I saw how
you slipped it in her pocket. Only like a fool I thought you did it out
of kindness! When you were saying good-bye to her at the door, while you
held her hand in one hand, with the other, the left, you slipped the
note into her pocket. I saw it, I saw it!"
Luzhin turned pale.
"What lies!" he cried impudently,
"why, how could you, standing by the window, see the note? You
fancied it with your short-sighted eyes. You are raving!"
"No, I didn't fancy it. And though I was
standing some way off, I saw it all. And though it certainly would be
hard to distinguish a note from the window—that's true—I knew for
certain that it was a hundred-rouble note, because, when you were going
to give Sofya Semyonovna ten roubles, you took up from the table a
hundred-rouble note (I saw it because I was standing near then, and an
idea struck me at once, so that I did not forget you had it in your
hand). You folded it and kept it in your hand all the time. I didn't
think of it again until, when you were getting up, you changed it from
your right hand to your left and nearly dropped it! I noticed it because
the same idea struck me again, that you meant to do her a kindness
without my seeing. You can fancy how I watched you and I saw how you
succeeded in slipping it into her pocket. I saw it, I saw it, I'll take
my oath."
Lebeziatnikov was almost breathless. Exclamations
arose on all hands chiefly expressive of wonder, but some were menacing
in tone. They all crowded round Pyotr Petrovitch. Katerina Ivanovna flew
to Lebeziatnikov.
"I was mistaken in you! Protect her! You are
the only one to take her part! She is an orphan. God has sent you!"
Katerina Ivanovna, hardly knowing what she was
doing, sank on her knees before him.
"A pack of nonsense!" yelled Luzhin,
roused to fury, "it's all nonsense you've been talking! 'An idea
struck you, you didn't think, you noticed'—what does it amount to? So
I gave it to her on the sly on purpose? What for? With what object? What
have I to do with this...?"
"What for? That's what I can't understand,
but that what I am telling you is the fact, that's certain! So far from
my being mistaken, you infamous criminal man, I remember how, on account
of it, a question occurred to me at once, just when I was thanking you
and pressing your hand. What made you put it secretly in her pocket? Why
you did it secretly, I mean? Could it be simply to conceal it from me,
knowing that my convictions are opposed to yours and that I do not
approve of private benevolence, which effects no radical cure? Well, I
decided that you really were ashamed of giving such a large sum before
me. Perhaps, too, I thought, he wants to give her a surprise, when she
finds a whole hundred-rouble note in her pocket. (For I know, some
benevolent people are very fond of decking out their charitable actions
in that way.) Then the idea struck me, too, that you wanted to test her,
to see whether, when she found it, she would come to thank you. Then,
too, that you wanted to avoid thanks and that, as the saying is, your
right hand should not know... something of that sort, in fact. I thought
of so many possibilities that I put off considering it, but still
thought it indelicate to show you that I knew your secret. But another
idea struck me again that Sofya Semyonovna might easily lose the money
before she noticed it, that was why I decided to come in here to call
her out of the room and to tell her that you put a hundred roubles in
her pocket. But on my way I went first to Madame Kobilatnikov's to take
them the 'General Treatise on the Positive Method' and especially to
recommend Piderit's article (and also Wagner's); then I come on here and
what a state of things I find! Now could I, could I, have all these
ideas and reflections if I had not seen you put the hundred-rouble note
in her pocket?"
When Lebeziatnikov finished his long-winded
harangue with the logical deduction at the end, he was quite tired, and
the perspiration streamed from his face. He could not, alas, even
express himself correctly in Russian, though he knew no other language,
so that he was quite exhausted, almost emaciated after this heroic
exploit. But his speech produced a powerful effect. He had spoken with
such vehemence, with such conviction that everyone obviously believed
him. Pyotr Petrovitch felt that things were going badly with him.
"What is it to do with me if silly ideas did
occur to you?" he shouted, "that's no evidence. You may have
dreamt it, that's all! And I tell you, you are lying, sir. You are lying
and slandering from some spite against me, simply from pique, because I
did not agree with your free-thinking, godless, social
propositions!"
But this retort did not benefit Pyotr Petrovitch.
Murmurs of disapproval were heard on all sides.
"Ah, that's your line now, is it!" cried
Lebeziatnikov, "that's nonsense! Call the police and I'll take my
oath! There's only one thing I can't understand: what made him risk such
a contemptible action. Oh, pitiful, despicable man!"
"I can explain why he risked such an action,
and if necessary, I, too, will swear to it," Raskolnikov said at
last in a firm voice, and he stepped forward.
He appeared to be firm and composed. Everyone felt
clearly, from the very look of him that he really knew about it and that
the mystery would be solved.
"Now I can explain it all to myself,"
said Raskolnikov, addressing Lebeziatnikov. "From the very
beginning of the business, I suspected that there was some scoundrelly
intrigue at the bottom of it. I began to suspect it from some special
circumstances known to me only, which I will explain at once to
everyone: they account for everything. Your valuable evidence has
finally made everything clear to me. I beg all, all to listen. This
gentleman (he pointed to Luzhin) was recently engaged to be married to a
young lady—my sister, Avdotya Romanovna Raskolnikov. But coming to
Petersburg he quarrelled with me, the day before yesterday, at our first
meeting and I drove him out of my room—I have two witnesses to prove
it. He is a very spiteful man.... The day before yesterday I did not
know that he was staying here, in your room, and that consequently on
the very day we quarrelled—the day before yesterday—he saw me give
Katerina Ivanovna some money for the funeral, as a friend of the late
Mr. Marmeladov. He at once wrote a note to my mother and informed her
that I had given away all my money, not to Katerina Ivanovna but to
Sofya Semyonovna, and referred in a most contemptible way to the...
character of Sofya Semyonovna, that is, hinted at the character of my
attitude to Sofya Semyonovna. All this you understand was with the
object of dividing me from my mother and sister, by insinuating that I
was squandering on unworthy objects the money which they had sent me and
which was all they had. Yesterday evening, before my mother and sister
and in his presence, I declared that I had given the money to Katerina
Ivanovna for the funeral and not to Sofya Semyonovna and that I had no
acquaintance with Sofya Semyonovna and had never seen her before,
indeed. At the same time I added that he, Pyotr Petrovitch Luzhin, with
all his virtues, was not worth Sofya Semyonovna's little finger, though
he spoke so ill of her. To his question—would I let Sofya Semyonovna
sit down beside my sister, I answered that I had already done so that
day. Irritated that my mother and sister were unwilling to quarrel with
me at his insinuations, he gradually began being unpardonably rude to
them. A final rupture took place and he was turned out of the house. All
this happened yesterday evening. Now I beg your special attention:
consider: if he had now succeeded in proving that Sofya Semyonovna was a
thief, he would have shown to my mother and sister that he was almost
right in his suspicions, that he had reason to be angry at my putting my
sister on a level with Sofya Semyonovna, that, in attacking me, he was
protecting and preserving the honour of my sister, his betrothed. In
fact he might even, through all this, have been able to estrange me from
my family, and no doubt he hoped to be restored to favour with them; to
say nothing of revenging himself on me personally, for he has grounds
for supposing that the honour and happiness of Sofya Semyonovna are very
precious to me. That was what he was working for! That's how I
understand it. That's the whole reason for it and there can be no
other!"
It was like this, or somewhat like this, that
Raskolnikov wound up his speech which was followed very attentively,
though often interrupted by exclamations from his audience. But in spite
of interruptions he spoke clearly, calmly, exactly, firmly. His decisive
voice, his tone of conviction and his stern face made a great impression
on everyone.
"Yes, yes, that's it," Lebeziatnikov
assented gleefully, "that must be it, for he asked me, as soon as
Sofya Semyonovna came into our room, whether you were here, whether I
had seen you among Katerina Ivanovna's guests. He called me aside to the
window and asked me in secret. It was essential for him that you should
be here! That's it, that's it!"
Luzhin smiled contemptuously and did not speak.
But he was very pale. He seemed to be deliberating on some means of
escape. Perhaps he would have been glad to give up everything and get
away, but at the moment this was scarcely possible. It would have
implied admitting the truth of the accusations brought against him.
Moreover, the company, which had already been excited by drink, was now
too much stirred to allow it. The commissariat clerk, though indeed he
had not grasped the whole position, was shouting louder than anyone and
was making some suggestions very unpleasant to Luzhin. But not all those
present were drunk; lodgers came in from all the rooms. The three Poles
were tremendously excited and were continually shouting at him:
"The pan is a lajdak!" and muttering threats in
Polish. Sonia had been listening with strained attention, though she too
seemed unable to grasp it all; she seemed as though she had just
returned to consciousness. She did not take her eyes off Raskolnikov,
feeling that all her safety lay in him. Katerina Ivanovna breathed hard
and painfully and seemed fearfully exhausted. Amalia Ivanovna stood
looking more stupid than anyone, with her mouth wide open, unable to
make out what had happened. She only saw that Pyotr Petrovitch had
somehow come to grief.
Raskolnikov was attempting to speak again, but
they did not let him. Everyone was crowding round Luzhin with threats
and shouts of abuse. But Pyotr Petrovitch was not intimidated. Seeing
that his accusation of Sonia had completely failed, he had recourse to
insolence:
"Allow me, gentlemen, allow me! Don't
squeeze, let me pass!" he said, making his way through the crowd.
"And no threats, if you please! I assure you it will be useless,
you will gain nothing by it. On the contrary, you'll have to answer,
gentlemen, for violently obstructing the course of justice. The thief
has been more than unmasked, and I shall prosecute. Our judges are not
so blind and... not so drunk, and will not believe the testimony of two
notorious infidels, agitators, and atheists, who accuse me from motives
of personal revenge which they are foolish enough to admit.... Yes,
allow me to pass!"
"Don't let me find a trace of you in my room!
Kindly leave at once, and everything is at an end between us! When I
think of the trouble I've been taking, the way I've been expounding...
all this fortnight!"
"I told you myself to-day that I was going,
when you tried to keep me; now I will simply add that you are a fool. I
advise you to see a doctor for your brains and your short sight. Let me
pass, gentlemen!"
He forced his way through. But the commissariat
clerk was unwilling to let him off so easily: he picked up a glass from
the table, brandished it in the air and flung it at Pyotr Petrovitch;
but the glass flew straight at Amalia Ivanovna. She screamed, and the
clerk, overbalancing, fell heavily under the table. Pyotr Petrovitch
made his way to his room and half an hour later had left the house.
Sonia, timid by nature, had felt before that day that she could be
ill-treated more easily than anyone, and that she could be wronged with
impunity. Yet till that moment she had fancied that she might escape
misfortune by care, gentleness and submissiveness before everyone. Her
disappointment was too great. She could, of course, bear with patience
and almost without murmur anything, even this. But for the first minute
she felt it too bitter. In spite of her triumph and her
justification—when her first terror and stupefaction had passed and
she could understand it all clearly—the feeling of her helplessness
and of the wrong done to her made her heart throb with anguish and she
was overcome with hysterical weeping. At last, unable to bear any more,
she rushed out of the room and ran home, almost immediately after
Luzhin's departure. When amidst loud laughter the glass flew at Amalia
Ivanovna, it was more than the landlady could endure. With a shriek she
rushed like a fury at Katerina Ivanovna, considering her to blame for
everything.
"Out of my lodgings! At once! Quick
march!"
And with these words she began snatching up
everything she could lay her hands on that belonged to Katerina
Ivanovna, and throwing it on the floor. Katerina Ivanovna, pale, almost
fainting, and gasping for breath, jumped up from the bed where she had
sunk in exhaustion and darted at Amalia Ivanovna. But the battle was too
unequal: the landlady waved her away like a feather.
"What! As though that godless calumny was not
enough—this vile creature attacks me! What! On the day of my husband's
funeral I am turned out of my lodging! After eating my bread and salt
she turns me into the street, with my orphans! Where am I to go?"
wailed the poor woman, sobbing and gasping. "Good God!" she
cried with flashing eyes, "is there no justice upon earth? Whom
should you protect if not us orphans? We shall see! There is law and
justice on earth, there is, I will find it! Wait a bit, godless
creature! Polenka, stay with the children, I'll come back. Wait for me,
if you have to wait in the street. We will see whether there is justice
on earth!"
And throwing over her head that green shawl which
Marmeladov had mentioned to Raskolnikov, Katerina Ivanovna squeezed her
way through the disorderly and drunken crowd of lodgers who still filled
the room, and, wailing and tearful, she ran into the street—with a
vague intention of going at once somewhere to find justice. Polenka with
the two little ones in her arms crouched, terrified, on the trunk in the
corner of the room, where she waited trembling for her mother to come
back. Amalia Ivanovna raged about the room, shrieking, lamenting and
throwing everything she came across on the floor. The lodgers talked
incoherently, some commented to the best of their ability on what had
happened, others quarrelled and swore at one another, while others
struck up a song....
"Now it's time for me to go," thought
Raskolnikov. "Well, Sofya Semyonovna, we shall see what you'll say
now!"
And he set off in the direction of Sonia's
lodgings.
CHAPTER IV
Raskolnikov had been a vigorous and active
champion of Sonia against Luzhin, although he had such a load of horror
and anguish in his own heart. But having gone through so much in the
morning, he found a sort of relief in a change of sensations, apart from
the strong personal feeling which impelled him to defend Sonia. He was
agitated too, especially at some moments, by the thought of his
approaching interview with Sonia: he had to tell her who had
killed Lizaveta. He knew the terrible suffering it would be to him and,
as it were, brushed away the thought of it. So when he cried as he left
Katerina Ivanovna's, "Well, Sofya Semyonovna, we shall see what
you'll say now!" he was still superficially excited, still vigorous
and defiant from his triumph over Luzhin. But, strange to say, by the
time he reached Sonia's lodging, he felt a sudden impotence and fear. He
stood still in hesitation at the door, asking himself the strange
question: "Must he tell her who killed Lizaveta?" It was a
strange question because he felt at the very time not only that he could
not help telling her, but also that he could not put off the telling. He
did not yet know why it must be so, he only felt it, and the
agonising sense of his impotence before the inevitable almost crushed
him. To cut short his hesitation and suffering, he quickly opened the
door and looked at Sonia from the doorway. She was sitting with her
elbows on the table and her face in her hands, but seeing Raskolnikov
she got up at once and came to meet him as though she were expecting
him.
"What would have become of me but for
you?" she said quickly, meeting him in the middle of the room.
Evidently she was in haste to say this to him. It
was what she had been waiting for.
Raskolnikov went to the table and sat down on the
chair from which she had only just risen. She stood facing him, two
steps away, just as she had done the day before.
"Well, Sonia?" he said, and felt that
his voice was trembling, "it was all due to 'your social position
and the habits associated with it.' Did you understand that just
now?"
Her face showed her distress.
"Only don't talk to me as you did
yesterday," she interrupted him. "Please don't begin it. There
is misery enough without that."
She made haste to smile, afraid that he might not
like the reproach.
"I was silly to come away from there. What is
happening there now? I wanted to go back directly, but I kept thinking
that... you would come."
He told her that Amalia Ivanovna was turning them
out of their lodging and that Katerina Ivanovna had run off somewhere
"to seek justice."
"My God!" cried Sonia, "let's go at
once...."
And she snatched up her cape.
"It's everlastingly the same thing!"
said Raskolnikov, irritably. "You've no thought except for them!
Stay a little with me."
"But... Katerina Ivanovna?"
"You won't lose Katerina Ivanovna, you may be
sure, she'll come to you herself since she has run out," he added
peevishly. "If she doesn't find you here, you'll be blamed for
it...."
Sonia sat down in painful suspense. Raskolnikov
was silent, gazing at the floor and deliberating.
"This time Luzhin did not want to prosecute
you," he began, not looking at Sonia, "but if he had wanted
to, if it had suited his plans, he would have sent you to prison if it
had not been for Lebeziatnikov and me. Ah?"
"Yes," she assented in a faint voice.
"Yes," she repeated, preoccupied and distressed.
"But I might easily not have been there. And
it was quite an accident Lebeziatnikov's turning up."
Sonia was silent.
"And if you'd gone to prison, what then? Do
you remember what I said yesterday?"
Again she did not answer. He waited.
"I thought you would cry out again 'don't
speak of it, leave off.'" Raskolnikov gave a laugh, but rather a
forced one. "What, silence again?" he asked a minute later.
"We must talk about something, you know. It would be interesting
for me to know how you would decide a certain 'problem' as Lebeziatnikov
would say." (He was beginning to lose the thread.) "No,
really, I am serious. Imagine, Sonia, that you had known all Luzhin's
intentions beforehand. Known, that is, for a fact, that they would be
the ruin of Katerina Ivanovna and the children and yourself thrown
in—since you don't count yourself for anything—Polenka too... for
she'll go the same way. Well, if suddenly it all depended on your
decision whether he or they should go on living, that is whether Luzhin
should go on living and doing wicked things, or Katerina Ivanovna should
die? How would you decide which of them was to die? I ask you?"
Sonia looked uneasily at him. There was something
peculiar in this hesitating question, which seemed approaching something
in a roundabout way.
"I felt that you were going to ask some
question like that," she said, looking inquisitively at him.
"I dare say you did. But how is it to be
answered?"
"Why do you ask about what could not
happen?" said Sonia reluctantly.
"Then it would be better for Luzhin to go on
living and doing wicked things? You haven't dared to decide even
that!"
"But I can't know the Divine Providence....
And why do you ask what can't be answered? What's the use of such
foolish questions? How could it happen that it should depend on my
decision—who has made me a judge to decide who is to live and who is
not to live?"
"Oh, if the Divine Providence is to be mixed
up in it, there is no doing anything," Raskolnikov grumbled
morosely.
"You'd better say straight out what you
want!" Sonia cried in distress. "You are leading up to
something again.... Can you have come simply to torture me?"
She could not control herself and began crying
bitterly. He looked at her in gloomy misery. Five minutes passed.
"Of course you're right, Sonia," he said
softly at last. He was suddenly changed. His tone of assumed arrogance
and helpless defiance was gone. Even his voice was suddenly weak.
"I told you yesterday that I was not coming to ask forgiveness and
almost the first thing I've said is to ask forgiveness.... I said that
about Luzhin and Providence for my own sake. I was asking forgiveness,
Sonia...."
He tried to smile, but there was something
helpless and incomplete in his pale smile. He bowed his head and hid his
face in his hands.
And suddenly a strange, surprising sensation of a
sort of bitter hatred for Sonia passed through his heart. As it were
wondering and frightened of this sensation, he raised his head and
looked intently at her; but he met her uneasy and painfully anxious eyes
fixed on him; there was love in them; his hatred vanished like a
phantom. It was not the real feeling; he had taken the one feeling for
the other. It only meant that that minute had come.
He hid his face in his hands again and bowed his
head. Suddenly he turned pale, got up from his chair, looked at Sonia,
and without uttering a word sat down mechanically on her bed.
His sensations that moment were terribly like the
moment when he had stood over the old woman with the axe in his hand and
felt that "he must not lose another minute."
"What's the matter?" asked Sonia,
dreadfully frightened.
He could not utter a word. This was not at all,
not at all the way he had intended to "tell" and he did not
understand what was happening to him now. She went up to him, softly,
sat down on the bed beside him and waited, not taking her eyes off him.
Her heart throbbed and sank. It was unendurable; he turned his deadly
pale face to her. His lips worked, helplessly struggling to utter
something. A pang of terror passed through Sonia's heart.
"What's the matter?" she repeated,
drawing a little away from him.
"Nothing, Sonia, don't be frightened.... It's
nonsense. It really is nonsense, if you think of it," he muttered,
like a man in delirium. "Why have I come to torture you?" he
added suddenly, looking at her. "Why, really? I keep asking myself
that question, Sonia...."
He had perhaps been asking himself that question a
quarter of an hour before, but now he spoke helplessly, hardly knowing
what he said and feeling a continual tremor all over.
"Oh, how you are suffering!" she
muttered in distress, looking intently at him.
"It's all nonsense.... Listen, Sonia."
He suddenly smiled, a pale helpless smile for two seconds. "You
remember what I meant to tell you yesterday?"
Sonia waited uneasily.
"I said as I went away that perhaps I was
saying good-bye for ever, but that if I came to-day I would tell you
who... who killed Lizaveta."
She began trembling all over.
"Well, here I've come to tell you."
"Then you really meant it yesterday?"
she whispered with difficulty. "How do you know?" she asked
quickly, as though suddenly regaining her reason.
Sonia's face grew paler and paler, and she
breathed painfully.
"I know."
She paused a minute.
"Have they found him?" she asked
timidly.
"No."
"Then how do you know about it?"
she asked again, hardly audibly and again after a minute's pause.
He turned to her and looked very intently at her.
"Guess," he said, with the same
distorted helpless smile.
A shudder passed over her.
"But you... why do you frighten me like
this?" she said, smiling like a child.
"I must be a great friend of his...
since I know," Raskolnikov went on, still gazing into her face, as
though he could not turn his eyes away. "He... did not mean to kill
that Lizaveta... he... killed her accidentally.... He meant to kill the
old woman when she was alone and he went there... and then Lizaveta came
in... he killed her too."
Another awful moment passed. Both still gazed at
one another.
"You can't guess, then?" he asked
suddenly, feeling as though he were flinging himself down from a
steeple.
"N-no..." whispered Sonia.
"Take a good look."
As soon as he had said this again, the same
familiar sensation froze his heart. He looked at her and all at once
seemed to see in her face the face of Lizaveta. He remembered clearly
the expression in Lizaveta's face, when he approached her with the axe
and she stepped back to the wall, putting out her hand, with childish
terror in her face, looking as little children do when they begin to be
frightened of something, looking intently and uneasily at what frightens
them, shrinking back and holding out their little hands on the point of
crying. Almost the same thing happened now to Sonia. With the same
helplessness and the same terror, she looked at him for a while and,
suddenly putting out her left hand, pressed her fingers faintly against
his breast and slowly began to get up from the bed, moving further from
him and keeping her eyes fixed even more immovably on him. Her terror
infected him. The same fear showed itself on his face. In the same way
he stared at her and almost with the same childish smile.
"Have you guessed?" he whispered at
last.
"Good God!" broke in an awful wail from
her bosom.
She sank helplessly on the bed with her face in
the pillows, but a moment later she got up, moved quickly to him, seized
both his hands and, gripping them tight in her thin fingers, began
looking into his face again with the same intent stare. In this last
desperate look she tried to look into him and catch some last hope. But
there was no hope; there was no doubt remaining; it was all true! Later
on, indeed, when she recalled that moment, she thought it strange and
wondered why she had seen at once that there was no doubt. She could not
have said, for instance, that she had foreseen something of the
sort—and yet now, as soon as he told her, she suddenly fancied that
she had really foreseen this very thing.
"Stop, Sonia, enough! don't torture me,"
he begged her miserably.
It was not at all, not at all like this he had
thought of telling her, but this is how it happened.
She jumped up, seeming not to know what she was
doing, and, wringing her hands, walked into the middle of the room; but
quickly went back and sat down again beside him, her shoulder almost
touching his. All of a sudden she started as though she had been
stabbed, uttered a cry and fell on her knees before him, she did not
know why.
"What have you done—what have you done to
yourself?" she said in despair, and, jumping up, she flung herself
on his neck, threw her arms round him, and held him tightly.
Raskolnikov drew back and looked at her with a
mournful smile.
"You are a strange girl, Sonia—you kiss me
and hug me when I tell you about that.... You don't think what you are
doing."
"There is no one—no one in the whole world
now so unhappy as you!" she cried in a frenzy, not hearing what he
said, and she suddenly broke into violent hysterical weeping.
A feeling long unfamiliar to him flooded his heart
and softened it at once. He did not struggle against it. Two tears
started into his eyes and hung on his eyelashes.
"Then you won't leave me, Sonia?" he
said, looking at her almost with hope.
"No, no, never, nowhere!" cried Sonia.
"I will follow you, I will follow you everywhere. Oh, my God! Oh,
how miserable I am!... Why, why didn't I know you before! Why didn't you
come before? Oh, dear!"
"Here I have come."
"Yes, now! What's to be done now?...
Together, together!" she repeated as it were unconsciously, and she
hugged him again. "I'll follow you to Siberia!"
He recoiled at this, and the same hostile, almost
haughty smile came to his lips.
"Perhaps I don't want to go to Siberia yet,
Sonia," he said.
Sonia looked at him quickly.
Again after her first passionate, agonising
sympathy for the unhappy man the terrible idea of the murder overwhelmed
her. In his changed tone she seemed to hear the murderer speaking. She
looked at him bewildered. She knew nothing as yet, why, how, with what
object it had been. Now all these questions rushed at once into her
mind. And again she could not believe it: "He, he is a murderer!
Could it be true?"
"What's the meaning of it? Where am I?"
she said in complete bewilderment, as though still unable to recover
herself. "How could you, you, a man like you.... How could you
bring yourself to it?... What does it mean?"
"Oh, well—to plunder. Leave off,
Sonia," he answered wearily, almost with vexation.
Sonia stood as though struck dumb, but suddenly
she cried:
"You were hungry! It was... to help your
mother? Yes?"
"No, Sonia, no," he muttered, turning
away and hanging his head. "I was not so hungry.... I certainly did
want to help my mother, but... that's not the real thing either....
Don't torture me, Sonia."
Sonia clasped her hands.
"Could it, could it all be true? Good God,
what a truth! Who could believe it? And how could you give away your
last farthing and yet rob and murder! Ah," she cried suddenly,
"that money you gave Katerina Ivanovna... that money.... Can that
money..."
"No, Sonia," he broke in hurriedly,
"that money was not it. Don't worry yourself! That money my mother
sent me and it came when I was ill, the day I gave it to you....
Razumihin saw it... he received it for me.... That money was mine—my
own."
Sonia listened to him in bewilderment and did her
utmost to comprehend.
"And that money.... I don't even know
really whether there was any money," he added softly, as though
reflecting. "I took a purse off her neck, made of chamois
leather... a purse stuffed full of something... but I didn't look in it;
I suppose I hadn't time.... And the things—chains and trinkets—I
buried under a stone with the purse next morning in a yard off the
V—— Prospect. They are all there now...."
Sonia strained every nerve to listen.
"Then why... why, you said you did it to rob,
but you took nothing?" she asked quickly, catching at a straw.
"I don't know.... I haven't yet decided
whether to take that money or not," he said, musing again; and,
seeming to wake up with a start, he gave a brief ironical smile.
"Ach, what silly stuff I am talking, eh?"
The thought flashed through Sonia's mind, wasn't
he mad? But she dismissed it at once. "No, it was something
else." She could make nothing of it, nothing.
"Do you know, Sonia," he said suddenly
with conviction, "let me tell you: if I'd simply killed because I
was hungry," laying stress on every word and looking enigmatically
but sincerely at her, "I should be happy now. You must
believe that! What would it matter to you," he cried a moment later
with a sort of despair, "what would it matter to you if I were to
confess that I did wrong? What do you gain by such a stupid triumph over
me? Ah, Sonia, was it for that I've come to you to-day?"
Again Sonia tried to say something, but did not
speak.
"I asked you to go with me yesterday because
you are all I have left."
"Go where?" asked Sonia timidly.
"Not to steal and not to murder, don't be
anxious," he smiled bitterly. "We are so different.... And you
know, Sonia, it's only now, only this moment that I understand where
I asked you to go with me yesterday! Yesterday when I said it I did not
know where. I asked you for one thing, I came to you for one thing—not
to leave me. You won't leave me, Sonia?"
She squeezed his hand.
"And why, why did I tell her? Why did I let
her know?" he cried a minute later in despair, looking with
infinite anguish at her. "Here you expect an explanation from me,
Sonia; you are sitting and waiting for it, I see that. But what can I
tell you? You won't understand and will only suffer misery... on my
account! Well, you are crying and embracing me again. Why do you do it?
Because I couldn't bear my burden and have come to throw it on another:
you suffer too, and I shall feel better! And can you love such a mean
wretch?"
"But aren't you suffering, too?" cried
Sonia.
Again a wave of the same feeling surged into his
heart, and again for an instant softened it.
"Sonia, I have a bad heart, take note of
that. It may explain a great deal. I have come because I am bad. There
are men who wouldn't have come. But I am a coward and... a mean wretch.
But... never mind! That's not the point. I must speak now, but I don't
know how to begin."
He paused and sank into thought.
"Ach, we are so different," he cried
again, "we are not alike. And why, why did I come? I shall never
forgive myself that."
"No, no, it was a good thing you came,"
cried Sonia. "It's better I should know, far better!"
He looked at her with anguish.
"What if it were really that?" he said,
as though reaching a conclusion. "Yes, that's what it was! I wanted
to become a Napoleon, that is why I killed her.... Do you understand
now?"
"N-no," Sonia whispered naïvely and
timidly. "Only speak, speak, I shall understand, I shall understand
in myself!" she kept begging him.
"You'll understand? Very well, we shall
see!" He paused and was for some time lost in meditation.
"It was like this: I asked myself one day
this question—what if Napoleon, for instance, had happened to be in my
place, and if he had not had Toulon nor Egypt nor the passage of Mont
Blanc to begin his career with, but instead of all those picturesque and
monumental things, there had simply been some ridiculous old hag, a
pawnbroker, who had to be murdered too to get money from her trunk (for
his career, you understand). Well, would he have brought himself to that
if there had been no other means? Wouldn't he have felt a pang at its
being so far from monumental and... and sinful, too? Well, I must tell
you that I worried myself fearfully over that 'question' so that I was
awfully ashamed when I guessed at last (all of a sudden, somehow) that
it would not have given him the least pang, that it would not even have
struck him that it was not monumental... that he would not have seen
that there was anything in it to pause over, and that, if he had had no
other way, he would have strangled her in a minute without thinking
about it! Well, I too... left off thinking about it... murdered her,
following his example. And that's exactly how it was! Do you think it
funny? Yes, Sonia, the funniest thing of all is that perhaps that's just
how it was."
Sonia did not think it at all funny.
"You had better tell me straight out...
without examples," she begged, still more timidly and scarcely
audibly.
He turned to her, looked sadly at her and took her
hands.
"You are right again, Sonia. Of course that's
all nonsense, it's almost all talk! You see, you know of course that my
mother has scarcely anything, my sister happened to have a good
education and was condemned to drudge as a governess. All their hopes
were centered on me. I was a student, but I couldn't keep myself at the
university and was forced for a time to leave it. Even if I had lingered
on like that, in ten or twelve years I might (with luck) hope to be some
sort of teacher or clerk with a salary of a thousand roubles" (he
repeated it as though it were a lesson) "and by that time my mother
would be worn out with grief and anxiety and I could not succeed in
keeping her in comfort while my sister... well, my sister might well
have fared worse! And it's a hard thing to pass everything by all one's
life, to turn one's back upon everything, to forget one's mother and
decorously accept the insults inflicted on one's sister. Why should one?
When one has buried them to burden oneself with others—wife and
children—and to leave them again without a farthing? So I resolved to
gain possession of the old woman's money and to use it for my first
years without worrying my mother, to keep myself at the university and
for a little while after leaving it—and to do this all on a broad,
thorough scale, so as to build up a completely new career and enter upon
a new life of independence.... Well... that's all.... Well, of course in
killing the old woman I did wrong.... Well, that's enough."
He struggled to the end of his speech in
exhaustion and let his head sink.
"Oh, that's not it, that's not it,"
Sonia cried in distress. "How could one... no, that's not right,
not right."
"You see yourself that it's not right. But
I've spoken truly, it's the truth."
"As though that could be the truth! Good
God!"
"I've only killed a louse, Sonia, a useless,
loathsome, harmful creature."
"A human being—a louse!"
"I too know it wasn't a louse," he
answered, looking strangely at her. "But I am talking nonsense,
Sonia," he added. "I've been talking nonsense a long time....
That's not it, you are right there. There were quite, quite other causes
for it! I haven't talked to anyone for so long, Sonia.... My head aches
dreadfully now."
His eyes shone with feverish brilliance. He was
almost delirious; an uneasy smile strayed on his lips. His terrible
exhaustion could be seen through his excitement. Sonia saw how he was
suffering. She too was growing dizzy. And he talked so strangely; it
seemed somehow comprehensible, but yet... "But how, how! Good
God!" And she wrung her hands in despair.
"No, Sonia, that's not it," he began
again suddenly, raising his head, as though a new and sudden train of
thought had struck and as it were roused him—"that's not it!
Better... imagine—yes, it's certainly better—imagine that I am vain,
envious, malicious, base, vindictive and... well, perhaps with a
tendency to insanity. (Let's have it all out at once! They've talked of
madness already, I noticed.) I told you just now I could not keep myself
at the university. But do you know that perhaps I might have done? My
mother would have sent me what I needed for the fees and I could have
earned enough for clothes, boots and food, no doubt. Lessons had turned
up at half a rouble. Razumihin works! But I turned sulky and wouldn't.
