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Contents
TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
EPILOGUE
TRANSLATOR'S PREFACE
A few words about Dostoevsky himself may help the
English reader to understand his work.
Dostoevsky was the son of a doctor. His parents
were very hard-working and deeply religious people, but so poor that
they lived with their five children in only two rooms. The father and
mother spent their evenings in reading aloud to their children,
generally from books of a serious character.
Though always sickly and delicate Dostoevsky came
out third in the final examination of the Petersburg school of
Engineering. There he had already begun his first work, "Poor
Folk."
This story was published by the poet Nekrassov in
his review and was received with acclamations. The shy, unknown youth
found himself instantly something of a celebrity. A brilliant and
successful career seemed to open before him, but those hopes were soon
dashed. In 1849 he was arrested.
Though neither by temperament nor conviction a
revolutionist, Dostoevsky was one of a little group of young men who met
together to read Fourier and Proudhon. He was accused of "taking
part in conversations against the censorship, of reading a letter from
Byelinsky to Gogol, and of knowing of the intention to set up a printing
press." Under Nicholas I. (that "stern and just man," as
Maurice Baring calls him) this was enough, and he was condemned to
death. After eight months' imprisonment he was with twenty-one others
taken out to the Semyonovsky Square to be shot. Writing to his brother
Mihail, Dostoevsky says: "They snapped words over our heads, and
they made us put on the white shirts worn by persons condemned to death.
Thereupon we were bound in threes to stakes, to suffer execution. Being
the third in the row, I concluded I had only a few minutes of life
before me. I thought of you and your dear ones and I contrived to kiss
Plestcheiev and Dourov, who were next to me, and to bid them farewell.
Suddenly the troops beat a tattoo, we were unbound, brought back upon
the scaffold, and informed that his Majesty had spared us our
lives." The sentence was commuted to hard labour.
One of the prisoners, Grigoryev, went mad as soon
as he was untied, and never regained his sanity.
The intense suffering of this experience left a
lasting stamp on Dostoevsky's mind. Though his religious temper led him
in the end to accept every suffering with resignation and to regard it
as a blessing in his own case, he constantly recurs to the subject in
his writings. He describes the awful agony of the condemned man and
insists on the cruelty of inflicting such torture. Then followed four
years of penal servitude, spent in the company of common criminals in
Siberia, where he began the "Dead House," and some years of
service in a disciplinary battalion.
He had shown signs of some obscure nervous disease
before his arrest and this now developed into violent attacks of
epilepsy, from which he suffered for the rest of his life. The fits
occurred three or four times a year and were more frequent in periods of
great strain. In 1859 he was allowed to return to Russia. He started a
journal—"Vremya," which was forbidden by the Censorship
through a misunderstanding. In 1864 he lost his first wife and his
brother Mihail. He was in terrible poverty, yet he took upon himself the
payment of his brother's debts. He started another journal—"The
Epoch," which within a few months was also prohibited. He was
weighed down by debt, his brother's family was dependent on him, he was
forced to write at heart-breaking speed, and is said never to have
corrected his work. The later years of his life were much softened by
the tenderness and devotion of his second wife.
In June 1880 he made his famous speech at the
unveiling of the monument to Pushkin in Moscow and he was received with
extraordinary demonstrations of love and honour.
A few months later Dostoevsky died. He was
followed to the grave by a vast multitude of mourners, who "gave
the hapless man the funeral of a king." He is still probably the
most widely read writer in Russia.
In the words of a Russian critic, who seeks to
explain the feeling inspired by Dostoevsky: "He was one of
ourselves, a man of our blood and our bone, but one who has suffered and
has seen so much more deeply than we have his insight impresses us as
wisdom... that wisdom of the heart which we seek that we may learn from
it how to live. All his other gifts came to him from nature, this he won
for himself and through it he became great."
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT
PART I
CHAPTER I
On an exceptionally hot evening early in July a
young man came out of the garret in which he lodged in S. Place and
walked slowly, as though in hesitation, towards K. bridge.
He had successfully avoided meeting his landlady
on the staircase. His garret was under the roof of a high, five-storied
house and was more like a cupboard than a room. The landlady who
provided him with garret, dinners, and attendance, lived on the floor
below, and every time he went out he was obliged to pass her kitchen,
the door of which invariably stood open. And each time he passed, the
young man had a sick, frightened feeling, which made him scowl and feel
ashamed. He was hopelessly in debt to his landlady, and was afraid of
meeting her.
This was not because he was cowardly and abject,
quite the contrary; but for some time past he had been in an
overstrained irritable condition, verging on hypochondria. He had become
so completely absorbed in himself, and isolated from his fellows that he
dreaded meeting, not only his landlady, but anyone at all. He was
crushed by poverty, but the anxieties of his position had of late ceased
to weigh upon him. He had given up attending to matters of practical
importance; he had lost all desire to do so. Nothing that any landlady
could do had a real terror for him. But to be stopped on the stairs, to
be forced to listen to her trivial, irrelevant gossip, to pestering
demands for payment, threats and complaints, and to rack his brains for
excuses, to prevaricate, to lie—no, rather than that, he would creep
down the stairs like a cat and slip out unseen.
This evening, however, on coming out into the
street, he became acutely aware of his fears.
"I want to attempt a thing like that
and am frightened by these trifles," he thought, with an odd smile.
"Hm... yes, all is in a man's hands and he lets it all slip from
cowardice, that's an axiom. It would be interesting to know what it is
men are most afraid of. Taking a new step, uttering a new word is what
they fear most.... But I am talking too much. It's because I chatter
that I do nothing. Or perhaps it is that I chatter because I do nothing.
I've learned to chatter this last month, lying for days together in my
den thinking... of Jack the Giant-killer. Why am I going there now? Am I
capable of that? Is that serious? It is not serious at
all. It's simply a fantasy to amuse myself; a plaything! Yes, maybe it
is a plaything."
The heat in the street was terrible: and the
airlessness, the bustle and the plaster, scaffolding, bricks, and dust
all about him, and that special Petersburg stench, so familiar to all
who are unable to get out of town in summer—all worked painfully upon
the young man's already overwrought nerves. The insufferable stench from
the pot-houses, which are particularly numerous in that part of the
town, and the drunken men whom he met continually, although it was a
working day, completed the revolting misery of the picture. An
expression of the profoundest disgust gleamed for a moment in the young
man's refined face. He was, by the way, exceptionally handsome, above
the average in height, slim, well-built, with beautiful dark eyes and
dark brown hair. Soon he sank into deep thought, or more accurately
speaking into a complete blankness of mind; he walked along not
observing what was about him and not caring to observe it. From time to
time, he would mutter something, from the habit of talking to himself,
to which he had just confessed. At these moments he would become
conscious that his ideas were sometimes in a tangle and that he was very
weak; for two days he had scarcely tasted food.
He was so badly dressed that even a man accustomed
to shabbiness would have been ashamed to be seen in the street in such
rags. In that quarter of the town, however, scarcely any shortcoming in
dress would have created surprise. Owing to the proximity of the Hay
Market, the number of establishments of bad character, the preponderance
of the trading and working class population crowded in these streets and
alleys in the heart of Petersburg, types so various were to be seen in
the streets that no figure, however queer, would have caused surprise.
But there was such accumulated bitterness and contempt in the young
man's heart, that, in spite of all the fastidiousness of youth, he
minded his rags least of all in the street. It was a different matter
when he met with acquaintances or with former fellow students, whom,
indeed, he disliked meeting at any time. And yet when a drunken man who,
for some unknown reason, was being taken somewhere in a huge waggon
dragged by a heavy dray horse, suddenly shouted at him as he drove past:
"Hey there, German hatter" bawling at the top of his voice and
pointing at him—the young man stopped suddenly and clutched
tremulously at his hat. It was a tall round hat from Zimmerman's, but
completely worn out, rusty with age, all torn and bespattered, brimless
and bent on one side in a most unseemly fashion. Not shame, however, but
quite another feeling akin to terror had overtaken him.
"I knew it," he muttered in confusion,
"I thought so! That's the worst of all! Why, a stupid thing like
this, the most trivial detail might spoil the whole plan. Yes, my hat is
too noticeable.... It looks absurd and that makes it noticeable.... With
my rags I ought to wear a cap, any sort of old pancake, but not this
grotesque thing. Nobody wears such a hat, it would be noticed a mile
off, it would be remembered.... What matters is that people would
remember it, and that would give them a clue. For this business one
should be as little conspicuous as possible.... Trifles, trifles are
what matter! Why, it's just such trifles that always ruin
everything...."
He had not far to go; he knew indeed how many
steps it was from the gate of his lodging house: exactly seven hundred
and thirty. He had counted them once when he had been lost in dreams. At
the time he had put no faith in those dreams and was only tantalising
himself by their hideous but daring recklessness. Now, a month later, he
had begun to look upon them differently, and, in spite of the monologues
in which he jeered at his own impotence and indecision, he had
involuntarily come to regard this "hideous" dream as an
exploit to be attempted, although he still did not realise this himself.
He was positively going now for a "rehearsal" of his project,
and at every step his excitement grew more and more violent.
With a sinking heart and a nervous tremor, he went
up to a huge house which on one side looked on to the canal, and on the
other into the street. This house was let out in tiny tenements and was
inhabited by working people of all kinds—tailors, locksmiths, cooks,
Germans of sorts, girls picking up a living as best they could, petty
clerks, etc. There was a continual coming and going through the two
gates and in the two courtyards of the house. Three or four door-keepers
were employed on the building. The young man was very glad to meet none
of them, and at once slipped unnoticed through the door on the right,
and up the staircase. It was a back staircase, dark and narrow, but he
was familiar with it already, and knew his way, and he liked all these
surroundings: in such darkness even the most inquisitive eyes were not
to be dreaded.
"If I am so scared now, what would it be if
it somehow came to pass that I were really going to do it?" he
could not help asking himself as he reached the fourth storey. There his
progress was barred by some porters who were engaged in moving furniture
out of a flat. He knew that the flat had been occupied by a German clerk
in the civil service, and his family. This German was moving out then,
and so the fourth floor on this staircase would be untenanted except by
the old woman. "That's a good thing anyway," he thought to
himself, as he rang the bell of the old woman's flat. The bell gave a
faint tinkle as though it were made of tin and not of copper. The little
flats in such houses always have bells that ring like that. He had
forgotten the note of that bell, and now its peculiar tinkle seemed to
remind him of something and to bring it clearly before him.... He
started, his nerves were terribly overstrained by now. In a little
while, the door was opened a tiny crack: the old woman eyed her visitor
with evident distrust through the crack, and nothing could be seen but
her little eyes, glittering in the darkness. But, seeing a number of
people on the landing, she grew bolder, and opened the door wide. The
young man stepped into the dark entry, which was partitioned off from
the tiny kitchen. The old woman stood facing him in silence and looking
inquiringly at him. She was a diminutive, withered up old woman of
sixty, with sharp malignant eyes and a sharp little nose. Her colourless,
somewhat grizzled hair was thickly smeared with oil, and she wore no
kerchief over it. Round her thin long neck, which looked like a hen's
leg, was knotted some sort of flannel rag, and, in spite of the heat,
there hung flapping on her shoulders, a mangy fur cape, yellow with age.
The old woman coughed and groaned at every instant. The young man must
have looked at her with a rather peculiar expression, for a gleam of
mistrust came into her eyes again.
"Raskolnikov, a student, I came here a month
ago," the young man made haste to mutter, with a half bow,
remembering that he ought to be more polite.
"I remember, my good sir, I remember quite
well your coming here," the old woman said distinctly, still
keeping her inquiring eyes on his face.
"And here... I am again on the same
errand," Raskolnikov continued, a little disconcerted and surprised
at the old woman's mistrust. "Perhaps she is always like that
though, only I did not notice it the other time," he thought with
an uneasy feeling.
The old woman paused, as though hesitating; then
stepped on one side, and pointing to the door of the room, she said,
letting her visitor pass in front of her:
"Step in, my good sir."
The little room into which the young man walked,
with yellow paper on the walls, geraniums and muslin curtains in the
windows, was brightly lighted up at that moment by the setting sun.
"So the sun will shine like this then
too!" flashed as it were by chance through Raskolnikov's mind, and
with a rapid glance he scanned everything in the room, trying as far as
possible to notice and remember its arrangement. But there was nothing
special in the room. The furniture, all very old and of yellow wood,
consisted of a sofa with a huge bent wooden back, an oval table in front
of the sofa, a dressing-table with a looking-glass fixed on it between
the windows, chairs along the walls and two or three half-penny prints
in yellow frames, representing German damsels with birds in their
hands—that was all. In the corner a light was burning before a small
ikon. Everything was very clean; the floor and the furniture were
brightly polished; everything shone.
"Lizaveta's work," thought the young
man. There was not a speck of dust to be seen in the whole flat.
"It's in the houses of spiteful old widows
that one finds such cleanliness," Raskolnikov thought again, and he
stole a curious glance at the cotton curtain over the door leading into
another tiny room, in which stood the old woman's bed and chest of
drawers and into which he had never looked before. These two rooms made
up the whole flat.
"What do you want?" the old woman said
severely, coming into the room and, as before, standing in front of him
so as to look him straight in the face.
"I've brought something to pawn here,"
and he drew out of his pocket an old-fashioned flat silver watch, on the
back of which was engraved a globe; the chain was of steel.
"But the time is up for your last pledge. The
month was up the day before yesterday."
"I will bring you the interest for another
month; wait a little."
"But that's for me to do as I please, my good
sir, to wait or to sell your pledge at once."
"How much will you give me for the watch,
Alyona Ivanovna?"
"You come with such trifles, my good sir,
it's scarcely worth anything. I gave you two roubles last time for your
ring and one could buy it quite new at a jeweler's for a rouble and a
half."
"Give me four roubles for it, I shall redeem
it, it was my father's. I shall be getting some money soon."
"A rouble and a half, and interest in
advance, if you like!"
"A rouble and a half!" cried the young
man.
"Please yourself"—and the old woman
handed him back the watch. The young man took it, and was so angry that
he was on the point of going away; but checked himself at once,
remembering that there was nowhere else he could go, and that he had had
another object also in coming.
"Hand it over," he said roughly.
The old woman fumbled in her pocket for her keys,
and disappeared behind the curtain into the other room. The young man,
left standing alone in the middle of the room, listened inquisitively,
thinking. He could hear her unlocking the chest of drawers.
"It must be the top drawer," he
reflected. "So she carries the keys in a pocket on the right. All
in one bunch on a steel ring.... And there's one key there, three times
as big as all the others, with deep notches; that can't be the key of
the chest of drawers... then there must be some other chest or
strong-box... that's worth knowing. Strong-boxes always have keys like
that... but how degrading it all is."
The old woman came back.
"Here, sir: as we say ten copecks the rouble
a month, so I must take fifteen copecks from a rouble and a half for the
month in advance. But for the two roubles I lent you before, you owe me
now twenty copecks on the same reckoning in advance. That makes
thirty-five copecks altogether. So I must give you a rouble and fifteen
copecks for the watch. Here it is."
"What! only a rouble and fifteen copecks
now!"
"Just so."
The young man did not dispute it and took the
money. He looked at the old woman, and was in no hurry to get away, as
though there was still something he wanted to say or to do, but he did
not himself quite know what.
"I may be bringing you something else in a
day or two, Alyona Ivanovna—a valuable thing—silver—a
cigarette-box, as soon as I get it back from a friend..." he broke
off in confusion.
"Well, we will talk about it then, sir."
"Good-bye—are you always at home alone,
your sister is not here with you?" He asked her as casually as
possible as he went out into the passage.
"What business is she of yours, my good
sir?"
"Oh, nothing particular, I simply asked. You
are too quick.... Good-day, Alyona Ivanovna."
Raskolnikov went out in complete confusion. This
confusion became more and more intense. As he went down the stairs, he
even stopped short, two or three times, as though suddenly struck by
some thought. When he was in the street he cried out, "Oh, God, how
loathsome it all is! and can I, can I possibly.... No, it's nonsense,
it's rubbish!" he added resolutely. "And how could such an
atrocious thing come into my head? What filthy things my heart is
capable of. Yes, filthy above all, disgusting, loathsome,
loathsome!—and for a whole month I've been...." But no words, no
exclamations, could express his agitation. The feeling of intense
repulsion, which had begun to oppress and torture his heart while he was
on his way to the old woman, had by now reached such a pitch and had
taken such a definite form that he did not know what to do with himself
to escape from his wretchedness. He walked along the pavement like a
drunken man, regardless of the passers-by, and jostling against them,
and only came to his senses when he was in the next street. Looking
round, he noticed that he was standing close to a tavern which was
entered by steps leading from the pavement to the basement. At that
instant two drunken men came out at the door, and abusing and supporting
one another, they mounted the steps. Without stopping to think,
Raskolnikov went down the steps at once. Till that moment he had never
been into a tavern, but now he felt giddy and was tormented by a burning
thirst. He longed for a drink of cold beer, and attributed his sudden
weakness to the want of food. He sat down at a sticky little table in a
dark and dirty corner; ordered some beer, and eagerly drank off the
first glassful. At once he felt easier; and his thoughts became clear.
"All that's nonsense," he said
hopefully, "and there is nothing in it all to worry about! It's
simply physical derangement. Just a glass of beer, a piece of dry
bread—and in one moment the brain is stronger, the mind is clearer and
the will is firm! Phew, how utterly petty it all is!"
But in spite of this scornful reflection, he was
by now looking cheerful as though he were suddenly set free from a
terrible burden: and he gazed round in a friendly way at the people in
the room. But even at that moment he had a dim foreboding that this
happier frame of mind was also not normal.
There were few people at the time in the tavern.
Besides the two drunken men he had met on the steps, a group consisting
of about five men and a girl with a concertina had gone out at the same
time. Their departure left the room quiet and rather empty. The persons
still in the tavern were a man who appeared to be an artisan, drunk, but
not extremely so, sitting before a pot of beer, and his companion, a
huge, stout man with a grey beard, in a short full-skirted coat. He was
very drunk: and had dropped asleep on the bench; every now and then, he
began as though in his sleep, cracking his fingers, with his arms wide
apart and the upper part of his body bounding about on the bench, while
he hummed some meaningless refrain, trying to recall some such lines as
these:
"His wife a year he fondly loved His wife
a—a year he—fondly loved."
Or suddenly waking up again:
"Walking along the crowded row He met the one
he used to know."
But no one shared his enjoyment: his silent
companion looked with positive hostility and mistrust at all these
manifestations. There was another man in the room who looked somewhat
like a retired government clerk. He was sitting apart, now and then
sipping from his pot and looking round at the company. He, too, appeared
to be in some agitation.
CHAPTER II
Raskolnikov was not used to crowds, and, as we
said before, he avoided society of every sort, more especially of late.
But now all at once he felt a desire to be with other people. Something
new seemed to be taking place within him, and with it he felt a sort of
thirst for company. He was so weary after a whole month of concentrated
wretchedness and gloomy excitement that he longed to rest, if only for a
moment, in some other world, whatever it might be; and, in spite of the
filthiness of the surroundings, he was glad now to stay in the tavern.
The master of the establishment was in another
room, but he frequently came down some steps into the main room, his
jaunty, tarred boots with red turn-over tops coming into view each time
before the rest of his person. He wore a full coat and a horribly greasy
black satin waistcoat, with no cravat, and his whole face seemed smeared
with oil like an iron lock. At the counter stood a boy of about
fourteen, and there was another boy somewhat younger who handed whatever
was wanted. On the counter lay some sliced cucumber, some pieces of
dried black bread, and some fish, chopped up small, all smelling very
bad. It was insufferably close, and so heavy with the fumes of spirits
that five minutes in such an atmosphere might well make a man drunk.
There are chance meetings with strangers that
interest us from the first moment, before a word is spoken. Such was the
impression made on Raskolnikov by the person sitting a little distance
from him, who looked like a retired clerk. The young man often recalled
this impression afterwards, and even ascribed it to presentiment. He
looked repeatedly at the clerk, partly no doubt because the latter was
staring persistently at him, obviously anxious to enter into
conversation. At the other persons in the room, including the
tavern-keeper, the clerk looked as though he were used to their company,
and weary of it, showing a shade of condescending contempt for them as
persons of station and culture inferior to his own, with whom it would
be useless for him to converse. He was a man over fifty, bald and
grizzled, of medium height, and stoutly built. His face, bloated from
continual drinking, was of a yellow, even greenish, tinge, with swollen
eyelids out of which keen reddish eyes gleamed like little chinks. But
there was something very strange in him; there was a light in his eyes
as though of intense feeling—perhaps there were even thought and
intelligence, but at the same time there was a gleam of something like
madness. He was wearing an old and hopelessly ragged black dress coat,
with all its buttons missing except one, and that one he had buttoned,
evidently clinging to this last trace of respectability. A crumpled
shirt front, covered with spots and stains, protruded from his canvas
waistcoat. Like a clerk, he wore no beard, nor moustache, but had been
so long unshaven that his chin looked like a stiff greyish brush. And
there was something respectable and like an official about his manner
too. But he was restless; he ruffled up his hair and from time to time
let his head drop into his hands dejectedly resting his ragged elbows on
the stained and sticky table. At last he looked straight at Raskolnikov,
and said loudly and resolutely:
"May I venture, honoured sir, to engage you
in polite conversation? Forasmuch as, though your exterior would not
command respect, my experience admonishes me that you are a man of
education and not accustomed to drinking. I have always respected
education when in conjunction with genuine sentiments, and I am besides
a titular counsellor in rank. Marmeladov—such is my name; titular
counsellor. I make bold to inquire—have you been in the service?"
"No, I am studying," answered the young
man, somewhat surprised at the grandiloquent style of the speaker and
also at being so directly addressed. In spite of the momentary desire he
had just been feeling for company of any sort, on being actually spoken
to he felt immediately his habitual irritable and uneasy aversion for
any stranger who approached or attempted to approach him.
"A student then, or formerly a student,"
cried the clerk. "Just what I thought! I'm a man of experience,
immense experience, sir," and he tapped his forehead with his
fingers in self-approval. "You've been a student or have attended
some learned institution!... But allow me...." He got up,
staggered, took up his jug and glass, and sat down beside the young man,
facing him a little sideways. He was drunk, but spoke fluently and
boldly, only occasionally losing the thread of his sentences and
drawling his words. He pounced upon Raskolnikov as greedily as though he
too had not spoken to a soul for a month.
"Honoured sir," he began almost with
solemnity, "poverty is not a vice, that's a true saying. Yet I know
too that drunkenness is not a virtue, and that that's even truer. But
beggary, honoured sir, beggary is a vice. In poverty you may still
retain your innate nobility of soul, but in beggary—never—no one.
For beggary a man is not chased out of human society with a stick, he is
swept out with a broom, so as to make it as humiliating as possible; and
quite right, too, forasmuch as in beggary I am ready to be the first to
humiliate myself. Hence the pot-house! Honoured sir, a month ago Mr.
Lebeziatnikov gave my wife a beating, and my wife is a very different
matter from me! Do you understand? Allow me to ask you another question
out of simple curiosity: have you ever spent a night on a hay barge, on
the Neva?"
"No, I have not happened to," answered
Raskolnikov. "What do you mean?"
"Well, I've just come from one and it's the
fifth night I've slept so...." He filled his glass, emptied it and
paused. Bits of hay were in fact clinging to his clothes and sticking to
his hair. It seemed quite probable that he had not undressed or washed
for the last five days. His hands, particularly, were filthy. They were
fat and red, with black nails.
His conversation seemed to excite a general though
languid interest. The boys at the counter fell to sniggering. The
innkeeper came down from the upper room, apparently on purpose to listen
to the "funny fellow" and sat down at a little distance,
yawning lazily, but with dignity. Evidently Marmeladov was a familiar
figure here, and he had most likely acquired his weakness for high-flown
speeches from the habit of frequently entering into conversation with
strangers of all sorts in the tavern. This habit develops into a
necessity in some drunkards, and especially in those who are looked
after sharply and kept in order at home. Hence in the company of other
drinkers they try to justify themselves and even if possible obtain
consideration.
"Funny fellow!" pronounced the
innkeeper. "And why don't you work, why aren't you at your duty, if
you are in the service?"
"Why am I not at my duty, honoured sir,"
Marmeladov went on, addressing himself exclusively to Raskolnikov, as
though it had been he who put that question to him. "Why am I not
at my duty? Does not my heart ache to think what a useless worm I am? A
month ago when Mr. Lebeziatnikov beat my wife with his own hands, and I
lay drunk, didn't I suffer? Excuse me, young man, has it ever happened
to you... hm... well, to petition hopelessly for a loan?"
"Yes, it has. But what do you mean by
hopelessly?"
"Hopelessly in the fullest sense, when you
know beforehand that you will get nothing by it. You know, for instance,
beforehand with positive certainty that this man, this most reputable
and exemplary citizen, will on no consideration give you money; and
indeed I ask you why should he? For he knows of course that I shan't pay
it back. From compassion? But Mr. Lebeziatnikov who keeps up with modern
ideas explained the other day that compassion is forbidden nowadays by
science itself, and that that's what is done now in England, where there
is political economy. Why, I ask you, should he give it to me? And yet
though I know beforehand that he won't, I set off to him and..."
"Why do you go?" put in Raskolnikov.
"Well, when one has no one, nowhere else one
can go! For every man must have somewhere to go. Since there are times
when one absolutely must go somewhere! When my own daughter first went
out with a yellow ticket, then I had to go... (for my daughter has a
yellow passport)," he added in parenthesis, looking with a certain
uneasiness at the young man. "No matter, sir, no matter!" he
went on hurriedly and with apparent composure when both the boys at the
counter guffawed and even the innkeeper smiled—"No matter, I am
not confounded by the wagging of their heads; for everyone knows
everything about it already, and all that is secret is made open. And I
accept it all, not with contempt, but with humility. So be it! So be it!
'Behold the man!' Excuse me, young man, can you.... No, to put it more
strongly and more distinctly; not can you but dare you,
looking upon me, assert that I am not a pig?"
The young man did not answer a word.
"Well," the orator began again stolidly
and with even increased dignity, after waiting for the laughter in the
room to subside. "Well, so be it, I am a pig, but she is a lady! I
have the semblance of a beast, but Katerina Ivanovna, my spouse, is a
person of education and an officer's daughter. Granted, granted, I am a
scoundrel, but she is a woman of a noble heart, full of sentiments,
refined by education. And yet... oh, if only she felt for me! Honoured
sir, honoured sir, you know every man ought to have at least one place
where people feel for him! But Katerina Ivanovna, though she is
magnanimous, she is unjust.... And yet, although I realise that when she
pulls my hair she only does it out of pity—for I repeat without being
ashamed, she pulls my hair, young man," he declared with redoubled
dignity, hearing the sniggering again—"but, my God, if she would
but once.... But no, no! It's all in vain and it's no use talking! No
use talking! For more than once, my wish did come true and more than
once she has felt for me but... such is my fate and I am a beast by
nature!"
"Rather!" assented the innkeeper
yawning. Marmeladov struck his fist resolutely on the table.
"Such is my fate! Do you know, sir, do you
know, I have sold her very stockings for drink? Not her shoes—that
would be more or less in the order of things, but her stockings, her
stockings I have sold for drink! Her mohair shawl I sold for drink, a
present to her long ago, her own property, not mine; and we live in a
cold room and she caught cold this winter and has begun coughing and
spitting blood too. We have three little children and Katerina Ivanovna
is at work from morning till night; she is scrubbing and cleaning and
washing the children, for she's been used to cleanliness from a child.
But her chest is weak and she has a tendency to consumption and I feel
it! Do you suppose I don't feel it? And the more I drink the more I feel
it. That's why I drink too. I try to find sympathy and feeling in
drink.... I drink so that I may suffer twice as much!" And as
though in despair he laid his head down on the table.
"Young man," he went on, raising his
head again, "in your face I seem to read some trouble of mind. When
you came in I read it, and that was why I addressed you at once. For in
unfolding to you the story of my life, I do not wish to make myself a
laughing-stock before these idle listeners, who indeed know all about it
already, but I am looking for a man of feeling and education. Know then
that my wife was educated in a high-class school for the daughters of
noblemen, and on leaving she danced the shawl dance before the governor
and other personages for which she was presented with a gold medal and a
certificate of merit. The medal... well, the medal of course was
sold—long ago, hm... but the certificate of merit is in her trunk
still and not long ago she showed it to our landlady. And although she
is most continually on bad terms with the landlady, yet she wanted to
tell someone or other of her past honours and of the happy days that are
gone. I don't condemn her for it, I don't blame her, for the one thing
left her is recollection of the past, and all the rest is dust and
ashes. Yes, yes, she is a lady of spirit, proud and determined. She
scrubs the floors herself and has nothing but black bread to eat, but
won't allow herself to be treated with disrespect. That's why she would
not overlook Mr. Lebeziatnikov's rudeness to her, and so when he gave
her a beating for it, she took to her bed more from the hurt to her
feelings than from the blows. She was a widow when I married her, with
three children, one smaller than the other. She married her first
husband, an infantry officer, for love, and ran away with him from her
father's house. She was exceedingly fond of her husband; but he gave way
to cards, got into trouble and with that he died. He used to beat her at
the end: and although she paid him back, of which I have authentic
documentary evidence, to this day she speaks of him with tears and she
throws him up to me; and I am glad, I am glad that, though only in
imagination, she should think of herself as having once been happy....
And she was left at his death with three children in a wild and remote
district where I happened to be at the time; and she was left in such
hopeless poverty that, although I have seen many ups and downs of all
sort, I don't feel equal to describing it even. Her relations had all
thrown her off. And she was proud, too, excessively proud.... And then,
honoured sir, and then, I, being at the time a widower, with a daughter
of fourteen left me by my first wife, offered her my hand, for I could
not bear the sight of such suffering. You can judge the extremity of her
calamities, that she, a woman of education and culture and distinguished
family, should have consented to be my wife. But she did! Weeping and
sobbing and wringing her hands, she married me! For she had nowhere to
turn! Do you understand, sir, do you understand what it means when you
have absolutely nowhere to turn? No, that you don't understand yet....
And for a whole year, I performed my duties conscientiously and
faithfully, and did not touch this" (he tapped the jug with his
finger), "for I have feelings. But even so, I could not please her;
and then I lost my place too, and that through no fault of mine but
through changes in the office; and then I did touch it!... It will be a
year and a half ago soon since we found ourselves at last after many
wanderings and numerous calamities in this magnificent capital, adorned
with innumerable monuments. Here I obtained a situation.... I obtained
it and I lost it again. Do you understand? This time it was through my
own fault I lost it: for my weakness had come out.... We have now part
of a room at Amalia Fyodorovna Lippevechsel's; and what we live upon and
what we pay our rent with, I could not say. There are a lot of people
living there besides ourselves. Dirt and disorder, a perfect Bedlam...
hm... yes... And meanwhile my daughter by my first wife has grown up;
and what my daughter has had to put up with from her step-mother whilst
she was growing up, I won't speak of. For, though Katerina Ivanovna is
full of generous feelings, she is a spirited lady, irritable and
short—tempered.... Yes. But it's no use going over that! Sonia, as you
may well fancy, has had no education. I did make an effort four years
ago to give her a course of geography and universal history, but as I
was not very well up in those subjects myself and we had no suitable
books, and what books we had... hm, anyway we have not even those now,
so all our instruction came to an end. We stopped at Cyrus of Persia.
Since she has attained years of maturity, she has read other books of
romantic tendency and of late she had read with great interest a book
she got through Mr. Lebeziatnikov, Lewes' Physiology—do you know
it?—and even recounted extracts from it to us: and that's the whole of
her education. And now may I venture to address you, honoured sir, on my
own account with a private question. Do you suppose that a respectable
poor girl can earn much by honest work? Not fifteen farthings a day can
she earn, if she is respectable and has no special talent and that
without putting her work down for an instant! And what's more, Ivan
Ivanitch Klopstock the civil counsellor—have you heard of him?—has
not to this day paid her for the half-dozen linen shirts she made him
and drove her roughly away, stamping and reviling her, on the pretext
that the shirt collars were not made like the pattern and were put in
askew. And there are the little ones hungry.... And Katerina Ivanovna
walking up and down and wringing her hands, her cheeks flushed red, as
they always are in that disease: 'Here you live with us,' says she, 'you
eat and drink and are kept warm and you do nothing to help.' And much
she gets to eat and drink when there is not a crust for the little ones
for three days! I was lying at the time... well, what of it! I was lying
drunk and I heard my Sonia speaking (she is a gentle creature with a
soft little voice... fair hair and such a pale, thin little face). She
said: 'Katerina Ivanovna, am I really to do a thing like that?' And
Darya Frantsovna, a woman of evil character and very well known to the
police, had two or three times tried to get at her through the landlady.
'And why not?' said Katerina Ivanovna with a jeer, 'you are something
mighty precious to be so careful of!' But don't blame her, don't blame
her, honoured sir, don't blame her! She was not herself when she spoke,
but driven to distraction by her illness and the crying of the hungry
children; and it was said more to wound her than anything else.... For
that's Katerina Ivanovna's character, and when children cry, even from
hunger, she falls to beating them at once. At six o'clock I saw Sonia
get up, put on her kerchief and her cape, and go out of the room and
about nine o'clock she came back. She walked straight up to Katerina
Ivanovna and she laid thirty roubles on the table before her in silence.
She did not utter a word, she did not even look at her, she simply
picked up our big green drap de dames shawl (we have a shawl,
made of drap de dames), put it over her head and face and lay
down on the bed with her face to the wall; only her little shoulders and
her body kept shuddering.... And I went on lying there, just as
before.... And then I saw, young man, I saw Katerina Ivanovna, in the
same silence go up to Sonia's little bed; she was on her knees all the
evening kissing Sonia's feet, and would not get up, and then they both
fell asleep in each other's arms... together, together... yes... and
I... lay drunk."
Marmeladov stopped short, as though his voice had
failed him. Then he hurriedly filled his glass, drank, and cleared his
throat.
"Since then, sir," he went on after a
brief pause—"Since then, owing to an unfortunate occurrence and
through information given by evil-intentioned persons—in all which
Darya Frantsovna took a leading part on the pretext that she had been
treated with want of respect—since then my daughter Sofya Semyonovna
has been forced to take a yellow ticket, and owing to that she is unable
to go on living with us. For our landlady, Amalia Fyodorovna would not
hear of it (though she had backed up Darya Frantsovna before) and Mr.
Lebeziatnikov too... hm.... All the trouble between him and Katerina
Ivanovna was on Sonia's account. At first he was for making up to Sonia
himself and then all of a sudden he stood on his dignity: 'how,' said
he, 'can a highly educated man like me live in the same rooms with a
girl like that?' And Katerina Ivanovna would not let it pass, she stood
up for her... and so that's how it happened. And Sonia comes to us now,
mostly after dark; she comforts Katerina Ivanovna and gives her all she
can.... She has a room at the Kapernaumovs' the tailors, she lodges with
them; Kapernaumov is a lame man with a cleft palate and all of his
numerous family have cleft palates too. And his wife, too, has a cleft
palate. They all live in one room, but Sonia has her own, partitioned
off.... Hm... yes... very poor people and all with cleft palates... yes.
Then I got up in the morning, and put on my rags, lifted up my hands to
heaven and set off to his excellency Ivan Afanasyvitch. His excellency
Ivan Afanasyvitch, do you know him? No? Well, then, it's a man of God
you don't know. He is wax... wax before the face of the Lord; even as
wax melteth!... His eyes were dim when he heard my story. 'Marmeladov,
once already you have deceived my expectations... I'll take you once
more on my own responsibility'—that's what he said, 'remember,' he
said, 'and now you can go.' I kissed the dust at his feet—in thought
only, for in reality he would not have allowed me to do it, being a
statesman and a man of modern political and enlightened ideas. I
returned home, and when I announced that I'd been taken back into the
service and should receive a salary, heavens, what a to-do there
was!..."
Marmeladov stopped again in violent excitement. At
that moment a whole party of revellers already drunk came in from the
street, and the sounds of a hired concertina and the cracked piping
voice of a child of seven singing "The Hamlet" were heard in
the entry. The room was filled with noise. The tavern-keeper and the
boys were busy with the new-comers. Marmeladov paying no attention to
the new arrivals continued his story. He appeared by now to be extremely
weak, but as he became more and more drunk, he became more and more
talkative. The recollection of his recent success in getting the
situation seemed to revive him, and was positively reflected in a sort
of radiance on his face. Raskolnikov listened attentively.
"That was five weeks ago, sir. Yes.... As
soon as Katerina Ivanovna and Sonia heard of it, mercy on us, it was as
though I stepped into the kingdom of Heaven. It used to be: you can lie
like a beast, nothing but abuse. Now they were walking on tiptoe,
hushing the children. 'Semyon Zaharovitch is tired with his work at the
office, he is resting, shh!' They made me coffee before I went to work
and boiled cream for me! They began to get real cream for me, do you
hear that? And how they managed to get together the money for a decent
outfit—eleven roubles, fifty copecks, I can't guess. Boots, cotton
shirt-fronts—most magnificent, a uniform, they got up all in splendid
style, for eleven roubles and a half. The first morning I came back from
the office I found Katerina Ivanovna had cooked two courses for
dinner—soup and salt meat with horse radish—which we had never
dreamed of till then. She had not any dresses... none at all, but she
got herself up as though she were going on a visit; and not that she'd
anything to do it with, she smartened herself up with nothing at all,
she'd done her hair nicely, put on a clean collar of some sort, cuffs,
and there she was, quite a different person, she was younger and better
looking. Sonia, my little darling, had only helped with money 'for the
time,' she said, 'it won't do for me to come and see you too often.
After dark maybe when no one can see.' Do you hear, do you hear? I lay
down for a nap after dinner and what do you think: though Katerina
Ivanovna had quarrelled to the last degree with our landlady Amalia
Fyodorovna only a week before, she could not resist then asking her in
to coffee. For two hours they were sitting, whispering together. 'Semyon
Zaharovitch is in the service again, now, and receiving a salary,' says
she, 'and he went himself to his excellency and his excellency himself
came out to him, made all the others wait and led Semyon Zaharovitch by
the hand before everybody into his study.' Do you hear, do you hear? 'To
be sure,' says he, 'Semyon Zaharovitch, remembering your past services,'
says he, 'and in spite of your propensity to that foolish weakness,
since you promise now and since moreover we've got on badly without
you,' (do you hear, do you hear;) 'and so,' says he, 'I rely now on your
word as a gentleman.' And all that, let me tell you, she has simply made
up for herself, and not simply out of wantonness, for the sake of
bragging; no, she believes it all herself, she amuses herself with her
own fancies, upon my word she does! And I don't blame her for it, no, I
don't blame her!... Six days ago when I brought her my first earnings in
full—twenty-three roubles forty copecks altogether—she called me her
poppet: 'poppet,' said she, 'my little poppet.' And when we were by
ourselves, you understand? You would not think me a beauty, you would
not think much of me as a husband, would you?... Well, she pinched my
cheek, 'my little poppet,' said she."
Marmeladov broke off, tried to smile, but suddenly
his chin began to twitch. He controlled himself however. The tavern, the
degraded appearance of the man, the five nights in the hay barge, and
the pot of spirits, and yet this poignant love for his wife and children
bewildered his listener. Raskolnikov listened intently but with a sick
sensation. He felt vexed that he had come here.
"Honoured sir, honoured sir," cried
Marmeladov recovering himself—"Oh, sir, perhaps all this seems a
laughing matter to you, as it does to others, and perhaps I am only
worrying you with the stupidity of all the trivial details of my home
life, but it is not a laughing matter to me. For I can feel it all....