(Yes, sulkiness, that's the right word for it!) I sat in my room like a
spider. You've been in my den, you've seen it.... And do you know,
Sonia, that low ceilings and tiny rooms cramp the soul and the mind? Ah,
how I hated that garret! And yet I wouldn't go out of it! I wouldn't on
purpose! I didn't go out for days together, and I wouldn't work, I
wouldn't even eat, I just lay there doing nothing. If Nastasya brought
me anything, I ate it, if she didn't, I went all day without; I wouldn't
ask, on purpose, from sulkiness! At night I had no light, I lay in the
dark and I wouldn't earn money for candles. I ought to have studied, but
I sold my books; and the dust lies an inch thick on the notebooks on my
table. I preferred lying still and thinking. And I kept thinking.... And
I had dreams all the time, strange dreams of all sorts, no need to
describe! Only then I began to fancy that... No, that's not it! Again I
am telling you wrong! You see I kept asking myself then: why am I so
stupid that if others are stupid—and I know they are—yet I won't be
wiser? Then I saw, Sonia, that if one waits for everyone to get wiser it
will take too long.... Afterwards I understood that that would never
come to pass, that men won't change and that nobody can alter it and
that it's not worth wasting effort over it. Yes, that's so. That's the
law of their nature, Sonia,... that's so!... And I know now, Sonia, that
whoever is strong in mind and spirit will have power over them. Anyone
who is greatly daring is right in their eyes. He who despises most
things will be a lawgiver among them and he who dares most of all will
be most in the right! So it has been till now and so it will always be.
A man must be blind not to see it!"
Though Raskolnikov looked at Sonia as he said
this, he no longer cared whether she understood or not. The fever had
complete hold of him; he was in a sort of gloomy ecstasy (he certainly
had been too long without talking to anyone). Sonia felt that his gloomy
creed had become his faith and code.
"I divined then, Sonia," he went on
eagerly, "that power is only vouchsafed to the man who dares to
stoop and pick it up. There is only one thing, one thing needful: one
has only to dare! Then for the first time in my life an idea took shape
in my mind which no one had ever thought of before me, no one! I saw
clear as daylight how strange it is that not a single person living in
this mad world has had the daring to go straight for it all and send it
flying to the devil! I... I wanted to have the daring... and I
killed her. I only wanted to have the daring, Sonia! That was the whole
cause of it!"
"Oh hush, hush," cried Sonia, clasping
her hands. "You turned away from God and God has smitten you, has
given you over to the devil!"
"Then Sonia, when I used to lie there in the
dark and all this became clear to me, was it a temptation of the devil,
eh?"
"Hush, don't laugh, blasphemer! You don't
understand, you don't understand! Oh God! He won't understand!"
"Hush, Sonia! I am not laughing. I know
myself that it was the devil leading me. Hush, Sonia, hush!" he
repeated with gloomy insistence. "I know it all, I have thought it
all over and over and whispered it all over to myself, lying there in
the dark.... I've argued it all over with myself, every point of it, and
I know it all, all! And how sick, how sick I was then of going over it
all! I have kept wanting to forget it and make a new beginning, Sonia,
and leave off thinking. And you don't suppose that I went into it
headlong like a fool? I went into it like a wise man, and that was just
my destruction. And you mustn't suppose that I didn't know, for
instance, that if I began to question myself whether I had the right to
gain power—I certainly hadn't the right—or that if I asked myself
whether a human being is a louse it proved that it wasn't so for me,
though it might be for a man who would go straight to his goal without
asking questions.... If I worried myself all those days, wondering
whether Napoleon would have done it or not, I felt clearly of course
that I wasn't Napoleon. I had to endure all the agony of that battle of
ideas, Sonia, and I longed to throw it off: I wanted to murder without
casuistry, to murder for my own sake, for myself alone! I didn't want to
lie about it even to myself. It wasn't to help my mother I did the
murder—that's nonsense—I didn't do the murder to gain wealth and
power and to become a benefactor of mankind. Nonsense! I simply did it;
I did the murder for myself, for myself alone, and whether I became a
benefactor to others, or spent my life like a spider catching men in my
web and sucking the life out of men, I couldn't have cared at that
moment.... And it was not the money I wanted, Sonia, when I did it. It
was not so much the money I wanted, but something else.... I know it all
now.... Understand me! Perhaps I should never have committed a murder
again. I wanted to find out something else; it was something else led me
on. I wanted to find out then and quickly whether I was a louse like
everybody else or a man. Whether I can step over barriers or not,
whether I dare stoop to pick up or not, whether I am a trembling
creature or whether I have the right..."
"To kill? Have the right to kill?" Sonia
clasped her hands.
"Ach, Sonia!" he cried irritably and
seemed about to make some retort, but was contemptuously silent.
"Don't interrupt me, Sonia. I want to prove one thing only, that
the devil led me on then and he has shown me since that I had not the
right to take that path, because I am just such a louse as all the rest.
He was mocking me and here I've come to you now! Welcome your guest! If
I were not a louse, should I have come to you? Listen: when I went then
to the old woman's I only went to try.... You may be sure of
that!"
"And you murdered her!"
"But how did I murder her? Is that how men do
murders? Do men go to commit a murder as I went then? I will tell you
some day how I went! Did I murder the old woman? I murdered myself, not
her! I crushed myself once for all, for ever.... But it was the devil
that killed that old woman, not I. Enough, enough, Sonia, enough! Let me
be!" he cried in a sudden spasm of agony, "let me be!"
He leaned his elbows on his knees and squeezed his
head in his hands as in a vise.
"What suffering!" A wail of anguish
broke from Sonia.
"Well, what am I to do now?" he asked,
suddenly raising his head and looking at her with a face hideously
distorted by despair.
"What are you to do?" she cried, jumping
up, and her eyes that had been full of tears suddenly began to shine.
"Stand up!" (She seized him by the shoulder, he got up,
looking at her almost bewildered.) "Go at once, this very minute,
stand at the cross-roads, bow down, first kiss the earth which you have
defiled and then bow down to all the world and say to all men aloud, 'I
am a murderer!' Then God will send you life again. Will you go, will you
go?" she asked him, trembling all over, snatching his two hands,
squeezing them tight in hers and gazing at him with eyes full of fire.
He was amazed at her sudden ecstasy.
"You mean Siberia, Sonia? I must give myself
up?" he asked gloomily.
"Suffer and expiate your sin by it, that's
what you must do."
"No! I am not going to them, Sonia!"
"But how will you go on living? What will you
live for?" cried Sonia, "how is it possible now? Why, how can
you talk to your mother? (Oh, what will become of them now?) But what am
I saying? You have abandoned your mother and your sister already. He has
abandoned them already! Oh, God!" she cried, "why, he knows it
all himself. How, how can he live by himself! What will become of you
now?"
"Don't be a child, Sonia," he said
softly. "What wrong have I done them? Why should I go to them? What
should I say to them? That's only a phantom.... They destroy men by
millions themselves and look on it as a virtue. They are knaves and
scoundrels, Sonia! I am not going to them. And what should I say to
them—that I murdered her, but did not dare to take the money and hid
it under a stone?" he added with a bitter smile. "Why, they
would laugh at me, and would call me a fool for not getting it. A coward
and a fool! They wouldn't understand and they don't deserve to
understand. Why should I go to them? I won't. Don't be a child,
Sonia...."
"It will be too much for you to bear, too
much!" she repeated, holding out her hands in despairing
supplication.
"Perhaps I've been unfair to myself," he
observed gloomily, pondering, "perhaps after all I am a man and not
a louse and I've been in too great a hurry to condemn myself. I'll make
another fight for it."
A haughty smile appeared on his lips.
"What a burden to bear! And your whole life,
your whole life!"
"I shall get used to it," he said grimly
and thoughtfully. "Listen," he began a minute later,
"stop crying, it's time to talk of the facts: I've come to tell you
that the police are after me, on my track...."
"Ach!" Sonia cried in terror.
"Well, why do you cry out? You want me to go
to Siberia and now you are frightened? But let me tell you: I shall not
give myself up. I shall make a struggle for it and they won't do
anything to me. They've no real evidence. Yesterday I was in great
danger and believed I was lost; but to-day things are going better. All
the facts they know can be explained two ways, that's to say I can turn
their accusations to my credit, do you understand? And I shall, for I've
learnt my lesson. But they will certainly arrest me. If it had not been
for something that happened, they would have done so to-day for certain;
perhaps even now they will arrest me to-day.... But that's no matter,
Sonia; they'll let me out again... for there isn't any real proof
against me, and there won't be, I give you my word for it. And they
can't convict a man on what they have against me. Enough.... I only tell
you that you may know.... I will try to manage somehow to put it to my
mother and sister so that they won't be frightened.... My sister's
future is secure, however, now, I believe... and my mother's must be
too.... Well, that's all. Be careful, though. Will you come and see me
in prison when I am there?"
"Oh, I will, I will."
They sat side by side, both mournful and dejected,
as though they had been cast up by the tempest alone on some deserted
shore. He looked at Sonia and felt how great was her love for him, and
strange to say he felt it suddenly burdensome and painful to be so
loved. Yes, it was a strange and awful sensation! On his way to see
Sonia he had felt that all his hopes rested on her; he expected to be
rid of at least part of his suffering, and now, when all her heart
turned towards him, he suddenly felt that he was immeasurably unhappier
than before.
"Sonia," he said, "you'd better not
come and see me when I am in prison."
Sonia did not answer, she was crying. Several
minutes passed.
"Have you a cross on you?" she asked, as
though suddenly thinking of it.
He did not at first understand the question.
"No, of course not. Here, take this one, of
cypress wood. I have another, a copper one that belonged to Lizaveta. I
changed with Lizaveta: she gave me her cross and I gave her my little
ikon. I will wear Lizaveta's now and give you this. Take it... it's
mine! It's mine, you know," she begged him. "We will go to
suffer together, and together we will bear our cross!"
"Give it me," said Raskolnikov.
He did not want to hurt her feelings. But
immediately he drew back the hand he held out for the cross.
"Not now, Sonia. Better later," he added
to comfort her.
"Yes, yes, better," she repeated with
conviction, "when you go to meet your suffering, then put it on.
You will come to me, I'll put it on you, we will pray and go
together."
At that moment someone knocked three times at the
door.
"Sofya Semyonovna, may I come in?" they
heard in a very familiar and polite voice.
Sonia rushed to the door in a fright. The flaxen
head of Mr. Lebeziatnikov appeared at the door.
CHAPTER V
Lebeziatnikov looked perturbed.
"I've come to you, Sofya Semyonovna," he
began. "Excuse me... I thought I should find you," he said,
addressing Raskolnikov suddenly, "that is, I didn't mean
anything... of that sort... But I just thought... Katerina Ivanovna has
gone out of her mind," he blurted out suddenly, turning from
Raskolnikov to Sonia.
Sonia screamed.
"At least it seems so. But... we don't know
what to do, you see! She came back—she seems to have been turned out
somewhere, perhaps beaten.... So it seems at least,... She had run to
your father's former chief, she didn't find him at home: he was dining
at some other general's.... Only fancy, she rushed off there, to the
other general's, and, imagine, she was so persistent that she managed to
get the chief to see her, had him fetched out from dinner, it seems. You
can imagine what happened. She was turned out, of course; but, according
to her own story, she abused him and threw something at him. One may
well believe it.... How it is she wasn't taken up, I can't understand!
Now she is telling everyone, including Amalia Ivanovna; but it's
difficult to understand her, she is screaming and flinging herself
about.... Oh yes, she shouts that since everyone has abandoned her, she
will take the children and go into the street with a barrel-organ, and
the children will sing and dance, and she too, and collect money, and
will go every day under the general's window... 'to let everyone see
well-born children, whose father was an official, begging in the
street.' She keeps beating the children and they are all crying. She is
teaching Lida to sing 'My Village,' the boy to dance, Polenka the same.
She is tearing up all the clothes, and making them little caps like
actors; she means to carry a tin basin and make it tinkle, instead of
music.... She won't listen to anything.... Imagine the state of things!
It's beyond anything!"
Lebeziatnikov would have gone on, but Sonia, who
had heard him almost breathless, snatched up her cloak and hat, and ran
out of the room, putting on her things as she went. Raskolnikov followed
her and Lebeziatnikov came after him.
"She has certainly gone mad!" he said to
Raskolnikov, as they went out into the street. "I didn't want to
frighten Sofya Semyonovna, so I said 'it seemed like it,' but there
isn't a doubt of it. They say that in consumption the tubercles
sometimes occur in the brain; it's a pity I know nothing of medicine. I
did try to persuade her, but she wouldn't listen."
"Did you talk to her about the
tubercles?"
"Not precisely of the tubercles. Besides, she
wouldn't have understood! But what I say is, that if you convince a
person logically that he has nothing to cry about, he'll stop crying.
That's clear. Is it your conviction that he won't?"
"Life would be too easy if it were so,"
answered Raskolnikov.
"Excuse me, excuse me; of course it would be
rather difficult for Katerina Ivanovna to understand, but do you know
that in Paris they have been conducting serious experiments as to the
possibility of curing the insane, simply by logical argument? One
professor there, a scientific man of standing, lately dead, believed in
the possibility of such treatment. His idea was that there's nothing
really wrong with the physical organism of the insane, and that insanity
is, so to say, a logical mistake, an error of judgment, an incorrect
view of things. He gradually showed the madman his error and, would you
believe it, they say he was successful? But as he made use of douches
too, how far success was due to that treatment remains uncertain.... So
it seems at least."
Raskolnikov had long ceased to listen. Reaching
the house where he lived, he nodded to Lebeziatnikov and went in at the
gate. Lebeziatnikov woke up with a start, looked about him and hurried
on.
Raskolnikov went into his little room and stood
still in the middle of it. Why had he come back here? He looked at the
yellow and tattered paper, at the dust, at his sofa.... From the yard
came a loud continuous knocking; someone seemed to be hammering... He
went to the window, rose on tiptoe and looked out into the yard for a
long time with an air of absorbed attention. But the yard was empty and
he could not see who was hammering. In the house on the left he saw some
open windows; on the window-sills were pots of sickly-looking geraniums.
Linen was hung out of the windows... He knew it all by heart. He turned
away and sat down on the sofa.
Never, never had he felt himself so fearfully
alone!
Yes, he felt once more that he would perhaps come
to hate Sonia, now that he had made her more miserable.
"Why had he gone to her to beg for her tears?
What need had he to poison her life? Oh, the meanness of it!"
"I will remain alone," he said
resolutely, "and she shall not come to the prison!"
Five minutes later he raised his head with a
strange smile. That was a strange thought.
"Perhaps it really would be better in
Siberia," he thought suddenly.
He could not have said how long he sat there with
vague thoughts surging through his mind. All at once the door opened and
Dounia came in. At first she stood still and looked at him from the
doorway, just as he had done at Sonia; then she came in and sat down in
the same place as yesterday, on the chair facing him. He looked silently
and almost vacantly at her.
"Don't be angry, brother; I've only come for
one minute," said Dounia.
Her face looked thoughtful but not stern. Her eyes
were bright and soft. He saw that she too had come to him with love.
"Brother, now I know all, all. Dmitri
Prokofitch has explained and told me everything. They are worrying and
persecuting you through a stupid and contemptible suspicion.... Dmitri
Prokofitch told me that there is no danger, and that you are wrong in
looking upon it with such horror. I don't think so, and I fully
understand how indignant you must be, and that that indignation may have
a permanent effect on you. That's what I am afraid of. As for your
cutting yourself off from us, I don't judge you, I don't venture to
judge you, and forgive me for having blamed you for it. I feel that I
too, if I had so great a trouble, should keep away from everyone. I
shall tell mother nothing of this, but I shall talk about you
continually and shall tell her from you that you will come very soon.
Don't worry about her; I will set her mind at rest; but don't you
try her too much—come once at least; remember that she is your mother.
And now I have come simply to say" (Dounia began to get up)
"that if you should need me or should need... all my life or
anything... call me, and I'll come. Good-bye!"
She turned abruptly and went towards the door.
"Dounia!" Raskolnikov stopped her and
went towards her. "That Razumihin, Dmitri Prokofitch, is a very
good fellow."
Dounia flushed slightly.
"Well?" she asked, waiting a moment.
"He is competent, hardworking, honest and
capable of real love.... Good-bye, Dounia."
Dounia flushed crimson, then suddenly she took
alarm.
"But what does it mean, brother? Are we
really parting for ever that you... give me such a parting
message?"
"Never mind.... Good-bye."
He turned away, and walked to the window. She
stood a moment, looked at him uneasily, and went out troubled.
No, he was not cold to her. There was an instant
(the very last one) when he had longed to take her in his arms and say
good-bye to her, and even to tell her, but he had not dared
even to touch her hand.
"Afterwards she may shudder when she
remembers that I embraced her, and will feel that I stole her
kiss."
"And would she stand that test?"
he went on a few minutes later to himself. "No, she wouldn't; girls
like that can't stand things! They never do."
And he thought of Sonia.
There was a breath of fresh air from the window.
The daylight was fading. He took up his cap and went out.
He could not, of course, and would not consider
how ill he was. But all this continual anxiety and agony of mind could
not but affect him. And if he were not lying in high fever it was
perhaps just because this continual inner strain helped to keep him on
his legs and in possession of his faculties. But this artificial
excitement could not last long.
He wandered aimlessly. The sun was setting. A
special form of misery had begun to oppress him of late. There was
nothing poignant, nothing acute about it; but there was a feeling of
permanence, of eternity about it; it brought a foretaste of hopeless
years of this cold leaden misery, a foretaste of an eternity "on a
square yard of space." Towards evening this sensation usually began
to weigh on him more heavily.
"With this idiotic, purely physical weakness,
depending on the sunset or something, one can't help doing something
stupid! You'll go to Dounia, as well as to Sonia," he muttered
bitterly.
He heard his name called. He looked round.
Lebeziatnikov rushed up to him.
"Only fancy, I've been to your room looking
for you. Only fancy, she's carried out her plan, and taken away the
children. Sofya Semyonovna and I have had a job to find them. She is
rapping on a frying-pan and making the children dance. The children are
crying. They keep stopping at the cross-roads and in front of shops;
there's a crowd of fools running after them. Come along!"
"And Sonia?" Raskolnikov asked
anxiously, hurrying after Lebeziatnikov.
"Simply frantic. That is, it's not Sofya
Semyonovna's frantic, but Katerina Ivanovna, though Sofya Semyonova's
frantic too. But Katerina Ivanovna is absolutely frantic. I tell you she
is quite mad. They'll be taken to the police. You can fancy what an
effect that will have.... They are on the canal bank, near the bridge
now, not far from Sofya Semyonovna's, quite close."
On the canal bank near the bridge and not two
houses away from the one where Sonia lodged, there was a crowd of
people, consisting principally of gutter children. The hoarse broken
voice of Katerina Ivanovna could be heard from the bridge, and it
certainly was a strange spectacle likely to attract a street crowd.
Katerina Ivanovna in her old dress with the green shawl, wearing a torn
straw hat, crushed in a hideous way on one side, was really frantic. She
was exhausted and breathless. Her wasted consumptive face looked more
suffering than ever, and indeed out of doors in the sunshine a
consumptive always looks worse than at home. But her excitement did not
flag, and every moment her irritation grew more intense. She rushed at
the children, shouted at them, coaxed them, told them before the crowd
how to dance and what to sing, began explaining to them why it was
necessary, and driven to desperation by their not understanding, beat
them.... Then she would make a rush at the crowd; if she noticed any
decently dressed person stopping to look, she immediately appealed to
him to see what these children "from a genteel, one may say
aristocratic, house" had been brought to. If she heard laughter or
jeering in the crowd, she would rush at once at the scoffers and begin
squabbling with them. Some people laughed, others shook their heads, but
everyone felt curious at the sight of the madwoman with the frightened
children. The frying-pan of which Lebeziatnikov had spoken was not
there, at least Raskolnikov did not see it. But instead of rapping on
the pan, Katerina Ivanovna began clapping her wasted hands, when she
made Lida and Kolya dance and Polenka sing. She too joined in the
singing, but broke down at the second note with a fearful cough, which
made her curse in despair and even shed tears. What made her most
furious was the weeping and terror of Kolya and Lida. Some effort had
been made to dress the children up as street singers are dressed. The
boy had on a turban made of something red and white to look like a Turk.
There had been no costume for Lida; she simply had a red knitted cap, or
rather a night cap that had belonged to Marmeladov, decorated with a
broken piece of white ostrich feather, which had been Katerina
Ivanovna's grandmother's and had been preserved as a family possession.
Polenka was in her everyday dress; she looked in timid perplexity at her
mother, and kept at her side, hiding her tears. She dimly realised her
mother's condition, and looked uneasily about her. She was terribly
frightened of the street and the crowd. Sonia followed Katerina
Ivanovna, weeping and beseeching her to return home, but Katerina
Ivanovna was not to be persuaded.
"Leave off, Sonia, leave off," she
shouted, speaking fast, panting and coughing. "You don't know what
you ask; you are like a child! I've told you before that I am not coming
back to that drunken German. Let everyone, let all Petersburg see the
children begging in the streets, though their father was an honourable
man who served all his life in truth and fidelity, and one may say died
in the service." (Katerina Ivanovna had by now invented this
fantastic story and thoroughly believed it.) "Let that wretch of a
general see it! And you are silly, Sonia: what have we to eat? Tell me
that. We have worried you enough, I won't go on so! Ah, Rodion
Romanovitch, is that you?" she cried, seeing Raskolnikov and
rushing up to him. "Explain to this silly girl, please, that
nothing better could be done! Even organ-grinders earn their living, and
everyone will see at once that we are different, that we are an
honourable and bereaved family reduced to beggary. And that general will
lose his post, you'll see! We shall perform under his windows every day,
and if the Tsar drives by, I'll fall on my knees, put the children
before me, show them to him, and say 'Defend us father.' He is the
father of the fatherless, he is merciful, he'll protect us, you'll see,
and that wretch of a general.... Lida, tenez vous droite! Kolya,
you'll dance again. Why are you whimpering? Whimpering again! What are
you afraid of, stupid? Goodness, what am I to do with them, Rodion
Romanovitch? If you only knew how stupid they are! What's one to do with
such children?"
And she, almost crying herself—which did not
stop her uninterrupted, rapid flow of talk—pointed to the crying
children. Raskolnikov tried to persuade her to go home, and even said,
hoping to work on her vanity, that it was unseemly for her to be
wandering about the streets like an organ-grinder, as she was intending
to become the principal of a boarding-school.
"A boarding-school, ha-ha-ha! A castle in the
air," cried Katerina Ivanovna, her laugh ending in a cough.
"No, Rodion Romanovitch, that dream is over! All have forsaken
us!... And that general.... You know, Rodion Romanovitch, I threw an
inkpot at him—it happened to be standing in the waiting-room by the
paper where you sign your name. I wrote my name, threw it at him and ran
away. Oh, the scoundrels, the scoundrels! But enough of them, now I'll
provide for the children myself, I won't bow down to anybody! She has
had to bear enough for us!" she pointed to Sonia. "Polenka,
how much have you got? Show me! What, only two farthings! Oh, the mean
wretches! They give us nothing, only run after us, putting their tongues
out. There, what is that blockhead laughing at?" (She pointed to a
man in the crowd.) "It's all because Kolya here is so stupid; I
have such a bother with him. What do you want, Polenka? Tell me in
French, parlez-moi français. Why, I've taught you, you know some
phrases. Else how are you to show that you are of good family, well
brought-up children, and not at all like other organ-grinders? We aren't
going to have a Punch and Judy show in the street, but to sing a genteel
song.... Ah, yes,... What are we to sing? You keep putting me out, but
we... you see, we are standing here, Rodion Romanovitch, to find
something to sing and get money, something Kolya can dance to.... For,
as you can fancy, our performance is all impromptu.... We must talk it
over and rehearse it all thoroughly, and then we shall go to Nevsky,
where there are far more people of good society, and we shall be noticed
at once. Lida knows 'My Village' only, nothing but 'My Village,' and
everyone sings that. We must sing something far more genteel.... Well,
have you thought of anything, Polenka? If only you'd help your mother!
My memory's quite gone, or I should have thought of something. We really
can't sing 'An Hussar.' Ah, let us sing in French, 'Cinq sous,' I have
taught it you, I have taught it you. And as it is in French, people will
see at once that you are children of good family, and that will be much
more touching.... You might sing 'Marlborough s'en va-t-en guerre,' for
that's quite a child's song and is sung as a lullaby in all the
aristocratic houses.
"Marlborough s'en va-t-en guerre Ne sait
quand reviendra..." she began singing. "But no, better
sing 'Cinq sous.' Now, Kolya, your hands on your hips, make haste, and
you, Lida, keep turning the other way, and Polenka and I will sing and
clap our hands!
"Cinq sous, cinq sous Pour monter notre
menage."
(Cough-cough-cough!) "Set your dress
straight, Polenka, it's slipped down on your shoulders," she
observed, panting from coughing. "Now it's particularly necessary
to behave nicely and genteelly, that all may see that you are well-born
children. I said at the time that the bodice should be cut longer, and
made of two widths. It was your fault, Sonia, with your advice to make
it shorter, and now you see the child is quite deformed by it.... Why,
you're all crying again! What's the matter, stupids? Come, Kolya, begin.
Make haste, make haste! Oh, what an unbearable child!
"Cinq sous, cinq sous.
"A policeman again! What do you want?"
A policeman was indeed forcing his way through the
crowd. But at that moment a gentleman in civilian uniform and an
overcoat—a solid-looking official of about fifty with a decoration on
his neck (which delighted Katerina Ivanovna and had its effect on the
policeman)—approached and without a word handed her a green
three-rouble note. His face wore a look of genuine sympathy. Katerina
Ivanovna took it and gave him a polite, even ceremonious, bow.
"I thank you, honoured sir," she began
loftily. "The causes that have induced us (take the money, Polenka:
you see there are generous and honourable people who are ready to help a
poor gentlewoman in distress). You see, honoured sir, these orphans of
good family—I might even say of aristocratic connections—and that
wretch of a general sat eating grouse... and stamped at my disturbing
him. 'Your excellency,' I said, 'protect the orphans, for you knew my
late husband, Semyon Zaharovitch, and on the very day of his death the
basest of scoundrels slandered his only daughter.'... That policeman
again! Protect me," she cried to the official. "Why is that
policeman edging up to me? We have only just run away from one of them.
What do you want, fool?"
"It's forbidden in the streets. You mustn't
make a disturbance."
"It's you're making a disturbance. It's just
the same as if I were grinding an organ. What business is it of
yours?"
"You have to get a licence for an organ, and
you haven't got one, and in that way you collect a crowd. Where do you
lodge?"
"What, a license?" wailed Katerina
Ivanovna. "I buried my husband to-day. What need of a
license?"
"Calm yourself, madam, calm yourself,"
began the official. "Come along; I will escort you.... This is no
place for you in the crowd. You are ill."
"Honoured sir, honoured sir, you don't
know," screamed Katerina Ivanovna. "We are going to the
Nevsky.... Sonia, Sonia! Where is she? She is crying too! What's the
matter with you all? Kolya, Lida, where are you going?" she cried
suddenly in alarm. "Oh, silly children! Kolya, Lida, where are they
off to?..."
Kolya and Lida, scared out of their wits by the
crowd, and their mother's mad pranks, suddenly seized each other by the
hand, and ran off at the sight of the policeman who wanted to take them
away somewhere. Weeping and wailing, poor Katerina Ivanovna ran after
them. She was a piteous and unseemly spectacle, as she ran, weeping and
panting for breath. Sonia and Polenka rushed after them.
"Bring them back, bring them back, Sonia! Oh
stupid, ungrateful children!... Polenka! catch them.... It's for your
sakes I..."
She stumbled as she ran and fell down.
"She's cut herself, she's bleeding! Oh,
dear!" cried Sonia, bending over her.
All ran up and crowded around. Raskolnikov and
Lebeziatnikov were the first at her side, the official too hastened up,
and behind him the policeman who muttered, "Bother!" with a
gesture of impatience, feeling that the job was going to be a
troublesome one.
"Pass on! Pass on!" he said to the crowd
that pressed forward.
"She's dying," someone shouted.
"She's gone out of her mind," said
another.
"Lord have mercy upon us," said a woman,
crossing herself. "Have they caught the little girl and the boy?
They're being brought back, the elder one's got them.... Ah, the naughty
imps!"
When they examined Katerina Ivanovna carefully,
they saw that she had not cut herself against a stone, as Sonia thought,
but that the blood that stained the pavement red was from her chest.
"I've seen that before," muttered the
official to Raskolnikov and Lebeziatnikov; "that's consumption; the
blood flows and chokes the patient. I saw the same thing with a relative
of my own not long ago... nearly a pint of blood, all in a minute....
What's to be done though? She is dying."
"This way, this way, to my room!" Sonia
implored. "I live here!... See, that house, the second from
here.... Come to me, make haste," she turned from one to the other.
"Send for the doctor! Oh, dear!"
Thanks to the official's efforts, this plan was
adopted, the policeman even helping to carry Katerina Ivanovna. She was
carried to Sonia's room, almost unconscious, and laid on the bed. The
blood was still flowing, but she seemed to be coming to herself.
Raskolnikov, Lebeziatnikov, and the official accompanied Sonia into the
room and were followed by the policeman, who first drove back the crowd
which followed to the very door. Polenka came in holding Kolya and Lida,
who were trembling and weeping. Several persons came in too from the
Kapernaumovs' room; the landlord, a lame one-eyed man of strange
appearance with whiskers and hair that stood up like a brush, his wife,
a woman with an everlastingly scared expression, and several
open-mouthed children with wonder-struck faces. Among these, Svidrigaïlov
suddenly made his appearance. Raskolnikov looked at him with surprise,
not understanding where he had come from and not having noticed him in
the crowd. A doctor and priest wore spoken of. The official whispered to
Raskolnikov that he thought it was too late now for the doctor, but he
ordered him to be sent for. Kapernaumov ran himself.
Meanwhile Katerina Ivanovna had regained her
breath. The bleeding ceased for a time. She looked with sick but intent
and penetrating eyes at Sonia, who stood pale and trembling, wiping the
sweat from her brow with a handkerchief. At last she asked to be raised.
They sat her up on the bed, supporting her on both sides.
"Where are the children?" she said in a
faint voice. "You've brought them, Polenka? Oh the sillies! Why did
you run away.... Och!"
Once more her parched lips were covered with
blood. She moved her eyes, looking about her.
"So that's how you live, Sonia! Never once
have I been in your room."
She looked at her with a face of suffering.
"We have been your ruin, Sonia. Polenka,
Lida, Kolya, come here! Well, here they are, Sonia, take them all! I
hand them over to you, I've had enough! The ball is over." (Cough!)
"Lay me down, let me die in peace."
They laid her back on the pillow.
"What, the priest? I don't want him. You
haven't got a rouble to spare. I have no sins. God must forgive me
without that. He knows how I have suffered.... And if He won't forgive
me, I don't care!"
She sank more and more into uneasy delirium. At
times she shuddered, turned her eyes from side to side, recognised
everyone for a minute, but at once sank into delirium again. Her
breathing was hoarse and difficult, there was a sort of rattle in her
throat.
"I said to him, your excellency," she
ejaculated, gasping after each word. "That Amalia Ludwigovna, ah!
Lida, Kolya, hands on your hips, make haste! Glissez, glissez! pas de
basque! Tap with your heels, be a graceful child!
"Du hast Diamanten und Perlen
"What next? That's the thing to sing.
"Du hast die schonsten Augen Madchen, was
willst du mehr?
"What an idea! Was willst du mehr?
What things the fool invents! Ah, yes!
"In the heat of midday in the vale of
Dagestan.
"Ah, how I loved it! I loved that song to
distraction, Polenka! Your father, you know, used to sing it when we
were engaged.... Oh those days! Oh that's the thing for us to sing! How
does it go? I've forgotten. Remind me! How was it?"
She was violently excited and tried to sit up. At
last, in a horribly hoarse, broken voice, she began, shrieking and
gasping at every word, with a look of growing terror.
"In the heat of midday!... in the vale!... of
Dagestan!... With lead in my breast!..."
"Your excellency!" she wailed suddenly
with a heart-rending scream and a flood of tears, "protect the
orphans! You have been their father's guest... one may say
aristocratic...." She started, regaining consciousness, and gazed
at all with a sort of terror, but at once recognised Sonia.
"Sonia, Sonia!" she articulated softly
and caressingly, as though surprised to find her there. "Sonia
darling, are you here, too?"
They lifted her up again.
"Enough! It's over! Farewell, poor thing! I
am done for! I am broken!" she cried with vindictive despair, and
her head fell heavily back on the pillow.
She sank into unconsciousness again, but this time
it did not last long. Her pale, yellow, wasted face dropped back, her
mouth fell open, her leg moved convulsively, she gave a deep, deep sigh
and died.
Sonia fell upon her, flung her arms about her, and
remained motionless with her head pressed to the dead woman's wasted
bosom. Polenka threw herself at her mother's feet, kissing them and
weeping violently. Though Kolya and Lida did not understand what had
happened, they had a feeling that it was something terrible; they put
their hands on each other's little shoulders, stared straight at one
another and both at once opened their mouths and began screaming. They
were both still in their fancy dress; one in a turban, the other in the
cap with the ostrich feather.
And how did "the certificate of merit"
come to be on the bed beside Katerina Ivanovna? It lay there by the
pillow; Raskolnikov saw it.
He walked away to the window. Lebeziatnikov
skipped up to him.
"She is dead," he said.
"Rodion Romanovitch, I must have two words
with you," said Svidrigaïlov, coming up to them.
Lebeziatnikov at once made room for him and
delicately withdrew. Svidrigaïlov drew Raskolnikov further away.
"I will undertake all the arrangements, the
funeral and that. You know it's a question of money and, as I told you,
I have plenty to spare. I will put those two little ones and Polenka
into some good orphan asylum, and I will settle fifteen hundred roubles
to be paid to each on coming of age, so that Sofya Semyonovna need have
no anxiety about them. And I will pull her out of the mud too, for she
is a good girl, isn't she? So tell Avdotya Romanovna that that is how I
am spending her ten thousand."
"What is your motive for such
benevolence?" asked Raskolnikov.
"Ah! you sceptical person!" laughed
Svidrigaïlov. "I told you I had no need of that money. Won't you
admit that it's simply done from humanity? She wasn't 'a louse,' you
know" (he pointed to the corner where the dead woman lay),
"was she, like some old pawnbroker woman? Come, you'll agree, is
Luzhin to go on living, and doing wicked things or is she to die? And if
I didn't help them, Polenka would go the same way."
He said this with an air of a sort of gay winking
slyness, keeping his eyes fixed on Raskolnikov, who turned white and
cold, hearing his own phrases, spoken to Sonia. He quickly stepped back
and looked wildly at Svidrigaïlov.
"How do you know?" he whispered, hardly
able to breathe.
"Why, I lodge here at Madame Resslich's, the
other side of the wall. Here is Kapernaumov, and there lives Madame
Resslich, an old and devoted friend of mine. I am a neighbour."
"You?"
"Yes," continued Svidrigaïlov, shaking
with laughter. "I assure you on my honour, dear Rodion Romanovitch,
that you have interested me enormously. I told you we should become
friends, I foretold it. Well, here we have. And you will see what an
accommodating person I am. You'll see that you can get on with me!"
PART VI
CHAPTER I
A strange period began for Raskolnikov: it was as
though a fog had fallen upon him and wrapped him in a dreary solitude
from which there was no escape. Recalling that period long after, he
believed that his mind had been clouded at times, and that it had
continued so, with intervals, till the final catastrophe. He was
convinced that he had been mistaken about many things at that time, for
instance as to the date of certain events. Anyway, when he tried later
on to piece his recollections together, he learnt a great deal about
himself from what other people told him. He had mixed up incidents and
had explained events as due to circumstances which existed only in his
imagination. At times he was a prey to agonies of morbid uneasiness,
amounting sometimes to panic. But he remembered, too, moments, hours,
perhaps whole days, of complete apathy, which came upon him as a
reaction from his previous terror and might be compared with the
abnormal insensibility, sometimes seen in the dying. He seemed to be
trying in that latter stage to escape from a full and clear
understanding of his position. Certain essential facts which required
immediate consideration were particularly irksome to him. How glad he
would have been to be free from some cares, the neglect of which would
have threatened him with complete, inevitable ruin.
He was particularly worried about Svidrigaïlov,
he might be said to be permanently thinking of Svidrigaïlov. From the
time of Svidrigaïlov's too menacing and unmistakable words in Sonia's
room at the moment of Katerina Ivanovna's death, the normal working of
his mind seemed to break down. But although this new fact caused him
extreme uneasiness, Raskolnikov was in no hurry for an explanation of
it. At times, finding himself in a solitary and remote part of the town,
in some wretched eating-house, sitting alone lost in thought, hardly
knowing how he had come there, he suddenly thought of Svidrigaïlov. He
recognised suddenly, clearly, and with dismay that he ought at once to
come to an understanding with that man and to make what terms he could.
Walking outside the city gates one day, he positively fancied that they
had fixed a meeting there, that he was waiting for Svidrigaïlov.
Another time he woke up before daybreak lying on the ground under some
bushes and could not at first understand how he had come there.
But during the two or three days after Katerina
Ivanovna's death, he had two or three times met Svidrigaïlov at Sonia's
lodging, where he had gone aimlessly for a moment. They exchanged a few
words and made no reference to the vital subject, as though they were
tacitly agreed not to speak of it for a time.
Katerina Ivanovna's body was still lying in the
coffin, Svidrigaïlov was busy making arrangements for the funeral.
Sonia too was very busy. At their last meeting Svidrigaïlov informed
Raskolnikov that he had made an arrangement, and a very satisfactory
one, for Katerina Ivanovna's children; that he had, through certain
connections, succeeded in getting hold of certain personages by whose
help the three orphans could be at once placed in very suitable
institutions; that the money he had settled on them had been of great
assistance, as it is much easier to place orphans with some property
than destitute ones. He said something too about Sonia and promised to
come himself in a day or two to see Raskolnikov, mentioning that
"he would like to consult with him, that there were things they
must talk over...."
This conversation took place in the passage on the
stairs. Svidrigaïlov looked intently at Raskolnikov and suddenly, after
a brief pause, dropping his voice, asked: "But how is it, Rodion
Romanovitch; you don't seem yourself? You look and you listen, but you
don't seem to understand. Cheer up! We'll talk things over; I am only
sorry, I've so much to do of my own business and other people's. Ah,
Rodion Romanovitch," he added suddenly, "what all men need is
fresh air, fresh air... more than anything!"
He moved to one side to make way for the priest
and server, who were coming up the stairs. They had come for the requiem
service. By Svidrigaïlov's orders it was sung twice a day punctually.
Svidrigaïlov went his way. Raskolnikov stood still a moment, thought,
and followed the priest into Sonia's room. He stood at the door. They
began quietly, slowly and mournfully singing the service. From his
childhood the thought of death and the presence of death had something
oppressive and mysteriously awful; and it was long since he had heard
the requiem service. And there was something else here as well, too
awful and disturbing. He looked at the children: they were all kneeling
by the coffin; Polenka was weeping. Behind them Sonia prayed, softly
and, as it were, timidly weeping.
"These last two days she hasn't said a word
to me, she hasn't glanced at me," Raskolnikov thought suddenly. The
sunlight was bright in the room; the incense rose in clouds; the priest
read, "Give rest, oh Lord...." Raskolnikov stayed all through
the service. As he blessed them and took his leave, the priest looked
round strangely. After the service, Raskolnikov went up to Sonia. She
took both his hands and let her head sink on his shoulder. This slight
friendly gesture bewildered Raskolnikov. It seemed strange to him that
there was no trace of repugnance, no trace of disgust, no tremor in her
hand. It was the furthest limit of self-abnegation, at least so he
interpreted it.
Sonia said nothing. Raskolnikov pressed her hand
and went out. He felt very miserable. If it had been possible to escape
to some solitude, he would have thought himself lucky, even if he had to
spend his whole life there. But although he had almost always been by
himself of late, he had never been able to feel alone. Sometimes he
walked out of the town on to the high road, once he had even reached a
little wood, but the lonelier the place was, the more he seemed to be
aware of an uneasy presence near him. It did not frighten him, but
greatly annoyed him, so that he made haste to return to the town, to
mingle with the crowd, to enter restaurants and taverns, to walk in busy
thoroughfares. There he felt easier and even more solitary. One day at
dusk he sat for an hour listening to songs in a tavern and he remembered
that he positively enjoyed it. But at last he had suddenly felt the same
uneasiness again, as though his conscience smote him. "Here I sit
listening to singing, is that what I ought to be doing?" he
thought. Yet he felt at once that that was not the only cause of his
uneasiness; there was something requiring immediate decision, but it was
something he could not clearly understand or put into words. It was a
hopeless tangle. "No, better the struggle again! Better Porfiry
again... or Svidrigaïlov.... Better some challenge again... some
attack. Yes, yes!" he thought. He went out of the tavern and rushed
away almost at a run. The thought of Dounia and his mother suddenly
reduced him almost to a panic. That night he woke up before morning
among some bushes in Krestovsky Island, trembling all over with fever;
he walked home, and it was early morning when he arrived. After some
hours' sleep the fever left him, but he woke up late, two o'clock in the
afternoon.
He remembered that Katerina Ivanovna's funeral had
been fixed for that day, and was glad that he was not present at it.
Nastasya brought him some food; he ate and drank with appetite, almost
with greediness. His head was fresher and he was calmer than he had been
for the last three days. He even felt a passing wonder at his previous
attacks of panic.
The door opened and Razumihin came in.
"Ah, he's eating, then he's not ill,"
said Razumihin. He took a chair and sat down at the table opposite
Raskolnikov.
He was troubled and did not attempt to conceal it.
He spoke with evident annoyance, but without hurry or raising his voice.
He looked as though he had some special fixed determination.
"Listen," he began resolutely. "As
far as I am concerned, you may all go to hell, but from what I see, it's
clear to me that I can't make head or tail of it; please don't think
I've come to ask you questions. I don't want to know, hang it! If you
begin telling me your secrets, I dare say I shouldn't stay to listen, I
should go away cursing. I have only come to find out once for all
whether it's a fact that you are mad? There is a conviction in the air
that you are mad or very nearly so. I admit I've been disposed to that
opinion myself, judging from your stupid, repulsive and quite
inexplicable actions, and from your recent behavior to your mother and
sister. Only a monster or a madman could treat them as you have; so you
must be mad."
"When did you see them last?"
"Just now. Haven't you seen them since then?
What have you been doing with yourself? Tell me, please. I've been to
you three times already. Your mother has been seriously ill since
yesterday. She had made up her mind to come to you; Avdotya Romanovna
tried to prevent her; she wouldn't hear a word. 'If he is ill, if his
mind is giving way, who can look after him like his mother?' she said.
We all came here together, we couldn't let her come alone all the way.
We kept begging her to be calm. We came in, you weren't here; she sat
down, and stayed ten minutes, while we stood waiting in silence. She got
up and said: 'If he's gone out, that is, if he is well, and has
forgotten his mother, it's humiliating and unseemly for his mother to
stand at his door begging for kindness.' She returned home and took to
her bed; now she is in a fever. 'I see,' she said, 'that he has time for
his girl.' She means by your girl Sofya Semyonovna, your
betrothed or your mistress, I don't know. I went at once to Sofya
Semyonovna's, for I wanted to know what was going on. I looked round, I
saw the coffin, the children crying, and Sofya Semyonovna trying them on
mourning dresses. No sign of you. I apologised, came away, and reported
to Avdotya Romanovna. So that's all nonsense and you haven't got a girl;
the most likely thing is that you are mad. But here you sit, guzzling
boiled beef as though you'd not had a bite for three days. Though as far
as that goes, madmen eat too, but though you have not said a word to me
yet... you are not mad! That I'd swear! Above all, you are not mad! So
you may go to hell, all of you, for there's some mystery, some secret
about it, and I don't intend to worry my brains over your secrets. So
I've simply come to swear at you," he finished, getting up,
"to relieve my mind. And I know what to do now."
"What do you mean to do now?"
"What business is it of yours what I mean to
do?"
"You are going in for a drinking bout."
"How... how did you know?"
"Why, it's pretty plain."
Razumihin paused for a minute.
"You always have been a very rational person
and you've never been mad, never," he observed suddenly with
warmth. "You're right: I shall drink. Good-bye!"
And he moved to go out.
"I was talking with my sister—the day
before yesterday, I think it was—about you, Razumihin."
"About me! But... where can you have seen her
the day before yesterday?" Razumihin stopped short and even turned
a little pale.
One could see that his heart was throbbing slowly
and violently.
"She came here by herself, sat there and
talked to me."
"She did!"
"Yes."
"What did you say to her... I mean, about
me?"
"I told her you were a very good, honest, and
industrious man. I didn't tell her you love her, because she knows that
herself."
"She knows that herself?"
"Well, it's pretty plain. Wherever I might
go, whatever happened to me, you would remain to look after them. I, so
to speak, give them into your keeping, Razumihin. I say this because I
know quite well how you love her, and am convinced of the purity of your
heart. I know that she too may love you and perhaps does love you
already. Now decide for yourself, as you know best, whether you need go
in for a drinking bout or not."
"Rodya! You see... well.... Ach, damn it! But
where do you mean to go? Of course, if it's all a secret, never mind....
But I... I shall find out the secret... and I am sure that it must be
some ridiculous nonsense and that you've made it all up. Anyway you are
a capital fellow, a capital fellow!..."
"That was just what I wanted to add, only you
interrupted, that that was a very good decision of yours not to find out
these secrets. Leave it to time, don't worry about it. You'll know it
all in time when it must be. Yesterday a man said to me that what a man
needs is fresh air, fresh air, fresh air. I mean to go to him directly
to find out what he meant by that."
Razumihin stood lost in thought and excitement,
making a silent conclusion.
"He's a political conspirator! He must be.
And he's on the eve of some desperate step, that's certain. It can only
be that! And... and Dounia knows," he thought suddenly.
"So Avdotya Romanovna comes to see you,"
he said, weighing each syllable, "and you're going to see a man who
says we need more air, and so of course that letter... that too must
have something to do with it," he concluded to himself.
"What letter?"
"She got a letter to-day. It upset her very
much—very much indeed. Too much so. I began speaking of you, she
begged me not to. Then... then she said that perhaps we should very soon
have to part... then she began warmly thanking me for something; then
she went to her room and locked herself in."
"She got a letter?" Raskolnikov asked
thoughtfully.
"Yes, and you didn't know? hm..."
They were both silent.
"Good-bye, Rodion. There was a time, brother,
when I.... Never mind, good-bye. You see, there was a time.... Well,
good-bye! I must be off too. I am not going to drink. There's no need
now.... That's all stuff!"
He hurried out; but when he had almost closed the
door behind him, he suddenly opened it again, and said, looking away:
"Oh, by the way, do you remember that murder,
you know Porfiry's, that old woman? Do you know the murderer has been
found, he has confessed and given the proofs. It's one of those very
workmen, the painter, only fancy! Do you remember I defended them here?
Would you believe it, all that scene of fighting and laughing with his
companions on the stairs while the porter and the two witnesses were
going up, he got up on purpose to disarm suspicion. The cunning, the
presence of mind of the young dog! One can hardly credit it; but it's
his own explanation, he has confessed it all. And what a fool I was
about it! Well, he's simply a genius of hypocrisy and resourcefulness in
disarming the suspicions of the lawyers—so there's nothing much to
wonder at, I suppose! Of course people like that are always possible.
And the fact that he couldn't keep up the character, but confessed,
makes him easier to believe in. But what a fool I was! I was frantic on
their side!"
"Tell me, please, from whom did you hear
that, and why does it interest you so?" Raskolnikov asked with
unmistakable agitation.
"What next? You ask me why it interests
me!... Well, I heard it from Porfiry, among others... It was from him I
heard almost all about it."
"From Porfiry?"
"From Porfiry."
"What... what did he say?" Raskolnikov
asked in dismay.
"He gave me a capital explanation of it.
Psychologically, after his fashion."
"He explained it? Explained it himself?"
"Yes, yes; good-bye. I'll tell you all about
it another time, but now I'm busy. There was a time when I fancied...
But no matter, another time!... What need is there for me to drink now?
You have made me drunk without wine. I am drunk, Rodya! Good-bye, I'm
going. I'll come again very soon."
He went out.
"He's a political conspirator, there's not a
doubt about it," Razumihin decided, as he slowly descended the
stairs. "And he's drawn his sister in; that's quite, quite in
keeping with Avdotya Romanovna's character. There are interviews between
them!... She hinted at it too... So many of her words.... and hints...
bear that meaning! And how else can all this tangle be explained? Hm!
And I was almost thinking... Good heavens, what I thought! Yes, I took
leave of my senses and I wronged him! It was his doing, under the lamp
in the corridor that day. Pfoo! What a crude, nasty, vile idea on my
part! Nikolay is a brick, for confessing.... And how clear it all is
now! His illness then, all his strange actions... before this, in the
university, how morose he used to be, how gloomy.... But what's the
meaning now of that letter? There's something in that, too, perhaps.
Whom was it from? I suspect...! No, I must find out!"
He thought of Dounia, realising all he had heard
and his heart throbbed, and he suddenly broke into a run.
As soon as Razumihin went out, Raskolnikov got up,
turned to the window, walked into one corner and then into another, as
though forgetting the smallness of his room, and sat down again on the
sofa. He felt, so to speak, renewed; again the struggle, so a means of
escape had come.
"Yes, a means of escape had come! It had been
too stifling, too cramping, the burden had been too agonising. A
lethargy had come upon him at times. From the moment of the scene with
Nikolay at Porfiry's he had been suffocating, penned in without hope of
escape. After Nikolay's confession, on that very day had come the scene
with Sonia; his behaviour and his last words had been utterly unlike
anything he could have imagined beforehand; he had grown feebler,
instantly and fundamentally! And he had agreed at the time with Sonia,
he had agreed in his heart he could not go on living alone with such a
thing on his mind!
"And Svidrigaïlov was a riddle... He worried
him, that was true, but somehow not on the same point. He might still
have a struggle to come with Svidrigaïlov. Svidrigaïlov, too, might be
a means of escape; but Porfiry was a different matter.
"And so Porfiry himself had explained it to
Razumihin, had explained it psychologically. He had begun
bringing in his damned psychology again! Porfiry? But to think that
Porfiry should for one moment believe that Nikolay was guilty, after
what had passed between them before Nikolay's appearance, after that tête-à-tête
interview, which could have only one explanation? (During those
days Raskolnikov had often recalled passages in that scene with Porfiry;
he could not bear to let his mind rest on it.) Such words, such gestures
had passed between them, they had exchanged such glances, things had
been said in such a tone and had reached such a pass, that Nikolay, whom
Porfiry had seen through at the first word, at the first gesture, could
not have shaken his conviction.
"And to think that even Razumihin had begun
to suspect! The scene in the corridor under the lamp had produced its
effect then. He had rushed to Porfiry.... But what had induced the
latter to receive him like that? What had been his object in putting
Razumihin off with Nikolay? He must have some plan; there was some
design, but what was it? It was true that a long time had passed since
that morning—too long a time—and no sight nor sound of Porfiry.
Well, that was a bad sign...."
Raskolnikov took his cap and went out of the room,
still pondering. It was the first time for a long while that he had felt
clear in his mind, at least. "I must settle Svidrigaïlov," he
thought, "and as soon as possible; he, too, seems to be waiting for
me to come to him of my own accord." And at that moment there was
such a rush of hate in his weary heart that he might have killed either
of those two—Porfiry or Svidrigaïlov. At least he felt that he would
be capable of doing it later, if not now.
"We shall see, we shall see," he
repeated to himself.
But no sooner had he opened the door than he
stumbled upon Porfiry himself in the passage. He was coming in to see
him. Raskolnikov was dumbfounded for a minute, but only for one minute.
Strange to say, he was not very much astonished at seeing Porfiry and
scarcely afraid of him. He was simply startled, but was quickly,
instantly, on his guard. "Perhaps this will mean the end? But how
could Porfiry have approached so quietly, like a cat, so that he had
heard nothing? Could he have been listening at the door?"
"You didn't expect a visitor, Rodion
Romanovitch," Porfiry explained, laughing. "I've been meaning
to look in a long time; I was passing by and thought why not go in for
five minutes. Are you going out? I won't keep you long. Just let me have
one cigarette."
"Sit down, Porfiry Petrovitch, sit
down." Raskolnikov gave his visitor a seat with so pleased and
friendly an expression that he would have marvelled at himself, if he
could have seen it.
The last moment had come, the last drops had to be
drained! So a man will sometimes go through half an hour of mortal
terror with a brigand, yet when the knife is at his throat at last, he
feels no fear.
Raskolnikov seated himself directly facing
Porfiry, and looked at him without flinching. Porfiry screwed up his
eyes and began lighting a cigarette.
"Speak, speak," seemed as though it
would burst from Raskolnikov's heart. "Come, why don't you
speak?"
CHAPTER II
"Ah these cigarettes!" Porfiry
Petrovitch ejaculated at last, having lighted one. "They are
pernicious, positively pernicious, and yet I can't give them up! I
cough, I begin to have tickling in my throat and a difficulty in
breathing. You know I am a coward, I went lately to Dr. B——n; he
always gives at least half an hour to each patient. He positively
laughed looking at me; he sounded me: 'Tobacco's bad for you,' he said,
'your lungs are affected.' But how am I to give it up? What is there to
take its place? I don't drink, that's the mischief, he-he-he, that I
don't. Everything is relative, Rodion Romanovitch, everything is
relative!"
"Why, he's playing his professional tricks
again," Raskolnikov thought with disgust. All the circumstances of
their last interview suddenly came back to him, and he felt a rush of
the feeling that had come upon him then.
"I came to see you the day before yesterday,
in the evening; you didn't know?" Porfiry Petrovitch went on,
looking round the room. "I came into this very room. I was passing
by, just as I did to-day, and I thought I'd return your call. I walked
in as your door was wide open, I looked round, waited and went out
without leaving my name with your servant. Don't you lock your
door?"
Raskolnikov's face grew more and more gloomy.
Porfiry seemed to guess his state of mind.
"I've come to have it out with you, Rodion
Romanovitch, my dear fellow! I owe you an explanation and must give it
to you," he continued with a slight smile, just patting
Raskolnikov's knee.
But almost at the same instant a serious and
careworn look came into his face; to his surprise Raskolnikov saw a
touch of sadness in it. He had never seen and never suspected such an
expression in his face.
"A strange scene passed between us last time
we met, Rodion Romanovitch. Our first interview, too, was a strange one;
but then... and one thing after another! This is the point: I have
perhaps acted unfairly to you; I feel it. Do you remember how we parted?
Your nerves were unhinged and your knees were shaking and so were mine.
And, you know, our behaviour was unseemly, even ungentlemanly. And yet
we are gentlemen, above all, in any case, gentlemen; that must be
understood. Do you remember what we came to?... and it was quite
indecorous."
"What is he up to, what does he take me
for?" Raskolnikov asked himself in amazement, raising his head and
looking with open eyes on Porfiry.
"I've decided openness is better between
us," Porfiry Petrovitch went on, turning his head away and dropping
his eyes, as though unwilling to disconcert his former victim and as
though disdaining his former wiles. "Yes, such suspicions and such
scenes cannot continue for long. Nikolay put a stop to it, or I don't
know what we might not have come to. That damned workman was sitting at
the time in the next room—can you realise that? You know that, of
course; and I am aware that he came to you afterwards. But what you
supposed then was not true: I had not sent for anyone, I had made no
kind of arrangements. You ask why I hadn't? What shall I say to you? it
had all come upon me so suddenly. I had scarcely sent for the porters
(you noticed them as you went out, I dare say). An idea flashed upon me;
I was firmly convinced at the time, you see, Rodion Romanovitch. Come, I
thought—even if I let one thing slip for a time, I shall get hold of
something else—I shan't lose what I want, anyway. You are nervously
irritable, Rodion Romanovitch, by temperament; it's out of proportion
with other qualities of your heart and character, which I flatter myself
I have to some extent divined. Of course I did reflect even then that it
does not always happen that a man gets up and blurts out his whole
story. It does happen sometimes, if you make a man lose all patience,
though even then it's rare. I was capable of realising that. If I only
had a fact, I thought, the least little fact to go upon, something I
could lay hold of, something tangible, not merely psychological. For if
a man is guilty, you must be able to get something substantial out of
him; one may reckon upon most surprising results indeed. I was reckoning
on your temperament, Rodion Romanovitch, on your temperament above all
things! I had great hopes of you at that time."
"But what are you driving at now?"
Raskolnikov muttered at last, asking the question without thinking.
"What is he talking about?" he wondered
distractedly, "does he really take me to be innocent?"
"What am I driving at? I've come to explain
myself, I consider it my duty, so to speak. I want to make clear to you
how the whole business, the whole misunderstanding arose. I've caused
you a great deal of suffering, Rodion Romanovitch. I am not a monster. I
understand what it must mean for a man who has been unfortunate, but who
is proud, imperious and above all, impatient, to have to bear such
treatment! I regard you in any case as a man of noble character and not
without elements of magnanimity, though I don't agree with all your
convictions. I wanted to tell you this first, frankly and quite
sincerely, for above all I don't want to deceive you. When I made your
acquaintance, I felt attracted by you. Perhaps you will laugh at my
saying so. You have a right to. I know you disliked me from the first
and indeed you've no reason to like me. You may think what you like, but
I desire now to do all I can to efface that impression and to show that
I am a man of heart and conscience. I speak sincerely."
Porfiry Petrovitch made a dignified pause.
Raskolnikov felt a rush of renewed alarm. The thought that Porfiry
believed him to be innocent began to make him uneasy.
"It's scarcely necessary to go over
everything in detail," Porfiry Petrovitch went on. "Indeed, I
could scarcely attempt it. To begin with there were rumours. Through
whom, how, and when those rumours came to me... and how they affected
you, I need not go into. My suspicions were aroused by a complete
accident, which might just as easily not have happened. What was it? Hm!
I believe there is no need to go into that either. Those rumours and
that accident led to one idea in my mind. I admit it openly—for one
may as well make a clean breast of it—I was the first to pitch on you.
The old woman's notes on the pledges and the rest of it—that all came
to nothing. Yours was one of a hundred. I happened, too, to hear of the
scene at the office, from a man who described it capitally,
unconsciously reproducing the scene with great vividness. It was just
one thing after another, Rodion Romanovitch, my dear fellow! How could I
avoid being brought to certain ideas? From a hundred rabbits you can't
make a horse, a hundred suspicions don't make a proof, as the English
proverb says, but that's only from the rational point of view—you
can't help being partial, for after all a lawyer is only human. I
thought, too, of your article in that journal, do you remember, on your
first visit we talked of it? I jeered at you at the time, but that was
only to lead you on. I repeat, Rodion Romanovitch, you are ill and
impatient. That you were bold, headstrong, in earnest and... had felt a
great deal I recognised long before. I, too, have felt the same, so that
your article seemed familiar to me. It was conceived on sleepless
nights, with a throbbing heart, in ecstasy and suppressed enthusiasm.
And that proud suppressed enthusiasm in young people is dangerous! I
jeered at you then, but let me tell you that, as a literary amateur, I
am awfully fond of such first essays, full of the heat of youth. There
is a mistiness and a chord vibrating in the mist. Your article is absurd
and fantastic, but there's a transparent sincerity, a youthful
incorruptible pride and the daring of despair in it. It's a gloomy
article, but that's what's fine in it. I read your article and put it
aside, thinking as I did so 'that man won't go the common way.' Well, I
ask you, after that as a preliminary, how could I help being carried
away by what followed? Oh, dear, I am not saying anything, I am not
making any statement now. I simply noted it at the time. What is there
in it? I reflected. There's nothing in it, that is really nothing and
perhaps absolutely nothing. And it's not at all the thing for the
prosecutor to let himself be carried away by notions: here I have
Nikolay on my hands with actual evidence against him—you may think
what you like of it, but it's evidence. He brings in his psychology,
too; one has to consider him, too, for it's a matter of life and death.
Why am I explaining this to you? That you may understand, and not blame
my malicious behaviour on that occasion. It was not malicious, I assure
you, he-he! Do you suppose I didn't come to search your room at the
time? I did, I did, he-he! I was here when you were lying ill in bed,
not officially, not in my own person, but I was here. Your room was
searched to the last thread at the first suspicion; but umsonst!
I thought to myself, now that man will come, will come of himself and
quickly, too; if he's guilty, he's sure to come. Another man wouldn't,
but he will. And you remember how Mr. Razumihin began discussing the
subject with you? We arranged that to excite you, so we purposely spread
rumours, that he might discuss the case with you, and Razumihin is not a
man to restrain his indignation. Mr. Zametov was tremendously struck by
your anger and your open daring. Think of blurting out in a restaurant
'I killed her.' It was too daring, too reckless. I thought so myself, if
he is guilty he will be a formidable opponent. That was what I thought
at the time. I was expecting you. But you simply bowled Zametov over
and... well, you see, it all lies in this—that this damnable
psychology can be taken two ways! Well, I kept expecting you, and so it
was, you came! My heart was fairly throbbing. Ach!
"Now, why need you have come? Your laughter,
too, as you came in, do you remember? I saw it all plain as daylight,
but if I hadn't expected you so specially, I should not have noticed
anything in your laughter. You see what influence a mood has! Mr.
Razumihin then—ah, that stone, that stone under which the things were
hidden! I seem to see it somewhere in a kitchen garden. It was in a
kitchen garden, you told Zametov and afterwards you repeated that in my
office? And when we began picking your article to pieces, how you
explained it! One could take every word of yours in two senses, as
though there were another meaning hidden.
"So in this way, Rodion Romanovitch, I
reached the furthest limit, and knocking my head against a post, I
pulled myself up, asking myself what I was about. After all, I said, you
can take it all in another sense if you like, and it's more natural so,
indeed. I couldn't help admitting it was more natural. I was bothered!
'No, I'd better get hold of some little fact' I said. So when I heard of
the bell-ringing, I held my breath and was all in a tremor. 'Here is my
little fact,' thought I, and I didn't think it over, I simply wouldn't.
I would have given a thousand roubles at that minute to have seen you
with my own eyes, when you walked a hundred paces beside that workman,
after he had called you murderer to your face, and you did not dare to
ask him a question all the way. And then what about your trembling, what
about your bell-ringing in your illness, in semi-delirium?
"And so, Rodion Romanovitch, can you wonder
that I played such pranks on you? And what made you come at that very
minute? Someone seemed to have sent you, by Jove! And if Nikolay had not
parted us... and do you remember Nikolay at the time? Do you remember
him clearly? It was a thunderbolt, a regular thunderbolt! And how I met
him! I didn't believe in the thunderbolt, not for a minute. You could
see it for yourself; and how could I? Even afterwards, when you had gone
and he began making very, very plausible answers on certain points, so
that I was surprised at him myself, even then I didn't believe his
story! You see what it is to be as firm as a rock! No, thought I, Morgenfrüh.
What has Nikolay got to do with it!"
"Razumihin told me just now that you think
Nikolay guilty and had yourself assured him of it...."
His voice failed him, and he broke off. He had
been listening in indescribable agitation, as this man who had seen
through and through him, went back upon himself. He was afraid of
believing it and did not believe it. In those still ambiguous words he
kept eagerly looking for something more definite and conclusive.
"Mr. Razumihin!" cried Porfiry
Petrovitch, seeming glad of a question from Raskolnikov, who had till
then been silent. "He-he-he! But I had to put Mr. Razumihin off;
two is company, three is none. Mr. Razumihin is not the right man,
besides he is an outsider. He came running to me with a pale face....
But never mind him, why bring him in? To return to Nikolay, would you
like to know what sort of a type he is, how I understand him, that is?
To begin with, he is still a child and not exactly a coward, but
something by way of an artist. Really, don't laugh at my describing him
so. He is innocent and responsive to influence. He has a heart, and is a
fantastic fellow. He sings and dances, he tells stories, they say, so
that people come from other villages to hear him. He attends school too,
and laughs till he cries if you hold up a finger to him; he will drink
himself senseless—not as a regular vice, but at times, when people
treat him, like a child. And he stole, too, then, without knowing it
himself, for 'How can it be stealing, if one picks it up?' And do you
know he is an Old Believer, or rather a dissenter? There have been
Wanderers[*] in his family, and he was for two years in his village
under the spiritual guidance of a certain elder. I learnt all this from
Nikolay and from his fellow villagers. And what's more, he wanted to run
into the wilderness! He was full of fervour, prayed at night, read the
old books, 'the true' ones, and read himself crazy.
[*] A religious sect.—TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.
"Petersburg had a great effect upon him,
especially the women and the wine. He responds to everything and he
forgot the elder and all that. I learnt that an artist here took a fancy
to him, and used to go and see him, and now this business came upon him.
"Well, he was frightened, he tried to hang
himself! He ran away! How can one get over the idea the people have of
Russian legal proceedings? The very word 'trial' frightens some of them.
Whose fault is it? We shall see what the new juries will do. God grant
they do good! Well, in prison, it seems, he remembered the venerable
elder; the Bible, too, made its appearance again. Do you know, Rodion
Romanovitch, the force of the word 'suffering' among some of these
people! It's not a question of suffering for someone's benefit, but
simply, 'one must suffer.' If they suffer at the hands of the
authorities, so much the better. In my time there was a very meek and
mild prisoner who spent a whole year in prison always reading his Bible
on the stove at night and he read himself crazy, and so crazy, do you
know, that one day, apropos of nothing, he seized a brick and flung it
at the governor; though he had done him no harm. And the way he threw it
too: aimed it a yard on one side on purpose, for fear of hurting him.