And the whole of that heavenly day of my life and the whole of that
evening I passed in fleeting dreams of how I would arrange it all, and
how I would dress all the children, and how I should give her rest, and
how I should rescue my own daughter from dishonour and restore her to
the bosom of her family.... And a great deal more.... Quite excusable,
sir. Well, then, sir" (Marmeladov suddenly gave a sort of start,
raised his head and gazed intently at his listener) "well, on the
very next day after all those dreams, that is to say, exactly five days
ago, in the evening, by a cunning trick, like a thief in the night, I
stole from Katerina Ivanovna the key of her box, took out what was left
of my earnings, how much it was I have forgotten, and now look at me,
all of you! It's the fifth day since I left home, and they are looking
for me there and it's the end of my employment, and my uniform is lying
in a tavern on the Egyptian bridge. I exchanged it for the garments I
have on... and it's the end of everything!"
Marmeladov struck his forehead with his fist,
clenched his teeth, closed his eyes and leaned heavily with his elbow on
the table. But a minute later his face suddenly changed and with a
certain assumed slyness and affectation of bravado, he glanced at
Raskolnikov, laughed and said:
"This morning I went to see Sonia, I went to
ask her for a pick-me-up! He-he-he!"
"You don't say she gave it to you?"
cried one of the new-comers; he shouted the words and went off into a
guffaw.
"This very quart was bought with her
money," Marmeladov declared, addressing himself exclusively to
Raskolnikov. "Thirty copecks she gave me with her own hands, her
last, all she had, as I saw.... She said nothing, she only looked at me
without a word.... Not on earth, but up yonder... they grieve over men,
they weep, but they don't blame them, they don't blame them! But it
hurts more, it hurts more when they don't blame! Thirty copecks yes! And
maybe she needs them now, eh? What do you think, my dear sir? For now
she's got to keep up her appearance. It costs money, that smartness,
that special smartness, you know? Do you understand? And there's
pomatum, too, you see, she must have things; petticoats, starched ones,
shoes, too, real jaunty ones to show off her foot when she has to step
over a puddle. Do you understand, sir, do you understand what all that
smartness means? And here I, her own father, here I took thirty copecks
of that money for a drink! And I am drinking it! And I have already
drunk it! Come, who will have pity on a man like me, eh? Are you sorry
for me, sir, or not? Tell me, sir, are you sorry or not? He-he-he!"
He would have filled his glass, but there was no
drink left. The pot was empty.
"What are you to be pitied for?" shouted
the tavern-keeper who was again near them.
Shouts of laughter and even oaths followed. The
laughter and the oaths came from those who were listening and also from
those who had heard nothing but were simply looking at the figure of the
discharged government clerk.
"To be pitied! Why am I to be pitied?"
Marmeladov suddenly declaimed, standing up with his arm outstretched, as
though he had been only waiting for that question.
"Why am I to be pitied, you say? Yes! there's
nothing to pity me for! I ought to be crucified, crucified on a cross,
not pitied! Crucify me, oh judge, crucify me but pity me! And then I
will go of myself to be crucified, for it's not merry-making I seek but
tears and tribulation!... Do you suppose, you that sell, that this pint
of yours has been sweet to me? It was tribulation I sought at the bottom
of it, tears and tribulation, and have found it, and I have tasted it;
but He will pity us Who has had pity on all men, Who has understood all
men and all things, He is the One, He too is the judge. He will come in
that day and He will ask: 'Where is the daughter who gave herself for
her cross, consumptive step-mother and for the little children of
another? Where is the daughter who had pity upon the filthy drunkard,
her earthly father, undismayed by his beastliness?' And He will say,
'Come to me! I have already forgiven thee once.... I have forgiven thee
once.... Thy sins which are many are forgiven thee for thou hast loved
much....' And he will forgive my Sonia, He will forgive, I know it... I
felt it in my heart when I was with her just now! And He will judge and
will forgive all, the good and the evil, the wise and the meek.... And
when He has done with all of them, then He will summon us. 'You too come
forth,' He will say, 'Come forth ye drunkards, come forth, ye weak ones,
come forth, ye children of shame!' And we shall all come forth, without
shame and shall stand before him. And He will say unto us, 'Ye are
swine, made in the Image of the Beast and with his mark; but come ye
also!' And the wise ones and those of understanding will say, 'Oh Lord,
why dost Thou receive these men?' And He will say, 'This is why I
receive them, oh ye wise, this is why I receive them, oh ye of
understanding, that not one of them believed himself to be worthy of
this.' And He will hold out His hands to us and we shall fall down
before him... and we shall weep... and we shall understand all things!
Then we shall understand all!... and all will understand, Katerina
Ivanovna even... she will understand.... Lord, Thy kingdom come!"
And he sank down on the bench exhausted, and helpless, looking at no
one, apparently oblivious of his surroundings and plunged in deep
thought. His words had created a certain impression; there was a moment
of silence; but soon laughter and oaths were heard again.
"That's his notion!"
"Talked himself silly!"
"A fine clerk he is!"
And so on, and so on.
"Let us go, sir," said Marmeladov all at
once, raising his head and addressing Raskolnikov—"come along
with me... Kozel's house, looking into the yard. I'm going to Katerina
Ivanovna—time I did."
Raskolnikov had for some time been wanting to go
and he had meant to help him. Marmeladov was much unsteadier on his legs
than in his speech and leaned heavily on the young man. They had two or
three hundred paces to go. The drunken man was more and more overcome by
dismay and confusion as they drew nearer the house.
"It's not Katerina Ivanovna I am afraid of
now," he muttered in agitation—"and that she will begin
pulling my hair. What does my hair matter! Bother my hair! That's what I
say! Indeed it will be better if she does begin pulling it, that's not
what I am afraid of... it's her eyes I am afraid of... yes, her eyes...
the red on her cheeks, too, frightens me... and her breathing too....
Have you noticed how people in that disease breathe... when they are
excited? I am frightened of the children's crying, too.... For if Sonia
has not taken them food... I don't know what's happened! I don't know!
But blows I am not afraid of.... Know, sir, that such blows are not a
pain to me, but even an enjoyment. In fact I can't get on without it....
It's better so. Let her strike me, it relieves her heart... it's better
so... There is the house. The house of Kozel, the cabinet-maker... a
German, well-to-do. Lead the way!"
They went in from the yard and up to the fourth
storey. The staircase got darker and darker as they went up. It was
nearly eleven o'clock and although in summer in Petersburg there is no
real night, yet it was quite dark at the top of the stairs.
A grimy little door at the very top of the stairs
stood ajar. A very poor-looking room about ten paces long was lighted up
by a candle-end; the whole of it was visible from the entrance. It was
all in disorder, littered up with rags of all sorts, especially
children's garments. Across the furthest corner was stretched a ragged
sheet. Behind it probably was the bed. There was nothing in the room
except two chairs and a sofa covered with American leather, full of
holes, before which stood an old deal kitchen-table, unpainted and
uncovered. At the edge of the table stood a smoldering tallow-candle in
an iron candlestick. It appeared that the family had a room to
themselves, not part of a room, but their room was practically a
passage. The door leading to the other rooms, or rather cupboards, into
which Amalia Lippevechsel's flat was divided stood half open, and there
was shouting, uproar and laughter within. People seemed to be playing
cards and drinking tea there. Words of the most unceremonious kind flew
out from time to time.
Raskolnikov recognised Katerina Ivanovna at once.
She was a rather tall, slim and graceful woman, terribly emaciated, with
magnificent dark brown hair and with a hectic flush in her cheeks. She
was pacing up and down in her little room, pressing her hands against
her chest; her lips were parched and her breathing came in nervous
broken gasps. Her eyes glittered as in fever and looked about with a
harsh immovable stare. And that consumptive and excited face with the
last flickering light of the candle-end playing upon it made a sickening
impression. She seemed to Raskolnikov about thirty years old and was
certainly a strange wife for Marmeladov.... She had not heard them and
did not notice them coming in. She seemed to be lost in thought, hearing
and seeing nothing. The room was close, but she had not opened the
window; a stench rose from the staircase, but the door on to the stairs
was not closed. From the inner rooms clouds of tobacco smoke floated in,
she kept coughing, but did not close the door. The youngest child, a
girl of six, was asleep, sitting curled up on the floor with her head on
the sofa. A boy a year older stood crying and shaking in the corner,
probably he had just had a beating. Beside him stood a girl of nine
years old, tall and thin, wearing a thin and ragged chemise with an
ancient cashmere pelisse flung over her bare shoulders, long outgrown
and barely reaching her knees. Her arm, as thin as a stick, was round
her brother's neck. She was trying to comfort him, whispering something
to him, and doing all she could to keep him from whimpering again. At
the same time her large dark eyes, which looked larger still from the
thinness of her frightened face, were watching her mother with alarm.
Marmeladov did not enter the door, but dropped on his knees in the very
doorway, pushing Raskolnikov in front of him. The woman seeing a
stranger stopped indifferently facing him, coming to herself for a
moment and apparently wondering what he had come for. But evidently she
decided that he was going into the next room, as he had to pass through
hers to get there. Taking no further notice of him, she walked towards
the outer door to close it and uttered a sudden scream on seeing her
husband on his knees in the doorway.
"Ah!" she cried out in a frenzy,
"he has come back! The criminal! the monster!... And where is the
money? What's in your pocket, show me! And your clothes are all
different! Where are your clothes? Where is the money! Speak!"
And she fell to searching him. Marmeladov
submissively and obediently held up both arms to facilitate the search.
Not a farthing was there.
"Where is the money?" she
cried—"Mercy on us, can he have drunk it all? There were twelve
silver roubles left in the chest!" and in a fury she seized him by
the hair and dragged him into the room. Marmeladov seconded her efforts
by meekly crawling along on his knees.
"And this is a consolation to me! This does
not hurt me, but is a positive con-so-la-tion, ho-nou-red sir," he
called out, shaken to and fro by his hair and even once striking the
ground with his forehead. The child asleep on the floor woke up, and
began to cry. The boy in the corner losing all control began trembling
and screaming and rushed to his sister in violent terror, almost in a
fit. The eldest girl was shaking like a leaf.
"He's drunk it! he's drunk it all," the
poor woman screamed in despair—"and his clothes are gone! And
they are hungry, hungry!"—and wringing her hands she pointed to
the children. "Oh, accursed life! And you, are you not
ashamed?"—she pounced all at once upon Raskolnikov—"from
the tavern! Have you been drinking with him? You have been drinking with
him, too! Go away!"
The young man was hastening away without uttering
a word. The inner door was thrown wide open and inquisitive faces were
peering in at it. Coarse laughing faces with pipes and cigarettes and
heads wearing caps thrust themselves in at the doorway. Further in could
be seen figures in dressing gowns flung open, in costumes of unseemly
scantiness, some of them with cards in their hands. They were
particularly diverted, when Marmeladov, dragged about by his hair,
shouted that it was a consolation to him. They even began to come into
the room; at last a sinister shrill outcry was heard: this came from
Amalia Lippevechsel herself pushing her way amongst them and trying to
restore order after her own fashion and for the hundredth time to
frighten the poor woman by ordering her with coarse abuse to clear out
of the room next day. As he went out, Raskolnikov had time to put his
hand into his pocket, to snatch up the coppers he had received in
exchange for his rouble in the tavern and to lay them unnoticed on the
window. Afterwards on the stairs, he changed his mind and would have
gone back.
"What a stupid thing I've done," he
thought to himself, "they have Sonia and I want it myself."
But reflecting that it would be impossible to take it back now and that
in any case he would not have taken it, he dismissed it with a wave of
his hand and went back to his lodging. "Sonia wants pomatum
too," he said as he walked along the street, and he laughed
malignantly—"such smartness costs money.... Hm! And maybe Sonia
herself will be bankrupt to-day, for there is always a risk, hunting big
game... digging for gold... then they would all be without a crust
to-morrow except for my money. Hurrah for Sonia! What a mine they've dug
there! And they're making the most of it! Yes, they are making the most
of it! They've wept over it and grown used to it. Man grows used to
everything, the scoundrel!"
He sank into thought.
"And what if I am wrong," he cried
suddenly after a moment's thought. "What if man is not really a
scoundrel, man in general, I mean, the whole race of mankind—then all
the rest is prejudice, simply artificial terrors and there are no
barriers and it's all as it should be."
CHAPTER III
He waked up late next day after a broken sleep.
But his sleep had not refreshed him; he waked up bilious, irritable,
ill-tempered, and looked with hatred at his room. It was a tiny cupboard
of a room about six paces in length. It had a poverty-stricken
appearance with its dusty yellow paper peeling off the walls, and it was
so low-pitched that a man of more than average height was ill at ease in
it and felt every moment that he would knock his head against the
ceiling. The furniture was in keeping with the room: there were three
old chairs, rather rickety; a painted table in the corner on which lay a
few manuscripts and books; the dust that lay thick upon them showed that
they had been long untouched. A big clumsy sofa occupied almost the
whole of one wall and half the floor space of the room; it was once
covered with chintz, but was now in rags and served Raskolnikov as a
bed. Often he went to sleep on it, as he was, without undressing,
without sheets, wrapped in his old student's overcoat, with his head on
one little pillow, under which he heaped up all the linen he had, clean
and dirty, by way of a bolster. A little table stood in front of the
sofa.
It would have been difficult to sink to a lower
ebb of disorder, but to Raskolnikov in his present state of mind this
was positively agreeable. He had got completely away from everyone, like
a tortoise in its shell, and even the sight of a servant girl who had to
wait upon him and looked sometimes into his room made him writhe with
nervous irritation. He was in the condition that overtakes some
monomaniacs entirely concentrated upon one thing. His landlady had for
the last fortnight given up sending him in meals, and he had not yet
thought of expostulating with her, though he went without his dinner.
Nastasya, the cook and only servant, was rather pleased at the lodger's
mood and had entirely given up sweeping and doing his room, only once a
week or so she would stray into his room with a broom. She waked him up
that day.
"Get up, why are you asleep?" she called
to him. "It's past nine, I have brought you some tea; will you have
a cup? I should think you're fairly starving?"
Raskolnikov opened his eyes, started and
recognised Nastasya.
"From the landlady, eh?" he asked,
slowly and with a sickly face sitting up on the sofa.
"From the landlady, indeed!"
She set before him her own cracked teapot full of
weak and stale tea and laid two yellow lumps of sugar by the side of it.
"Here, Nastasya, take it please," he
said, fumbling in his pocket (for he had slept in his clothes) and
taking out a handful of coppers—"run and buy me a loaf. And get
me a little sausage, the cheapest, at the pork-butcher's."
"The loaf I'll fetch you this very minute,
but wouldn't you rather have some cabbage soup instead of sausage? It's
capital soup, yesterday's. I saved it for you yesterday, but you came in
late. It's fine soup."
When the soup had been brought, and he had begun
upon it, Nastasya sat down beside him on the sofa and began chatting.
She was a country peasant-woman and a very talkative one.
"Praskovya Pavlovna means to complain to the
police about you," she said.
He scowled.
"To the police? What does she want?"
"You don't pay her money and you won't turn
out of the room. That's what she wants, to be sure."
"The devil, that's the last straw," he
muttered, grinding his teeth, "no, that would not suit me... just
now. She is a fool," he added aloud. "I'll go and talk to her
to-day."
"Fool she is and no mistake, just as I am.
But why, if you are so clever, do you lie here like a sack and have
nothing to show for it? One time you used to go out, you say, to teach
children. But why is it you do nothing now?"
"I am doing..." Raskolnikov began
sullenly and reluctantly.
"What are you doing?"
"Work..."
"What sort of work?"
"I am thinking," he answered seriously
after a pause.
Nastasya was overcome with a fit of laughter. She
was given to laughter and when anything amused her, she laughed
inaudibly, quivering and shaking all over till she felt ill.
"And have you made much money by your
thinking?" she managed to articulate at last.
"One can't go out to give lessons without
boots. And I'm sick of it."
"Don't quarrel with your bread and
butter."
"They pay so little for lessons. What's the
use of a few coppers?" he answered, reluctantly, as though replying
to his own thought.
"And you want to get a fortune all at
once?"
He looked at her strangely.
"Yes, I want a fortune," he answered
firmly, after a brief pause.
"Don't be in such a hurry, you quite frighten
me! Shall I get you the loaf or not?"
"As you please."
"Ah, I forgot! A letter came for you
yesterday when you were out."
"A letter? for me! from whom?"
"I can't say. I gave three copecks of my own
to the postman for it. Will you pay me back?"
"Then bring it to me, for God's sake, bring
it," cried Raskolnikov greatly excited—"good God!"
A minute later the letter was brought him. That
was it: from his mother, from the province of R——. He turned pale
when he took it. It was a long while since he had received a letter, but
another feeling also suddenly stabbed his heart.
"Nastasya, leave me alone, for goodness'
sake; here are your three copecks, but for goodness' sake, make haste
and go!"
The letter was quivering in his hand; he did not
want to open it in her presence; he wanted to be left alone with
this letter. When Nastasya had gone out, he lifted it quickly to his
lips and kissed it; then he gazed intently at the address, the small,
sloping handwriting, so dear and familiar, of the mother who had once
taught him to read and write. He delayed; he seemed almost afraid of
something. At last he opened it; it was a thick heavy letter, weighing
over two ounces, two large sheets of note paper were covered with very
small handwriting.
"My dear Rodya," wrote his
mother—"it's two months since I last had a talk with you by
letter which has distressed me and even kept me awake at night,
thinking. But I am sure you will not blame me for my inevitable silence.
You know how I love you; you are all we have to look to, Dounia and I,
you are our all, our one hope, our one stay. What a grief it was to me
when I heard that you had given up the university some months ago, for
want of means to keep yourself and that you had lost your lessons and
your other work! How could I help you out of my hundred and twenty
roubles a year pension? The fifteen roubles I sent you four months ago I
borrowed, as you know, on security of my pension, from Vassily
Ivanovitch Vahrushin a merchant of this town. He is a kind-hearted man
and was a friend of your father's too. But having given him the right to
receive the pension, I had to wait till the debt was paid off and that
is only just done, so that I've been unable to send you anything all
this time. But now, thank God, I believe I shall be able to send you
something more and in fact we may congratulate ourselves on our good
fortune now, of which I hasten to inform you. In the first place, would
you have guessed, dear Rodya, that your sister has been living with me
for the last six weeks and we shall not be separated in the future.
Thank God, her sufferings are over, but I will tell you everything in
order, so that you may know just how everything has happened and all
that we have hitherto concealed from you. When you wrote to me two
months ago that you had heard that Dounia had a great deal to put up
with in the Svidrigraïlovs' house, when you wrote that and asked me to
tell you all about it—what could I write in answer to you? If I had
written the whole truth to you, I dare say you would have thrown up
everything and have come to us, even if you had to walk all the way, for
I know your character and your feelings, and you would not let your
sister be insulted. I was in despair myself, but what could I do? And,
besides, I did not know the whole truth myself then. What made it all so
difficult was that Dounia received a hundred roubles in advance when she
took the place as governess in their family, on condition of part of her
salary being deducted every month, and so it was impossible to throw up
the situation without repaying the debt. This sum (now I can explain it
all to you, my precious Rodya) she took chiefly in order to send you
sixty roubles, which you needed so terribly then and which you received
from us last year. We deceived you then, writing that this money came
from Dounia's savings, but that was not so, and now I tell you all about
it, because, thank God, things have suddenly changed for the better, and
that you may know how Dounia loves you and what a heart she has. At
first indeed Mr. Svidrigaïlov treated her very rudely and used to make
disrespectful and jeering remarks at table.... But I don't want to go
into all those painful details, so as not to worry you for nothing when
it is now all over. In short, in spite of the kind and generous
behaviour of Marfa Petrovna, Mr. Svidrigaïlov's wife, and all the rest
of the household, Dounia had a very hard time, especially when Mr.
Svidrigaïlov, relapsing into his old regimental habits, was under the
influence of Bacchus. And how do you think it was all explained later
on? Would you believe that the crazy fellow had conceived a passion for
Dounia from the beginning, but had concealed it under a show of rudeness
and contempt. Possibly he was ashamed and horrified himself at his own
flighty hopes, considering his years and his being the father of a
family; and that made him angry with Dounia. And possibly, too, he hoped
by his rude and sneering behaviour to hide the truth from others. But at
last he lost all control and had the face to make Dounia an open and
shameful proposal, promising her all sorts of inducements and offering,
besides, to throw up everything and take her to another estate of his,
or even abroad. You can imagine all she went through! To leave her
situation at once was impossible not only on account of the money debt,
but also to spare the feelings of Marfa Petrovna, whose suspicions would
have been aroused: and then Dounia would have been the cause of a
rupture in the family. And it would have meant a terrible scandal for
Dounia too; that would have been inevitable. There were various other
reasons owing to which Dounia could not hope to escape from that awful
house for another six weeks. You know Dounia, of course; you know how
clever she is and what a strong will she has. Dounia can endure a great
deal and even in the most difficult cases she has the fortitude to
maintain her firmness. She did not even write to me about everything for
fear of upsetting me, although we were constantly in communication. It
all ended very unexpectedly. Marfa Petrovna accidentally overheard her
husband imploring Dounia in the garden, and, putting quite a wrong
interpretation on the position, threw the blame upon her, believing her
to be the cause of it all. An awful scene took place between them on the
spot in the garden; Marfa Petrovna went so far as to strike Dounia,
refused to hear anything and was shouting at her for a whole hour and
then gave orders that Dounia should be packed off at once to me in a
plain peasant's cart, into which they flung all her things, her linen
and her clothes, all pell-mell, without folding it up and packing it.
And a heavy shower of rain came on, too, and Dounia, insulted and put to
shame, had to drive with a peasant in an open cart all the seventeen
versts into town. Only think now what answer could I have sent to the
letter I received from you two months ago and what could I have written?
I was in despair; I dared not write to you the truth because you would
have been very unhappy, mortified and indignant, and yet what could you
do? You could only perhaps ruin yourself, and, besides, Dounia would not
allow it; and fill up my letter with trifles when my heart was so full
of sorrow, I could not. For a whole month the town was full of gossip
about this scandal, and it came to such a pass that Dounia and I dared
not even go to church on account of the contemptuous looks, whispers,
and even remarks made aloud about us. All our acquaintances avoided us,
nobody even bowed to us in the street, and I learnt that some shopmen
and clerks were intending to insult us in a shameful way, smearing the
gates of our house with pitch, so that the landlord began to tell us we
must leave. All this was set going by Marfa Petrovna who managed to
slander Dounia and throw dirt at her in every family. She knows everyone
in the neighbourhood, and that month she was continually coming into the
town, and as she is rather talkative and fond of gossiping about her
family affairs and particularly of complaining to all and each of her
husband—which is not at all right—so in a short time she had spread
her story not only in the town, but over the whole surrounding district.
It made me ill, but Dounia bore it better than I did, and if only you
could have seen how she endured it all and tried to comfort me and cheer
me up! She is an angel! But by God's mercy, our sufferings were cut
short: Mr. Svidrigaïlov returned to his senses and repented and,
probably feeling sorry for Dounia, he laid before Marfa Petrovna a
complete and unmistakable proof of Dounia's innocence, in the form of a
letter Dounia had been forced to write and give to him, before Marfa
Petrovna came upon them in the garden. This letter, which remained in
Mr. Svidrigaïlov's hands after her departure, she had written to refuse
personal explanations and secret interviews, for which he was entreating
her. In that letter she reproached him with great heat and indignation
for the baseness of his behaviour in regard to Marfa Petrovna, reminding
him that he was the father and head of a family and telling him how
infamous it was of him to torment and make unhappy a defenceless girl,
unhappy enough already. Indeed, dear Rodya, the letter was so nobly and
touchingly written that I sobbed when I read it and to this day I cannot
read it without tears. Moreover, the evidence of the servants, too,
cleared Dounia's reputation; they had seen and known a great deal more
than Mr. Svidrigaïlov had himself supposed—as indeed is always the
case with servants. Marfa Petrovna was completely taken aback, and
'again crushed' as she said herself to us, but she was completely
convinced of Dounia's innocence. The very next day, being Sunday, she
went straight to the Cathedral, knelt down and prayed with tears to Our
Lady to give her strength to bear this new trial and to do her duty.
Then she came straight from the Cathedral to us, told us the whole
story, wept bitterly and, fully penitent, she embraced Dounia and
besought her to forgive her. The same morning without any delay, she
went round to all the houses in the town and everywhere, shedding tears,
she asserted in the most flattering terms Dounia's innocence and the
nobility of her feelings and her behavior. What was more, she showed and
read to everyone the letter in Dounia's own handwriting to Mr. Svidrigaïlov
and even allowed them to take copies of it—which I must say I think
was superfluous. In this way she was busy for several days in driving
about the whole town, because some people had taken offence through
precedence having been given to others. And therefore they had to take
turns, so that in every house she was expected before she arrived, and
everyone knew that on such and such a day Marfa Petrovna would be
reading the letter in such and such a place and people assembled for
every reading of it, even many who had heard it several times already
both in their own houses and in other people's. In my opinion a great
deal, a very great deal of all this was unnecessary; but that's Marfa
Petrovna's character. Anyway she succeeded in completely re-establishing
Dounia's reputation and the whole ignominy of this affair rested as an
indelible disgrace upon her husband, as the only person to blame, so
that I really began to feel sorry for him; it was really treating the
crazy fellow too harshly. Dounia was at once asked to give lessons in
several families, but she refused. All of a sudden everyone began to
treat her with marked respect and all this did much to bring about the
event by which, one may say, our whole fortunes are now transformed. You
must know, dear Rodya, that Dounia has a suitor and that she has already
consented to marry him. I hasten to tell you all about the matter, and
though it has been arranged without asking your consent, I think you
will not be aggrieved with me or with your sister on that account, for
you will see that we could not wait and put off our decision till we
heard from you. And you could not have judged all the facts without
being on the spot. This was how it happened. He is already of the rank
of a counsellor, Pyotr Petrovitch Luzhin, and is distantly related to
Marfa Petrovna, who has been very active in bringing the match about. It
began with his expressing through her his desire to make our
acquaintance. He was properly received, drank coffee with us and the
very next day he sent us a letter in which he very courteously made an
offer and begged for a speedy and decided answer. He is a very busy man
and is in a great hurry to get to Petersburg, so that every moment is
precious to him. At first, of course, we were greatly surprised, as it
had all happened so quickly and unexpectedly. We thought and talked it
over the whole day. He is a well-to-do man, to be depended upon, he has
two posts in the government and has already made his fortune. It is true
that he is forty-five years old, but he is of a fairly prepossessing
appearance and might still be thought attractive by women, and he is
altogether a very respectable and presentable man, only he seems a
little morose and somewhat conceited. But possibly that may only be the
impression he makes at first sight. And beware, dear Rodya, when he
comes to Petersburg, as he shortly will do, beware of judging him too
hastily and severely, as your way is, if there is anything you do not
like in him at first sight. I give you this warning, although I feel
sure that he will make a favourable impression upon you. Moreover, in
order to understand any man one must be deliberate and careful to avoid
forming prejudices and mistaken ideas, which are very difficult to
correct and get over afterwards. And Pyotr Petrovitch, judging by many
indications, is a thoroughly estimable man. At his first visit, indeed,
he told us that he was a practical man, but still he shares, as he
expressed it, many of the convictions 'of our most rising generation'
and he is an opponent of all prejudices. He said a good deal more, for
he seems a little conceited and likes to be listened to, but this is
scarcely a vice. I, of course, understood very little of it, but Dounia
explained to me that, though he is not a man of great education, he is
clever and seems to be good-natured. You know your sister's character,
Rodya. She is a resolute, sensible, patient and generous girl, but she
has a passionate heart, as I know very well. Of course, there is no
great love either on his side, or on hers, but Dounia is a clever girl
and has the heart of an angel, and will make it her duty to make her
husband happy who on his side will make her happiness his care. Of that
we have no good reason to doubt, though it must be admitted the matter
has been arranged in great haste. Besides he is a man of great prudence
and he will see, to be sure, of himself, that his own happiness will be
the more secure, the happier Dounia is with him. And as for some defects
of character, for some habits and even certain differences of
opinion—which indeed are inevitable even in the happiest marriages—Dounia
has said that, as regards all that, she relies on herself, that there is
nothing to be uneasy about, and that she is ready to put up with a great
deal, if only their future relationship can be an honourable and
straightforward one. He struck me, for instance, at first, as rather
abrupt, but that may well come from his being an outspoken man, and that
is no doubt how it is. For instance, at his second visit, after he had
received Dounia's consent, in the course of conversation, he declared
that before making Dounia's acquaintance, he had made up his mind to
marry a girl of good reputation, without dowry and, above all, one who
had experienced poverty, because, as he explained, a man ought not to be
indebted to his wife, but that it is better for a wife to look upon her
husband as her benefactor. I must add that he expressed it more nicely
and politely than I have done, for I have forgotten his actual phrases
and only remember the meaning. And, besides, it was obviously not said
of design, but slipped out in the heat of conversation, so that he tried
afterwards to correct himself and smooth it over, but all the same it
did strike me as somewhat rude, and I said so afterwards to Dounia. But
Dounia was vexed, and answered that 'words are not deeds,' and that, of
course, is perfectly true. Dounia did not sleep all night before she
made up her mind, and, thinking that I was asleep, she got out of bed
and was walking up and down the room all night; at last she knelt down
before the ikon and prayed long and fervently and in the morning she
told me that she had decided.
"I have mentioned already that Pyotr
Petrovitch is just setting off for Petersburg, where he has a great deal
of business, and he wants to open a legal bureau. He has been occupied
for many years in conducting civil and commercial litigation, and only
the other day he won an important case. He has to be in Petersburg
because he has an important case before the Senate. So, Rodya dear, he
may be of the greatest use to you, in every way indeed, and Dounia and I
have agreed that from this very day you could definitely enter upon your
career and might consider that your future is marked out and assured for
you. Oh, if only this comes to pass! This would be such a benefit that
we could only look upon it as a providential blessing. Dounia is
dreaming of nothing else. We have even ventured already to drop a few
words on the subject to Pyotr Petrovitch. He was cautious in his answer,
and said that, of course, as he could not get on without a secretary, it
would be better to be paying a salary to a relation than to a stranger,
if only the former were fitted for the duties (as though there could be
doubt of your being fitted!) but then he expressed doubts whether your
studies at the university would leave you time for work at his office.
The matter dropped for the time, but Dounia is thinking of nothing else
now. She has been in a sort of fever for the last few days, and has
already made a regular plan for your becoming in the end an associate
and even a partner in Pyotr Petrovitch's business, which might well be,
seeing that you are a student of law. I am in complete agreement with
her, Rodya, and share all her plans and hopes, and think there is every
probability of realising them. And in spite of Pyotr Petrovitch's
evasiveness, very natural at present (since he does not know you),
Dounia is firmly persuaded that she will gain everything by her good
influence over her future husband; this she is reckoning upon. Of course
we are careful not to talk of any of these more remote plans to Pyotr
Petrovitch, especially of your becoming his partner. He is a practical
man and might take this very coldly, it might all seem to him simply a
day-dream. Nor has either Dounia or I breathed a word to him of the
great hopes we have of his helping us to pay for your university
studies; we have not spoken of it in the first place, because it will
come to pass of itself, later on, and he will no doubt without wasting
words offer to do it of himself, (as though he could refuse Dounia that)
the more readily since you may by your own efforts become his right hand
in the office, and receive this assistance not as a charity, but as a
salary earned by your own work. Dounia wants to arrange it all like this
and I quite agree with her. And we have not spoken of our plans for
another reason, that is, because I particularly wanted you to feel on an
equal footing when you first meet him. When Dounia spoke to him with
enthusiasm about you, he answered that one could never judge of a man
without seeing him close, for oneself, and that he looked forward to
forming his own opinion when he makes your acquaintance. Do you know, my
precious Rodya, I think that perhaps for some reasons (nothing to do
with Pyotr Petrovitch though, simply for my own personal, perhaps
old-womanish, fancies) I should do better to go on living by myself,
apart, than with them, after the wedding. I am convinced that he will be
generous and delicate enough to invite me and to urge me to remain with
my daughter for the future, and if he has said nothing about it
hitherto, it is simply because it has been taken for granted; but I
shall refuse. I have noticed more than once in my life that husbands
don't quite get on with their mothers-in-law, and I don't want to be the
least bit in anyone's way, and for my own sake, too, would rather be
quite independent, so long as I have a crust of bread of my own, and
such children as you and Dounia. If possible, I would settle somewhere
near you, for the most joyful piece of news, dear Rodya, I have kept for
the end of my letter: know then, my dear boy, that we may, perhaps, be
all together in a very short time and may embrace one another again
after a separation of almost three years! It is settled for certain
that Dounia and I are to set off for Petersburg, exactly when I don't
know, but very, very soon, possibly in a week. It all depends on Pyotr
Petrovitch who will let us know when he has had time to look round him
in Petersburg. To suit his own arrangements he is anxious to have the
ceremony as soon as possible, even before the fast of Our Lady, if it
could be managed, or if that is too soon to be ready, immediately after.
Oh, with what happiness I shall press you to my heart! Dounia is all
excitement at the joyful thought of seeing you, she said one day in joke
that she would be ready to marry Pyotr Petrovitch for that alone. She is
an angel! She is not writing anything to you now, and has only told me
to write that she has so much, so much to tell you that she is not going
to take up her pen now, for a few lines would tell you nothing, and it
would only mean upsetting herself; she bids me send you her love and
innumerable kisses. But although we shall be meeting so soon, perhaps I
shall send you as much money as I can in a day or two. Now that everyone
has heard that Dounia is to marry Pyotr Petrovitch, my credit has
suddenly improved and I know that Afanasy Ivanovitch will trust me now
even to seventy-five roubles on the security of my pension, so that
perhaps I shall be able to send you twenty-five or even thirty roubles.
I would send you more, but I am uneasy about our travelling expenses;
for though Pyotr Petrovitch has been so kind as to undertake part of the
expenses of the journey, that is to say, he has taken upon himself the
conveyance of our bags and big trunk (which will be conveyed through
some acquaintances of his), we must reckon upon some expense on our
arrival in Petersburg, where we can't be left without a halfpenny, at
least for the first few days. But we have calculated it all, Dounia and
I, to the last penny, and we see that the journey will not cost very
much. It is only ninety versts from us to the railway and we have come
to an agreement with a driver we know, so as to be in readiness; and
from there Dounia and I can travel quite comfortably third class. So
that I may very likely be able to send to you not twenty-five, but
thirty roubles. But enough; I have covered two sheets already and there
is no space left for more; our whole history, but so many events have
happened! And now, my precious Rodya, I embrace you and send you a
mother's blessing till we meet. Love Dounia your sister, Rodya; love her
as she loves you and understand that she loves you beyond everything,
more than herself. She is an angel and you, Rodya, you are everything to
us—our one hope, our one consolation. If only you are happy, we shall
be happy. Do you still say your prayers, Rodya, and believe in the mercy
of our Creator and our Redeemer? I am afraid in my heart that you may
have been visited by the new spirit of infidelity that is abroad to-day;
If it is so, I pray for you. Remember, dear boy, how in your childhood,
when your father was living, you used to lisp your prayers at my knee,
and how happy we all were in those days. Good-bye, till we meet then—I
embrace you warmly, warmly, with many kisses.
"Yours till death,
"PULCHERIA RASKOLNIKOV."
Almost from the first, while he read the letter,
Raskolnikov's face was wet with tears; but when he finished it, his face
was pale and distorted and a bitter, wrathful and malignant smile was on
his lips. He laid his head down on his threadbare dirty pillow and
pondered, pondered a long time. His heart was beating violently, and his
brain was in a turmoil. At last he felt cramped and stifled in the
little yellow room that was like a cupboard or a box. His eyes and his
mind craved for space. He took up his hat and went out, this time
without dread of meeting anyone; he had forgotten his dread. He turned
in the direction of the Vassilyevsky Ostrov, walking along Vassilyevsky
Prospect, as though hastening on some business, but he walked, as his
habit was, without noticing his way, muttering and even speaking aloud
to himself, to the astonishment of the passers-by. Many of them took him
to be drunk.
CHAPTER IV
His mother's letter had been a torture to him, but
as regards the chief fact in it, he had felt not one moment's
hesitation, even whilst he was reading the letter. The essential
question was settled, and irrevocably settled, in his mind: "Never
such a marriage while I am alive and Mr. Luzhin be damned!"
"The thing is perfectly clear," he muttered to himself, with a
malignant smile anticipating the triumph of his decision. "No,
mother, no, Dounia, you won't deceive me! and then they apologise for
not asking my advice and for taking the decision without me! I dare say!
They imagine it is arranged now and can't be broken off; but we will see
whether it can or not! A magnificent excuse: 'Pyotr Petrovitch is such a
busy man that even his wedding has to be in post-haste, almost by
express.' No, Dounia, I see it all and I know what you want to say to
me; and I know too what you were thinking about, when you walked up and
down all night, and what your prayers were like before the Holy Mother
of Kazan who stands in mother's bedroom. Bitter is the ascent to
Golgotha.... Hm... so it is finally settled; you have determined to
marry a sensible business man, Avdotya Romanovna, one who has a fortune
(has already made his fortune, that is so much more solid and
impressive) a man who holds two government posts and who shares the
ideas of our most rising generation, as mother writes, and who seems
to be kind, as Dounia herself observes. That seems beats
everything! And that very Dounia for that very 'seems' is
marrying him! Splendid! splendid!
"... But I should like to know why mother has
written to me about 'our most rising generation'? Simply as a
descriptive touch, or with the idea of prepossessing me in favour of Mr.
Luzhin? Oh, the cunning of them! I should like to know one thing more:
how far they were open with one another that day and night and all this
time since? Was it all put into words, or did both understand
that they had the same thing at heart and in their minds, so that there
was no need to speak of it aloud, and better not to speak of it. Most
likely it was partly like that, from mother's letter it's evident: he
struck her as rude a little, and mother in her simplicity took
her observations to Dounia. And she was sure to be vexed and 'answered
her angrily.' I should think so! Who would not be angered when it was
quite clear without any naïve questions and when it was understood that
it was useless to discuss it. And why does she write to me, 'love Dounia,
Rodya, and she loves you more than herself'? Has she a secret
conscience-prick at sacrificing her daughter to her son? 'You are our
one comfort, you are everything to us.' Oh, mother!"
His bitterness grew more and more intense, and if
he had happened to meet Mr. Luzhin at the moment, he might have murdered
him.
"Hm... yes, that's true," he continued,
pursuing the whirling ideas that chased each other in his brain,
"it is true that 'it needs time and care to get to know a man,' but
there is no mistake about Mr. Luzhin. The chief thing is he is 'a man of
business and seems kind,' that was something, wasn't it, to send
the bags and big box for them! A kind man, no doubt after that! But his bride
and her mother are to drive in a peasant's cart covered with sacking (I
know, I have been driven in it). No matter! It is only ninety versts and
then they can 'travel very comfortably, third class,' for a thousand
versts! Quite right, too. One must cut one's coat according to one's
cloth, but what about you, Mr. Luzhin? She is your bride.... And you
must be aware that her mother has to raise money on her pension for the
journey. To be sure it's a matter of business, a partnership for mutual
benefit, with equal shares and expenses;—food and drink provided, but
pay for your tobacco. The business man has got the better of them, too.
The luggage will cost less than their fares and very likely go for
nothing. How is it that they don't both see all that, or is it that they
don't want to see? And they are pleased, pleased! And to think that this
is only the first blossoming, and that the real fruits are to come! But
what really matters is not the stinginess, is not the meanness, but the tone
of the whole thing. For that will be the tone after marriage, it's a
foretaste of it. And mother too, why should she be so lavish? What will
she have by the time she gets to Petersburg? Three silver roubles or two
'paper ones' as she says.... that old woman... hm. What does she
expect to live upon in Petersburg afterwards? She has her reasons
already for guessing that she could not live with Dounia after
the marriage, even for the first few months. The good man has no doubt
let slip something on that subject also, though mother would deny it: 'I
shall refuse,' says she. On whom is she reckoning then? Is she counting
on what is left of her hundred and twenty roubles of pension when
Afanasy Ivanovitch's debt is paid? She knits woollen shawls and
embroiders cuffs, ruining her old eyes. And all her shawls don't add
more than twenty roubles a year to her hundred and twenty, I know that.