Well, we know what happens to a prisoner who assaults an officer with a
weapon. So 'he took his suffering.'
"So I suspect now that Nikolay wants to take
his suffering or something of the sort. I know it for certain from
facts, indeed. Only he doesn't know that I know. What, you don't admit
that there are such fantastic people among the peasants? Lots of them.
The elder now has begun influencing him, especially since he tried to
hang himself. But he'll come and tell me all himself. You think he'll
hold out? Wait a bit, he'll take his words back. I am waiting from hour
to hour for him to come and abjure his evidence. I have come to like
that Nikolay and am studying him in detail. And what do you think?
He-he! He answered me very plausibly on some points, he obviously had
collected some evidence and prepared himself cleverly. But on other
points he is simply at sea, knows nothing and doesn't even suspect that
he doesn't know!
"No, Rodion Romanovitch, Nikolay doesn't come
in! This is a fantastic, gloomy business, a modern case, an incident of
to-day when the heart of man is troubled, when the phrase is quoted that
blood 'renews,' when comfort is preached as the aim of life. Here we
have bookish dreams, a heart unhinged by theories. Here we see
resolution in the first stage, but resolution of a special kind: he
resolved to do it like jumping over a precipice or from a bell tower and
his legs shook as he went to the crime. He forgot to shut the door after
him, and murdered two people for a theory. He committed the murder and
couldn't take the money, and what he did manage to snatch up he hid
under a stone. It wasn't enough for him to suffer agony behind the door
while they battered at the door and rung the bell, no, he had to go to
the empty lodging, half delirious, to recall the bell-ringing, he wanted
to feel the cold shiver over again.... Well, that we grant, was through
illness, but consider this: he is a murderer, but looks upon himself as
an honest man, despises others, poses as injured innocence. No, that's
not the work of a Nikolay, my dear Rodion Romanovitch!"
All that had been said before had sounded so like
a recantation that these words were too great a shock. Raskolnikov
shuddered as though he had been stabbed.
"Then... who then... is the murderer?"
he asked in a breathless voice, unable to restrain himself.
Porfiry Petrovitch sank back in his chair, as
though he were amazed at the question.
"Who is the murderer?" he repeated, as
though unable to believe his ears. "Why, you, Rodion
Romanovitch! You are the murderer," he added, almost in a whisper,
in a voice of genuine conviction.
Raskolnikov leapt from the sofa, stood up for a
few seconds and sat down again without uttering a word. His face
twitched convulsively.
"Your lip is twitching just as it did
before," Porfiry Petrovitch observed almost sympathetically.
"You've been misunderstanding me, I think, Rodion
Romanovitch," he added after a brief pause, "that's why you
are so surprised. I came on purpose to tell you everything and deal
openly with you."
"It was not I murdered her," Raskolnikov
whispered like a frightened child caught in the act.
"No, it was you, you Rodion Romanovitch, and
no one else," Porfiry whispered sternly, with conviction.
They were both silent and the silence lasted
strangely long, about ten minutes. Raskolnikov put his elbow on the
table and passed his fingers through his hair. Porfiry Petrovitch sat
quietly waiting. Suddenly Raskolnikov looked scornfully at Porfiry.
"You are at your old tricks again, Porfiry
Petrovitch! Your old method again. I wonder you don't get sick of
it!"
"Oh, stop that, what does that matter now? It
would be a different matter if there were witnesses present, but we are
whispering alone. You see yourself that I have not come to chase and
capture you like a hare. Whether you confess it or not is nothing to me
now; for myself, I am convinced without it."
"If so, what did you come for?"
Raskolnikov asked irritably. "I ask you the same question again: if
you consider me guilty, why don't you take me to prison?"
"Oh, that's your question! I will answer you,
point for point. In the first place, to arrest you so directly is not to
my interest."
"How so? If you are convinced you
ought...."
"Ach, what if I am convinced? That's only my
dream for the time. Why should I put you in safety? You know that's it,
since you ask me to do it. If I confront you with that workman for
instance and you say to him 'were you drunk or not? Who saw me with you?
I simply took you to be drunk, and you were drunk, too.' Well, what
could I answer, especially as your story is a more likely one than his?
for there's nothing but psychology to support his evidence—that's
almost unseemly with his ugly mug, while you hit the mark exactly, for
the rascal is an inveterate drunkard and notoriously so. And I have
myself admitted candidly several times already that that psychology can
be taken in two ways and that the second way is stronger and looks far
more probable, and that apart from that I have as yet nothing against
you. And though I shall put you in prison and indeed have come—quite
contrary to etiquette—to inform you of it beforehand, yet I tell you
frankly, also contrary to etiquette, that it won't be to my advantage.
Well, secondly, I've come to you because..."
"Yes, yes, secondly?" Raskolnikov was
listening breathless.
"Because, as I told you just now, I consider
I owe you an explanation. I don't want you to look upon me as a monster,
as I have a genuine liking for you, you may believe me or not. And in
the third place I've come to you with a direct and open
proposition—that you should surrender and confess. It will be
infinitely more to your advantage and to my advantage too, for my task
will be done. Well, is this open on my part or not?"
Raskolnikov thought a minute.
"Listen, Porfiry Petrovitch. You said just
now you have nothing but psychology to go on, yet now you've gone on
mathematics. Well, what if you are mistaken yourself, now?"
"No, Rodion Romanovitch, I am not mistaken. I
have a little fact even then, Providence sent it me."
"What little fact?"
"I won't tell you what, Rodion Romanovitch.
And in any case, I haven't the right to put it off any longer, I must
arrest you. So think it over: it makes no difference to me now
and so I speak only for your sake. Believe me, it will be better, Rodion
Romanovitch."
Raskolnikov smiled malignantly.
"That's not simply ridiculous, it's
positively shameless. Why, even if I were guilty, which I don't admit,
what reason should I have to confess, when you tell me yourself that I
shall be in greater safety in prison?"
"Ah, Rodion Romanovitch, don't put too much
faith in words, perhaps prison will not be altogether a restful place.
That's only theory and my theory, and what authority am I for you?
Perhaps, too, even now I am hiding something from you? I can't lay bare
everything, he-he! And how can you ask what advantage? Don't you know
how it would lessen your sentence? You would be confessing at a moment
when another man has taken the crime on himself and so has muddled the
whole case. Consider that! I swear before God that I will so arrange
that your confession shall come as a complete surprise. We will make a
clean sweep of all these psychological points, of a suspicion against
you, so that your crime will appear to have been something like an
aberration, for in truth it was an aberration. I am an honest man,
Rodion Romanovitch, and will keep my word."
Raskolnikov maintained a mournful silence and let
his head sink dejectedly. He pondered a long while and at last smiled
again, but his smile was sad and gentle.
"No!" he said, apparently abandoning all
attempt to keep up appearances with Porfiry, "it's not worth it, I
don't care about lessening the sentence!"
"That's just what I was afraid of!"
Porfiry cried warmly and, as it seemed, involuntarily. "That's just
what I feared, that you wouldn't care about the mitigation of
sentence."
Raskolnikov looked sadly and expressively at him.
"Ah, don't disdain life!" Porfiry went
on. "You have a great deal of it still before you. How can you say
you don't want a mitigation of sentence? You are an impatient
fellow!"
"A great deal of what lies before me?"
"Of life. What sort of prophet are you, do
you know much about it? Seek and ye shall find. This may be God's means
for bringing you to Him. And it's not for ever, the bondage...."
"The time will be shortened," laughed
Raskolnikov.
"Why, is it the bourgeois disgrace you are
afraid of? It may be that you are afraid of it without knowing it,
because you are young! But anyway you shouldn't be afraid of
giving yourself up and confessing."
"Ach, hang it!" Raskolnikov whispered
with loathing and contempt, as though he did not want to speak aloud.
He got up again as though he meant to go away, but
sat down again in evident despair.
"Hang it, if you like! You've lost faith and
you think that I am grossly flattering you; but how long has your life
been? How much do you understand? You made up a theory and then were
ashamed that it broke down and turned out to be not at all original! It
turned out something base, that's true, but you are not hopelessly base.
By no means so base! At least you didn't deceive yourself for long, you
went straight to the furthest point at one bound. How do I regard you? I
regard you as one of those men who would stand and smile at their
torturer while he cuts their entrails out, if only they have found faith
or God. Find it and you will live. You have long needed a change of air.
Suffering, too, is a good thing. Suffer! Maybe Nikolay is right in
wanting to suffer. I know you don't believe in it—but don't be
over-wise; fling yourself straight into life, without deliberation;
don't be afraid—the flood will bear you to the bank and set you safe
on your feet again. What bank? How can I tell? I only believe that you
have long life before you. I know that you take all my words now for a
set speech prepared beforehand, but maybe you will remember them after.
They may be of use some time. That's why I speak. It's as well that you
only killed the old woman. If you'd invented another theory you might
perhaps have done something a thousand times more hideous. You ought to
thank God, perhaps. How do you know? Perhaps God is saving you for
something. But keep a good heart and have less fear! Are you afraid of
the great expiation before you? No, it would be shameful to be afraid of
it. Since you have taken such a step, you must harden your heart. There
is justice in it. You must fulfil the demands of justice. I know that
you don't believe it, but indeed, life will bring you through. You will
live it down in time. What you need now is fresh air, fresh air, fresh
air!"
Raskolnikov positively started.
"But who are you? what prophet are you? From
the height of what majestic calm do you proclaim these words of
wisdom?"
"Who am I? I am a man with nothing to hope
for, that's all. A man perhaps of feeling and sympathy, maybe of some
knowledge too, but my day is over. But you are a different matter, there
is life waiting for you. Though, who knows? maybe your life, too, will
pass off in smoke and come to nothing. Come, what does it matter, that
you will pass into another class of men? It's not comfort you regret,
with your heart! What of it that perhaps no one will see you for so
long? It's not time, but yourself that will decide that. Be the sun and
all will see you. The sun has before all to be the sun. Why are you
smiling again? At my being such a Schiller? I bet you're imagining that
I am trying to get round you by flattery. Well, perhaps I am, he-he-he!
Perhaps you'd better not believe my word, perhaps you'd better never
believe it altogether—I'm made that way, I confess it. But let me add,
you can judge for yourself, I think, how far I am a base sort of man and
how far I am honest."
"When do you mean to arrest me?"
"Well, I can let you walk about another day
or two. Think it over, my dear fellow, and pray to God. It's more in
your interest, believe me."
"And what if I run away?" asked
Raskolnikov with a strange smile.
"No, you won't run away. A peasant would run
away, a fashionable dissenter would run away, the flunkey of another
man's thought, for you've only to show him the end of your little finger
and he'll be ready to believe in anything for the rest of his life. But
you've ceased to believe in your theory already, what will you run away
with? And what would you do in hiding? It would be hateful and difficult
for you, and what you need more than anything in life is a definite
position, an atmosphere to suit you. And what sort of atmosphere would
you have? If you ran away, you'd come back to yourself. You can't get
on without us. And if I put you in prison—say you've been there a
month, or two, or three—remember my word, you'll confess of yourself
and perhaps to your own surprise. You won't know an hour beforehand that
you are coming with a confession. I am convinced that you will decide,
'to take your suffering.' You don't believe my words now, but you'll
come to it of yourself. For suffering, Rodion Romanovitch, is a great
thing. Never mind my having grown fat, I know all the same. Don't laugh
at it, there's an idea in suffering, Nokolay is right. No, you won't run
away, Rodion Romanovitch."
Raskolnikov got up and took his cap. Porfiry
Petrovitch also rose.
"Are you going for a walk? The evening will
be fine, if only we don't have a storm. Though it would be a good thing
to freshen the air."
He, too, took his cap.
"Porfiry Petrovitch, please don't take up the
notion that I have confessed to you to-day," Raskolnikov pronounced
with sullen insistence. "You're a strange man and I have listened
to you from simple curiosity. But I have admitted nothing, remember
that!"
"Oh, I know that, I'll remember. Look at him,
he's trembling! Don't be uneasy, my dear fellow, have it your own way.
Walk about a bit, you won't be able to walk too far. If anything
happens, I have one request to make of you," he added, dropping his
voice. "It's an awkward one, but important. If anything were to
happen (though indeed I don't believe in it and think you quite
incapable of it), yet in case you were taken during these forty or fifty
hours with the notion of putting an end to the business in some other
way, in some fantastic fashion—laying hands on yourself—(it's an
absurd proposition, but you must forgive me for it) do leave a brief but
precise note, only two lines, and mention the stone. It will be more
generous. Come, till we meet! Good thoughts and sound decisions to
you!"
Porfiry went out, stooping and avoiding looking at
Raskolnikov. The latter went to the window and waited with irritable
impatience till he calculated that Porfiry had reached the street and
moved away. Then he too went hurriedly out of the room.
CHAPTER III
He hurried to Svidrigaïlov's. What he had to hope
from that man he did not know. But that man had some hidden power over
him. Having once recognised this, he could not rest, and now the time
had come.
On the way, one question particularly worried him:
had Svidrigaïlov been to Porfiry's?
As far as he could judge, he would swear to it,
that he had not. He pondered again and again, went over Porfiry's visit;
no, he hadn't been, of course he hadn't.
But if he had not been yet, would he go?
Meanwhile, for the present he fancied he couldn't. Why? He could not
have explained, but if he could, he would not have wasted much thought
over it at the moment. It all worried him and at the same time he could
not attend to it. Strange to say, none would have believed it perhaps,
but he only felt a faint vague anxiety about his immediate future.
Another, much more important anxiety tormented him—it concerned
himself, but in a different, more vital way. Moreover, he was conscious
of immense moral fatigue, though his mind was working better that
morning than it had done of late.
And was it worth while, after all that had
happened, to contend with these new trivial difficulties? Was it worth
while, for instance, to manoeuvre that Svidrigaïlov should not go to
Porfiry's? Was it worth while to investigate, to ascertain the facts, to
waste time over anyone like Svidrigaïlov?
Oh, how sick he was of it all!
And yet he was hastening to Svidrigaïlov; could
he be expecting something new from him, information, or means of
escape? Men will catch at straws! Was it destiny or some instinct
bringing them together? Perhaps it was only fatigue, despair; perhaps it
was not Svidrigaïlov but some other whom he needed, and Svidrigaïlov
had simply presented himself by chance. Sonia? But what should he go to
Sonia for now? To beg her tears again? He was afraid of Sonia, too.
Sonia stood before him as an irrevocable sentence. He must go his own
way or hers. At that moment especially he did not feel equal to seeing
her. No, would it not be better to try Svidrigaïlov? And he could not
help inwardly owning that he had long felt that he must see him for some
reason.
But what could they have in common? Their very
evil-doing could not be of the same kind. The man, moreover, was very
unpleasant, evidently depraved, undoubtedly cunning and deceitful,
possibly malignant. Such stories were told about him. It is true he was
befriending Katerina Ivanovna's children, but who could tell with what
motive and what it meant? The man always had some design, some project.
There was another thought which had been
continually hovering of late about Raskolnikov's mind, and causing him
great uneasiness. It was so painful that he made distinct efforts to get
rid of it. He sometimes thought that Svidrigaïlov was dogging his
footsteps. Svidrigaïlov had found out his secret and had had designs on
Dounia. What if he had them still? Wasn't it practically certain that he
had? And what if, having learnt his secret and so having gained power
over him, he were to use it as a weapon against Dounia?
This idea sometimes even tormented his dreams, but
it had never presented itself so vividly to him as on his way to
Svidrigaïlov. The very thought moved him to gloomy rage. To begin with,
this would transform everything, even his own position; he would have at
once to confess his secret to Dounia. Would he have to give himself up
perhaps to prevent Dounia from taking some rash step? The letter? This
morning Dounia had received a letter. From whom could she get letters in
Petersburg? Luzhin, perhaps? It's true Razumihin was there to protect
her, but Razumihin knew nothing of the position. Perhaps it was his duty
to tell Razumihin? He thought of it with repugnance.
In any case he must see Svidrigaïlov as soon as
possible, he decided finally. Thank God, the details of the interview
were of little consequence, if only he could get at the root of the
matter; but if Svidrigaïlov were capable... if he were intriguing
against Dounia—then...
Raskolnikov was so exhausted by what he had passed
through that month that he could only decide such questions in one way;
"then I shall kill him," he thought in cold despair.
A sudden anguish oppressed his heart, he stood
still in the middle of the street and began looking about to see where
he was and which way he was going. He found himself in X. Prospect,
thirty or forty paces from the Hay Market, through which he had come.
The whole second storey of the house on the left was used as a tavern.
All the windows were wide open; judging from the figures moving at the
windows, the rooms were full to overflowing. There were sounds of
singing, of clarionet and violin, and the boom of a Turkish drum. He
could hear women shrieking. He was about to turn back wondering why he
had come to the X. Prospect, when suddenly at one of the end windows he
saw Svidrigaïlov, sitting at a tea-table right in the open window with
a pipe in his mouth. Raskolnikov was dreadfully taken aback, almost
terrified. Svidrigaïlov was silently watching and scrutinising him and,
what struck Raskolnikov at once, seemed to be meaning to get up and slip
away unobserved. Raskolnikov at once pretended not to have seen him, but
to be looking absent-mindedly away, while he watched him out of the
corner of his eye. His heart was beating violently. Yet, it was evident
that Svidrigaïlov did not want to be seen. He took the pipe out of his
mouth and was on the point of concealing himself, but as he got up and
moved back his chair, he seemed to have become suddenly aware that
Raskolnikov had seen him, and was watching him. What had passed between
them was much the same as what happened at their first meeting in
Raskolnikov's room. A sly smile came into Svidrigaïlov's face and grew
broader and broader. Each knew that he was seen and watched by the
other. At last Svidrigaïlov broke into a loud laugh.
"Well, well, come in if you want me; I am
here!" he shouted from the window.
Raskolnikov went up into the tavern. He found
Svidrigaïlov in a tiny back room, adjoining the saloon in which
merchants, clerks and numbers of people of all sorts were drinking tea
at twenty little tables to the desperate bawling of a chorus of singers.
The click of billiard balls could be heard in the distance. On the table
before Svidrigaïlov stood an open bottle and a glass half full of
champagne. In the room he found also a boy with a little hand organ, a
healthy-looking red-cheeked girl of eighteen, wearing a tucked-up
striped skirt, and a Tyrolese hat with ribbons. In spite of the chorus
in the other room, she was singing some servants' hall song in a rather
husky contralto, to the accompaniment of the organ.
"Come, that's enough," Svidrigaïlov
stopped her at Raskolnikov's entrance. The girl at once broke off and
stood waiting respectfully. She had sung her guttural rhymes, too, with
a serious and respectful expression in her face.
"Hey, Philip, a glass!" shouted Svidrigaïlov.
"I won't drink anything," said
Raskolnikov.
"As you like, I didn't mean it for you.
Drink, Katia! I don't want anything more to-day, you can go." He
poured her out a full glass, and laid down a yellow note.
Katia drank off her glass of wine, as women do,
without putting it down, in twenty gulps, took the note and kissed
Svidrigaïlov's hand, which he allowed quite seriously. She went out of
the room and the boy trailed after her with the organ. Both had been
brought in from the street. Svidrigaïlov had not been a week in
Petersburg, but everything about him was already, so to speak, on a
patriarchal footing; the waiter, Philip, was by now an old friend and
very obsequious.
The door leading to the saloon had a lock on it.
Svidrigaïlov was at home in this room and perhaps spent whole days in
it. The tavern was dirty and wretched, not even second-rate.
"I was going to see you and looking for
you," Raskolnikov began, "but I don't know what made me turn
from the Hay Market into the X. Prospect just now. I never take this
turning. I turn to the right from the Hay Market. And this isn't the way
to you. I simply turned and here you are. It is strange!"
"Why don't you say at once 'it's a
miracle'?"
"Because it may be only chance."
"Oh, that's the way with all you folk,"
laughed Svidrigaïlov. "You won't admit it, even if you do inwardly
believe it a miracle! Here you say that it may be only chance. And what
cowards they all are here, about having an opinion of their own, you
can't fancy, Rodion Romanovitch. I don't mean you, you have an opinion
of your own and are not afraid to have it. That's how it was you
attracted my curiosity."
"Nothing else?"
"Well, that's enough, you know,"
Svidrigaïlov was obviously exhilarated, but only slightly so, he had
not had more than half a glass of wine.
"I fancy you came to see me before you knew
that I was capable of having what you call an opinion of my own,"
observed Raskolnikov.
"Oh, well, it was a different matter.
Everyone has his own plans. And apropos of the miracle let me tell you
that I think you have been asleep for the last two or three days. I told
you of this tavern myself, there is no miracle in your coming straight
here. I explained the way myself, told you where it was, and the hours
you could find me here. Do you remember?"
"I don't remember," answered Raskolnikov
with surprise.
"I believe you. I told you twice. The address
has been stamped mechanically on your memory. You turned this way
mechanically and yet precisely according to the direction, though you
are not aware of it. When I told you then, I hardly hoped you understood
me. You give yourself away too much, Rodion Romanovitch. And another
thing, I'm convinced there are lots of people in Petersburg who talk to
themselves as they walk. This is a town of crazy people. If only we had
scientific men, doctors, lawyers and philosophers might make most
valuable investigations in Petersburg each in his own line. There are
few places where there are so many gloomy, strong and queer influences
on the soul of man as in Petersburg. The mere influences of climate mean
so much. And it's the administrative centre of all Russia and its
character must be reflected on the whole country. But that is neither
here nor there now. The point is that I have several times watched you.
You walk out of your house—holding your head high—twenty paces from
home you let it sink, and fold your hands behind your back. You look and
evidently see nothing before nor beside you. At last you begin moving
your lips and talking to yourself, and sometimes you wave one hand and
declaim, and at last stand still in the middle of the road. That's not
at all the thing. Someone may be watching you besides me, and it won't
do you any good. It's nothing really to do with me and I can't cure you,
but, of course, you understand me."
"Do you know that I am being followed?"
asked Raskolnikov, looking inquisitively at him.
"No, I know nothing about it," said
Svidrigaïlov, seeming surprised.
"Well, then, let us leave me alone,"
Raskolnikov muttered, frowning.
"Very good, let us leave you alone."
"You had better tell me, if you come here to
drink, and directed me twice to come here to you, why did you hide, and
try to get away just now when I looked at the window from the street? I
saw it."
"He-he! And why was it you lay on your sofa
with closed eyes and pretended to be asleep, though you were wide awake
while I stood in your doorway? I saw it."
"I may have had... reasons. You know that
yourself."
"And I may have had my reasons, though you
don't know them."
Raskolnikov dropped his right elbow on the table,
leaned his chin in the fingers of his right hand, and stared intently at
Svidrigaïlov. For a full minute he scrutinised his face, which had
impressed him before. It was a strange face, like a mask; white and red,
with bright red lips, with a flaxen beard, and still thick flaxen hair.
His eyes were somehow too blue and their expression somehow too heavy
and fixed. There was something awfully unpleasant in that handsome face,
which looked so wonderfully young for his age. Svidrigaïlov was smartly
dressed in light summer clothes and was particularly dainty in his
linen. He wore a huge ring with a precious stone in it.
"Have I got to bother myself about you, too,
now?" said Raskolnikov suddenly, coming with nervous impatience
straight to the point. "Even though perhaps you are the most
dangerous man if you care to injure me, I don't want to put myself out
any more. I will show you at once that I don't prize myself as you
probably think I do. I've come to tell you at once that if you keep to
your former intentions with regard to my sister and if you think to
derive any benefit in that direction from what has been discovered of
late, I will kill you before you get me locked up. You can reckon on my
word. You know that I can keep it. And in the second place if you want
to tell me anything—for I keep fancying all this time that you have
something to tell me—make haste and tell it, for time is precious and
very likely it will soon be too late."
"Why in such haste?" asked Svidrigaïlov,
looking at him curiously.
"Everyone has his plans," Raskolnikov
answered gloomily and impatiently.
"You urged me yourself to frankness just now,
and at the first question you refuse to answer," Svidrigaïlov
observed with a smile. "You keep fancying that I have aims of my
own and so you look at me with suspicion. Of course it's perfectly
natural in your position. But though I should like to be friends with
you, I shan't trouble myself to convince you of the contrary. The game
isn't worth the candle and I wasn't intending to talk to you about
anything special."
"What did you want me, for, then? It was you
who came hanging about me."
"Why, simply as an interesting subject for
observation. I liked the fantastic nature of your position—that's what
it was! Besides you are the brother of a person who greatly interested
me, and from that person I had in the past heard a very great deal about
you, from which I gathered that you had a great influence over her;
isn't that enough? Ha-ha-ha! Still I must admit that your question is
rather complex, and is difficult for me to answer. Here, you, for
instance, have come to me not only for a definite object, but for the
sake of hearing something new. Isn't that so? Isn't that so?"
persisted Svidrigaïlov with a sly smile. "Well, can't you fancy
then that I, too, on my way here in the train was reckoning on you, on
your telling me something new, and on my making some profit out of you!
You see what rich men we are!"
"What profit could you make?"
"How can I tell you? How do I know? You see
in what a tavern I spend all my time and it's my enjoyment, that's to
say it's no great enjoyment, but one must sit somewhere; that poor Katia
now—you saw her?... If only I had been a glutton now, a club gourmand,
but you see I can eat this."
He pointed to a little table in the corner where
the remnants of a terrible-looking beef-steak and potatoes lay on a tin
dish.
"Have you dined, by the way? I've had
something and want nothing more. I don't drink, for instance, at all.
Except for champagne I never touch anything, and not more than a glass
of that all the evening, and even that is enough to make my head ache. I
ordered it just now to wind myself up, for I am just going off somewhere
and you see me in a peculiar state of mind. That was why I hid myself
just now like a schoolboy, for I was afraid you would hinder me. But I
believe," he pulled out his watch, "I can spend an hour with
you. It's half-past four now. If only I'd been something, a landowner, a
father, a cavalry officer, a photographer, a journalist... I am nothing,
no specialty, and sometimes I am positively bored. I really thought you
would tell me something new."
"But what are you, and why have you come
here?"
"What am I? You know, a gentleman, I served
for two years in the cavalry, then I knocked about here in Petersburg,
then I married Marfa Petrovna and lived in the country. There you have
my biography!"
"You are a gambler, I believe?"
"No, a poor sort of gambler. A
card-sharper—not a gambler."
"You have been a card-sharper then?"
"Yes, I've been a card-sharper too."
"Didn't you get thrashed sometimes?"
"It did happen. Why?"
"Why, you might have challenged them...
altogether it must have been lively."
"I won't contradict you, and besides I am no
hand at philosophy. I confess that I hastened here for the sake of the
women."
"As soon as you buried Marfa Petrovna?"
"Quite so," Svidrigaïlov smiled with
engaging candour. "What of it? You seem to find something wrong in
my speaking like that about women?"
"You ask whether I find anything wrong in
vice?"
"Vice! Oh, that's what you are after! But
I'll answer you in order, first about women in general; you know I am
fond of talking. Tell me, what should I restrain myself for? Why should
I give up women, since I have a passion for them? It's an occupation,
anyway."
"So you hope for nothing here but vice?"
"Oh, very well, for vice then. You insist on
its being vice. But anyway I like a direct question. In this vice at
least there is something permanent, founded indeed upon nature and not
dependent on fantasy, something present in the blood like an
ever-burning ember, for ever setting one on fire and, maybe, not to be
quickly extinguished, even with years. You'll agree it's an occupation
of a sort."
"That's nothing to rejoice at, it's a disease
and a dangerous one."
"Oh, that's what you think, is it! I agree,
that it is a disease like everything that exceeds moderation. And, of
course, in this one must exceed moderation. But in the first place,
everybody does so in one way or another, and in the second place, of
course, one ought to be moderate and prudent, however mean it may be,
but what am I to do? If I hadn't this, I might have to shoot myself. I
am ready to admit that a decent man ought to put up with being bored,
but yet..."
"And could you shoot yourself?"
"Oh, come!" Svidrigaïlov parried with
disgust. "Please don't speak of it," he added hurriedly and
with none of the bragging tone he had shown in all the previous
conversation. His face quite changed. "I admit it's an unpardonable
weakness, but I can't help it. I am afraid of death and I dislike its
being talked of. Do you know that I am to a certain extent a
mystic?"
"Ah, the apparitions of Marfa Petrovna! Do
they still go on visiting you?"
"Oh, don't talk of them; there have been no
more in Petersburg, confound them!" he cried with an air of
irritation. "Let's rather talk of that... though... H'm! I have not
much time, and can't stay long with you, it's a pity! I should have
found plenty to tell you."
"What's your engagement, a woman?"
"Yes, a woman, a casual incident.... No,
that's not what I want to talk of."
"And the hideousness, the filthiness of all
your surroundings, doesn't that affect you? Have you lost the strength
to stop yourself?"
"And do you pretend to strength, too?
He-he-he! You surprised me just now, Rodion Romanovitch, though I knew
beforehand it would be so. You preach to me about vice and æsthetics!
You—a Schiller, you—an idealist! Of course that's all as it should
be and it would be surprising if it were not so, yet it is strange in
reality.... Ah, what a pity I have no time, for you're a most
interesting type! And, by-the-way, are you fond of Schiller? I am
awfully fond of him."
"But what a braggart you are,"
Raskolnikov said with some disgust.
"Upon my word, I am not," answered
Svidrigaïlov laughing. "However, I won't dispute it, let me be a
braggart, why not brag, if it hurts no one? I spent seven years in the
country with Marfa Petrovna, so now when I come across an intelligent
person like you—intelligent and highly interesting—I am simply glad
to talk and, besides, I've drunk that half-glass of champagne and it's
gone to my head a little. And besides, there's a certain fact that has
wound me up tremendously, but about that I... will keep quiet. Where are
you off to?" he asked in alarm.
Raskolnikov had begun getting up. He felt
oppressed and stifled and, as it were, ill at ease at having come here.
He felt convinced that Svidrigaïlov was the most worthless scoundrel on
the face of the earth.
"A-ach! Sit down, stay a little!"
Svidrigaïlov begged. "Let them bring you some tea, anyway. Stay a
little, I won't talk nonsense, about myself, I mean. I'll tell you
something. If you like I'll tell you how a woman tried 'to save' me, as
you would call it? It will be an answer to your first question indeed,
for the woman was your sister. May I tell you? It will help to spend the
time."
"Tell me, but I trust that you..."
"Oh, don't be uneasy. Besides, even in a
worthless low fellow like me, Avdotya Romanovna can only excite the
deepest respect."
CHAPTER IV
"You know perhaps—yes, I told you
myself," began Svidrigaïlov, "that I was in the debtors'
prison here, for an immense sum, and had not any expectation of being
able to pay it. There's no need to go into particulars how Marfa
Petrovna bought me out; do you know to what a point of insanity a woman
can sometimes love? She was an honest woman, and very sensible, although
completely uneducated. Would you believe that this honest and jealous
woman, after many scenes of hysterics and reproaches, condescended to
enter into a kind of contract with me which she kept throughout our
married life? She was considerably older than I, and besides, she always
kept a clove or something in her mouth. There was so much swinishness in
my soul and honesty too, of a sort, as to tell her straight out that I
couldn't be absolutely faithful to her. This confession drove her to
frenzy, but yet she seems in a way to have liked my brutal frankness.
She thought it showed I was unwilling to deceive her if I warned her
like this beforehand and for a jealous woman, you know, that's the first
consideration. After many tears an unwritten contract was drawn up
between us: first, that I would never leave Marfa Petrovna and would
always be her husband; secondly, that I would never absent myself
without her permission; thirdly, that I would never set up a permanent
mistress; fourthly, in return for this, Marfa Petrovna gave me a free
hand with the maidservants, but only with her secret knowledge; fifthly,
God forbid my falling in love with a woman of our class; sixthly, in
case I—which God forbid—should be visited by a great serious passion
I was bound to reveal it to Marfa Petrovna. On this last score, however,
Marfa Petrovna was fairly at ease. She was a sensible woman and so she
could not help looking upon me as a dissolute profligate incapable of
real love. But a sensible woman and a jealous woman are two very
different things, and that's where the trouble came in. But to judge
some people impartially we must renounce certain preconceived opinions
and our habitual attitude to the ordinary people about us. I have reason
to have faith in your judgment rather than in anyone's. Perhaps you have
already heard a great deal that was ridiculous and absurd about Marfa
Petrovna. She certainly had some very ridiculous ways, but I tell you
frankly that I feel really sorry for the innumerable woes of which I was
the cause. Well, and that's enough, I think, by way of a decorous oraison
funèbre for the most tender wife of a most tender husband. When we
quarrelled, I usually held my tongue and did not irritate her and that
gentlemanly conduct rarely failed to attain its object, it influenced
her, it pleased her, indeed. These were times when she was positively
proud of me. But your sister she couldn't put up with, anyway. And
however she came to risk taking such a beautiful creature into her house
as a governess. My explanation is that Marfa Petrovna was an ardent and
impressionable woman and simply fell in love herself—literally fell in
love—with your sister. Well, little wonder—look at Avdotya
Romanovna! I saw the danger at the first glance and what do you think, I
resolved not to look at her even. But Avdotya Romanovna herself made the
first step, would you believe it? Would you believe it too that Marfa
Petrovna was positively angry with me at first for my persistent silence
about your sister, for my careless reception of her continual adoring
praises of Avdotya Romanovna. I don't know what it was she wanted! Well,
of course, Marfa Petrovna told Avdotya Romanovna every detail about me.
She had the unfortunate habit of telling literally everyone all our
family secrets and continually complaining of me; how could she fail to
confide in such a delightful new friend? I expect they talked of nothing
else but me and no doubt Avdotya Romanovna heard all those dark
mysterious rumours that were current about me.... I don't mind betting
that you too have heard something of the sort already?"
"I have. Luzhin charged you with having
caused the death of a child. Is that true?"
"Don't refer to those vulgar tales, I
beg," said Svidrigaïlov with disgust and annoyance. "If you
insist on wanting to know about all that idiocy, I will tell you one
day, but now..."
"I was told too about some footman of yours
in the country whom you treated badly."
"I beg you to drop the subject,"
Svidrigaïlov interrupted again with obvious impatience.
"Was that the footman who came to you after
death to fill your pipe?... you told me about it yourself."
Raskolnikov felt more and more irritated.
Svidrigaïlov looked at him attentively and
Raskolnikov fancied he caught a flash of spiteful mockery in that look.
But Svidrigaïlov restrained himself and answered very civilly:
"Yes, it was. I see that you, too, are
extremely interested and shall feel it my duty to satisfy your curiosity
at the first opportunity. Upon my soul! I see that I really might pass
for a romantic figure with some people. Judge how grateful I must be to
Marfa Petrovna for having repeated to Avdotya Romanovna such mysterious
and interesting gossip about me. I dare not guess what impression it
made on her, but in any case it worked in my interests. With all Avdotya
Romanovna's natural aversion and in spite of my invariably gloomy and
repellent aspect—she did at least feel pity for me, pity for a lost
soul. And if once a girl's heart is moved to pity, it's more
dangerous than anything. She is bound to want to 'save him,' to bring
him to his senses, and lift him up and draw him to nobler aims, and
restore him to new life and usefulness—well, we all know how far such
dreams can go. I saw at once that the bird was flying into the cage of
herself. And I too made ready. I think you are frowning, Rodion
Romanovitch? There's no need. As you know, it all ended in smoke. (Hang
it all, what a lot I am drinking!) Do you know, I always, from the very
beginning, regretted that it wasn't your sister's fate to be born in the
second or third century A.D., as the daughter of a reigning prince or
some governor or pro-consul in Asia Minor. She would undoubtedly have
been one of those who would endure martyrdom and would have smiled when
they branded her bosom with hot pincers. And she would have gone to it
of herself. And in the fourth or fifth century she would have walked
away into the Egyptian desert and would have stayed there thirty years
living on roots and ecstasies and visions. She is simply thirsting to
face some torture for someone, and if she can't get her torture, she'll
throw herself out of a window. I've heard something of a Mr.
Razumihin—he's said to be a sensible fellow; his surname suggests it,
indeed. He's probably a divinity student. Well, he'd better look after
your sister! I believe I understand her, and I am proud of it. But at
the beginning of an acquaintance, as you know, one is apt to be more
heedless and stupid. One doesn't see clearly. Hang it all, why is she so
handsome? It's not my fault. In fact, it began on my side with a most
irresistible physical desire. Avdotya Romanovna is awfully chaste,
incredibly and phenomenally so. Take note, I tell you this about your
sister as a fact. She is almost morbidly chaste, in spite of her broad
intelligence, and it will stand in her way. There happened to be a girl
in the house then, Parasha, a black-eyed wench, whom I had never seen
before—she had just come from another village—very pretty, but
incredibly stupid: she burst into tears, wailed so that she could be
heard all over the place and caused scandal. One day after dinner
Avdotya Romanovna followed me into an avenue in the garden and with
flashing eyes insisted on my leaving poor Parasha alone. It was
almost our first conversation by ourselves. I, of course, was only too
pleased to obey her wishes, tried to appear disconcerted, embarrassed,
in fact played my part not badly. Then came interviews, mysterious
conversations, exhortations, entreaties, supplications, even
tears—would you believe it, even tears? Think what the passion for
propaganda will bring some girls to! I, of course, threw it all on my
destiny, posed as hungering and thirsting for light, and finally
resorted to the most powerful weapon in the subjection of the female
heart, a weapon which never fails one. It's the well-known
resource—flattery. Nothing in the world is harder than speaking the
truth and nothing easier than flattery. If there's the hundredth part of
a false note in speaking the truth, it leads to a discord, and that
leads to trouble. But if all, to the last note, is false in flattery, it
is just as agreeable, and is heard not without satisfaction. It may be a
coarse satisfaction, but still a satisfaction. And however coarse the
flattery, at least half will be sure to seem true. That's so for all
stages of development and classes of society. A vestal virgin might be
seduced by flattery. I can never remember without laughter how I once
seduced a lady who was devoted to her husband, her children, and her
principles. What fun it was and how little trouble! And the lady really
had principles—of her own, anyway. All my tactics lay in simply being
utterly annihilated and prostrate before her purity. I flattered her
shamelessly, and as soon as I succeeded in getting a pressure of the
hand, even a glance from her, I would reproach myself for having
snatched it by force, and would declare that she had resisted, so that I
could never have gained anything but for my being so unprincipled. I
maintained that she was so innocent that she could not foresee my
treachery, and yielded to me unconsciously, unawares, and so on. In
fact, I triumphed, while my lady remained firmly convinced that she was
innocent, chaste, and faithful to all her duties and obligations and had
succumbed quite by accident. And how angry she was with me when I
explained to her at last that it was my sincere conviction that she was
just as eager as I. Poor Marfa Petrovna was awfully weak on the side of
flattery, and if I had only cared to, I might have had all her property
settled on me during her lifetime. (I am drinking an awful lot of wine
now and talking too much.) I hope you won't be angry if I mention now
that I was beginning to produce the same effect on Avdotya Romanovna.
But I was stupid and impatient and spoiled it all. Avdotya Romanovna had
several times—and one time in particular—been greatly displeased by
the expression of my eyes, would you believe it? There was sometimes a
light in them which frightened her and grew stronger and stronger and
more unguarded till it was hateful to her. No need to go into detail,
but we parted. There I acted stupidly again. I fell to jeering in the
coarsest way at all such propaganda and efforts to convert me; Parasha
came on to the scene again, and not she alone; in fact there was a
tremendous to-do. Ah, Rodion Romanovitch, if you could only see how your
sister's eyes can flash sometimes! Never mind my being drunk at this
moment and having had a whole glass of wine. I am speaking the truth. I
assure you that this glance has haunted my dreams; the very rustle of
her dress was more than I could stand at last. I really began to think
that I might become epileptic. I could never have believed that I could
be moved to such a frenzy. It was essential, indeed, to be reconciled,
but by then it was impossible. And imagine what I did then! To what a
pitch of stupidity a man can be brought by frenzy! Never undertake
anything in a frenzy, Rodion Romanovitch. I reflected that Avdotya
Romanovna was after all a beggar (ach, excuse me, that's not the word...
but does it matter if it expresses the meaning?), that she lived by her
work, that she had her mother and you to keep (ach, hang it, you are
frowning again), and I resolved to offer her all my money—thirty
thousand roubles I could have realised then—if she would run away with
me here, to Petersburg. Of course I should have vowed eternal love,
rapture, and so on. Do you know, I was so wild about her at that time
that if she had told me to poison Marfa Petrovna or to cut her throat
and to marry herself, it would have been done at once! But it ended in
the catastrophe of which you know already. You can fancy how frantic I
was when I heard that Marfa Petrovna had got hold of that scoundrelly
attorney, Luzhin, and had almost made a match between them—which would
really have been just the same thing as I was proposing. Wouldn't it?
Wouldn't it? I notice that you've begun to be very attentive... you
interesting young man...."
Svidrigaïlov struck the table with his fist
impatiently. He was flushed. Raskolnikov saw clearly that the glass or
glass and a half of champagne that he had sipped almost unconsciously
was affecting him—and he resolved to take advantage of the
opportunity. He felt very suspicious of Svidrigaïlov.
"Well, after what you have said, I am fully
convinced that you have come to Petersburg with designs on my
sister," he said directly to Svidrigaïlov, in order to irritate
him further.
"Oh, nonsense," said Svidrigaïlov,
seeming to rouse himself. "Why, I told you... besides your sister
can't endure me."
"Yes, I am certain that she can't, but that's
not the point."
"Are you so sure that she can't?"
Svidrigaïlov screwed up his eyes and smiled mockingly. "You are
right, she doesn't love me, but you can never be sure of what has passed
between husband and wife or lover and mistress. There's always a little
corner which remains a secret to the world and is only known to those
two. Will you answer for it that Avdotya Romanovna regarded me with
aversion?"
"From some words you've dropped, I notice
that you still have designs—and of course evil ones—on Dounia and
mean to carry them out promptly."
"What, have I dropped words like that?"
Svidrigaïlov asked in naïve dismay, taking not the slightest notice of
the epithet bestowed on his designs.
"Why, you are dropping them even now. Why are
you so frightened? What are you so afraid of now?"
"Me—afraid? Afraid of you? You have rather
to be afraid of me, cher ami. But what nonsense.... I've drunk
too much though, I see that. I was almost saying too much again. Damn
the wine! Hi! there, water!"
He snatched up the champagne bottle and flung it
without ceremony out of the window. Philip brought the water.
"That's all nonsense!" said Svidrigaïlov,
wetting a towel and putting it to his head. "But I can answer you
in one word and annihilate all your suspicions. Do you know that I am
going to get married?"
"You told me so before."
"Did I? I've forgotten. But I couldn't have
told you so for certain for I had not even seen my betrothed; I only
meant to. But now I really have a betrothed and it's a settled thing,
and if it weren't that I have business that can't be put off, I would
have taken you to see them at once, for I should like to ask your
advice. Ach, hang it, only ten minutes left! See, look at the watch. But
I must tell you, for it's an interesting story, my marriage, in its own
way. Where are you off to? Going again?"
"No, I'm not going away now."
"Not at all? We shall see. I'll take you
there, I'll show you my betrothed, only not now. For you'll soon have to
be off. You have to go to the right and I to the left. Do you know that
Madame Resslich, the woman I am lodging with now, eh? I know what you're
thinking, that she's the woman whose girl they say drowned herself in
the winter. Come, are you listening? She arranged it all for me. You're
bored, she said, you want something to fill up your time. For, you know,
I am a gloomy, depressed person. Do you think I'm light-hearted? No, I'm
gloomy. I do no harm, but sit in a corner without speaking a word for
three days at a time. And that Resslich is a sly hussy, I tell you. I
know what she has got in her mind; she thinks I shall get sick of it,
abandon my wife and depart, and she'll get hold of her and make a profit
out of her—in our class, of course, or higher. She told me the father
was a broken-down retired official, who has been sitting in a chair for
the last three years with his legs paralysed. The mamma, she said, was a
sensible woman. There is a son serving in the provinces, but he doesn't
help; there is a daughter, who is married, but she doesn't visit them.
And they've two little nephews on their hands, as though their own
children were not enough, and they've taken from school their youngest
daughter, a girl who'll be sixteen in another month, so that then she
can be married. She was for me. We went there. How funny it was! I
present myself—a landowner, a widower, of a well-known name, with
connections, with a fortune. What if I am fifty and she is not sixteen?
Who thinks of that? But it's fascinating, isn't it? It is fascinating,
ha-ha! You should have seen how I talked to the papa and mamma. It was
worth paying to have seen me at that moment. She comes in, curtseys, you
can fancy, still in a short frock—an unopened bud! Flushing like a
sunset—she had been told, no doubt. I don't know how you feel about
female faces, but to my mind these sixteen years, these childish eyes,
shyness and tears of bashfulness are better than beauty; and she is a
perfect little picture, too. Fair hair in little curls, like a lamb's,
full little rosy lips, tiny feet, a charmer!... Well, we made friends. I
told them I was in a hurry owing to domestic circumstances, and the next
day, that is the day before yesterday, we were betrothed. When I go now
I take her on my knee at once and keep her there.... Well, she flushes
like a sunset and I kiss her every minute. Her mamma of course impresses
on her that this is her husband and that this must be so. It's simply
delicious! The present betrothed condition is perhaps better than
marriage. Here you have what is called la nature et la vérité,
ha-ha! I've talked to her twice, she is far from a fool. Sometimes she
steals a look at me that positively scorches me. Her face is like
Raphael's Madonna. You know, the Sistine Madonna's face has something
fantastic in it, the face of mournful religious ecstasy. Haven't you
noticed it? Well, she's something in that line. The day after we'd been
betrothed, I bought her presents to the value of fifteen hundred
roubles—a set of diamonds and another of pearls and a silver
dressing-case as large as this, with all sorts of things in it, so that
even my Madonna's face glowed. I sat her on my knee, yesterday, and I
suppose rather too unceremoniously—she flushed crimson and the tears
started, but she didn't want to show it. We were left alone, she
suddenly flung herself on my neck (for the first time of her own
accord), put her little arms round me, kissed me, and vowed that she
would be an obedient, faithful, and good wife, would make me happy,
would devote all her life, every minute of her life, would sacrifice
everything, everything, and that all she asks in return is my respect,
and that she wants 'nothing, nothing more from me, no presents.' You'll
admit that to hear such a confession, alone, from an angel of sixteen in
a muslin frock, with little curls, with a flush of maiden shyness in her
cheeks and tears of enthusiasm in her eyes is rather fascinating! Isn't
it fascinating? It's worth paying for, isn't it? Well... listen, we'll
go to see my betrothed, only not just now!"
"The fact is this monstrous difference in age
and development excites your sensuality! Will you really make such a
marriage?"
"Why, of course. Everyone thinks of himself,
and he lives most gaily who knows best how to deceive himself. Ha-ha!
But why are you so keen about virtue? Have mercy on me, my good friend.
I am a sinful man. Ha-ha-ha!"
"But you have provided for the children of
Katerina Ivanovna. Though... though you had your own reasons.... I
understand it all now."
"I am always fond of children, very fond of
them," laughed Svidrigaïlov. "I can tell you one curious
instance of it. The first day I came here I visited various haunts,
after seven years I simply rushed at them. You probably notice that I am
not in a hurry to renew acquaintance with my old friends. I shall do
without them as long as I can. Do you know, when I was with Marfa
Petrovna in the country, I was haunted by the thought of these places
where anyone who knows his way about can find a great deal. Yes, upon my
soul! The peasants have vodka, the educated young people, shut out from
activity, waste themselves in impossible dreams and visions and are
crippled by theories; Jews have sprung up and are amassing money, and
all the rest give themselves up to debauchery. From the first hour the
town reeked of its familiar odours. I chanced to be in a frightful
den—I like my dens dirty—it was a dance, so called, and there was a cancan
such as I never saw in my day. Yes, there you have progress. All of a
sudden I saw a little girl of thirteen, nicely dressed, dancing with a
specialist in that line, with another one vis-à-vis. Her mother
was sitting on a chair by the wall. You can't fancy what a cancan
that was! The girl was ashamed, blushed, at last felt insulted, and
began to cry. Her partner seized her and began whirling her round and
performing before her; everyone laughed and—I like your public, even
the cancan public—they laughed and shouted, 'Serves her
right—serves her right! Shouldn't bring children!' Well, it's not my
business whether that consoling reflection was logical or not. I at once
fixed on my plan, sat down by the mother, and began by saying that I too
was a stranger and that people here were ill-bred and that they couldn't
distinguish decent folks and treat them with respect, gave her to
understand that I had plenty of money, offered to take them home in my
carriage. I took them home and got to know them. They were lodging in a
miserable little hole and had only just arrived from the country. She
told me that she and her daughter could only regard my acquaintance as
an honour. I found out that they had nothing of their own and had come
to town upon some legal business. I proffered my services and money. I
learnt that they had gone to the dancing saloon by mistake, believing
that it was a genuine dancing class. I offered to assist in the young
girl's education in French and dancing. My offer was accepted with
enthusiasm as an honour—and we are still friendly.... If you like,
we'll go and see them, only not just now."
"Stop! Enough of your vile, nasty anecdotes,
depraved vile, sensual man!"
"Schiller, you are a regular Schiller! O
la vertu va-t-elle se nicher? But you know I shall tell you these
things on purpose, for the pleasure of hearing your outcries!"
"I dare say. I can see I am ridiculous
myself," muttered Raskolnikov angrily.
Svidrigaïlov laughed heartily; finally he called
Philip, paid his bill, and began getting up.
"I say, but I am drunk, assez causé,"
he said. "It's been a pleasure."
"I should rather think it must be a
pleasure!" cried Raskolnikov, getting up. "No doubt it is a
pleasure for a worn-out profligate to describe such adventures with a
monstrous project of the same sort in his mind—especially under such
circumstances and to such a man as me.... It's stimulating!"
"Well, if you come to that," Svidrigaïlov
answered, scrutinising Raskolnikov with some surprise, "if you come
to that, you are a thorough cynic yourself. You've plenty to make you
so, anyway. You can understand a great deal... and you can do a great
deal too. But enough. I sincerely regret not having had more talk with
you, but I shan't lose sight of you.... Only wait a bit."
Svidrigaïlov walked out of the restaurant.
Raskolnikov walked out after him. Svidrigaïlov was not however very
drunk, the wine had affected him for a moment, but it was passing off
every minute. He was preoccupied with something of importance and was
frowning. He was apparently excited and uneasy in anticipation of
something. His manner to Raskolnikov had changed during the last few
minutes, and he was ruder and more sneering every moment. Raskolnikov
noticed all this, and he too was uneasy. He became very suspicious of
Svidrigaïlov and resolved to follow him.
They came out on to the pavement.
"You go to the right, and I to the left, or
if you like, the other way. Only adieu, mon plaisir, may we meet
again."
And he walked to the right towards the Hay Market.
CHAPTER V
Raskolnikov walked after him.
"What's this?" cried Svidrigaïlov
turning round, "I thought I said..."
"It means that I am not going to lose sight
of you now."
"What?"
Both stood still and gazed at one another, as
though measuring their strength.
"From all your half tipsy stories,"
Raskolnikov observed harshly, "I am positive that you have
not given up your designs on my sister, but are pursuing them more
actively than ever. I have learnt that my sister received a letter this
morning. You have hardly been able to sit still all this time.... You
may have unearthed a wife on the way, but that means nothing. I should
like to make certain myself."
Raskolnikov could hardly have said himself what he
wanted and of what he wished to make certain.
"Upon my word! I'll call the police!"
"Call away!"
Again they stood for a minute facing each other.
At last Svidrigaïlov's face changed. Having satisfied himself that
Raskolnikov was not frightened at his threat, he assumed a mirthful and
friendly air.
"What a fellow! I purposely refrained from
referring to your affair, though I am devoured by curiosity. It's a
fantastic affair. I've put it off till another time, but you're enough
to rouse the dead.... Well, let us go, only I warn you beforehand I am
only going home for a moment, to get some money; then I shall lock up
the flat, take a cab and go to spend the evening at the Islands. Now,
now are you going to follow me?"
"I'm coming to your lodgings, not to see you
but Sofya Semyonovna, to say I'm sorry not to have been at the
funeral."
"That's as you like, but Sofya Semyonovna is
not at home. She has taken the three children to an old lady of high
rank, the patroness of some orphan asylums, whom I used to know years
ago. I charmed the old lady by depositing a sum of money with her to
provide for the three children of Katerina Ivanovna and subscribing to
the institution as well. I told her too the story of Sofya Semyonovna in
full detail, suppressing nothing. It produced an indescribable effect on
her. That's why Sofya Semyonovna has been invited to call to-day at the
X. Hotel where the lady is staying for the time."
"No matter, I'll come all the same."
"As you like, it's nothing to me, but I won't
come with you; here we are at home. By the way, I am convinced that you
regard me with suspicion just because I have shown such delicacy and
have not so far troubled you with questions... you understand? It struck
you as extraordinary; I don't mind betting it's that. Well, it teaches
one to show delicacy!"
"And to listen at doors!"
"Ah, that's it, is it?" laughed Svidrigaïlov.
"Yes, I should have been surprised if you had let that pass after
all that has happened. Ha-ha! Though I did understand something of the
pranks you had been up to and were telling Sofya Semyonovna about, what
was the meaning of it? Perhaps I am quite behind the times and can't
understand. For goodness' sake, explain it, my dear boy. Expound the
latest theories!"
"You couldn't have heard anything. You're
making it all up!"
"But I'm not talking about that (though I did
hear something). No, I'm talking of the way you keep sighing and
groaning now. The Schiller in you is in revolt every moment, and now you
tell me not to listen at doors. If that's how you feel, go and inform
the police that you had this mischance: you made a little mistake in
your theory. But if you are convinced that one mustn't listen at doors,
but one may murder old women at one's pleasure, you'd better be off to
America and make haste. Run, young man! There may still be time. I'm
speaking sincerely. Haven't you the money? I'll give you the fare."
"I'm not thinking of that at all,"
Raskolnikov interrupted with disgust.
"I understand (but don't put yourself out,
don't discuss it if you don't want to). I understand the questions you
are worrying over—moral ones, aren't they? Duties of citizen and man?
Lay them all aside. They are nothing to you now, ha-ha! You'll say you
are still a man and a citizen. If so you ought not to have got into this
coil. It's no use taking up a job you are not fit for. Well, you'd
better shoot yourself, or don't you want to?"
"You seem trying to enrage me, to make me
leave you."
"What a queer fellow! But here we are.
Welcome to the staircase. You see, that's the way to Sofya Semyonovna.
Look, there is no one at home. Don't you believe me? Ask Kapernaumov.
She leaves the key with him. Here is Madame de Kapernaumov herself. Hey,
what? She is rather deaf. Has she gone out? Where? Did you hear? She is
not in and won't be till late in the evening probably. Well, come to my
room; you wanted to come and see me, didn't you? Here we are. Madame
Resslich's not at home. She is a woman who is always busy, an excellent
woman I assure you.... She might have been of use to you if you had been
a little more sensible. Now, see! I take this five-per-cent bond out of
the bureau—see what a lot I've got of them still—this one will be
turned into cash to-day. I mustn't waste any more time. The bureau is
locked, the flat is locked, and here we are again on the stairs. Shall
we take a cab? I'm going to the Islands. Would you like a lift? I'll
take this carriage. Ah, you refuse? You are tired of it! Come for a
drive! I believe it will come on to rain. Never mind, we'll put down the
hood...."
Svidrigaïlov was already in the carriage.
Raskolnikov decided that his suspicions were at least for that moment
unjust. Without answering a word he turned and walked back towards the
Hay Market. If he had only turned round on his way he might have seen
Svidrigaïlov get out not a hundred paces off, dismiss the cab and walk
along the pavement. But he had turned the corner and could see nothing.
Intense disgust drew him away from Svidrigaïlov.
"To think that I could for one instant have
looked for help from that coarse brute, that depraved sensualist and
blackguard!" he cried.
Raskolnikov's judgment was uttered too lightly and
hastily: there was something about Svidrigaïlov which gave him a
certain original, even a mysterious character. As concerned his sister,
Raskolnikov was convinced that Svidrigaïlov would not leave her in
peace. But it was too tiresome and unbearable to go on thinking and
thinking about this.
When he was alone, he had not gone twenty paces
before he sank, as usual, into deep thought. On the bridge he stood by
the railing and began gazing at the water. And his sister was standing
close by him.
He met her at the entrance to the bridge, but
passed by without seeing her. Dounia had never met him like this in the
street before and was struck with dismay. She stood still and did not
know whether to call to him or not. Suddenly she saw Svidrigaïlov
coming quickly from the direction of the Hay Market.
He seemed to be approaching cautiously. He did not
go on to the bridge, but stood aside on the pavement, doing all he could
to avoid Raskolnikov's seeing him. He had observed Dounia for some time
and had been making signs to her. She fancied he was signalling to beg
her not to speak to her brother, but to come to him.
That was what Dounia did. She stole by her brother
and went up to Svidrigaïlov.
"Let us make haste away," Svidrigaïlov
whispered to her, "I don't want Rodion Romanovitch to know of our
meeting. I must tell you I've been sitting with him in the restaurant
close by, where he looked me up and I had great difficulty in getting
rid of him. He has somehow heard of my letter to you and suspects
something. It wasn't you who told him, of course, but if not you, who
then?"
"Well, we've turned the corner now,"
Dounia interrupted, "and my brother won't see us. I have to tell
you that I am going no further with you. Speak to me here. You can tell
it all in the street."
"In the first place, I can't say it in the
street; secondly, you must hear Sofya Semyonovna too; and, thirdly, I
will show you some papers.... Oh well, if you won't agree to come with
me, I shall refuse to give any explanation and go away at once. But I
beg you not to forget that a very curious secret of your beloved
brother's is entirely in my keeping."
Dounia stood still, hesitating, and looked at
Svidrigaïlov with searching eyes.
"What are you afraid of?" he observed
quietly. "The town is not the country. And even in the country you
did me more harm than I did you."
"Have you prepared Sofya Semyonovna?"
"No, I have not said a word to her and am not
quite certain whether she is at home now. But most likely she is. She
has buried her stepmother to-day: she is not likely to go visiting on
such a day. For the time I don't want to speak to anyone about it and I
half regret having spoken to you. The slightest indiscretion is as bad
as betrayal in a thing like this. I live there in that house, we are
coming to it. That's the porter of our house—he knows me very well;
you see, he's bowing; he sees I'm coming with a lady and no doubt he has
noticed your face already and you will be glad of that if you are afraid
of me and suspicious. Excuse my putting things so coarsely. I haven't a
flat to myself; Sofya Semyonovna's room is next to mine—she lodges in
the next flat. The whole floor is let out in lodgings. Why are you
frightened like a child? Am I really so terrible?"
Svidrigaïlov's lips were twisted in a
condescending smile; but he was in no smiling mood. His heart was
throbbing and he could scarcely breathe. He spoke rather loud to cover
his growing excitement. But Dounia did not notice this peculiar
excitement, she was so irritated by his remark that she was frightened
of him like a child and that he was so terrible to her.
"Though I know that you are not a man... of
honour, I am not in the least afraid of you. Lead the way," she
said with apparent composure, but her face was very pale.
Svidrigaïlov stopped at Sonia's room.
"Allow me to inquire whether she is at
home.... She is not. How unfortunate! But I know she may come quite
soon. If she's gone out, it can only be to see a lady about the orphans.
Their mother is dead.... I've been meddling and making arrangements for
them. If Sofya Semyonovna does not come back in ten minutes, I will send
her to you, to-day if you like. This is my flat. These are my two rooms.
Madame Resslich, my landlady, has the next room. Now, look this way. I
will show you my chief piece of evidence: this door from my bedroom
leads into two perfectly empty rooms, which are to let. Here they are...
You must look into them with some attention."
Svidrigaïlov occupied two fairly large furnished
rooms. Dounia was looking about her mistrustfully, but saw nothing
special in the furniture or position of the rooms. Yet there was
something to observe, for instance, that Svidrigaïlov's flat was
exactly between two sets of almost uninhabited apartments. His rooms
were not entered directly from the passage, but through the landlady's
two almost empty rooms. Unlocking a door leading out of his bedroom,
Svidrigaïlov showed Dounia the two empty rooms that were to let. Dounia
stopped in the doorway, not knowing what she was called to look upon,
but Svidrigaïlov hastened to explain.
"Look here, at this second large room. Notice
that door, it's locked. By the door stands a chair, the only one in the
two rooms. I brought it from my rooms so as to listen more conveniently.
Just the other side of the door is Sofya Semyonovna's table; she sat
there talking to Rodion Romanovitch. And I sat here listening on two
successive evenings, for two hours each time—and of course I was able
to learn something, what do you think?"
"You listened?"
"Yes, I did. Now come back to my room; we
can't sit down here."
He brought Avdotya Romanovna back into his
sitting-room and offered her a chair. He sat down at the opposite side
of the table, at least seven feet from her, but probably there was the
same glow in his eyes which had once frightened Dounia so much. She
shuddered and once more looked about her distrustfully. It was an
involuntary gesture; she evidently did not wish to betray her
uneasiness. But the secluded position of Svidrigaïlov's lodging had
suddenly struck her. She wanted to ask whether his landlady at least
were at home, but pride kept her from asking. Moreover, she had another
trouble in her heart incomparably greater than fear for herself. She was
in great distress.
"Here is your letter," she said, laying
it on the table. "Can it be true what you write? You hint at a
crime committed, you say, by my brother. You hint at it too clearly; you
daren't deny it now. I must tell you that I'd heard of this stupid story
before you wrote and don't believe a word of it. It's a disgusting and
ridiculous suspicion. I know the story and why and how it was invented.
You can have no proofs. You promised to prove it. Speak! But let me warn
you that I don't believe you! I don't believe you!"
Dounia said this, speaking hurriedly, and for an
instant the colour rushed to her face.
"If you didn't believe it, how could you risk
coming alone to my rooms? Why have you come? Simply from
curiosity?"
"Don't torment me. Speak, speak!"
"There's no denying that you are a brave
girl. Upon my word, I thought you would have asked Mr. Razumihin to
escort you here. But he was not with you nor anywhere near. I was on the
look-out. It's spirited of you, it proves you wanted to spare Rodion
Romanovitch. But everything is divine in you.... About your brother,
what am I to say to you? You've just seen him yourself. What did you
think of him?"
"Surely that's not the only thing you are
building on?"
"No, not on that, but on his own words. He
came here on two successive evenings to see Sofya Semyonovna. I've shown
you where they sat. He made a full confession to her. He is a murderer.
He killed an old woman, a pawnbroker, with whom he had pawned things
himself. He killed her sister too, a pedlar woman called Lizaveta, who
happened to come in while he was murdering her sister. He killed them
with an axe he brought with him. He murdered them to rob them and he did
rob them. He took money and various things.... He told all this, word
for word, to Sofya Semyonovna, the only person who knows his secret. But
she has had no share by word or deed in the murder; she was as horrified
at it as you are now. Don't be anxious, she won't betray him."
"It cannot be," muttered Dounia, with
white lips. She gasped for breath. "It cannot be. There was not the
slightest cause, no sort of ground.... It's a lie, a lie!"
"He robbed her, that was the cause, he took
money and things. It's true that by his own admission he made no use of
the money or things, but hid them under a stone, where they are now. But
that was because he dared not make use of them."
"But how could he steal, rob? How could he
dream of it?" cried Dounia, and she jumped up from the chair.
"Why, you know him, and you've seen him, can he be a thief?"
She seemed to be imploring Svidrigaïlov; she had
entirely forgotten her fear.
"There are thousands and millions of
combinations and possibilities, Avdotya Romanovna. A thief steals and
knows he is a scoundrel, but I've heard of a gentleman who broke open
the mail. Who knows, very likely he thought he was doing a gentlemanly
thing! Of course I should not have believed it myself if I'd been told
of it as you have, but I believe my own ears. He explained all the
causes of it to Sofya Semyonovna too, but she did not believe her ears
at first, yet she believed her own eyes at last."
"What... were the causes?"
"It's a long story, Avdotya Romanovna.
Here's... how shall I tell you?—A theory of a sort, the same one by
which I for instance consider that a single misdeed is permissible if
the principal aim is right, a solitary wrongdoing and hundreds of good
deeds! It's galling too, of course, for a young man of gifts and
overweening pride to know that if he had, for instance, a paltry three
thousand, his whole career, his whole future would be differently shaped
and yet not to have that three thousand. Add to that, nervous
irritability from hunger, from lodging in a hole, from rags, from a
vivid sense of the charm of his social position and his sister's and
mother's position too. Above all, vanity, pride and vanity, though
goodness knows he may have good qualities too.... I am not blaming him,
please don't think it; besides, it's not my business. A special little
theory came in too—a theory of a sort—dividing mankind, you see,
into material and superior persons, that is persons to whom the law does
not apply owing to their superiority, who make laws for the rest of
mankind, the material, that is. It's all right as a theory, une théorie
comme une autre. Napoleon attracted him tremendously, that is, what
affected him was that a great many men of genius have not hesitated at
wrongdoing, but have overstepped the law without thinking about it. He
seems to have fancied that he was a genius too—that is, he was
convinced of it for a time. He has suffered a great deal and is still
suffering from the idea that he could make a theory, but was incapable
of boldly overstepping the law, and so he is not a man of genius. And
that's humiliating for a young man of any pride, in our day
especially...."
"But remorse? You deny him any moral feeling
then? Is he like that?"