So she is building all her hopes all the time on Mr. Luzhin's
generosity; 'he will offer it of himself, he will press it on me.' You
may wait a long time for that! That's how it always is with these
Schilleresque noble hearts; till the last moment every goose is a swan
with them, till the last moment, they hope for the best and will see
nothing wrong, and although they have an inkling of the other side of
the picture, yet they won't face the truth till they are forced to; the
very thought of it makes them shiver; they thrust the truth away with
both hands, until the man they deck out in false colours puts a fool's
cap on them with his own hands. I should like to know whether Mr. Luzhin
has any orders of merit; I bet he has the Anna in his buttonhole and
that he puts it on when he goes to dine with contractors or merchants.
He will be sure to have it for his wedding, too! Enough of him, confound
him!
"Well,... mother I don't wonder at, it's like
her, God bless her, but how could Dounia? Dounia darling, as though I
did not know you! You were nearly twenty when I saw you last: I
understood you then. Mother writes that 'Dounia can put up with a great
deal.' I know that very well. I knew that two years and a half ago, and
for the last two and a half years I have been thinking about it,
thinking of just that, that 'Dounia can put up with a great deal.' If
she could put up with Mr. Svidrigaïlov and all the rest of it, she
certainly can put up with a great deal. And now mother and she have
taken it into their heads that she can put up with Mr. Luzhin, who
propounds the theory of the superiority of wives raised from destitution
and owing everything to their husband's bounty—who propounds it, too,
almost at the first interview. Granted that he 'let it slip,' though he
is a sensible man, (yet maybe it was not a slip at all, but he meant to
make himself clear as soon as possible) but Dounia, Dounia? She
understands the man, of course, but she will have to live with the man.
Why! she'd live on black bread and water, she would not sell her soul,
she would not barter her moral freedom for comfort; she would not barter
it for all Schleswig-Holstein, much less Mr. Luzhin's money. No, Dounia
was not that sort when I knew her and... she is still the same, of
course! Yes, there's no denying, the Svidrigaïlovs are a bitter pill!
It's a bitter thing to spend one's life a governess in the provinces for
two hundred roubles, but I know she would rather be a nigger on a
plantation or a Lett with a German master than degrade her soul, and her
moral dignity, by binding herself for ever to a man whom she does not
respect and with whom she has nothing in common—for her own advantage.
And if Mr. Luzhin had been of unalloyed gold, or one huge diamond, she
would never have consented to become his legal concubine. Why is she
consenting then? What's the point of it? What's the answer? It's clear
enough: for herself, for her comfort, to save her life she would not
sell herself, but for someone else she is doing it! For one she loves,
for one she adores, she will sell herself! That's what it all amounts
to; for her brother, for her mother, she will sell herself! She will
sell everything! In such cases, 'we overcome our moral feeling if
necessary,' freedom, peace, conscience even, all, all are brought into
the market. Let my life go, if only my dear ones may be happy! More than
that, we become casuists, we learn to be Jesuitical and for a time maybe
we can soothe ourselves, we can persuade ourselves that it is one's duty
for a good object. That's just like us, it's as clear as daylight. It's
clear that Rodion Romanovitch Raskolnikov is the central figure in the
business, and no one else. Oh, yes, she can ensure his happiness, keep
him in the university, make him a partner in the office, make his whole
future secure; perhaps he may even be a rich man later on, prosperous,
respected, and may even end his life a famous man! But my mother? It's
all Rodya, precious Rodya, her first born! For such a son who would not
sacrifice such a daughter! Oh, loving, over-partial hearts! Why, for his
sake we would not shrink even from Sonia's fate. Sonia, Sonia Marmeladov,
the eternal victim so long as the world lasts. Have you taken the
measure of your sacrifice, both of you? Is it right? Can you bear it? Is
it any use? Is there sense in it? And let me tell you, Dounia, Sonia's
life is no worse than life with Mr. Luzhin. 'There can be no question of
love,' mother writes. And what if there can be no respect either, if on
the contrary there is aversion, contempt, repulsion, what then? So you
will have to 'keep up your appearance,' too. Is not that so? Do you
understand what that smartness means? Do you understand that the Luzhin
smartness is just the same thing as Sonia's and may be worse, viler,
baser, because in your case, Dounia, it's a bargain for luxuries, after
all, but with Sonia it's simply a question of starvation. It has to be
paid for, it has to be paid for, Dounia, this smartness. And what if
it's more than you can bear afterwards, if you regret it? The
bitterness, the misery, the curses, the tears hidden from all the world,
for you are not a Marfa Petrovna. And how will your mother feel then?
Even now she is uneasy, she is worried, but then, when she sees it all
clearly? And I? Yes, indeed, what have you taken me for? I won't have
your sacrifice, Dounia, I won't have it, mother! It shall not be, so
long as I am alive, it shall not, it shall not! I won't accept it!"
He suddenly paused in his reflection and stood
still.
"It shall not be? But what are you going to
do to prevent it? You'll forbid it? And what right have you? What can
you promise them on your side to give you such a right? Your whole life,
your whole future, you will devote to them when you have finished
your studies and obtained a post? Yes, we have heard all that
before, and that's all words, but now? Now something must be
done, now, do you understand that? And what are you doing now? You are
living upon them. They borrow on their hundred roubles pension. They
borrow from the Svidrigaïlovs. How are you going to save them from
Svidrigaïlovs, from Afanasy Ivanovitch Vahrushin, oh, future
millionaire Zeus who would arrange their lives for them? In another ten
years? In another ten years, mother will be blind with knitting shawls,
maybe with weeping too. She will be worn to a shadow with fasting; and
my sister? Imagine for a moment what may have become of your sister in
ten years? What may happen to her during those ten years? Can you
fancy?"
So he tortured himself, fretting himself with such
questions, and finding a kind of enjoyment in it. And yet all these
questions were not new ones suddenly confronting him, they were old
familiar aches. It was long since they had first begun to grip and rend
his heart. Long, long ago his present anguish had its first beginnings;
it had waxed and gathered strength, it had matured and concentrated,
until it had taken the form of a fearful, frenzied and fantastic
question, which tortured his heart and mind, clamouring insistently for
an answer. Now his mother's letter had burst on him like a thunderclap.
It was clear that he must not now suffer passively, worrying himself
over unsolved questions, but that he must do something, do it at once,
and do it quickly. Anyway he must decide on something, or else...
"Or throw up life altogether!" he cried
suddenly, in a frenzy—"accept one's lot humbly as it is, once for
all and stifle everything in oneself, giving up all claim to activity,
life and love!"
"Do you understand, sir, do you understand
what it means when you have absolutely nowhere to turn?"
Marmeladov's question came suddenly into his mind, "for every man
must have somewhere to turn...."
He gave a sudden start; another thought, that he
had had yesterday, slipped back into his mind. But he did not start at
the thought recurring to him, for he knew, he had felt beforehand,
that it must come back, he was expecting it; besides it was not only
yesterday's thought. The difference was that a month ago, yesterday
even, the thought was a mere dream: but now... now it appeared not a
dream at all, it had taken a new menacing and quite unfamiliar shape,
and he suddenly became aware of this himself.... He felt a hammering in
his head, and there was a darkness before his eyes.
He looked round hurriedly, he was searching for
something. He wanted to sit down and was looking for a seat; he was
walking along the K—— Boulevard. There was a seat about a hundred
paces in front of him. He walked towards it as fast he could; but on the
way he met with a little adventure which absorbed all his attention.
Looking for the seat, he had noticed a woman walking some twenty paces
in front of him, but at first he took no more notice of her than of
other objects that crossed his path. It had happened to him many times
going home not to notice the road by which he was going, and he was
accustomed to walk like that. But there was at first sight something so
strange about the woman in front of him, that gradually his attention
was riveted upon her, at first reluctantly and, as it were, resentfully,
and then more and more intently. He felt a sudden desire to find out
what it was that was so strange about the woman. In the first place, she
appeared to be a girl quite young, and she was walking in the great heat
bareheaded and with no parasol or gloves, waving her arms about in an
absurd way. She had on a dress of some light silky material, but put on
strangely awry, not properly hooked up, and torn open at the top of the
skirt, close to the waist: a great piece was rent and hanging loose. A
little kerchief was flung about her bare throat, but lay slanting on one
side. The girl was walking unsteadily, too, stumbling and staggering
from side to side. She drew Raskolnikov's whole attention at last. He
overtook the girl at the seat, but, on reaching it, she dropped down on
it, in the corner; she let her head sink on the back of the seat and
closed her eyes, apparently in extreme exhaustion. Looking at her
closely, he saw at once that she was completely drunk. It was a strange
and shocking sight. He could hardly believe that he was not mistaken. He
saw before him the face of a quite young, fair-haired girl—sixteen,
perhaps not more than fifteen, years old, pretty little face, but
flushed and heavy looking and, as it were, swollen. The girl seemed
hardly to know what she was doing; she crossed one leg over the other,
lifting it indecorously, and showed every sign of being unconscious that
she was in the street.
Raskolnikov did not sit down, but he felt
unwilling to leave her, and stood facing her in perplexity. This
boulevard was never much frequented; and now, at two o'clock, in the
stifling heat, it was quite deserted. And yet on the further side of the
boulevard, about fifteen paces away, a gentleman was standing on the
edge of the pavement. He, too, would apparently have liked to approach
the girl with some object of his own. He, too, had probably seen her in
the distance and had followed her, but found Raskolnikov in his way. He
looked angrily at him, though he tried to escape his notice, and stood
impatiently biding his time, till the unwelcome man in rags should have
moved away. His intentions were unmistakable. The gentleman was a plump,
thickly-set man, about thirty, fashionably dressed, with a high colour,
red lips and moustaches. Raskolnikov felt furious; he had a sudden
longing to insult this fat dandy in some way. He left the girl for a
moment and walked towards the gentleman.
"Hey! You Svidrigaïlov! What do you want
here?" he shouted, clenching his fists and laughing, spluttering
with rage.
"What do you mean?" the gentleman asked
sternly, scowling in haughty astonishment.
"Get away, that's what I mean."
"How dare you, you low fellow!"
He raised his cane. Raskolnikov rushed at him with
his fists, without reflecting that the stout gentleman was a match for
two men like himself. But at that instant someone seized him from
behind, and a police constable stood between them.
"That's enough, gentlemen, no fighting,
please, in a public place. What do you want? Who are you?" he asked
Raskolnikov sternly, noticing his rags.
Raskolnikov looked at him intently. He had a
straight-forward, sensible, soldierly face, with grey moustaches and
whiskers.
"You are just the man I want,"
Raskolnikov cried, catching at his arm. "I am a student,
Raskolnikov.... You may as well know that too," he added,
addressing the gentleman, "come along, I have something to show
you."
And taking the policeman by the hand he drew him
towards the seat.
"Look here, hopelessly drunk, and she has
just come down the boulevard. There is no telling who and what she is,
she does not look like a professional. It's more likely she has been
given drink and deceived somewhere... for the first time... you
understand? and they've put her out into the street like that. Look at
the way her dress is torn, and the way it has been put on: she has been
dressed by somebody, she has not dressed herself, and dressed by
unpractised hands, by a man's hands; that's evident. And now look there:
I don't know that dandy with whom I was going to fight, I see him for
the first time, but he, too, has seen her on the road, just now, drunk,
not knowing what she is doing, and now he is very eager to get hold of
her, to get her away somewhere while she is in this state... that's
certain, believe me, I am not wrong. I saw him myself watching her and
following her, but I prevented him, and he is just waiting for me to go
away. Now he has walked away a little, and is standing still, pretending
to make a cigarette.... Think how can we keep her out of his hands, and
how are we to get her home?"
The policeman saw it all in a flash. The stout
gentleman was easy to understand, he turned to consider the girl. The
policeman bent over to examine her more closely, and his face worked
with genuine compassion.
"Ah, what a pity!" he said, shaking his
head—"why, she is quite a child! She has been deceived, you can
see that at once. Listen, lady," he began addressing her,
"where do you live?" The girl opened her weary and
sleepy-looking eyes, gazed blankly at the speaker and waved her hand.
"Here," said Raskolnikov feeling in his
pocket and finding twenty copecks, "here, call a cab and tell him
to drive her to her address. The only thing is to find out her
address!"
"Missy, missy!" the policeman began
again, taking the money. "I'll fetch you a cab and take you home
myself. Where shall I take you, eh? Where do you live?"
"Go away! They won't let me alone," the
girl muttered, and once more waved her hand.
"Ach, ach, how shocking! It's shameful,
missy, it's a shame!" He shook his head again, shocked, sympathetic
and indignant.
"It's a difficult job," the policeman
said to Raskolnikov, and as he did so, he looked him up and down in a
rapid glance. He, too, must have seemed a strange figure to him: dressed
in rags and handing him money!
"Did you meet her far from here?" he
asked him.
"I tell you she was walking in front of me,
staggering, just here, in the boulevard. She only just reached the seat
and sank down on it."
"Ah, the shameful things that are done in the
world nowadays, God have mercy on us! An innocent creature like that,
drunk already! She has been deceived, that's a sure thing. See how her
dress has been torn too.... Ah, the vice one sees nowadays! And as
likely as not she belongs to gentlefolk too, poor ones maybe.... There
are many like that nowadays. She looks refined, too, as though she were
a lady," and he bent over her once more.
Perhaps he had daughters growing up like that,
"looking like ladies and refined" with pretensions to
gentility and smartness....
"The chief thing is," Raskolnikov
persisted, "to keep her out of this scoundrel's hands! Why should
he outrage her! It's as clear as day what he is after; ah, the brute, he
is not moving off!"
Raskolnikov spoke aloud and pointed to him. The
gentleman heard him, and seemed about to fly into a rage again, but
thought better of it, and confined himself to a contemptuous look. He
then walked slowly another ten paces away and again halted.
"Keep her out of his hands we can," said
the constable thoughtfully, "if only she'd tell us where to take
her, but as it is.... Missy, hey, missy!" he bent over her once
more.
She opened her eyes fully all of a sudden, looked
at him intently, as though realising something, got up from the seat and
walked away in the direction from which she had come. "Oh shameful
wretches, they won't let me alone!" she said, waving her hand
again. She walked quickly, though staggering as before. The dandy
followed her, but along another avenue, keeping his eye on her.
"Don't be anxious, I won't let him have
her," the policeman said resolutely, and he set off after them.
"Ah, the vice one sees nowadays!" he
repeated aloud, sighing.
At that moment something seemed to sting
Raskolnikov; in an instant a complete revulsion of feeling came over
him.
"Hey, here!" he shouted after the
policeman.
The latter turned round.
"Let them be! What is it to do with you? Let
her go! Let him amuse himself." He pointed at the dandy, "What
is it to do with you?"
The policeman was bewildered, and stared at him
open-eyed. Raskolnikov laughed.
"Well!" ejaculated the policeman, with a
gesture of contempt, and he walked after the dandy and the girl,
probably taking Raskolnikov for a madman or something even worse.
"He has carried off my twenty copecks,"
Raskolnikov murmured angrily when he was left alone. "Well, let him
take as much from the other fellow to allow him to have the girl and so
let it end. And why did I want to interfere? Is it for me to help? Have
I any right to help? Let them devour each other alive—what is to me?
How did I dare to give him twenty copecks? Were they mine?"
In spite of those strange words he felt very
wretched. He sat down on the deserted seat. His thoughts strayed
aimlessly.... He found it hard to fix his mind on anything at that
moment. He longed to forget himself altogether, to forget everything,
and then to wake up and begin life anew....
"Poor girl!" he said, looking at the
empty corner where she had sat—"She will come to herself and
weep, and then her mother will find out.... She will give her a beating,
a horrible, shameful beating and then maybe, turn her out of doors....
And even if she does not, the Darya Frantsovnas will get wind of it, and
the girl will soon be slipping out on the sly here and there. Then there
will be the hospital directly (that's always the luck of those girls
with respectable mothers, who go wrong on the sly) and then... again the
hospital... drink... the taverns... and more hospital, in two or three
years—a wreck, and her life over at eighteen or nineteen.... Have not
I seen cases like that? And how have they been brought to it? Why,
they've all come to it like that. Ugh! But what does it matter? That's
as it should be, they tell us. A certain percentage, they tell us, must
every year go... that way... to the devil, I suppose, so that the rest
may remain chaste, and not be interfered with. A percentage! What
splendid words they have; they are so scientific, so consolatory....
Once you've said 'percentage' there's nothing more to worry about. If we
had any other word... maybe we might feel more uneasy.... But what if
Dounia were one of the percentage! Of another one if not that one?
"But where am I going?" he thought
suddenly. "Strange, I came out for something. As soon as I had read
the letter I came out.... I was going to Vassilyevsky Ostrov, to
Razumihin. That's what it was... now I remember. What for, though? And
what put the idea of going to Razumihin into my head just now? That's
curious."
He wondered at himself. Razumihin was one of his
old comrades at the university. It was remarkable that Raskolnikov had
hardly any friends at the university; he kept aloof from everyone, went
to see no one, and did not welcome anyone who came to see him, and
indeed everyone soon gave him up. He took no part in the students'
gatherings, amusements or conversations. He worked with great intensity
without sparing himself, and he was respected for this, but no one liked
him. He was very poor, and there was a sort of haughty pride and reserve
about him, as though he were keeping something to himself. He seemed to
some of his comrades to look down upon them all as children, as though
he were superior in development, knowledge and convictions, as though
their beliefs and interests were beneath him.
With Razumihin he had got on, or, at least, he was
more unreserved and communicative with him. Indeed it was impossible to
be on any other terms with Razumihin. He was an exceptionally good-humoured
and candid youth, good-natured to the point of simplicity, though both
depth and dignity lay concealed under that simplicity. The better of his
comrades understood this, and all were fond of him. He was extremely
intelligent, though he was certainly rather a simpleton at times. He was
of striking appearance—tall, thin, blackhaired and always badly
shaved. He was sometimes uproarious and was reputed to be of great
physical strength. One night, when out in a festive company, he had with
one blow laid a gigantic policeman on his back. There was no limit to
his drinking powers, but he could abstain from drink altogether; he
sometimes went too far in his pranks; but he could do without pranks
altogether. Another thing striking about Razumihin, no failure
distressed him, and it seemed as though no unfavourable circumstances
could crush him. He could lodge anywhere, and bear the extremes of cold
and hunger. He was very poor, and kept himself entirely on what he could
earn by work of one sort or another. He knew of no end of resources by
which to earn money. He spent one whole winter without lighting his
stove, and used to declare that he liked it better, because one slept
more soundly in the cold. For the present he, too, had been obliged to
give up the university, but it was only for a time, and he was working
with all his might to save enough to return to his studies again.
Raskolnikov had not been to see him for the last four months, and
Razumihin did not even know his address. About two months before, they
had met in the street, but Raskolnikov had turned away and even crossed
to the other side that he might not be observed. And though Razumihin
noticed him, he passed him by, as he did not want to annoy him.
CHAPTER V
"Of course, I've been meaning lately to go to
Razumihin's to ask for work, to ask him to get me lessons or
something..." Raskolnikov thought, "but what help can he be to
me now? Suppose he gets me lessons, suppose he shares his last farthing
with me, if he has any farthings, so that I could get some boots and
make myself tidy enough to give lessons... hm... Well and what then?
What shall I do with the few coppers I earn? That's not what I want now.
It's really absurd for me to go to Razumihin...."
The question why he was now going to Razumihin
agitated him even more than he was himself aware; he kept uneasily
seeking for some sinister significance in this apparently ordinary
action.
"Could I have expected to set it all straight
and to find a way out by means of Razumihin alone?" he asked
himself in perplexity.
He pondered and rubbed his forehead, and, strange
to say, after long musing, suddenly, as if it were spontaneously and by
chance, a fantastic thought came into his head.
"Hm... to Razumihin's," he said all at
once, calmly, as though he had reached a final determination. "I
shall go to Razumihin's of course, but... not now. I shall go to him...
on the next day after It, when It will be over and everything will begin
afresh...."
And suddenly he realised what he was thinking.
"After It," he shouted, jumping up from
the seat, "but is It really going to happen? Is it possible it
really will happen?" He left the seat, and went off almost at a
run; he meant to turn back, homewards, but the thought of going home
suddenly filled him with intense loathing; in that hole, in that awful
little cupboard of his, all this had for a month past been
growing up in him; and he walked on at random.
His nervous shudder had passed into a fever that
made him feel shivering; in spite of the heat he felt cold. With a kind
of effort he began almost unconsciously, from some inner craving, to
stare at all the objects before him, as though looking for something to
distract his attention; but he did not succeed, and kept dropping every
moment into brooding. When with a start he lifted his head again and
looked round, he forgot at once what he had just been thinking about and
even where he was going. In this way he walked right across Vassilyevsky
Ostrov, came out on to the Lesser Neva, crossed the bridge and turned
towards the islands. The greenness and freshness were at first restful
to his weary eyes after the dust of the town and the huge houses that
hemmed him in and weighed upon him. Here there were no taverns, no
stifling closeness, no stench. But soon these new pleasant sensations
passed into morbid irritability. Sometimes he stood still before a
brightly painted summer villa standing among green foliage, he gazed
through the fence, he saw in the distance smartly dressed women on the
verandahs and balconies, and children running in the gardens. The
flowers especially caught his attention; he gazed at them longer than at
anything. He was met, too, by luxurious carriages and by men and women
on horseback; he watched them with curious eyes and forgot about them
before they had vanished from his sight. Once he stood still and counted
his money; he found he had thirty copecks. "Twenty to the
policeman, three to Nastasya for the letter, so I must have given
forty-seven or fifty to the Marmeladovs yesterday," he thought,
reckoning it up for some unknown reason, but he soon forgot with what
object he had taken the money out of his pocket. He recalled it on
passing an eating-house or tavern, and felt that he was hungry.... Going
into the tavern he drank a glass of vodka and ate a pie of some sort. He
finished eating it as he walked away. It was a long while since he had
taken vodka and it had an effect upon him at once, though he only drank
a wineglassful. His legs felt suddenly heavy and a great drowsiness came
upon him. He turned homewards, but reaching Petrovsky Ostrov he stopped
completely exhausted, turned off the road into the bushes, sank down
upon the grass and instantly fell asleep.
In a morbid condition of the brain, dreams often
have a singular actuality, vividness, and extraordinary semblance of
reality. At times monstrous images are created, but the setting and the
whole picture are so truth-like and filled with details so delicate, so
unexpectedly, but so artistically consistent, that the dreamer, were he
an artist like Pushkin or Turgenev even, could never have invented them
in the waking state. Such sick dreams always remain long in the memory
and make a powerful impression on the overwrought and deranged nervous
system.
Raskolnikov had a fearful dream. He dreamt he was
back in his childhood in the little town of his birth. He was a child
about seven years old, walking into the country with his father on the
evening of a holiday. It was a grey and heavy day, the country was
exactly as he remembered it; indeed he recalled it far more vividly in
his dream than he had done in memory. The little town stood on a level
flat as bare as the hand, not even a willow near it; only in the far
distance, a copse lay, a dark blur on the very edge of the horizon. A
few paces beyond the last market garden stood a tavern, a big tavern,
which had always aroused in him a feeling of aversion, even of fear,
when he walked by it with his father. There was always a crowd there,
always shouting, laughter and abuse, hideous hoarse singing and often
fighting. Drunken and horrible-looking figures were hanging about the
tavern. He used to cling close to his father, trembling all over when he
met them. Near the tavern the road became a dusty track, the dust of
which was always black. It was a winding road, and about a hundred paces
further on, it turned to the right to the graveyard. In the middle of
the graveyard stood a stone church with a green cupola where he used to
go to mass two or three times a year with his father and mother, when a
service was held in memory of his grandmother, who had long been dead,
and whom he had never seen. On these occasions they used to take on a
white dish tied up in a table napkin a special sort of rice pudding with
raisins stuck in it in the shape of a cross. He loved that church, the
old-fashioned, unadorned ikons and the old priest with the shaking head.
Near his grandmother's grave, which was marked by a stone, was the
little grave of his younger brother who had died at six months old. He
did not remember him at all, but he had been told about his little
brother, and whenever he visited the graveyard he used religiously and
reverently to cross himself and to bow down and kiss the little grave.
And now he dreamt that he was walking with his father past the tavern on
the way to the graveyard; he was holding his father's hand and looking
with dread at the tavern. A peculiar circumstance attracted his
attention: there seemed to be some kind of festivity going on, there
were crowds of gaily dressed townspeople, peasant women, their husbands,
and riff-raff of all sorts, all singing and all more or less drunk. Near
the entrance of the tavern stood a cart, but a strange cart. It was one
of those big carts usually drawn by heavy cart-horses and laden with
casks of wine or other heavy goods. He always liked looking at those
great cart-horses, with their long manes, thick legs, and slow even
pace, drawing along a perfect mountain with no appearance of effort, as
though it were easier going with a load than without it. But now,
strange to say, in the shafts of such a cart he saw a thin little sorrel
beast, one of those peasants' nags which he had often seen straining
their utmost under a heavy load of wood or hay, especially when the
wheels were stuck in the mud or in a rut. And the peasants would beat
them so cruelly, sometimes even about the nose and eyes, and he felt so
sorry, so sorry for them that he almost cried, and his mother always
used to take him away from the window. All of a sudden there was a great
uproar of shouting, singing and the balalaïka, and from the tavern a
number of big and very drunken peasants came out, wearing red and blue
shirts and coats thrown over their shoulders.
"Get in, get in!" shouted one of them, a
young thick-necked peasant with a fleshy face red as a carrot.
"I'll take you all, get in!"
But at once there was an outbreak of laughter and
exclamations in the crowd.
"Take us all with a beast like that!"
"Why, Mikolka, are you crazy to put a nag
like that in such a cart?"
"And this mare is twenty if she is a day,
mates!"
"Get in, I'll take you all," Mikolka
shouted again, leaping first into the cart, seizing the reins and
standing straight up in front. "The bay has gone with Matvey,"
he shouted from the cart—"and this brute, mates, is just breaking
my heart, I feel as if I could kill her. She's just eating her head off.
Get in, I tell you! I'll make her gallop! She'll gallop!" and he
picked up the whip, preparing himself with relish to flog the little
mare.
"Get in! Come along!" The crowd laughed.
"D'you hear, she'll gallop!"
"Gallop indeed! She has not had a gallop in
her for the last ten years!"
"She'll jog along!"
"Don't you mind her, mates, bring a whip each
of you, get ready!"
"All right! Give it to her!"
They all clambered into Mikolka's cart, laughing
and making jokes. Six men got in and there was still room for more. They
hauled in a fat, rosy-cheeked woman. She was dressed in red cotton, in a
pointed, beaded headdress and thick leather shoes; she was cracking nuts
and laughing. The crowd round them was laughing too and indeed, how
could they help laughing? That wretched nag was to drag all the cartload
of them at a gallop! Two young fellows in the cart were just getting
whips ready to help Mikolka. With the cry of "now," the mare
tugged with all her might, but far from galloping, could scarcely move
forward; she struggled with her legs, gasping and shrinking from the
blows of the three whips which were showered upon her like hail. The
laughter in the cart and in the crowd was redoubled, but Mikolka flew
into a rage and furiously thrashed the mare, as though he supposed she
really could gallop.
"Let me get in, too, mates," shouted a
young man in the crowd whose appetite was aroused.
"Get in, all get in," cried Mikolka,
"she will draw you all. I'll beat her to death!" And he
thrashed and thrashed at the mare, beside himself with fury.
"Father, father," he cried,
"father, what are they doing? Father, they are beating the poor
horse!"
"Come along, come along!" said his
father. "They are drunken and foolish, they are in fun; come away,
don't look!" and he tried to draw him away, but he tore himself
away from his hand, and, beside himself with horror, ran to the horse.
The poor beast was in a bad way. She was gasping, standing still, then
tugging again and almost falling.
"Beat her to death," cried Mikolka,
"it's come to that. I'll do for her!"
"What are you about, are you a Christian, you
devil?" shouted an old man in the crowd.
"Did anyone ever see the like? A wretched nag
like that pulling such a cartload," said another.
"You'll kill her," shouted the third.
"Don't meddle! It's my property, I'll do what
I choose. Get in, more of you! Get in, all of you! I will have her go at
a gallop!..."
All at once laughter broke into a roar and covered
everything: the mare, roused by the shower of blows, began feebly
kicking. Even the old man could not help smiling. To think of a wretched
little beast like that trying to kick!
Two lads in the crowd snatched up whips and ran to
the mare to beat her about the ribs. One ran each side.
"Hit her in the face, in the eyes, in the
eyes," cried Mikolka.
"Give us a song, mates," shouted someone
in the cart and everyone in the cart joined in a riotous song, jingling
a tambourine and whistling. The woman went on cracking nuts and
laughing.
... He ran beside the mare, ran in front of her,
saw her being whipped across the eyes, right in the eyes! He was crying,
he felt choking, his tears were streaming. One of the men gave him a cut
with the whip across the face, he did not feel it. Wringing his hands
and screaming, he rushed up to the grey-headed old man with the grey
beard, who was shaking his head in disapproval. One woman seized him by
the hand and would have taken him away, but he tore himself from her and
ran back to the mare. She was almost at the last gasp, but began kicking
once more.
"I'll teach you to kick," Mikolka
shouted ferociously. He threw down the whip, bent forward and picked up
from the bottom of the cart a long, thick shaft, he took hold of one end
with both hands and with an effort brandished it over the mare.
"He'll crush her," was shouted round
him. "He'll kill her!"
"It's my property," shouted Mikolka and
brought the shaft down with a swinging blow. There was a sound of a
heavy thud.
"Thrash her, thrash her! Why have you
stopped?" shouted voices in the crowd.
And Mikolka swung the shaft a second time and it
fell a second time on the spine of the luckless mare. She sank back on
her haunches, but lurched forward and tugged forward with all her force,
tugged first on one side and then on the other, trying to move the cart.
But the six whips were attacking her in all directions, and the shaft
was raised again and fell upon her a third time, then a fourth, with
heavy measured blows. Mikolka was in a fury that he could not kill her
at one blow.
"She's a tough one," was shouted in the
crowd.
"She'll fall in a minute, mates, there will
soon be an end of her," said an admiring spectator in the crowd.
"Fetch an axe to her! Finish her off,"
shouted a third.
"I'll show you! Stand off," Mikolka
screamed frantically; he threw down the shaft, stooped down in the cart
and picked up an iron crowbar. "Look out," he shouted, and
with all his might he dealt a stunning blow at the poor mare. The blow
fell; the mare staggered, sank back, tried to pull, but the bar fell
again with a swinging blow on her back and she fell on the ground like a
log.
"Finish her off," shouted Mikolka and he
leapt beside himself, out of the cart. Several young men, also flushed
with drink, seized anything they could come across—whips, sticks,
poles, and ran to the dying mare. Mikolka stood on one side and began
dealing random blows with the crowbar. The mare stretched out her head,
drew a long breath and died.
"You butchered her," someone shouted in
the crowd.
"Why wouldn't she gallop then?"
"My property!" shouted Mikolka, with
bloodshot eyes, brandishing the bar in his hands. He stood as though
regretting that he had nothing more to beat.
"No mistake about it, you are not a
Christian," many voices were shouting in the crowd.
But the poor boy, beside himself, made his way,
screaming, through the crowd to the sorrel nag, put his arms round her
bleeding dead head and kissed it, kissed the eyes and kissed the
lips.... Then he jumped up and flew in a frenzy with his little fists
out at Mikolka. At that instant his father, who had been running after
him, snatched him up and carried him out of the crowd.
"Come along, come! Let us go home," he
said to him.
"Father! Why did they... kill... the poor
horse!" he sobbed, but his voice broke and the words came in
shrieks from his panting chest.
"They are drunk.... They are brutal... it's
not our business!" said his father. He put his arms round his
father but he felt choked, choked. He tried to draw a breath, to cry
out—and woke up.
He waked up, gasping for breath, his hair soaked
with perspiration, and stood up in terror.
"Thank God, that was only a dream," he
said, sitting down under a tree and drawing deep breaths. "But what
is it? Is it some fever coming on? Such a hideous dream!"
He felt utterly broken: darkness and confusion
were in his soul. He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned his head
on his hands.
"Good God!" he cried, "can it be,
can it be, that I shall really take an axe, that I shall strike her on
the head, split her skull open... that I shall tread in the sticky warm
blood, break the lock, steal and tremble; hide, all spattered in the
blood... with the axe.... Good God, can it be?"
He was shaking like a leaf as he said this.
"But why am I going on like this?" he
continued, sitting up again, as it were in profound amazement. "I
knew that I could never bring myself to it, so what have I been
torturing myself for till now? Yesterday, yesterday, when I went to make
that... experiment, yesterday I realised completely that I could
never bear to do it.... Why am I going over it again, then? Why am I
hesitating? As I came down the stairs yesterday, I said myself that it
was base, loathsome, vile, vile... the very thought of it made me feel
sick and filled me with horror.
"No, I couldn't do it, I couldn't do it!
Granted, granted that there is no flaw in all that reasoning, that all
that I have concluded this last month is clear as day, true as
arithmetic.... My God! Anyway I couldn't bring myself to it! I couldn't
do it, I couldn't do it! Why, why then am I still...?"
He rose to his feet, looked round in wonder as
though surprised at finding himself in this place, and went towards the
bridge. He was pale, his eyes glowed, he was exhausted in every limb,
but he seemed suddenly to breathe more easily. He felt he had cast off
that fearful burden that had so long been weighing upon him, and all at
once there was a sense of relief and peace in his soul.
"Lord," he prayed, "show me my path—I renounce that
accursed... dream of mine."
Crossing the bridge, he gazed quietly and calmly
at the Neva, at the glowing red sun setting in the glowing sky. In spite
of his weakness he was not conscious of fatigue. It was as though an
abscess that had been forming for a month past in his heart had suddenly
broken. Freedom, freedom! He was free from that spell, that sorcery,
that obsession!
Later on, when he recalled that time and all that
happened to him during those days, minute by minute, point by point, he
was superstitiously impressed by one circumstance, which, though in
itself not very exceptional, always seemed to him afterwards the
predestined turning-point of his fate. He could never understand and
explain to himself why, when he was tired and worn out, when it would
have been more convenient for him to go home by the shortest and most
direct way, he had returned by the Hay Market where he had no need to
go. It was obviously and quite unnecessarily out of his way, though not
much so. It is true that it happened to him dozens of times to return
home without noticing what streets he passed through. But why, he was
always asking himself, why had such an important, such a decisive and at
the same time such an absolutely chance meeting happened in the Hay
Market (where he had moreover no reason to go) at the very hour, the
very minute of his life when he was just in the very mood and in the
very circumstances in which that meeting was able to exert the gravest
and most decisive influence on his whole destiny? As though it had been
lying in wait for him on purpose!
It was about nine o'clock when he crossed the Hay
Market. At the tables and the barrows, at the booths and the shops, all
the market people were closing their establishments or clearing away and
packing up their wares and, like their customers, were going home. Rag
pickers and costermongers of all kinds were crowding round the taverns
in the dirty and stinking courtyards of the Hay Market. Raskolnikov
particularly liked this place and the neighbouring alleys, when he
wandered aimlessly in the streets. Here his rags did not attract
contemptuous attention, and one could walk about in any attire without
scandalising people. At the corner of an alley a huckster and his wife
had two tables set out with tapes, thread, cotton handkerchiefs, etc.
They, too, had got up to go home, but were lingering in conversation
with a friend, who had just come up to them. This friend was Lizaveta
Ivanovna, or, as everyone called her, Lizaveta, the younger sister of
the old pawnbroker, Alyona Ivanovna, whom Raskolnikov had visited the
previous day to pawn his watch and make his experiment.... He
already knew all about Lizaveta and she knew him a little too. She was a
single woman of about thirty-five, tall, clumsy, timid, submissive and
almost idiotic. She was a complete slave and went in fear and trembling
of her sister, who made her work day and night, and even beat her. She
was standing with a bundle before the huckster and his wife, listening
earnestly and doubtfully. They were talking of something with special
warmth. The moment Raskolnikov caught sight of her, he was overcome by a
strange sensation as it were of intense astonishment, though there was
nothing astonishing about this meeting.
"You could make up your mind for yourself,
Lizaveta Ivanovna," the huckster was saying aloud. "Come round
to-morrow about seven. They will be here too."
"To-morrow?" said Lizaveta slowly and
thoughtfully, as though unable to make up her mind.
"Upon my word, what a fright you are in of
Alyona Ivanovna," gabbled the huckster's wife, a lively little
woman. "I look at you, you are like some little babe. And she is
not your own sister either-nothing but a step-sister and what a hand she
keeps over you!"
"But this time don't say a word to Alyona
Ivanovna," her husband interrupted; "that's my advice, but
come round to us without asking. It will be worth your while. Later on
your sister herself may have a notion."
"Am I to come?"
"About seven o'clock to-morrow. And they will
be here. You will be able to decide for yourself."
"And we'll have a cup of tea," added his
wife.
"All right, I'll come," said Lizaveta,
still pondering, and she began slowly moving away.
Raskolnikov had just passed and heard no more. He
passed softly, unnoticed, trying not to miss a word. His first amazement
was followed by a thrill of horror, like a shiver running down his
spine. He had learnt, he had suddenly quite unexpectedly learnt, that
the next day at seven o'clock Lizaveta, the old woman's sister and only
companion, would be away from home and that therefore at seven o'clock
precisely the old woman would be left alone.
He was only a few steps from his lodging. He went
in like a man condemned to death. He thought of nothing and was
incapable of thinking; but he felt suddenly in his whole being that he
had no more freedom of thought, no will, and that everything was
suddenly and irrevocably decided.
Certainly, if he had to wait whole years for a
suitable opportunity, he could not reckon on a more certain step towards
the success of the plan than that which had just presented itself. In
any case, it would have been difficult to find out beforehand and with
certainty, with greater exactness and less risk, and without dangerous
inquiries and investigations, that next day at a certain time an old
woman, on whose life an attempt was contemplated, would be at home and
entirely alone.
CHAPTER VI
Later on Raskolnikov happened to find out why the
huckster and his wife had invited Lizaveta. It was a very ordinary
matter and there was nothing exceptional about it. A family who had come
to the town and been reduced to poverty were selling their household
goods and clothes, all women's things. As the things would have fetched
little in the market, they were looking for a dealer. This was
Lizaveta's business. She undertook such jobs and was frequently
employed, as she was very honest and always fixed a fair price and stuck
to it. She spoke as a rule little and, as we have said already, she was
very submissive and timid.
But Raskolnikov had become superstitious of late.
The traces of superstition remained in him long after, and were almost
ineradicable. And in all this he was always afterwards disposed to see
something strange and mysterious, as it were, the presence of some
peculiar influences and coincidences. In the previous winter a student
he knew called Pokorev, who had left for Harkov, had chanced in
conversation to give him the address of Alyona Ivanovna, the old
pawnbroker, in case he might want to pawn anything. For a long while he
did not go to her, for he had lessons and managed to get along somehow.
Six weeks ago he had remembered the address; he had two articles that
could be pawned: his father's old silver watch and a little gold ring
with three red stones, a present from his sister at parting. He decided
to take the ring. When he found the old woman he had felt an
insurmountable repulsion for her at the first glance, though he knew
nothing special about her. He got two roubles from her and went into a
miserable little tavern on his way home. He asked for tea, sat down and
sank into deep thought. A strange idea was pecking at his brain like a
chicken in the egg, and very, very much absorbed him.