"Ah, Avdotya Romanovna, everything is in a
muddle now; not that it was ever in very good order. Russians in general
are broad in their ideas, Avdotya Romanovna, broad like their land and
exceedingly disposed to the fantastic, the chaotic. But it's a
misfortune to be broad without a special genius. Do you remember what a
lot of talk we had together on this subject, sitting in the evenings on
the terrace after supper? Why, you used to reproach me with breadth! Who
knows, perhaps we were talking at the very time when he was lying here
thinking over his plan. There are no sacred traditions amongst us,
especially in the educated class, Avdotya Romanovna. At the best someone
will make them up somehow for himself out of books or from some old
chronicle. But those are for the most part the learned and all old
fogeys, so that it would be almost ill-bred in a man of society. You
know my opinions in general, though. I never blame anyone. I do nothing
at all, I persevere in that. But we've talked of this more than once
before. I was so happy indeed as to interest you in my opinions.... You
are very pale, Avdotya Romanovna."
"I know his theory. I read that article of
his about men to whom all is permitted. Razumihin brought it to
me."
"Mr. Razumihin? Your brother's article? In a
magazine? Is there such an article? I didn't know. It must be
interesting. But where are you going, Avdotya Romanovna?"
"I want to see Sofya Semyonovna," Dounia
articulated faintly. "How do I go to her? She has come in, perhaps.
I must see her at once. Perhaps she..."
Avdotya Romanovna could not finish. Her breath
literally failed her.
"Sofya Semyonovna will not be back till
night, at least I believe not. She was to have been back at once, but if
not, then she will not be in till quite late."
"Ah, then you are lying! I see... you were
lying... lying all the time.... I don't believe you! I don't believe
you!" cried Dounia, completely losing her head.
Almost fainting, she sank on to a chair which
Svidrigaïlov made haste to give her.
"Avdotya Romanovna, what is it? Control
yourself! Here is some water. Drink a little...."
He sprinkled some water over her. Dounia shuddered
and came to herself.
"It has acted violently," Svidrigaïlov
muttered to himself, frowning. "Avdotya Romanovna, calm yourself!
Believe me, he has friends. We will save him. Would you like me to take
him abroad? I have money, I can get a ticket in three days. And as for
the murder, he will do all sorts of good deeds yet, to atone for it.
Calm yourself. He may become a great man yet. Well, how are you? How do
you feel?"
"Cruel man! To be able to jeer at it! Let me
go..."
"Where are you going?"
"To him. Where is he? Do you know? Why is
this door locked? We came in at that door and now it is locked. When did
you manage to lock it?"
"We couldn't be shouting all over the flat on
such a subject. I am far from jeering; it's simply that I'm sick of
talking like this. But how can you go in such a state? Do you want to
betray him? You will drive him to fury, and he will give himself up. Let
me tell you, he is already being watched; they are already on his track.
You will simply be giving him away. Wait a little: I saw him and was
talking to him just now. He can still be saved. Wait a bit, sit down;
let us think it over together. I asked you to come in order to discuss
it alone with you and to consider it thoroughly. But do sit down!"
"How can you save him? Can he really be
saved?"
Dounia sat down. Svidrigaïlov sat down beside
her.
"It all depends on you, on you, on you
alone," he began with glowing eyes, almost in a whisper and hardly
able to utter the words for emotion.
Dounia drew back from him in alarm. He too was
trembling all over.
"You... one word from you, and he is saved.
I... I'll save him. I have money and friends. I'll send him away at
once. I'll get a passport, two passports, one for him and one for me. I
have friends... capable people.... If you like, I'll take a passport for
you... for your mother.... What do you want with Razumihin? I love you
too.... I love you beyond everything.... Let me kiss the hem of your
dress, let me, let me.... The very rustle of it is too much for me. Tell
me, 'do that,' and I'll do it. I'll do everything. I will do the
impossible. What you believe, I will believe. I'll do
anything—anything! Don't, don't look at me like that. Do you know that
you are killing me?..."
He was almost beginning to rave.... Something
seemed suddenly to go to his head. Dounia jumped up and rushed to the
door.
"Open it! Open it!" she called, shaking
the door. "Open it! Is there no one there?"
Svidrigaïlov got up and came to himself. His
still trembling lips slowly broke into an angry mocking smile.
"There is no one at home," he said
quietly and emphatically. "The landlady has gone out, and it's
waste of time to shout like that. You are only exciting yourself
uselessly."
"Where is the key? Open the door at once, at
once, base man!"
"I have lost the key and cannot find
it."
"This is an outrage," cried Dounia,
turning pale as death. She rushed to the furthest corner, where she made
haste to barricade herself with a little table.
She did not scream, but she fixed her eyes on her
tormentor and watched every movement he made.
Svidrigaïlov remained standing at the other end
of the room facing her. He was positively composed, at least in
appearance, but his face was pale as before. The mocking smile did not
leave his face.
"You spoke of outrage just now, Avdotya
Romanovna. In that case you may be sure I've taken measures. Sofya
Semyonovna is not at home. The Kapernaumovs are far away—there are
five locked rooms between. I am at least twice as strong as you are and
I have nothing to fear, besides. For you could not complain afterwards.
You surely would not be willing actually to betray your brother?
Besides, no one would believe you. How should a girl have come alone to
visit a solitary man in his lodgings? So that even if you do sacrifice
your brother, you could prove nothing. It is very difficult to prove an
assault, Avdotya Romanovna."
"Scoundrel!" whispered Dounia
indignantly.
"As you like, but observe I was only speaking
by way of a general proposition. It's my personal conviction that you
are perfectly right—violence is hateful. I only spoke to show you that
you need have no remorse even if... you were willing to save your
brother of your own accord, as I suggest to you. You would be simply
submitting to circumstances, to violence, in fact, if we must use that
word. Think about it. Your brother's and your mother's fate are in your
hands. I will be your slave... all my life... I will wait here."
Svidrigaïlov sat down on the sofa about eight
steps from Dounia. She had not the slightest doubt now of his unbending
determination. Besides, she knew him. Suddenly she pulled out of her
pocket a revolver, cocked it and laid it in her hand on the table.
Svidrigaïlov jumped up.
"Aha! So that's it, is it?" he cried,
surprised but smiling maliciously. "Well, that completely alters
the aspect of affairs. You've made things wonderfully easier for me,
Avdotya Romanovna. But where did you get the revolver? Was it Mr.
Razumihin? Why, it's my revolver, an old friend! And how I've hunted for
it! The shooting lessons I've given you in the country have not been
thrown away."
"It's not your revolver, it belonged to Marfa
Petrovna, whom you killed, wretch! There was nothing of yours in her
house. I took it when I began to suspect what you were capable of. If
you dare to advance one step, I swear I'll kill you." She was
frantic.
"But your brother? I ask from
curiosity," said Svidrigaïlov, still standing where he was.
"Inform, if you want to! Don't stir! Don't
come nearer! I'll shoot! You poisoned your wife, I know; you are a
murderer yourself!" She held the revolver ready.
"Are you so positive I poisoned Marfa
Petrovna?"
"You did! You hinted it yourself; you talked
to me of poison.... I know you went to get it... you had it in
readiness.... It was your doing.... It must have been your doing....
Scoundrel!"
"Even if that were true, it would have been
for your sake... you would have been the cause."
"You are lying! I hated you always,
always...."
"Oho, Avdotya Romanovna! You seem to have
forgotten how you softened to me in the heat of propaganda. I saw it in
your eyes. Do you remember that moonlight night, when the nightingale
was singing?"
"That's a lie," there was a flash of
fury in Dounia's eyes, "that's a lie and a libel!"
"A lie? Well, if you like, it's a lie. I made
it up. Women ought not to be reminded of such things," he smiled.
"I know you will shoot, you pretty wild creature. Well, shoot
away!"
Dounia raised the revolver, and deadly pale, gazed
at him, measuring the distance and awaiting the first movement on his
part. Her lower lip was white and quivering and her big black eyes
flashed like fire. He had never seen her so handsome. The fire glowing
in her eyes at the moment she raised the revolver seemed to kindle him
and there was a pang of anguish in his heart. He took a step forward and
a shot rang out. The bullet grazed his hair and flew into the wall
behind. He stood still and laughed softly.
"The wasp has stung me. She aimed straight at
my head. What's this? Blood?" he pulled out his handkerchief to
wipe the blood, which flowed in a thin stream down his right temple. The
bullet seemed to have just grazed the skin.
Dounia lowered the revolver and looked at Svidrigaïlov
not so much in terror as in a sort of wild amazement. She seemed not to
understand what she was doing and what was going on.
"Well, you missed! Fire again, I'll
wait," said Svidrigaïlov softly, still smiling, but gloomily.
"If you go on like that, I shall have time to seize you before you
cock again."
Dounia started, quickly cocked the pistol and
again raised it.
"Let me be," she cried in despair.
"I swear I'll shoot again. I... I'll kill you."
"Well... at three paces you can hardly help
it. But if you don't... then." His eyes flashed and he took two
steps forward. Dounia shot again: it missed fire.
"You haven't loaded it properly. Never mind,
you have another charge there. Get it ready, I'll wait."
He stood facing her, two paces away, waiting and
gazing at her with wild determination, with feverishly passionate,
stubborn, set eyes. Dounia saw that he would sooner die than let her go.
"And... now, of course she would kill him, at two paces!"
Suddenly she flung away the revolver.
"She's dropped it!" said Svidrigaïlov
with surprise, and he drew a deep breath. A weight seemed to have rolled
from his heart—perhaps not only the fear of death; indeed he may
scarcely have felt it at that moment. It was the deliverance from
another feeling, darker and more bitter, which he could not himself have
defined.
He went to Dounia and gently put his arm round her
waist. She did not resist, but, trembling like a leaf, looked at him
with suppliant eyes. He tried to say something, but his lips moved
without being able to utter a sound.
"Let me go," Dounia implored. Svidrigaïlov
shuddered. Her voice now was quite different.
"Then you don't love me?" he asked
softly. Dounia shook her head.
"And... and you can't? Never?" he
whispered in despair.
"Never!"
There followed a moment of terrible, dumb struggle
in the heart of Svidrigaïlov. He looked at her with an indescribable
gaze. Suddenly he withdrew his arm, turned quickly to the window and
stood facing it. Another moment passed.
"Here's the key."
He took it out of the left pocket of his coat and
laid it on the table behind him, without turning or looking at Dounia.
"Take it! Make haste!"
He looked stubbornly out of the window. Dounia
went up to the table to take the key.
"Make haste! Make haste!" repeated
Svidrigaïlov, still without turning or moving. But there seemed a
terrible significance in the tone of that "make haste."
Dounia understood it, snatched up the key, flew to
the door, unlocked it quickly and rushed out of the room. A minute
later, beside herself, she ran out on to the canal bank in the direction
of X. Bridge.
Svidrigaïlov remained three minutes standing at
the window. At last he slowly turned, looked about him and passed his
hand over his forehead. A strange smile contorted his face, a pitiful,
sad, weak smile, a smile of despair. The blood, which was already
getting dry, smeared his hand. He looked angrily at it, then wetted a
towel and washed his temple. The revolver which Dounia had flung away
lay near the door and suddenly caught his eye. He picked it up and
examined it. It was a little pocket three-barrel revolver of
old-fashioned construction. There were still two charges and one capsule
left in it. It could be fired again. He thought a little, put the
revolver in his pocket, took his hat and went out.
CHAPTER VI
He spent that evening till ten o'clock going from
one low haunt to another. Katia too turned up and sang another gutter
song, how a certain "villain and tyrant,"
"began kissing Katia."
Svidrigaïlov treated Katia and the organ-grinder
and some singers and the waiters and two little clerks. He was
particularly drawn to these clerks by the fact that they both had
crooked noses, one bent to the left and the other to the right. They
took him finally to a pleasure garden, where he paid for their entrance.
There was one lanky three-year-old pine-tree and three bushes in the
garden, besides a "Vauxhall," which was in reality a
drinking-bar where tea too was served, and there were a few green tables
and chairs standing round it. A chorus of wretched singers and a drunken
but exceedingly depressed German clown from Munich with a red nose
entertained the public. The clerks quarrelled with some other clerks and
a fight seemed imminent. Svidrigaïlov was chosen to decide the dispute.
He listened to them for a quarter of an hour, but they shouted so loud
that there was no possibility of understanding them. The only fact that
seemed certain was that one of them had stolen something and had even
succeeded in selling it on the spot to a Jew, but would not share the
spoil with his companion. Finally it appeared that the stolen object was
a teaspoon belonging to the Vauxhall. It was missed and the affair began
to seem troublesome. Svidrigaïlov paid for the spoon, got up, and
walked out of the garden. It was about six o'clock. He had not drunk a
drop of wine all this time and had ordered tea more for the sake of
appearances than anything.
It was a dark and stifling evening. Threatening
storm-clouds came over the sky about ten o'clock. There was a clap of
thunder, and the rain came down like a waterfall. The water fell not in
drops, but beat on the earth in streams. There were flashes of lightning
every minute and each flash lasted while one could count five.
Drenched to the skin, he went home, locked himself
in, opened the bureau, took out all his money and tore up two or three
papers. Then, putting the money in his pocket, he was about to change
his clothes, but, looking out of the window and listening to the thunder
and the rain, he gave up the idea, took up his hat and went out of the
room without locking the door. He went straight to Sonia. She was at
home.
She was not alone: the four Kapernaumov children
were with her. She was giving them tea. She received Svidrigaïlov in
respectful silence, looking wonderingly at his soaking clothes. The
children all ran away at once in indescribable terror.
Svidrigaïlov sat down at the table and asked
Sonia to sit beside him. She timidly prepared to listen.
"I may be going to America, Sofya
Semyonovna," said Svidrigaïlov, "and as I am probably seeing
you for the last time, I have come to make some arrangements. Well, did
you see the lady to-day? I know what she said to you, you need not tell
me." (Sonia made a movement and blushed.) "Those people have
their own way of doing things. As to your sisters and your brother, they
are really provided for and the money assigned to them I've put into
safe keeping and have received acknowledgments. You had better take
charge of the receipts, in case anything happens. Here, take them! Well
now, that's settled. Here are three 5-per-cent bonds to the value of
three thousand roubles. Take those for yourself, entirely for yourself,
and let that be strictly between ourselves, so that no one knows of it,
whatever you hear. You will need the money, for to go on living in the
old way, Sofya Semyonovna, is bad, and besides there is no need for it
now."
"I am so much indebted to you, and so are the
children and my stepmother," said Sonia hurriedly, "and if
I've said so little... please don't consider..."
"That's enough! that's enough!"
"But as for the money, Arkady Ivanovitch, I
am very grateful to you, but I don't need it now. I can always earn my
own living. Don't think me ungrateful. If you are so charitable, that
money...."
"It's for you, for you, Sofya Semyonovna, and
please don't waste words over it. I haven't time for it. You will want
it. Rodion Romanovitch has two alternatives: a bullet in the brain or
Siberia." (Sonia looked wildly at him, and started.) "Don't be
uneasy, I know all about it from himself and I am not a gossip; I won't
tell anyone. It was good advice when you told him to give himself up and
confess. It would be much better for him. Well, if it turns out to be
Siberia, he will go and you will follow him. That's so, isn't it? And if
so, you'll need money. You'll need it for him, do you understand? Giving
it to you is the same as my giving it to him. Besides, you promised
Amalia Ivanovna to pay what's owing. I heard you. How can you undertake
such obligations so heedlessly, Sofya Semyonovna? It was Katerina
Ivanovna's debt and not yours, so you ought not to have taken any notice
of the German woman. You can't get through the world like that. If you
are ever questioned about me—to-morrow or the day after you will be
asked—don't say anything about my coming to see you now and don't show
the money to anyone or say a word about it. Well, now good-bye."
(He got up.) "My greetings to Rodion Romanovitch. By the way, you'd
better put the money for the present in Mr. Razumihin's keeping. You
know Mr. Razumihin? Of course you do. He's not a bad fellow. Take it to
him to-morrow or... when the time comes. And till then, hide it
carefully."
Sonia too jumped up from her chair and looked in
dismay at Svidrigaïlov. She longed to speak, to ask a question, but for
the first moments she did not dare and did not know how to begin.
"How can you... how can you be going now, in
such rain?"
"Why, be starting for America, and be stopped
by rain! Ha, ha! Good-bye, Sofya Semyonovna, my dear! Live and live
long, you will be of use to others. By the way... tell Mr. Razumihin I
send my greetings to him. Tell him Arkady Ivanovitch Svidrigaïlov sends
his greetings. Be sure to."
He went out, leaving Sonia in a state of wondering
anxiety and vague apprehension.
It appeared afterwards that on the same evening,
at twenty past eleven, he made another very eccentric and unexpected
visit. The rain still persisted. Drenched to the skin, he walked into
the little flat where the parents of his betrothed lived, in Third
Street in Vassilyevsky Island. He knocked some time before he was
admitted, and his visit at first caused great perturbation; but Svidrigaïlov
could be very fascinating when he liked, so that the first, and indeed
very intelligent surmise of the sensible parents that Svidrigaïlov had
probably had so much to drink that he did not know what he was doing
vanished immediately. The decrepit father was wheeled in to see Svidrigaïlov
by the tender and sensible mother, who as usual began the conversation
with various irrelevant questions. She never asked a direct question,
but began by smiling and rubbing her hands and then, if she were obliged
to ascertain something—for instance, when Svidrigaïlov would like to
have the wedding—she would begin by interested and almost eager
questions about Paris and the court life there, and only by degrees
brought the conversation round to Third Street. On other occasions this
had of course been very impressive, but this time Arkady Ivanovitch
seemed particularly impatient, and insisted on seeing his betrothed at
once, though he had been informed, to begin with, that she had already
gone to bed. The girl of course appeared.
Svidrigaïlov informed her at once that he was
obliged by very important affairs to leave Petersburg for a time, and
therefore brought her fifteen thousand roubles and begged her accept
them as a present from him, as he had long been intending to make her
this trifling present before their wedding. The logical connection of
the present with his immediate departure and the absolute necessity of
visiting them for that purpose in pouring rain at midnight was not made
clear. But it all went off very well; even the inevitable ejaculations
of wonder and regret, the inevitable questions were extraordinarily few
and restrained. On the other hand, the gratitude expressed was most
glowing and was reinforced by tears from the most sensible of mothers.
Svidrigaïlov got up, laughed, kissed his betrothed, patted her cheek,
declared he would soon come back, and noticing in her eyes, together
with childish curiosity, a sort of earnest dumb inquiry, reflected and
kissed her again, though he felt sincere anger inwardly at the thought
that his present would be immediately locked up in the keeping of the
most sensible of mothers. He went away, leaving them all in a state of
extraordinary excitement, but the tender mamma, speaking quietly in a
half whisper, settled some of the most important of their doubts,
concluding that Svidrigaïlov was a great man, a man of great affairs
and connections and of great wealth—there was no knowing what he had
in his mind. He would start off on a journey and give away money just as
the fancy took him, so that there was nothing surprising about it. Of
course it was strange that he was wet through, but Englishmen, for
instance, are even more eccentric, and all these people of high society
didn't think of what was said of them and didn't stand on ceremony.
Possibly, indeed, he came like that on purpose to show that he was not
afraid of anyone. Above all, not a word should be said about it, for God
knows what might come of it, and the money must be locked up, and it was
most fortunate that Fedosya, the cook, had not left the kitchen. And
above all not a word must be said to that old cat, Madame Resslich, and
so on and so on. They sat up whispering till two o'clock, but the girl
went to bed much earlier, amazed and rather sorrowful.
Svidrigaïlov meanwhile, exactly at midnight,
crossed the bridge on the way back to the mainland. The rain had ceased
and there was a roaring wind. He began shivering, and for one moment he
gazed at the black waters of the Little Neva with a look of special
interest, even inquiry. But he soon felt it very cold, standing by the
water; he turned and went towards Y. Prospect. He walked along that
endless street for a long time, almost half an hour, more than once
stumbling in the dark on the wooden pavement, but continually looking
for something on the right side of the street. He had noticed passing
through this street lately that there was a hotel somewhere towards the
end, built of wood, but fairly large, and its name he remembered was
something like Adrianople. He was not mistaken: the hotel was so
conspicuous in that God-forsaken place that he could not fail to see it
even in the dark. It was a long, blackened wooden building, and in spite
of the late hour there were lights in the windows and signs of life
within. He went in and asked a ragged fellow who met him in the corridor
for a room. The latter, scanning Svidrigaïlov, pulled himself together
and led him at once to a close and tiny room in the distance, at the end
of the corridor, under the stairs. There was no other, all were
occupied. The ragged fellow looked inquiringly.
"Is there tea?" asked Svidrigaïlov.
"Yes, sir."
"What else is there?"
"Veal, vodka, savouries."
"Bring me tea and veal."
"And you want nothing else?" he asked
with apparent surprise.
"Nothing, nothing."
The ragged man went away, completely
disillusioned.
"It must be a nice place," thought
Svidrigaïlov. "How was it I didn't know it? I expect I look as if
I came from a café chantant and have had some adventure on the way. It
would be interesting to know who stay here?"
He lighted the candle and looked at the room more
carefully. It was a room so low-pitched that Svidrigaïlov could only
just stand up in it; it had one window; the bed, which was very dirty,
and the plain-stained chair and table almost filled it up. The walls
looked as though they were made of planks, covered with shabby paper, so
torn and dusty that the pattern was indistinguishable, though the
general colour—yellow—could still be made out. One of the walls was
cut short by the sloping ceiling, though the room was not an attic but
just under the stairs.
Svidrigaïlov set down the candle, sat down on the
bed and sank into thought. But a strange persistent murmur which
sometimes rose to a shout in the next room attracted his attention. The
murmur had not ceased from the moment he entered the room. He listened:
someone was upbraiding and almost tearfully scolding, but he heard only
one voice.
Svidrigaïlov got up, shaded the light with his
hand and at once he saw light through a crack in the wall; he went up
and peeped through. The room, which was somewhat larger than his, had
two occupants. One of them, a very curly-headed man with a red inflamed
face, was standing in the pose of an orator, without his coat, with his
legs wide apart to preserve his balance, and smiting himself on the
breast. He reproached the other with being a beggar, with having no
standing whatever. He declared that he had taken the other out of the
gutter and he could turn him out when he liked, and that only the finger
of Providence sees it all. The object of his reproaches was sitting in a
chair, and had the air of a man who wants dreadfully to sneeze, but
can't. He sometimes turned sheepish and befogged eyes on the speaker,
but obviously had not the slightest idea what he was talking about and
scarcely heard it. A candle was burning down on the table; there were
wine-glasses, a nearly empty bottle of vodka, bread and cucumber, and
glasses with the dregs of stale tea. After gazing attentively at this,
Svidrigaïlov turned away indifferently and sat down on the bed.
The ragged attendant, returning with the tea,
could not resist asking him again whether he didn't want anything more,
and again receiving a negative reply, finally withdrew. Svidrigaïlov
made haste to drink a glass of tea to warm himself, but could not eat
anything. He began to feel feverish. He took off his coat and, wrapping
himself in the blanket, lay down on the bed. He was annoyed. "It
would have been better to be well for the occasion," he thought
with a smile. The room was close, the candle burnt dimly, the wind was
roaring outside, he heard a mouse scratching in the corner and the room
smelt of mice and of leather. He lay in a sort of reverie: one thought
followed another. He felt a longing to fix his imagination on something.
"It must be a garden under the window," he thought.
"There's a sound of trees. How I dislike the sound of trees on a
stormy night, in the dark! They give one a horrid feeling." He
remembered how he had disliked it when he passed Petrovsky Park just
now. This reminded him of the bridge over the Little Neva and he felt
cold again as he had when standing there. "I never have liked
water," he thought, "even in a landscape," and he
suddenly smiled again at a strange idea: "Surely now all these
questions of taste and comfort ought not to matter, but I've become more
particular, like an animal that picks out a special place... for such an
occasion. I ought to have gone into the Petrovsky Park! I suppose it
seemed dark, cold, ha-ha! As though I were seeking pleasant
sensations!... By the way, why haven't I put out the candle?" he
blew it out. "They've gone to bed next door," he thought, not
seeing the light at the crack. "Well, now, Marfa Petrovna, now is
the time for you to turn up; it's dark, and the very time and place for
you. But now you won't come!"
He suddenly recalled how, an hour before carrying
out his design on Dounia, he had recommended Raskolnikov to trust her to
Razumihin's keeping. "I suppose I really did say it, as Raskolnikov
guessed, to tease myself. But what a rogue that Raskolnikov is! He's
gone through a good deal. He may be a successful rogue in time when he's
got over his nonsense. But now he's too eager for life. These
young men are contemptible on that point. But, hang the fellow! Let him
please himself, it's nothing to do with me."
He could not get to sleep. By degrees Dounia's
image rose before him, and a shudder ran over him. "No, I must give
up all that now," he thought, rousing himself. "I must think
of something else. It's queer and funny. I never had a great hatred for
anyone, I never particularly desired to avenge myself even, and that's a
bad sign, a bad sign, a bad sign. I never liked quarrelling either, and
never lost my temper—that's a bad sign too. And the promises I made
her just now, too—Damnation! But—who knows?—perhaps she would have
made a new man of me somehow...."
He ground his teeth and sank into silence again.
Again Dounia's image rose before him, just as she was when, after
shooting the first time, she had lowered the revolver in terror and
gazed blankly at him, so that he might have seized her twice over and
she would not have lifted a hand to defend herself if he had not
reminded her. He recalled how at that instant he felt almost sorry for
her, how he had felt a pang at his heart...
"Aïe! Damnation, these thoughts again! I
must put it away!"
He was dozing off; the feverish shiver had ceased,
when suddenly something seemed to run over his arm and leg under the
bedclothes. He started. "Ugh! hang it! I believe it's a
mouse," he thought, "that's the veal I left on the
table." He felt fearfully disinclined to pull off the blanket, get
up, get cold, but all at once something unpleasant ran over his leg
again. He pulled off the blanket and lighted the candle. Shaking with
feverish chill he bent down to examine the bed: there was nothing. He
shook the blanket and suddenly a mouse jumped out on the sheet. He tried
to catch it, but the mouse ran to and fro in zigzags without leaving the
bed, slipped between his fingers, ran over his hand and suddenly darted
under the pillow. He threw down the pillow, but in one instant felt
something leap on his chest and dart over his body and down his back
under his shirt. He trembled nervously and woke up.
The room was dark. He was lying on the bed and
wrapped up in the blanket as before. The wind was howling under the
window. "How disgusting," he thought with annoyance.
He got up and sat on the edge of the bedstead with
his back to the window. "It's better not to sleep at all," he
decided. There was a cold damp draught from the window, however; without
getting up he drew the blanket over him and wrapped himself in it. He
was not thinking of anything and did not want to think. But one image
rose after another, incoherent scraps of thought without beginning or
end passed through his mind. He sank into drowsiness. Perhaps the cold,
or the dampness, or the dark, or the wind that howled under the window
and tossed the trees roused a sort of persistent craving for the
fantastic. He kept dwelling on images of flowers, he fancied a charming
flower garden, a bright, warm, almost hot day, a holiday—Trinity day.
A fine, sumptuous country cottage in the English taste overgrown with
fragrant flowers, with flower beds going round the house; the porch,
wreathed in climbers, was surrounded with beds of roses. A light, cool
staircase, carpeted with rich rugs, was decorated with rare plants in
china pots. He noticed particularly in the windows nosegays of tender,
white, heavily fragrant narcissus bending over their bright, green,
thick long stalks. He was reluctant to move away from them, but he went
up the stairs and came into a large, high drawing-room and again
everywhere—at the windows, the doors on to the balcony, and on the
balcony itself—were flowers. The floors were strewn with freshly-cut
fragrant hay, the windows were open, a fresh, cool, light air came into
the room. The birds were chirruping under the window, and in the middle
of the room, on a table covered with a white satin shroud, stood a
coffin. The coffin was covered with white silk and edged with a thick
white frill; wreaths of flowers surrounded it on all sides. Among the
flowers lay a girl in a white muslin dress, with her arms crossed and
pressed on her bosom, as though carved out of marble. But her loose fair
hair was wet; there was a wreath of roses on her head. The stern and
already rigid profile of her face looked as though chiselled of marble
too, and the smile on her pale lips was full of an immense unchildish
misery and sorrowful appeal. Svidrigaïlov knew that girl; there was no
holy image, no burning candle beside the coffin; no sound of prayers:
the girl had drowned herself. She was only fourteen, but her heart was
broken. And she had destroyed herself, crushed by an insult that had
appalled and amazed that childish soul, had smirched that angel purity
with unmerited disgrace and torn from her a last scream of despair,
unheeded and brutally disregarded, on a dark night in the cold and wet
while the wind howled....
Svidrigaïlov came to himself, got up from the bed
and went to the window. He felt for the latch and opened it. The wind
lashed furiously into the little room and stung his face and his chest,
only covered with his shirt, as though with frost. Under the window
there must have been something like a garden, and apparently a pleasure
garden. There, too, probably there were tea-tables and singing in the
daytime. Now drops of rain flew in at the window from the trees and
bushes; it was dark as in a cellar, so that he could only just make out
some dark blurs of objects. Svidrigaïlov, bending down with elbows on
the window-sill, gazed for five minutes into the darkness; the boom of a
cannon, followed by a second one, resounded in the darkness of the
night. "Ah, the signal! The river is overflowing," he thought.
"By morning it will be swirling down the street in the lower parts,
flooding the basements and cellars. The cellar rats will swim out, and
men will curse in the rain and wind as they drag their rubbish to their
upper storeys. What time is it now?" And he had hardly thought it
when, somewhere near, a clock on the wall, ticking away hurriedly,
struck three.
"Aha! It will be light in an hour! Why wait?
I'll go out at once straight to the park. I'll choose a great bush there
drenched with rain, so that as soon as one's shoulder touches it,
millions of drops drip on one's head."
He moved away from the window, shut it, lighted
the candle, put on his waistcoat, his overcoat and his hat and went out,
carrying the candle, into the passage to look for the ragged attendant
who would be asleep somewhere in the midst of candle-ends and all sorts
of rubbish, to pay him for the room and leave the hotel. "It's the
best minute; I couldn't choose a better."
He walked for some time through a long narrow
corridor without finding anyone and was just going to call out, when
suddenly in a dark corner between an old cupboard and the door he caught
sight of a strange object which seemed to be alive. He bent down with
the candle and saw a little girl, not more than five years old,
shivering and crying, with her clothes as wet as a soaking
house-flannel. She did not seem afraid of Svidrigaïlov, but looked at
him with blank amazement out of her big black eyes. Now and then she
sobbed as children do when they have been crying a long time, but are
beginning to be comforted. The child's face was pale and tired, she was
numb with cold. "How can she have come here? She must have hidden
here and not slept all night." He began questioning her. The child
suddenly becoming animated, chattered away in her baby language,
something about "mammy" and that "mammy would beat
her," and about some cup that she had "bwoken." The child
chattered on without stopping. He could only guess from what she said
that she was a neglected child, whose mother, probably a drunken cook,
in the service of the hotel, whipped and frightened her; that the child
had broken a cup of her mother's and was so frightened that she had run
away the evening before, had hidden for a long while somewhere outside
in the rain, at last had made her way in here, hidden behind the
cupboard and spent the night there, crying and trembling from the damp,
the darkness and the fear that she would be badly beaten for it. He took
her in his arms, went back to his room, sat her on the bed, and began
undressing her. The torn shoes which she had on her stockingless feet
were as wet as if they had been standing in a puddle all night. When he
had undressed her, he put her on the bed, covered her up and wrapped her
in the blanket from her head downwards. She fell asleep at once. Then he
sank into dreary musing again.
"What folly to trouble myself," he
decided suddenly with an oppressive feeling of annoyance. "What
idiocy!" In vexation he took up the candle to go and look for the
ragged attendant again and make haste to go away. "Damn the
child!" he thought as he opened the door, but he turned again to
see whether the child was asleep. He raised the blanket carefully. The
child was sleeping soundly, she had got warm under the blanket, and her
pale cheeks were flushed. But strange to say that flush seemed brighter
and coarser than the rosy cheeks of childhood. "It's a flush of
fever," thought Svidrigaïlov. It was like the flush from drinking,
as though she had been given a full glass to drink. Her crimson lips
were hot and glowing; but what was this? He suddenly fancied that her
long black eyelashes were quivering, as though the lids were opening and
a sly crafty eye peeped out with an unchildlike wink, as though the
little girl were not asleep, but pretending. Yes, it was so. Her lips
parted in a smile. The corners of her mouth quivered, as though she were
trying to control them. But now she quite gave up all effort, now it was
a grin, a broad grin; there was something shameless, provocative in that
quite unchildish face; it was depravity, it was the face of a harlot,
the shameless face of a French harlot. Now both eyes opened wide; they
turned a glowing, shameless glance upon him; they laughed, invited
him.... There was something infinitely hideous and shocking in that
laugh, in those eyes, in such nastiness in the face of a child.