Almost beside him at the next table there was
sitting a student, whom he did not know and had never seen, and with him
a young officer. They had played a game of billiards and began drinking
tea. All at once he heard the student mention to the officer the
pawnbroker Alyona Ivanovna and give him her address. This of itself
seemed strange to Raskolnikov; he had just come from her and here at
once he heard her name. Of course it was a chance, but he could not
shake off a very extraordinary impression, and here someone seemed to be
speaking expressly for him; the student began telling his friend various
details about Alyona Ivanovna.
"She is first-rate," he said. "You
can always get money from her. She is as rich as a Jew, she can give you
five thousand roubles at a time and she is not above taking a pledge for
a rouble. Lots of our fellows have had dealings with her. But she is an
awful old harpy...."
And he began describing how spiteful and uncertain
she was, how if you were only a day late with your interest the pledge
was lost; how she gave a quarter of the value of an article and took
five and even seven percent a month on it and so on. The student
chattered on, saying that she had a sister Lizaveta, whom the wretched
little creature was continually beating, and kept in complete bondage
like a small child, though Lizaveta was at least six feet high.
"There's a phenomenon for you," cried
the student and he laughed.
They began talking about Lizaveta. The student
spoke about her with a peculiar relish and was continually laughing and
the officer listened with great interest and asked him to send Lizaveta
to do some mending for him. Raskolnikov did not miss a word and learned
everything about her. Lizaveta was younger than the old woman and was
her half-sister, being the child of a different mother. She was
thirty-five. She worked day and night for her sister, and besides doing
the cooking and the washing, she did sewing and worked as a charwoman
and gave her sister all she earned. She did not dare to accept an order
or job of any kind without her sister's permission. The old woman had
already made her will, and Lizaveta knew of it, and by this will she
would not get a farthing; nothing but the movables, chairs and so on;
all the money was left to a monastery in the province of N——, that
prayers might be said for her in perpetuity. Lizaveta was of lower rank
than her sister, unmarried and awfully uncouth in appearance, remarkably
tall with long feet that looked as if they were bent outwards. She
always wore battered goatskin shoes, and was clean in her person. What
the student expressed most surprise and amusement about was the fact
that Lizaveta was continually with child.
"But you say she is hideous?" observed
the officer.
"Yes, she is so dark-skinned and looks like a
soldier dressed up, but you know she is not at all hideous. She has such
a good-natured face and eyes. Strikingly so. And the proof of it is that
lots of people are attracted by her. She is such a soft, gentle
creature, ready to put up with anything, always willing, willing to do
anything. And her smile is really very sweet."
"You seem to find her attractive
yourself," laughed the officer.
"From her queerness. No, I'll tell you what.
I could kill that damned old woman and make off with her money, I assure
you, without the faintest conscience-prick," the student added with
warmth. The officer laughed again while Raskolnikov shuddered. How
strange it was!
"Listen, I want to ask you a serious
question," the student said hotly. "I was joking of course,
but look here; on one side we have a stupid, senseless, worthless,
spiteful, ailing, horrid old woman, not simply useless but doing actual
mischief, who has not an idea what she is living for herself, and who
will die in a day or two in any case. You understand? You
understand?"
"Yes, yes, I understand," answered the
officer, watching his excited companion attentively.
"Well, listen then. On the other side, fresh
young lives thrown away for want of help and by thousands, on every
side! A hundred thousand good deeds could be done and helped, on that
old woman's money which will be buried in a monastery! Hundreds,
thousands perhaps, might be set on the right path; dozens of families
saved from destitution, from ruin, from vice, from the Lock
hospitals—and all with her money. Kill her, take her money and with
the help of it devote oneself to the service of humanity and the good of
all. What do you think, would not one tiny crime be wiped out by
thousands of good deeds? For one life thousands would be saved from
corruption and decay. One death, and a hundred lives in exchange—it's
simple arithmetic! Besides, what value has the life of that sickly,
stupid, ill-natured old woman in the balance of existence! No more than
the life of a louse, of a black-beetle, less in fact because the old
woman is doing harm. She is wearing out the lives of others; the other
day she bit Lizaveta's finger out of spite; it almost had to be
amputated."
"Of course she does not deserve to
live," remarked the officer, "but there it is, it's
nature."
"Oh, well, brother, but we have to correct
and direct nature, and, but for that, we should drown in an ocean of
prejudice. But for that, there would never have been a single great man.
They talk of duty, conscience—I don't want to say anything against
duty and conscience;—but the point is, what do we mean by them. Stay,
I have another question to ask you. Listen!"
"No, you stay, I'll ask you a question.
Listen!"
"Well?"
"You are talking and speechifying away, but
tell me, would you kill the old woman yourself?"
"Of course not! I was only arguing the
justice of it.... It's nothing to do with me...."
"But I think, if you would not do it
yourself, there's no justice about it.... Let us have another
game."
Raskolnikov was violently agitated. Of course, it
was all ordinary youthful talk and thought, such as he had often heard
before in different forms and on different themes. But why had he
happened to hear such a discussion and such ideas at the very moment
when his own brain was just conceiving... the very same ideas?
And why, just at the moment when he had brought away the embryo of his
idea from the old woman had he dropped at once upon a conversation about
her? This coincidence always seemed strange to him. This trivial talk in
a tavern had an immense influence on him in his later action; as though
there had really been in it something preordained, some guiding hint....
On returning from the Hay Market he flung himself
on the sofa and sat for a whole hour without stirring. Meanwhile it got
dark; he had no candle and, indeed, it did not occur to him to light up.
He could never recollect whether he had been thinking about anything at
that time. At last he was conscious of his former fever and shivering,
and he realised with relief that he could lie down on the sofa. Soon
heavy, leaden sleep came over him, as it were crushing him.
He slept an extraordinarily long time and without
dreaming. Nastasya, coming into his room at ten o'clock the next
morning, had difficulty in rousing him. She brought him in tea and
bread. The tea was again the second brew and again in her own tea-pot.
"My goodness, how he sleeps!" she cried
indignantly. "And he is always asleep."
He got up with an effort. His head ached, he stood
up, took a turn in his garret and sank back on the sofa again.
"Going to sleep again," cried Nastasya.
"Are you ill, eh?"
He made no reply.
"Do you want some tea?"
"Afterwards," he said with an effort,
closing his eyes again and turning to the wall.
Nastasya stood over him.
"Perhaps he really is ill," she said,
turned and went out. She came in again at two o'clock with soup. He was
lying as before. The tea stood untouched. Nastasya felt positively
offended and began wrathfully rousing him.
"Why are you lying like a log?" she
shouted, looking at him with repulsion.
He got up, and sat down again, but said nothing
and stared at the floor.
"Are you ill or not?" asked Nastasya and
again received no answer. "You'd better go out and get a breath of
air," she said after a pause. "Will you eat it or not?"
"Afterwards," he said weakly. "You
can go."
And he motioned her out.
She remained a little longer, looked at him with
compassion and went out.
A few minutes afterwards, he raised his eyes and
looked for a long while at the tea and the soup. Then he took the bread,
took up a spoon and began to eat.
He ate a little, three or four spoonfuls, without
appetite, as it were mechanically. His head ached less. After his meal
he stretched himself on the sofa again, but now he could not sleep; he
lay without stirring, with his face in the pillow. He was haunted by
day-dreams and such strange day-dreams; in one, that kept recurring, he
fancied that he was in Africa, in Egypt, in some sort of oasis. The
caravan was resting, the camels were peacefully lying down; the palms
stood all around in a complete circle; all the party were at dinner. But
he was drinking water from a spring which flowed gurgling close by. And
it was so cool, it was wonderful, wonderful, blue, cold water running
among the parti-coloured stones and over the clean sand which glistened
here and there like gold.... Suddenly he heard a clock strike. He
started, roused himself, raised his head, looked out of the window, and
seeing how late it was, suddenly jumped up wide awake as though someone
had pulled him off the sofa. He crept on tiptoe to the door, stealthily
opened it and began listening on the staircase. His heart beat terribly.
But all was quiet on the stairs as if everyone was asleep.... It seemed
to him strange and monstrous that he could have slept in such
forgetfulness from the previous day and had done nothing, had prepared
nothing yet.... And meanwhile perhaps it had struck six. And his
drowsiness and stupefaction were followed by an extraordinary, feverish,
as it were distracted haste. But the preparations to be made were few.
He concentrated all his energies on thinking of everything and
forgetting nothing; and his heart kept beating and thumping so that he
could hardly breathe. First he had to make a noose and sew it into his
overcoat—a work of a moment. He rummaged under his pillow and picked
out amongst the linen stuffed away under it, a worn out, old unwashed
shirt. From its rags he tore a long strip, a couple of inches wide and
about sixteen inches long. He folded this strip in two, took off his
wide, strong summer overcoat of some stout cotton material (his only
outer garment) and began sewing the two ends of the rag on the inside,
under the left armhole. His hands shook as he sewed, but he did it
successfully so that nothing showed outside when he put the coat on
again. The needle and thread he had got ready long before and they lay
on his table in a piece of paper. As for the noose, it was a very
ingenious device of his own; the noose was intended for the axe. It was
impossible for him to carry the axe through the street in his hands. And
if hidden under his coat he would still have had to support it with his
hand, which would have been noticeable. Now he had only to put the head
of the axe in the noose, and it would hang quietly under his arm on the
inside. Putting his hand in his coat pocket, he could hold the end of
the handle all the way, so that it did not swing; and as the coat was
very full, a regular sack in fact, it could not be seen from outside
that he was holding something with the hand that was in the pocket. This
noose, too, he had designed a fortnight before.
When he had finished with this, he thrust his hand
into a little opening between his sofa and the floor, fumbled in the
left corner and drew out the pledge, which he had got ready long
before and hidden there. This pledge was, however, only a smoothly
planed piece of wood the size and thickness of a silver cigarette case.
He picked up this piece of wood in one of his wanderings in a courtyard
where there was some sort of a workshop. Afterwards he had added to the
wood a thin smooth piece of iron, which he had also picked up at the
same time in the street. Putting the iron which was a little the smaller
on the piece of wood, he fastened them very firmly, crossing and
re-crossing the thread round them; then wrapped them carefully and
daintily in clean white paper and tied up the parcel so that it would be
very difficult to untie it. This was in order to divert the attention of
the old woman for a time, while she was trying to undo the knot, and so
to gain a moment. The iron strip was added to give weight, so that the
woman might not guess the first minute that the "thing" was
made of wood. All this had been stored by him beforehand under the sofa.
He had only just got the pledge out when he heard someone suddenly about
in the yard.
"It struck six long ago."
"Long ago! My God!"
He rushed to the door, listened, caught up his hat
and began to descend his thirteen steps cautiously, noiselessly, like a
cat. He had still the most important thing to do—to steal the axe from
the kitchen. That the deed must be done with an axe he had decided long
ago. He had also a pocket pruning-knife, but he could not rely on the
knife and still less on his own strength, and so resolved finally on the
axe. We may note in passing, one peculiarity in regard to all the final
resolutions taken by him in the matter; they had one strange
characteristic: the more final they were, the more hideous and the more
absurd they at once became in his eyes. In spite of all his agonising
inward struggle, he never for a single instant all that time could
believe in the carrying out of his plans.
And, indeed, if it had ever happened that
everything to the least point could have been considered and finally
settled, and no uncertainty of any kind had remained, he would, it
seems, have renounced it all as something absurd, monstrous and
impossible. But a whole mass of unsettled points and uncertainties
remained. As for getting the axe, that trifling business cost him no
anxiety, for nothing could be easier. Nastasya was continually out of
the house, especially in the evenings; she would run in to the
neighbours or to a shop, and always left the door ajar. It was the one
thing the landlady was always scolding her about. And so, when the time
came, he would only have to go quietly into the kitchen and to take the
axe, and an hour later (when everything was over) go in and put it back
again. But these were doubtful points. Supposing he returned an hour
later to put it back, and Nastasya had come back and was on the spot. He
would of course have to go by and wait till she went out again. But
supposing she were in the meantime to miss the axe, look for it, make an
outcry—that would mean suspicion or at least grounds for suspicion.
But those were all trifles which he had not even
begun to consider, and indeed he had no time. He was thinking of the
chief point, and put off trifling details, until he could believe in
it all. But that seemed utterly unattainable. So it seemed to
himself at least. He could not imagine, for instance, that he would
sometime leave off thinking, get up and simply go there.... Even his
late experiment (i.e. his visit with the object of a final survey of the
place) was simply an attempt at an experiment, far from being the real
thing, as though one should say "come, let us go and try it—why
dream about it!"—and at once he had broken down and had run away
cursing, in a frenzy with himself. Meanwhile it would seem, as regards
the moral question, that his analysis was complete; his casuistry had
become keen as a razor, and he could not find rational objections in
himself. But in the last resort he simply ceased to believe in himself,
and doggedly, slavishly sought arguments in all directions, fumbling for
them, as though someone were forcing and drawing him to it.
At first—long before indeed—he had been much
occupied with one question; why almost all crimes are so badly concealed
and so easily detected, and why almost all criminals leave such obvious
traces? He had come gradually to many different and curious conclusions,
and in his opinion the chief reason lay not so much in the material
impossibility of concealing the crime, as in the criminal himself.
Almost every criminal is subject to a failure of will and reasoning
power by a childish and phenomenal heedlessness, at the very instant
when prudence and caution are most essential. It was his conviction that
this eclipse of reason and failure of will power attacked a man like a
disease, developed gradually and reached its highest point just before
the perpetration of the crime, continued with equal violence at the
moment of the crime and for longer or shorter time after, according to
the individual case, and then passed off like any other disease. The
question whether the disease gives rise to the crime, or whether the
crime from its own peculiar nature is always accompanied by something of
the nature of disease, he did not yet feel able to decide.
When he reached these conclusions, he decided that
in his own case there could not be such a morbid reaction, that his
reason and will would remain unimpaired at the time of carrying out his
design, for the simple reason that his design was "not a
crime...." We will omit all the process by means of which he
arrived at this last conclusion; we have run too far ahead already....
We may add only that the practical, purely material difficulties of the
affair occupied a secondary position in his mind. "One has but to
keep all one's will-power and reason to deal with them, and they will
all be overcome at the time when once one has familiarised oneself with
the minutest details of the business...." But this preparation had
never been begun. His final decisions were what he came to trust least,
and when the hour struck, it all came to pass quite differently, as it
were accidentally and unexpectedly.
One trifling circumstance upset his calculations,
before he had even left the staircase. When he reached the landlady's
kitchen, the door of which was open as usual, he glanced cautiously in
to see whether, in Nastasya's absence, the landlady herself was there,
or if not, whether the door to her own room was closed, so that she
might not peep out when he went in for the axe. But what was his
amazement when he suddenly saw that Nastasya was not only at home in the
kitchen, but was occupied there, taking linen out of a basket and
hanging it on a line. Seeing him, she left off hanging the clothes,
turned to him and stared at him all the time he was passing. He turned
away his eyes, and walked past as though he noticed nothing. But it was
the end of everything; he had not the axe! He was overwhelmed.
"What made me think," he reflected, as
he went under the gateway, "what made me think that she would be
sure not to be at home at that moment! Why, why, why did I assume this
so certainly?"
He was crushed and even humiliated. He could have
laughed at himself in his anger.... A dull animal rage boiled within
him.
He stood hesitating in the gateway. To go into the
street, to go a walk for appearance' sake was revolting; to go back to
his room, even more revolting. "And what a chance I have lost for
ever!" he muttered, standing aimlessly in the gateway, just
opposite the porter's little dark room, which was also open. Suddenly he
started. From the porter's room, two paces away from him, something
shining under the bench to the right caught his eye.... He looked about
him—nobody. He approached the room on tiptoe, went down two steps into
it and in a faint voice called the porter. "Yes, not at home!
Somewhere near though, in the yard, for the door is wide open." He
dashed to the axe (it was an axe) and pulled it out from under the
bench, where it lay between two chunks of wood; at once, before going
out, he made it fast in the noose, he thrust both hands into his pockets
and went out of the room; no one had noticed him! "When reason
fails, the devil helps!" he thought with a strange grin. This
chance raised his spirits extraordinarily.
He walked along quietly and sedately, without
hurry, to avoid awakening suspicion. He scarcely looked at the
passers-by, tried to escape looking at their faces at all, and to be as
little noticeable as possible. Suddenly he thought of his hat.
"Good heavens! I had the money the day before yesterday and did not
get a cap to wear instead!" A curse rose from the bottom of his
soul.
Glancing out of the corner of his eye into a shop,
he saw by a clock on the wall that it was ten minutes past seven. He had
to make haste and at the same time to go someway round, so as to
approach the house from the other side....
When he had happened to imagine all this
beforehand, he had sometimes thought that he would be very much afraid.
But he was not very much afraid now, was not afraid at all, indeed. His
mind was even occupied by irrelevant matters, but by nothing for long.
As he passed the Yusupov garden, he was deeply absorbed in considering
the building of great fountains, and of their refreshing effect on the
atmosphere in all the squares. By degrees he passed to the conviction
that if the summer garden were extended to the field of Mars, and
perhaps joined to the garden of the Mihailovsky Palace, it would be a
splendid thing and a great benefit to the town. Then he was interested
by the question why in all great towns men are not simply driven by
necessity, but in some peculiar way inclined to live in those parts of
the town where there are no gardens nor fountains; where there is most
dirt and smell and all sorts of nastiness. Then his own walks through
the Hay Market came back to his mind, and for a moment he waked up to
reality. "What nonsense!" he thought, "better think of
nothing at all!"
"So probably men led to execution clutch
mentally at every object that meets them on the way," flashed
through his mind, but simply flashed, like lightning; he made haste to
dismiss this thought.... And by now he was near; here was the house,
here was the gate. Suddenly a clock somewhere struck once. "What!
can it be half-past seven? Impossible, it must be fast!"
Luckily for him, everything went well again at the
gates. At that very moment, as though expressly for his benefit, a huge
waggon of hay had just driven in at the gate, completely screening him
as he passed under the gateway, and the waggon had scarcely had time to
drive through into the yard, before he had slipped in a flash to the
right. On the other side of the waggon he could hear shouting and
quarrelling; but no one noticed him and no one met him. Many windows
looking into that huge quadrangular yard were open at that moment, but
he did not raise his head—he had not the strength to. The staircase
leading to the old woman's room was close by, just on the right of the
gateway. He was already on the stairs....
Drawing a breath, pressing his hand against his
throbbing heart, and once more feeling for the axe and setting it
straight, he began softly and cautiously ascending the stairs, listening
every minute. But the stairs, too, were quite deserted; all the doors
were shut; he met no one. One flat indeed on the first floor was wide
open and painters were at work in it, but they did not glance at him. He
stood still, thought a minute and went on. "Of course it would be
better if they had not been here, but... it's two storeys above
them."
And there was the fourth storey, here was the
door, here was the flat opposite, the empty one. The flat underneath the
old woman's was apparently empty also; the visiting card nailed on the
door had been torn off—they had gone away!... He was out of breath.
For one instant the thought floated through his mind "Shall I go
back?" But he made no answer and began listening at the old woman's
door, a dead silence. Then he listened again on the staircase, listened
long and intently... then looked about him for the last time, pulled
himself together, drew himself up, and once more tried the axe in the
noose. "Am I very pale?" he wondered. "Am I not evidently
agitated? She is mistrustful.... Had I better wait a little longer...
till my heart leaves off thumping?"
But his heart did not leave off. On the contrary,
as though to spite him, it throbbed more and more violently. He could
stand it no longer, he slowly put out his hand to the bell and rang.
Half a minute later he rang again, more loudly.
No answer. To go on ringing was useless and out of
place. The old woman was, of course, at home, but she was suspicious and
alone. He had some knowledge of her habits... and once more he put his
ear to the door. Either his senses were peculiarly keen (which it is
difficult to suppose), or the sound was really very distinct. Anyway, he
suddenly heard something like the cautious touch of a hand on the lock
and the rustle of a skirt at the very door. Someone was standing
stealthily close to the lock and just as he was doing on the outside was
secretly listening within, and seemed to have her ear to the door.... He
moved a little on purpose and muttered something aloud that he might not
have the appearance of hiding, then rang a third time, but quietly,
soberly, and without impatience, Recalling it afterwards, that moment
stood out in his mind vividly, distinctly, for ever; he could not make
out how he had had such cunning, for his mind was as it were clouded at
moments and he was almost unconscious of his body.... An instant later
he heard the latch unfastened.
CHAPTER VII
The door was as before opened a tiny crack, and
again two sharp and suspicious eyes stared at him out of the darkness.
Then Raskolnikov lost his head and nearly made a great mistake.
Fearing the old woman would be frightened by their
being alone, and not hoping that the sight of him would disarm her
suspicions, he took hold of the door and drew it towards him to prevent
the old woman from attempting to shut it again. Seeing this she did not
pull the door back, but she did not let go the handle so that he almost
dragged her out with it on to the stairs. Seeing that she was standing
in the doorway not allowing him to pass, he advanced straight upon her.
She stepped back in alarm, tried to say something, but seemed unable to
speak and stared with open eyes at him.
"Good evening, Alyona Ivanovna," he
began, trying to speak easily, but his voice would not obey him, it
broke and shook. "I have come... I have brought something... but
we'd better come in... to the light...."
And leaving her, he passed straight into the room
uninvited. The old woman ran after him; her tongue was unloosed.
"Good heavens! What it is? Who is it? What do
you want?"
"Why, Alyona Ivanovna, you know me...
Raskolnikov... here, I brought you the pledge I promised the other
day..." And he held out the pledge.
The old woman glanced for a moment at the pledge,
but at once stared in the eyes of her uninvited visitor. She looked
intently, maliciously and mistrustfully. A minute passed; he even
fancied something like a sneer in her eyes, as though she had already
guessed everything. He felt that he was losing his head, that he was
almost frightened, so frightened that if she were to look like that and
not say a word for another half minute, he thought he would have run
away from her.
"Why do you look at me as though you did not
know me?" he said suddenly, also with malice. "Take it if you
like, if not I'll go elsewhere, I am in a hurry."
He had not even thought of saying this, but it was
suddenly said of itself. The old woman recovered herself, and her
visitor's resolute tone evidently restored her confidence.
"But why, my good sir, all of a minute....
What is it?" she asked, looking at the pledge.
"The silver cigarette case; I spoke of it
last time, you know."
She held out her hand.
"But how pale you are, to be sure... and your
hands are trembling too? Have you been bathing, or what?"
"Fever," he answered abruptly. "You
can't help getting pale... if you've nothing to eat," he added,
with difficulty articulating the words.
His strength was failing him again. But his answer
sounded like the truth; the old woman took the pledge.
"What is it?" she asked once more,
scanning Raskolnikov intently, and weighing the pledge in her hand.
"A thing... cigarette case.... Silver....
Look at it."
"It does not seem somehow like silver.... How
he has wrapped it up!"
Trying to untie the string and turning to the
window, to the light (all her windows were shut, in spite of the
stifling heat), she left him altogether for some seconds and stood with
her back to him. He unbuttoned his coat and freed the axe from the
noose, but did not yet take it out altogether, simply holding it in his
right hand under the coat. His hands were fearfully weak, he felt them
every moment growing more numb and more wooden. He was afraid he would
let the axe slip and fall.... A sudden giddiness came over him.
"But what has he tied it up like this
for?" the old woman cried with vexation and moved towards him.
He had not a minute more to lose. He pulled the
axe quite out, swung it with both arms, scarcely conscious of himself,
and almost without effort, almost mechanically, brought the blunt side
down on her head. He seemed not to use his own strength in this. But as
soon as he had once brought the axe down, his strength returned to him.
The old woman was as always bareheaded. Her thin,
light hair, streaked with grey, thickly smeared with grease, was plaited
in a rat's tail and fastened by a broken horn comb which stood out on
the nape of her neck. As she was so short, the blow fell on the very top
of her skull. She cried out, but very faintly, and suddenly sank all of
a heap on the floor, raising her hands to her head. In one hand she
still held "the pledge." Then he dealt her another and another
blow with the blunt side and on the same spot. The blood gushed as from
an overturned glass, the body fell back. He stepped back, let it fall,
and at once bent over her face; she was dead. Her eyes seemed to be
starting out of their sockets, the brow and the whole face were drawn
and contorted convulsively.
He laid the axe on the ground near the dead body
and felt at once in her pocket (trying to avoid the streaming
body)—the same right-hand pocket from which she had taken the key on
his last visit. He was in full possession of his faculties, free from
confusion or giddiness, but his hands were still trembling. He
remembered afterwards that he had been particularly collected and
careful, trying all the time not to get smeared with blood.... He pulled
out the keys at once, they were all, as before, in one bunch on a steel
ring. He ran at once into the bedroom with them. It was a very small
room with a whole shrine of holy images. Against the other wall stood a
big bed, very clean and covered with a silk patchwork wadded quilt.
Against a third wall was a chest of drawers. Strange to say, so soon as
he began to fit the keys into the chest, so soon as he heard their
jingling, a convulsive shudder passed over him. He suddenly felt tempted
again to give it all up and go away. But that was only for an instant;
it was too late to go back. He positively smiled at himself, when
suddenly another terrifying idea occurred to his mind. He suddenly
fancied that the old woman might be still alive and might recover her
senses. Leaving the keys in the chest, he ran back to the body, snatched
up the axe and lifted it once more over the old woman, but did not bring
it down. There was no doubt that she was dead. Bending down and
examining her again more closely, he saw clearly that the skull was
broken and even battered in on one side. He was about to feel it with
his finger, but drew back his hand and indeed it was evident without
that. Meanwhile there was a perfect pool of blood. All at once he
noticed a string on her neck; he tugged at it, but the string was strong
and did not snap and besides, it was soaked with blood. He tried to pull
it out from the front of the dress, but something held it and prevented
its coming. In his impatience he raised the axe again to cut the string
from above on the body, but did not dare, and with difficulty, smearing
his hand and the axe in the blood, after two minutes' hurried effort, he
cut the string and took it off without touching the body with the axe;
he was not mistaken—it was a purse. On the string were two crosses,
one of Cyprus wood and one of copper, and an image in silver filigree,
and with them a small greasy chamois leather purse with a steel rim and
ring. The purse was stuffed very full; Raskolnikov thrust it in his
pocket without looking at it, flung the crosses on the old woman's body
and rushed back into the bedroom, this time taking the axe with him.
He was in terrible haste, he snatched the keys,
and began trying them again. But he was unsuccessful. They would not fit
in the locks. It was not so much that his hands were shaking, but that
he kept making mistakes; though he saw for instance that a key was not
the right one and would not fit, still he tried to put it in. Suddenly
he remembered and realised that the big key with the deep notches, which
was hanging there with the small keys could not possibly belong to the
chest of drawers (on his last visit this had struck him), but to some
strong box, and that everything perhaps was hidden in that box. He left
the chest of drawers, and at once felt under the bedstead, knowing that
old women usually keep boxes under their beds. And so it was; there was
a good-sized box under the bed, at least a yard in length, with an
arched lid covered with red leather and studded with steel nails. The
notched key fitted at once and unlocked it. At the top, under a white
sheet, was a coat of red brocade lined with hareskin; under it was a
silk dress, then a shawl and it seemed as though there was nothing below
but clothes. The first thing he did was to wipe his blood-stained hands
on the red brocade. "It's red, and on red blood will be less
noticeable," the thought passed through his mind; then he suddenly
came to himself. "Good God, am I going out of my senses?" he
thought with terror.
But no sooner did he touch the clothes than a gold
watch slipped from under the fur coat. He made haste to turn them all
over. There turned out to be various articles made of gold among the
clothes—probably all pledges, unredeemed or waiting to be
redeemed—bracelets, chains, ear-rings, pins and such things. Some were
in cases, others simply wrapped in newspaper, carefully and exactly
folded, and tied round with tape. Without any delay, he began filling up
the pockets of his trousers and overcoat without examining or undoing
the parcels and cases; but he had not time to take many....
He suddenly heard steps in the room where the old
woman lay. He stopped short and was still as death. But all was quiet,
so it must have been his fancy. All at once he heard distinctly a faint
cry, as though someone had uttered a low broken moan. Then again dead
silence for a minute or two. He sat squatting on his heels by the box
and waited holding his breath. Suddenly he jumped up, seized the axe and
ran out of the bedroom.
In the middle of the room stood Lizaveta with a
big bundle in her arms. She was gazing in stupefaction at her murdered
sister, white as a sheet and seeming not to have the strength to cry
out. Seeing him run out of the bedroom, she began faintly quivering all
over, like a leaf, a shudder ran down her face; she lifted her hand,
opened her mouth, but still did not scream. She began slowly backing
away from him into the corner, staring intently, persistently at him,
but still uttered no sound, as though she could not get breath to
scream. He rushed at her with the axe; her mouth twitched piteously, as
one sees babies' mouths, when they begin to be frightened, stare
intently at what frightens them and are on the point of screaming. And
this hapless Lizaveta was so simple and had been so thoroughly crushed
and scared that she did not even raise a hand to guard her face, though
that was the most necessary and natural action at the moment, for the
axe was raised over her face. She only put up her empty left hand, but
not to her face, slowly holding it out before her as though motioning
him away. The axe fell with the sharp edge just on the skull and split
at one blow all the top of the head. She fell heavily at once.
Raskolnikov completely lost his head, snatching up her bundle, dropped
it again and ran into the entry.
Fear gained more and more mastery over him,
especially after this second, quite unexpected murder. He longed to run
away from the place as fast as possible. And if at that moment he had
been capable of seeing and reasoning more correctly, if he had been able
to realise all the difficulties of his position, the hopelessness, the
hideousness and the absurdity of it, if he could have understood how
many obstacles and, perhaps, crimes he had still to overcome or to
commit, to get out of that place and to make his way home, it is very
possible that he would have flung up everything, and would have gone to
give himself up, and not from fear, but from simple horror and loathing
of what he had done. The feeling of loathing especially surged up within
him and grew stronger every minute. He would not now have gone to the
box or even into the room for anything in the world.
But a sort of blankness, even dreaminess, had
begun by degrees to take possession of him; at moments he forgot
himself, or rather, forgot what was of importance, and caught at
trifles. Glancing, however, into the kitchen and seeing a bucket half
full of water on a bench, he bethought him of washing his hands and the
axe. His hands were sticky with blood. He dropped the axe with the blade
in the water, snatched a piece of soap that lay in a broken saucer on
the window, and began washing his hands in the bucket. When they were
clean, he took out the axe, washed the blade and spent a long time,
about three minutes, washing the wood where there were spots of blood
rubbing them with soap. Then he wiped it all with some linen that was
hanging to dry on a line in the kitchen and then he was a long while
attentively examining the axe at the window. There was no trace left on
it, only the wood was still damp. He carefully hung the axe in the noose
under his coat. Then as far as was possible, in the dim light in the
kitchen, he looked over his overcoat, his trousers and his boots. At the
first glance there seemed to be nothing but stains on the boots. He
wetted the rag and rubbed the boots. But he knew he was not looking
thoroughly, that there might be something quite noticeable that he was
overlooking. He stood in the middle of the room, lost in thought. Dark
agonising ideas rose in his mind—the idea that he was mad and that at
that moment he was incapable of reasoning, of protecting himself, that
he ought perhaps to be doing something utterly different from what he
was now doing. "Good God!" he muttered "I must fly,
fly," and he rushed into the entry. But here a shock of terror
awaited him such as he had never known before.
He stood and gazed and could not believe his eyes:
the door, the outer door from the stairs, at which he had not long
before waited and rung, was standing unfastened and at least six inches
open. No lock, no bolt, all the time, all that time! The old woman had
not shut it after him perhaps as a precaution. But, good God! Why, he
had seen Lizaveta afterwards! And how could he, how could he have failed
to reflect that she must have come in somehow! She could not have come
through the wall!
He dashed to the door and fastened the latch.
"But no, the wrong thing again! I must get
away, get away...."
He unfastened the latch, opened the door and began
listening on the staircase.
He listened a long time. Somewhere far away, it
might be in the gateway, two voices were loudly and shrilly shouting,
quarrelling and scolding. "What are they about?" He waited
patiently. At last all was still, as though suddenly cut off; they had
separated. He was meaning to go out, but suddenly, on the floor below, a
door was noisily opened and someone began going downstairs humming a
tune. "How is it they all make such a noise?" flashed through
his mind. Once more he closed the door and waited. At last all was
still, not a soul stirring. He was just taking a step towards the stairs
when he heard fresh footsteps.
The steps sounded very far off, at the very bottom
of the stairs, but he remembered quite clearly and distinctly that from
the first sound he began for some reason to suspect that this was
someone coming there, to the fourth floor, to the old woman. Why?
Were the sounds somehow peculiar, significant? The steps were heavy,
even and unhurried. Now he had passed the first floor, now he was
mounting higher, it was growing more and more distinct! He could hear
his heavy breathing. And now the third storey had been reached. Coming
here! And it seemed to him all at once that he was turned to stone, that
it was like a dream in which one is being pursued, nearly caught and
will be killed, and is rooted to the spot and cannot even move one's
arms.
At last when the unknown was mounting to the
fourth floor, he suddenly started, and succeeded in slipping neatly and
quickly back into the flat and closing the door behind him. Then he took
the hook and softly, noiselessly, fixed it in the catch. Instinct helped
him. When he had done this, he crouched holding his breath, by the door.
The unknown visitor was by now also at the door. They were now standing
opposite one another, as he had just before been standing with the old
woman, when the door divided them and he was listening.
The visitor panted several times. "He must be
a big, fat man," thought Raskolnikov, squeezing the axe in his
hand. It seemed like a dream indeed. The visitor took hold of the bell
and rang it loudly.
As soon as the tin bell tinkled, Raskolnikov
seemed to be aware of something moving in the room. For some seconds he
listened quite seriously. The unknown rang again, waited and suddenly
tugged violently and impatiently at the handle of the door. Raskolnikov
gazed in horror at the hook shaking in its fastening, and in blank
terror expected every minute that the fastening would be pulled out. It
certainly did seem possible, so violently was he shaking it. He was
tempted to hold the fastening, but he might be aware of it. A
giddiness came over him again. "I shall fall down!" flashed
through his mind, but the unknown began to speak and he recovered
himself at once.
"What's up? Are they asleep or murdered?
D-damn them!" he bawled in a thick voice, "Hey, Alyona
Ivanovna, old witch! Lizaveta Ivanovna, hey, my beauty! open the door!
Oh, damn them! Are they asleep or what?"
And again, enraged, he tugged with all his might a
dozen times at the bell. He must certainly be a man of authority and an
intimate acquaintance.
At this moment light hurried steps were heard not
far off, on the stairs. Someone else was approaching. Raskolnikov had
not heard them at first.
"You don't say there's no one at home,"
the new-comer cried in a cheerful, ringing voice, addressing the first
visitor, who still went on pulling the bell. "Good evening,
Koch."
"From his voice he must be quite young,"
thought Raskolnikov.
"Who the devil can tell? I've almost broken
the lock," answered Koch. "But how do you come to know me?
"Why! The day before yesterday I beat you
three times running at billiards at Gambrinus'."
"Oh!"
"So they are not at home? That's queer. It's
awfully stupid though. Where could the old woman have gone? I've come on
business."
"Yes; and I have business with her,
too."
"Well, what can we do? Go back, I suppose,
Aie—aie! And I was hoping to get some money!" cried the young
man.
"We must give it up, of course, but what did
she fix this time for? The old witch fixed the time for me to come
herself. It's out of my way. And where the devil she can have got to, I
can't make out. She sits here from year's end to year's end, the old
hag; her legs are bad and yet here all of a sudden she is out for a
walk!"
"Hadn't we better ask the porter?"
"What?"
"Where she's gone and when she'll be
back."
"Hm.... Damn it all!... We might ask.... But
you know she never does go anywhere."
And he once more tugged at the door-handle.
"Damn it all. There's nothing to be done, we
must go!"
"Stay!" cried the young man suddenly.
"Do you see how the door shakes if you pull it?"
"Well?"
"That shows it's not locked, but fastened
with the hook! Do you hear how the hook clanks?"
"Well?"
"Why, don't you see? That proves that one of
them is at home. If they were all out, they would have locked the door
from the outside with the key and not with the hook from inside. There,
do you hear how the hook is clanking? To fasten the hook on the inside
they must be at home, don't you see. So there they are sitting inside
and don't open the door!"
"Well! And so they must be!" cried Koch,
astonished. "What are they about in there?" And he began
furiously shaking the door.
"Stay!" cried the young man again.
"Don't pull at it! There must be something wrong.... Here, you've
been ringing and pulling at the door and still they don't open! So
either they've both fainted or..."
"What?"
"I tell you what. Let's go fetch the porter,
let him wake them up."
"All right."
Both were going down.
"Stay. You stop here while I run down for the
porter."
"What for?"
"Well, you'd better."
"All right."
"I'm studying the law you see! It's evident,
e-vi-dent there's something wrong here!" the young man cried hotly,
and he ran downstairs.
Koch remained. Once more he softly touched the
bell which gave one tinkle, then gently, as though reflecting and
looking about him, began touching the door-handle pulling it and letting
it go to make sure once more that it was only fastened by the hook. Then
puffing and panting he bent down and began looking at the keyhole: but
the key was in the lock on the inside and so nothing could be seen.
Raskolnikov stood keeping tight hold of the axe.
He was in a sort of delirium. He was even making ready to fight when
they should come in. While they were knocking and talking together, the
idea several times occurred to him to end it all at once and shout to
them through the door. Now and then he was tempted to swear at them, to
jeer at them, while they could not open the door! "Only make
haste!" was the thought that flashed through his mind.
"But what the devil is he about?..."
Time was passing, one minute, and another—no one came. Koch began to
be restless.
"What the devil?" he cried suddenly and
in impatience deserting his sentry duty, he, too, went down, hurrying
and thumping with his heavy boots on the stairs. The steps died away.
"Good heavens! What am I to do?"
Raskolnikov unfastened the hook, opened the
door—there was no sound. Abruptly, without any thought at all, he went
out, closing the door as thoroughly as he could, and went downstairs.
He had gone down three flights when he suddenly
heard a loud voice below—where could he go! There was nowhere to hide.
He was just going back to the flat.
"Hey there! Catch the brute!"
Somebody dashed out of a flat below, shouting, and
rather fell than ran down the stairs, bawling at the top of his voice.
"Mitka! Mitka! Mitka! Mitka! Mitka! Blast
him!"
The shout ended in a shriek; the last sounds came
from the yard; all was still. But at the same instant several men
talking loud and fast began noisily mounting the stairs. There were
three or four of them. He distinguished the ringing voice of the young
man. "They!"
Filled with despair he went straight to meet them,
feeling "come what must!" If they stopped him—all was lost;
if they let him pass—all was lost too; they would remember him. They
were approaching; they were only a flight from him—and suddenly
deliverance! A few steps from him on the right, there was an empty flat
with the door wide open, the flat on the second floor where the painters
had been at work, and which, as though for his benefit, they had just
left. It was they, no doubt, who had just run down, shouting. The floor
had only just been painted, in the middle of the room stood a pail and a
broken pot with paint and brushes. In one instant he had whisked in at
the open door and hidden behind the wall and only in the nick of time;
they had already reached the landing. Then they turned and went on up to
the fourth floor, talking loudly. He waited, went out on tiptoe and ran
down the stairs.
No one was on the stairs, nor in the gateway. He
passed quickly through the gateway and turned to the left in the street.
He knew, he knew perfectly well that at that
moment they were at the flat, that they were greatly astonished at
finding it unlocked, as the door had just been fastened, that by now
they were looking at the bodies, that before another minute had passed
they would guess and completely realise that the murderer had just been
there, and had succeeded in hiding somewhere, slipping by them and
escaping. They would guess most likely that he had been in the empty
flat, while they were going upstairs. And meanwhile he dared not quicken
his pace much, though the next turning was still nearly a hundred yards
away. "Should he slip through some gateway and wait somewhere in an
unknown street? No, hopeless! Should he fling away the axe? Should he
take a cab? Hopeless, hopeless!"