"What, at five years old?" Svidrigaïlov muttered in genuine
horror. "What does it mean?" And now she turned to him, her
little face all aglow, holding out her arms.... "Accursed
child!" Svidrigaïlov cried, raising his hand to strike her, but at
that moment he woke up.
He was in the same bed, still wrapped in the
blanket. The candle had not been lighted, and daylight was streaming in
at the windows.
"I've had nightmare all night!" He got
up angrily, feeling utterly shattered; his bones ached. There was a
thick mist outside and he could see nothing. It was nearly five. He had
overslept himself! He got up, put on his still damp jacket and overcoat.
Feeling the revolver in his pocket, he took it out and then he sat down,
took a notebook out of his pocket and in the most conspicuous place on
the title page wrote a few lines in large letters. Reading them over, he
sank into thought with his elbows on the table. The revolver and the
notebook lay beside him. Some flies woke up and settled on the untouched
veal, which was still on the table. He stared at them and at last with
his free right hand began trying to catch one. He tried till he was
tired, but could not catch it. At last, realising that he was engaged in
this interesting pursuit, he started, got up and walked resolutely out
of the room. A minute later he was in the street.
A thick milky mist hung over the town. Svidrigaïlov
walked along the slippery dirty wooden pavement towards the Little Neva.
He was picturing the waters of the Little Neva swollen in the night,
Petrovsky Island, the wet paths, the wet grass, the wet trees and bushes
and at last the bush.... He began ill-humouredly staring at the houses,
trying to think of something else. There was not a cabman or a passer-by
in the street. The bright yellow, wooden, little houses looked dirty and
dejected with their closed shutters. The cold and damp penetrated his
whole body and he began to shiver. From time to time he came across shop
signs and read each carefully. At last he reached the end of the wooden
pavement and came to a big stone house. A dirty, shivering dog crossed
his path with its tail between its legs. A man in a greatcoat lay face
downwards; dead drunk, across the pavement. He looked at him and went
on. A high tower stood up on the left. "Bah!" he shouted,
"here is a place. Why should it be Petrovsky? It will be in the
presence of an official witness anyway...."
He almost smiled at this new thought and turned
into the street where there was the big house with the tower. At the
great closed gates of the house, a little man stood with his shoulder
leaning against them, wrapped in a grey soldier's coat, with a copper
Achilles helmet on his head. He cast a drowsy and indifferent glance at
Svidrigaïlov. His face wore that perpetual look of peevish dejection,
which is so sourly printed on all faces of Jewish race without
exception. They both, Svidrigaïlov and Achilles, stared at each other
for a few minutes without speaking. At last it struck Achilles as
irregular for a man not drunk to be standing three steps from him,
staring and not saying a word.
"What do you want here?" he said,
without moving or changing his position.
"Nothing, brother, good morning,"
answered Svidrigaïlov.
"This isn't the place."
"I am going to foreign parts, brother."
"To foreign parts?"
"To America."
"America."
Svidrigaïlov took out the revolver and cocked it.
Achilles raised his eyebrows.
"I say, this is not the place for such
jokes!"
"Why shouldn't it be the place?"
"Because it isn't."
"Well, brother, I don't mind that. It's a
good place. When you are asked, you just say he was going, he said, to
America."
He put the revolver to his right temple.
"You can't do it here, it's not the
place," cried Achilles, rousing himself, his eyes growing bigger
and bigger.
Svidrigaïlov pulled the trigger.
CHAPTER VII
The same day, about seven o'clock in the evening,
Raskolnikov was on his way to his mother's and sister's lodging—the
lodging in Bakaleyev's house which Razumihin had found for them. The
stairs went up from the street. Raskolnikov walked with lagging steps,
as though still hesitating whether to go or not. But nothing would have
turned him back: his decision was taken.
"Besides, it doesn't matter, they still know
nothing," he thought, "and they are used to thinking of me as
eccentric."
He was appallingly dressed: his clothes torn and
dirty, soaked with a night's rain. His face was almost distorted from
fatigue, exposure, the inward conflict that had lasted for twenty-four
hours. He had spent all the previous night alone, God knows where. But
anyway he had reached a decision.
He knocked at the door which was opened by his
mother. Dounia was not at home. Even the servant happened to be out. At
first Pulcheria Alexandrovna was speechless with joy and surprise; then
she took him by the hand and drew him into the room.
"Here you are!" she began, faltering
with joy. "Don't be angry with me, Rodya, for welcoming you so
foolishly with tears: I am laughing not crying. Did you think I was
crying? No, I am delighted, but I've got into such a stupid habit of
shedding tears. I've been like that ever since your father's death. I
cry for anything. Sit down, dear boy, you must be tired; I see you are.
Ah, how muddy you are."
"I was in the rain yesterday,
mother...." Raskolnikov began.
"No, no," Pulcheria Alexandrovna
hurriedly interrupted, "you thought I was going to cross-question
you in the womanish way I used to; don't be anxious, I understand, I
understand it all: now I've learned the ways here and truly I see for
myself that they are better. I've made up my mind once for all: how
could I understand your plans and expect you to give an account of them?
God knows what concerns and plans you may have, or what ideas you are
hatching; so it's not for me to keep nudging your elbow, asking you what
you are thinking about? But, my goodness! why am I running to and fro as
though I were crazy...? I am reading your article in the magazine for
the third time, Rodya. Dmitri Prokofitch brought it to me. Directly I
saw it I cried out to myself: 'There, foolish one,' I thought, 'that's
what he is busy about; that's the solution of the mystery! Learned
people are always like that. He may have some new ideas in his head just
now; he is thinking them over and I worry him and upset him.' I read it,
my dear, and of course there was a great deal I did not understand; but
that's only natural—how should I?"
"Show me, mother."
Raskolnikov took the magazine and glanced at his
article. Incongruous as it was with his mood and his circumstances, he
felt that strange and bitter sweet sensation that every author
experiences the first time he sees himself in print; besides, he was
only twenty-three. It lasted only a moment. After reading a few lines he
frowned and his heart throbbed with anguish. He recalled all the inward
conflict of the preceding months. He flung the article on the table with
disgust and anger.
"But, however foolish I may be, Rodya, I can
see for myself that you will very soon be one of the leading—if not
the leading man—in the world of Russian thought. And they dared to
think you were mad! You don't know, but they really thought that. Ah,
the despicable creatures, how could they understand genius! And Dounia,
Dounia was all but believing it—what do you say to that? Your father
sent twice to magazines—the first time poems (I've got the manuscript
and will show you) and the second time a whole novel (I begged him to
let me copy it out) and how we prayed that they should be taken—they
weren't! I was breaking my heart, Rodya, six or seven days ago over your
food and your clothes and the way you are living. But now I see again
how foolish I was, for you can attain any position you like by your
intellect and talent. No doubt you don't care about that for the present
and you are occupied with much more important matters...."
"Dounia's not at home, mother?"
"No, Rodya. I often don't see her; she leaves
me alone. Dmitri Prokofitch comes to see me, it's so good of him, and he
always talks about you. He loves you and respects you, my dear. I don't
say that Dounia is very wanting in consideration. I am not complaining.
She has her ways and I have mine; she seems to have got some secrets of
late and I never have any secrets from you two. Of course, I am sure
that Dounia has far too much sense, and besides she loves you and me...
but I don't know what it will all lead to. You've made me so happy by
coming now, Rodya, but she has missed you by going out; when she comes
in I'll tell her: 'Your brother came in while you were out. Where have
you been all this time?' You mustn't spoil me, Rodya, you know; come
when you can, but if you can't, it doesn't matter, I can wait. I shall
know, anyway, that you are fond of me, that will be enough for me. I
shall read what you write, I shall hear about you from everyone, and
sometimes you'll come yourself to see me. What could be better? Here
you've come now to comfort your mother, I see that."
Here Pulcheria Alexandrovna began to cry.
"Here I am again! Don't mind my foolishness.
My goodness, why am I sitting here?" she cried, jumping up.
"There is coffee and I don't offer you any. Ah, that's the
selfishness of old age. I'll get it at once!"
"Mother, don't trouble, I am going at once. I
haven't come for that. Please listen to me."
Pulcheria Alexandrovna went up to him timidly.
"Mother, whatever happens, whatever you hear
about me, whatever you are told about me, will you always love me as you
do now?" he asked suddenly from the fullness of his heart, as
though not thinking of his words and not weighing them.
"Rodya, Rodya, what is the matter? How can
you ask me such a question? Why, who will tell me anything about you?
Besides, I shouldn't believe anyone, I should refuse to listen."
"I've come to assure you that I've always
loved you and I am glad that we are alone, even glad Dounia is
out," he went on with the same impulse. "I have come to tell
you that though you will be unhappy, you must believe that your son
loves you now more than himself, and that all you thought about me, that
I was cruel and didn't care about you, was all a mistake. I shall never
cease to love you.... Well, that's enough: I thought I must do this and
begin with this...."
Pulcheria Alexandrovna embraced him in silence,
pressing him to her bosom and weeping gently.
"I don't know what is wrong with you,
Rodya," she said at last. "I've been thinking all this time
that we were simply boring you and now I see that there is a great
sorrow in store for you, and that's why you are miserable. I've foreseen
it a long time, Rodya. Forgive me for speaking about it. I keep thinking
about it and lie awake at nights. Your sister lay talking in her sleep
all last night, talking of nothing but you. I caught something, but I
couldn't make it out. I felt all the morning as though I were going to
be hanged, waiting for something, expecting something, and now it has
come! Rodya, Rodya, where are you going? You are going away
somewhere?"
"Yes."
"That's what I thought! I can come with you,
you know, if you need me. And Dounia, too; she loves you, she loves you
dearly—and Sofya Semyonovna may come with us if you like. You see, I
am glad to look upon her as a daughter even... Dmitri Prokofitch will
help us to go together. But... where... are you going?"
"Good-bye, mother."
"What, to-day?" she cried, as though
losing him for ever.
"I can't stay, I must go now...."
"And can't I come with you?"
"No, but kneel down and pray to God for me.
Your prayer perhaps will reach Him."
"Let me bless you and sign you with the
cross. That's right, that's right. Oh, God, what are we doing?"
Yes, he was glad, he was very glad that there was
no one there, that he was alone with his mother. For the first time
after all those awful months his heart was softened. He fell down before
her, he kissed her feet and both wept, embracing. And she was not
surprised and did not question him this time. For some days she had
realised that something awful was happening to her son and that now some
terrible minute had come for him.
"Rodya, my darling, my first born," she
said sobbing, "now you are just as when you were little. You would
run like this to me and hug me and kiss me. When your father was living
and we were poor, you comforted us simply by being with us and when I
buried your father, how often we wept together at his grave and
embraced, as now. And if I've been crying lately, it's that my mother's
heart had a foreboding of trouble. The first time I saw you, that
evening, you remember, as soon as we arrived here, I guessed simply from
your eyes. My heart sank at once, and to-day when I opened the door and
looked at you, I thought the fatal hour had come. Rodya, Rodya, you are
not going away to-day?"
"No!"
"You'll come again?"
"Yes... I'll come."
"Rodya, don't be angry, I don't dare to
question you. I know I mustn't. Only say two words to me—is it far
where you are going?"
"Very far."
"What is awaiting you there? Some post or
career for you?"
"What God sends... only pray for me."
Raskolnikov went to the door, but she clutched him and gazed
despairingly into his eyes. Her face worked with terror.
"Enough, mother," said Raskolnikov,
deeply regretting that he had come.
"Not for ever, it's not yet for ever? You'll
come, you'll come to-morrow?"
"I will, I will, good-bye." He tore
himself away at last.
It was a warm, fresh, bright evening; it had
cleared up in the morning. Raskolnikov went to his lodgings; he made
haste. He wanted to finish all before sunset. He did not want to meet
anyone till then. Going up the stairs he noticed that Nastasya rushed
from the samovar to watch him intently. "Can anyone have come to
see me?" he wondered. He had a disgusted vision of Porfiry. But
opening his door he saw Dounia. She was sitting alone, plunged in deep
thought, and looked as though she had been waiting a long time. He
stopped short in the doorway. She rose from the sofa in dismay and stood
up facing him. Her eyes, fixed upon him, betrayed horror and infinite
grief. And from those eyes alone he saw at once that she knew.
"Am I to come in or go away?" he asked
uncertainly.
"I've been all day with Sofya Semyonovna. We
were both waiting for you. We thought that you would be sure to come
there."
Raskolnikov went into the room and sank exhausted
on a chair.
"I feel weak, Dounia, I am very tired; and I
should have liked at this moment to be able to control myself."
He glanced at her mistrustfully.
"Where were you all night?"
"I don't remember clearly. You see, sister, I
wanted to make up my mind once for all, and several times I walked by
the Neva, I remember that I wanted to end it all there, but... I
couldn't make up my mind," he whispered, looking at her
mistrustfully again.
"Thank God! That was just what we were afraid
of, Sofya Semyonovna and I. Then you still have faith in life? Thank
God, thank God!"
Raskolnikov smiled bitterly.
"I haven't faith, but I have just been
weeping in mother's arms; I haven't faith, but I have just asked her to
pray for me. I don't know how it is, Dounia, I don't understand
it."
"Have you been at mother's? Have you told
her?" cried Dounia, horror-stricken. "Surely you haven't done
that?"
"No, I didn't tell her... in words; but she
understood a great deal. She heard you talking in your sleep. I am sure
she half understands it already. Perhaps I did wrong in going to see
her. I don't know why I did go. I am a contemptible person,
Dounia."
"A contemptible person, but ready to face
suffering! You are, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am going. At once. Yes, to escape the
disgrace I thought of drowning myself, Dounia, but as I looked into the
water, I thought that if I had considered myself strong till now I'd
better not be afraid of disgrace," he said, hurrying on. "It's
pride, Dounia."
"Pride, Rodya."
There was a gleam of fire in his lustreless eyes;
he seemed to be glad to think that he was still proud.
"You don't think, sister, that I was simply
afraid of the water?" he asked, looking into her face with a
sinister smile.
"Oh, Rodya, hush!" cried Dounia
bitterly. Silence lasted for two minutes. He sat with his eyes fixed on
the floor; Dounia stood at the other end of the table and looked at him
with anguish. Suddenly he got up.
"It's late, it's time to go! I am going at
once to give myself up. But I don't know why I am going to give myself
up."
Big tears fell down her cheeks.
"You are crying, sister, but can you hold out
your hand to me?"
"You doubted it?"
She threw her arms round him.
"Aren't you half expiating your crime by
facing the suffering?" she cried, holding him close and kissing
him.
"Crime? What crime?" he cried in sudden
fury. "That I killed a vile noxious insect, an old pawnbroker
woman, of use to no one!... Killing her was atonement for forty sins.
She was sucking the life out of poor people. Was that a crime? I am not
thinking of it and I am not thinking of expiating it, and why are you
all rubbing it in on all sides? 'A crime! a crime!' Only now I see
clearly the imbecility of my cowardice, now that I have decided to face
this superfluous disgrace. It's simply because I am contemptible and
have nothing in me that I have decided to, perhaps too for my advantage,
as that... Porfiry... suggested!"
"Brother, brother, what are you saying? Why,
you have shed blood?" cried Dounia in despair.
"Which all men shed," he put in almost
frantically, "which flows and has always flowed in streams, which
is spilt like champagne, and for which men are crowned in the Capitol
and are called afterwards benefactors of mankind. Look into it more
carefully and understand it! I too wanted to do good to men and would
have done hundreds, thousands of good deeds to make up for that one
piece of stupidity, not stupidity even, simply clumsiness, for the idea
was by no means so stupid as it seems now that it has failed....
(Everything seems stupid when it fails.) By that stupidity I only wanted
to put myself into an independent position, to take the first step, to
obtain means, and then everything would have been smoothed over by
benefits immeasurable in comparison.... But I... I couldn't carry out
even the first step, because I am contemptible, that's what's the
matter! And yet I won't look at it as you do. If I had succeeded I
should have been crowned with glory, but now I'm trapped."
"But that's not so, not so! Brother, what are
you saying?"
"Ah, it's not picturesque, not æsthetically
attractive! I fail to understand why bombarding people by regular siege
is more honourable. The fear of appearances is the first symptom of
impotence. I've never, never recognised this more clearly than now, and
I am further than ever from seeing that what I did was a crime. I've
never, never been stronger and more convinced than now."
The colour had rushed into his pale exhausted
face, but as he uttered his last explanation, he happened to meet
Dounia's eyes and he saw such anguish in them that he could not help
being checked. He felt that he had, anyway, made these two poor women
miserable, that he was, anyway, the cause...
"Dounia darling, if I am guilty forgive me
(though I cannot be forgiven if I am guilty). Good-bye! We won't
dispute. It's time, high time to go. Don't follow me, I beseech you, I
have somewhere else to go.... But you go at once and sit with mother. I
entreat you to! It's my last request of you. Don't leave her at all; I
left her in a state of anxiety, that she is not fit to bear; she will
die or go out of her mind. Be with her! Razumihin will be with you. I've
been talking to him.... Don't cry about me: I'll try to be honest and
manly all my life, even if I am a murderer. Perhaps I shall some day
make a name. I won't disgrace you, you will see; I'll still show.... Now
good-bye for the present," he concluded hurriedly, noticing again a
strange expression in Dounia's eyes at his last words and promises.
"Why are you crying? Don't cry, don't cry: we are not parting for
ever! Ah, yes! Wait a minute, I'd forgotten!"
He went to the table, took up a thick dusty book,
opened it and took from between the pages a little water-colour portrait
on ivory. It was the portrait of his landlady's daughter, who had died
of fever, that strange girl who had wanted to be a nun. For a minute he
gazed at the delicate expressive face of his betrothed, kissed the
portrait and gave it to Dounia.
"I used to talk a great deal about it to her,
only to her," he said thoughtfully. "To her heart I confided
much of what has since been so hideously realised. Don't be
uneasy," he returned to Dounia, "she was as much opposed to it
as you, and I am glad that she is gone. The great point is that
everything now is going to be different, is going to be broken in
two," he cried, suddenly returning to his dejection.
"Everything, everything, and am I prepared for it? Do I want it
myself? They say it is necessary for me to suffer! What's the object of
these senseless sufferings? shall I know any better what they are for,
when I am crushed by hardships and idiocy, and weak as an old man after
twenty years' penal servitude? And what shall I have to live for then?
Why am I consenting to that life now? Oh, I knew I was contemptible when
I stood looking at the Neva at daybreak to-day!"
At last they both went out. It was hard for
Dounia, but she loved him. She walked away, but after going fifty paces
she turned round to look at him again. He was still in sight. At the
corner he too turned and for the last time their eyes met; but noticing
that she was looking at him, he motioned her away with impatience and
even vexation, and turned the corner abruptly.
"I am wicked, I see that," he thought to
himself, feeling ashamed a moment later of his angry gesture to Dounia.
"But why are they so fond of me if I don't deserve it? Oh, if only
I were alone and no one loved me and I too had never loved anyone! Nothing
of all this would have happened. But I wonder shall I in those
fifteen or twenty years grow so meek that I shall humble myself before
people and whimper at every word that I am a criminal? Yes, that's it,
that's it, that's what they are sending me there for, that's what they
want. Look at them running to and fro about the streets, every one of
them a scoundrel and a criminal at heart and, worse still, an idiot. But
try to get me off and they'd be wild with righteous indignation. Oh, how
I hate them all!"
He fell to musing by what process it could come to
pass, that he could be humbled before all of them,
indiscriminately—humbled by conviction. And yet why not? It must be
so. Would not twenty years of continual bondage crush him utterly? Water
wears out a stone. And why, why should he live after that? Why should he
go now when he knew that it would be so? It was the hundredth time
perhaps that he had asked himself that question since the previous
evening, but still he went.
CHAPTER VIII
When he went into Sonia's room, it was already
getting dark. All day Sonia had been waiting for him in terrible
anxiety. Dounia had been waiting with her. She had come to her that
morning, remembering Svidrigaïlov's words that Sonia knew. We will not
describe the conversation and tears of the two girls, and how friendly
they became. Dounia gained one comfort at least from that interview,
that her brother would not be alone. He had gone to her, Sonia, first
with his confession; he had gone to her for human fellowship when he
needed it; she would go with him wherever fate might send him. Dounia
did not ask, but she knew it was so. She looked at Sonia almost with
reverence and at first almost embarrassed her by it. Sonia was almost on
the point of tears. She felt herself, on the contrary, hardly worthy to
look at Dounia. Dounia's gracious image when she had bowed to her so
attentively and respectfully at their first meeting in Raskolnikov's
room had remained in her mind as one of the fairest visions of her life.
Dounia at last became impatient and, leaving
Sonia, went to her brother's room to await him there; she kept thinking
that he would come there first. When she had gone, Sonia began to be
tortured by the dread of his committing suicide, and Dounia too feared
it. But they had spent the day trying to persuade each other that that
could not be, and both were less anxious while they were together. As
soon as they parted, each thought of nothing else. Sonia remembered how
Svidrigaïlov had said to her the day before that Raskolnikov had two
alternatives—Siberia or... Besides she knew his vanity, his pride and
his lack of faith.
"Is it possible that he has nothing but
cowardice and fear of death to make him live?" she thought at last
in despair.
Meanwhile the sun was setting. Sonia was standing
in dejection, looking intently out of the window, but from it she could
see nothing but the unwhitewashed blank wall of the next house. At last
when she began to feel sure of his death—he walked into the room.
She gave a cry of joy, but looking carefully into
his face she turned pale.
"Yes," said Raskolnikov, smiling.
"I have come for your cross, Sonia. It was you told me to go to the
cross-roads; why is it you are frightened now it's come to that?"
Sonia gazed at him astonished. His tone seemed
strange to her; a cold shiver ran over her, but in a moment she guessed
that the tone and the words were a mask. He spoke to her looking away,
as though to avoid meeting her eyes.
"You see, Sonia, I've decided that it will be
better so. There is one fact.... But it's a long story and there's no
need to discuss it. But do you know what angers me? It annoys me that
all those stupid brutish faces will be gaping at me directly, pestering
me with their stupid questions, which I shall have to answer—they'll
point their fingers at me.... Tfoo! You know I am not going to Porfiry,
I am sick of him. I'd rather go to my friend, the Explosive Lieutenant;
how I shall surprise him, what a sensation I shall make! But I must be
cooler; I've become too irritable of late. You know I was nearly shaking
my fist at my sister just now, because she turned to take a last look at
me. It's a brutal state to be in! Ah! what am I coming to! Well, where
are the crosses?"
He seemed hardly to know what he was doing. He
could not stay still or concentrate his attention on anything; his ideas
seemed to gallop after one another, he talked incoherently, his hands
trembled slightly.
Without a word Sonia took out of the drawer two
crosses, one of cypress wood and one of copper. She made the sign of the
cross over herself and over him, and put the wooden cross on his neck.
"It's the symbol of my taking up the
cross," he laughed. "As though I had not suffered much till
now! The wooden cross, that is the peasant one; the copper one, that is
Lizaveta's—you will wear yourself, show me! So she had it on... at
that moment? I remember two things like these too, a silver one and a
little ikon. I threw them back on the old woman's neck. Those would be
appropriate now, really, those are what I ought to put on now.... But I
am talking nonsense and forgetting what matters; I'm somehow
forgetful.... You see I have come to warn you, Sonia, so that you might
know... that's all—that's all I came for. But I thought I had more to
say. You wanted me to go yourself. Well, now I am going to prison and
you'll have your wish. Well, what are you crying for? You too? Don't.
Leave off! Oh, how I hate it all!"
But his feeling was stirred; his heart ached, as
he looked at her. "Why is she grieving too?" he thought to
himself. "What am I to her? Why does she weep? Why is she looking
after me, like my mother or Dounia? She'll be my nurse."
"Cross yourself, say at least one
prayer," Sonia begged in a timid broken voice.
"Oh certainly, as much as you like! And
sincerely, Sonia, sincerely...."
But he wanted to say something quite different.
He crossed himself several times. Sonia took up
her shawl and put it over her head. It was the green drap de dames
shawl of which Marmeladov had spoken, "the family shawl."
Raskolnikov thought of that looking at it, but he did not ask. He began
to feel himself that he was certainly forgetting things and was
disgustingly agitated. He was frightened at this. He was suddenly struck
too by the thought that Sonia meant to go with him.
"What are you doing? Where are you going?
Stay here, stay! I'll go alone," he cried in cowardly vexation, and
almost resentful, he moved towards the door. "What's the use of
going in procession?" he muttered going out.
Sonia remained standing in the middle of the room.
He had not even said good-bye to her; he had forgotten her. A poignant
and rebellious doubt surged in his heart.
"Was it right, was it right, all this?"
he thought again as he went down the stairs. "Couldn't he stop and
retract it all... and not go?"
But still he went. He felt suddenly once for all
that he mustn't ask himself questions. As he turned into the street he
remembered that he had not said good-bye to Sonia, that he had left her
in the middle of the room in her green shawl, not daring to stir after
he had shouted at her, and he stopped short for a moment. At the same
instant, another thought dawned upon him, as though it had been lying in
wait to strike him then.
"Why, with what object did I go to her just
now? I told her—on business; on what business? I had no sort of
business! To tell her I was going; but where was the need? Do I
love her? No, no, I drove her away just now like a dog. Did I want her
crosses? Oh, how low I've sunk! No, I wanted her tears, I wanted to see
her terror, to see how her heart ached! I had to have something to cling
to, something to delay me, some friendly face to see! And I dared to
believe in myself, to dream of what I would do! I am a beggarly
contemptible wretch, contemptible!"
He walked along the canal bank, and he had not
much further to go. But on reaching the bridge he stopped and turning
out of his way along it went to the Hay Market.
He looked eagerly to right and left, gazed
intently at every object and could not fix his attention on anything;
everything slipped away. "In another week, another month I shall be
driven in a prison van over this bridge, how shall I look at the canal
then? I should like to remember this!" slipped into his mind.
"Look at this sign! How shall I read those letters then? It's
written here 'Campany,' that's a thing to remember, that letter a,
and to look at it again in a month—how shall I look at it then? What
shall I be feeling and thinking then?... How trivial it all must be,
what I am fretting about now! Of course it must all be interesting... in
its way... (Ha-ha-ha! What am I thinking about?) I am becoming a baby, I
am showing off to myself; why am I ashamed? Foo! how people shove! that
fat man—a German he must be—who pushed against me, does he know whom
he pushed? There's a peasant woman with a baby, begging. It's curious
that she thinks me happier than she is. I might give her something, for
the incongruity of it. Here's a five copeck piece left in my pocket,
where did I get it? Here, here... take it, my good woman!"
"God bless you," the beggar chanted in a
lachrymose voice.
He went into the Hay Market. It was distasteful,
very distasteful to be in a crowd, but he walked just where he saw most
people. He would have given anything in the world to be alone; but he
knew himself that he would not have remained alone for a moment. There
was a man drunk and disorderly in the crowd; he kept trying to dance and
falling down. There was a ring round him. Raskolnikov squeezed his way
through the crowd, stared for some minutes at the drunken man and
suddenly gave a short jerky laugh. A minute later he had forgotten him
and did not see him, though he still stared. He moved away at last, not
remembering where he was; but when he got into the middle of the square
an emotion suddenly came over him, overwhelming him body and mind.
He suddenly recalled Sonia's words, "Go to
the cross-roads, bow down to the people, kiss the earth, for you have
sinned against it too, and say aloud to the whole world, 'I am a
murderer.'" He trembled, remembering that. And the hopeless misery
and anxiety of all that time, especially of the last hours, had weighed
so heavily upon him that he positively clutched at the chance of this
new unmixed, complete sensation. It came over him like a fit; it was
like a single spark kindled in his soul and spreading fire through him.
Everything in him softened at once and the tears started into his eyes.
He fell to the earth on the spot....
He knelt down in the middle of the square, bowed
down to the earth, and kissed that filthy earth with bliss and rapture.
He got up and bowed down a second time.
"He's boozed," a youth near him
observed.
There was a roar of laughter.
"He's going to Jerusalem, brothers, and
saying good-bye to his children and his country. He's bowing down to all
the world and kissing the great city of St. Petersburg and its
pavement," added a workman who was a little drunk.
"Quite a young man, too!" observed a
third.
"And a gentleman," someone observed
soberly.
"There's no knowing who's a gentleman and who
isn't nowadays."
These exclamations and remarks checked
Raskolnikov, and the words, "I am a murderer," which were
perhaps on the point of dropping from his lips, died away. He bore these
remarks quietly, however, and, without looking round, he turned down a
street leading to the police office. He had a glimpse of something on
the way which did not surprise him; he had felt that it must be so. The
second time he bowed down in the Hay Market he saw, standing fifty paces
from him on the left, Sonia. She was hiding from him behind one of the
wooden shanties in the market-place. She had followed him then on his
painful way! Raskolnikov at that moment felt and knew once for all that
Sonia was with him for ever and would follow him to the ends of the
earth, wherever fate might take him. It wrung his heart... but he was
just reaching the fatal place.
He went into the yard fairly resolutely. He had to
mount to the third storey. "I shall be some time going up," he
thought. He felt as though the fateful moment was still far off, as
though he had plenty of time left for consideration.
Again the same rubbish, the same eggshells lying
about on the spiral stairs, again the open doors of the flats, again the
same kitchens and the same fumes and stench coming from them.
Raskolnikov had not been here since that day. His legs were numb and
gave way under him, but still they moved forward. He stopped for a
moment to take breath, to collect himself, so as to enter like a man.
"But why? what for?" he wondered, reflecting. "If I must
drink the cup what difference does it make? The more revolting the
better." He imagined for an instant the figure of the
"explosive lieutenant," Ilya Petrovitch. Was he actually going
to him? Couldn't he go to someone else? To Nikodim Fomitch? Couldn't he
turn back and go straight to Nikodim Fomitch's lodgings? At least then
it would be done privately.... No, no! To the "explosive
lieutenant"! If he must drink it, drink it off at once.
Turning cold and hardly conscious, he opened the
door of the office. There were very few people in it this time—only a
house porter and a peasant. The doorkeeper did not even peep out from
behind his screen. Raskolnikov walked into the next room. "Perhaps
I still need not speak," passed through his mind. Some sort of
clerk not wearing a uniform was settling himself at a bureau to write.
In a corner another clerk was seating himself. Zametov was not there,
nor, of course, Nikodim Fomitch.
"No one in?" Raskolnikov asked,
addressing the person at the bureau.
"Whom do you want?"
"A-ah! Not a sound was heard, not a sight was
seen, but I scent the Russian... how does it go on in the fairy tale...
I've forgotten! 'At your service!'" a familiar voice cried
suddenly.
Raskolnikov shuddered. The Explosive Lieutenant
stood before him. He had just come in from the third room. "It is
the hand of fate," thought Raskolnikov. "Why is he here?"
"You've come to see us? What about?"
cried Ilya Petrovitch. He was obviously in an exceedingly good humour
and perhaps a trifle exhilarated. "If it's on business you are
rather early.[*] It's only a chance that I am here... however I'll do
what I can. I must admit, I... what is it, what is it? Excuse
me...."
[*] Dostoevsky appears to have forgotten that it is after
sunset, and that the last time Raskolnikov visited the
police office at two in the afternoon he was reproached for
coming too late.—TRANSLATOR.
"Raskolnikov."
"Of course, Raskolnikov. You didn't imagine
I'd forgotten? Don't think I am like that... Rodion
Ro—Ro—Rodionovitch, that's it, isn't it?"
"Rodion Romanovitch."
"Yes, yes, of course, Rodion Romanovitch! I
was just getting at it. I made many inquiries about you. I assure you
I've been genuinely grieved since that... since I behaved like that...
it was explained to me afterwards that you were a literary man... and a
learned one too... and so to say the first steps... Mercy on us! What
literary or scientific man does not begin by some originality of
conduct! My wife and I have the greatest respect for literature, in my
wife it's a genuine passion! Literature and art! If only a man is a
gentleman, all the rest can be gained by talents, learning, good sense,
genius. As for a hat—well, what does a hat matter? I can buy a hat as
easily as I can a bun; but what's under the hat, what the hat covers, I
can't buy that! I was even meaning to come and apologise to you, but
thought maybe you'd... But I am forgetting to ask you, is there anything
you want really? I hear your family have come?"
"Yes, my mother and sister."
"I've even had the honour and happiness of
meeting your sister—a highly cultivated and charming person. I confess
I was sorry I got so hot with you. There it is! But as for my looking
suspiciously at your fainting fit—that affair has been cleared up
splendidly! Bigotry and fanaticism! I understand your indignation.
Perhaps you are changing your lodging on account of your family's
arriving?"
"No, I only looked in... I came to ask... I
thought that I should find Zametov here."