At last he reached the turning. He turned down it
more dead than alive. Here he was half way to safety, and he understood
it; it was less risky because there was a great crowd of people, and he
was lost in it like a grain of sand. But all he had suffered had so
weakened him that he could scarcely move. Perspiration ran down him in
drops, his neck was all wet. "My word, he has been going it!"
someone shouted at him when he came out on the canal bank.
He was only dimly conscious of himself now, and
the farther he went the worse it was. He remembered however, that on
coming out on to the canal bank, he was alarmed at finding few people
there and so being more conspicuous, and he had thought of turning back.
Though he was almost falling from fatigue, he went a long way round so
as to get home from quite a different direction.
He was not fully conscious when he passed through
the gateway of his house! he was already on the staircase before he
recollected the axe. And yet he had a very grave problem before him, to
put it back and to escape observation as far as possible in doing so. He
was of course incapable of reflecting that it might perhaps be far
better not to restore the axe at all, but to drop it later on in
somebody's yard. But it all happened fortunately, the door of the
porter's room was closed but not locked, so that it seemed most likely
that the porter was at home. But he had so completely lost all power of
reflection that he walked straight to the door and opened it. If the
porter had asked him, "What do you want?" he would perhaps
have simply handed him the axe. But again the porter was not at home,
and he succeeded in putting the axe back under the bench, and even
covering it with the chunk of wood as before. He met no one, not a soul,
afterwards on the way to his room; the landlady's door was shut. When he
was in his room, he flung himself on the sofa just as he was—he did
not sleep, but sank into blank forgetfulness. If anyone had come into
his room then, he would have jumped up at once and screamed. Scraps and
shreds of thoughts were simply swarming in his brain, but he could not
catch at one, he could not rest on one, in spite of all his efforts....
PART II
CHAPTER I
So he lay a very long while. Now and then he
seemed to wake up, and at such moments he noticed that it was far into
the night, but it did not occur to him to get up. At last he noticed
that it was beginning to get light. He was lying on his back, still
dazed from his recent oblivion. Fearful, despairing cries rose shrilly
from the street, sounds which he heard every night, indeed, under his
window after two o'clock. They woke him up now.
"Ah! the drunken men are coming out of the
taverns," he thought, "it's past two o'clock," and at
once he leaped up, as though someone had pulled him from the sofa.
"What! Past two o'clock!"
He sat down on the sofa—and instantly
recollected everything! All at once, in one flash, he recollected
everything.
For the first moment he thought he was going mad.
A dreadful chill came over him; but the chill was from the fever that
had begun long before in his sleep. Now he was suddenly taken with
violent shivering, so that his teeth chattered and all his limbs were
shaking. He opened the door and began listening—everything in the
house was asleep. With amazement he gazed at himself and everything in
the room around him, wondering how he could have come in the night
before without fastening the door, and have flung himself on the sofa
without undressing, without even taking his hat off. It had fallen off
and was lying on the floor near his pillow.
"If anyone had come in, what would he have
thought? That I'm drunk but..."
He rushed to the window. There was light enough,
and he began hurriedly looking himself all over from head to foot, all
his clothes; were there no traces? But there was no doing it like that;
shivering with cold, he began taking off everything and looking over
again. He turned everything over to the last threads and rags, and
mistrusting himself, went through his search three times.
But there seemed to be nothing, no trace, except
in one place, where some thick drops of congealed blood were clinging to
the frayed edge of his trousers. He picked up a big claspknife and cut
off the frayed threads. There seemed to be nothing more.
Suddenly he remembered that the purse and the
things he had taken out of the old woman's box were still in his
pockets! He had not thought till then of taking them out and hiding
them! He had not even thought of them while he was examining his
clothes! What next? Instantly he rushed to take them out and fling them
on the table. When he had pulled out everything, and turned the pocket
inside out to be sure there was nothing left, he carried the whole heap
to the corner. The paper had come off the bottom of the wall and hung
there in tatters. He began stuffing all the things into the hole under
the paper: "They're in! All out of sight, and the purse too!"
he thought gleefully, getting up and gazing blankly at the hole which
bulged out more than ever. Suddenly he shuddered all over with horror;
"My God!" he whispered in despair: "what's the matter
with me? Is that hidden? Is that the way to hide things?"
He had not reckoned on having trinkets to hide. He
had only thought of money, and so had not prepared a hiding-place.
"But now, now, what am I glad of?" he
thought, "Is that hiding things? My reason's deserting
me—simply!"
He sat down on the sofa in exhaustion and was at
once shaken by another unbearable fit of shivering. Mechanically he drew
from a chair beside him his old student's winter coat, which was still
warm though almost in rags, covered himself up with it and once more
sank into drowsiness and delirium. He lost consciousness.
Not more than five minutes had passed when he
jumped up a second time, and at once pounced in a frenzy on his clothes
again.
"How could I go to sleep again with nothing
done? Yes, yes; I have not taken the loop off the armhole! I forgot it,
forgot a thing like that! Such a piece of evidence!"
He pulled off the noose, hurriedly cut it to
pieces and threw the bits among his linen under the pillow.
"Pieces of torn linen couldn't rouse
suspicion, whatever happened; I think not, I think not, any way!"
he repeated, standing in the middle of the room, and with painful
concentration he fell to gazing about him again, at the floor and
everywhere, trying to make sure he had not forgotten anything. The
conviction that all his faculties, even memory, and the simplest power
of reflection were failing him, began to be an insufferable torture.
"Surely it isn't beginning already! Surely it
isn't my punishment coming upon me? It is!"
The frayed rags he had cut off his trousers were
actually lying on the floor in the middle of the room, where anyone
coming in would see them!
"What is the matter with me!" he cried
again, like one distraught.
Then a strange idea entered his head; that,
perhaps, all his clothes were covered with blood, that, perhaps, there
were a great many stains, but that he did not see them, did not notice
them because his perceptions were failing, were going to pieces... his
reason was clouded.... Suddenly he remembered that there had been blood
on the purse too. "Ah! Then there must be blood on the pocket too,
for I put the wet purse in my pocket!"
In a flash he had turned the pocket inside out
and, yes!—there were traces, stains on the lining of the pocket!
"So my reason has not quite deserted me, so I
still have some sense and memory, since I guessed it of myself," he
thought triumphantly, with a deep sigh of relief; "it's simply the
weakness of fever, a moment's delirium," and he tore the whole
lining out of the left pocket of his trousers. At that instant the
sunlight fell on his left boot; on the sock which poked out from the
boot, he fancied there were traces! He flung off his boots; "traces
indeed! The tip of the sock was soaked with blood;" he must have
unwarily stepped into that pool.... "But what am I to do with this
now? Where am I to put the sock and rags and pocket?"
He gathered them all up in his hands and stood in
the middle of the room.
"In the stove? But they would ransack the
stove first of all. Burn them? But what can I burn them with? There are
no matches even. No, better go out and throw it all away somewhere. Yes,
better throw it away," he repeated, sitting down on the sofa again,
"and at once, this minute, without lingering..."
But his head sank on the pillow instead. Again the
unbearable icy shivering came over him; again he drew his coat over him.
And for a long while, for some hours, he was
haunted by the impulse to "go off somewhere at once, this moment,
and fling it all away, so that it may be out of sight and done with, at
once, at once!" Several times he tried to rise from the sofa, but
could not.
He was thoroughly waked up at last by a violent
knocking at his door.
"Open, do, are you dead or alive? He keeps
sleeping here!" shouted Nastasya, banging with her fist on the
door. "For whole days together he's snoring here like a dog! A dog
he is too. Open I tell you. It's past ten."
"Maybe he's not at home," said a man's
voice.
"Ha! that's the porter's voice.... What does
he want?"
He jumped up and sat on the sofa. The beating of
his heart was a positive pain.
"Then who can have latched the door?"
retorted Nastasya. "He's taken to bolting himself in! As if he were
worth stealing! Open, you stupid, wake up!"
"What do they want? Why the porter? All's
discovered. Resist or open? Come what may!..."
He half rose, stooped forward and unlatched the
door.
His room was so small that he could undo the latch
without leaving the bed. Yes; the porter and Nastasya were standing
there.
Nastasya stared at him in a strange way. He
glanced with a defiant and desperate air at the porter, who without a
word held out a grey folded paper sealed with bottle-wax.
"A notice from the office," he
announced, as he gave him the paper.
"From what office?"
"A summons to the police office, of course.
You know which office."
"To the police?... What for?..."
"How can I tell? You're sent for, so you
go."
The man looked at him attentively, looked round
the room and turned to go away.
"He's downright ill!" observed Nastasya,
not taking her eyes off him. The porter turned his head for a moment.
"He's been in a fever since yesterday," she added.
Raskolnikov made no response and held the paper in
his hands, without opening it. "Don't you get up then,"
Nastasya went on compassionately, seeing that he was letting his feet
down from the sofa. "You're ill, and so don't go; there's no such
hurry. What have you got there?"
He looked; in his right hand he held the shreds he
had cut from his trousers, the sock, and the rags of the pocket. So he
had been asleep with them in his hand. Afterwards reflecting upon it, he
remembered that half waking up in his fever, he had grasped all this
tightly in his hand and so fallen asleep again.
"Look at the rags he's collected and sleeps
with them, as though he has got hold of a treasure..."
And Nastasya went off into her hysterical giggle.
Instantly he thrust them all under his great coat
and fixed his eyes intently upon her. Far as he was from being capable
of rational reflection at that moment, he felt that no one would behave
like that with a person who was going to be arrested. "But... the
police?"
"You'd better have some tea! Yes? I'll bring
it, there's some left."
"No... I'm going; I'll go at once," he
muttered, getting on to his feet.
"Why, you'll never get downstairs!"
"Yes, I'll go."
"As you please."
She followed the porter out.
At once he rushed to the light to examine the sock
and the rags.
"There are stains, but not very noticeable;
all covered with dirt, and rubbed and already discoloured. No one who
had no suspicion could distinguish anything. Nastasya from a distance
could not have noticed, thank God!" Then with a tremor he broke the
seal of the notice and began reading; he was a long while reading,
before he understood. It was an ordinary summons from the district
police-station to appear that day at half-past nine at the office of the
district superintendent.
"But when has such a thing happened? I never
have anything to do with the police! And why just to-day?" he
thought in agonising bewilderment. "Good God, only get it over
soon!"
He was flinging himself on his knees to pray, but
broke into laughter—not at the idea of prayer, but at himself.
He began, hurriedly dressing. "If I'm lost, I
am lost, I don't care! Shall I put the sock on?" he suddenly
wondered, "it will get dustier still and the traces will be
gone."
But no sooner had he put it on than he pulled it
off again in loathing and horror. He pulled it off, but reflecting that
he had no other socks, he picked it up and put it on again—and again
he laughed.
"That's all conventional, that's all
relative, merely a way of looking at it," he thought in a flash,
but only on the top surface of his mind, while he was shuddering all
over, "there, I've got it on! I have finished by getting it
on!"
But his laughter was quickly followed by despair.
"No, it's too much for me..." he
thought. His legs shook. "From fear," he muttered. His head
swam and ached with fever. "It's a trick! They want to decoy me
there and confound me over everything," he mused, as he went out on
to the stairs—"the worst of it is I'm almost light-headed... I
may blurt out something stupid..."
On the stairs he remembered that he was leaving
all the things just as they were in the hole in the wall, "and very
likely, it's on purpose to search when I'm out," he thought, and
stopped short. But he was possessed by such despair, such cynicism of
misery, if one may so call it, that with a wave of his hand he went on.
"Only to get it over!"
In the street the heat was insufferable again; not
a drop of rain had fallen all those days. Again dust, bricks and mortar,
again the stench from the shops and pot-houses, again the drunken men,
the Finnish pedlars and half-broken-down cabs. The sun shone straight in
his eyes, so that it hurt him to look out of them, and he felt his head
going round—as a man in a fever is apt to feel when he comes out into
the street on a bright sunny day.
When he reached the turning into the
street, in an agony of trepidation he looked down it... at the
house... and at once averted his eyes.
"If they question me, perhaps I'll simply
tell," he thought, as he drew near the police-station.
The police-station was about a quarter of a mile
off. It had lately been moved to new rooms on the fourth floor of a new
house. He had been once for a moment in the old office but long ago.
Turning in at the gateway, he saw on the right a flight of stairs which
a peasant was mounting with a book in his hand. "A house-porter, no
doubt; so then, the office is here," and he began ascending the
stairs on the chance. He did not want to ask questions of anyone.
"I'll go in, fall on my knees, and confess
everything..." he thought, as he reached the fourth floor.
The staircase was steep, narrow and all sloppy
with dirty water. The kitchens of the flats opened on to the stairs and
stood open almost the whole day. So there was a fearful smell and heat.
The staircase was crowded with porters going up and down with their
books under their arms, policemen, and persons of all sorts and both
sexes. The door of the office, too, stood wide open. Peasants stood
waiting within. There, too, the heat was stifling and there was a
sickening smell of fresh paint and stale oil from the newly decorated
rooms.
After waiting a little, he decided to move forward
into the next room. All the rooms were small and low-pitched. A fearful
impatience drew him on and on. No one paid attention to him. In the
second room some clerks sat writing, dressed hardly better than he was,
and rather a queer-looking set. He went up to one of them.
"What is it?"
He showed the notice he had received.
"You are a student?" the man asked,
glancing at the notice.
"Yes, formerly a student."
The clerk looked at him, but without the slightest
interest. He was a particularly unkempt person with the look of a fixed
idea in his eye.
"There would be no getting anything out of
him, because he has no interest in anything," thought Raskolnikov.
"Go in there to the head clerk," said
the clerk, pointing towards the furthest room.
He went into that room—the fourth in order; it
was a small room and packed full of people, rather better dressed than
in the outer rooms. Among them were two ladies. One, poorly dressed in
mourning, sat at the table opposite the chief clerk, writing something
at his dictation. The other, a very stout, buxom woman with a
purplish-red, blotchy face, excessively smartly dressed with a brooch on
her bosom as big as a saucer, was standing on one side, apparently
waiting for something. Raskolnikov thrust his notice upon the head
clerk. The latter glanced at it, said: "Wait a minute," and
went on attending to the lady in mourning.
He breathed more freely. "It can't be
that!"
By degrees he began to regain confidence, he kept
urging himself to have courage and be calm.
"Some foolishness, some trifling
carelessness, and I may betray myself! Hm... it's a pity there's no air
here," he added, "it's stifling.... It makes one's head
dizzier than ever... and one's mind too..."
He was conscious of a terrible inner turmoil. He
was afraid of losing his self-control; he tried to catch at something
and fix his mind on it, something quite irrelevant, but he could not
succeed in this at all. Yet the head clerk greatly interested him, he
kept hoping to see through him and guess something from his face.
He was a very young man, about two and twenty,
with a dark mobile face that looked older than his years. He was
fashionably dressed and foppish, with his hair parted in the middle,
well combed and pomaded, and wore a number of rings on his well-scrubbed
fingers and a gold chain on his waistcoat. He said a couple of words in
French to a foreigner who was in the room, and said them fairly
correctly.
"Luise Ivanovna, you can sit down," he
said casually to the gaily-dressed, purple-faced lady, who was still
standing as though not venturing to sit down, though there was a chair
beside her.
"Ich danke," said the latter, and
softly, with a rustle of silk she sank into the chair. Her light blue
dress trimmed with white lace floated about the table like an
air-balloon and filled almost half the room. She smelt of scent. But she
was obviously embarrassed at filling half the room and smelling so
strongly of scent; and though her smile was impudent as well as
cringing, it betrayed evident uneasiness.
The lady in mourning had done at last, and got up.
All at once, with some noise, an officer walked in very jauntily, with a
peculiar swing of his shoulders at each step. He tossed his cockaded cap
on the table and sat down in an easy-chair. The small lady positively
skipped from her seat on seeing him, and fell to curtsying in a sort of
ecstasy; but the officer took not the smallest notice of her, and she
did not venture to sit down again in his presence. He was the assistant
superintendent. He had a reddish moustache that stood out horizontally
on each side of his face, and extremely small features, expressive of
nothing much except a certain insolence. He looked askance and rather
indignantly at Raskolnikov; he was so very badly dressed, and in spite
of his humiliating position, his bearing was by no means in keeping with
his clothes. Raskolnikov had unwarily fixed a very long and direct look
on him, so that he felt positively affronted.
"What do you want?" he shouted,
apparently astonished that such a ragged fellow was not annihilated by
the majesty of his glance.
"I was summoned... by a notice..."
Raskolnikov faltered.
"For the recovery of money due, from the
student," the head clerk interfered hurriedly, tearing himself
from his papers. "Here!" and he flung Raskolnikov a document
and pointed out the place. "Read that!"
"Money? What money?" thought Raskolnikov,
"but... then... it's certainly not that."
And he trembled with joy. He felt sudden intense
indescribable relief. A load was lifted from his back.
"And pray, what time were you directed to
appear, sir?" shouted the assistant superintendent, seeming for
some unknown reason more and more aggrieved. "You are told to come
at nine, and now it's twelve!"
"The notice was only brought me a quarter of
an hour ago," Raskolnikov answered loudly over his shoulder. To his
own surprise he, too, grew suddenly angry and found a certain pleasure
in it. "And it's enough that I have come here ill with fever."
"Kindly refrain from shouting!"
"I'm not shouting, I'm speaking very quietly,
it's you who are shouting at me. I'm a student, and allow no one to
shout at me."
The assistant superintendent was so furious that
for the first minute he could only splutter inarticulately. He leaped up
from his seat.
"Be silent! You are in a government office.
Don't be impudent, sir!"
"You're in a government office, too,"
cried Raskolnikov, "and you're smoking a cigarette as well as
shouting, so you are showing disrespect to all of us."
He felt an indescribable satisfaction at having
said this.
The head clerk looked at him with a smile. The
angry assistant superintendent was obviously disconcerted.
"That's not your business!" he shouted
at last with unnatural loudness. "Kindly make the declaration
demanded of you. Show him. Alexandr Grigorievitch. There is a complaint
against you! You don't pay your debts! You're a fine bird!"
But Raskolnikov was not listening now; he had
eagerly clutched at the paper, in haste to find an explanation. He read
it once, and a second time, and still did not understand.
"What is this?" he asked the head clerk.
"It is for the recovery of money on an I O U,
a writ. You must either pay it, with all expenses, costs and so on, or
give a written declaration when you can pay it, and at the same time an
undertaking not to leave the capital without payment, and nor to sell or
conceal your property. The creditor is at liberty to sell your property,
and proceed against you according to the law."
"But I... am not in debt to anyone!"
"That's not our business. Here, an I O U for
a hundred and fifteen roubles, legally attested, and due for payment,
has been brought us for recovery, given by you to the widow of the
assessor Zarnitsyn, nine months ago, and paid over by the widow
Zarnitsyn to one Mr. Tchebarov. We therefore summon you, hereupon."
"But she is my landlady!"
"And what if she is your landlady?"
The head clerk looked at him with a condescending
smile of compassion, and at the same time with a certain triumph, as at
a novice under fire for the first time—as though he would say:
"Well, how do you feel now?" But what did he care now for an I
O U, for a writ of recovery! Was that worth worrying about now, was it
worth attention even! He stood, he read, he listened, he answered, he
even asked questions himself, but all mechanically. The triumphant sense
of security, of deliverance from overwhelming danger, that was what
filled his whole soul that moment without thought for the future,
without analysis, without suppositions or surmises, without doubts and
without questioning. It was an instant of full, direct, purely
instinctive joy. But at that very moment something like a thunderstorm
took place in the office. The assistant superintendent, still shaken by
Raskolnikov's disrespect, still fuming and obviously anxious to keep up
his wounded dignity, pounced on the unfortunate smart lady, who had been
gazing at him ever since he came in with an exceedingly silly smile.
"You shameful hussy!" he shouted
suddenly at the top of his voice. (The lady in mourning had left the
office.) "What was going on at your house last night? Eh! A
disgrace again, you're a scandal to the whole street. Fighting and
drinking again. Do you want the house of correction? Why, I have warned
you ten times over that I would not let you off the eleventh! And here
you are again, again, you... you...!"
The paper fell out of Raskolnikov's hands, and he
looked wildly at the smart lady who was so unceremoniously treated. But
he soon saw what it meant, and at once began to find positive amusement
in the scandal. He listened with pleasure, so that he longed to laugh
and laugh... all his nerves were on edge.
"Ilya Petrovitch!" the head clerk was
beginning anxiously, but stopped short, for he knew from experience that
the enraged assistant could not be stopped except by force.
As for the smart lady, at first she positively
trembled before the storm. But, strange to say, the more numerous and
violent the terms of abuse became, the more amiable she looked, and the
more seductive the smiles she lavished on the terrible assistant. She
moved uneasily, and curtsied incessantly, waiting impatiently for a
chance of putting in her word: and at last she found it.
"There was no sort of noise or fighting in my
house, Mr. Captain," she pattered all at once, like peas dropping,
speaking Russian confidently, though with a strong German accent,
"and no sort of scandal, and his honour came drunk, and it's the
whole truth I am telling, Mr. Captain, and I am not to blame.... Mine is
an honourable house, Mr. Captain, and honourable behaviour, Mr. Captain,
and I always, always dislike any scandal myself. But he came quite
tipsy, and asked for three bottles again, and then he lifted up one leg,
and began playing the pianoforte with one foot, and that is not at all
right in an honourable house, and he ganz broke the piano, and it
was very bad manners indeed and I said so. And he took up a bottle and
began hitting everyone with it. And then I called the porter, and Karl
came, and he took Karl and hit him in the eye; and he hit Henriette in
the eye, too, and gave me five slaps on the cheek. And it was so
ungentlemanly in an honourable house, Mr. Captain, and I screamed. And
he opened the window over the canal, and stood in the window, squealing
like a little pig; it was a disgrace. The idea of squealing like a
little pig at the window into the street! Fie upon him! And Karl pulled
him away from the window by his coat, and it is true, Mr. Captain, he
tore sein rock. And then he shouted that man muss pay him
fifteen roubles damages. And I did pay him, Mr. Captain, five roubles
for sein rock. And he is an ungentlemanly visitor and caused all
the scandal. 'I will show you up,' he said, 'for I can write to all the
papers about you.'"
"Then he was an author?"
"Yes, Mr. Captain, and what an ungentlemanly
visitor in an honourable house...."
"Now then! Enough! I have told you
already..."
"Ilya Petrovitch!" the head clerk
repeated significantly.
The assistant glanced rapidly at him; the head
clerk slightly shook his head.
"... So I tell you this, most respectable
Luise Ivanovna, and I tell it you for the last time," the assistant
went on. "If there is a scandal in your honourable house once
again, I will put you yourself in the lock-up, as it is called in polite
society. Do you hear? So a literary man, an author took five roubles for
his coat-tail in an 'honourable house'? A nice set, these authors!"
And he cast a contemptuous glance at Raskolnikov.
"There was a scandal the other day in a restaurant, too. An author
had eaten his dinner and would not pay; 'I'll write a satire on you,'
says he. And there was another of them on a steamer last week used the
most disgraceful language to the respectable family of a civil
councillor, his wife and daughter. And there was one of them turned out
of a confectioner's shop the other day. They are like that, authors,
literary men, students, town-criers.... Pfoo! You get along! I shall
look in upon you myself one day. Then you had better be careful! Do you
hear?"
With hurried deference, Luise Ivanovna fell to
curtsying in all directions, and so curtsied herself to the door. But at
the door, she stumbled backwards against a good-looking officer with a
fresh, open face and splendid thick fair whiskers. This was the
superintendent of the district himself, Nikodim Fomitch. Luise Ivanovna
made haste to curtsy almost to the ground, and with mincing little
steps, she fluttered out of the office.
"Again thunder and lightning—a
hurricane!" said Nikodim Fomitch to Ilya Petrovitch in a civil and
friendly tone. "You are aroused again, you are fuming again! I
heard it on the stairs!"
"Well, what then!" Ilya Petrovitch
drawled with gentlemanly nonchalance; and he walked with some papers to
another table, with a jaunty swing of his shoulders at each step.
"Here, if you will kindly look: an author, or a student, has been
one at least, does not pay his debts, has given an I O U, won't clear
out of his room, and complaints are constantly being lodged against him,
and here he has been pleased to make a protest against my smoking in his
presence! He behaves like a cad himself, and just look at him, please.
Here's the gentleman, and very attractive he is!"
"Poverty is not a vice, my friend, but we
know you go off like powder, you can't bear a slight, I daresay you took
offence at something and went too far yourself," continued Nikodim
Fomitch, turning affably to Raskolnikov. "But you were wrong there;
he is a capital fellow, I assure you, but explosive, explosive! He gets
hot, fires up, boils over, and no stopping him! And then it's all over!
And at the bottom he's a heart of gold! His nickname in the regiment was
the Explosive Lieutenant...."
"And what a regiment it was, too," cried
Ilya Petrovitch, much gratified at this agreeable banter, though still
sulky.
Raskolnikov had a sudden desire to say something
exceptionally pleasant to them all. "Excuse me, Captain," he
began easily, suddenly addressing Nikodim Fomitch, "will you enter
into my position?... I am ready to ask pardon, if I have been
ill-mannered. I am a poor student, sick and shattered (shattered was the
word he used) by poverty. I am not studying, because I cannot keep
myself now, but I shall get money.... I have a mother and sister in the
province of X. They will send it to me, and I will pay. My landlady is a
good-hearted woman, but she is so exasperated at my having lost my
lessons, and not paying her for the last four months, that she does not
even send up my dinner... and I don't understand this I O U at all. She
is asking me to pay her on this I O U. How am I to pay her? Judge for
yourselves!..."
"But that is not our business, you
know," the head clerk was observing.
"Yes, yes. I perfectly agree with you. But
allow me to explain..." Raskolnikov put in again, still addressing
Nikodim Fomitch, but trying his best to address Ilya Petrovitch also,
though the latter persistently appeared to be rummaging among his papers
and to be contemptuously oblivious of him. "Allow me to explain
that I have been living with her for nearly three years and at first...
at first... for why should I not confess it, at the very beginning I
promised to marry her daughter, it was a verbal promise, freely given...
she was a girl... indeed, I liked her, though I was not in love with
her... a youthful affair in fact... that is, I mean to say, that my
landlady gave me credit freely in those days, and I led a life of... I
was very heedless..."
"Nobody asks you for these personal details,
sir, we've no time to waste," Ilya Petrovitch interposed roughly
and with a note of triumph; but Raskolnikov stopped him hotly, though he
suddenly found it exceedingly difficult to speak.
"But excuse me, excuse me. It is for me to
explain... how it all happened... In my turn... though I agree with
you... it is unnecessary. But a year ago, the girl died of typhus. I
remained lodging there as before, and when my landlady moved into her
present quarters, she said to me... and in a friendly way... that she
had complete trust in me, but still, would I not give her an I O U for
one hundred and fifteen roubles, all the debt I owed her. She said if
only I gave her that, she would trust me again, as much as I liked, and
that she would never, never—those were her own words—make use of
that I O U till I could pay of myself... and now, when I have lost my
lessons and have nothing to eat, she takes action against me. What am I
to say to that?"
"All these affecting details are no business
of ours." Ilya Petrovitch interrupted rudely. "You must give a
written undertaking but as for your love affairs and all these tragic
events, we have nothing to do with that."
"Come now... you are harsh," muttered
Nikodim Fomitch, sitting down at the table and also beginning to write.
He looked a little ashamed.
"Write!" said the head clerk to
Raskolnikov.
"Write what?" the latter asked, gruffly.
"I will dictate to you."
Raskolnikov fancied that the head clerk treated
him more casually and contemptuously after his speech, but strange to
say he suddenly felt completely indifferent to anyone's opinion, and
this revulsion took place in a flash, in one instant. If he had cared to
think a little, he would have been amazed indeed that he could have
talked to them like that a minute before, forcing his feelings upon
them. And where had those feelings come from? Now if the whole room had
been filled, not with police officers, but with those nearest and
dearest to him, he would not have found one human word for them, so
empty was his heart. A gloomy sensation of agonising, everlasting
solitude and remoteness, took conscious form in his soul. It was not the
meanness of his sentimental effusions before Ilya Petrovitch, nor the
meanness of the latter's triumph over him that had caused this sudden
revulsion in his heart. Oh, what had he to do now with his own baseness,
with all these petty vanities, officers, German women, debts,
police-offices? If he had been sentenced to be burnt at that moment, he
would not have stirred, would hardly have heard the sentence to the end.
Something was happening to him entirely new, sudden and unknown. It was
not that he understood, but he felt clearly with all the intensity of
sensation that he could never more appeal to these people in the
police-office with sentimental effusions like his recent outburst, or
with anything whatever; and that if they had been his own brothers and
sisters and not police-officers, it would have been utterly out of the
question to appeal to them in any circumstance of life. He had never
experienced such a strange and awful sensation. And what was most
agonising—it was more a sensation than a conception or idea, a direct
sensation, the most agonising of all the sensations he had known in his
life.
The head clerk began dictating to him the usual
form of declaration, that he could not pay, that he undertook to do so
at a future date, that he would not leave the town, nor sell his
property, and so on.
"But you can't write, you can hardly hold the
pen," observed the head clerk, looking with curiosity at
Raskolnikov. "Are you ill?"
"Yes, I am giddy. Go on!"
"That's all. Sign it."
The head clerk took the paper, and turned to
attend to others.
Raskolnikov gave back the pen; but instead of
getting up and going away, he put his elbows on the table and pressed
his head in his hands. He felt as if a nail were being driven into his
skull. A strange idea suddenly occurred to him, to get up at once, to go
up to Nikodim Fomitch, and tell him everything that had happened
yesterday, and then to go with him to his lodgings and to show him the
things in the hole in the corner. The impulse was so strong that he got
up from his seat to carry it out. "Hadn't I better think a
minute?" flashed through his mind. "No, better cast off the
burden without thinking." But all at once he stood still, rooted to
the spot. Nikodim Fomitch was talking eagerly with Ilya Petrovitch, and
the words reached him:
"It's impossible, they'll both be released.
To begin with, the whole story contradicts itself. Why should they have
called the porter, if it had been their doing? To inform against
themselves? Or as a blind? No, that would be too cunning! Besides,
Pestryakov, the student, was seen at the gate by both the porters and a
woman as he went in. He was walking with three friends, who left him
only at the gate, and he asked the porters to direct him, in the
presence of the friends. Now, would he have asked his way if he had been
going with such an object? As for Koch, he spent half an hour at the
silversmith's below, before he went up to the old woman and he left him
at exactly a quarter to eight. Now just consider..."
"But excuse me, how do you explain this
contradiction? They state themselves that they knocked and the door was
locked; yet three minutes later when they went up with the porter, it
turned out the door was unfastened."
"That's just it; the murderer must have been
there and bolted himself in; and they'd have caught him for a certainty
if Koch had not been an ass and gone to look for the porter too. He
must have seized the interval to get downstairs and slip by them
somehow. Koch keeps crossing himself and saying: 'If I had been there,
he would have jumped out and killed me with his axe.' He is going to
have a thanksgiving service—ha, ha!"
"And no one saw the murderer?"
"They might well not see him; the house is a
regular Noah's Ark," said the head clerk, who was listening.
"It's clear, quite clear," Nikodim
Fomitch repeated warmly.
"No, it is anything but clear," Ilya
Petrovitch maintained.
Raskolnikov picked up his hat and walked towards
the door, but he did not reach it....
When he recovered consciousness, he found himself
sitting in a chair, supported by someone on the right side, while
someone else was standing on the left, holding a yellowish glass filled
with yellow water, and Nikodim Fomitch standing before him, looking
intently at him. He got up from the chair.
"What's this? Are you ill?" Nikodim
Fomitch asked, rather sharply.
"He could hardly hold his pen when he was
signing," said the head clerk, settling back in his place, and
taking up his work again.
"Have you been ill long?" cried Ilya
Petrovitch from his place, where he, too, was looking through papers. He
had, of course, come to look at the sick man when he fainted, but
retired at once when he recovered.
"Since yesterday," muttered Raskolnikov
in reply.
"Did you go out yesterday?"
"Yes."
"Though you were ill?"
"Yes."
"At what time?"
"About seven."
"And where did you go, my I ask?"
"Along the street."
"Short and clear."
Raskolnikov, white as a handkerchief, had answered
sharply, jerkily, without dropping his black feverish eyes before Ilya
Petrovitch's stare.
"He can scarcely stand upright. And
you..." Nikodim Fomitch was beginning.
"No matter," Ilya Petrovitch pronounced
rather peculiarly.
Nikodim Fomitch would have made some further
protest, but glancing at the head clerk who was looking very hard at
him, he did not speak. There was a sudden silence. It was strange.
"Very well, then," concluded Ilya
Petrovitch, "we will not detain you."
Raskolnikov went out. He caught the sound of eager
conversation on his departure, and above the rest rose the questioning
voice of Nikodim Fomitch. In the street, his faintness passed off
completely.
"A search—there will be a search at
once," he repeated to himself, hurrying home. "The brutes!
they suspect."
His former terror mastered him completely again.
CHAPTER II
"And what if there has been a search already?
What if I find them in my room?"
But here was his room. Nothing and no one in it.
No one had peeped in. Even Nastasya had not touched it. But heavens! how
could he have left all those things in the hole?
He rushed to the corner, slipped his hand under
the paper, pulled the things out and lined his pockets with them. There
were eight articles in all: two little boxes with ear-rings or something
of the sort, he hardly looked to see; then four small leather cases.
There was a chain, too, merely wrapped in newspaper and something else
in newspaper, that looked like a decoration.... He put them all in the
different pockets of his overcoat, and the remaining pocket of his
trousers, trying to conceal them as much as possible. He took the purse,
too. Then he went out of his room, leaving the door open. He walked
quickly and resolutely, and though he felt shattered, he had his senses
about him. He was afraid of pursuit, he was afraid that in another
half-hour, another quarter of an hour perhaps, instructions would be
issued for his pursuit, and so at all costs, he must hide all traces
before then. He must clear everything up while he still had some
strength, some reasoning power left him.... Where was he to go?
That had long been settled: "Fling them into
the canal, and all traces hidden in the water, the thing would be at an
end." So he had decided in the night of his delirium when several
times he had had the impulse to get up and go away, to make haste, and
get rid of it all. But to get rid of it, turned out to be a very
difficult task. He wandered along the bank of the Ekaterininsky Canal
for half an hour or more and looked several times at the steps running
down to the water, but he could not think of carrying out his plan;
either rafts stood at the steps' edge, and women were washing clothes on
them, or boats were moored there, and people were swarming everywhere.
Moreover he could be seen and noticed from the banks on all sides; it
would look suspicious for a man to go down on purpose, stop, and throw
something into the water. And what if the boxes were to float instead of
sinking? And of course they would. Even as it was, everyone he met
seemed to stare and look round, as if they had nothing to do but to
watch him. "Why is it, or can it be my fancy?" he thought.
At last the thought struck him that it might be
better to go to the Neva. There were not so many people there, he would
be less observed, and it would be more convenient in every way, above
all it was further off. He wondered how he could have been wandering for
a good half-hour, worried and anxious in this dangerous past without
thinking of it before. And that half-hour he had lost over an irrational
plan, simply because he had thought of it in delirium! He had become
extremely absent and forgetful and he was aware of it. He certainly must
make haste.
He walked towards the Neva along V—— Prospect,
but on the way another idea struck him. "Why to the Neva? Would it
not be better to go somewhere far off, to the Islands again, and there
hide the things in some solitary place, in a wood or under a bush, and
mark the spot perhaps?" And though he felt incapable of clear
judgment, the idea seemed to him a sound one. But he was not destined to
go there. For coming out of V—— Prospect towards the square, he saw
on the left a passage leading between two blank walls to a courtyard. On
the right hand, the blank unwhitewashed wall of a four-storied house
stretched far into the court; on the left, a wooden hoarding ran
parallel with it for twenty paces into the court, and then turned
sharply to the left. Here was a deserted fenced-off place where rubbish
of different sorts was lying. At the end of the court, the corner of a
low, smutty, stone shed, apparently part of some workshop, peeped from
behind the hoarding. It was probably a carriage builder's or carpenter's
shed; the whole place from the entrance was black with coal dust. Here
would be the place to throw it, he thought. Not seeing anyone in the
yard, he slipped in, and at once saw near the gate a sink, such as is
often put in yards where there are many workmen or cab-drivers; and on
the hoarding above had been scribbled in chalk the time-honoured
witticism, "Standing here strictly forbidden." This was all
the better, for there would be nothing suspicious about his going in.
"Here I could throw it all in a heap and get away!"
Looking round once more, with his hand already in
his pocket, he noticed against the outer wall, between the entrance and
the sink, a big unhewn stone, weighing perhaps sixty pounds. The other
side of the wall was a street. He could hear passers-by, always numerous
in that part, but he could not be seen from the entrance, unless someone
came in from the street, which might well happen indeed, so there was
need of haste.
He bent down over the stone, seized the top of it
firmly in both hands, and using all his strength turned it over. Under
the stone was a small hollow in the ground, and he immediately emptied
his pocket into it. The purse lay at the top, and yet the hollow was not
filled up. Then he seized the stone again and with one twist turned it
back, so that it was in the same position again, though it stood a very
little higher. But he scraped the earth about it and pressed it at the
edges with his foot. Nothing could be noticed.
Then he went out, and turned into the square.
Again an intense, almost unbearable joy overwhelmed him for an instant,
as it had in the police-office. "I have buried my tracks! And who,
who can think of looking under that stone? It has been lying there most
likely ever since the house was built, and will lie as many years more.
And if it were found, who would think of me? It is all over! No
clue!" And he laughed. Yes, he remembered that he began laughing a
thin, nervous noiseless laugh, and went on laughing all the time he was
crossing the square. But when he reached the K—— Boulevard where two
days before he had come upon that girl, his laughter suddenly ceased.
Other ideas crept into his mind. He felt all at once that it would be
loathsome to pass that seat on which after the girl was gone, he had sat
and pondered, and that it would be hateful, too, to meet that whiskered
policeman to whom he had given the twenty copecks: "Damn him!"
He walked, looking about him angrily and
distractedly. All his ideas now seemed to be circling round some single
point, and he felt that there really was such a point, and that now,
now, he was left facing that point—and for the first time, indeed,
during the last two months.
"Damn it all!" he thought suddenly, in a
fit of ungovernable fury. "If it has begun, then it has begun. Hang
the new life! Good Lord, how stupid it is!... And what lies I told
to-day! How despicably I fawned upon that wretched Ilya Petrovitch! But
that is all folly! What do I care for them all, and my fawning upon
them! It is not that at all! It is not that at all!"
Suddenly he stopped; a new utterly unexpected and
exceedingly simple question perplexed and bitterly confounded him.
"If it all has really been done deliberately
and not idiotically, if I really had a certain and definite object, how
is it I did not even glance into the purse and don't know what I had
there, for which I have undergone these agonies, and have deliberately
undertaken this base, filthy degrading business? And here I wanted at
once to throw into the water the purse together with all the things
which I had not seen either... how's that?"
Yes, that was so, that was all so. Yet he had
known it all before, and it was not a new question for him, even when it
was decided in the night without hesitation and consideration, as though
so it must be, as though it could not possibly be otherwise.... Yes, he
had known it all, and understood it all; it surely had all been settled
even yesterday at the moment when he was bending over the box and
pulling the jewel-cases out of it.... Yes, so it was.