"Oh, yes! Of course, you've made friends, I
heard. Well, no, Zametov is not here. Yes, we've lost Zametov. He's not
been here since yesterday... he quarrelled with everyone on leaving...
in the rudest way. He is a feather-headed youngster, that's all; one
might have expected something from him, but there, you know what they
are, our brilliant young men. He wanted to go in for some examination,
but it's only to talk and boast about it, it will go no further than
that. Of course it's a very different matter with you or Mr. Razumihin
there, your friend. Your career is an intellectual one and you won't be
deterred by failure. For you, one may say, all the attractions of life nihil
est—you are an ascetic, a monk, a hermit!... A book, a pen behind
your ear, a learned research—that's where your spirit soars! I am the
same way myself.... Have you read Livingstone's Travels?"
"No."
"Oh, I have. There are a great many Nihilists
about nowadays, you know, and indeed it is not to be wondered at. What
sort of days are they? I ask you. But we thought... you are not a
Nihilist of course? Answer me openly, openly!"
"N-no..."
"Believe me, you can speak openly to me as
you would to yourself! Official duty is one thing but... you are
thinking I meant to say friendship is quite another? No, you're
wrong! It's not friendship, but the feeling of a man and a citizen, the
feeling of humanity and of love for the Almighty. I may be an official,
but I am always bound to feel myself a man and a citizen.... You were
asking about Zametov. Zametov will make a scandal in the French style in
a house of bad reputation, over a glass of champagne... that's all your
Zametov is good for! While I'm perhaps, so to speak, burning with
devotion and lofty feelings, and besides I have rank, consequence, a
post! I am married and have children, I fulfil the duties of a man and a
citizen, but who is he, may I ask? I appeal to you as a man ennobled by
education... Then these midwives, too, have become extraordinarily
numerous."
Raskolnikov raised his eyebrows inquiringly. The
words of Ilya Petrovitch, who had obviously been dining, were for the
most part a stream of empty sounds for him. But some of them he
understood. He looked at him inquiringly, not knowing how it would end.
"I mean those crop-headed wenches," the
talkative Ilya Petrovitch continued. "Midwives is my name for them.
I think it a very satisfactory one, ha-ha! They go to the Academy, study
anatomy. If I fall ill, am I to send for a young lady to treat me? What
do you say? Ha-ha!" Ilya Petrovitch laughed, quite pleased with his
own wit. "It's an immoderate zeal for education, but once you're
educated, that's enough. Why abuse it? Why insult honourable people, as
that scoundrel Zametov does? Why did he insult me, I ask you? Look at
these suicides, too, how common they are, you can't fancy! People spend
their last halfpenny and kill themselves, boys and girls and old people.
Only this morning we heard about a gentleman who had just come to town.
Nil Pavlitch, I say, what was the name of that gentleman who shot
himself?"
"Svidrigaïlov," someone answered from
the other room with drowsy listlessness.
Raskolnikov started.
"Svidrigaïlov! Svidrigaïlov has shot
himself!" he cried.
"What, do you know Svidrigaïlov?"
"Yes... I knew him.... He hadn't been here
long."
"Yes, that's so. He had lost his wife, was a
man of reckless habits and all of a sudden shot himself, and in such a
shocking way.... He left in his notebook a few words: that he dies in
full possession of his faculties and that no one is to blame for his
death. He had money, they say. How did you come to know him?"
"I... was acquainted... my sister was
governess in his family."
"Bah-bah-bah! Then no doubt you can tell us
something about him. You had no suspicion?"
"I saw him yesterday... he... was drinking
wine; I knew nothing."
Raskolnikov felt as though something had fallen on
him and was stifling him.
"You've turned pale again. It's so stuffy
here..."
"Yes, I must go," muttered Raskolnikov.
"Excuse my troubling you...."
"Oh, not at all, as often as you like. It's a
pleasure to see you and I am glad to say so."
Ilya Petrovitch held out his hand.
"I only wanted... I came to see
Zametov."
"I understand, I understand, and it's a
pleasure to see you."
"I... am very glad... good-bye,"
Raskolnikov smiled.
He went out; he reeled, he was overtaken with
giddiness and did not know what he was doing. He began going down the
stairs, supporting himself with his right hand against the wall. He
fancied that a porter pushed past him on his way upstairs to the police
office, that a dog in the lower storey kept up a shrill barking and that
a woman flung a rolling-pin at it and shouted. He went down and out into
the yard. There, not far from the entrance, stood Sonia, pale and
horror-stricken. She looked wildly at him. He stood still before her.
There was a look of poignant agony, of despair, in her face. She clasped
her hands. His lips worked in an ugly, meaningless smile. He stood still
a minute, grinned and went back to the police office.
Ilya Petrovitch had sat down and was rummaging
among some papers. Before him stood the same peasant who had pushed by
on the stairs.
"Hulloa! Back again! have you left something
behind? What's the matter?"
Raskolnikov, with white lips and staring eyes,
came slowly nearer. He walked right to the table, leaned his hand on it,
tried to say something, but could not; only incoherent sounds were
audible.
"You are feeling ill, a chair! Here, sit
down! Some water!"
Raskolnikov dropped on to a chair, but he kept his
eyes fixed on the face of Ilya Petrovitch, which expressed unpleasant
surprise. Both looked at one another for a minute and waited. Water was
brought.
"It was I..." began Raskolnikov.
"Drink some water."
Raskolnikov refused the water with his hand, and
softly and brokenly, but distinctly said:
"It was I killed the old pawnbroker woman
and her sister Lizaveta with an axe and robbed them."
Ilya Petrovitch opened his mouth. People ran up on
all sides.
Raskolnikov repeated his statement.
EPILOGUE
I
Siberia. On the banks of a broad solitary river
stands a town, one of the administrative centres of Russia; in the town
there is a fortress, in the fortress there is a prison. In the prison
the second-class convict Rodion Raskolnikov has been confined for nine
months. Almost a year and a half has passed since his crime.
There had been little difficulty about his trial.
The criminal adhered exactly, firmly, and clearly to his statement. He
did not confuse nor misrepresent the facts, nor soften them in his own
interest, nor omit the smallest detail. He explained every incident of
the murder, the secret of the pledge (the piece of wood with a
strip of metal) which was found in the murdered woman's hand. He
described minutely how he had taken her keys, what they were like, as
well as the chest and its contents; he explained the mystery of
Lizaveta's murder; described how Koch and, after him, the student
knocked, and repeated all they had said to one another; how he
afterwards had run downstairs and heard Nikolay and Dmitri shouting; how
he had hidden in the empty flat and afterwards gone home. He ended by
indicating the stone in the yard off the Voznesensky Prospect under
which the purse and the trinkets were found. The whole thing, in fact,
was perfectly clear. The lawyers and the judges were very much struck,
among other things, by the fact that he had hidden the trinkets and the
purse under a stone, without making use of them, and that, what was
more, he did not now remember what the trinkets were like, or even how
many there were. The fact that he had never opened the purse and did not
even know how much was in it seemed incredible. There turned out to be
in the purse three hundred and seventeen roubles and sixty copecks. From
being so long under the stone, some of the most valuable notes lying
uppermost had suffered from the damp. They were a long while trying to
discover why the accused man should tell a lie about this, when about
everything else he had made a truthful and straightforward confession.
Finally some of the lawyers more versed in psychology admitted that it
was possible he had really not looked into the purse, and so didn't know
what was in it when he hid it under the stone. But they immediately drew
the deduction that the crime could only have been committed through
temporary mental derangement, through homicidal mania, without object or
the pursuit of gain. This fell in with the most recent fashionable
theory of temporary insanity, so often applied in our days in criminal
cases. Moreover Raskolnikov's hypochondriacal condition was proved by
many witnesses, by Dr. Zossimov, his former fellow students, his
landlady and her servant. All this pointed strongly to the conclusion
that Raskolnikov was not quite like an ordinary murderer and robber, but
that there was another element in the case.
To the intense annoyance of those who maintained
this opinion, the criminal scarcely attempted to defend himself. To the
decisive question as to what motive impelled him to the murder and the
robbery, he answered very clearly with the coarsest frankness that the
cause was his miserable position, his poverty and helplessness, and his
desire to provide for his first steps in life by the help of the three
thousand roubles he had reckoned on finding. He had been led to the
murder through his shallow and cowardly nature, exasperated moreover by
privation and failure. To the question what led him to confess, he
answered that it was his heartfelt repentance. All this was almost
coarse....
The sentence however was more merciful than could
have been expected, perhaps partly because the criminal had not tried to
justify himself, but had rather shown a desire to exaggerate his guilt.
All the strange and peculiar circumstances of the crime were taken into
consideration. There could be no doubt of the abnormal and
poverty-stricken condition of the criminal at the time. The fact that he
had made no use of what he had stolen was put down partly to the effect
of remorse, partly to his abnormal mental condition at the time of the
crime. Incidentally the murder of Lizaveta served indeed to confirm the
last hypothesis: a man commits two murders and forgets that the door is
open! Finally, the confession, at the very moment when the case was
hopelessly muddled by the false evidence given by Nikolay through
melancholy and fanaticism, and when, moreover, there were no proofs
against the real criminal, no suspicions even (Porfiry Petrovitch fully
kept his word)—all this did much to soften the sentence. Other
circumstances, too, in the prisoner's favour came out quite
unexpectedly. Razumihin somehow discovered and proved that while
Raskolnikov was at the university he had helped a poor consumptive
fellow student and had spent his last penny on supporting him for six
months, and when this student died, leaving a decrepit old father whom
he had maintained almost from his thirteenth year, Raskolnikov had got
the old man into a hospital and paid for his funeral when he died.
Raskolnikov's landlady bore witness, too, that when they had lived in
another house at Five Corners, Raskolnikov had rescued two little
children from a house on fire and was burnt in doing so. This was
investigated and fairly well confirmed by many witnesses. These facts
made an impression in his favour.
And in the end the criminal was, in consideration
of extenuating circumstances, condemned to penal servitude in the second
class for a term of eight years only.
At the very beginning of the trial Raskolnikov's
mother fell ill. Dounia and Razumihin found it possible to get her out
of Petersburg during the trial. Razumihin chose a town on the railway
not far from Petersburg, so as to be able to follow every step of the
trial and at the same time to see Avdotya Romanovna as often as
possible. Pulcheria Alexandrovna's illness was a strange nervous one and
was accompanied by a partial derangement of her intellect.
When Dounia returned from her last interview with
her brother, she had found her mother already ill, in feverish delirium.
That evening Razumihin and she agreed what answers they must make to her
mother's questions about Raskolnikov and made up a complete story for
her mother's benefit of his having to go away to a distant part of
Russia on a business commission, which would bring him in the end money
and reputation.
But they were struck by the fact that Pulcheria
Alexandrovna never asked them anything on the subject, neither then nor
thereafter. On the contrary, she had her own version of her son's sudden
departure; she told them with tears how he had come to say good-bye to
her, hinting that she alone knew many mysterious and important facts,
and that Rodya had many very powerful enemies, so that it was necessary
for him to be in hiding. As for his future career, she had no doubt that
it would be brilliant when certain sinister influences could be removed.
She assured Razumihin that her son would be one day a great statesman,
that his article and brilliant literary talent proved it. This article
she was continually reading, she even read it aloud, almost took it to
bed with her, but scarcely asked where Rodya was, though the subject was
obviously avoided by the others, which might have been enough to awaken
her suspicions.
They began to be frightened at last at Pulcheria
Alexandrovna's strange silence on certain subjects. She did not, for
instance, complain of getting no letters from him, though in previous
years she had only lived on the hope of letters from her beloved Rodya.
This was the cause of great uneasiness to Dounia; the idea occurred to
her that her mother suspected that there was something terrible in her
son's fate and was afraid to ask, for fear of hearing something still
more awful. In any case, Dounia saw clearly that her mother was not in
full possession of her faculties.
It happened once or twice, however, that Pulcheria
Alexandrovna gave such a turn to the conversation that it was impossible
to answer her without mentioning where Rodya was, and on receiving
unsatisfactory and suspicious answers she became at once gloomy and
silent, and this mood lasted for a long time. Dounia saw at last that it
was hard to deceive her and came to the conclusion that it was better to
be absolutely silent on certain points; but it became more and more
evident that the poor mother suspected something terrible. Dounia
remembered her brother's telling her that her mother had overheard her
talking in her sleep on the night after her interview with Svidrigaïlov
and before the fatal day of the confession: had not she made out
something from that? Sometimes days and even weeks of gloomy silence and
tears would be succeeded by a period of hysterical animation, and the
invalid would begin to talk almost incessantly of her son, of her hopes
of his future.... Her fancies were sometimes very strange. They humoured
her, pretended to agree with her (she saw perhaps that they were
pretending), but she still went on talking.
Five months after Raskolnikov's confession, he was
sentenced. Razumihin and Sonia saw him in prison as often as it was
possible. At last the moment of separation came. Dounia swore to her
brother that the separation should not be for ever, Razumihin did the
same. Razumihin, in his youthful ardour, had firmly resolved to lay the
foundations at least of a secure livelihood during the next three or
four years, and saving up a certain sum, to emigrate to Siberia, a
country rich in every natural resource and in need of workers, active
men and capital. There they would settle in the town where Rodya was and
all together would begin a new life. They all wept at parting.
Raskolnikov had been very dreamy for a few days
before. He asked a great deal about his mother and was constantly
anxious about her. He worried so much about her that it alarmed Dounia.
When he heard about his mother's illness he became very gloomy. With
Sonia he was particularly reserved all the time. With the help of the
money left to her by Svidrigaïlov, Sonia had long ago made her
preparations to follow the party of convicts in which he was despatched
to Siberia. Not a word passed between Raskolnikov and her on the
subject, but both knew it would be so. At the final leave-taking he
smiled strangely at his sister's and Razumihin's fervent anticipations
of their happy future together when he should come out of prison. He
predicted that their mother's illness would soon have a fatal ending.
Sonia and he at last set off.
Two months later Dounia was married to Razumihin.
It was a quiet and sorrowful wedding; Porfiry Petrovitch and Zossimov
were invited however. During all this period Razumihin wore an air of
resolute determination. Dounia put implicit faith in his carrying out
his plans and indeed she could not but believe in him. He displayed a
rare strength of will. Among other things he began attending university
lectures again in order to take his degree. They were continually making
plans for the future; both counted on settling in Siberia within five
years at least. Till then they rested their hopes on Sonia.
Pulcheria Alexandrovna was delighted to give her
blessing to Dounia's marriage with Razumihin; but after the marriage she
became even more melancholy and anxious. To give her pleasure Razumihin
told her how Raskolnikov had looked after the poor student and his
decrepit father and how a year ago he had been burnt and injured in
rescuing two little children from a fire. These two pieces of news
excited Pulcheria Alexandrovna's disordered imagination almost to
ecstasy. She was continually talking about them, even entering into
conversation with strangers in the street, though Dounia always
accompanied her. In public conveyances and shops, wherever she could
capture a listener, she would begin the discourse about her son, his
article, how he had helped the student, how he had been burnt at the
fire, and so on! Dounia did not know how to restrain her. Apart from the
danger of her morbid excitement, there was the risk of someone's
recalling Raskolnikov's name and speaking of the recent trial. Pulcheria
Alexandrovna found out the address of the mother of the two children her
son had saved and insisted on going to see her.
At last her restlessness reached an extreme point.
She would sometimes begin to cry suddenly and was often ill and
feverishly delirious. One morning she declared that by her reckoning
Rodya ought soon to be home, that she remembered when he said good-bye
to her he said that they must expect him back in nine months. She began
to prepare for his coming, began to do up her room for him, to clean the
furniture, to wash and put up new hangings and so on. Dounia was
anxious, but said nothing and helped her to arrange the room. After a
fatiguing day spent in continual fancies, in joyful day-dreams and
tears, Pulcheria Alexandrovna was taken ill in the night and by morning
she was feverish and delirious. It was brain fever. She died within a
fortnight. In her delirium she dropped words which showed that she knew
a great deal more about her son's terrible fate than they had supposed.
For a long time Raskolnikov did not know of his
mother's death, though a regular correspondence had been maintained from
the time he reached Siberia. It was carried on by means of Sonia, who
wrote every month to the Razumihins and received an answer with
unfailing regularity. At first they found Sonia's letters dry and
unsatisfactory, but later on they came to the conclusion that the
letters could not be better, for from these letters they received a
complete picture of their unfortunate brother's life. Sonia's letters
were full of the most matter-of-fact detail, the simplest and clearest
description of all Raskolnikov's surroundings as a convict. There was no
word of her own hopes, no conjecture as to the future, no description of
her feelings. Instead of any attempt to interpret his state of mind and
inner life, she gave the simple facts—that is, his own words, an exact
account of his health, what he asked for at their interviews, what
commission he gave her and so on. All these facts she gave with
extraordinary minuteness. The picture of their unhappy brother stood out
at last with great clearness and precision. There could be no mistake,
because nothing was given but facts.
But Dounia and her husband could get little
comfort out of the news, especially at first. Sonia wrote that he was
constantly sullen and not ready to talk, that he scarcely seemed
interested in the news she gave him from their letters, that he
sometimes asked after his mother and that when, seeing that he had
guessed the truth, she told him at last of her death, she was surprised
to find that he did not seem greatly affected by it, not externally at
any rate. She told them that, although he seemed so wrapped up in
himself and, as it were, shut himself off from everyone—he took a very
direct and simple view of his new life; that he understood his position,
expected nothing better for the time, had no ill-founded hopes (as is so
common in his position) and scarcely seemed surprised at anything in his
surroundings, so unlike anything he had known before. She wrote that his
health was satisfactory; he did his work without shirking or seeking to
do more; he was almost indifferent about food, but except on Sundays and
holidays the food was so bad that at last he had been glad to accept
some money from her, Sonia, to have his own tea every day. He begged her
not to trouble about anything else, declaring that all this fuss about
him only annoyed him. Sonia wrote further that in prison he shared the
same room with the rest, that she had not seen the inside of their
barracks, but concluded that they were crowded, miserable and unhealthy;
that he slept on a plank bed with a rug under him and was unwilling to
make any other arrangement. But that he lived so poorly and roughly, not
from any plan or design, but simply from inattention and indifference.
Sonia wrote simply that he had at first shown no
interest in her visits, had almost been vexed with her indeed for
coming, unwilling to talk and rude to her. But that in the end these
visits had become a habit and almost a necessity for him, so that he was
positively distressed when she was ill for some days and could not visit
him. She used to see him on holidays at the prison gates or in the
guard-room, to which he was brought for a few minutes to see her. On
working days she would go to see him at work either at the workshops or
at the brick kilns, or at the sheds on the banks of the Irtish.
About herself, Sonia wrote that she had succeeded
in making some acquaintances in the town, that she did sewing, and, as
there was scarcely a dressmaker in the town, she was looked upon as an
indispensable person in many houses. But she did not mention that the
authorities were, through her, interested in Raskolnikov; that his task
was lightened and so on.
At last the news came (Dounia had indeed noticed
signs of alarm and uneasiness in the preceding letters) that he held
aloof from everyone, that his fellow prisoners did not like him, that he
kept silent for days at a time and was becoming very pale. In the last
letter Sonia wrote that he had been taken very seriously ill and was in
the convict ward of the hospital.
II
He was ill a long time. But it was not the horrors
of prison life, not the hard labour, the bad food, the shaven head, or
the patched clothes that crushed him. What did he care for all those
trials and hardships! he was even glad of the hard work. Physically
exhausted, he could at least reckon on a few hours of quiet sleep. And
what was the food to him—the thin cabbage soup with beetles floating
in it? In the past as a student he had often not had even that. His
clothes were warm and suited to his manner of life. He did not even feel
the fetters. Was he ashamed of his shaven head and parti-coloured coat?
Before whom? Before Sonia? Sonia was afraid of him, how could he be
ashamed before her? And yet he was ashamed even before Sonia, whom he
tortured because of it with his contemptuous rough manner. But it was
not his shaven head and his fetters he was ashamed of: his pride had
been stung to the quick. It was wounded pride that made him ill. Oh, how
happy he would have been if he could have blamed himself! He could have
borne anything then, even shame and disgrace. But he judged himself
severely, and his exasperated conscience found no particularly terrible
fault in his past, except a simple blunder which might happen to
anyone. He was ashamed just because he, Raskolnikov, had so hopelessly,
stupidly come to grief through some decree of blind fate, and must
humble himself and submit to "the idiocy" of a sentence, if he
were anyhow to be at peace.
Vague and objectless anxiety in the present, and
in the future a continual sacrifice leading to nothing—that was all
that lay before him. And what comfort was it to him that at the end of
eight years he would only be thirty-two and able to begin a new life!
What had he to live for? What had he to look forward to? Why should he
strive? To live in order to exist? Why, he had been ready a thousand
times before to give up existence for the sake of an idea, for a hope,
even for a fancy. Mere existence had always been too little for him; he
had always wanted more. Perhaps it was just because of the strength of
his desires that he had thought himself a man to whom more was
permissible than to others.
And if only fate would have sent him
repentance—burning repentance that would have torn his heart and
robbed him of sleep, that repentance, the awful agony of which brings
visions of hanging or drowning! Oh, he would have been glad of it! Tears
and agonies would at least have been life. But he did not repent of his
crime.
At least he might have found relief in raging at
his stupidity, as he had raged at the grotesque blunders that had
brought him to prison. But now in prison, in freedom, he thought
over and criticised all his actions again and by no means found them so
blundering and so grotesque as they had seemed at the fatal time.
"In what way," he asked himself,
"was my theory stupider than others that have swarmed and clashed
from the beginning of the world? One has only to look at the thing quite
independently, broadly, and uninfluenced by commonplace ideas, and my
idea will by no means seem so... strange. Oh, sceptics and halfpenny
philosophers, why do you halt half-way!"
"Why does my action strike them as so
horrible?" he said to himself. "Is it because it was a crime?
What is meant by crime? My conscience is at rest. Of course, it was a
legal crime, of course, the letter of the law was broken and blood was
shed. Well, punish me for the letter of the law... and that's enough. Of
course, in that case many of the benefactors of mankind who snatched
power for themselves instead of inheriting it ought to have been
punished at their first steps. But those men succeeded and so they
were right, and I didn't, and so I had no right to have taken that
step."
It was only in that that he recognised his
criminality, only in the fact that he had been unsuccessful and had
confessed it.
He suffered too from the question: why had he not
killed himself? Why had he stood looking at the river and preferred to
confess? Was the desire to live so strong and was it so hard to overcome
it? Had not Svidrigaïlov overcome it, although he was afraid of death?
In misery he asked himself this question, and
could not understand that, at the very time he had been standing looking
into the river, he had perhaps been dimly conscious of the fundamental
falsity in himself and his convictions. He didn't understand that that
consciousness might be the promise of a future crisis, of a new view of
life and of his future resurrection.
He preferred to attribute it to the dead weight of
instinct which he could not step over, again through weakness and
meanness. He looked at his fellow prisoners and was amazed to see how
they all loved life and prized it. It seemed to him that they loved and
valued life more in prison than in freedom. What terrible agonies and
privations some of them, the tramps for instance, had endured! Could
they care so much for a ray of sunshine, for the primeval forest, the
cold spring hidden away in some unseen spot, which the tramp had marked
three years before, and longed to see again, as he might to see his
sweetheart, dreaming of the green grass round it and the bird singing in
the bush? As he went on he saw still more inexplicable examples.
In prison, of course, there was a great deal he
did not see and did not want to see; he lived as it were with downcast
eyes. It was loathsome and unbearable for him to look. But in the end
there was much that surprised him and he began, as it were
involuntarily, to notice much that he had not suspected before. What
surprised him most of all was the terrible impossible gulf that lay
between him and all the rest. They seemed to be a different species, and
he looked at them and they at him with distrust and hostility. He felt
and knew the reasons of his isolation, but he would never have admitted
till then that those reasons were so deep and strong. There were some
Polish exiles, political prisoners, among them. They simply looked down
upon all the rest as ignorant churls; but Raskolnikov could not look
upon them like that. He saw that these ignorant men were in many
respects far wiser than the Poles. There were some Russians who were
just as contemptuous, a former officer and two seminarists. Raskolnikov
saw their mistake as clearly. He was disliked and avoided by everyone;
they even began to hate him at last—why, he could not tell. Men who
had been far more guilty despised and laughed at his crime.
"You're a gentleman," they used to say.
"You shouldn't hack about with an axe; that's not a gentleman's
work."
The second week in Lent, his turn came to take the
sacrament with his gang. He went to church and prayed with the others. A
quarrel broke out one day, he did not know how. All fell on him at once
in a fury.
"You're an infidel! You don't believe in
God," they shouted. "You ought to be killed."
He had never talked to them about God nor his
belief, but they wanted to kill him as an infidel. He said nothing. One
of the prisoners rushed at him in a perfect frenzy. Raskolnikov awaited
him calmly and silently; his eyebrows did not quiver, his face did not
flinch. The guard succeeded in intervening between him and his
assailant, or there would have been bloodshed.
There was another question he could not decide:
why were they all so fond of Sonia? She did not try to win their favour;
she rarely met them, sometimes only she came to see him at work for a
moment. And yet everybody knew her, they knew that she had come out to
follow him, knew how and where she lived. She never gave them
money, did them no particular services. Only once at Christmas she sent
them all presents of pies and rolls. But by degrees closer relations
sprang up between them and Sonia. She would write and post letters for
them to their relations. Relations of the prisoners who visited the
town, at their instructions, left with Sonia presents and money for
them. Their wives and sweethearts knew her and used to visit her. And
when she visited Raskolnikov at work, or met a party of the prisoners on
the road, they all took off their hats to her. "Little mother Sofya
Semyonovna, you are our dear, good little mother," coarse branded
criminals said to that frail little creature. She would smile and bow to
them and everyone was delighted when she smiled. They even admired her
gait and turned round to watch her walking; they admired her too for
being so little, and, in fact, did not know what to admire her most for.
They even came to her for help in their illnesses.
He was in the hospital from the middle of Lent
till after Easter. When he was better, he remembered the dreams he had
had while he was feverish and delirious. He dreamt that the whole world
was condemned to a terrible new strange plague that had come to Europe
from the depths of Asia. All were to be destroyed except a very few
chosen. Some new sorts of microbes were attacking the bodies of men, but
these microbes were endowed with intelligence and will. Men attacked by
them became at once mad and furious. But never had men considered
themselves so intellectual and so completely in possession of the truth
as these sufferers, never had they considered their decisions, their
scientific conclusions, their moral convictions so infallible. Whole
villages, whole towns and peoples went mad from the infection. All were
excited and did not understand one another. Each thought that he alone
had the truth and was wretched looking at the others, beat himself on
the breast, wept, and wrung his hands. They did not know how to judge
and could not agree what to consider evil and what good; they did not
know whom to blame, whom to justify. Men killed each other in a sort of
senseless spite. They gathered together in armies against one another,
but even on the march the armies would begin attacking each other, the
ranks would be broken and the soldiers would fall on each other,
stabbing and cutting, biting and devouring each other. The alarm bell
was ringing all day long in the towns; men rushed together, but why they
were summoned and who was summoning them no one knew. The most ordinary
trades were abandoned, because everyone proposed his own ideas, his own
improvements, and they could not agree. The land too was abandoned. Men
met in groups, agreed on something, swore to keep together, but at once
began on something quite different from what they had proposed. They
accused one another, fought and killed each other. There were
conflagrations and famine. All men and all things were involved in
destruction. The plague spread and moved further and further. Only a few
men could be saved in the whole world. They were a pure chosen people,
destined to found a new race and a new life, to renew and purify the
earth, but no one had seen these men, no one had heard their words and
their voices.
Raskolnikov was worried that this senseless dream
haunted his memory so miserably, the impression of this feverish
delirium persisted so long. The second week after Easter had come. There
were warm bright spring days; in the prison ward the grating windows
under which the sentinel paced were opened. Sonia had only been able to
visit him twice during his illness; each time she had to obtain
permission, and it was difficult. But she often used to come to the
hospital yard, especially in the evening, sometimes only to stand a
minute and look up at the windows of the ward.
One evening, when he was almost well again,
Raskolnikov fell asleep. On waking up he chanced to go to the window,
and at once saw Sonia in the distance at the hospital gate. She seemed
to be waiting for someone. Something stabbed him to the heart at that
minute. He shuddered and moved away from the window. Next day Sonia did
not come, nor the day after; he noticed that he was expecting her
uneasily. At last he was discharged. On reaching the prison he learnt
from the convicts that Sofya Semyonovna was lying ill at home and was
unable to go out.
He was very uneasy and sent to inquire after her;
he soon learnt that her illness was not dangerous. Hearing that he was
anxious about her, Sonia sent him a pencilled note, telling him that she
was much better, that she had a slight cold and that she would soon,
very soon come and see him at his work. His heart throbbed painfully as
he read it.
Again it was a warm bright day. Early in the
morning, at six o'clock, he went off to work on the river bank, where
they used to pound alabaster and where there was a kiln for baking it in
a shed. There were only three of them sent. One of the convicts went
with the guard to the fortress to fetch a tool; the other began getting
the wood ready and laying it in the kiln. Raskolnikov came out of the
shed on to the river bank, sat down on a heap of logs by the shed and
began gazing at the wide deserted river. From the high bank a broad
landscape opened before him, the sound of singing floated faintly
audible from the other bank. In the vast steppe, bathed in sunshine, he
could just see, like black specks, the nomads' tents. There there was
freedom, there other men were living, utterly unlike those here; there
time itself seemed to stand still, as though the age of Abraham and his
flocks had not passed. Raskolnikov sat gazing, his thoughts passed into
day-dreams, into contemplation; he thought of nothing, but a vague
restlessness excited and troubled him. Suddenly he found Sonia beside
him; she had come up noiselessly and sat down at his side. It was still
quite early; the morning chill was still keen. She wore her poor old
burnous and the green shawl; her face still showed signs of illness, it
was thinner and paler. She gave him a joyful smile of welcome, but held
out her hand with her usual timidity. She was always timid of holding
out her hand to him and sometimes did not offer it at all, as though
afraid he would repel it. He always took her hand as though with
repugnance, always seemed vexed to meet her and was sometimes
obstinately silent throughout her visit. Sometimes she trembled before
him and went away deeply grieved. But now their hands did not part. He
stole a rapid glance at her and dropped his eyes on the ground without
speaking. They were alone, no one had seen them. The guard had turned
away for the time.
How it happened he did not know. But all at once
something seemed to seize him and fling him at her feet. He wept and
threw his arms round her knees. For the first instant she was terribly
frightened and she turned pale. She jumped up and looked at him
trembling. But at the same moment she understood, and a light of
infinite happiness came into her eyes. She knew and had no doubt that he
loved her beyond everything and that at last the moment had come....
They wanted to speak, but could not; tears stood
in their eyes. They were both pale and thin; but those sick pale faces
were bright with the dawn of a new future, of a full resurrection into a
new life. They were renewed by love; the heart of each held infinite
sources of life for the heart of the other.
They resolved to wait and be patient. They had
another seven years to wait, and what terrible suffering and what
infinite happiness before them! But he had risen again and he knew it
and felt it in all his being, while she—she only lived in his life.
On the evening of the same day, when the barracks
were locked, Raskolnikov lay on his plank bed and thought of her. He had
even fancied that day that all the convicts who had been his enemies
looked at him differently; he had even entered into talk with them and
they answered him in a friendly way. He remembered that now, and thought
it was bound to be so. Wasn't everything now bound to be changed?
He thought of her. He remembered how continually
he had tormented her and wounded her heart. He remembered her pale and
thin little face. But these recollections scarcely troubled him now; he
knew with what infinite love he would now repay all her sufferings. And
what were all, all the agonies of the past! Everything, even his
crime, his sentence and imprisonment, seemed to him now in the first
rush of feeling an external, strange fact with which he had no concern.
But he could not think for long together of anything that evening, and
he could not have analysed anything consciously; he was simply feeling.
Life had stepped into the place of theory and something quite different
would work itself out in his mind.
Under his pillow lay the New Testament. He took it
up mechanically. The book belonged to Sonia; it was the one from which
she had read the raising of Lazarus to him. At first he was afraid that
she would worry him about religion, would talk about the gospel and
pester him with books. But to his great surprise she had not once
approached the subject and had not even offered him the Testament. He
had asked her for it himself not long before his illness and she brought
him the book without a word. Till now he had not opened it.
He did not open it now, but one thought passed
through his mind: "Can her convictions not be mine now? Her
feelings, her aspirations at least...."
She too had been greatly agitated that day, and at
night she was taken ill again. But she was so happy—and so
unexpectedly happy—that she was almost frightened of her happiness.
Seven years, only seven years! At the beginning of their
happiness at some moments they were both ready to look on those seven
years as though they were seven days. He did not know that the new life
would not be given him for nothing, that he would have to pay dearly for
it, that it would cost him great striving, great suffering.
But that is the beginning of a new story—the
story of the gradual renewal of a man, the story of his gradual
regeneration, of his passing from one world into another, of his
initiation into a new unknown life. That might be the subject of a new
story, but our present story is ended.
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