"It is because I am very ill," he
decided grimly at last, "I have been worrying and fretting myself,
and I don't know what I am doing.... Yesterday and the day before
yesterday and all this time I have been worrying myself.... I shall get
well and I shall not worry.... But what if I don't get well at all? Good
God, how sick I am of it all!"
He walked on without resting. He had a terrible
longing for some distraction, but he did not know what to do, what to
attempt. A new overwhelming sensation was gaining more and more mastery
over him every moment; this was an immeasurable, almost physical,
repulsion for everything surrounding him, an obstinate, malignant
feeling of hatred. All who met him were loathsome to him—he loathed
their faces, their movements, their gestures. If anyone had addressed
him, he felt that he might have spat at him or bitten him....
He stopped suddenly, on coming out on the bank of
the Little Neva, near the bridge to Vassilyevsky Ostrov. "Why, he
lives here, in that house," he thought, "why, I have not come
to Razumihin of my own accord! Here it's the same thing over again....
Very interesting to know, though; have I come on purpose or have I
simply walked here by chance? Never mind, I said the day before
yesterday that I would go and see him the day after; well, and so
I will! Besides I really cannot go further now."
He went up to Razumihin's room on the fifth floor.
The latter was at home in his garret, busily
writing at the moment, and he opened the door himself. It was four
months since they had seen each other. Razumihin was sitting in a ragged
dressing-gown, with slippers on his bare feet, unkempt, unshaven and
unwashed. His face showed surprise.
"Is it you?" he cried. He looked his
comrade up and down; then after a brief pause, he whistled. "As
hard up as all that! Why, brother, you've cut me out!" he added,
looking at Raskolnikov's rags. "Come sit down, you are tired, I'll
be bound."
And when he had sunk down on the American leather
sofa, which was in even worse condition than his own, Razumihin saw at
once that his visitor was ill.
"Why, you are seriously ill, do you know
that?" He began feeling his pulse. Raskolnikov pulled away his
hand.
"Never mind," he said, "I have come
for this: I have no lessons.... I wanted,... but I don't really want
lessons...."
"But I say! You are delirious, you
know!" Razumihin observed, watching him carefully.
"No, I am not."
Raskolnikov got up from the sofa. As he had
mounted the stairs to Razumihin's, he had not realised that he would be
meeting his friend face to face. Now, in a flash, he knew, that what he
was least of all disposed for at that moment was to be face to face with
anyone in the wide world. His spleen rose within him. He almost choked
with rage at himself as soon as he crossed Razumihin's threshold.
"Good-bye," he said abruptly, and walked
to the door.
"Stop, stop! You queer fish."
"I don't want to," said the other, again
pulling away his hand.
"Then why the devil have you come? Are you
mad, or what? Why, this is... almost insulting! I won't let you go like
that."
"Well, then, I came to you because I know no
one but you who could help... to begin... because you are kinder than
anyone—cleverer, I mean, and can judge... and now I see that I want
nothing. Do you hear? Nothing at all... no one's services... no one's
sympathy. I am by myself... alone. Come, that's enough. Leave me
alone."
"Stay a minute, you sweep! You are a perfect
madman. As you like for all I care. I have no lessons, do you see, and I
don't care about that, but there's a bookseller, Heruvimov—and he
takes the place of a lesson. I would not exchange him for five lessons.
He's doing publishing of a kind, and issuing natural science manuals and
what a circulation they have! The very titles are worth the money! You
always maintained that I was a fool, but by Jove, my boy, there are
greater fools than I am! Now he is setting up for being advanced, not
that he has an inkling of anything, but, of course, I encourage him.
Here are two signatures of the German text—in my opinion, the crudest
charlatanism; it discusses the question, 'Is woman a human being?' And,
of course, triumphantly proves that she is. Heruvimov is going to bring
out this work as a contribution to the woman question; I am translating
it; he will expand these two and a half signatures into six, we shall
make up a gorgeous title half a page long and bring it out at half a
rouble. It will do! He pays me six roubles the signature, it works out
to about fifteen roubles for the job, and I've had six already in
advance. When we have finished this, we are going to begin a translation
about whales, and then some of the dullest scandals out of the second
part of Les Confessions we have marked for translation; somebody
has told Heruvimov, that Rousseau was a kind of Radishchev. You may be
sure I don't contradict him, hang him! Well, would you like to do the
second signature of 'Is woman a human being?' If you would, take
the German and pens and paper—all those are provided, and take three
roubles; for as I have had six roubles in advance on the whole thing,
three roubles come to you for your share. And when you have finished the
signature there will be another three roubles for you. And please don't
think I am doing you a service; quite the contrary, as soon as you came
in, I saw how you could help me; to begin with, I am weak in spelling,
and secondly, I am sometimes utterly adrift in German, so that I make it
up as I go along for the most part. The only comfort is, that it's bound
to be a change for the better. Though who can tell, maybe it's sometimes
for the worse. Will you take it?"
Raskolnikov took the German sheets in silence,
took the three roubles and without a word went out. Razumihin gazed
after him in astonishment. But when Raskolnikov was in the next street,
he turned back, mounted the stairs to Razumihin's again and laying on
the table the German article and the three roubles, went out again,
still without uttering a word.
"Are you raving, or what?" Razumihin
shouted, roused to fury at last. "What farce is this? You'll drive
me crazy too... what did you come to see me for, damn you?"
"I don't want... translation," muttered
Raskolnikov from the stairs.
"Then what the devil do you want?"
shouted Razumihin from above. Raskolnikov continued descending the
staircase in silence.
"Hey, there! Where are you living?"
No answer.
"Well, confound you then!"
But Raskolnikov was already stepping into the
street. On the Nikolaevsky Bridge he was roused to full consciousness
again by an unpleasant incident. A coachman, after shouting at him two
or three times, gave him a violent lash on the back with his whip, for
having almost fallen under his horses' hoofs. The lash so infuriated him
that he dashed away to the railing (for some unknown reason he had been
walking in the very middle of the bridge in the traffic). He angrily
clenched and ground his teeth. He heard laughter, of course.
"Serves him right!"
"A pickpocket I dare say."
"Pretending to be drunk, for sure, and
getting under the wheels on purpose; and you have to answer for
him."
"It's a regular profession, that's what it
is."
But while he stood at the railing, still looking
angry and bewildered after the retreating carriage, and rubbing his
back, he suddenly felt someone thrust money into his hand. He looked. It
was an elderly woman in a kerchief and goatskin shoes, with a girl,
probably her daughter wearing a hat, and carrying a green parasol.
"Take it, my good man, in Christ's
name."
He took it and they passed on. It was a piece of
twenty copecks. From his dress and appearance they might well have taken
him for a beggar asking alms in the streets, and the gift of the twenty
copecks he doubtless owed to the blow, which made them feel sorry for
him.
He closed his hand on the twenty copecks, walked
on for ten paces, and turned facing the Neva, looking towards the
palace. The sky was without a cloud and the water was almost bright
blue, which is so rare in the Neva. The cupola of the cathedral, which
is seen at its best from the bridge about twenty paces from the chapel,
glittered in the sunlight, and in the pure air every ornament on it
could be clearly distinguished. The pain from the lash went off, and
Raskolnikov forgot about it; one uneasy and not quite definite idea
occupied him now completely. He stood still, and gazed long and intently
into the distance; this spot was especially familiar to him. When he was
attending the university, he had hundreds of times—generally on his
way home—stood still on this spot, gazed at this truly magnificent
spectacle and almost always marvelled at a vague and mysterious emotion
it roused in him. It left him strangely cold; this gorgeous picture was
for him blank and lifeless. He wondered every time at his sombre and
enigmatic impression and, mistrusting himself, put off finding the
explanation of it. He vividly recalled those old doubts and
perplexities, and it seemed to him that it was no mere chance that he
recalled them now. It struck him as strange and grotesque, that he
should have stopped at the same spot as before, as though he actually
imagined he could think the same thoughts, be interested in the same
theories and pictures that had interested him... so short a time ago. He
felt it almost amusing, and yet it wrung his heart. Deep down, hidden
far away out of sight all that seemed to him now—all his old past, his
old thoughts, his old problems and theories, his old impressions and
that picture and himself and all, all.... He felt as though he were
flying upwards, and everything were vanishing from his sight. Making an
unconscious movement with his hand, he suddenly became aware of the
piece of money in his fist. He opened his hand, stared at the coin, and
with a sweep of his arm flung it into the water; then he turned and went
home. It seemed to him, he had cut himself off from everyone and from
everything at that moment.
Evening was coming on when he reached home, so
that he must have been walking about six hours. How and where he came
back he did not remember. Undressing, and quivering like an overdriven
horse, he lay down on the sofa, drew his greatcoat over him, and at once
sank into oblivion....
It was dusk when he was waked up by a fearful
scream. Good God, what a scream! Such unnatural sounds, such howling,
wailing, grinding, tears, blows and curses he had never heard.
He could never have imagined such brutality, such
frenzy. In terror he sat up in bed, almost swooning with agony. But the
fighting, wailing and cursing grew louder and louder. And then to his
intense amazement he caught the voice of his landlady. She was howling,
shrieking and wailing, rapidly, hurriedly, incoherently, so that he
could not make out what she was talking about; she was beseeching, no
doubt, not to be beaten, for she was being mercilessly beaten on the
stairs. The voice of her assailant was so horrible from spite and rage
that it was almost a croak; but he, too, was saying something, and just
as quickly and indistinctly, hurrying and spluttering. All at once
Raskolnikov trembled; he recognised the voice—it was the voice of Ilya
Petrovitch. Ilya Petrovitch here and beating the landlady! He is kicking
her, banging her head against the steps—that's clear, that can be told
from the sounds, from the cries and the thuds. How is it, is the world
topsy-turvy? He could hear people running in crowds from all the storeys
and all the staircases; he heard voices, exclamations, knocking, doors
banging. "But why, why, and how could it be?" he repeated,
thinking seriously that he had gone mad. But no, he heard too
distinctly! And they would come to him then next, "for no doubt...
it's all about that... about yesterday.... Good God!" He would have
fastened his door with the latch, but he could not lift his hand...
besides, it would be useless. Terror gripped his heart like ice,
tortured him and numbed him.... But at last all this uproar, after
continuing about ten minutes, began gradually to subside. The landlady
was moaning and groaning; Ilya Petrovitch was still uttering threats and
curses.... But at last he, too, seemed to be silent, and now he could
not be heard. "Can he have gone away? Good Lord!" Yes, and now
the landlady is going too, still weeping and moaning... and then her
door slammed.... Now the crowd was going from the stairs to their rooms,
exclaiming, disputing, calling to one another, raising their voices to a
shout, dropping them to a whisper. There must have been numbers of
them—almost all the inmates of the block. "But, good God, how
could it be! And why, why had he come here!"
Raskolnikov sank worn out on the sofa, but could
not close his eyes. He lay for half an hour in such anguish, such an
intolerable sensation of infinite terror as he had never experienced
before. Suddenly a bright light flashed into his room. Nastasya came in
with a candle and a plate of soup. Looking at him carefully and
ascertaining that he was not asleep, she set the candle on the table and
began to lay out what she had brought—bread, salt, a plate, a spoon.
"You've eaten nothing since yesterday, I
warrant. You've been trudging about all day, and you're shaking with
fever."
"Nastasya... what were they beating the
landlady for?"
She looked intently at him.
"Who beat the landlady?"
"Just now... half an hour ago, Ilya
Petrovitch, the assistant superintendent, on the stairs.... Why was he
ill-treating her like that, and... why was he here?"
Nastasya scrutinised him, silent and frowning, and
her scrutiny lasted a long time. He felt uneasy, even frightened at her
searching eyes.
"Nastasya, why don't you speak?" he said
timidly at last in a weak voice.
"It's the blood," she answered at last
softly, as though speaking to herself.
"Blood? What blood?" he muttered,
growing white and turning towards the wall.
Nastasya still looked at him without speaking.
"Nobody has been beating the landlady,"
she declared at last in a firm, resolute voice.
He gazed at her, hardly able to breathe.
"I heard it myself.... I was not asleep... I
was sitting up," he said still more timidly. "I listened a
long while. The assistant superintendent came.... Everyone ran out on to
the stairs from all the flats."
"No one has been here. That's the blood
crying in your ears. When there's no outlet for it and it gets clotted,
you begin fancying things.... Will you eat something?"
He made no answer. Nastasya still stood over him,
watching him.
"Give me something to drink... Nastasya."
She went downstairs and returned with a white
earthenware jug of water. He remembered only swallowing one sip of the
cold water and spilling some on his neck. Then followed forgetfulness.
CHAPTER III
He was not completely unconscious, however, all
the time he was ill; he was in a feverish state, sometimes delirious,
sometimes half conscious. He remembered a great deal afterwards.
Sometimes it seemed as though there were a number of people round him;
they wanted to take him away somewhere, there was a great deal of
squabbling and discussing about him. Then he would be alone in the room;
they had all gone away afraid of him, and only now and then opened the
door a crack to look at him; they threatened him, plotted something
together, laughed, and mocked at him. He remembered Nastasya often at
his bedside; he distinguished another person, too, whom he seemed to
know very well, though he could not remember who he was, and this
fretted him, even made him cry. Sometimes he fancied he had been lying
there a month; at other times it all seemed part of the same day. But of
that—of that he had no recollection, and yet every
minute he felt that he had forgotten something he ought to remember. He
worried and tormented himself trying to remember, moaned, flew into a
rage, or sank into awful, intolerable terror. Then he struggled to get
up, would have run away, but someone always prevented him by force, and
he sank back into impotence and forgetfulness. At last he returned to
complete consciousness.
It happened at ten o'clock in the morning. On fine
days the sun shone into the room at that hour, throwing a streak of
light on the right wall and the corner near the door. Nastasya was
standing beside him with another person, a complete stranger, who was
looking at him very inquisitively. He was a young man with a beard,
wearing a full, short-waisted coat, and looked like a messenger. The
landlady was peeping in at the half-opened door. Raskolnikov sat up.
"Who is this, Nastasya?" he asked,
pointing to the young man.
"I say, he's himself again!" she said.
"He is himself," echoed the man.
Concluding that he had returned to his senses, the
landlady closed the door and disappeared. She was always shy and dreaded
conversations or discussions. She was a woman of forty, not at all
bad-looking, fat and buxom, with black eyes and eyebrows, good-natured
from fatness and laziness, and absurdly bashful.
"Who... are you?" he went on, addressing
the man. But at that moment the door was flung open, and, stooping a
little, as he was so tall, Razumihin came in.
"What a cabin it is!" he cried. "I
am always knocking my head. You call this a lodging! So you are
conscious, brother? I've just heard the news from Pashenka."
"He has just come to," said Nastasya.
"Just come to," echoed the man again,
with a smile.
"And who are you?" Razumihin asked,
suddenly addressing him. "My name is Vrazumihin, at your service;
not Razumihin, as I am always called, but Vrazumihin, a student and
gentleman; and he is my friend. And who are you?"
"I am the messenger from our office, from the
merchant Shelopaev, and I've come on business."
"Please sit down." Razumihin seated
himself on the other side of the table. "It's a good thing you've
come to, brother," he went on to Raskolnikov. "For the last
four days you have scarcely eaten or drunk anything. We had to give you
tea in spoonfuls. I brought Zossimov to see you twice. You remember
Zossimov? He examined you carefully and said at once it was nothing
serious—something seemed to have gone to your head. Some nervous
nonsense, the result of bad feeding, he says you have not had enough
beer and radish, but it's nothing much, it will pass and you will be all
right. Zossimov is a first-rate fellow! He is making quite a name. Come,
I won't keep you," he said, addressing the man again. "Will
you explain what you want? You must know, Rodya, this is the second time
they have sent from the office; but it was another man last time, and I
talked to him. Who was it came before?"
"That was the day before yesterday, I venture
to say, if you please, sir. That was Alexey Semyonovitch; he is in our
office, too."
"He was more intelligent than you, don't you
think so?"
"Yes, indeed, sir, he is of more weight than
I am."
"Quite so; go on."
"At your mamma's request, through Afanasy
Ivanovitch Vahrushin, of whom I presume you have heard more than once, a
remittance is sent to you from our office," the man began,
addressing Raskolnikov. "If you are in an intelligible condition,
I've thirty-five roubles to remit to you, as Semyon Semyonovitch has
received from Afanasy Ivanovitch at your mamma's request instructions to
that effect, as on previous occasions. Do you know him, sir?"
"Yes, I remember... Vahrushin,"
Raskolnikov said dreamily.
"You hear, he knows Vahrushin," cried
Razumihin. "He is in 'an intelligible condition'! And I see you are
an intelligent man too. Well, it's always pleasant to hear words of
wisdom."
"That's the gentleman, Vahrushin, Afanasy
Ivanovitch. And at the request of your mamma, who has sent you a
remittance once before in the same manner through him, he did not refuse
this time also, and sent instructions to Semyon Semyonovitch some days
since to hand you thirty-five roubles in the hope of better to
come."
"That 'hoping for better to come' is the best
thing you've said, though 'your mamma' is not bad either. Come then,
what do you say? Is he fully conscious, eh?"
"That's all right. If only he can sign this
little paper."
"He can scrawl his name. Have you got the
book?"
"Yes, here's the book."
"Give it to me. Here, Rodya, sit up. I'll
hold you. Take the pen and scribble 'Raskolnikov' for him. For just now,
brother, money is sweeter to us than treacle."
"I don't want it," said Raskolnikov,
pushing away the pen.
"Not want it?"
"I won't sign it."
"How the devil can you do without signing
it?"
"I don't want... the money."
"Don't want the money! Come, brother, that's
nonsense, I bear witness. Don't trouble, please, it's only that he is on
his travels again. But that's pretty common with him at all times
though.... You are a man of judgment and we will take him in hand, that
is, more simply, take his hand and he will sign it. Here."
"But I can come another time."
"No, no. Why should we trouble you? You are a
man of judgment.... Now, Rodya, don't keep your visitor, you see he is
waiting," and he made ready to hold Raskolnikov's hand in earnest.
"Stop, I'll do it alone," said the
latter, taking the pen and signing his name.
The messenger took out the money and went away.
"Bravo! And now, brother, are you
hungry?"
"Yes," answered Raskolnikov.
"Is there any soup?"
"Some of yesterday's," answered Nastasya,
who was still standing there.
"With potatoes and rice in it?"
"Yes."
"I know it by heart. Bring soup and give us
some tea."
"Very well."
Raskolnikov looked at all this with profound
astonishment and a dull, unreasoning terror. He made up his mind to keep
quiet and see what would happen. "I believe I am not wandering. I
believe it's reality," he thought.
In a couple of minutes Nastasya returned with the
soup, and announced that the tea would be ready directly. With the soup
she brought two spoons, two plates, salt, pepper, mustard for the beef,
and so on. The table was set as it had not been for a long time. The
cloth was clean.
"It would not be amiss, Nastasya, if
Praskovya Pavlovna were to send us up a couple of bottles of beer. We
could empty them."
"Well, you are a cool hand," muttered
Nastasya, and she departed to carry out his orders.
Raskolnikov still gazed wildly with strained
attention. Meanwhile Razumihin sat down on the sofa beside him, as
clumsily as a bear put his left arm round Raskolnikov's head, although
he was able to sit up, and with his right hand gave him a spoonful of
soup, blowing on it that it might not burn him. But the soup was only
just warm. Raskolnikov swallowed one spoonful greedily, then a second,
then a third. But after giving him a few more spoonfuls of soup,
Razumihin suddenly stopped, and said that he must ask Zossimov whether
he ought to have more.
Nastasya came in with two bottles of beer.
"And will you have tea?"
"Yes."
"Cut along, Nastasya, and bring some tea, for
tea we may venture on without the faculty. But here is the beer!"
He moved back to his chair, pulled the soup and meat in front of him,
and began eating as though he had not touched food for three days.
"I must tell you, Rodya, I dine like this
here every day now," he mumbled with his mouth full of beef,
"and it's all Pashenka, your dear little landlady, who sees to
that; she loves to do anything for me. I don't ask for it, but, of
course, I don't object. And here's Nastasya with the tea. She is a quick
girl. Nastasya, my dear, won't you have some beer?"
"Get along with your nonsense!"
"A cup of tea, then?"
"A cup of tea, maybe."
"Pour it out. Stay, I'll pour it out myself.
Sit down."
He poured out two cups, left his dinner, and sat
on the sofa again. As before, he put his left arm round the sick man's
head, raised him up and gave him tea in spoonfuls, again blowing each
spoonful steadily and earnestly, as though this process was the
principal and most effective means towards his friend's recovery.
Raskolnikov said nothing and made no resistance, though he felt quite
strong enough to sit up on the sofa without support and could not merely
have held a cup or a spoon, but even perhaps could have walked about.
But from some queer, almost animal, cunning he conceived the idea of
hiding his strength and lying low for a time, pretending if necessary
not to be yet in full possession of his faculties, and meanwhile
listening to find out what was going on. Yet he could not overcome his
sense of repugnance. After sipping a dozen spoonfuls of tea, he suddenly
released his head, pushed the spoon away capriciously, and sank back on
the pillow. There were actually real pillows under his head now, down
pillows in clean cases, he observed that, too, and took note of it.
"Pashenka must give us some raspberry jam
to-day to make him some raspberry tea," said Razumihin, going back
to his chair and attacking his soup and beer again.
"And where is she to get raspberries for
you?" asked Nastasya, balancing a saucer on her five outspread
fingers and sipping tea through a lump of sugar.
"She'll get it at the shop, my dear. You see,
Rodya, all sorts of things have been happening while you have been laid
up. When you decamped in that rascally way without leaving your address,
I felt so angry that I resolved to find you out and punish you. I set to
work that very day. How I ran about making inquiries for you! This
lodging of yours I had forgotten, though I never remembered it, indeed,
because I did not know it; and as for your old lodgings, I could only
remember it was at the Five Corners, Harlamov's house. I kept trying to
find that Harlamov's house, and afterwards it turned out that it was not
Harlamov's, but Buch's. How one muddles up sound sometimes! So I lost my
temper, and I went on the chance to the address bureau next day, and
only fancy, in two minutes they looked you up! Your name is down
there."
"My name!"
"I should think so; and yet a General Kobelev
they could not find while I was there. Well, it's a long story. But as
soon as I did land on this place, I soon got to know all your
affairs—all, all, brother, I know everything; Nastasya here will tell
you. I made the acquaintance of Nikodim Fomitch and Ilya Petrovitch, and
the house-porter and Mr. Zametov, Alexandr Grigorievitch, the head clerk
in the police office, and, last, but not least, of Pashenka; Nastasya
here knows...."
"He's got round her," Nastasya murmured,
smiling slyly.
"Why don't you put the sugar in your tea,
Nastasya Nikiforovna?"
"You are a one!" Nastasya cried
suddenly, going off into a giggle. "I am not Nikiforovna, but
Petrovna," she added suddenly, recovering from her mirth.
"I'll make a note of it. Well, brother, to
make a long story short, I was going in for a regular explosion here to
uproot all malignant influences in the locality, but Pashenka won the
day. I had not expected, brother, to find her so... prepossessing. Eh,
what do you think?"
Raskolnikov did not speak, but he still kept his
eyes fixed upon him, full of alarm.
"And all that could be wished, indeed, in
every respect," Razumihin went on, not at all embarrassed by his
silence.
"Ah, the sly dog!" Nastasya shrieked
again. This conversation afforded her unspeakable delight.
"It's a pity, brother, that you did not set
to work in the right way at first. You ought to have approached her
differently. She is, so to speak, a most unaccountable character. But we
will talk about her character later.... How could you let things come to
such a pass that she gave up sending you your dinner? And that I O U?
You must have been mad to sign an I O U. And that promise of marriage
when her daughter, Natalya Yegorovna, was alive?... I know all about it!
But I see that's a delicate matter and I am an ass; forgive me. But,
talking of foolishness, do you know Praskovya Pavlovna is not nearly so
foolish as you would think at first sight?"
"No," mumbled Raskolnikov, looking away,
but feeling that it was better to keep up the conversation.
"She isn't, is she?" cried Razumihin,
delighted to get an answer out of him. "But she is not very clever
either, eh? She is essentially, essentially an unaccountable character!
I am sometimes quite at a loss, I assure you.... She must be forty; she
says she is thirty-six, and of course she has every right to say so. But
I swear I judge her intellectually, simply from the metaphysical point
of view; there is a sort of symbolism sprung up between us, a sort of
algebra or what not! I don't understand it! Well, that's all nonsense.
Only, seeing that you are not a student now and have lost your lessons
and your clothes, and that through the young lady's death she has no
need to treat you as a relation, she suddenly took fright; and as you
hid in your den and dropped all your old relations with her, she planned
to get rid of you. And she's been cherishing that design a long time,
but was sorry to lose the I O U, for you assured her yourself that your
mother would pay."
"It was base of me to say that.... My mother
herself is almost a beggar... and I told a lie to keep my lodging... and
be fed," Raskolnikov said loudly and distinctly.
"Yes, you did very sensibly. But the worst of
it is that at that point Mr. Tchebarov turns up, a business man.
Pashenka would never have thought of doing anything on her own account,
she is too retiring; but the business man is by no means retiring, and
first thing he puts the question, 'Is there any hope of realising the I
O U?' Answer: there is, because he has a mother who would save her Rodya
with her hundred and twenty-five roubles pension, if she has to starve
herself; and a sister, too, who would go into bondage for his sake.
That's what he was building upon.... Why do you start? I know all the
ins and outs of your affairs now, my dear boy—it's not for nothing
that you were so open with Pashenka when you were her prospective
son-in-law, and I say all this as a friend.... But I tell you what it
is; an honest and sensitive man is open; and a business man 'listens and
goes on eating' you up. Well, then she gave the I O U by way of payment
to this Tchebarov, and without hesitation he made a formal demand for
payment. When I heard of all this I wanted to blow him up, too, to clear
my conscience, but by that time harmony reigned between me and Pashenka,
and I insisted on stopping the whole affair, engaging that you would
pay. I went security for you, brother. Do you understand? We called
Tchebarov, flung him ten roubles and got the I O U back from him, and
here I have the honour of presenting it to you. She trusts your word
now. Here, take it, you see I have torn it."
Razumihin put the note on the table. Raskolnikov
looked at him and turned to the wall without uttering a word. Even
Razumihin felt a twinge.
"I see, brother," he said a moment
later, "that I have been playing the fool again. I thought I should
amuse you with my chatter, and I believe I have only made you
cross."
"Was it you I did not recognise when I was
delirious?" Raskolnikov asked, after a moment's pause without
turning his head.
"Yes, and you flew into a rage about it,
especially when I brought Zametov one day."
"Zametov? The head clerk? What for?"
Raskolnikov turned round quickly and fixed his eyes on Razumihin.
"What's the matter with you?... What are you
upset about? He wanted to make your acquaintance because I talked to him
a lot about you.... How could I have found out so much except from him?
He is a capital fellow, brother, first-rate... in his own way, of
course. Now we are friends—see each other almost every day. I have
moved into this part, you know. I have only just moved. I've been with
him to Luise Ivanovna once or twice.... Do you remember Luise, Luise
Ivanovna?
"Did I say anything in delirium?"
"I should think so! You were beside
yourself."
"What did I rave about?"
"What next? What did you rave about? What
people do rave about.... Well, brother, now I must not lose time. To
work." He got up from the table and took up his cap.
"What did I rave about?"
"How he keeps on! Are you afraid of having
let out some secret? Don't worry yourself; you said nothing about a
countess. But you said a lot about a bulldog, and about ear-rings and
chains, and about Krestovsky Island, and some porter, and Nikodim
Fomitch and Ilya Petrovitch, the assistant superintendent. And another
thing that was of special interest to you was your own sock. You whined,
'Give me my sock.' Zametov hunted all about your room for your socks,
and with his own scented, ring-bedecked fingers he gave you the rag. And
only then were you comforted, and for the next twenty-four hours you
held the wretched thing in your hand; we could not get it from you. It
is most likely somewhere under your quilt at this moment. And then you
asked so piteously for fringe for your trousers. We tried to find out
what sort of fringe, but we could not make it out. Now to business! Here
are thirty-five roubles; I take ten of them, and shall give you an
account of them in an hour or two. I will let Zossimov know at the same
time, though he ought to have been here long ago, for it is nearly
twelve. And you, Nastasya, look in pretty often while I am away, to see
whether he wants a drink or anything else. And I will tell Pashenka what
is wanted myself. Good-bye!"
"He calls her Pashenka! Ah, he's a deep
one!" said Nastasya as he went out; then she opened the door and
stood listening, but could not resist running downstairs after him. She
was very eager to hear what he would say to the landlady. She was
evidently quite fascinated by Razumihin.
No sooner had she left the room than the sick man
flung off the bedclothes and leapt out of bed like a madman. With
burning, twitching impatience he had waited for them to be gone so that
he might set to work. But to what work? Now, as though to spite him, it
eluded him.
"Good God, only tell me one thing: do they
know of it yet or not? What if they know it and are only pretending,
mocking me while I am laid up, and then they will come in and tell me
that it's been discovered long ago and that they have only... What am I
to do now? That's what I've forgotten, as though on purpose; forgotten
it all at once, I remembered a minute ago."
He stood in the middle of the room and gazed in
miserable bewilderment about him; he walked to the door, opened it,
listened; but that was not what he wanted. Suddenly, as though recalling
something, he rushed to the corner where there was a hole under the
paper, began examining it, put his hand into the hole, fumbled—but
that was not it. He went to the stove, opened it and began rummaging in
the ashes; the frayed edges of his trousers and the rags cut off his
pocket were lying there just as he had thrown them. No one had looked,
then! Then he remembered the sock about which Razumihin had just been
telling him. Yes, there it lay on the sofa under the quilt, but it was
so covered with dust and grime that Zametov could not have seen anything
on it.
"Bah, Zametov! The police office! And why am
I sent for to the police office? Where's the notice? Bah! I am mixing it
up; that was then. I looked at my sock then, too, but now... now I have
been ill. But what did Zametov come for? Why did Razumihin bring
him?" he muttered, helplessly sitting on the sofa again. "What
does it mean? Am I still in delirium, or is it real? I believe it is
real.... Ah, I remember; I must escape! Make haste to escape. Yes, I
must, I must escape! Yes... but where? And where are my clothes? I've no
boots. They've taken them away! They've hidden them! I understand! Ah,
here is my coat—they passed that over! And here is money on the table,
thank God! And here's the I O U... I'll take the money and go and take
another lodging. They won't find me!... Yes, but the address bureau?
They'll find me, Razumihin will find me. Better escape altogether... far
away... to America, and let them do their worst! And take the I O U...
it would be of use there.... What else shall I take? They think I am
ill! They don't know that I can walk, ha-ha-ha! I could see by their
eyes that they know all about it! If only I could get downstairs! And
what if they have set a watch there—policemen! What's this tea? Ah,
and here is beer left, half a bottle, cold!"
He snatched up the bottle, which still contained a
glassful of beer, and gulped it down with relish, as though quenching a
flame in his breast. But in another minute the beer had gone to his
head, and a faint and even pleasant shiver ran down his spine. He lay
down and pulled the quilt over him. His sick and incoherent thoughts
grew more and more disconnected, and soon a light, pleasant drowsiness
came upon him. With a sense of comfort he nestled his head into the
pillow, wrapped more closely about him the soft, wadded quilt which had
replaced the old, ragged greatcoat, sighed softly and sank into a deep,
sound, refreshing sleep.
He woke up, hearing someone come in. He opened his
eyes and saw Razumihin standing in the doorway, uncertain whether to
come in or not. Raskolnikov sat up quickly on the sofa and gazed at him,
as though trying to recall something.
"Ah, you are not asleep! Here I am! Nastasya,
bring in the parcel!" Razumihin shouted down the stairs. "You
shall have the account directly."
"What time is it?" asked Raskolnikov,
looking round uneasily.
"Yes, you had a fine sleep, brother, it's
almost evening, it will be six o'clock directly. You have slept more
than six hours."
"Good heavens! Have I?"
"And why not? It will do you good. What's the
hurry? A tryst, is it? We've all time before us. I've been waiting for
the last three hours for you; I've been up twice and found you asleep.
I've called on Zossimov twice; not at home, only fancy! But no matter,
he will turn up. And I've been out on my own business, too. You know
I've been moving to-day, moving with my uncle. I have an uncle living
with me now. But that's no matter, to business. Give me the parcel,
Nastasya. We will open it directly. And how do you feel now,
brother?"
"I am quite well, I am not ill. Razumihin,
have you been here long?"
"I tell you I've been waiting for the last
three hours."
"No, before."
"How do you mean?"
"How long have you been coming here?"
"Why I told you all about it this morning.
Don't you remember?"
Raskolnikov pondered. The morning seemed like a
dream to him. He could not remember alone, and looked inquiringly at
Razumihin.
"Hm!" said the latter, "he has
forgotten. I fancied then that you were not quite yourself. Now you are
better for your sleep.... You really look much better. First-rate! Well,
to business. Look here, my dear boy."
He began untying the bundle, which evidently
interested him.
"Believe me, brother, this is something
specially near my heart. For we must make a man of you. Let's begin from
the top. Do you see this cap?" he said, taking out of the bundle a
fairly good though cheap and ordinary cap. "Let me try it on."
"Presently, afterwards," said
Raskolnikov, waving it off pettishly.
"Come, Rodya, my boy, don't oppose it,
afterwards will be too late; and I shan't sleep all night, for I bought
it by guess, without measure. Just right!" he cried triumphantly,
fitting it on, "just your size! A proper head-covering is the first
thing in dress and a recommendation in its own way. Tolstyakov, a friend
of mine, is always obliged to take off his pudding basin when he goes
into any public place where other people wear their hats or caps. People
think he does it from slavish politeness, but it's simply because he is
ashamed of his bird's nest; he is such a boastful fellow! Look,
Nastasya, here are two specimens of headgear: this Palmerston"—he
took from the corner Raskolnikov's old, battered hat, which for some
unknown reason, he called a Palmerston—"or this jewel! Guess the
price, Rodya, what do you suppose I paid for it, Nastasya!" he
said, turning to her, seeing that Raskolnikov did not speak.
"Twenty copecks, no more, I dare say,"
answered Nastasya.
"Twenty copecks, silly!" he cried,
offended. "Why, nowadays you would cost more than that—eighty
copecks! And that only because it has been worn. And it's bought on
condition that when's it's worn out, they will give you another next
year. Yes, on my word! Well, now let us pass to the United States of
America, as they called them at school. I assure you I am proud of these
breeches," and he exhibited to Raskolnikov a pair of light, summer
trousers of grey woollen material. "No holes, no spots, and quite
respectable, although a little worn; and a waistcoat to match, quite in
the fashion. And its being worn really is an improvement, it's softer,
smoother.... You see, Rodya, to my thinking, the great thing for getting
on in the world is always to keep to the seasons; if you don't insist on
having asparagus in January, you keep your money in your purse; and it's
the same with this purchase. It's summer now, so I've been buying summer
things—warmer materials will be wanted for autumn, so you will have to
throw these away in any case... especially as they will be done for by
then from their own lack of coherence if not your higher standard of
luxury. Come, price them! What do you say? Two roubles twenty-five
copecks! And remember the condition: if you wear these out, you will
have another suit for nothing! They only do business on that system at
Fedyaev's; if you've bought a thing once, you are satisfied for life,
for you will never go there again of your own free will. Now for the
boots. What do you say? You see that they are a bit worn, but they'll
last a couple of months, for it's foreign work and foreign leather; the
secretary of the English Embassy sold them last week—he had only worn
them six days, but he was very short of cash. Price—a rouble and a
half. A bargain?"
"But perhaps they won't fit," observed
Nastasya.
"Not fit? Just look!" and he pulled out
of his pocket Raskolnikov's old, broken boot, stiffly coated with dry
mud. "I did not go empty-handed—they took the size from this
monster. We all did our best. And as to your linen, your landlady has
seen to that. Here, to begin with are three shirts, hempen but with a
fashionable front.... Well now then, eighty copecks the cap, two roubles
twenty-five copecks the suit—together three roubles five copecks—a
rouble and a half for the boots—for, you see, they are very good—and
that makes four roubles fifty-five copecks; five roubles for the
underclothes—they were bought in the lo—which makes exactly nine
roubles fifty-five copecks. Forty-five copecks change in coppers. Will
you take it? And so, Rodya, you are set up with a complete new rig-out,
for your overcoat will serve, and even has a style of its own. That
comes from getting one's clothes from Sharmer's! As for your socks and
other things, I leave them to you; we've twenty-five roubles left. And
as for Pashenka and paying for your lodging, don't you worry. I tell you
she'll trust you for anything. And now, brother, let me change your
linen, for I daresay you will throw off your illness with your
shirt."
"Let me be! I don't want to!"
Raskolnikov waved him off. He had listened with disgust to Razumihin's
efforts to be playful about his purchases.
"Come, brother, don't tell me I've been
trudging around for nothing," Razumihin insisted. "Nastasya,
don't be bashful, but help me—that's it," and in spite of
Raskolnikov's resistance he changed his linen. The latter sank back on
the pillows and for a minute or two said nothing.
"It will be long before I get rid of
them," he thought. "What money was all that bought with?"
he asked at last, gazing at the wall.
"Money? Why, your own, what the messenger
brought from Vahrushin, your mother sent it. Have you forgotten that,
too?"
"I remember now," said Raskolnikov after
a long, sullen silence. Razumihin looked at him, frowning and uneasy.
The door opened and a tall, stout man whose
appearance seemed familiar to Raskolnikov came in.
CHAPTER IV
Zossimov was a tall, fat man with a puffy,
colourless, clean-shaven face and straight flaxen hair. He wore
spectacles, and a big gold ring on his fat finger. He was twenty-seven.
He had on a light grey fashionable loose coat, light summer trousers,
and everything about him loose, fashionable and spick and span; his
linen was irreproachable, his watch-chain was massive. In manner he was
slow and, as it were, nonchalant, and at the same time studiously free
and easy; he made efforts to conceal his self-importance, but it was
apparent at every instant. All his acquaintances found him tedious, but
said he was clever at his work.
"I've been to you twice to-day, brother. You
see, he's come to himself," cried Razumihin.
"I see, I see; and how do we feel now,
eh?" said Zossimov to Raskolnikov, watching him carefully and,
sitting down at the foot of the sofa, he settled himself as comfortably
as he could.
"He is still depressed," Razumihin went
on. "We've just changed his linen and he almost cried."
"That's very natural; you might have put it
off if he did not wish it.... His pulse is first-rate. Is your head
still aching, eh?"
"I am well, I am perfectly well!"
Raskolnikov declared positively and irritably. He raised himself on the
sofa and looked at them with glittering eyes, but sank back on to the
pillow at once and turned to the wall. Zossimov watched him intently.
"Very good.... Going on all right," he
said lazily. "Has he eaten anything?"
They told him, and asked what he might have.
"He may have anything... soup, tea...
mushrooms and cucumbers, of course, you must not give him; he'd better
not have meat either, and... but no need to tell you that!"
Razumihin and he looked at each other. "No more medicine or
anything. I'll look at him again to-morrow. Perhaps, to-day even... but
never mind..."
"To-morrow evening I shall take him for a
walk," said Razumihin. "We are going to the Yusupov garden and
then to the Palais de Crystal."
"I would not disturb him to-morrow at all,
but I don't know... a little, maybe... but we'll see."
"Ach, what a nuisance! I've got a
house-warming party to-night; it's only a step from here. Couldn't he
come? He could lie on the sofa. You are coming?" Razumihin said to
Zossimov. "Don't forget, you promised."
"All right, only rather later. What are you
going to do?"
"Oh, nothing—tea, vodka, herrings. There
will be a pie... just our friends."
"And who?"
"All neighbours here, almost all new friends,
except my old uncle, and he is new too—he only arrived in Petersburg
yesterday to see to some business of his. We meet once in five
years."
"What is he?"
"He's been stagnating all his life as a
district postmaster; gets a little pension. He is sixty-five—not worth
talking about.... But I am fond of him. Porfiry Petrovitch, the head of
the Investigation Department here... But you know him."
"Is he a relation of yours, too?"
"A very distant one. But why are you
scowling? Because you quarrelled once, won't you come then?"
"I don't care a damn for him."
"So much the better. Well, there will be some
students, a teacher, a government clerk, a musician, an officer and
Zametov."
"Do tell me, please, what you or
he"—Zossimov nodded at Raskolnikov—"can have in common
with this Zametov?"
"Oh, you particular gentleman! Principles!
You are worked by principles, as it were by springs; you won't venture
to turn round on your own account. If a man is a nice fellow, that's the
only principle I go upon. Zametov is a delightful person."
"Though he does take bribes."
"Well, he does! and what of it? I don't care
if he does take bribes," Razumihin cried with unnatural
irritability. "I don't praise him for taking bribes. I only say he
is a nice man in his own way! But if one looks at men in all ways—are
there many good ones left? Why, I am sure I shouldn't be worth a baked
onion myself... perhaps with you thrown in."
"That's too little; I'd give two for
you."
"And I wouldn't give more than one for you.
No more of your jokes! Zametov is no more than a boy. I can pull his
hair and one must draw him not repel him. You'll never improve a man by
repelling him, especially a boy. One has to be twice as careful with a
boy. Oh, you progressive dullards! You don't understand. You harm
yourselves running another man down.... But if you want to know, we
really have something in common."
"I should like to know what."
"Why, it's all about a house-painter.... We
are getting him out of a mess! Though indeed there's nothing to fear
now. The matter is absolutely self-evident. We only put on steam."
"A painter?"
"Why, haven't I told you about it? I only
told you the beginning then about the murder of the old
pawnbroker-woman. Well, the painter is mixed up in it..."
"Oh, I heard about that murder before and was
rather interested in it... partly... for one reason.... I read about it
in the papers, too...."
"Lizaveta was murdered, too," Nastasya
blurted out, suddenly addressing Raskolnikov. She remained in the room
all the time, standing by the door listening.
"Lizaveta," murmured Raskolnikov hardly
audibly.
"Lizaveta, who sold old clothes. Didn't you
know her? She used to come here. She mended a shirt for you, too."
Raskolnikov turned to the wall where in the dirty,
yellow paper he picked out one clumsy, white flower with brown lines on
it and began examining how many petals there were in it, how many
scallops in the petals and how many lines on them. He felt his arms and
legs as lifeless as though they had been cut off. He did not attempt to
move, but stared obstinately at the flower.
"But what about the painter?" Zossimov
interrupted Nastasya's chatter with marked displeasure. She sighed and
was silent.
"Why, he was accused of the murder,"
Razumihin went on hotly.
"Was there evidence against him then?"
"Evidence, indeed! Evidence that was no
evidence, and that's what we have to prove. It was just as they pitched
on those fellows, Koch and Pestryakov, at first. Foo! how stupidly it's
all done, it makes one sick, though it's not one's business! Pestryakov
may be coming to-night.... By the way, Rodya, you've heard about the
business already; it happened before you were ill, the day before you
fainted at the police office while they were talking about it."
Zossimov looked curiously at Raskolnikov. He did
not stir.
"But I say, Razumihin, I wonder at you. What
a busybody you are!" Zossimov observed.
"Maybe I am, but we will get him off
anyway," shouted Razumihin, bringing his fist down on the table.
"What's the most offensive is not their lying—one can always
forgive lying—lying is a delightful thing, for it leads to
truth—what is offensive is that they lie and worship their own
lying.... I respect Porfiry, but... What threw them out at first? The
door was locked, and when they came back with the porter it was open. So
it followed that Koch and Pestryakov were the murderers—that was their
logic!"
"But don't excite yourself; they simply
detained them, they could not help that.... And, by the way, I've met
that man Koch. He used to buy unredeemed pledges from the old woman?
Eh?"
"Yes, he is a swindler. He buys up bad debts,
too. He makes a profession of it. But enough of him! Do you know what
makes me angry? It's their sickening rotten, petrified routine.... And
this case might be the means of introducing a new method. One can show
from the psychological data alone how to get on the track of the real
man. 'We have facts,' they say. But facts are not everything—at least
half the business lies in how you interpret them!"
"Can you interpret them, then?"
"Anyway, one can't hold one's tongue when one
has a feeling, a tangible feeling, that one might be a help if only....
Eh! Do you know the details of the case?"
"I am waiting to hear about the
painter."
"Oh, yes! Well, here's the story. Early on
the third day after the murder, when they were still dandling Koch and
Pestryakov—though they accounted for every step they took and it was
as plain as a pikestaff-an unexpected fact turned up. A peasant called
Dushkin, who keeps a dram-shop facing the house, brought to the police
office a jeweller's case containing some gold ear-rings, and told a long
rigamarole. 'The day before yesterday, just after eight o'clock'—mark
the day and the hour!—'a journeyman house-painter, Nikolay, who had
been in to see me already that day, brought me this box of gold
ear-rings and stones, and asked me to give him two roubles for them.
When I asked him where he got them, he said that he picked them up in
the street. I did not ask him anything more.' I am telling you Dushkin's
story. 'I gave him a note'—a rouble that is—'for I thought if he did
not pawn it with me he would with another. It would all come to the same
thing—he'd spend it on drink, so the thing had better be with me. The
further you hide it the quicker you will find it, and if anything turns
up, if I hear any rumours, I'll take it to the police.' Of course,
that's all taradiddle; he lies like a horse, for I know this Dushkin, he
is a pawnbroker and a receiver of stolen goods, and he did not cheat
Nikolay out of a thirty-rouble trinket in order to give it to the
police. He was simply afraid. But no matter, to return to Dushkin's
story. 'I've known this peasant, Nikolay Dementyev, from a child; he
comes from the same province and district of Zaraïsk, we are both
Ryazan men. And though Nikolay is not a drunkard, he drinks, and I knew
he had a job in that house, painting work with Dmitri, who comes from
the same village, too. As soon as he got the rouble he changed it, had a
couple of glasses, took his change and went out. But I did not see
Dmitri with him then. And the next day I heard that someone had murdered
Alyona Ivanovna and her sister, Lizaveta Ivanovna, with an axe. I knew
them, and I felt suspicious about the ear-rings at once, for I knew the
murdered woman lent money on pledges. I went to the house, and began to
make careful inquiries without saying a word to anyone. First of all I
asked, "Is Nikolay here?" Dmitri told me that Nikolay had gone
off on the spree; he had come home at daybreak drunk, stayed in the
house about ten minutes, and went out again. Dmitri didn't see him again
and is finishing the job alone. And their job is on the same staircase
as the murder, on the second floor. When I heard all that I did not say
a word to anyone'—that's Dushkin's tale—'but I found out what I
could about the murder, and went home feeling as suspicious as ever. And
at eight o'clock this morning'—that was the third day, you
understand—'I saw Nikolay coming in, not sober, though not to say very
drunk—he could understand what was said to him. He sat down on the
bench and did not speak. There was only one stranger in the bar and a
man I knew asleep on a bench and our two boys. "Have you seen
Dmitri?" said I. "No, I haven't," said he. "And
you've not been here either?" "Not since the day before
yesterday," said he. "And where did you sleep last
night?" "In Peski, with the Kolomensky men." "And
where did you get those ear-rings?" I asked. "I found them in
the street," and the way he said it was a bit queer; he did not
look at me. "Did you hear what happened that very evening, at that
very hour, on that same staircase?" said I. "No," said
he, "I had not heard," and all the while he was listening, his
eyes were staring out of his head and he turned as white as chalk. I
told him all about it and he took his hat and began getting up. I wanted
to keep him. "Wait a bit, Nikolay," said I, "won't you
have a drink?" And I signed to the boy to hold the door, and I came
out from behind the bar; but he darted out and down the street to the
turning at a run. I have not seen him since. Then my doubts were at an
end—it was his doing, as clear as could be....'"
"I should think so," said Zossimov.
"Wait! Hear the end. Of course they sought
high and low for Nikolay; they detained Dushkin and searched his house;
Dmitri, too, was arrested; the Kolomensky men also were turned inside
out. And the day before yesterday they arrested Nikolay in a tavern at
the end of the town. He had gone there, taken the silver cross off his
neck and asked for a dram for it. They gave it to him. A few minutes
afterwards the woman went to the cowshed, and through a crack in the
wall she saw in the stable adjoining he had made a noose of his sash
from the beam, stood on a block of wood, and was trying to put his neck
in the noose. The woman screeched her hardest; people ran in. 'So that's
what you are up to!' 'Take me,' he says, 'to such-and-such a police
officer; I'll confess everything.' Well, they took him to that police
station—that is here—with a suitable escort. So they asked him this
and that, how old he is, 'twenty-two,' and so on. At the question, 'When
you were working with Dmitri, didn't you see anyone on the staircase at
such-and-such a time?'—answer: 'To be sure folks may have gone up and
down, but I did not notice them.' 'And didn't you hear anything, any
noise, and so on?' 'We heard nothing special.' 'And did you hear,
Nikolay, that on the same day Widow So-and-so and her sister were
murdered and robbed?' 'I never knew a thing about it. The first I heard
of it was from Afanasy Pavlovitch the day before yesterday.' 'And where
did you find the ear-rings?' 'I found them on the pavement.' 'Why didn't
you go to work with Dmitri the other day?' 'Because I was drinking.'
'And where were you drinking?' 'Oh, in such-and-such a place.' 'Why did
you run away from Dushkin's?' 'Because I was awfully frightened.' 'What
were you frightened of?' 'That I should be accused.' 'How could you be
frightened, if you felt free from guilt?' Now, Zossimov, you may not
believe me, that question was put literally in those words. I know it
for a fact, it was repeated to me exactly! What do you say to
that?"
"Well, anyway, there's the evidence."
"I am not talking of the evidence now, I am
talking about that question, of their own idea of themselves. Well, so
they squeezed and squeezed him and he confessed: 'I did not find it in
the street, but in the flat where I was painting with Dmitri.' 'And how
was that?' 'Why, Dmitri and I were painting there all day, and we were
just getting ready to go, and Dmitri took a brush and painted my face,
and he ran off and I after him. I ran after him, shouting my hardest,
and at the bottom of the stairs I ran right against the porter and some
gentlemen—and how many gentlemen were there I don't remember. And the
porter swore at me, and the other porter swore, too, and the porter's
wife came out, and swore at us, too; and a gentleman came into the entry
with a lady, and he swore at us, too, for Dmitri and I lay right across
the way. I got hold of Dmitri's hair and knocked him down and began
beating him. And Dmitri, too, caught me by the hair and began beating
me. But we did it all not for temper but in a friendly way, for sport.
And then Dmitri escaped and ran into the street, and I ran after him;
but I did not catch him, and went back to the flat alone; I had to clear
up my things. I began putting them together, expecting Dmitri to come,
and there in the passage, in the corner by the door, I stepped on the
box. I saw it lying there wrapped up in paper. I took off the paper, saw
some little hooks, undid them, and in the box were the
ear-rings....'"
"Behind the door? Lying behind the door?
Behind the door?" Raskolnikov cried suddenly, staring with a blank
look of terror at Razumihin, and he slowly sat up on the sofa, leaning
on his hand.
"Yes... why? What's the matter? What's
wrong?" Razumihin, too, got up from his seat.
"Nothing," Raskolnikov answered faintly,
turning to the wall. All were silent for a while.
"He must have waked from a dream,"
Razumihin said at last, looking inquiringly at Zossimov. The latter
slightly shook his head.
"Well, go on," said Zossimov. "What
next?"
"What next? As soon as he saw the ear-rings,
forgetting Dmitri and everything, he took up his cap and ran to Dushkin
and, as we know, got a rouble from him. He told a lie saying he found
them in the street, and went off drinking. He keeps repeating his old
story about the murder: 'I know nothing of it, never heard of it till
the day before yesterday.' 'And why didn't you come to the police till
now?' 'I was frightened.' 'And why did you try to hang yourself?' 'From
anxiety.' 'What anxiety?' 'That I should be accused of it.' Well, that's
the whole story. And now what do you suppose they deduced from
that?"
"Why, there's no supposing. There's a clue,
such as it is, a fact. You wouldn't have your painter set free?"
"Now they've simply taken him for the
murderer. They haven't a shadow of doubt."
"That's nonsense. You are excited. But what
about the ear-rings? You must admit that, if on the very same day and
hour ear-rings from the old woman's box have come into Nikolay's hands,
they must have come there somehow. That's a good deal in such a
case."
"How did they get there? How did they get
there?" cried Razumihin. "How can you, a doctor, whose duty it
is to study man and who has more opportunity than anyone else for
studying human nature—how can you fail to see the character of the man
in the whole story? Don't you see at once that the answers he has given
in the examination are the holy truth? They came into his hand precisely
as he has told us—he stepped on the box and picked it up."
"The holy truth! But didn't he own himself
that he told a lie at first?"
"Listen to me, listen attentively. The porter
and Koch and Pestryakov and the other porter and the wife of the first
porter and the woman who was sitting in the porter's lodge and the man
Kryukov, who had just got out of a cab at that minute and went in at the
entry with a lady on his arm, that is eight or ten witnesses, agree that
Nikolay had Dmitri on the ground, was lying on him beating him, while
Dmitri hung on to his hair, beating him, too. They lay right across the
way, blocking the thoroughfare. They were sworn at on all sides while
they 'like children' (the very words of the witnesses) were falling over
one another, squealing, fighting and laughing with the funniest faces,
and, chasing one another like children, they ran into the street. Now
take careful note. The bodies upstairs were warm, you understand, warm
when they found them! If they, or Nikolay alone, had murdered them and
broken open the boxes, or simply taken part in the robbery, allow me to
ask you one question: do their state of mind, their squeals and giggles
and childish scuffling at the gate fit in with axes, bloodshed, fiendish
cunning, robbery? They'd just killed them, not five or ten minutes
before, for the bodies were still warm, and at once, leaving the flat
open, knowing that people would go there at once, flinging away their
booty, they rolled about like children, laughing and attracting general
attention. And there are a dozen witnesses to swear to that!"
"Of course it is strange! It's impossible,
indeed, but..."
"No, brother, no buts. And if the
ear-rings being found in Nikolay's hands at the very day and hour of the
murder constitutes an important piece of circumstantial evidence against
him—although the explanation given by him accounts for it, and
therefore it does not tell seriously against him—one must take into
consideration the facts which prove him innocent, especially as they are
facts that cannot be denied. And do you suppose, from the
character of our legal system, that they will accept, or that they are
in a position to accept, this fact—resting simply on a psychological
impossibility—as irrefutable and conclusively breaking down the
circumstantial evidence for the prosecution? No, they won't accept it,
they certainly won't, because they found the jewel-case and the man
tried to hang himself, 'which he could not have done if he hadn't felt
guilty.' That's the point, that's what excites me, you must
understand!"
"Oh, I see you are excited! Wait a bit. I
forgot to ask you; what proof is there that the box came from the old
woman?"
"That's been proved," said Razumihin
with apparent reluctance, frowning. "Koch recognised the jewel-case
and gave the name of the owner, who proved conclusively that it was
his."
"That's bad. Now another point. Did anyone
see Nikolay at the time that Koch and Pestryakov were going upstairs at
first, and is there no evidence about that?"
"Nobody did see him," Razumihin answered
with vexation. "That's the worst of it. Even Koch and Pestryakov
did not notice them on their way upstairs, though, indeed, their
evidence could not have been worth much. They said they saw the flat was
open, and that there must be work going on in it, but they took no
special notice and could not remember whether there actually were men at
work in it."
"Hm!... So the only evidence for the defence
is that they were beating one another and laughing. That constitutes a
strong presumption, but... How do you explain the facts yourself?"
"How do I explain them? What is there to
explain? It's clear. At any rate, the direction in which explanation is
to be sought is clear, and the jewel-case points to it. The real
murderer dropped those ear-rings. The murderer was upstairs, locked in,
when Koch and Pestryakov knocked at the door. Koch, like an ass, did not
stay at the door; so the murderer popped out and ran down, too; for he
had no other way of escape. He hid from Koch, Pestryakov and the porter
in the flat when Nikolay and Dmitri had just run out of it. He stopped
there while the porter and others were going upstairs, waited till they
were out of hearing, and then went calmly downstairs at the very minute
when Dmitri and Nikolay ran out into the street and there was no one in
the entry; possibly he was seen, but not noticed. There are lots of
people going in and out. He must have dropped the ear-rings out of his
pocket when he stood behind the door, and did not notice he dropped
them, because he had other things to think of. The jewel-case is a
conclusive proof that he did stand there.... That's how I explain
it."
"Too clever! No, my boy, you're too clever.
That beats everything."
"But, why, why?"
"Why, because everything fits too well...
it's too melodramatic."
"A-ach!" Razumihin was exclaiming, but
at that moment the door opened and a personage came in who was a
stranger to all present.
CHAPTER V
This was a gentleman no longer young, of a stiff
and portly appearance, and a cautious and sour countenance. He began by
stopping short in the doorway, staring about him with offensive and
undisguised astonishment, as though asking himself what sort of place he
had come to. Mistrustfully and with an affectation of being alarmed and
almost affronted, he scanned Raskolnikov's low and narrow
"cabin." With the same amazement he stared at Raskolnikov, who
lay undressed, dishevelled, unwashed, on his miserable dirty sofa,
looking fixedly at him. Then with the same deliberation he scrutinised
the uncouth, unkempt figure and unshaven face of Razumihin, who looked
him boldly and inquiringly in the face without rising from his seat. A
constrained silence lasted for a couple of minutes, and then, as might
be expected, some scene-shifting took place. Reflecting, probably from
certain fairly unmistakable signs, that he would get nothing in this
"cabin" by attempting to overawe them, the gentleman softened
somewhat, and civilly, though with some severity, emphasising every
syllable of his question, addressed Zossimov:
"Rodion Romanovitch Raskolnikov, a student,
or formerly a student?"
Zossimov made a slight movement, and would have
answered, had not Razumihin anticipated him.
"Here he is lying on the sofa! What do you
want?"
This familiar "what do you want" seemed
to cut the ground from the feet of the pompous gentleman. He was turning
to Razumihin, but checked himself in time and turned to Zossimov again.
"This is Raskolnikov," mumbled Zossimov,
nodding towards him. Then he gave a prolonged yawn, opening his mouth as
wide as possible. Then he lazily put his hand into his waistcoat-pocket,
pulled out a huge gold watch in a round hunter's case, opened it, looked
at it and as slowly and lazily proceeded to put it back.
Raskolnikov himself lay without speaking, on his
back, gazing persistently, though without understanding, at the
stranger. Now that his face was turned away from the strange flower on
the paper, it was extremely pale and wore a look of anguish, as though
he had just undergone an agonising operation or just been taken from the
rack. But the new-comer gradually began to arouse his attention, then
his wonder, then suspicion and even alarm. When Zossimov said "This
is Raskolnikov" he jumped up quickly, sat on the sofa and with an
almost defiant, but weak and breaking, voice articulated:
"Yes, I am Raskolnikov! What do you
want?"
The visitor scrutinised him and pronounced
impressively:
"Pyotr Petrovitch Luzhin. I believe I have
reason to hope that my name is not wholly unknown to you?"
But Raskolnikov, who had expected something quite
different, gazed blankly and dreamily at him, making no reply, as though
he heard the name of Pyotr Petrovitch for the first time.
"Is it possible that you can up to the
present have received no information?" asked Pyotr Petrovitch,
somewhat disconcerted.
In reply Raskolnikov sank languidly back on the
pillow, put his hands behind his head and gazed at the ceiling. A look
of dismay came into Luzhin's face. Zossimov and Razumihin stared at him
more inquisitively than ever, and at last he showed unmistakable signs
of embarrassment.
"I had presumed and calculated," he
faltered, "that a letter posted more than ten days, if not a
fortnight ago..."
"I say, why are you standing in the
doorway?" Razumihin interrupted suddenly. "If you've something
to say, sit down. Nastasya and you are so crowded. Nastasya, make room.
Here's a chair, thread your way in!"
He moved his chair back from the table, made a
little space between the table and his knees, and waited in a rather
cramped position for the visitor to "thread his way in." The
minute was so chosen that it was impossible to refuse, and the visitor
squeezed his way through, hurrying and stumbling. Reaching the chair, he
sat down, looking suspiciously at Razumihin.
"No need to be nervous," the latter
blurted out. "Rodya has been ill for the last five days and
delirious for three, but now he is recovering and has got an appetite.
This is his doctor, who has just had a look at him. I am a comrade of
Rodya's, like him, formerly a student, and now I am nursing him; so
don't you take any notice of us, but go on with your business."
"Thank you. But shall I not disturb the
invalid by my presence and conversation?" Pyotr Petrovitch asked of
Zossimov.
"N-no," mumbled Zossimov; "you may
amuse him." He yawned again.
"He has been conscious a long time, since the
morning," went on Razumihin, whose familiarity seemed so much like
unaffected good-nature that Pyotr Petrovitch began to be more cheerful,
partly, perhaps, because this shabby and impudent person had introduced
himself as a student.
"Your mamma," began Luzhin.
"Hm!" Razumihin cleared his throat
loudly. Luzhin looked at him inquiringly.
"That's all right, go on."
Luzhin shrugged his shoulders.
"Your mamma had commenced a letter to you
while I was sojourning in her neighbourhood. On my arrival here I
purposely allowed a few days to elapse before coming to see you, in
order that I might be fully assured that you were in full possession of
the tidings; but now, to my astonishment..."
"I know, I know!" Raskolnikov cried
suddenly with impatient vexation. "So you are the fiancé? I
know, and that's enough!"
There was no doubt about Pyotr Petrovitch's being
offended this time, but he said nothing. He made a violent effort to
understand what it all meant. There was a moment's silence.
Meanwhile Raskolnikov, who had turned a little
towards him when he answered, began suddenly staring at him again with
marked curiosity, as though he had not had a good look at him yet, or as
though something new had struck him; he rose from his pillow on purpose
to stare at him. There certainly was something peculiar in Pyotr
Petrovitch's whole appearance, something which seemed to justify the
title of "fiancé" so unceremoniously applied to him. In the
first place, it was evident, far too much so indeed, that Pyotr
Petrovitch had made eager use of his few days in the capital to get
himself up and rig himself out in expectation of his betrothed—a
perfectly innocent and permissible proceeding, indeed. Even his own,
perhaps too complacent, consciousness of the agreeable improvement in
his appearance might have been forgiven in such circumstances, seeing
that Pyotr Petrovitch had taken up the rôle of fiancé. All his clothes
were fresh from the tailor's and were all right, except for being too
new and too distinctly appropriate. Even the stylish new round hat had
the same significance. Pyotr Petrovitch treated it too respectfully and
held it too carefully in his hands. The exquisite pair of lavender
gloves, real Louvain, told the same tale, if only from the fact of his
not wearing them, but carrying them in his hand for show. Light and
youthful colours predominated in Pyotr Petrovitch's attire. He wore a
charming summer jacket of a fawn shade, light thin trousers, a waistcoat
of the same, new and fine linen, a cravat of the lightest cambric with
pink stripes on it, and the best of it was, this all suited Pyotr
Petrovitch. His very fresh and even handsome face looked younger than
his forty-five years at all times. His dark, mutton-chop whiskers made
an agreeable setting on both sides, growing thickly upon his shining,
clean-shaven chin. Even his hair, touched here and there with grey,
though it had been combed and curled at a hairdresser's, did not give
him a stupid appearance, as curled hair usually does, by inevitably
suggesting a German on his wedding-day. If there really was something
unpleasing and repulsive in his rather good-looking and imposing
countenance, it was due to quite other causes. After scanning Mr. Luzhin
unceremoniously, Raskolnikov smiled malignantly, sank back on the pillow
and stared at the ceiling as before.
But Mr. Luzhin hardened his heart and seemed to
determine to take no notice of their oddities.
"I feel the greatest regret at finding you in
this situation," he began, again breaking the silence with an
effort. "If I had been aware of your illness I should have come
earlier. But you know what business is. I have, too, a very important
legal affair in the Senate, not to mention other preoccupations which
you may well conjecture. I am expecting your mamma and sister any
minute."
Raskolnikov made a movement and seemed about to
speak; his face showed some excitement. Pyotr Petrovitch paused, waited,
but as nothing followed, he went on:
"... Any minute. I have found a lodging for
them on their arrival."
"Where?" asked Raskolnikov weakly.
"Very near here, in Bakaleyev's house."
"That's in Voskresensky," put in
Razumihin. "There are two storeys of rooms, let by a merchant
called Yushin; I've been there."
"Yes, rooms..."
"A disgusting place—filthy, stinking and,
what's more, of doubtful character. Things have happened there, and
there are all sorts of queer people living there. And I went there about
a scandalous business. It's cheap, though..."
"I could not, of course, find out so much
about it, for I am a stranger in Petersburg myself," Pyotr
Petrovitch replied huffily. "However, the two rooms are exceedingly
clean, and as it is for so short a time... I have already taken a
permanent, that is, our future flat," he said, addressing
Raskolnikov, "and I am having it done up. And meanwhile I am myself
cramped for room in a lodging with my friend Andrey Semyonovitch
Lebeziatnikov, in the flat of Madame Lippevechsel; it was he who told me
of Bakaleyev's house, too..."
"Lebeziatnikov?" said Raskolnikov
slowly, as if recalling something.
"Yes, Andrey Semyonovitch Lebeziatnikov, a
clerk in the Ministry. Do you know him?"
"Yes... no," Raskolnikov answered.
"Excuse me, I fancied so from your inquiry. I
was once his guardian.... A very nice young man and advanced. I like to
meet young people: one learns new things from them." Luzhin looked
round hopefully at them all.
"How do you mean?" asked Razumihin.
"In the most serious and essential
matters," Pyotr Petrovitch replied, as though delighted at the
question. "You see, it's ten years since I visited Petersburg. All
the novelties, reforms, ideas have reached us in the provinces, but to
see it all more clearly one must be in Petersburg. And it's my notion
that you observe and learn most by watching the younger generation. And
I confess I am delighted..."
"At what?"
"Your question is a wide one. I may be
mistaken, but I fancy I find clearer views, more, so to say, criticism,
more practicality..."
"That's true," Zossimov let drop.
"Nonsense! There's no practicality."
Razumihin flew at him. "Practicality is a difficult thing to find;
it does not drop down from heaven. And for the last two hundred years we
have been divorced from all practical life. Ideas, if you like, are
fermenting," he said to Pyotr Petrovitch, "and desire for good
exists, though it's in a childish form, and honesty you may find,
although there are crowds of brigands. Anyway, there's no practicality.
Practicality goes well shod."
"I don't agree with you," Pyotr
Petrovitch replied, with evident enjoyment. "Of course, people do
get carried away and make mistakes, but one must have indulgence; those
mistakes are merely evidence of enthusiasm for the cause and of abnormal
external environment. If little has been done, the time has been but
short; of means I will not speak. It's my personal view, if you care to
know, that something has been accomplished already. New valuable ideas,
new valuable works are circulating in the place of our old dreamy and
romantic authors. Literature is taking a maturer form, many injurious
prejudice have been rooted up and turned into ridicule.... In a word, we
have cut ourselves off irrevocably from the past, and that, to my
thinking, is a great thing..."
"He's learnt it by heart to show off!"
Raskolnikov pronounced suddenly.
"What?" asked Pyotr Petrovitch, not
catching his words; but he received no reply.
"That's all true," Zossimov hastened to
interpose.
"Isn't it so?" Pyotr Petrovitch went on,
glancing affably at Zossimov. "You must admit," he went on,
addressing Razumihin with a shade of triumph and superciliousness—he
almost added "young man"—"that there is an advance, or,
as they say now, progress in the name of science and economic
truth..."
"A commonplace."
"No, not a commonplace! Hitherto, for
instance, if I were told, 'love thy neighbour,' what came of it?"
Pyotr Petrovitch went on, perhaps with excessive haste. "It came to
my tearing my coat in half to share with my neighbour and we both were
left half naked. As a Russian proverb has it, 'Catch several hares and
you won't catch one.' Science now tells us, love yourself before all
men, for everything in the world rests on self-interest. You love
yourself and manage your own affairs properly and your coat remains
whole. Economic truth adds that the better private affairs are organised
in society—the more whole coats, so to say—the firmer are its
foundations and the better is the common welfare organised too.
Therefore, in acquiring wealth solely and exclusively for myself, I am
acquiring, so to speak, for all, and helping to bring to pass my
neighbour's getting a little more than a torn coat; and that not from
private, personal liberality, but as a consequence of the general
advance. The idea is simple, but unhappily it has been a long time
reaching us, being hindered by idealism and sentimentality. And yet it
would seem to want very little wit to perceive it..."
"Excuse me, I've very little wit
myself," Razumihin cut in sharply, "and so let us drop it. I
began this discussion with an object, but I've grown so sick during the
last three years of this chattering to amuse oneself, of this incessant
flow of commonplaces, always the same, that, by Jove, I blush even when
other people talk like that. You are in a hurry, no doubt, to exhibit
your acquirements; and I don't blame you, that's quite pardonable. I
only wanted to find out what sort of man you are, for so many
unscrupulous people have got hold of the progressive cause of late and
have so distorted in their own interests everything they touched, that
the whole cause has been dragged in the mire. That's enough!"
"Excuse me, sir," said Luzhin,
affronted, and speaking with excessive dignity. "Do you mean to
suggest so unceremoniously that I too..."
"Oh, my dear sir... how could I?... Come,
that's enough," Razumihin concluded, and he turned abruptly to
Zossimov to continue their previous conversation.
Pyotr Petrovitch had the good sense to accept the
disavowal. He made up his mind to take leave in another minute or two.
"I trust our acquaintance," he said,
addressing Raskolnikov, "may, upon your recovery and in view of the
circumstances of which you are aware, become closer... Above all, I hope
for your return to health..."
Raskolnikov did not even turn his head. Pyotr
Petrovitch began getting up from his chair.
"One of her customers must have killed
her," Zossimov declared positively.
"Not a doubt of it," replied Razumihin.
"Porfiry doesn't give his opinion, but is examining all who have
left pledges with her there."
"Examining them?" Raskolnikov asked
aloud.
"Yes. What then?"
"Nothing."
"How does he get hold of them?" asked
Zossimov.
"Koch has given the names of some of them,
other names are on the wrappers of the pledges and some have come
forward of themselves."
"It must have been a cunning and practised
ruffian! The boldness of it! The coolness!"
"That's just what it wasn't!" interposed
Razumihin. "That's what throws you all off the scent. But I
maintain that he is not cunning, not practised, and probably this was
his first crime! The supposition that it was a calculated crime and a
cunning criminal doesn't work. Suppose him to have been inexperienced,
and it's clear that it was only a chance that saved him—and chance may
do anything. Why, he did not foresee obstacles, perhaps! And how did he
set to work? He took jewels worth ten or twenty roubles, stuffing his
pockets with them, ransacked the old woman's trunks, her rags—and they
found fifteen hundred roubles, besides notes, in a box in the top drawer
of the chest! He did not know how to rob; he could only murder. It was
his first crime, I assure you, his first crime; he lost his head. And he
got off more by luck than good counsel!"
"You are talking of the murder of the old
pawnbroker, I believe?" Pyotr Petrovitch put in, addressing
Zossimov. He was standing, hat and gloves in hand, but before departing
he felt disposed to throw off a few more intellectual phrases. He was
evidently anxious to make a favourable impression and his vanity
overcame his prudence.
"Yes. You've heard of it?"
"Oh, yes, being in the neighbourhood."
"Do you know the details?"
"I can't say that; but another circumstance
interests me in the case—the whole question, so to say. Not to speak
of the fact that crime has been greatly on the increase among the lower
classes during the last five years, not to speak of the cases of robbery
and arson everywhere, what strikes me as the strangest thing is that in
the higher classes, too, crime is increasing proportionately. In one
place one hears of a student's robbing the mail on the high road; in
another place people of good social position forge false banknotes; in
Moscow of late a whole gang has been captured who used to forge lottery
tickets, and one of the ringleaders was a lecturer in universal history;
then our secretary abroad was murdered from some obscure motive of
gain.... And if this old woman, the pawnbroker, has been murdered by
someone of a higher class in society—for peasants don't pawn gold
trinkets—how are we to explain this demoralisation of the civilised
part of our society?"
"There are many economic changes," put
in Zossimov.
"How are we to explain it?" Razumihin
caught him up. "It might be explained by our inveterate
impracticality."
"How do you mean?"
"What answer had your lecturer in Moscow to
make to the question why he was forging notes? 'Everybody is getting
rich one way or another, so I want to make haste to get rich too.' I
don't remember the exact words, but the upshot was that he wants money
for nothing, without waiting or working! We've grown used to having
everything ready-made, to walking on crutches, to having our food chewed
for us. Then the great hour struck,[*] and every man showed himself in
his true colours."
[*] The emancipation of the serfs in 1861 is meant.
—TRANSLATOR'S NOTE.
"But morality? And so to speak,
principles..."
"But why do you worry about it?"
Raskolnikov interposed suddenly. "It's in accordance with your
theory!"
"In accordance with my theory?"
"Why, carry out logically the theory you were
advocating just now, and it follows that people may be killed..."
"Upon my word!" cried Luzhin.
"No, that's not so," put in Zossimov.
Raskolnikov lay with a white face and twitching
upper lip, breathing painfully.
"There's a measure in all things,"
Luzhin went on superciliously. "Economic ideas are not an
incitement to murder, and one has but to suppose..."
"And is it true," Raskolnikov interposed
once more suddenly, again in a voice quivering with fury and delight in
insulting him, "is it true that you told your fiancée...
within an hour of her acceptance, that what pleased you most... was that
she was a beggar... because it was better to raise a wife from poverty,
so that you may have complete control over her, and reproach her with
your being her benefactor?"
"Upon my word," Luzhin cried wrathfully
and irritably, crimson with confusion, "to distort my words in this
way! Excuse me, allow me to assure you that the report which has reached
you, or rather, let me say, has been conveyed to you, has no foundation
in truth, and I... suspect who... in a word... this arrow... in a word,
your mamma... She seemed to me in other things, with all her excellent
qualities, of a somewhat high-flown and romantic way of thinking.... But
I was a thousand miles from supposing that she would misunderstand and
misrepresent things in so fanciful a way.... And indeed...
indeed..."
"I tell you what," cried Raskolnikov,
raising himself on his pillow and fixing his piercing, glittering eyes
upon him, "I tell you what."
"What?" Luzhin stood still, waiting with
a defiant and offended face. Silence lasted for some seconds.
"Why, if ever again... you dare to mention a
single word... about my mother... I shall send you flying
downstairs!"
"What's the matter with you?" cried
Razumihin.
"So that's how it is?" Luzhin turned
pale and bit his lip. "Let me tell you, sir," he began
deliberately, doing his utmost to restrain himself but breathing hard,
"at the first moment I saw you you were ill-disposed to me, but I
remained here on purpose to find out more. I could forgive a great deal
in a sick man and a connection, but you... never after this..."
"I am not ill," cried Raskolnikov.
"So much the worse..."
"Go to hell!"
But Luzhin was already leaving without finishing
his speech, squeezing between the table and the chair; Razumihin got up
this time to let him pass. Without glancing at anyone, and not even
nodding to Zossimov, who had for some time been making signs to him to
let the sick man alone, he went out, lifting his hat to the level of his
shoulders to avoid crushing it as he stooped to go out of the door. And
even the curve of his spine was expressive of the horrible insult he had
received.
"How could you—how could you!"
Razumihin said, shaking his head in perplexity.
"Let me alone—let me alone all of
you!" Raskolnikov cried in a frenzy. "Will you ever leave off
tormenting me? I am not afraid of you! I am not afraid of anyone, anyone
now! Get away from me! I want to be alone, alone, alone!"
"Come along," said Zossimov, nodding to
Razumihin.
"But we can't leave him like this!"
"Come along," Zossimov repeated
insistently, and he went out. Razumihin thought a minute and ran to
overtake him.
"It might be worse not to obey him,"
said Zossimov on the stairs. "He mustn't be irritated."
"What's the matter with him?"
"If only he could get some favourable shock,
that's what would do it! At first he was better.... You know he has got
something on his mind! Some fixed idea weighing on him.... I am very
much afraid so; he must have!"
"Perhaps it's that gentleman, Pyotr
Petrovitch. From his conversation I gather he is going to marry his
sister, and that he had received a letter about it just before his
illness...."
"Yes, confound the man! he may have upset the
case altogether. But have you noticed, he takes no interest in anything,
he does not respond to anything except one point on which he seems
excited—that's the murder?"
"Yes, yes," Razumihin agreed, "I
noticed that, too. He is interested, frightened. It gave him a shock on
the day he was ill in the police office; he fainted."
"Tell me more about that this evening and
I'll tell you something afterwards. He interests me very much! In half
an hour I'll go and see him again.... There'll be no inflammation
though."
"Thanks! And I'll wait with Pashenka meantime
and will keep watch on him through Nastasya...."
Raskolnikov, left alone, looked with impatience
and misery at Nastasya, but she still lingered.
"Won't you have some tea now?" she
asked.
"Later! I am sleepy! Leave me."
He turned abruptly to the wall; Nastasya went out.
CHAPTER VI
But as soon as she went out, he got up, latched
the door, undid the parcel which Razumihin had brought in that evening
and had tied up again and began dressing. Strange to say, he seemed
immediately to have become perfectly calm; not a trace of his recent
delirium nor of the panic fear that had haunted him of late. It was the
first moment of a strange sudden calm. His movements were precise and
definite; a firm purpose was evident in them. "To-day,
to-day," he muttered to himself. He understood that he was still
weak, but his intense spiritual concentration gave him strength and
self-confidence. He hoped, moreover, that he would not fall down in the
street. When he had dressed in entirely new clothes, he looked at the
money lying on the table, and after a moment's thought put it in his
pocket. It was twenty-five roubles. He took also all the copper change
from the ten roubles spent by Razumihin on the clothes. Then he softly
unlatched the door, went out, slipped downstairs and glanced in at the
open kitchen door. Nastasya was standing with her back to him, blowing
up the landlady's samovar. She heard nothing. Who would have dreamed of
his going out, indeed? A minute later he was in the street.
It was nearly eight o'clock, the sun was setting.
It was as stifling as before, but he eagerly drank in the stinking,
dusty town air. His head felt rather dizzy; a sort of savage energy
gleamed suddenly in his feverish eyes and his wasted, pale and yellow
face. He did not know and did not think where he was going, he had one
thought only: "that all this must be ended to-day, once for
all, immediately; that he would not return home without it, because he would
not go on living like that." How, with what to make an end? He
had not an idea about it, he did not even want to think of it. He drove
away thought; thought tortured him. All he knew, all he felt was that
everything must be changed "one way or another," he repeated
with desperate and immovable self-confidence and determination.
From old habit he took his usual walk in the
direction of the Hay Market. A dark-haired young man with a barrel organ
was standing in the road in front of a little general shop and was
grinding out a very sentimental song. He was accompanying a girl of
fifteen, who stood on the pavement in front of him. She was dressed up
in a crinoline, a mantle and a straw hat with a flame-coloured feather
in it, all very old and shabby. In a strong and rather agreeable voice,
cracked and coarsened by street singing, she sang in hope of getting a
copper from the shop. Raskolnikov joined two or three listeners, took
out a five copeck piece and put it in the girl's hand. She broke off
abruptly on a sentimental high note, shouted sharply to the organ
grinder "Come on," and both moved on to the next shop.
"Do you like street music?" said
Raskolnikov, addressing a middle-aged man standing idly by him. The man
looked at him, startled and wondering.
"I love to hear singing to a street
organ," said Raskolnikov, and his manner seemed strangely out of
keeping with the subject—"I like it on cold, dark, damp autumn
evenings—they must be damp—when all the passers-by have pale green,
sickly faces, or better still when wet snow is falling straight down,
when there's no wind—you know what I mean?—and the street lamps
shine through it..."
"I don't know.... Excuse me..." muttered
the stranger, frightened by the question and Raskolnikov's strange
manner, and he crossed over to the other side of the street.
Raskolnikov walked straight on and came out at the
corner of the Hay Market, where the huckster and his wife had talked
with Lizaveta; but they were not there now. Recognising the place, he
stopped, looked round and addressed a young fellow in a red shirt who
stood gaping before a corn chandler's shop.
"Isn't there a man who keeps a booth with his
wife at this corner?"
"All sorts of people keep booths here,"
answered the young man, glancing superciliously at Raskolnikov.
"What's his name?"
"What he was christened."
"Aren't you a Zaraïsky man, too? Which
province?"
The young man looked at Raskolnikov again.
"It's not a province, your excellency, but a
district. Graciously forgive me, your excellency!"
"Is that a tavern at the top there?"
"Yes, it's an eating-house and there's a
billiard-room and you'll find princesses there too.... La-la!"
Raskolnikov crossed the square. In that corner
there was a dense crowd of peasants. He pushed his way into the thickest
part of it, looking at the faces. He felt an unaccountable inclination
to enter into conversation with people. But the peasants took no notice
of him; they were all shouting in groups together. He stood and thought
a little and took a turning to the right in the direction of V.
He had often crossed that little street which
turns at an angle, leading from the market-place to Sadovy Street. Of
late he had often felt drawn to wander about this district, when he felt
depressed, that he might feel more so.
Now he walked along, thinking of nothing. At that
point there is a great block of buildings, entirely let out in dram
shops and eating-houses; women were continually running in and out,
bare-headed and in their indoor clothes. Here and there they gathered in
groups, on the pavement, especially about the entrances to various
festive establishments in the lower storeys. From one of these a loud
din, sounds of singing, the tinkling of a guitar and shouts of
merriment, floated into the street. A crowd of women were thronging
round the door; some were sitting on the steps, others on the pavement,
others were standing talking. A drunken soldier, smoking a cigarette,
was walking near them in the road, swearing; he seemed to be trying to
find his way somewhere, but had forgotten where. One beggar was
quarrelling with another, and a man dead drunk was lying right across
the road. Raskolnikov joined the throng of women, who were talking in
husky voices. They were bare-headed and wore cotton dresses and goatskin
shoes. There were women of forty and some not more than seventeen;
almost all had blackened eyes.
He felt strangely attracted by the singing and all
the noise and uproar in the saloon below.... someone could be heard
within dancing frantically, marking time with his heels to the sounds of
the guitar and of a thin falsetto voice singing a jaunty air. He
listened intently, gloomily and dreamily, bending down at the entrance
and peeping inquisitively in from the pavement.
"Oh, my handsome soldier Don't beat me for
nothing,"
trilled the thin voice of the singer. Raskolnikov
felt a great desire to make out what he was singing, as though
everything depended on that.
"Shall I go in?" he thought. "They
are laughing. From drink. Shall I get drunk?"
"Won't you come in?" one of the women
asked him. Her voice was still musical and less thick than the others,
she was young and not repulsive—the only one of the group.
"Why, she's pretty," he said, drawing
himself up and looking at her.
She smiled, much pleased at the compliment.
"You're very nice looking yourself," she
said.
"Isn't he thin though!" observed another
woman in a deep bass. "Have you just come out of a hospital?"
"They're all generals' daughters, it seems,
but they have all snub noses," interposed a tipsy peasant with a
sly smile on his face, wearing a loose coat. "See how jolly they
are."
"Go along with you!"
"I'll go, sweetie!"
And he darted down into the saloon below.
Raskolnikov moved on.
"I say, sir," the girl shouted after
him.
"What is it?"
She hesitated.
"I'll always be pleased to spend an hour with
you, kind gentleman, but now I feel shy. Give me six copecks for a
drink, there's a nice young man!"
Raskolnikov gave her what came first—fifteen
copecks.
"Ah, what a good-natured gentleman!"
"What's your name?"
"Ask for Duclida."
"Well, that's too much," one of the
women observed, shaking her head at Duclida. "I don't know how you
can ask like that. I believe I should drop with shame...."
Raskolnikov looked curiously at the speaker. She
was a pock-marked wench of thirty, covered with bruises, with her upper
lip swollen. She made her criticism quietly and earnestly. "Where
is it," thought Raskolnikov. "Where is it I've read that
someone condemned to death says or thinks, an hour before his death,
that if he had to live on some high rock, on such a narrow ledge that
he'd only room to stand, and the ocean, everlasting darkness,
everlasting solitude, everlasting tempest around him, if he had to
remain standing on a square yard of space all his life, a thousand
years, eternity, it were better to live so than to die at once! Only to
live, to live and live! Life, whatever it may be!... How true it is!
Good God, how true! Man is a vile creature!... And vile is he who calls
him vile for that," he added a moment later.
He went into another street. "Bah, the Palais
de Cristal! Razumihin was just talking of the Palais de Cristal. But
what on earth was it I wanted? Yes, the newspapers.... Zossimov said
he'd read it in the papers. Have you the papers?" he asked, going
into a very spacious and positively clean restaurant, consisting of
several rooms, which were, however, rather empty. Two or three people
were drinking tea, and in a room further away were sitting four men
drinking champagne. Raskolnikov fancied that Zametov was one of them,
but he could not be sure at that distance. "What if it is?" he
thought.
"Will you have vodka?" asked the waiter.
"Give me some tea and bring me the papers,
the old ones for the last five days, and I'll give you something."
"Yes, sir, here's to-day's. No vodka?"
The old newspapers and the tea were brought.
Raskolnikov sat down and began to look through them.
"Oh, damn... these are the items of
intelligence. An accident on a staircase, spontaneous combustion of a
shopkeeper from alcohol, a fire in Peski... a fire in the Petersburg
quarter... another fire in the Petersburg quarter... and another fire in
the Petersburg quarter.... Ah, here it is!" He found at last what
he was seeking and began to read it. The lines danced before his eyes,
but he read it all and began eagerly seeking later additions in the
following numbers. His hands shook with nervous impatience as he turned
the sheets. Suddenly someone sat down beside him at his table. He looked
up, it was the head clerk Zametov, looking just the same, with the rings
on his fingers and the watch-chain, with the curly, black hair, parted
and pomaded, with the smart waistcoat, rather shabby coat and doubtful
linen. He was in a good humour, at least he was smiling very gaily and
good-humouredly. His dark face was rather flushed from the champagne he
had drunk.
"What, you here?" he began in surprise,
speaking as though he'd known him all his life. "Why, Razumihin
told me only yesterday you were unconscious. How strange! And do you
know I've been to see you?"
Raskolnikov knew he would come up to him. He laid
aside the papers and turned to Zametov. There was a smile on his lips,
and a new shade of irritable impatience was apparent in that smile.
"I know you have," he answered.
"I've heard it. You looked for my sock.... And you know Razumihin
has lost his heart to you? He says you've been with him to Luise
Ivanovna's—you know, the woman you tried to befriend, for whom you
winked to the Explosive Lieutenant and he would not understand. Do you
remember? How could he fail to understand—it was quite clear, wasn't
it?"
"What a hot head he is!"
"The explosive one?"
"No, your friend Razumihin."
"You must have a jolly life, Mr. Zametov;
entrance free to the most agreeable places. Who's been pouring champagne
into you just now?"
"We've just been... having a drink
together.... You talk about pouring it into me!"
"By way of a fee! You profit by
everything!" Raskolnikov laughed, "it's all right, my dear
boy," he added, slapping Zametov on the shoulder. "I am not
speaking from temper, but in a friendly way, for sport, as that workman
of yours said when he was scuffling with Dmitri, in the case of the old
woman...."
"How do you know about it?"
"Perhaps I know more about it than you
do."
"How strange you are.... I am sure you are
still very unwell. You oughtn't to have come out."
"Oh, do I seem strange to you?"
"Yes. What are you doing, reading the
papers?"
"Yes."
"There's a lot about the fires."
"No, I am not reading about the fires."
Here he looked mysteriously at Zametov; his lips were twisted again in a
mocking smile. "No, I am not reading about the fires," he went
on, winking at Zametov. "But confess now, my dear fellow, you're
awfully anxious to know what I am reading about?"
"I am not in the least. Mayn't I ask a
question? Why do you keep on...?"
"Listen, you are a man of culture and
education?"
"I was in the sixth class at the
gymnasium," said Zametov with some dignity.
"Sixth class! Ah, my cock-sparrow! With your
parting and your rings—you are a gentleman of fortune. Foo! what a
charming boy!" Here Raskolnikov broke into a nervous laugh right in
Zametov's face. The latter drew back, more amazed than offended.
"Foo! how strange you are!" Zametov
repeated very seriously. "I can't help thinking you are still
delirious."
"I am delirious? You are fibbing, my
cock-sparrow! So I am strange? You find me curious, do you?"
"Yes, curious."
"Shall I tell you what I was reading about,
what I was looking for? See what a lot of papers I've made them bring
me. Suspicious, eh?"
"Well, what is it?"
"You prick up your ears?"
"How do you mean—'prick up my ears'?"
"I'll explain that afterwards, but now, my
boy, I declare to you... no, better 'I confess'... No, that's not right
either; 'I make a deposition and you take it.' I depose that I was
reading, that I was looking and searching...." he screwed up his
eyes and paused. "I was searching—and came here on purpose to do
it—for news of the murder of the old pawnbroker woman," he
articulated at last, almost in a whisper, bringing his face exceedingly
close to the face of Zametov. Zametov looked at him steadily, without
moving or drawing his face away. What struck Zametov afterwards as the
strangest part of it all was that silence followed for exactly a minute,
and that they gazed at one another all the while.
"What if you have been reading about
it?" he cried at last, perplexed and impatient. "That's no
business of mine! What of it?"
"The same old woman," Raskolnikov went
on in the same whisper, not heeding Zametov's explanation, "about
whom you were talking in the police-office, you remember, when I
fainted. Well, do you understand now?"
"What do you mean? Understand... what?"
Zametov brought out, almost alarmed.
Raskolnikov's set and earnest face was suddenly
transformed, and he suddenly went off into the same nervous laugh as
before, as though utterly unable to restrain himself. And in one flash
he recalled with extraordinary vividness of sensation a moment in the
recent past, that moment when he stood with the axe behind the door,
while the latch trembled and the men outside swore and shook it, and he
had a sudden desire to shout at them, to swear at them, to put out his
tongue at them, to mock them, to laugh, and laugh, and laugh!
"You are either mad, or..." began
Zametov, and he broke off, as though stunned by the idea that had
suddenly flashed into his mind.
"Or? Or what? What? Come, tell me!"
"Nothing," said Zametov, getting angry,
"it's all nonsense!"
Both were silent. After his sudden fit of laughter
Raskolnikov became suddenly thoughtful and melancholy. He put his elbow
on the table and leaned his head on his hand. He seemed to have
completely forgotten Zametov. The silence lasted for some time.
"Why don't you drink your tea? It's getting
cold," said Zametov.
"What! Tea? Oh, yes...." Raskolnikov
sipped the glass, put a morsel of bread in his mouth and, suddenly
looking at Zametov, seemed to remember everything and pulled himself
together. At the same moment his face resumed its original mocking
expression. He went on drinking tea.
"There have been a great many of these crimes
lately," said Zametov. "Only the other day I read in the Moscow
News that a whole gang of false coiners had been caught in Moscow.
It was a regular society. They used to forge tickets!"
"Oh, but it was a long time ago! I read about
it a month ago," Raskolnikov answered calmly. "So you consider
them criminals?" he added, smiling.
"Of course they are criminals."
"They? They are children, simpletons, not
criminals! Why, half a hundred people meeting for such an object—what
an idea! Three would be too many, and then they want to have more faith
in one another than in themselves! One has only to blab in his cups and
it all collapses. Simpletons! They engaged untrustworthy people to
change the notes—what a thing to trust to a casual stranger! Well, let
us suppose that these simpletons succeed and each makes a million, and
what follows for the rest of their lives? Each is dependent on the
others for the rest of his life! Better hang oneself at once! And they
did not know how to change the notes either; the man who changed the
notes took five thousand roubles, and his hands trembled. He counted the
first four thousand, but did not count the fifth thousand—he was in
such a hurry to get the money into his pocket and run away. Of course he
roused suspicion. And the whole thing came to a crash through one fool!
Is it possible?"
"That his hands trembled?" observed
Zametov, "yes, that's quite possible. That, I feel quite sure, is
possible. Sometimes one can't stand things."
"Can't stand that?"
"Why, could you stand it then? No, I
couldn't. For the sake of a hundred roubles to face such a terrible
experience? To go with false notes into a bank where it's their business
to spot that sort of thing! No, I should not have the face to do it.
Would you?"
Raskolnikov had an intense desire again "to
put his tongue out." Shivers kept running down his spine.
"I should do it quite differently,"
Raskolnikov began. "This is how I would change the notes: I'd count
the first thousand three or four times backwards and forwards, looking
at every note and then I'd set to the second thousand; I'd count that
half-way through and then hold some fifty-rouble note to the light, then
turn it, then hold it to the light again—to see whether it was a good
one. 'I am afraid,' I would say, 'a relation of mine lost twenty-five
roubles the other day through a false note,' and then I'd tell them the
whole story. And after I began counting the third, 'No, excuse me,' I
would say, 'I fancy I made a mistake in the seventh hundred in that
second thousand, I am not sure.' And so I would give up the third
thousand and go back to the second and so on to the end. And when I had
finished, I'd pick out one from the fifth and one from the second
thousand and take them again to the light and ask again, 'Change them,
please,' and put the clerk into such a stew that he would not know how
to get rid of me. When I'd finished and had gone out, I'd come back,
'No, excuse me,' and ask for some explanation. That's how I'd do
it."
"Foo! what terrible things you say!"
said Zametov, laughing. "But all that is only talk. I dare say when
it came to deeds you'd make a slip. I believe that even a practised,
desperate man cannot always reckon on himself, much less you and I. To
take an example near home—that old woman murdered in our district. The
murderer seems to have been a desperate fellow, he risked everything in
open daylight, was saved by a miracle—but his hands shook, too. He did
not succeed in robbing the place, he couldn't stand it. That was clear
from the..."
Raskolnikov seemed offended.
"Clear? Why don't you catch him then?"
he cried, maliciously gibing at Zametov.
"Well, they will catch him."
"Who? You? Do you suppose you could catch
him? You've a tough job! A great point for you is whether a man is
spending money or not. If he had no money and suddenly begins spending,
he must be the man. So that any child can mislead you."
"The fact is they always do that,
though," answered Zametov. "A man will commit a clever murder
at the risk of his life and then at once he goes drinking in a tavern.
They are caught spending money, they are not all as cunning as you are.
You wouldn't go to a tavern, of course?"
Raskolnikov frowned and looked steadily at
Zametov.
"You seem to enjoy the subject and would like
to know how I should behave in that case, too?" he asked with
displeasure.
"I should like to," Zametov answered
firmly and seriously. Somewhat too much earnestness began to appear in
his words and looks.
"Very much?"
"Very much!"
"All right then. This is how I should
behave," Raskolnikov began, again bringing his face close to
Zametov's, again staring at him and speaking in a whisper, so that the
latter positively shuddered. "This is what I should have done. I
should have taken the money and jewels, I should have walked out of
there and have gone straight to some deserted place with fences round it
and scarcely anyone to be seen, some kitchen garden or place of that
sort. I should have looked out beforehand some stone weighing a
hundredweight or more which had been lying in the corner from the time
the house was built. I would lift that stone—there would sure to be a
hollow under it, and I would put the jewels and money in that hole. Then
I'd roll the stone back so that it would look as before, would press it
down with my foot and walk away. And for a year or two, three maybe, I
would not touch it. And, well, they could search! There'd be no
trace."
"You are a madman," said Zametov, and
for some reason he too spoke in a whisper, and moved away from
Raskolnikov, whose eyes were glittering. He had turned fearfully pale
and his upper lip was twitching and quivering. He bent down as close as
possible to Zametov, and his lips began to move without uttering a word.
This lasted for half a minute; he knew what he was doing, but could not
restrain himself. The terrible word trembled on his lips, like the latch
on that door; in another moment it will break out, in another moment he
will let it go, he will speak out.
"And what if it was I who murdered the old
woman and Lizaveta?" he said suddenly and—realised what he had
done.
Zametov looked wildly at him and turned white as
the tablecloth. His face wore a contorted smile.
"But is it possible?" he brought out
faintly. Raskolnikov looked wrathfully at him.
"Own up that you believed it, yes, you
did?"
"Not a bit of it, I believe it less than ever
now," Zametov cried hastily.
"I've caught my cock-sparrow! So you did
believe it before, if now you believe less than ever?"
"Not at all," cried Zametov, obviously
embarrassed. "Have you been frightening me so as to lead up to
this?"
"You don't believe it then? What were you
talking about behind my back when I went out of the police-office? And
why did the explosive lieutenant question me after I fainted? Hey,
there," he shouted to the waiter, getting up and taking his cap,
"how much?"
"Thirty copecks," the latter replied,
running up.
"And there is twenty copecks for vodka. See
what a lot of money!" he held out his shaking hand to Zametov with
notes in it. "Red notes and blue, twenty-five roubles. Where did I
get them? And where did my new clothes come from? You know I had not a
copeck. You've cross-examined my landlady, I'll be bound.... Well,
that's enough! Assez causé! Till we meet again!"
He went out, trembling all over from a sort of
wild hysterical sensation, in which there was an element of insufferable
rapture. Yet he was gloomy and terribly tired. His face was twisted as
after a fit. His fatigue increased rapidly. Any shock, any irritating
sensation stimulated and revived his energies at once, but his strength
failed as quickly when the stimulus was removed.
Zametov, left alone, sat for a long time in the
same place, plunged in thought. Raskolnikov had unwittingly worked a
revolution in his brain on a certain point and had made up his mind for
him conclusively.
"Ilya Petrovitch is a blockhead," he
decided.
Raskolnikov had hardly opened the door of the
restaurant when he stumbled against Razumihin on the steps. They did not
see each other till they almost knocked against each other. For a moment
they stood looking each other up and down. Razumihin was greatly
astounded, then anger, real anger gleamed fiercely in his eyes.
"So here you are!" he shouted at the top
of his voice—"you ran away from your bed! And here I've been
looking for you under the sofa! We went up to the garret. I almost beat
Nastasya on your account. And here he is after all. Rodya! What is the
meaning of it? Tell me the whole truth! Confess! Do you hear?"
"It means that I'm sick to death of you all
and I want to be alone," Raskolnikov answered calmly.
"Alone? When you are not able to walk, when
your face is as white as a sheet and you are gasping for breath!
Idiot!... What have you been doing in the Palais de Cristal? Own up at
once!"
"Let me go!" said Raskolnikov and tried
to pass him. This was too much for Razumihin; he gripped him firmly by
the shoulder.
"Let you go? You dare tell me to let you go?
Do you know what I'll do with you directly? I'll pick you up, tie you up
in a bundle, carry you home under my arm and lock you up!"
"Listen, Razumihin," Raskolnikov began
quietly, apparently calm—"can't you see that I don't want your
benevolence? A strange desire you have to shower benefits on a man
who... curses them, who feels them a burden in fact! Why did you seek me
out at the beginning of my illness? Maybe I was very glad to die. Didn't
I tell you plainly enough to-day that you were torturing me, that I
was... sick of you! You seem to want to torture people! I assure you
that all that is seriously hindering my recovery, because it's
continually irritating me. You saw Zossimov went away just now to avoid
irritating me. You leave me alone too, for goodness' sake! What right
have you, indeed, to keep me by force? Don't you see that I am in
possession of all my faculties now? How, how can I persuade you not to
persecute me with your kindness? I may be ungrateful, I may be mean,
only let me be, for God's sake, let me be! Let me be, let me be!"
He began calmly, gloating beforehand over the
venomous phrases he was about to utter, but finished, panting for
breath, in a frenzy, as he had been with Luzhin.
Razumihin stood a moment, thought and let his hand
drop.
"Well, go to hell then," he said gently
and thoughtfully. "Stay," he roared, as Raskolnikov was about
to move. "Listen to me. Let me tell you, that you are all a set of
babbling, posing idiots! If you've any little trouble you brood over it
like a hen over an egg. And you are plagiarists even in that! There
isn't a sign of independent life in you! You are made of spermaceti
ointment and you've lymph in your veins instead of blood. I don't
believe in anyone of you! In any circumstances the first thing for all
of you is to be unlike a human being! Stop!" he cried with
redoubled fury, noticing that Raskolnikov was again making a
movement—"hear me out! You know I'm having a house-warming this
evening, I dare say they've arrived by now, but I left my uncle
there—I just ran in—to receive the guests. And if you weren't a
fool, a common fool, a perfect fool, if you were an original instead of
a translation... you see, Rodya, I recognise you're a clever fellow, but
you're a fool!—and if you weren't a fool you'd come round to me this
evening instead of wearing out your boots in the street! Since you have
gone out, there's no help for it! I'd give you a snug easy chair, my
landlady has one... a cup of tea, company.... Or you could lie on the
sofa—any way you would be with us.... Zossimov will be there too. Will
you come?"
"No."
"R-rubbish!" Razumihin shouted, out of
patience. "How do you know? You can't answer for yourself! You
don't know anything about it.... Thousands of times I've fought tooth
and nail with people and run back to them afterwards.... One feels
ashamed and goes back to a man! So remember, Potchinkov's house on the
third storey...."
"Why, Mr. Razumihin, I do believe you'd let
anybody beat you from sheer benevolence."
"Beat? Whom? Me? I'd twist his nose off at
the mere idea! Potchinkov's house, 47, Babushkin's flat...."
"I shall not come, Razumihin."
Raskolnikov turned and walked away.
"I bet you will," Razumihin shouted
after him. "I refuse to know you if you don't! Stay, hey, is
Zametov in there?"
"Yes."
"Did you see him?"
"Yes."
"Talked to him?"
"Yes."
"What about? Confound you, don't tell me
then. Potchinkov's house, 47, Babushkin's flat, remember!"
Raskolnikov walked on and turned the corner into
Sadovy Street. Razumihin looked after him thoughtfully. Then with a wave
of his hand he went into the house but stopped short of the stairs.
"Confound it," he went on almost aloud.
"He talked sensibly but yet... I am a fool! As if madmen didn't
talk sensibly! And this was just what Zossimov seemed afraid of."
He struck his finger on his forehead. "What if... how could I let
him go off alone? He may drown himself.... Ach, what a blunder! I
can't." And he ran back to overtake Raskolnikov, but there was no
trace of him. With a curse he returned with rapid steps to the Palais de
Cristal to question Zametov.
Raskolnikov walked straight to X—— Bridge,
stood in the middle, and leaning both elbows on the rail stared into the
distance. On parting with Razumihin, he felt so much weaker that he
could scarcely reach this place. He longed to sit or lie down somewhere
in the street. Bending over the water, he gazed mechanically at the last
pink flush of the sunset, at the row of houses growing dark in the
gathering twilight, at one distant attic window on the left bank,
flashing as though on fire in the last rays of the setting sun, at the
darkening water of the canal, and the water seemed to catch his
attention. At last red circles flashed before his eyes, the houses
seemed moving, the passers-by, the canal banks, the carriages, all
danced before his eyes. Suddenly he started, saved again perhaps from
swooning by an uncanny and hideous sight. He became aware of someone
standing on the right side of him; he looked and saw a tall woman with a
kerchief on her head, with a long, yellow, wasted face and red sunken
eyes. She was looking straight at him, but obviously she saw nothing and
recognised no one. Suddenly she leaned her right hand on the parapet,
lifted her right leg over the railing, then her left and threw herself
into the canal. The filthy water parted and swallowed up its victim for
a moment, but an instant later the drowning woman floated to the
surface, moving slowly with the current, her head and legs in the water,
her skirt inflated like a balloon over her back.
"A woman drowning! A woman drowning!"
shouted dozens of voices; people ran up, both banks were thronged with
spectators, on the bridge people crowded about Raskolnikov, pressing up
behind him.
"Mercy on it! it's our Afrosinya!" a
woman cried tearfully close by. "Mercy! save her! kind people, pull
her out!"
"A boat, a boat" was shouted in the
crowd. But there was no need of a boat; a policeman ran down the steps
to the canal, threw off his great coat and his boots and rushed into the
water. It was easy to reach her: she floated within a couple of yards
from the steps, he caught hold of her clothes with his right hand and
with his left seized a pole which a comrade held out to him; the
drowning woman was pulled out at once. They laid her on the granite
pavement of the embankment. She soon recovered consciousness, raised her
head, sat up and began sneezing and coughing, stupidly wiping her wet
dress with her hands. She said nothing.
"She's drunk herself out of her senses,"
the same woman's voice wailed at her side. "Out of her senses. The
other day she tried to hang herself, we cut her down. I ran out to the
shop just now, left my little girl to look after her—and here she's in
trouble again! A neighbour, gentleman, a neighbour, we live close by,
the second house from the end, see yonder...."
The crowd broke up. The police still remained
round the woman, someone mentioned the police station.... Raskolnikov
looked on with a strange sensation of indifference and apathy. He felt
disgusted. "No, that's loathsome... water... it's not good
enough," he muttered to himself. "Nothing will come of
it," he added, "no use to wait. What about the police
office...? And why isn't Zametov at the police office? The police office
is open till ten o'clock...." He turned his back to the railing and
looked about him.
"Very well then!" he said resolutely; he
moved from the bridge and walked in the direction of the police office.
His heart felt hollow and empty. He did not want to think. Even his
depression had passed, there was not a trace now of the energy with
which he had set out "to make an end of it all." Complete
apathy had succeeded to it.
"Well, it's a way out of it," he
thought, walking slowly and listlessly along the canal bank.
"Anyway I'll make an end, for I want to.... But is it a way out?
What does it matter! There'll be the square yard of space—ha! But what
an end! Is it really the end? Shall I tell them or not? Ah... damn! How
tired I am! If I could find somewhere to sit or lie down soon! What I am
most ashamed of is its being so stupid. But I don't care about that
either! What idiotic ideas come into one's head."
To reach the police office he had to go straight
forward and take the second turning to the left. It was only a few paces
away. But at the first turning he stopped and, after a minute's thought,
turned into a side street and went two streets out of his way, possibly
without any object, or possibly to delay a minute and gain time. He
walked, looking at the ground; suddenly someone seemed to whisper in his
ear; he lifted his head and saw that he was standing at the very gate of
the house. He had not passed it, he had not been near it since that
evening. An overwhelming, unaccountable prompting drew him on. He went
into the house, passed through the gateway, then into the first entrance
on the right, and began mounting the familiar staircase to the fourth
storey. The narrow, steep staircase was very dark. He stopped at each
landing and looked round him with curiosity; on the first landing the
framework of the window had been taken out. "That wasn't so
then," he thought. Here was the flat on the second storey where
Nikolay and Dmitri had been working. "It's shut up and the door
newly painted. So it's to let." Then the third storey and the
fourth. "Here!" He was perplexed to find the door of the flat
wide open. There were men there, he could hear voices; he had not
expected that. After brief hesitation he mounted the last stairs and
went into the flat. It, too, was being done up; there were workmen in
it. This seemed to amaze him; he somehow fancied that he would find
everything as he left it, even perhaps the corpses in the same places on
the floor. And now, bare walls, no furniture; it seemed strange. He
walked to the window and sat down on the window-sill. There were two
workmen, both young fellows, but one much younger than the other. They
were papering the walls with a new white paper covered with lilac
flowers, instead of the old, dirty, yellow one. Raskolnikov for some
reason felt horribly annoyed by this. He looked at the new paper with
dislike, as though he felt sorry to have it all so changed. The workmen
had obviously stayed beyond their time and now they were hurriedly
rolling up their paper and getting ready to go home. They took no notice
of Raskolnikov's coming in; they were talking. Raskolnikov folded his
arms and listened.
"She comes to me in the morning," said
the elder to the younger, "very early, all dressed up. 'Why are you
preening and prinking?' says I. 'I am ready to do anything to please
you, Tit Vassilitch!' That's a way of going on! And she dressed up like
a regular fashion book!"
"And what is a fashion book?" the
younger one asked. He obviously regarded the other as an authority.
"A fashion book is a lot of pictures,
coloured, and they come to the tailors here every Saturday, by post from
abroad, to show folks how to dress, the male sex as well as the female.
They're pictures. The gentlemen are generally wearing fur coats and for
the ladies' fluffles, they're beyond anything you can fancy."
"There's nothing you can't find in
Petersburg," the younger cried enthusiastically, "except
father and mother, there's everything!"
"Except them, there's everything to be found,
my boy," the elder declared sententiously.
Raskolnikov got up and walked into the other room
where the strong box, the bed, and the chest of drawers had been; the
room seemed to him very tiny without furniture in it. The paper was the
same; the paper in the corner showed where the case of ikons had stood.
He looked at it and went to the window. The elder workman looked at him
askance.
"What do you want?" he asked suddenly.
Instead of answering Raskolnikov went into the
passage and pulled the bell. The same bell, the same cracked note. He
rang it a second and a third time; he listened and remembered. The
hideous and agonisingly fearful sensation he had felt then began to come
back more and more vividly. He shuddered at every ring and it gave him
more and more satisfaction.
"Well, what do you want? Who are you?"
the workman shouted, going out to him. Raskolnikov went inside again.
"I want to take a flat," he said.
"I am looking round."
"It's not the time to look at rooms at night!
and you ought to come up with the porter."
"The floors have been washed, will they be
painted?" Raskolnikov went on. "Is there no blood?"
"What blood?"
"Why, the old woman and her sister were
murdered here. There was a perfect pool there."
"But who are you?" the workman cried,
uneasy.
"Who am I?"
"Yes."
"You want to know? Come to the police
station, I'll tell you."
The workmen looked at him in amazement.
"It's time for us to go, we are late. Come
along, Alyoshka. We must lock up," said the elder workman.
"Very well, come along," said
Raskolnikov indifferently, and going out first, he went slowly
downstairs. "Hey, porter," he cried in the gateway.
At the entrance several people were standing,
staring at the passers-by; the two porters, a peasant woman, a man in a
long coat and a few others. Raskolnikov went straight up to them.
"What do you want?" asked one of the
porters.
"Have you been to the police office?"
"I've just been there. What do you
want?"
"Is it open?"
"Of course."
"Is the assistant there?"
"He was there for a time. What do you
want?"
Raskolnikov made no reply, but stood beside them
lost in thought.
"He's been to look at the flat," said
the elder workman, coming forward.
"Which flat?"
"Where we are at work. 'Why have you washed
away the blood?' says he. 'There has been a murder here,' says he, 'and
I've come to take it.' And he began ringing at the bell, all but broke
it. 'Come to the police station,' says he. 'I'll tell you everything
there.' He wouldn't leave us."
The porter looked at Raskolnikov, frowning and
perplexed.
"Who are you?" he shouted as
impressively as he could.
"I am Rodion Romanovitch Raskolnikov,
formerly a student, I live in Shil's house, not far from here, flat
Number 14, ask the porter, he knows me." Raskolnikov said all this
in a lazy, dreamy voice, not turning round, but looking intently into
the darkening street.
"Why have you been to the flat?"
"To look at it."
"What is there to look at?"
"Take him straight to the police
station," the man in the long coat jerked in abruptly.
Raskolnikov looked intently at him over his
shoulder and said in the same slow, lazy tones:
"Come along."
"Yes, take him," the man went on more
confidently. "Why was he going into that, what's in his
mind, eh?"
"He's not drunk, but God knows what's the
matter with him," muttered the workman.
"But what do you want?" the porter
shouted again, beginning to get angry in earnest—"Why are you
hanging about?"
"You funk the police station then?" said
Raskolnikov jeeringly.
"How funk it? Why are you hanging
about?"
"He's a rogue!" shouted the peasant
woman.
"Why waste time talking to him?" cried
the other porter, a huge peasant in a full open coat and with keys on
his belt. "Get along! He is a rogue and no mistake. Get
along!"
And seizing Raskolnikov by the shoulder he flung
him into the street. He lurched forward, but recovered his footing,
looked at the spectators in silence and walked away.
"Strange man!" observed the workman.
"There are strange folks about
nowadays," said the woman.
"You should have taken him to the police
station all the same," said the man in the long coat.
"Better have nothing to do with him,"
decided the big porter. "A regular rogue! Just what he wants, you
may be sure, but once take him up, you won't get rid of him.... We know
the sort!"
"Shall I go there or not?" thought
Raskolnikov, standing in the middle of the thoroughfare at the
cross-roads, and he looked about him, as though expecting from someone a
decisive word. But no sound came, all was dead and silent like the
stones on which he walked, dead to him, to him alone.... All at once at
the end of the street, two hundred yards away, in the gathering dusk he
saw a crowd and heard talk and shouts. In the middle of the crowd stood
a carriage.... A light gleamed in the middle of the street. "What
is it?" Raskolnikov turned to the right and went up to the crowd.
He seemed to clutch at everything and smiled coldly when he recognised
it, for he had fully made up his mind to go to the police station and
knew that it would all soon be over.
CHAPTER VII
An elegant carriage stood in the middle of the
road with a pair of spirited grey horses; there was no one in it, and
the coachman had got off his box and stood by; the horses were being
held by the bridle.... A mass of people had gathered round, the police
standing in front. One of them held a lighted lantern which he was
turning on something lying close to the wheels. Everyone was talking,
shouting, exclaiming; the coachman seemed at a loss and kept repeating:
"What a misfortune! Good Lord, what a
misfortune!"
Raskolnikov pushed his way in as far as he could,
and succeeded at last in seeing the object of the commotion and
interest. On the ground a man who had been run over lay apparently
unconscious, and covered with blood; he was very badly dressed, but not
like a workman. Blood was flowing from his head and face; his face was
crushed, mutilated and disfigured. He was evidently badly injured.
"Merciful heaven!" wailed the coachman,
"what more could I do? If I'd been driving fast or had not shouted
to him, but I was going quietly, not in a hurry. Everyone could see I
was going along just like everybody else. A drunken man can't walk
straight, we all know.... I saw him crossing the street, staggering and
almost falling. I shouted again and a second and a third time, then I
held the horses in, but he fell straight under their feet! Either he did
it on purpose or he was very tipsy.... The horses are young and ready to
take fright... they started, he screamed... that made them worse. That's
how it happened!"
"That's just how it was," a voice in the
crowd confirmed.
"He shouted, that's true, he shouted three
times," another voice declared.
"Three times it was, we all heard it,"
shouted a third.
But the coachman was not very much distressed and
frightened. It was evident that the carriage belonged to a rich and
important person who was awaiting it somewhere; the police, of course,
were in no little anxiety to avoid upsetting his arrangements. All they
had to do was to take the injured man to the police station and the
hospital. No one knew his name.
Meanwhile Raskolnikov had squeezed in and stooped
closer over him. The lantern suddenly lighted up the unfortunate man's
face. He recognised him.
"I know him! I know him!" he shouted,
pushing to the front. "It's a government clerk retired from the
service, Marmeladov. He lives close by in Kozel's house.... Make haste
for a doctor! I will pay, see?" He pulled money out of his pocket
and showed it to the policeman. He was in violent agitation.
The police were glad that they had found out who
the man was. Raskolnikov gave his own name and address, and, as
earnestly as if it had been his father, he besought the police to carry
the unconscious Marmeladov to his lodging at once.
"Just here, three houses away," he said
eagerly, "the house belongs to Kozel, a rich German. He was going
home, no doubt drunk. I know him, he is a drunkard. He has a family
there, a wife, children, he has one daughter.... It will take time to
take him to the hospital, and there is sure to be a doctor in the house.
I'll pay, I'll pay! At least he will be looked after at home... they
will help him at once. But he'll die before you get him to the
hospital." He managed to slip something unseen into the policeman's
hand. But the thing was straightforward and legitimate, and in any case
help was closer here. They raised the injured man; people volunteered to
help.
Kozel's house was thirty yards away. Raskolnikov
walked behind, carefully holding Marmeladov's head and showing the way.
"This way, this way! We must take him
upstairs head foremost. Turn round! I'll pay, I'll make it worth your
while," he muttered.
Katerina Ivanovna had just begun, as she always
did at every free moment, walking to and fro in her little room from
window to stove and back again, with her arms folded across her chest,
talking to herself and coughing. Of late she had begun to talk more than
ever to her eldest girl, Polenka, a child of ten, who, though there was
much she did not understand, understood very well that her mother needed
her, and so always watched her with her big clever eyes and strove her
utmost to appear to understand. This time Polenka was undressing her
little brother, who had been unwell all day and was going to bed. The
boy was waiting for her to take off his shirt, which had to be washed at
night. He was sitting straight and motionless on a chair, with a silent,
serious face, with his legs stretched out straight before him—heels
together and toes turned out.
He was listening to what his mother was saying to
his sister, sitting perfectly still with pouting lips and wide-open
eyes, just as all good little boys have to sit when they are undressed
to go to bed. A little girl, still younger, dressed literally in rags,
stood at the screen, waiting for her turn. The door on to the stairs was
open to relieve them a little from the clouds of tobacco smoke which
floated in from the other rooms and brought on long terrible fits of
coughing in the poor, consumptive woman. Katerina Ivanovna seemed to
have grown even thinner during that week and the hectic flush on her
face was brighter than ever.
"You wouldn't believe, you can't imagine,
Polenka," she said, walking about the room, "what a happy
luxurious life we had in my papa's house and how this drunkard has
brought me, and will bring you all, to ruin! Papa was a civil colonel
and only a step from being a governor; so that everyone who came to see
him said, 'We look upon you, Ivan Mihailovitch, as our governor!' When
I... when..." she coughed violently, "oh, cursed life,"
she cried, clearing her throat and pressing her hands to her breast,
"when I... when at the last ball... at the marshal's... Princess
Bezzemelny saw me—who gave me the blessing when your father and I were
married, Polenka—she asked at once 'Isn't that the pretty girl who
danced the shawl dance at the breaking-up?' (You must mend that tear,
you must take your needle and darn it as I showed you, or
to-morrow—cough, cough, cough—he will make the hole bigger,"
she articulated with effort.) "Prince Schegolskoy, a kammerjunker,
had just come from Petersburg then... he danced the mazurka with me and
wanted to make me an offer next day; but I thanked him in flattering
expressions and told him that my heart had long been another's. That
other was your father, Polya; papa was fearfully angry.... Is the water
ready? Give me the shirt, and the stockings! Lida," said she to the
youngest one, "you must manage without your chemise to-night... and
lay your stockings out with it... I'll wash them together.... How is it
that drunken vagabond doesn't come in? He has worn his shirt till it
looks like a dish-clout, he has torn it to rags! I'd do it all together,
so as not to have to work two nights running! Oh, dear! (Cough, cough,
cough, cough!) Again! What's this?" she cried, noticing a crowd in
the passage and the men, who were pushing into her room, carrying a
burden. "What is it? What are they bringing? Mercy on us!"
"Where are we to put him?" asked the
policeman, looking round when Marmeladov, unconscious and covered with
blood, had been carried in.
"On the sofa! Put him straight on the sofa,
with his head this way," Raskolnikov showed him.
"Run over in the road! Drunk!" someone
shouted in the passage.
Katerina Ivanovna stood, turning white and gasping
for breath. The children were terrified. Little Lida screamed, rushed to
Polenka and clutched at her, trembling all over.
Having laid Marmeladov down, Raskolnikov flew to
Katerina Ivanovna.
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